Vine Mess-Secretly Yours

Dedication
ForKristy
Agenuinefriend,longtimeencourager,andpowerfuladvocate.
Thanksforthedecadeoflaughsandtruthtelling.I’mdownforanotheroneContents
Cover
TitlePage
Dedication
Contents
ChapterOne
ChapterTwo
ChapterThree
ChapterFour
ChapterFive
ChapterSix
ChapterSeven
ChapterEight
ChapterNine
ChapterTen
ChapterEleven
ChapterTwelve
ChapterThirteen
ChapterFourteen
ChapterFifteen
ChapterSixteen
ChapterSeventeen
ChapterEighteen
ChapterNineteen
ChapterTwenty
ChapterTwenty-One
ChapterTwenty-Two
ChapterTwenty-Three
ChapterTwenty-Four
Acknowledgments
AbouttheAuthor
Announcement
ChapterOne
ChapterTwo
ByTessaBailey
Copyright
AboutthePublisher
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Guide
Cover
Contents
ChapterOneChapterOne
HallieWelchtippeddownonecornerofthecomicssectionandpeeredacrossGrapevineWay,herstomachsinkingwhenyetanother
groupoflocalsbypassedCorked,herfavorite,sleepylittlewineshop,infavorofUNCORKED—thenew,flashymonstrositynext
doorthatadvertisedhotsauceandwinepairingsinthewindow.TheexteriorofUNCORKEDwaspaintedametallicgoldthat
caughtthesunandblindedpassersby,givingthemnochoicebuttostumbleinsideorriskvisionloss.FromHallie’sposition
onthebench,shecouldseethroughthefrontwindowtotheirstate-of-the-artwinefountainsandwallofstinkycheeses,
thecashregisterlightinguplikeapinballmachine.

Meanwhile,thepeelingwhitewrought-irontablesinthefrontcourtyardofCorkedsatemptyandforgotten.Halliecouldstill
seehergrandmotheratthefar-righttable,amodestglassofCabernetsittinginfrontofher.Everyonewouldstoptosay
hellotoRebeccaastheypassed.Theywouldaskherwhatflowerswereinseasonandwhichbulbswerebesttoburyinthesoil
aparticularmonth.Andeventhoughshewasalwaysreadingabestseller,shewouldcarefullylayhersilk-tasseledbookmark
inthecreaseandgivethemherundividedattention.

ThenewspaperinHallie’shandssunklower,crumplingslowlyatthevividmemoryandeventuallylandinginherlap
OnthefrontpatioofUNCORKEDwasaliteraldancefloorandadiscoballhangingfromtheeaves.Itspunalldaylong,casting
lightrefractionsalloverthesidewalkandturningpeopleintoapparentzombieswhopreferredwineoutofavendingmachine.
Atnight,thatten-by-tensquarepatchofwoodwaspackedtothegillswithtipsytourists,theirpursesfullofoverlypungent
Rochefort,noonesparingathoughtforCorkednextdoor.Oroutragedatthemockeryoftheirverynamebytheoverzealous
newcomers.

Whentheshopopenedamonthago,Halliealmostfeltsorryfortheyoungcouplefromdownstate.Poordears,sinkingtheir
hard-earnedmoneyintoagimmick.ItwouldneverattracttheloyalNapalocalswhohonoredtraditionandroutine.She’dbeen
wrong.

UNCORKEDwasthriving.Meanwhile,Lorna,thesweetelderlyownerofCorked,didn’tevenemergeatsunsetanymoretolight
thecandlesonheroutsidetables.

Hallielookeddownattheshatterproofwineglassinherpurse.She’dbeenbringingitintoCorkedfortastingseverydaythisweekinanattempttosupportthefailinginstitution,butsheneededabettergameplan.Continuousdaydrinkinghadstartedofffun,butthedayswerebeginningtoblurtogether,andshe’dfoundhercarkeysinthemicrowavethismorning.SupportingCorkedwithonlythehelpofacouplefriendswasn’tgoingtokeephergrandmother’sfavoritetablefromvanishingoffthesidewalk.Anditneededtostaythere.Fartoomanypiecesofhergrandmotherseemedtofloatawayintothewindlately,butnotthattable.NottheplaceHalliehadgonewithRebeccaeverysingleSundayeveningsincehighschoolandlearnedtheartofgardening.Ithadtostay.
So,allright.Timetoplayoffense.
Verycarefully,Halliefoldedupthefunniesandtuckedthembeneathherarm.Shescannedthesidewalkforanyfriendsor
clients,thenwalkedbrisklyacrossthestreettowardUNCORKED.They’daddedtwopottedficusesoneithersideoftheirdoor,
beautifullyprunedintotheshapeofanicecreamcone,buttherewouldbenobrowniepointsawardedtotheUNCORKEDcrew
forproperplantmaintenance.Notevenforlush,well-lovedgreenery.AndifHallieWelch,proprietorofBecca’sBloomsand
St.Helena’spremiergardener,didn’twarmuptosomeonefordiligentcareofaplant,that’swhenthey’dreallypissedher
off.

Besides,theplantsweren’thercurrentfocus.
ShepausedoutsideofUNCORKEDandeyedthediscoball,shiftinginherrubberslip-ons.
Herecomestrouble,saidhergrandmother’svoice,driftinginsomewherefromthegreatbeyond.HowmanytimeshadRebeccatakenalookatHallie
andsaidthosewords?Hundreds?Thousands?Now,inthereflectivewindowofUNCORKED,shecouldseehowhergrandmothermight
makethatpredictionbasedonherfacialactivity.

Tworoundspotsofcoloronhercheeks.
Afirmsettoherchin.
Expression…diabolical?
Let’sgowith“driven.”
Mrs.Cross,ownerofthecoffeeshopacrossthestreet,walkedoutofUNCORKEDwithabottleofsomecelebrity’swineinhand
andapaperbibaroundherneckthatreadSipSipHoorayonthefront.SheskiddedtoastopandbowedherheadguiltilyuponspottingHallie.“Idon’tknowwhathappened,”startedMrs.Cross,quicklytearingoffthebib.“Iletthemaddmetotheirtextalertsjusttobepoliteandthismorning…Iwokeuptoamessageaboutwineglassrimsdippedinchocolateandmyfeetjustsortofbroughtmehereforthethreeo’clocksession.”
“Howwasthewine?”Hallieasked,feelingwinded.Anotheronebitesthedust.“Robust,withabetrayalaftertaste,I’mguessing.”

Mrs.Crosswinced—andhadthenervetolicksomechocolatefromthecornerofhermouth.“Sorry,hon.”SheslunkpastHallie
andintothecrosswalk,clutchingherbottleofduplicity.“Havetorun.I’mworkingtheeveningshift…”

Hallieswallowedandturnedbacktothediscoball,theglaringlightforcinghertosquint.
Afteratoo-shortsecondofdebate,sheretrievedapieceofbarkthathadbeenusedtopotthenearestficus—andreached
up,jammingitintothetopmotorofthediscoball,haltingtheeyesore’snextrevolution.Thenshebolted.

Okay,maybe“bolted”wasanexaggeration.Shejogged.
Andshequicklyrealizedshewasnotdressedforfleeingthesceneofherfirstactofvandalism.
Rubbershoeswereforploddingaroundinsoilandgrass,notforpotentiallybeingchasedbythe5-0.Hercolorfulwovencross-body
purseslappedagainstherhipwitheverystep,herarrayofmismatchednecklacesbouncingupanddowninsolidaritywithher
boobs.Shehadatealscrunchieinherpocket,whichshe’dplannedtouselatertofashionablondknotontopofherhead
whileworking.Shouldshestopandputherhairupnowtomakerunningeasier?Curlswereflyingintoherface,fastandfurious,hergardeningshoesmakinganembarrassingsquawkwitheverystep.Crimeclearlydidn’tpay.

Whenafamiliarfacesteppedintoherpathonthesidewalk,Halliealmostcollapsedwithrelief.“Withoutaskingmeanyfollow-up
questions,canIhideinyourkitchen?”

“Fucksake,whathaveyoudonenow?”askedherfriendLavinia,donutartistandBritishtransplant.Shewasjustaboutto
lightacigarette,asightthatwasn’tallthatcommononGrapevineWayinSt.Helena,butloweredthelightertoherthigh
whenshesawHallierushingtowardherinaflurryofnecklaces,curls,andfrayedjeanshorts.“Behindthestandingmixer.
Bequickaboutit.”

“Thankyou,”Halliesqueaked,catapultingherselfintotheair-conditioneddonutshop,FudgeJudy,speedwalkingpastagroup
ofgapingcustomers,andpushingthroughtheswingingdoorintothekitchen.Asadvised,Hallietookaspotbehindthestanding
mixerandembracedtheopportunitytofinallypullhercurlsupintoabun.“Hello,Jerome,”shecalledtoLavinia’shusband.
“Thosebearclawslookbeautiful.”

JerometippedhisheaddowntoobserveHallieovertherimofhisglassesandofferedaslightlyjudgmentalhumunderhis
breathbeforegoingbacktoglazingdonuts.“Whateverthisis,don’tdragmywifeintoitthistime,”hedrawled.

WellusedtoJerome’sgruff,no-nonsensedemeanor,HalliesalutedtheformerdetectivefromLosAngeles.“Nodragging.Message
received.”

Laviniablastedintothekitchen,thesmellofParliamentstrailingafterher.“Caretoexplainyourself,missus?”
“Oh,nothing,Ijustsabotagedacertaindiscoballoutsideofacertainwineshop.”Hallieslumpedsidewaysagainstthewall.“Wehadanotherdefector.Mrs.Cross.”
Lavinialookeddisgusted,andHallielovedherforit.“Theonewhoownsthecoffeeshop?Thesehoesain’tloyal.”Shemimicked
Hallie’sposture,onlysheleanedagainstherhusband’sback,instead.“Well,IknowwhereIwon’tbebuyingmyafternooncoffee.”

“Theoneyoupourhalfintothegarbageandreplacewithwhiskey?”Jeromeinserted,earninghimselfanelbowintheribs.
“Iknewyouwouldunderstand,”Halliesaid,reachingahandtowardLavinia
“Oy.’CourseIdo.”Theotherwomangrimaced.“ButevenIcan’tdoanymoredailywinetastingsatCorked.YesterdayIgave
awaythreedozenfreedonutsandtoldthepostmanIlovehimthankstoaBeaujolaisbuzz.”

“Yes.”Halliereplayedthewhineofthediscoballgrindingtoahaltandhersubsequentgetawayjog.“I’mstartingtothink
thedaytimealcoholconsumptionmightbeaffectingmybehaviorinanegativeway.”

Jeromecoughed—hisversionofalaugh.“What’stheexcuseforyourbehaviorbeforeyoustartedattendingdailywinetastings?”hewantedtoknow.He’dturnedfromtheglazingstationandleanedbackagainst
themetaltable,hisdeep-brownarmscrossedoverhisbarrelchest.“WhenIwasontheforce,wewouldhavecalledthisan
escalation.”

“No,”Halliewhisperedinhorror,grippingthestrapofherbag.
“Leaveherbe,Jerome,”Laviniascolded,swattingherhusbandonthearm.“YouknowwhatourHalliehasbeenthroughlately.AnditisdistressingtowatcheveryonemigrateovertoUNCORKEDlikeabiglotoflemmings.Toomuchchange,allatonce,innit,babe?”
Lavinia’ssympathycausedapanginHallie’schest.God,shelovedherfriends.EvenJeromeandhisbrutalhonesty.Buttheir
kindnessalsomadeHalliefeellikethesoleupside-downcrayoninaboxofCrayolas.Shewasatwenty-nine-year-oldwoman
hidingbehindastandingmixeraftercommittingdiscoballsabotageandinterruptingtheworkdayoftwonormallyfunctioningpeople.Herphonebuzzedincessantlyinherpurse,herthreethirtyappointment,nodoubt,wantinganexplanation
forhertardiness.

Ittookherafullminutetofishthebuzzingdeviceoutofherpackedpurse.“Hello?”
“Hallie!ThisisVeronicaoveronHollisLane.Areyoustillplanningonlandscapingmywalkwaythisafternoon?It’spast
fouro’clocknowandIhaveearlydinnerplans.”

Fouro’clock?HowlonghadshebeenbroodingacrossthestreetfromUNCORKED,pretendingtoreadthesameNancyandSluggo
comicstripoverandover?“That’sfine.Goaheadandtakeoff.I’llbeovertogetstartedsoon.”

“ButIwon’tbehometoletyouin,”explainedVeronica.
Hallieopenedhermouthandclosedit.“Yourgardenisoutside,right?”
“Yes,but…well,Ishouldbeheretogreetyou,atleast.Theneighborsshouldwitnessmeacknowledgingyourarrival,sotheydon’tthinkyou’retrespassing.And—oh
fine,maybeIwouldn’tmindsupervisingalittle.I’mveryparticular.”

Thereitwas.Hallie’spersonalkissofdeath.
Aclientwantingtocontroltheflowernarrative.
Hergrandmotherhadbeenpatientwiththatsortofthing,listeningcarefullytoacustomer’sdemandsandgentlyguidingthemovertohercamp.Halliedidn’townapairofkidgloves.Shecouldproducebeautifulgardensburstingwithcolorandlife—andshedid.AlloverSt.Helena.KeepingthenameBecca’sBloomsaliveinthespiritofthegrandmotherwhohadraisedherfromagefourteen.Butshedidn’thaveamethodtohermadness.Itwasallgutfeelingsandmoodplanting.
Chaotic,liketherestofherlife.
That’swhatworkedforher.Themadnesskeptherbusyanddistracted.Whenshesatdownandtriedtogetorganized,that’s
whenthefutureseemedtoooverwhelming.

“Hallie?”chirpedVeronicaintoherear.“Areyoucoming?”
“Veronica,I’msosorryfortheinconvenience,”shesaid,swallowing,hopinghergrandmothercouldn’thearherfromheaven.
“WithitbeinglateJuneandall,I’mafraidmyscheduleisburstingattheseamsalittle.ButIhaveacolleagueintown
whoIknowcoulddoafabulousjobonyourgarden—andhe’smuchbetteratinterpretingaspecificvisionthanIam.I’msure
you’veheardofOwenStark,seenhisnamearoundtown.I’mgoingtocallhimassoonasIhangupandhavehimgiveyoua
ring.”

Hallieendedthecallamomentlater.“Well,myeveningisfreenow.MaybeI’llgoknockoveraconveniencestore.”
“Dostealmeapackofsmokeswhileyou’reatit,babe,”Laviniarequestedwithoutmissingabeat.“Andsomeantacidsfor
ourJerome.”

“Anythingformyaccomplices.”
Jeromesnorted.“I’dturnyouintothepoliceinaheartbeat,”hesaid,turningbacktohisbearclaws,dustingthemwith
powderedsugar.

Hedoesn’tmeanthat,LaviniamouthedatHallie.

Halliegaveherfriendawrylook.Truthfully,shedidn’tblameJeromeforbeingannoyedwithher.Thiswasn’tthefirsttime
she’dhiddenbehindthestandingmixer.Cometothinkofit…haditevenbeenafullmonthsincethelasttime?Onopening
dayatUNCORKED,shemighthavepilferedafewoftheflyersbeingcirculatedaroundtown.Andbyafew,shemeantshe’dcanceled
allofherappointmentsandsnuckaround,takingthemoutofstorewindows.Onthefinallegofherquest,she’dbeencaught
byanoverdressedmanagerinatweedsuitandlittleroundglasses.He’dchasedherhalfablock.

Sheshouldstopworryingsomuchaboutthingsshecouldn’tchange.Ifshe’dlearnedanythinggrowingupwithavagabondfor
amother,it’sthatchangewasinevitable.Thingsandpeopleandeventraditionswereoftenthereoneminuteandreplaced
thenext.Buthergrandmotherwasn’tgoingtobeoneofthem.Rebeccawastheship’srudderofherlife.Inwhichdirection
wouldHalliegowithouther?

Hallieforcedasmileontoherface.“Allright,I’llleaveyoutoit.Thanksforharboringme.”Becausesheknewherself
toowell,shecrossedherfingersbehindherback.“Ipromiseit’sthelasttime.”

Laviniadoubledoverlaughing.“MyGod,Hallie.Icanseeyourcrossedfingersinthestainlesssteelfridge.”
“Oh.”Faceheating,shesidesteppedtowardtherearexit.“I’lljustseemyselfout—”
“Wait!Iforgot.Ihavenews,”Laviniasaidabruptly,speedwalkinginHallie’sdirection.Sheslungtheirarmstogetherandpulledherintothesmallparkinglotthatranbehindthedonutshop,aswellastherestofthestoresonGrapevineWay.AssoonasthescreendoorofFudgeJudyslappedshutbehindthem,LavinialitanothercigaretteandhitHalliewiththekindofeyecontactthatscreamedthisisbignews.ExactlythekindofdistractionHallieneededtostallherself-reflectivemood.“Rememberthattastingyoudraggedmeto
afewmonthsbackatVosVineyard?”

Hallie’sbreathhitchedatthenameVos.“Yes.”
“Andrememberyougotsloshedandtoldmeyou’vebeeninlovewithJulianVos,theson,sinceyouwereafreshmaninhigh
school?”

“Shhhh.”Hallie’sfacehadtobethecolorofbeetjuicenow.“Keepyourvoicedown.Everyoneknowswhotheyareinthistown,
Lavinia!”

“Wouldyoustop?It’sjustyouandmehere.”Squintingoneeye,shetookalongpullofhercigaretteandblewthesmokesideways.
“He’sbackintown.Hearditstraightfromhismum.”

TheparkinglotseemedtoshrinkinaroundHallie,thegroundrisinguplikeawaveofasphalt.“What?I…Julian?”Theamountofreverenceshepackedintothewhisperofhisnamewouldhavebeenembarrassingifshehadn’thiddenbehindthis
woman’sstandingmixertwiceinonemonth.“Areyousure?HelivesnearStanford.”

“Yes,yes,he’sabrilliantprofessor.Ascholarwithacaseofthetall,dark,andbroodies.Nearlyyourfirstsnog.Iremember
everything—andyes,I’msure.Accordingtohismum,thehotprodigalsonislivingintheguesthouseatthevineyardforthe
nextseveralmonthstowriteahistoricalfictionnovel.”

AzapofelectricitywentthroughHallie,straightdowntoherfeet.
AnimageofJulianVoswasalways,alwaysonstandby,anditshottotheforefrontofhermindnow,vividandglorious.Hisblackhairwhippingrightandleftinthewind,hisfamilyvineyardlikeanendlessmazeonallsidesofhim,theskyburningwithbrightpurplesandoranges,hismouthdescendingtowardhersandstoppingrightatthelastsecond.He’dbeensocloseshecouldtastethealcoholonhisbreath.Socloseshecouldhavecountedtheblackflecksinhisbourbon-browneyesifonlythesunhadn’tset.
Shecouldalsofeelthewayhe’dsnaggedherwristanddraggedherbacktotheparty,mutteringaboutherbeingafreshman.
Thegreatesttragedyofherlife,rightupuntilshe’dlosthergrandmother,wasnotlandingthatkissfromJulianVos.For
thelastfifteenyears,she’dbeenspinningalternateendingsinhermind,occasionallyevengoingsofaraswatchinghis
historylecturesonYouTube—andrespondingtohisrhetoricalquestionsoutloud,likesomekindofpsychotic,one-sidedconversationalist.
Thoughshewouldtakethathumiliatingpracticetothegrave.

Nottomentiontheweddingscrapbookshe’dmadefortheminninthgrade.
“Well?”promptedLavinia.
Hallieshookherself.“Wellwhat?”
Laviniawavedhersmokinghandaround.“YoumightbumpintotheoldcrusharoundSt.Helenasoonenough.Isn’tthatexciting?”
“Yes,”Halliesaidslowly,beggingthewheelsinherheadtostopspinning.“Itis.”
“Doyouknowifhe’ssingle?”
“Ithinkso,”Halliemurmured.“Hedoesn’tupdatehisFacebookveryoften.Whenhedoes,it’susuallywithanewsarticle
aboutspaceexplorationoranarchaeologicaldiscovery—”

“Youareliterallyleachingmyvaginaofmoisture.”
“Buthisstatusisstillsingle,”Hallielaughed.“LasttimeIchecked.”
“Andwhenwasthat,ifyoudon’tmindmeasking?”
“Ayear,perhaps?”
Morelikeamonth,butnoonewascounting.
“Wouldn’titbesomethingtogetasecondchanceatthatkiss?”Laviniapokedherintheribs.“Thoughit’llbefarfromyour
firstatthisstageofyourlife,hey?”

“Ohyeah,it’llbeatleastmy…”
Herfriendsquintedaneye,proddingtheairwithafinger.“Eleventh?Fifteenth?”
“Fifteenth.Yougotit.”Halliecoughed.“Minusthirteen.”
Laviniastaredatherforanextendedmoment,lettingoutalowwhistle.“Well,Jesus.Nowonderyouhavesomuchunspent
energy.”Shestubbedouthercigarette.“Okay,forgetwhatIsaidaboutbumpingintohim,youtwo-kisspony.Happenstance
isn’tgoingtowork.Wemustarrangesomekindofslymeeting.”Shethoughtforasecond,thenlandedonsomething.“Ooh!
MaybechecktheWebandseeifVosVineyardishavinganothereventsoon.He’sboundtobethere.”

“Yes.Yes,Icoulddothat.”Halliecontinuedtonod.“OrIcouldjustcheckinwithMrs.Vosandseeifherguesthouseneeds
somenewlandscaping.Mywaxedbegoniaswouldaddanicepopofredtoanyfrontyard.Andwhocouldturndownlantanas?They
staygreenallyear.”

“…Hallie.”
“Andofcourse,there’sthatlate-JunediscountI’moffering.”
“Youcanneverdoanythingtheeasyway,canyou?”Laviniasighed.
“I’mmuchbetteratspeakingtomenwhenI’mbusydoingsomethingwithmyhands.”
Herfriendraisedaneyebrow.“Youheardyourself,right?”
“Yes,pervert,Iheard,”shemuttered,alreadyliftingthephonetoherear,excitementbeginningtoskiparoundinherbelly
whenthelinestartedtoring.“Rebeccaalwayssaidtolookforsigns.IjustcanceledthatbiweeklyjobwithVeronicaon
HollisLaneforareason.SoI’dbeopenforthisone.Potentially.ImighthaveNaparunninginmyblood,butwinetastings
aren’tmyelement.Thisisbetter.I’llhavemyflowersasabuffer.”

“Isupposethat’sfairenough.You’rejusthavingalittlelookathim.”
“Yes!Atinybabyofalook.Fornostalgia’ssake.”
Laviniawasbeginningtonodalongwithher.“Fuckme,I’mactuallygettingalittleexcitedaboutthis,Hal.It’snotevery
dayagirlgetsasecondshotatkissingherlifelongcrush.”

Exactly.That’swhyshewasn’tgoingtooverthinkthis.Actfirst,reflectlater.Hercredoworkedoutatleasthalfthetime.Alotofthingshadfarworseodds.Like…thelottery.Orcrackingopen
adouble-yolkedegg.Nomatterwhathappened,though,she’dbelayinghereyesonJulianVosagain.Intheflesh.Andsoon.

Obviously,thiscourseofactioncouldbackfire.Righteously.
Whatifhedidn’tevenrememberherorthatnightinthevineyard?
Afterall,fifteenyearshadpassedandherfeelingsforJulianinhighschoolwerewoefullyone-sided.Beforethenightofthealmost-kiss,he’dbeenblissfullyunawareofherexistence.Andimmediatelyafterward,she’dbeenpulledfromschoolbyhermotherforanextendedroadtriptoTacoma.He’dgraduatedsoonafter,andshe’dneverseenhimagaininreallife.
Ablanklookfromthemanwhostarredinherfantasiescouldbeacrushingdisappointment.Butherimpulsivityhadgotten
worsesincethelossofRebeccainJanuary,anditwastootemptingtothrowherselfintooneofherunknownsnow.Tolet
thechipsfallwheretheymaywithoutreasoningthroughheractionsfirst.Alittlenigglebeneathhercollarwarnedherto
stopandslowdown,takesometimetothink,butsheignoredit,herspinesnappingstraightwhenCorinneVos’scrisp,almost
amused-soundingvoicecurledinherear.“Hello?”

“Mrs.Vos,hello.It’sHallieWelchfromBecca’sBlooms.Idothelandscapingaroundyourpoolandrefreshyourporchevery
season.”

Theslightestpause.“Yes.Hello,MissWelch.WhatcanIdoforyou?”
Hallieheldthephoneawaysoshecouldgulpdownabreathforcourage,thensettledthescreenoncemoreagainsttheside
ofherface.“Actually,IwashopingIcoulddosomethingforyou.Mywaxedbegoniasarejuststunningthisyear,andIthought
someofthemmightlookbeautifularoundyourproperty…”
ChapterTwo
JulianVosforcedhisfingerstomoveacrossthekeyboard,eventhoughtheplotwasgoingofftherails.He’dsetasidethirty
minutestowritewithoutstopping.Therefore,thirtyminutesneededtobecompleted.Hishero,Wexler,whohadtimetraveled
tothepast,wasnowmusingoverhowmuchhemissedfastfoodandindoorplumbingofthefuture.Allofthiswouldbedeleted,
buthehadtokeepwritingforanotherthirtyseconds
Twenty-nine.Twenty-eight.
Thefrontdooroftheguesthouseopenedandclosed.Juliankepthiseyesgluedtothecursor,thoughhefrowned.Onthescreen
ofhisdesktop,Wexlernowturnedtohiscolleagueandsaid,“Nooneisscheduledtobeherethisafternoon.”

Histimerwentoff.
Julianslowlysatbackintheleatherexecutivechairandallowedhishandstodriftawayfromthekeyboardtorestonhis
thighs.“Hello?”hecalledwithoutturningaround.

“It’syourmother.”Hercrispfootstepsmovedfromtheentrywaytothehallbeneaththestairs,whichledtothebackofficeoverlookingtheyard.“Iknockedseveraltimes,Julian,”shesaid,comingtoastopinthedoorwaybehindhim.“Whateveryou’rewritingmustbequiteengrossing.”
“Yes.”Sinceshedidn’tspecificallyaskwhathewaswriting,heassumedshewasn’tinterestedanddidn’tbotherelaborating.Heturnedthechairaroundandstood.“Sorry
forthewait.Iwascompletingathirty-minutecycle.”

CorinneVoscrackedasmallsmile,brieflyunearthingthelinesaroundhereyesandsidesofhermouth.“Stillstickingto
yourtightschedules,Isee.”

Juliannoddedonce.“AllIhaveinthefridgeissparklingwater,”hesaid,gesturingforhertoprecedehimoutoftheoffice.
Deletingwordswaspartofthewritingprocess—he’dreadextensivelyaboutdraftingmethodsinStructuringYourNovel—buthismotherdidn’tneedtoseeWexlerwaxingpoeticaboutcheeseburgersandtoilets.ThefactthatJulianwastakinga
breakfromteachinghistorytowritefictionwasalreadyprovidingherwithmorethanenoughamusement.Hedidn’tneedto
addfueltothefire.“Haveaglasswithme?”

Sheinclinedherhead,hergazetickingbrieflyoverhisshouldertothecomputerscreen.“Yes,please.Sparklingwatersounds
fine.”

Theyrelocatedtothekitcheninsilence,Julianremovingtwoslimglassesfromthecabinetandfillingthemup,handingone
tohismother,whohadn’ttakenaseat.Notwantingtobeimpolite,Julianremainedstanding,too.

“Howisthisplace?”Corinneasked,tappingherrowofSacramento-greennailsontheglass.Theywerealwayspaintedthesame
shade,tomatchtheVosVineyardlogo.“Comfortable?”

“Very.”
“Areyousureyouwouldn’tratherstayupinthemainhouse?”Withabemusedsmile,shesweptthekitchenwithalook.“Wehavefoodthere.Astafftoprepareit.Withoutthosethingstoworryabout,youcouldfocusmoreonwriting.”
“Iappreciatetheoffer,butI’dratherhavethequiet.”Theysippedinsilence.Thewatchonhiswristticked.Notaudibly,
buthecouldfeelthegentledriftofthesecondhandasitroundedthemidnight-blueface.“Operationsarerunningsmoothly
atVos?”

“Ofcourse.Whywouldn’ttheybe?”Corinnesetherglassonthecounterwithatouchtoomuchforceandfoldedherhandsat
herwaist,pinninghimwithalookthatmadehimoddlysentimental.Itcalledtomindthetimeshissister,Natalie,gotthem
intotroublearoundthevineyardaskids.TheywouldreturnhometofindCorinnewaitingatthebackdoorwithapinchedforehead
andinstructionstocleanthemselvesupfordinnerimmediately.Bynomeanscouldhisfamilybetermedclose.Theyweresimply
related.Theycarriedtheweightofthesamelastname.Buttherewereinstancesinthepast,likeshowingupattheback
doorjustbeforedarkcoveredinmudandsticks,whenhecouldpretendtheywerelikeeveryotherfamily.“Thereissomething
Iwanttospeakwithyouabout,Julian,ifyouhaveamoment.”

Mentally,hedeductedfifteenminutesfromhisnextwritingsprintandaddedittothefinaloneoftheday,bringinghim
upeven.Rightonschedule.“Yes,ofcourse.”

Corinneturnedherheadandlookedoutattheacressittingbetweentheguesthouseandthemainone.LandfilledwithrowafterrowofVosgrapes.Lushgreenvineswrappedaroundwoodenposts,popsofdeep-purplefruitwarmedandnurturedbytheNapasunlight.Morethanhalfofthosesupportpostshadbeentheresincehisgreat-grandfatherfoundedthevineyardandthedistributionsideofVosVineyardinthelatefifties.
Theotherhalfofthosepillarshadbeenreplacedafterthewildfirefouryearsprior.
Alsoknownasthelasttimehe’dbeenhome.
Asifhe’drecalledthathellishweekoutloud,Corinne’sattentionsnappedbacktohim.“It’ssummerinNapa.Youknowwhat
thatmeans.”

Julianclearedhisthroat.“EnoughwinetastingstoturnSt.HelenaintodrunkDisneyland?”
“Yes.AndIknowyou’rebusyhereandI’mnottryingtointerrupt.Butthereisafestivalcomingupinjustundertwoweeks.
WineDownNapa.It’saridiculousname,butitdrawsalotofattentionfromthemedia,nottomentionacrowd.Naturally,
Voswillhaveasignificantpresencethere,anditwouldlookgood,intheeyesofthepress—andtheValleyasawhole—if
youwerethere.Supportingthefamilybusiness.”Sheseemedfascinatedbythecrownmolding.“Ifyoucouldbetherefromseven
tonineintheevening,thatshouldsuffice.”

Therequestgavehimpause.Namely,becauseitwasarequestfromhismother,andCorinnedidn’tmakethose.Notunlessthere
wasaverygoodreason—especiallywithfavorspertainingtothevineyard.Shetookgreatprideinmanagingtheoperationsolo.
Still,hecouldn’tshakethefeelingsomethingwasoff.“Doesthefamilybusinessneedsomeadditionalsupport?”

“Isupposeitwouldn’thurt.”Herexpressiondidn’tchange,buttherewasaflickerinthedepthsofhereyes.“Nothingto
bealarmedabout,ofcourse,butthereisalotofcompetitionintheValley.Alotofnewflash.”

InCorinneterms,thatwastantamounttoadmittingtotrouble.Whatdegreeoftrouble,though?Juliandidn’tknow,butthesubjectofthewineryhadbeenclosedtohimfouryearsago.Forcefully.Byhisfather.Still,hecouldn’tverywellignoretheburiednoteofdistressinhismother’stone,couldhe?“WhatcanI…”Heclearedhisthroathard.“CanIdoanything
tohelp?”

“Youcanbepresentatthefestival,”shesaidwithoutmissingabeat,asmilereturningtoherface.
Givennochoicebuttobackawayfromthesubjectfornow,Juliandippedhischin.“Ofcourse.”
IfCorinnewasrelieved,sheshoweditonlybrieflybydroppingherclaspedhandsandshakingthemout.“Wonderful.Iwould
tellyoutomarkitonyourcalendar,butIsuspectit’sthefirstthingyou’lldowhenIleave.”

Juliansmiledtightly.“You’renotwrong.”
MaybetheonethingtheVosfamilycouldbecountedontoknowabouteachotherwastheirindividualquirks.Theirfaults.
Corinnehatedrelyingonanyonebutherself.Julianneededanairtightschedule.Hisfather,thoughgonenow,hadbeenobsessed
withcultivatingtheperfectgrapetothepointthateverythingelsefelltothewayside.Andhissister,Natalie,wasnever
notschemingorplanningaprank.GoodthingshewasoffterrorizingthepopulationofNewYorkCity,threethousandmiles
fromNapa.

Leavinghisglassonthecounter,Julianfollowedhismothertothedoor.
“I’llletyougetbacktoit,”shesaidbriskly,turningtheknobandsteppingintoawashofsunshine.“Oh,beforeIgo,
theremaybeasmallcommotionoutsidelatertoday,butit’snothingtoconcernyourselfwith.”

Juliandrewupshort,avisionofhisstopwatchappvanishinglikemist.“Whatdoyoumeanbyasmallcommotion?Thereisnosuchthing.”

“Isupposeyou’reright.”Shepursedherlips.“It’lljustbeacommotion.”
“Whatsort?”
“Thegardener.She’llbedroppingbytoplantsomebegonias.”
Juliancouldn’thidehisperplexity.“Why?”
Browneyes,verysimilartohisown,flashed.“BecauseIhiredhertodoso.”
Hislaughwasshort.Morelikeascoffingexhale.“Icouldn’tcarelessaboutflowers,andI’mtheonlyoneheretolookat
them.”

Theybothstoppedandvisiblystraightenedthemselves.Arguingwasbeneaththem.Theywerecivilized.Theyhadbeentaught
togrinandbeartheirwaythroughanger,tonotgiveintotheurgetowin.Victorymeanteveryonewalkedawayhalfsatisfied,
relievedtogetbacktotheirownseparateworld.

“Whattimeisshearriving?”
DidthecornerofCorinne’smouthjumpalittle?“Threeo’clock.”Shesmiledandsteppedontotheporch,descendingonestep.
Two.“Approximately.”

Julian’seyetwitched.
Heloathedtheword“approximately.”Ifhecouldremoveonewordfromthedictionary,itwouldbe“approximately,”followed
by“nearly”and“somewhat.”Ifthisgardenergaveonlyballparkarrivaltimes,theywerenotgoingtogetalong.Besttostayinside
andignoreher.

Shouldbeeasyenough.
***
Thegardenerarrivedwithfiveminutesleftinhiswritingsprint.
Whatsoundedlikeatruckcrunchedtoastopinthepebbleddriveway,therumblingenginefallingsilent.Asquealingdoor
slammed.Twodogsstartedtobark.

Sorry,makethatthreedogs.

Jesus.Christ.
Well,iftheyneededsomethingfromhim,theywouldallhavetodamnwellwait.
Hewasn’tevengoingtobreakconcentrationtolookatthetime.
Butconsideringhe’dstartedthisthirty-minutewritingsessionatfouro’clock,heassumeditwasnearingfourthirty—and
thatmadethisgardeneragrandtotalofanhourandahalflate.Thatwassolate,itdidn’tevenconstitutelate.Itwas
afull-blownabsence.

Hewouldbelettingherknowit.Justassoonashistimerwentoff.
“Hello?”calledanextremelycheerfulvoicefromthedriveway,followedbyachorusofexcitedbarking.“Mr.Vos?”
Julian’sfingersalmoststoppedonthekeyboardatbeingcalledMr.Vos.AtStanford,hewasProfessorVos.OrsimplyProfessor.
Mr.Voswashisfather.
Forthebreathofasecond,themotionsofhisfingersgrewstiff.
Hetypedfastertomakeupforthestutter.Andhekeptrightongoingwhenthefrontdoorofthehouseopened.“Hello?Iseveryonedecent?”Somethingaboutthevoiceofthisgardener—andapparenttrespasser—tuggedathismemory,buthecouldn’tquitelandonthefacethatmatched.Whythehelldidsheneedtoenterthehomewhenhisgardenwasoutside?Hadhismotherhiredthispersonaspaybackfornotcominghomeforfouryears?Ifso,thetorturewaseffective.Hisbloodpressurerosewitheverycreakofherfootstepsdownthehallway.“I’mheretoplantyourbegonias..Boys!Heel!”

IfJulianwasn’tmistaken,thatwasapairofpawsrestingonhisshoulders.Thecold,wetmuzzleofanothercaninesnuffled
athisthigh,thentriedtodislodgehisfingersfromthekeyboard.

Briefly,Julian’sgazefelltohisstopwatch.Threemoreminutes.
Ifhedidn’tfinishthesession,hewouldn’trelaxallnight.Butitwashardtoconcentratewhenhecouldseethereflection
ofayellowlabinthecomputermonitor.AsifsensingJulian’sattention,theanimalrolledoverontohisbackontherug,
tonguelollingout.

“I’msosorrytointerrupt…”camethebright,almostmusicalvoicebehindhim.“Oh,you’rejustgoingtokeepgoing.
Okay.”Ashadowfelloveraportionofhisdesk.“Isee.Thisissomekindoftimedsession.”Sheshivered,asifshe’djust
foundouthewasaphantomhauntingthepremises,ratherthansomeonewhosimplyvaluedminutesandtheirmanyuses.Perhaps
sheshouldtakenote.“Youcannotstop…”shesaidslowly,herpresencewarminghisrightupperback.“Untilthestopwatch
runsout,oryouwon’tearnyourglassofwhiskey.”

Wait.
What?
Oh,Jesus.WexlerwasvoicingthethoughtsinsideofJulian’sheadagain.
Andthegardenerwasreadingoverhisshoulder.
Finally,thetimerwentoff,sendingthedogsintoahowlingcompetition.
Julianpinnedhisphone’sredtimerbuttonwithhisindexfinger,tookadeepbreath,andturnedslowlyintheexecutivechair,
preparingtherebukeofthecentury.InthehistorydepartmentatStanford,hewasknownforbeingparticular.Exacting.Rigorous.
Butwhenitcametocensuringstudents,helethisgradesdothetalking.Hedidn’thavetimeforextralecturesafterhours.Whenastudentrequestedameeting,heaccommodatedthem,ofcourse.Aslongastheyscheduledinadvance.
Godhelptheoneswhoshowedupunannounced.

“Ifthereissomereasonyou’vedecidedtoentermyhomewithoutpermission,Iwouldlovetohearit…”
Hefinishedturning.
RightthereinfrontofJulianwasthesinglemostincrediblepairofbreastshe’deverseen.Julianwasn’tthetypetogawk
atwomen.Butthesebreastswerejustbelowhiseyeline,mereinchesfromhisface.Therewassimplynolookingaway.God
helphim,theywerespectacular.Big,toputitbluntly.Theywerebig.AnddisplayedratherprominentlyinababyblueT-shirt,
throughwhichhecouldmakeoutthepolkadotpatternofthegardener’sbra.

“Isittrue?”askedthebreasts.“Thatyouwon’tletyourselfhaveadrinkattheendofthedayunlessyouwriteforthe
fullthirtyminutes?”

Julianshookhimself,searchingdesperatelyfortheirritationhe’dfeltpre-breasts,buthecouldn’tseemtolocateitvery
easily.Especiallywhenhelookedupandfinallymetthegardener’ssparklingdove-grayeyesandsomething,veryunexpectedly,
joltedinhismidsection.

God.That’sasmile.
Andawholelotofchaos.
Blondcorkscrewcurlsrioteddowntohershoulders,butalotofthemstoodonend,pointingeastorwest,likebrokencouch
springs.Shehadthreenecklaceson,andnoneofthemmatched.Gold,wooden,silver.Thepocketsstuckoutofthebottomof
herjeanshortsand…yeah,hereallyneededtokeephisattentionaboveherneck,becauseherboldcurvesweredemanding
tobeacknowledgedandhehadnotbeeninvitedtodoso.Alotlikeshehadn’tbeeninvitedintotheguesthouse
Still.Shewasfull-figuredandhidingnoneofsaidfigure.
Therewassomethingabouttheenthusiasticenjoymentofherbodythatmadehisownstarttoharden.Julian’srealizationthat
hewasbecomingarousedcausedhimtositupstraighterandcoughintoafist,searchingforawaytoregaincontrolofthis
insanesituation.Threedogswerenowlickingthemselvesontherugofhisofficeand…

Somethingaboutthisyoungwomanwasveryfamiliar.Very.
Hadtheygonetoschooltogether?Thatwasthelikelyexplanation.NapaValleymightbelarge,buttheinhabitantsofSt.Helenawereaclose-knitbunch.Aroundhere,vintnersandtheiremployeestendedtoremainlocalforever.Theypassedontheirpracticestofuturegenerations.Justthisafternoon,whileonhisdailyrun,he’dcomeacrossManuel,thecurrentvineyardmanagerwhosefatheremigratedfromSpainwhenJulianwasinelementaryschool.Manuel’ssonwasonlytwelve,butalreadyhewaslearningthetradesohecouldtakeoverforhisfatheroneday.Oncewineseepedintothelifebloodofafamily,ittendedtostaythere.Similarly,wineranintheveinsofmostlocals.Withtheexceptionofnewlymintedtechmillionairespurchasingvineyardsforbraggingrights,therewasn’talotofturnoverinresidents.
Certainly,however,ifhe’dgonetoschoolwiththisnow-gardener,hewouldremember.
Shewasnothingifnotmemorable.
Whywasthesensationinhisbellytellinghimheshouldknowherwell,though?

Itwouldbebettertoproceedasifthiswastheirfirstmeeting,justincasehisperceptionwasoff,right?Weren’tmen
alwaystryingtopickupwomenbyclaimingtoknowthemfromsomewhere?OrwasthatjusthiscolleagueGarth?

Julianstoodandextendedhishand.“I’mJulianVos.Nicetomeetyou.”
Thelightinhereyesdimmeddistinctively,andhesuspected,inthatmoment,thathe’dalreadyfuckeduptheiracquaintance.
Hisstomachsouredatthewaysheblinkedrapidlyandrenewedhersmile,asifputtingonabraveface.Beforehecouldclaw
hiswaybackandaskwhyshestruckhimassofamiliar,shespoke.“I’mHallie.Heretoplantyourbegonias.”

“Right.”Shewasshort.Severalinchesshorterthanhim.Withasunburnednosethathecouldn’tseemtostopstaringat.More
appropriatethanherincrediblebreasts,hesupposed.Stickwiththenose.“Didyouneedsomethingfromme?”

“Yes.Ido.”Nowsheseemedtobeshakingherselffreeofwhateverwashappeninginherhead.Whydidhefeelasifhe’ddisappointedher?Furthermore,whydidhewanttodiscernherthoughtssobadly?Thisunpunctualwomanandherhoundswereinterruptinghiswork,andhestillhadonemorethirty-minutesessionbeforehisworkdayended.“Thewaterthatleadstothehoseoutsideisturnedoff,sincenoonehasbeenlivinghere.I’llneedittowaterthebegoniasafterthey’replanted.Youknow?Toreallywelcomethemhome?Thereshouldbeahandleinthecellarormaybeinalaundryroom…?”
Hewatchedherhandmimicthemotionoftwistingaknob,notingtheabundanceofrings.Thedirtunderhernailswasfrom
gardening,nodoubt.“Ihavenoidea.”

Sheflickedacurloutofhereyeandbeamedasmileupathim.“I’llgohavealook.”
“Please.Bemyguest.”
Abeatpassedbeforesheturned,asifexpectingmorefromhim.Whenhedidn’tdeliver,shewhistledatthedogs,bringing
thetrioofthemtotheirfeet.“Comeon,boys.Comeon.”Shecoaxedthemdownthehallwaywithvigorousscratchesbehind
theirears.

Withoutrealizingrightawaywhathewasdoing,Julianfollowedthem.
Everythingabouthermovementsdrewtheeye.Theywereharriedandcontrolledallatonce.Shewasawalkingwhirlwind,knocking
intoherdogs,apologizingtothem,andturningincircles,searchingforthehandleofthisfaucet.Inandoutofroomsshe
went,mutteringtoherself,surroundedbyherpackofanimals.

Hecouldn’tlookaway.
BeforeJulianknewit,he’dfollowedHallieintothelaundryroom,findingheronhandsandknees,tryingtowrenchacircular
pieceofmetaltotheleft,herdogsbarkingasthoughdeliveringencouragementorpossiblyinstructions.

Hadthishousereallybeendeadsilentfiveminutesago?
“I’vealmostgotit,boys,holdon.”Shegroaned,strained,herhipstiltingup,andthebloodinhisheadrushedsouthso
quickly,henearlysawdouble.

Oneofthedogsturnedandbarkedathim.
Asiftosay,Whyareyoujuststandingthere,asshole?Helpher.
Hisonlyexcusewasbeingthoroughlydistractedbythelightningjoltofenergyshe’ddeliveredtohisspaceinamatterof
moments.Andyes,alsobyherattractiveness—anoddcrossbetweenradiantpinupgirlandunkemptearthmother—andbeingdistracted
byherappearancewasn’tappropriateatall.“Pleasegetoffthefloor,”Juliansaidbriskly,unfasteningthebuttonsonthe
wristsofhisdressshirtandrollingupthesleeves.“I’llturniton.”

Whenshescootedbackandstood,herhairwasevenmoredisarrayedthanbeforeandshehadtotugdownherridden-upjean
shorts.“Thanks,”shebreathed.

Wasshestaringathisforearms?
“Ofcourse,”hesaidslowly,takingherspotonthefloor.
Inthereflectionofthehandle,hecouldhaveswornshewassmilingathisbent-overform,specificallyhisass,butthe
imagewasprobablyjustinverted.

Unlessitwasn’t?
Shakinghisheadoverthewholeoddsituation,Juliangrippedthehandleandwrencheditleft,turninguntilitstopped.“Done.
Doyouwanttocheckitout?”

“Iam,”shesaidthroatily.“Oh,thehose?I—I’msurethewaterisonnow.Thankyou.”
JuliancametohisfeetjustintimetowatchHallietornadoherwayoutofthehouse,hercanineadmirersfollowingherwith
utterdevotionintheireyes,theirnailsclickingoverhishardwoodflooruntiltheydisappearedoutside.Silencedescended
hard.

ThankGod.
Still,hefollowedHallie.
Noideawhy.Hisworkwaswaiting.
Maybebecausehefeltthisoddlyunsettledfeeling,likehe’dfailedatest
Orperhapsbecausehe’dneveransweredherquestion.
Isittrue?Thatyouwon’tletyourselfhaveadrinkattheendofthedayunlessyouwriteforthefullthirtyminutes?
Ifthisyoungwomanwasbluntenoughtoaskastrangerabouthishabits,therewasagoodchanceshewouldhaveseveraluncomfortable
follow-ups,whichhedidn’thavethetimeorinclinationtoanswer.Yethecontinuedtotheporch,anyway,watchingasshe
loweredthegateonherwhitepickuptruckandstartedtounloadpalletsofredflowers.Thetinywomanwhobarelyreached
hischinstaggeredundertheweightofthefirstloadofflowers,andJulianlurchedforwardwithoutthinking,thedogsyipping
athisapproach.“I’llcarrytheflowers.Justtellmewhereyouwantthem.”

“I’mnotsureyet!Justsetthemdownonthelawn.Wherethatlineofshrubsbegins.”
Liftingapalletofflowers,Julianfrowned.“You’renotsurewherethey’regoing?”
Halliesmiledoverhershoulder.“Notyet.”
“Whenwillyoudecidewheretheyshouldgo?”
Thegardenerdroppedtoherknees,leanedforward,andsmoothedherhandsovertheturnedbrownsoil.“Theflowersmoreor
lessdecideforthemselves.I’llmovethemaroundintheirindividualcontainersuntiltheylookjustright.”

Juliandidn’texactlylovethesoundofthat.Hestoppedafewfeetaway,tryingandfailingnottonoticethestrandsof
frayed,whitedenimlyingonthebacksofherthighs.“Theywillbeanequaldistanceapart,Iassume.”

“Maybeonaccident?”
Thatdidit.Hismotherwasdefinitelypunishinghim.She’dsenthimthiscurvaceousgardenertothrowoffhisconcentration
andflaunthisneedfororganization.Detailedplans.Aschedule.Relativesanity.

Shelaughedathisexpression,stood,andchewedherlipamoment.Brushedherhandsdowntheworn-inlapofhershorts.Was
sheblushingnow?Backinthehouse,hecouldhaveswornshewascataloguinghisphysique.Now,however,sheduckedpasthim,
almostasiftooshytolookhimintheeye.Theminiblondhurricanereturnedtothetruckforacanvasbagfulloftools,
thenpickedherwaybackacrosstheyardinhisdirection.“So,”shestartedonherwaypasthim.“Youtookabreakfromteaching
towriteabook.That’ssoexciting.Whatmadeyoudecidetodothat?”

Finally,hesetdownthetrayofflowers.“Howdidyouknow?”
Trowelinhand,shepaused.“Yourmothertoldme.”
“Right.”Hedidn’tknowwhattodowithhishandsnow.Theyweretoodirtytoputinhispockets,sohejustkindofstood
therelookingatthem.“It’ssomethingI’dalwaysplannedtodo.Writethebook.ThoughtheoccasioncamesoonerthanIexpected.”

“Oh.Why?”
Halliekneltstraightdownintothedirt,andhisstomachturnedsideways.“CanInotgetyouatowelorsomething?”Shethrewhimanamusedglancebutdidn’tanswer.And,inaway,Juliansupposedhewasstalling.Hedidn’tknowhowtoanswerherquestion.WhywashebackinNapa,writingthebooksoonerthanexpected?Hisanswerwaspersonal,andhe’dspokenitoutloudtonoone.Forsomereason,though,theideaoftellingHalliedidn’tmakehimfeeluncomfortable.Afterall,shewascasuallydiggingawayinthedirt,insteadofwaitingonhisanswerasifitwouldbesomemonumentalrevelation.“Ichangedtheorderofmyten-yearplanslightlyafter…well,mycolleagueatStanford,Garth,hadsomethingofamentalbreakdown.”
Shesetdownthetrowel.Twistedherbuttaroundinthedirttofacehim,cross-legged.
Butherundividedattentiondidn’tthrowhimofformakehimwishhehadn’tstarteddownthispath.Herkneeswerecakedin
soil.Thiswasaslowpressureasitgot.

“NormallyIwouldbeteachingthroughthesummer.I’vebeengoingyear-roundforsometimenow.Iwouldn’t…knowwhat
thehelltodowithabreak.”

Hallie’sgazeflickeredpasthimtothesprawlingvineyard,andheknewwhatshewasthinking.Hecouldcomehometohisfamily’s
nationallyrenownedvineyardonabreak.No.Itwasn’tquiteaseasyasthat.Butthatwasafardifferentconversation.

“Anyway,towardtheendofthespringsemester,therewasacommotionduringoneofmylectures.Astudentrandownthehall
andinterruptedmylessononthegeographicalconceptionsoftime.Theyaskedmeforassistance.Garthhad…”Thedifficult
memoryhadhimrubbingatthebackofhisneck,rememberingtoolatethathishandsweredirty.“He’dlockedhimselfinhis
office.Andhewouldn’tcomeout.”

“Ohno.Poorguy,”Halliemurmured.
Juliangaveabriefnod.“HehadsomepersonalissuesIwasn’tawareof.Insteadofdealingwiththemhead-on,he’dtaken
onaheavycourseloadand…”

“Itwastoomuch.”
“Yes.”
OneofthedogsapproachedHallie,nuzzlingherface.Shereceivedthelick,absentlypattingtheanimalonthehead.“Ishedoingbetternow?”
Julianthoughtoftherelaxedphoneconversationhe’dhadwithhiscolleaguethreedaysprior.Garthhadevenlaughed,which
hadrelievedJulian,whileatthesametimefillinghimwithacertainenvy.Ifonlyhewereasresilientandquicktoget
ontheroadtorecoveryashisfriend.“He’stakingsomemuch-neededtimeoff.”

“And…”Shepickeduphertrowelagainandstartedcreatingacompletelynewhole.Asfarashecouldtell,shewasn’t
evenfinishedwiththefirstone.“ThesituationwithGarthmadeyouwanttotakeabreakaswell?”

Arockformedinhisthroat.“We’vebeenteachingthesamelengthoftime,”hesaidbriskly,leavingoutthefactthathe
wasn’twithouthisown—unacknowledged—personalissues.Manyofwhichhadtodowiththeircurrentsurroundings.Memoriesof
thetendonsinhisthroatconstricting,aweightpressingdownonhischest.Thedizzinessandinabilitytofindrootsin
hiscurrentsurroundings.Juliandeterminedlyshuffledasidethosethoughts,returningtothematterofGarth.“Wehadthe
samecourseloadwithverylittleleeway.Steppingbackjustseemedlikethewisethingtodo.Thankfully,I’dleftsomeflexibility
inmyschedule.”
“Yourten-yearplan.”
“That’sright.”Helookedbackathertruck,notingthebrightblue-and-purplescriptreadingBecca’sBlooms.“Asabusinessowner,surelyyouhaveone.”

Sherolledherlipsinwardandgavehimasheepishlookfromherpositioninthedirt.“Wouldyousettleforaone-hourplan?”Herhandspaused.“Actually,scratchthat.Istillhaven’tdecidedifI’mpickingupdinnerfromthedinerorFrancesco’sonthewayhome.IguessIhaveaten-minuteplan.OrIwouldifIknewwheretheseflowersweregoing.Boys!”
Thedogsdescendedonher,snuffinghappilyintoherneck.Almostlikeshe’dcalledthemoverwiththeexpresspurposeof
derailinghertrainofthought.

“WhoisBecca?”Julianasked,wincingattheslobberleftbehindonhershoulder.“YourtrucksaysBecca’sBlooms,”heexplained
alittletooloudly,tryingtodrownouttheoddpoundingofhispulse.He’dneverseenanyonesocasuallymuddledinhis
life.Inthedirtwithherflowersanddogsandnoplan.

“Rebeccawasmygrandmother.Becca’sBloomswasestablishedbeforeIwasborn.Shetaughtmehowtogarden.”Shetiltedher
headalittle,didn’tmeethiseyes.“She’sbeengonesinceJanuary.Just…heartfailure.Inhersleep.”Ashadowmoved
acrossherfeatures,butshebrightenedagainquickly.“Nowshewouldhaveputyourflowersanequaldistanceapart.”

“I’mverysorry,”hesaid,stoppingwhenherealizedshe’dplantedthreebiggatheringsofredbloomsandtheiraccompanying
greenery.Ithadhappenedsoquicklyandorganicallyastheyspoke,hedidn’tevennotice.Steppingback,Julianframedup
theplantingswiththehouseandfoundshe’dsortof…anchoredtheemptyspacesinbetweenthewindowswithflowers.
Likefillingingaps.Didshedoitunconsciously?Thereseemedtobeamethodherethathecouldn’tdecipher.Still,the
spacingwaswayoff-kilterandalreadyshewaspositioningthenextonewayofftotheleft,promptingathrobbingbehindhiseyes.“Wouldyoumindjustputtingitclosertotheothers?You’reright
onthebrinkofasemicircle.IfItiltmyhead.Andsquint.”

Alotlikeintheirinitialmeetinginhisoffice,hesensedherdisappointmenteventhoughshekeptrightonsmiling.“Oh.”Shebobbedherblondcurls.“Sure.”
“Nevermind.”
Thewordswereoutofhismouthbeforeherealizedhe’dspoken.
Butshe’dalreadyputtheflowersclosertotheircounterparts.Pattedthedirtaroundthemandturnedonthehosetogive
themsomewater.Andnowshewasgatheringherthings,slidingthetrowelintoapocketithadn’tbeeninearlier,ifherecalled
correctly.Thedogswerecirclingher,sensingtheirimminentdeparture,
Yes,theywereleaving.
ThankGod.Right?Nowhecouldgetbacktowork.
Whattimewasit,anyway?
HadheactuallylosttrackoftheminutessinceHallie’sarrival?

JulianwassostartledbytherarepossibilitythatHalliewashalfwaytothetruckwithherfanclubbeforeherealizedit.
“Bye,Julian,”shecalled,tossinghertoolbagintotheopencabofthetruckandpryingopenthecreakingdriver’s-side
door,steppingbacksoherdogscouldpilein.“Goodluckwiththebook.Itwasreallynicetoseeyouagain.”

“Wait.”Hefroze.“Again?”
Shestartedthetruckanddroverightoutofhisdrivewaywithoutanswering.
They’dmetbefore.Heknewit.Where?How?
ThestillnessthatfellinthewakeofHallie’shecticpresenceeventuallyremindedJulianthathehadapurposeforbeing
inNapa.Thecursorwasblinkingonhisscreeninside.Timemarchedforward.Andhecouldn’tspareanymorethoughtsonthe
pinupearthmotherorthefactthatshewasextremelypretty.She’dcausedadisruptiontohisroutine,andnowitwasover.

Heshouldbegrateful.
No,hewas
Perhapshe’dbeenmomentarilyfascinatedbysomeonesowildlydifferentfromhim,butonaregularbasis?Thatkindofdisorder
inanotherpersonwoulddrivehimupthewall.

“No,thankyou,”Juliansaidtohimselfonthewaybackinside.“Nothappening.”ChapterThree
Halliepushedhercartdowntheoutdooraisleofthenursery,tappingtheskipbuttononthemusicappwithherthumb.Next
song.Nextsong.She’dgonethrougheverythingfromGlassAnimalstoherninetieship-hopmixandcouldn’tseemtosettle
onanythingtoday.AfterseeingJulianVosagaintheafternoonbefore,shewascaughtbetweensongsaboutunrequitedcrushes,
lettinggoofthepast,andhottuborgies.Inotherwords,shewasatadconfused.

Shestoppedpushingthecartandstoopeddowntopickupabagofpottingsoil,addingittohercartwithagruntandcontinuing
on.Oh,fifteenyearslater,JulianVoswasstillgorgeous.Beyondgorgeous,really,withhisropeyforearmsandperfectlygroomedblackhair.Thosesamebourbon-browneyessheremembered,
inalltheirintensityandintelligence.She’dactuallyforgottenhowmuchhetoweredoverherfive-foot-three-inchframe.

Andthatbutt
ThatbutthadagedlikeaCabernet.Full-bodiedand—sheassumed—delicious.
NeitherJuliannorhisbacksidehadrememberedher,however.ItsurprisedHalliehowmuchhimforgettingthatnightcrushedher.Sure,she’dalwayscarriedatorchforhim.Butuntilyesterday,shewasn’tawareofexactlyhowbrightitburned.Orhowmuchitwouldsucktohaveitsnuffedoutbyhisfoggymemory.
Andhisexactoppositeness.
Yes,he’dalwaysbeenstudiousandstructured.Sheshouldnothavebeensurprisedwhenheaskedhertorelocatethebegonias.
Butapparentlyshe’dcreatedsomeideaofJulianVosinhermindthatwasn’ttechnicallyreal.Themanfromherdreamswho
connectedwithheronamolecularlevelandcouldreadhermind?Hedidn’texistinreality.She’dbuilthimupintoafantasy
thatwouldneverplayout.HadshebeenmeasuringmenwiththeJulianVosyardstickforfifteenyears?Whocouldmeasureup
toafigmentofherimagination?

Although,somestubbornpartofherbrainrefusedtoacceptthathewasflat-outstodgywithasideofarrogance.Therewas
areasonshe’dcrushedsohardonhimduringfreshmanyearofhighschool,right?Yes.Asasenior,he’dbeennothingshort
ofbrilliant.Ashoo-inforvaledictorian.Atrack-and-fieldstar.Alocalcelebrity,byvirtueofhislastname.Butthose
weren’ttheonlyqualitiesthathadattractedHallie.

No,onmorethanoneoccasion,she’dwitnessedhimbeinggood
Attheoneandonlytrackmeetshe’deverattended,he’dstoppedrunningduringafour-hundred-meterdashtohelpupanopponent
who’dfallenandtwistedhisankle,thussacrificinghisownopportunitytowin.Asshe’dheldherbreathinthestands,he’d
doneitthesamewayshe’dobservedhimdoingeverythingelse.Withquietintensity.Practicalmovements.

ThatwasJulian’sway.Hebrokeupfightswithasimplelineoflogic.He’dhavehisheadburiedinabookwhiletheseniorgirlsswoonedoverhimfromadistance.
HalliehadtraveledallovertheWestCoastbythatpoint.Ontheroad,travelingfromgigtogigwithhermother.She’dmet
thousandsofstrangers,andshe’dneverencounteredanyonelikeJulianVos.Soateaseinhisgoodlooksandrichwithcharacter.
Unlessherfourteen-year-oldmindhadtrulyembellishedthefinerpointsofhispersonality?Ifshewasaskingherselfthat
question,itwasprobablytimetoletthecrushgo.

Latertonight,she’dremovethebookmarkofhisYouTubelectures.She’dsmoothoutthedog-earedpagecontaininghissenior
yearbookphoto.Inordertoblotoutthememoryoftheiralmost-kiss,she’dprobablyrequirehypnosis,buttherecollection
ofhisheaddippingtowardher,thefieryskyblazingallaroundthem,hadalreadybegunrecedingattheedges.Herchest
hurtoverthelossofsomethingthathadbeenhercompanionforsolong.Theonlyconstantbesideshergrandmother.Butfeeling
stupidfornursingacrushonsomeonewhodidn’tevenrememberher?

Yeah,thatstungalotworse.
Shekneltdownandadmiredaflockofhoneydew-greenzinnias.Nowayshecouldpassthemup.Latertoday—shecouldn’tremember
whattime—shewaslandscapingthefrontyardofasummerhome,preparingitforthearrivaloftheownerswholivedinLos
Angelestherestoftheyear.They’drequestedlotsofuniquecolors—andthatwasanaskshedidn’tmindintheslightest—

“Well,ifitisn’tthetalentedHallieWelch.”
ThefamiliarvoicebroughtHallietoherfeet,andshesmiledwarmlyattheyoungmanwithgingerhairapproachingherfromtheoppositedirection.“OwenStark.Whatonearthareyoudoinginthenurserybuyingflowersoutfromunderme?It’slikeyouownacompetinglandscapingbusinessorsomething.”
“Oh,youhaven’theard?Sosorryyouhavetofindoutthisway.Iamyourcompetition.Wearemortalenemies.”
Shenarrowedhereyesathim.“Pistolsatdawn,Stark!”
Heslappedahandacrosshischest.“I’llalertmysecond.”
Theybrokeintomutuallaughterandtradedplacessotheycouldseewhattheotherhadpickedup.“Oooh,I’llhavetograb
someofthosesucculents.Theirpopularityrefusestowane,doesn’tit?Ilikethemforwindowboxes.”

“I’vegotaclientrequestingthemalonghiswalkway.Whitestone.”
“Low-maintenancespecial.Tableforone.”
Owenchuckledandfellsilent.Halliegavehimasmileonherwaybacktoherowncart,tryingnottonoticethewayhecatalogued
herfeatures,thepiercingblueofhiseyessofteningalongwithhisexpression.ShelikedOwen,alot.

SurelyabettermatchforHalliedidn’texistanywhereintheworld.Onpaper,atleast.Theywerebothgardeners.Theycould
talkfloraandfaunauntiltheywereblueintheface.Hewaskind,thesameage,good-looking
Therewasnothingnottolike.

ButshemightaswelladmitthatOwenStarkhadfallenvictimtotheJulianVosbarometer.Thatand…Owenwouldfitintoherlifeseamlessly.He’dmakeperfectsenseinawaythatwastooperfect.Arelationship
withOwenwouldbenatural.Expected.Thepersonwhocoinedtheterm“settlingdown”probablyhadthisexactkindofpartnershipinmind.Andsettlingdownmeant…thiswasit.

She’dbeagardenerfromSt.Helenaandwouldremainonefortherestofherlife.
Didshewantthat?Herheartsaidyes.Butcouldshetrustthatfeeling?
WhenHalliecametolivewithRebecca,shehadtakenadeepbreathforthefirsttimeever,hergrandmother’sroutinegrounding
her.Givingherafirmplacetosettleherfeet.Tostopspinninglikeatop.WithoutRebecca’sanchoringpresence,though,
shewaspickingupspeedagain.Whirling.Worryingshe’donlybelongedinSt.HelenabecauseofRebeccaandnow
Owenclearedhisthroat,alertingHallietothefactthatshe’ddrifted.
“Sorry,”shemuttered,attemptingtofocusonhim.Considerhim.
Maybenexttimeheaskedherout,shewouldsayyes.Andshewouldwearadressandperfume,hireadogsitter,andtakeit
seriouslythistime.Shecouldseeitwascoming,too.Owenpoppedatabletofgumintohismouth,chewedamoment,andexhaled
attheceiling.Oh,thiswasserious.Hewasgoingtogoforasteakhouse
Whyhadsheleftthedogsathome?Theywerealwaystheperfectexcusetobolt.
“Hallie,”Owenstarted,redinfusinghischeeks.“Sinceit’sFridayandall,Iwaswonderingifyouhadplansfor—”
Herphonerang.
Shesuckedinathankfulbreathandsnatcheditup,frowningdownatthescreen.Unknownnumber.Sowhat?She’deventake
atelemarketeroveragreeingtoasteakhousedateandhoursofpersonalconversationwithOwen.

“Hello?”Halliechirpedintothephone.
“Hallie.”
Herstomachdroppedtothegroundlikeasandbag.JulianVos?
Julianwascallingher?
“Yes.It’sme.”Didhervoicesoundunnatural?Shecouldn’tdecipherhertoneoverthesuddenbabbleofwhitenoiseinher
ears.“Howdidyougetmynumber?”

“Igoogled‘Becca’sBloomsinNapa’andthereitwas.”
“Ohright.”Shewetherdrylips,searchingdesperatelyforsomethingwittytosay.“Soimportanttohavethatinternetpresence.”
Nope.Thatwasn’twitty.
“Whoisthat?”Owenasked,notsoquietly.
“Whoisthat?”Julianasked,too,afterabeat.
Client,shemouthedtoOwen,whogaveheranunderstandingthumbs-up.ToJulian,shesaid,“I’matthenurserybuyingmaterials
foraprojectlatertoday.IranintomyfriendOwen.”

“Isee.”
Secondstickedby.
Shecheckedthephonetoseeifthey’dgottendisconnected.“Areyoustillthere?”
“Yes.Sorry.”Heclearedhisthroat,butthesoundwasmuffled,asifhe’dbrieflyplacedahandoverthereceiver.“I’mdistracted
bythegopherholesinmyyard.”

Herbloodpressurespikedattheutteranceofagardener’sleastfavoritewords.Exceptformaybe“weeds”or“crabgrass”or“doyoutakepersonalchecks.”“Gopherholes?”

Owenwincedwithsympathy,turningawaytoperuseaplasticshelfofminicactuses.
“Yes,atleastthree.”Shecouldhearfootsteps,asifhe’dwalkedtothewindowtolookoutoverthegreenexpanseoflawnandthesun-drenchedvineyardbeyond.“Oneofthemisrightinthemiddleoftheflowersyouplantedyesterday,whichmademethinkyou’ddealtwithsomethingofthisnaturebefore.Doyouhaveawayofconvincinggopherstomoveon?OrshouldIcallpestcontrol?”
“Noneedforthat,IhaveamixtureIcanuseto…”Thesealbustedonherlaughter.“Convincethem.”
Hemadeaconsideringsound.“You’retakingissuewithmywordchoice?”
“Notatall.I’mpicturingaformalnegotiation.Oncethecontractsaresigned,we’llshakehislittlepaw.He’llpackhis
tinysuitcaseandpromisetowrite—”

“You’reveryentertaining,Hallie.”Briefly,sheheardaticking,asifhe’dliftedhiswatchclosertohisface.“I’msorry,
Ionlyhavefiveminutesforthisphonecall.AreyouabletomakeitoverorshouldIjusttryandflushhimoutwiththe
hose?”

“God,no.Don’tdothat.”Shecutahandacrossherneck,eventhoughhecouldn’tseeher.“You’reonlysofteningthesoil
andmakingiteasierforhimtodig.”

Owenshotherahorrifiedglanceoverhisshoulder.Amateur,hemouthed.

“Ihaveajobthisafternoon,butIcanswingbyafterward,”shesaidtoJulian.
“Atwhattime?”
“WheneverIfinish.”
Julian’sbreathreleasedinherear.“That’sextremelyvague.”
Howcoulditbesopainfullyobviousthatsomeonewasallwrongforher,yethisdeepvoice,andtheveryfactthathe’dcalledheratall,wascausingamudslideinherstomach?Itmadelittletonosense.Herlingeringcrushmadeherfeellikeasilly,naiveteenager.Whileatthesametime,theanticipationofseeinghimagainmadeHalliealmostlight-headed.
Soshewouldletherselfgotothevineyardoncemore,evenattheriskofextendingthisinfatuationlongerthanitshould
haveevergone.Butshewasn’tgoingtojumpoverhurdlesforhim.Ohno.Atthispoint,herpridewasonthelinewiththis
non-rememberingfool.

“VagueisallI’vegot,I’mafraid.”Shestaredintotheeyeofanirisformoralsupport.“Takeitorleaveit.”
Hewasgoingtotellhertoshoveit.Sheconvincedherselfofthatdistinctpossibilityasthesilencestretched.TheVos
familyhadmoneycomingoutoftheirears.Theycouldfindsomeoneelsetoresolvetheirgopherissueatamoment’snotice.
Juliandidn’tnecessarilyneedher.

“I’llseeyoulater,Hallie,”hesighed.“Godknowswhen.”
“Why?”sheblurted.
“Excuseme?”
Whycouldn’tshejusthavesaidgood-byeandhungupthephonelikearegularperson?Owenwaslookingatherstrangely.As
ifmaybeherealizedthiswasn’tanormalclientcallandwasgrowingmorecuriousbythemoment.“Whydoyouwantmethere,specifically,forgophernegotiations?ItobviouslybothersyouthatIcan’tgiveaformaltime.”

“That’saverystraightforwardquestionforsomeonesocommittedtobeingvague.”
“I’mnot…committedto…”Wasshecommittedtobeingvague?“Pleasejustsatisfymycuriosity.”
“IsyourfriendOwenstillthere?”
Washe?Sheglancedup,passingatightsmiletoOwen,whowasdefinitelyattemptingtoeavesdrop.“Yes,heis.Why?”
“Justsatisfyingmycuriosity.”Shecouldalmosthearthetickingofhisjaw.Washe…annoyedatherbeingsomewhere
withanotherman?No.Noway.Thatdidn’ttrack—notevenintheslightest.“Verywell.Yes,Iwantyou,specifically,tocome
backandintervenewiththegopher.Whenyouleftyesterday,yousaid,‘Itwasreallynicetoseeyouagain,’andthefact
thatIcan’trememberhoworwherewemethasshotmyconcentrationtohell.”

“Oh.”Well.Shehadn’tbeenexpectingthat.Infact,she’dbeenundertheimpressionhewasrelievedtoseehergoandcouldn’t
carelessaboutgreetingsandsalutations.“I’msorry.Ididn’trealizeitwasgoingtobesuchabigdeal.”

“I’msureitwouldn’tbe.Tomostpeople.”
Halliethoughtofthemeticulouswayhestackedhislecturenotes.Howpreciselyherolleduphisshirtsleeves.Thewayhe
couldn’tstopwritinguntilthetimeranout.“Butyouneedthingsorganizedandtidy.Don’tyou?”

Heexpelledabreath.“That’sright.”
That’sallthiswas.Juliandidn’twanttoseeheragainbecauseofanattractionorbecauseheenjoyedhercompany.Hesimply
neededtheiracquaintancetiedupinaneatlittlebowsohecouldgobacktohismanictypingsprees.

Maybesheneededtheirrelationship,howevercasual,tiedup,too.
Thegopherwasn’ttheonlyonewhoneededmovingon.
“Allright.”Sheswallowedtheobjectinherthroat.“MaybeI’lltellyouhowweknoweachotherlater.”
“Vague.”
“Bye,Julian.”
Whenshehungupthephone,Owengaveheraquestioninglook.“Thatwasaweirdconversation,”hechuckled.
“Right?”Shepushedhercartpasthimslowly.“Gophersputeveryoneonedge.”
MetalrattledbehindHallie,signalingthatOwenhadturnedhiscartaroundsotheycouldwalkinthesamedirection.Normally
thatwouldn’tbotherher.Notatthenursery,anyway,wherecolorfulflowersshotupoutofthedirteverywhereshelooked,
actingasbrightlittlebuffers.ButbeforethecallfromJulian,Owenhadbeenonthevergeofaskingherout.Andshe’d
beenresignedtosayingyes.Now,though?Nowshehesitated.Onceagain,becauseofJulianVos.

Man,shereallyneededtogetProfessorForearmsoutofherhead,onceandforall.Shewasn’tbeingfairtoherself.Orto
Owen,forthatmatter.

“Owen.”Halliestoppedthecartabruptlyandturned,lookinghimrightintheeye.Whichseemedtostunhim.“Iknowyouwant
toaskmetodinner.Onanactualdate.AndIwanttosayyes.ButIneedalittletime.”Julian’sintensebourboneyesblinked
inhermind,butinsteadofstallingherspeech,theygavehertheimpetustopushforward.“That’saskingalot,considering
howmuchspaceyou’vegivenmealready.Ifyousayno,I’llunderstand.”

“I’mnotgoingtosayno.”Hescrubbedatthebackofhishead.“OfcourseI’mnot.Youtakeyourtime.”Abeatpassedas
hesobered.“I’mjustaskingyoutotakemeseriously.”

Hiswordshitherlikestones.“Iwill,”shesaid,meaningit.ChapterFour
Halliemayhavebeenvagueabouthertiming,butherarrivalresoundedlikeafireworksshow.Thegrowlofhertruckengine
cutout,followedbytheslamofherrusteddoor.Onedogstartedwoofingandhisbuddiesjoinedinsolidarity,announcing
theentranceoftheirqueen.

JuliansatatthedeskinhisofficeprintingoutanarticleaboutasundialthathadrecentlybeenunearthedinEgypt.He
plannedonreadingittonightbeforebedforresearchpurposes.Hishandpausedonthewaytotheprinter,andheslowlyleaned
sideways,lookingpasthiscomputermonitortotheyardbeyond.Andwhenherblondcorkscrews—tiedupinawhitescrunchie
thistime—cameintoview,hismouthwentbone-dry.Averydisconcertingreactiontosomeonewhoplayedfastandloosewith
arrivaltimeshadcausedhimstressallgoddamnday.Coupledwiththefactthathe’dlosthoursofsleeplastnighttrying
tofigureouthowtheykneweachother?Sufficeittosay,hisattractiontoherwasanirritant.

Onehehopedtoforgetaboutaftertonight.
Hejustneededthisonelittlelooseendknotted,andhe’dgetbacktosleepingandworkingandconcentratingasusual.
Accordingtohismother,asachild,he’dsufferedfromanxiety.Nervousepisodes,Corinnehadcalledthem,theoneandonlytimethey’dhadadiscussiononthetopic.Noonehadaclueifhisanxietywas
precipitatedbyacertaineventorifhe’djustbeenbornwithdreadinhisbones,butatagesixhe’dstartedseeingatherapist.

DoctorPatelgaveJulianthegiftofschedules.Tothisday,anorganizedlistoftimesandactivitieswasthetoolheused
tocontrolhisanxiety.Simplyput,itworked.

Rightupuntilthevineyardfirefouryearsago,anyway.Forthefirsttimesincechildhood,he’dlosthisgriponstructure,
becausetimemeantnothinginafire.Sincethatweekend,he’dkeptthescheduleseventighterthanbefore,refusingtohave
anotherslipup.Anotherleakthroughthecracks.Garth’smentalbreakwasawake-upcall,theimpetustotakeararestep
backandreassess.

Priortothefire,JulianhadreturnedtoSt.HelenaeveryAugustattheoutsetofgrapeharvestingseason,stayingatthe
vineyardforamonthandmakingsuretheannualprocessransmoothly,afterwhichhe’dreturntoStanfordinthefalltoteach.
Evenfromadistance,heconsultedonmatterspertainingtothewinery.Butnolonger.MaybeifJulianhadtakenabreather
atsomepoint,hecouldhaveavoidedwhathappenedafterthedamagewaswroughtbytheflames.Hisfathermighthavecontinued
totrusthimtohelprunthevineyard,insteadofdroppingitallonhismotherandhightailingittoItaly.

Aboneseemedtogrowsidewaysinhisthroat.
Focusontheproblemathand.
Thisyoungwomanwhomhe’dapparentlymetatsomepointinthepastwaspokingatthecarefulnethe’dconstructedaroundhimself.Heprobablyshouldn’thavecalledherbackhere.Ithadbeenarisk.He’dweighedthethreattohissanityagainsttherewardofknowledge—andfine,thedamnurgetoseeheragain—andsurprisingly,theriskcolumnhadlost.
Hewaspayingthepricenow.
Thehowlingdogsweredistractingenough,butnowherenearassidetrackingasher.Eventhoughearlyeveninghadarrived,
thesunwasstillgoingstrongintheNapasky.Orangerayssettledonherlikelovingspotlights,givinghercheeksayouthful
glow.Didsheeverstopsmiling?Herlipsalwaysseemedcurved,asifshewereholdingontoasecret—andshewas,heremindedhimself.That’s
primarilywhyhe’dcalledherover,insteadofjustmakingthehomemadegopher-repellingmixturehimself(really,theinformation
wasonequickinternetsearchaway).NottolustoverthesilhouetteofHallie’scurves.

“JesusChrist,pullittogether,”hegroaned,draggingahanddownhisfaceandpushingawayfromhisdesk.Hetuckedinhis
chairandstraightenedthewirelesskeyboardbeforeturningandstridingforthefrontofthehouse.Yes,he’dlostsleep
lastnightformorethanonereason.Tryingtounearthaforgottenmemorywashowitstarted.Butallthatthinkingabout
thebubblyblondeandhertightT-shirthadledtosomethingverydifferent.Twice.

Whenwasthelasttimehe’dmasturbatedtwiceinonenight?Hadtobeinhighschool.Andevenbackthen,hecouldn’trememberbeingso…vigorousaboutit.Whilelying
facedownonhisstomach,noless.He’dbeenforcedtothrowthesheetsintothewashingmachineinthemiddleofthenight
andmovetooneoftheotherbedrooms.Ahumiliatingturnofeventsifhe’deverheardone.Really,callingherbackhere
wasincrediblystupid.

Whatifthisvisitdidn’tgivehimclosure?Wouldhetrytoseeheragain?

BackinPaloAlto,hepurposefullydatedwomenwhodidn’toccupytoomuchheadspace.Womenwhokepttightschedulesanddidn’thaveaproblemcoordinatingthemforthingslikedinner
orsexoraworkfunction.Halliewouldn’tevenballparkherETA.Iftheyspentsignificanttimetogether,they’dbefitting
himforastraitjacketwithinaweek.Soyes,gettheclosureandgobacktowork.Theplanwasfirm.

Alotlikehe’dbeenlastnight.
Disgustedwithhimself,Julianpriedopenthefrontdoor,closeditbehindhim,anddescendedthestepsontothedriveway.
Thenhehookedarighttotheyard,whereHalliesatcross-leggedinfrontofthefreshestgopherhole,shakingupsomething
inalargeplasticbottle.“Hellothere,Professor,”shecalled,hervoiceechoingslightlythroughthevineyard.

Thedogsranovertogreethim,yippingandsnarfingattheair.Hepattedtheirheads,onebyone,watchinghelplesslyas
theyslobberedalloverhispantleg.“Hello,Hallie.”OneofthedogsnudgedJulian’shanduntilhescratchedhimproperly.
“Whataretheirnames?”

“TheyellowlabisPetey.MygrandmotherwasabigfanoftheoriginalLittleRascals.”Shepointedattheschnauzer.“That’stheGeneral.NotGeneral.TheGeneral,becausehebosseseveryonearound.AndtheboxerisTodd.Ican’texplainit—hejustlookslikeaTodd.”

Julianleanedbacktostudytheboxer.“That’seerilyaccurate.”
Shebreathedalaugh,asifrelievedtobeinagreement.Helikedit,aswell.Toomuch.
Sticktobusiness.
Henoddedattheplasticbottle.“What’sintheformula?”Asifhedidn’talreadyknow.
“Peppermintandcastoroil.Theyhatethesmell.”
Sheshiftedontoherkneesanddugsomecottonballsoutofthepocketofherjeanshorts.Theywerelightertoday.Morefaded.
Meaningthematerialclunglikeunderpantstoherbackside,whilethesunstrokedtheworndeniminburnishedgold.Hertop
wasn’tquiteastighttoday—fortunatelyorunfortunately—butfingerstreaksofdirtweredirectlyoverherbreasts,asif
she’dwipedherhandsoffonthem,palmschafingrightoverhernipples.Upanddown.Feelingherselfupinthefrontyard
ofsomesuburbanhamlet,kneestwistinginthedirt.

Thisisgettingembarrassing.
WhilewatchingHalliesoakthecottonballs,hetampeddownhisattractionasmuchaspossible,attemptingtofocusonmore
practicalmatters.Likegettinghimselfuntangledwiththisperson.“Tellmehowweknoweachother,Hallie.”

She’dstartednoddinghalfwaythroughhisdemand,obviouslyexpectingit—whichhedidn’tlove.Beingpredictabletohermade
himitchy.“Ineversaidwekneweachother.Ijustsaiditwasnicetoseeyouagain.”

Yes.Thatwascorrect.Theydidn’tknoweachotheratall.Andtheywouldn’t.
Whydidthatonlyintensifytheitch?
“Wherehaveweseeneachother,then?”
Ablushrodeupthesideofherface.Foramoment,hethoughtthesunsetwasresponsible,butno.Thegardenerwasblushing.
Andinvoluntarily,heheldhisbreath.

“Okay,doyouremember—”shestarted.
Hellbrokeloosebeforeshecouldfinish.
AssoonasHalliedroppedthosefragrantcottonballsintothegopherhole,thesuckerpeekedhisheadouttheotherend.Justlikethat.Areal-lifegameofwhack-a-mole,onlywithagopher.Andthedogslosttheirever-lovingminds.IfJulianthoughttheywereloudbefore,theirexcitedbarkingwasnothingcomparedtothescreechesandyelpsofalarmastheydashedtowardtheemerginggopher—who,wisely,tookoffrunningforhisverylife.
“Boys!No!”Halliejumpedtoherfeetandsprintedafterallthreedogs.“Comebackhere!Now!”
Julianwatcheditallhappeninasemi-trance,wonderinghowhisplantohaveabowlofsoupandreadtheSmithsonianarticle
he’dprintedouthadbeensospectacularlyderailed.He’danticipatedhavingaclearheadfortherestofhisstayinNapa,
thisblipfromthepasthavingbeenresolved.But,instead,hewasnowrunningtowardthisloudexplosionofmayhem,worried
Halliemightgetinbetweendogandgopherandaccidentallygetbittenforhertrouble.

Wow.
Hereallydidn’tliketheideaofherbeingbitten.
Orslipping.Inthemud.Riskinganinjury.
Becausethat’swhatwashappening.Inslowmotion,sheturnedintoapinwheeloflimbsandcorkscrews,andthenherbuttlanded
soundlyinthebankofdirtthatskirtedthefrontlawn.

“Hallie,”Julianbarked—great,nowhewasbarking,too—andscoopedherupfrombehindbythearmpits.“Christ,youcan’tjusttake
offhalf-cockedlikethat.Whatwereyougoingtodoifyoucaughtthem?”

Ittookhimafewsecondstorealizeherentirebodywasshakingwithlaughter.“OfcoursethisiswhenIchoosetohavethe
mostembarrassingfallofmylife.Ofcourseitis.”

Frowningatthatoddstatement,heturnedheraround.
Big.Mistake.
Thesunonherfacemadeeverythingsurroundingthem—theendlesssky,theramblingvineyard,andthestreaksofclouds,allofit—seeminadequate.Somethingtuggedinsideofhimlikeathread.Theshapeofhermouth…theirheightdifference.Wasthereevensomethingfamiliaraboutherearthyscent?
AheavyobjectrammedintoJulian’sleg,followedbyasecondone.ToddinsertedhimselfbetweenJulianandHallie,barking
inquicksuccession.AcrunchingsoundcamefrombehindHallie—andtherewentthegopheragain,followedbyPeteyandthe
General.

“Boys!”Hallieshouted,runningafterthem.
Theychasedthedamngopherrightbackintothehole.
Halliegroanedandthrewherhandsupintheair.“He’llprobablyleavesometimeduringthenightwhenmybeastshavegone.
Nowayhe’llbeabletostandthesmellforlong.”

Hecouldstillfeelthesmoothskinofherarmsinhispalms,soittookhimamomenttorecoverenoughtorespond.“I’msure
you’reright…”hestarted,curlinghisfingersinwardtocapturethesensationbeforeitfled.

Butshedidn’thearhim,becauseshewasbusywranglingherthreefranticdogs.Inshortscakedwithmud.Oneofherfeet
wasslippingdangerouslytowardthegopherhole.Ifananklesprainwasn’timminent,thensomethingelseanarchicwouldprobably
takeitsplace.Hiswholeeveningwouldbeoffnow.She’ddonethistohimforasecondtime,andheneededtotakeitas
asigntokeepaway.Strictschedulesstoppedthefloorfromrisingupandswallowinghimwhole.

Hewouldn’tsurvivetheshameofthatdownwardspiralagain.Thenightofthefire,he’dheldontohismettlelongenough
todowhatwasnecessary,butwhatfollowedhadbeenenoughtodrivehisfamilytofourdifferentcornersoftheearth,hadn’t
it?

Julianrequiredorder.Halliewasdisorderintheflesh.Sheseemedtoshuntheverymethodheusedtocopewithanxiety.Yes,shewasbeautifulandlively.Clever.
Fascinating.

Also?Socompletelywrongforhimthatasitcomwritercouldn’tmakeitup.
Whywashesointerestedinherthoughtsandactions,then?
OrifthisOwencharacterwasreallyjustafriendoraboyfriendofsomedescription.
Itmadelittlefuckingsense.
Aveinthrobbedbehindhiseye.Helongedforpencilandblankpaper,somethingsimplethathecouldfocuson,becausebeing
nearHalliewaslikestaringthroughakaleidoscopewhilesomeonetwisteditreallyfast.

“Julian,iseverythingokay?”
Heopenedhiseyes.Whenhadheclosedthem?“Yes.”Henoticedtheawkwardwayshestood,asifthemudonhershortswas
beginningtoharden.“Comeon.”Hemovedpasthertowardthehouse.“We’llgetyousomethingcleantowear.”

“Oh,no,it’sfine,”shecalledtohisretreatingback.“Imoreorlessgohomeinthisconditioneveryday.Iusuallystrip
inthebackyardandhosemyselfdown.”Then,toherself,“Don’tovershareoranything,Hallie.”

Don’tthinkaboutrivuletsofwatercoastingdownherripebody.
Don’tdoit.
Settinghisjaw,JulianheldthedoorforHallie,whoambledpastawkwardly,attemptingtoholdthedenimawayfromherthighs.
Whenthedogstriedtofollowherintotheguesthousewithpawsthatlookedchocolate-dippedinmud,Julianpointedastern
fingerattheGeneral.“Sit.”

Theschnauzer’sbutthittheground,tailwagginginablur.Theboxerandthelabfollowedtheirbuddy’slead,ploppingdownatthebaseofthestairsandwaiting.
“Howdidyoudothat?”Halliewhisperedbehindhim.
“Dogscraveleadership,justlikehumans.It’sintheirDNAtoobey.”
“No.”Shewrinkledhernoseathim.“Theywanttoeatsnailsandhowlatfiretrucks.”
“Theycanbetrainednottodothosethings,Hallie.”

“Butyou’reforcingthemtodenytheirnaturalurges.”
“No,I’mpreventingmudfrombeingtrackedintothehouse.”
Theylookeddownsimultaneouslytofindshe’dleftfourfootprintsjustinsidethedoor.Withatingeofpinkinhercheeks,
shetoedoffherrubbershoesandnudgedthemascloseaspossibletothedoor,leavingherbarefootonhiscleanhardwood
floor.Shehadsky-bluenailpolishonhertoes,daisiespaintedontothebiggestnails.“Ifyoutellmetosit,JulianVos,
Iwillkickyouintheshin.”

Astrangelightnessroseupwardinhissternum,stoppingjustbeneathhisthroat.Atwitchofhislipscaughthimoffguard.
Didhe…wanttolaugh?Sheseemedtothinkso,didn’tshe?Thewayshewatchedhismouth,asparkleappearinginher
eyesathisrareshowofhumor.Suddenlyhewasalotmoreawareoftheirlocation—inchesapartinahouseglowingwithlate-afternoon
sun—andagainheencounteredatugofrecognitionbutcouldn’tfindthesource.

Godhelphim,hewastoodistracted,unabletolookatherwithouthisattentionstrayingtohermouth,wonderingifshekissed
aswildlyandwithoutrhythmasshedideverythingelse.

Probably.
No.Definitely.Andhewouldhatetheunpredictabilityofit.Ofher.
Right.
“I’llgetyouthatshirt,”hesaid,turningonaheel.Thoughhedidn’tseehermovefartherintothehouse,hesensedthat
shewouldmeethiminthekitchen,theheartandfocalpointofahome,notthatheuseditformuchbesidespreparingturkey
onwholewheat,soup,andcoffee.Insidethebedroom,hehesitatedforamomentatthedresser,observinghimselfinthemirror.
Hairindisarrayfromhisfingers,tightnesssurroundinghiseyesandmouth.Hetookalongbreathandlookeddownathis
watch.

6:18p.m.
Thebackofhisneckclenched,sohefilledhislungsonemoretimeandmappedoutanewschedule.Atsixthirty,hewould
eatandreadhissundialarticle.Atseven,Jeopardy!Seventhirty,shower.Thenhewouldmakesomenotesabouttomorrow’swritingplan,havethemreadytogoonhisdeskinthe
morning.Ifhekepttothisschedule,he’dlethimselfhaveaglassofwhiskey.

Feelingmoreincontrol,Juliantookafoldedgrayshirtoutofthetopdrawer.OnewiththeStanfordlogosilk-screenedonto
thepocket.Aspredicted,thankGod,hefoundHallieinthekitchen.Butshedidn’tliftherheadwhenhewalkedinbecause
shewasfrowningdownatsomethingonthegraniteislandinthecenteroftheroom.Whatdidshefindsooffensiveabouthis
stackofmail?He’dhadhiscorrespondenceforwardedtothevineyardforthesummer,butthepostalservicewasslowtobegin
theswitch,meaninghewasmostlyreceivingjunkatthispoint.

Shepinchedonesuchadvertisementbetweenherfingerandthumb,turningitover,lettingoutadistressedsoundatwhateverwasontheback.“WildWineWednesday…”shemuttered.“‘Letusblindfoldyourpartyandplyyouwithwine.Guessthevintagecorrectlyandwinatriptothecheesewall.’Ihatehowfunthatsounds.”

“Begpardon?”
“UNCORKED.”Sheblinkedrapidly,asiftokeepmoisturefromforminginhereyes,andJulianexperiencedanuncomfortable
pinchinhischest.“Thenewestwinebarsensationintown.”

HesettheStanfordshirtinfrontofher,anofferinghehopedwouldpreventwhateverwashappeningtoheremotionally.“You
don’tlikethisnewplace,”heguessed.

Andthenhediedalittle,becausesheusedtheStanfordshirttodabathereyes.
Whentherewereperfectlygoodnapkinswithinreach.
“Well.I’veneverbeeninside.Idon’tknowtheownerspersonallyoranything.Theymightbelovelypeoplewhodon’trealizetheyarerobbingasweetoldladyofherlivelihood.”

“Explainwhatyoumean.”
“Corkedisrightnextdoor.AquietlittlewinebarownedbyLorna.Ithasbeentheresincethelatefifties.Mygrandmother
andIusedtospendhourssittingatthewhitewrought-irontableoutside.Itwasourspot.Lornawouldgivemeawineglass
fullofgrapejuice,andmygrandmotherandIwouldsolvecrosswordpuzzlecluesorwe’dplangardenstogether.”Shelooked
downatherfingersforafewseconds.“Anyway,thewholeshopisemptynowbecauseUNCORKEDmovedinbesideit.Theyhave
atwenty-four-hourdiscoballoutsideandendlessstuntstoattracttourists.TheworstpartistheyspecificallynamedtheirshopasaplayonLorna’sbarandmadeamockeryofit.Nooneseemstomind,though.Lornahasquiet,intimatetastingswithoutthefanfare.HowisshesupposedtocompetewithAdultSpintheBottle?”
Hereyestookonasheenthatworriedhim,sohereachedforanapkinandhandedittoher,sighingwhensheusedtheshirt
again,instead.“You’reveryupsetaboutthis.AreyouclosewithLornaorsomething?”

“Shewasclosertomygrandmother,butyes,we’refriends.Andwe’vegottenalotmorefriendlysinceIstartedattending
dailywinetastingstooffsettheUNCORKEDeffect.”

Thecornerofhismouthtugged.“Daydrinkingisalwaysthesolution.”
“Saidnooneever.EveninNapa.”Forabeat,sheappearedalmostthoughtful.“Ithasdefinitelymadememorepronetocommitting
pettycrimes.”

Hewaitedforhertosayshewasjoking.Shedidn’t.
Withabiginhale,shelettheshirtunfurldownontoherlap.“I’mjustgoingtochangeintothisoutsidebeforeIhopinto
thetruck,soIdon’tgetmudanywhere.”Withonelastglanceatthewineshopadvertisement,shebackedoutofhiskitchen.
“Anymoremud,Ishouldsay.”

HisplanhadbeentogetHallieoutthedoorquickly,sohecouldstartcheckingthingsoffhisto-dolistforthenight,
butwhenshestartedtoedgeoutofhiskitchen,ananxiousrippleinhisstomachsurprisedhimintosaying,“Doyouwant
adrink?”Totallynormaltooffer.Hewasjustbeingagracioushost.“Ihavewine,obviously.Orwhiskey.”

Hemightevenneedtwowhiskeyshimselftonight.
Couldhedropthestrictlimitsheplacedonhimselfenoughtoallowthatindulgence?
Theofferofadrinkhadvisiblysurprisedher,too.“Oh.Idon’tknow.”Sheconsideredhimamoment.Alongmoment.Asifshewastryingtomakesomeimportantdecision.Abouthim?Whatwasit?“Ibetternot,”shesaidsoftly.“I’mdriving.”
“Right,”hesaid,findinghisthroatwasgoingdry.“Responsibleofyou.”
Shehummed,noddingatthemostlyfullbottleofWoodfordReservewhiskeysittingbythestove.“Youshouldhaveone,though.
Agopherinresidencemightevenearnyoutwo.”Shehesitatedonthethresholdofhiskitchen,thiswild-hairedgardenerwith
muddyshortsandavendettaagainstawineshop.“Whatwouldyouhavetodotoearntwo?”

Hisheadcameupquickly.
Becausehe’dbeenwonderingthatexactsamething.
Howdidshe…
Andthenheremembered.Yesterday.Whenshe’dwalkedintohisofficeandreadoverhisshoulderandaskedafterward,Isittrue?Thatyouwon’tletyourselfhaveadrinkattheendofthedayunlessyouwriteforthefullthirtyminutes?He’dneveransweredherquestion,butshe’dheldontoit.Wasshethatcuriousabouthishabits?

Julianhadnevertoldanyoneabouthisgoal-settingsystem.Itwouldprobablysoundcompletelyidioticoutloud.Buthegot
thesense…well,hecouldn’thelpbutfeelasifshewereleavingforgood,nevertoreturn,sowhatharmwoulditdo
torevealthispartofhimself?She’dslippedontoherbuttandcriedinfrontofhiminthespaceoftwentyminutes.Maybe
apartofhimhopedadmittingtohispeculiarbehaviorwouldmakethemeven.Makeher…feelbetter.

Whichwastroublinglyimportanttohim.
“Ionlyhavetwodrinksattheendofasemester.Therestoftheyear,IallowmyselfthewhiskeyifI’vecheckedtheday’sboxes.”He’dbeenright.Itdidsoundidioticoutloud,butitwashowheremainedgluedtogether.Timehadalwaysbeenthestitchesrunningthroughthefabricofhislife,andhehadnothingbutgratitudeforthestructureitaffordedhim.“Forinstance,ifIarrivedeverywhereontime.Toclass,tomeetings.IfIcompletedmyworkloadandplannedforthefollowingday.Clearedmyinbox.Showered.ThenIhavethedrink.”
Shestaredathim.Notjudgmentally.Justtakingitallin.
“I’veadjustedmyroutineforthesummer…”headdedunnecessarily,justtofillthesilence.“IguessyoucouldsayI’m
invacationmode.”

Anabruptgigglesnuckoutofhermouth.
Andsatisfactionplungedfromhisneckdowndeepintohisbelly.
He’dmadeherlaugh.Yes,butnowshejustlookedalittle…sad?
“Julian,Idon’tthinktherearetwomoredifferentpeopleinthiswholeworld.”Again,shedidn’tsaythosewordsasajudgment.
Moreofamusing.Oranobservation.“Doyou?”

“No,”hefeltforcedtoadmit.“Idon’t.”
Oddly,thatdidn’tmeanhewantedhertoleave.
HisgazetickedbetweenHallieandtheUNCORKEDadvertisement.“TheyreallynamedtheirstoreUNCORKEDandmovedinright
besideashopcalledCorked?”

Shethrewupherhands,asifrelievedtofinallyhavesomeone’sattentionregardingthematter.“Yes.”

“I’msurprisedthelocalbusinessassociationallowedthat.”
“I’veemailedthemonsevenseparateoccasions.Mylastonewasinallcaps!”
Hehummed,nottotallysurprisedtofindhisfingerstwitching.
“Whatareyouthinkingabout?”sheaskedslowly,turningslightlytoglanceoverhershoulder.“Youlooklikeyou’retryingtovisualizeanewbacksplash.”
Healmostsaidnothingandwalkedhertothedoor.Buthe’dalreadyoutlinedthemindgamesheplayedwithhimself.Whatwas
thesenseinholdingbacknow?Afterall,heweirdly,confusingly,wasn’tquitereadytoletherleave.“Idon’tlikewhen
thingsareoutoforderlikethis.Ashopmovinginandpresentingadirectthreattothebusinessnextdoorshouldnothave
beenallowedtohappen.”

“Iagree.”
Heespeciallydidn’tlikethewholesituationmakingHalliecry,buthe’dleavethatpartout.“Whenthingsareunfairordisordered,I
tendto…”

“What?”
“Ihavesomethingofacompetitivestreak.Asmallone.Forinstance,lastyearaJeopardy!contestantgavetheiranswerafterthebuzzerandwasgivencredit.Itdidn’tseemlikeabigdealatthetime,buthewent
ontowinFinalJeopardywithamarginofonehundreddollars.Yousee,asmallbreachinfairnesscancauseasnowballeffect.”
Hepausedtogaugeherreaction,decidingshelookedmorecuriousthanjudgmental.“Alotofuscontactedtheshowandsuggested…
ratherstronglythattheothercontestantbeallowedtocompeteagain.Theyrelented.”

“Ohmygosh.”Sherockedbackonherheels.“You’reaJeopardy!groupie.Ialwayswondered,whoarethesepeople?Whofeelssopassionateaboutholdingthisgameshowaccountable?It’s
you.”

Hescoffed.“Therearethousandsofus.”Secondstickedby.“Hundreds,atleast.”
Sheveryvisiblybitdownonasmile.“WhatdoesthishavetodowithUNCORKED?”
Theoffertohelpsatrightonhistongue,buthecouldn’tdothat.Helpingwouldmeanspendingmoretimewithher,andhe’d
alreadydecidedthatwasnotagoodidea,despitethefactthathecouldn’tseemtostopprolongingtheiracquaintance.Hadn’t
shebeenonherwayoutthedoorafewminutesago?He’dbeentheonetostopher.“YoumightnotbeabletostopUNCORKED
fromoperating,butyoucanhelptheunderdogcompete.”

“You’resayingthatjammingbarkintotheirdiscoballisn’tasolution?”
“What?”
Shepressedherlipstogether,eyestwinkling.“Prankcallsareout,too?”
“Hallie,myGod.Haveyoubeenprankcallingthisnewwinestore?”
“Yes,”shewhispered.“YouarethetypetositdownwithLornaandfindwaystosavemoney.Orrevampherbrand.Myapproach
islesslogical,morereactionary.LikeIsaid,wearethetwomostoppositepeopleintheworld.”

“Youdon’tthinkIcouldprankcallsomeone?”
Whatintheactualhellwascomingoutofhismouthnow?Hiscompetitivestreakwashumming,sure.ButHallieobviouslythought
hewasstodgyandboring,andforsomereason,hecouldn’tletherleavewiththatimpressionofhim.Evenifitwastrue.

He’dneverplacedaprankcallinhislife.
“No,Idon’tthinkyoucould,”sheresponded,studyinghernails.“JulianVos,St.Helenawineroyalty,prankcallingalocal
vendor?Unheardof.”

Thatdidit.Nowhehadnochoice.“Verywell.”Heunearthedhisphonefromhisbackpocket,smirkingwhensheslidtheadvertisementacrosstheislandinhisdirection,proppingherchinonabentwristandpursingherlips,clearlyskepticalthathewouldgothroughwithit.Andreally.Whywasheengaginginthisbehavior?Toimpressthiswomanhehadnobusinessspendingtimewith?Orwasitactuallyjusttomake
herfeelbetteraftershe’dcried?

Becauseevenminuteslater,theknotunderneathhiscollarremainedveryopposedtohercrying.Shewastoo…jubilant.
Toobrightforthat.

Thiswomanshouldbehappyatalltimes.Hewasintelligentenoughtoknowthatonepersoncouldnotberesponsibleforanother’s
happiness.Notcompletely.ButhefoundhimselfwonderingwhatitmightbeliketofillthatroleforHallie.Inanotherlife,
obviously.

Afull-timegiverofHallieSmiles.
Suddenlyhevaluedhisteachingtenurealotless.
Stopbeingridiculous.
“Putitonspeaker,”shesaid,herdoubtfulnessbeginningtoloseground.
Doingassheasked,heraisedaneyebrowatheranddialedthenumber.
Hermouthfellopen.
Ayoungmanansweredafterthefifthring.“Hello,thisisUNCORKED.”Musicblaredinthebackground.“We’llgetyoudrunk
andtellyouyou’repretty.”

JulianandHallietradedawitheringlook.Itstruckhimthatthisonelittleactofrebellionhadturnedthemintoteammates
ofsorts.Temporarily,ofcourse.“Yes,hello,”hesaidbriskly.“Thisisthehealthdepartment.I’mafraidIhavesomevery
badnews.”

Apausedraggeditselfout.“Thehealthdepartment?Why…”Sputtering.“Badnews?”
“Yes,we’regoingtohavetoshutyoudown.”
ItappearedHallie’slegswerenolongerworking.Handsslappedoverhermouth,andtheupperhalfofherbodyfellacross
theislandforsupport.“OhmyGod,”shewheezed.

“Whatarewebeingshutdownfor?”whinedthegentleman.
“It’sthediscoball.”Hallie’ssidesstartedtoshakewithlaughter,makingitnearlyimpossibletokeepastraightface.
Orhiscold,deadheartfromdoingthecancan.“Accordingtosectionfifty-threedashMofthehealthcodemanual,you’re
indirectviolationofthepublic’srighttoavoidbaddancing.”

Asharpcurse.“Anotherprankcall?Areyouworkingwiththatwoman—”
“Yes.”Julianhungup,neatlysettingdownhisphone.“Andthat’showit’sdone.”
Stillunabletosubdueherlaughter,Hallielaidahandacrossherchest.“Thatwas…like…theCadillacofprank
calls.”Pushingofftheisland,shelookedathimasifthroughfresheyes,beforeshakingherselfslightly.“Thankyou.With
theexceptionofthefriendsI’vedraggedintothisrivalry,I’vefeltprettyaloneinmyoutrage.”

He’dmadeherfeellessalone.OntopofprovokingoneofherHallieSmiles
ItfeelslikeChristmasmorning.Peoplewerealwayssayingthat,buthecouldneverrelate,becauseopeningpresentswiththeVosfamilyhadbeenaquiet
andhurriedaffair.

Hecouldunderstandthatphrasebetternow.
“It’snoproblem,”hesaidsuccinctly.
Theynoddedateachotherforanextendedmoment.“Well,youhavemywordthatIwillneveragainmakefunoftheJeopardy!messageboardwarriors.”

Hislipsjumped.“ThenIsupposemyworkhereisdone.”
Assoonashesaidthewords,hesortofwantedtotakethemback.Becausesheappearedtointerprettheminawayhehadn’t
intended.Asin,timetogo
Withanod,shesaid,“Bye,Julian.”Shepassedhimonthewayoutofthekitchen,leavingsoilandsunlightlingeringin
theair.“Havethosedrinks.Youdefinitelyearnedthem.”

Allhecoulddowasinclinehisheadstiffly,turn,andfollowhertothefrontdoor.
Hewatchedthroughthescreenasshereunitedwiththehowlingandyippingdogs,whocelebratedherexistencealltheway
tohertruck.Hetradedalonglookwithherthroughthewindshieldwhensheclimbedintothedriver’ssideandslowlyrealized
she’dnevertoldhimhowtheykneweachother.Orwherethey’dmet.

ThetickofJulian’swatchreachedhisears,distractinghim,andhischestgrewtightenoughtomakehisvisionnarrow.How
awryhadhisschedulegonesincesheshowedup?Hehadnoclue.Inanattempttocenterhimself,hepressedhiseartothe
tickingwatchonhiswristandforcedhimselftoconcentrateonminutes.Thenextfewhoursinfrontofhim.Hecouldn’tchange
theonesbehindhim.

Andhedidn’twantto,either.Wouldn’ttakebackasecondhe’dspentwithHallie.Unfortunately,startingnow,hewasn’t
sureitwouldbewisetospendanymore.

Butmaybe,inthenameofclosure,he’dtakeonemorelookattheBecca’sBloomswebsitebeforebed…ChapterFive
HalliestaredacrossthetableatLaviniawithoutreallyseeingher.
Aroundthem,conversationsswelledinthediningroomofOthello,herfavoriteSt.Helenabistro.They’dalreadydoneserious
damagetothebreadbasketandwereawaitingafamily-styleplateofspicybuttergarlicshrimpwithlinguine.Naturally,they’d
gonewithawhitewinepairing,and,Lord,itwasneveragoodsignwhentheyorderedasecondbottlebeforethemaincourse
madeanappearance.Theymayhavecutbackondaydrinking,buttheyobviouslyhadnoqualmswithdoingsoatnight.

ForthelifeofHallie,however,shecouldn’tstopliftingtheglasstohermouth.She’dcraftedanewstateofbeing.Bewildered
drunkenness.Inturn,Lavinia’scurrentstateofbeingwasmorelikeirritatedanticipationwithasideofsloshiness,but
she’dimbibedfarlessthanHallie.So,clearly,therewasafirsttimeforeverything.SuchasdrinkingaBrit(who’donce
beenaGorillazroadie)underthetable.

Orgettingaglimpseatthereal,adultversionofherteenagecrush…andlikingthatpeekwaytoomuch.
Hallieforcedherselfoutofatranceandlookedaround.Onceuponatime,beingaregularatarestauranthadbeenanewexperience.She’denjoyedtheprocessofbecomingone.LovedwalkingintothecandlelitItalianbistroandhavingeveryoneknowhername.Laviniaalwayssatwithherbackfacingthekitchen;Hallietookthewall.Buthergrandmotherhadbeenaroundtomakenormalcyseem…well,normal.NowtherepetitionofcomingheremadeHalliefeeljumpyintheabsenceofhergrandmother’sanchoringpresence.
Withalong,steadyingbreath,Halliefellbackinherchair,takingtheglassofwinewithher.Shedownedhalfandpushed
asideherone-thirdlifecrisisfornow.Ithadbeentwenty-fourhourssinceshelastsawJulian,andshestillhadn’trecounted
theimpromptuhangtoherbestfriend,despiteaseriousamountofpesteringandprodding.

“Comeclean,HallieWelch,goddamnyou.”Lavinialeanedinoverthecandlelight.Closeenoughtofeeltheheatonherchin,
yip,andflinchaway.Maybethey’dbothhadtoomuchwine.Wasthistheirsecondbottleorthird?“I’llstartsmashingdishes.
Don’tthinkIwon’t.”

“Okay,okay,okay.”Halliesettheglassdownonthetable,holdingupafingerwhenthewaitersetthemassivesteamingbowl
ofpastabetweenthem.Bothwomensighedasthesavoryaromahitthemlikeculinarycrack.“Pastapresentationnevergets
old.”

Laviniathrewanexaggeratedchef’skissattheswingingkitchendoor.“Ourdeepandundyingadmirationtothechef.”
“I’lllethimknow,”theamusedwaitersaid,skatingaway.
“Oy,don’tforgetthatsecondbottle.Orthird?”Laviniacalledafterhim.Loudly.
“Theyloveushere.”
HallieusedtheprovidedsilvertongstosettleaheapingportionofpastaontoLavinia’splate,laughingwhensherolledherfingerformore.
“Goon,then.Didn’thaveasingledonutalldaysoI’dhaveextraroomforthis.”
“Yougotit.”Hallieforkedupsomemore,sighingasawaftoffragrantsteamhitherintheface.“Okay,beforethispasta
comacollideswithmywinecoma,I’llspill.”Shetookacenteringbreath,asifpreparingtoimpartverysensitiveinformation.
ItwasobviousLaviniawasexpectingjuicynews.Andthatleftherwideopentobemessedwith.“MeandJuliandidsomething
pretty…intimate.”

“Youshaggedhim.”SheputherarmsupintheshapeofaV,whoopingattheceilingmid-chew.“Jeromeowesmetwentybucks.
Iknewyouhaditinyou,Hallie.”

Hallie’smouthopenedandclosedonasputter.Wasshetheonebeingmessedwithnow?“Youplacedbetswithyourhusband?OnwhetherornotIwould…would…”

“AndIwon.”AneyebrowwagglefromLavinia.“YouandIbothdid,fromthesoundsofit.”
“Youdidn’tletmefinish.”Indignationwarredwithamusement,leadingtoHalliegivingLaviniaaverypointedlookthatdidn’t
quitestick.“Weengagedintheintimateactofprankcalling.”

Lavinia’sfacelostanytraceofmirth.Shepretendedtosignalthewaiter.“Excuseme.Gar?on?I’dliketoorderanewbest
friend.”Hereyelidspunchedshut.“Prankcalling?Really?”

“Yes.”Halliefannedherself.“BestI’veeverhad.”
“Therewasn’tevenagrazedtit?Oranitty-bittypeck?”
Halliedugintoherpastawithmoregustothannecessary,thankstoheroverwroughtandunderservicedhormones.“Nope.”
“Butdidyouwantalittlebitofactionfromhim?”

Nouseinpretending.“SinceIwasfourteen.”
“Thenwhydidn’tyoumakeamove,babe?Iraisedyoubetterthanthis!”
Itwasatotallyvalidquestion.Womenhadtomakemovesonmenthesedays,oreveryoneonplanetearthwouldbesingle.HerattractiontoJulianVoshadalwaysbeen
offthecharts,andyesterday…well,she’dsensedinterest.Right?Thewayhesortofregulatedhisbreathinginher
presencewasn’tafigmentofherimagination.Morethanonceshe’ddefinitelynoticedhisattentiondiptolowerpartsof
heranatomy.Mainly,hermouth.Likemaybehewasthinkingofkissingher.Butnothing.Andshehadaninklingastowhy.

“Weareextremelydifferentpeople.IthinkImightevenunnervehimalittle?”
“Hallie.”Laviniapushedasideherplateandleanedforward.“Ahistoryprofessordoesn’tsoundlikeamanwhooperatescarelessly
orwithoutalotofthought.”

“Meaning?”
“Meaningtheattractioncan’tbeone-sidedorhewouldn’thavecreatedanexcuseforyoutoreturntothehouse.”
Shegesturedwithherfork.“Therewasagopher—”
Laviniainterruptedherwithagroan.“Mendon’taskforassistancewithoutbeingunderextremeduress.Unlesstheyaresettingasidethatprideinthenameofawoman.”

Hallieconsideredthat.ShethoughtofthewayJulianhadcalledhertohandlethegopherissuewhenheabsolutelycouldhave
createdthemixturehimself.Thewayhewatchedherwithanalmostreluctantfascination.Howhe’dfollowedherfromthehouse
anddownthestairs,likehewasbarelyawarehisfeetweremoving.Italladdeduptoattraction,didn’tit?

Maybesheshouldhavemadeamove?

LaviniaregardedHallie,drumminghernailsonthetablecloth.“You’restillcarryingthattorch.Eitherextinguishitor
fantheflame.”

“Fanit?Towhatend?”
“Toyourend,ifyou’refeelingadventurous.”

“Someoneneedstocutyouoff.”Hallierealizedshewassquintinginordertokeeptheimageofherfriendfromdoubling.
Probablybecauseshe’dbeenpunctuatingtheendofeverysentencewithagulpofwine.“Imaginemedatingahistoryprofessor.Ridiculous.”

Laviniapushedoutherbottomlip.“You’vestillgotamadcrush,don’tyou,babe?”
“Yes.”Rememberingthoseintenselycuriousbourboneyesandhowtheysparkedwithrarehumorduringtheprankcall,Hallie’s
chestsqueezed.“It’sahardfascinationtoexplain,but…ugh,Lavinia,Iwishyoucouldhaveseenhiminhighschool.
Heoncetutoredoneofourclassmates—CarterDoherty—who’dbeenstrugglingtopassphysics.Isuspectsomedifficultieswere
happeningathome,butwhateverthecase,he’ddecidedtodropout.ButJulianwouldn’tlethim.Tutoredhimallthewayfrom
afailinggradetoaB.Andnevertookanycredit.TheonlyreasonIknewaboutitismygrandmothergardenedforCarter’s
familyandwitnessedJulianshowingupontheirdoorstepeveryTuesday.”She’dswoonedrightthereonthekitchenfloorwhen
Rebeccatoldher,refusingtobudgeuntildinnertime.“Spendingtimewithhimlastnightmadethecrushworse,evenwhile
itforcedmetoseewe’recompletelydifferent.”

“You’rehornyandpragmaticnow.”

“Yes.Doesthatofficiallymakemeagrown-up?”
“Afraidso.That’swhatthewineisfor.”
Hallieslumped.Tookadeepbreath.“Allright.Well,he’sonlyheretowritethebook,andhe’llbeleavingagain.I’lljust
brazenmywaythroughanyfutureencounters.Andwhenhe’sgone,I’llforcemyselftostopcomparingeveryonetohim—”

“YoumeancomparingOwen,yeah?”Laviniapoppedashrimpintohermouth.“Givehimthegreenlightandyou’llbeafallbride,
ifthat’swhatyouwant.Themanislovestruckforyou.”

Guiltflip-floppedinHallie’sbelly.“That’swhyIoweittohim—oranyothermanwhoImightseeinthefuture—tonotbe
hunguponaridiculouscrush.It’sgoneonwaytoolong.”

Laviniapursedherlips,twirledherpasta.“Thenagain…”
“Ohno.Don’tgiveme‘thenagain.’”
“Thenagain,youoweittoyourselftoreallymakesurethereisnothingthere.BetweenyouandMr.Vos.You’reinheatover
aprankcall.Imagineifyouactuallykissedthesonofabitch.”

Halliesighed.“Believeme,I’vethoughtaboutit.”
Laviniafellbackintoherchairandsettledherwineglassonherpasta-filledbelly.“Youshouldwritehimsecretadmirer
lettersorsomething.GetallthisangstoffyourchestbeforeyouendupwalkingdowntheaisletowardOwenwithabridal
bouquetofregrets.”

Hallielaughed,tryingnottoletitshowhowthicklyherheartwasbeatingoverthosethreelittlewords.Secretadmirerletters.Theromanticinsideofhersatup,starstwinklinginhereyes.God,whatauniquechancetoexpressthefeelingsshe’dbeen
carryingaroundhalfherlifewithouttheriskofembarrassment.“WherewouldIleavetheletters?”

Laviniahummed.“Herunsthroughtowneveryafternoon.Hepassesthedonutshopattwoeleven,likeclockwork.AndhecutsdownthetrailonthecornerofGrapevineandCannon.NooneelseusesthatpathbecauseitleadstoVosproperty.Youcouldfindatreestumporsomethingto…”Herfriendstraightenedinherchair.“You’renottakingthisseriously,areyou?”

“No.”Hallieshookherheadsohard,afewcurlsfellacrosshereyes,forcinghertoshovethembackintoplace.“Ofcourse
not.”

“Meandmybigmouth.”Laviniasighed.“Youdon’thavetomakethiscomplicated.Justtellthemanyoulikehimandseewhat
happens.Oristhattooeasy?”

“Youthinkbaringfifteenyears’worthoffeelingswouldbeeasierinperson?”
“Allright,no.Nottechnically,but…”Slowly,Laviniasetdownherglass,visiblytakingtimetogatherherthoughts.
“Look,IknowIencouragedyoutoseehimagain.ButIwantyoutostopandthinkbeforegettingyourselfintoatangle,Hallie.
YouknowIloveyoutodeath,but…”Shepaused.“SincewelostRebecca,you’vebeenalittlemorequicktowreakhavoc
wherenoneisnecessary.”

Hallienodded.Keptrightonnoddinguntilthebackofherneckwastootighttocontinue.
Whileontheroadwithhermothergrowingup,Halliehadfeltlikeaslotmachine.Dropinacoin,pullthelever,andpick
anewadventure.Anewpersona.Cleantheslate.Hermotherwasasever-changingasthewind,andshetookHalliewithher,
inventingnewstories,newidentitiesinthenameoffun.

Hallierecalledthatitchyfeelingrightbeforehermotherpulledthemetaphoriclever,anditfeltsuspiciouslylikehercurrent,restlessstate.Thestateshe’dbeeninsinceJanuary.Andconstant,restriction-freemovementwastheonlywaytosmotheritthesedays.Orignoreit,rather.“Thanksforbeinghonest,”shesaid,finally,toherexpectantfriend.
LaviniareachedacrossthetabletolayherhandontopofHallie’s.“Let’sputtheol’letter-writingnonsensetobed,shall
we?”

“I’vereaditastoryandtuckeditin,”Halliesaid,firmlyignoringtheexcitedstaticlickingathernerveendings.“Good
night,badidea.”

“Thankfuck,”Laviniasaid,raisingherwineglass.
Halliereachedforherownglassandfounditempty.Blinkingawaytheincreasingblur,shepouredherselfanotherglass.
Afinalone,shevowed.

Absently,shewonderedhowlatethestationeryshopstayedopenthesedays.
Wouldn’thurttocheckonthewayhome,right?
SurelyherUberdriverwouldn’tmindadetour.
***
BarbedwirewrappedaroundHallie’sskullanditappearedtobetighteningwithafulltwisteveryfivetoeightseconds.
ShewalkedintoCorked,whichhadn’tyetopenedfortheday,anddrapedherselfoverthedusty,timeworncounter,burying
herheadinfoldedarms.

Knowinglaughterapproached,andthenLornapattedherforearmwithbeautifullyagedfingers,hercinnamon-and-dish-detergent
scentdriftingdowntoHallieandprovidingherwithasmallsenseofcomfort.Quiteafeatconsideringthecircumstances.

“Onecureforcobwebscomingrightup,”sangtheelderlywoman,herfootstepscarryingherbehindthecounter.“Overextended
yourselflastnightatdinnerwithLavinia,didyou?”

“Itwasaspecialoccasion.”
“Whatwereyoucelebrating?”
“Saturdaynight.”Shetriedtosmileattheolderwoman,buttheactionjuicedherbrainlikeanorange.“Please,Lorna.My
Advilislostsomewhereinthewildsofmyhouse.Eitherthatorthedogsburieditinthebackyard.Icomebeggingformercy.”

Lornacluckedhertongue,hummedtoherself.“Youdon’thavetobeg.”Shefiddledinthecabinetbeneaththeregisteramoment,
beforesettingdowntwinbluepillsonthecounterinfrontofHallie.“Youshouldberightasraininforty-fiveminutes.”

“That’sambitious,butIwillattempttomanifestthatoutcome.”Pillsdryswallowed,Halliestoodupalittlestraighter
andfocusedonthesweetlysmilingwomanbesidetheantiquebrassregister.Oneofhergrandmother’sbestfriends.Ifshe
closedhereyes,shecouldseethemsittingtogether,headsbentoveracrossword,gigglingliketeenagersoverawhispered
joke.“How…”Sheclearedtheemotionfromherthroat,glancingaroundthequiet,dustyshop.“Hasbusinessbeenanybetter?”

Lorna’ssmileremainedinplace,herheadtickingslightlytotheright.
Shesaidnothing.
Hallieswallowed,shiftinginherseat.“Well,havenofear.I’msurethishangoverwillbeclearedupbythetwothirtytasting.
Andit’swellpasttimetorestockmywhites—”

“Thelastthingyouneedismorewine,dear.I’mabiggirl.Icanhandlenooneshowingupforatasting.”Chuckling,LornareachedoutandsqueezedHallie’shand.“WouldIliketoseethisplacepackedliketheolddays?Ofcourse.ButI’mnotfillingtheregisterwithyourhard-earnedmoney,Hallie.I’mjustnotdoingit.”ShegaveHallieafinalpat.“Rebeccawouldbeproudofyoufortryingtohelp.”
TearsprickedthebacksofHallie’seyelids.Didn’tLornarealizeshewasbeingpartiallyselfish?Notonlydidthisplace
holdamillionspecialmemoriesforher,but…Hallieneededittoremain,thispieceofhergrandmother.ThemoreRebeccafadedintothepast,themoreanxiousandrudderlessHalliestartedtofeel.
Thisplace,herroutine,everythingfeltforeignwithoutRebecca’sstalwartpresence.Likeherlifebelongedtosomeoneelse.

“WillyouatleastbagmeupaPinot—”Thebellovertheentrancedinged,andHallie’sheartleapthopefullyinherchest.
“Oh!Acustomer…”Herexcitementfadedwhenshesawthemanwhoentered.Thetweed-suited,round-glassedmanagerfrom
UNCORKEDsportingaverybrisk,veryharriedsmileonhisface.Sherecognizedhimfromtheafternoonshe’dgonearoundtown
removingtheirgrandopeningflyersandhe’dchasedherhalfablock.

“Hello.”Justinsidethedoor,heclaspedhishandstogetherathiswaistandthrewapityingglanceatthesparselystocked
shelves.“I’mfromUNCORKEDnextdoor.AndIhatetodothis,butwehavetwobachelorettepartiescomingtotheafternoon
tastingandoursupplydeliverytruckwasdelayed.Wearelowonwineglasses,ifyoucanbelieveit.Thepartygotalittle
outofcontrollastnight,andtherewassomeunfortunatebreakage.Wouldyouhappentohaveadozenorsowecouldborrow
untiltomorrow?”

Lornawasalreadyrisingfromherseat,eagertohelp.“Ofcourse.I’msureIcanspareafew.”Shecroucheddowntosurveyhersuppliesbehindthecounter.HalliehoppeduptoassistbeforeLornacouldliftsomethingtooheavy,helpinghersettleaboxofrattlingglassontothecounter.“Ihavetwodozenhere.You’rewelcometohalf.”
Theyoungmanintweedsaunteredforward,peelingbackthecardboardflapsandextractingoneoftheglasses,holdingitup
tothelight.“Thesemustbetheemergencystash.Notexactlyhighquality,arethey?”

Lornawrungherhands.“Sorryaboutthat.”
“No,no.Don’tapologize,”laughedTweedTwit,thedisingenuousnatureofitcausingacidtoclimbthewallsofHallie’sthroat.
“Well,IguessIhavenochoice.I’lltakewhateveryoucangiveme.”Themanagerwasn’tevenlookingatthem.Hewascraning
hisnecktoobservethelineforminginfrontofUNCORKED.“Areyouabletosparethefulltwodozen?Itlookslikeweneed
theglassesatadmorethanCorked,”hesaidabsently.

“Oh.O-ofcourse.”Hastily,Lornaslidtheboxacrossthecounter.HalliewastoostunnedbythesheeraudacityofTweedTwit
toofferassistance.Andsheremainedopen-mouthedinshockasthemanagerliftedtheglasseswithahurriedthank-youand
scurriedbackoutthedoor.

Hallie’sentirebodywasrackedbyhottinglesandsecondhandembarrassment.Herfacewashotterthanthesun’ssurface,and
herthroat?GoodLord.Wasshetransformingintoawerewolforsomething?

“That…”Shecouldbarelyspeakaroundtheclusterofsticksinherthroat.“Hecannotgetawaywiththat.”
“Hallie—”
“I’mgoingoverthere.”
“Ohdear.”
Thiswasbad.Sheknewitthemomentshesteppedontothesidewalkandcoolairpracticallysizzledonherskin.Thiswasnotadisco-ball-sabotaginglevelofrighteousindignation.Itwasfarworse.ThiswasHulk-levelirritation,anditneededanoutlet.Adear,sweetoldlady,aninstitutionofthecommunity,hadbeenbrazenlybelittledtoherfacebyTweedTwit,andHallie’sangerdemandedsatisfaction.Whatformwouldittake?Shehadnoidea.WhichshouldhavebeenasignaltoreturntothesafetyofLorna’sshopandregroup,butinstead,shefoundherselfignoringtheprotestsofpeopleinlineandyankingopenthefrontdoorofUNCORKED,thescentofbluecheeseandchocolatehittingherintheface.
“Whydon’tyouwineaboutit?”sangtheroboticautomaticdoorgreeting.
“Shutup,”shesaidthroughherteeth,seeingUNCORKEDforthefirsttimefrombehindenemylines.Unlikethesoft,homey
feelofCorked,thisplacewasastudyinbadlighting.Neonsignsthatsaidhellogorgeousandgoodvibesonlycastatackyglowontheendlessrowsofwinebottlesthatappearedtobepurchasedbasedontheaestheticoftheirlabels,
ratherthanthequalityofthecontents.Unfortunately,therewerecushyottomansbeggingpeopletositandloungeforan
afternoonandpolishoffforty-dollarcheeseplates.Itwascleanandnew,andshehatedit.

Whatexactlyareyoudoinginhere?
Atthemoment,shewaskindofhoveringbetweenthedoorandthecounter,thecustomerswho’dmadeitinsidestaringather
curiously,alongwiththeregisterperson.Abeadofsweatrolleddownherspine.Sheshouldgo—

TweedTwit’svoicereachedherthen.HestrodebehindthecounterwithLorna’sbox,givingtheregisterpersonanexasperatedsmile.“Scroungedupsomeglassesfromtheoldfolks’homenextdoor.Ishouldprobablytaketheminbackandcleanthemfirst.There’sprobablyadecadeofdustcakedontherims.”
Hallie’sadrenalinespikedbackup,andsheglancedaroundthroughtheredhaze,attentionlandingonthecheesewall.Each
blockhaditsownshelf,backlitbypinklighting.Littlesilverdishesextendedoutwithsamplesarrangedinneatrows,sort
oflikehumanfeedingtroughs.Andshewasalreadymovingtowardit,turninghershirtintoamakeshiftapronandpilingthe
cheesesamplesintoitbythehandful.

Thiswasit.
GrandTheftGoudawouldbethecrimethatfinallybroughtherdown.
“Hey!”ThatwasTweedTwit.“Whatareyoudoing?”
Focusedonhermission,whateverthehellitwas,Halliedidn’tanswer.Shejustneededsomesortofcompensationforthe
chunkthemanagerhadtakenoutofLorna’spride.Wasitsilly?Probably.WouldHallieregretthis?Almostdefinitely,but
onlybecauseitwouldn’thelpLornainanyway.Notreally.

Sheranoutofroominhershirtapronandstartedstuffingcheesesamplesintoherpockets.
“Hey!”Themanagercametoastopbesideherandstartedslappingatherhands,butsheblockedhimwithherback.“Callthepolice!”
heshoutedoverhisshoulder.“This…OhmyGod,it’sthesamegirlwhostoletheflyersafewweeksago!”

Uh-oh.
Jeromewasright.Thiswastextbookescalation.
Halliemadeabreakforit.
TweedTwitwasfaster.Heblockedtheexit.Sheturned,searchingforabackdoor.Alloftheseplaceshadthem.Itwouldemptyintothealley,justlikeFudgeJudy.Andthenshewould…what?Hidebehindthestandingmixeragain?Wouldsheevenbeabletoavoidthefalloutthistime?Hertemplesstartedtopound,thesoundsofthewineshopturningmuffled.Herfacestung.Someofthecheesechunksplunkedtotheground.
Andthenthecraziestthinghappened.
ShelockedeyeswithJulianVosthroughtheglasswindowofUNCORKED.
Hehadabrownpaperbaginonesculptedarm,andsherecognizedtheconveniencestorelogo.He’dgonegroceryshopping.Julian
Vos:He’sjustlikeus!Theprofessor’sattentiondroppedfromherfacetothemountainofassortedcheeseblocksinhershirtapron,andhepopped
outhisAirPod,asingleblackeyebrowwingingup.

Slowly,Julian’sgazedriftedovertothemanager—whowassimultaneouslyyellingatherandshoutingorderstotheperson
behindthecounter—andhisexpressiondarkened.OnelongstrideandhewasinsideUNCORKED.Leavingachorusofcomplaints
inhiswakefrompeopleinline,heveryeffortlesslytookcommandofthewholeestablishmentwithoutsayingasingleword.
Everyonestoppedandlookedathim,somehowknowinghisarrivalwasimportant.Thismanwasabystanderofnothing.

Theonlypersonwhodidn’tnoticeJulianenteringUNCORKEDwasTweedTwit,whocontinuedtodemandshepayfortheruined
cheese,listingthecrimesshe’dcommittedagainstthewineshoplikebrokencommandments.

ButhismouthsnappedshutwhenJuliansteppedinfrontofHallie.
“You’refinishedyellingathernow.”Halliecouldn’tseehisface,butbasedontheclippeddeliveryofhiswords,sheimaginedhisfeaturesweretense.“Don’teverdoitagain.”Heturnedandglancedatheroverhisshoulder.Indeed,withhisVerySeriouseyebrowsandjawline,heresembledagallantdukecometorescueadamselindistress.Well,callherPrincessPeachToadstool,becauseshewelcomedhisservices.“Hallie,pleasegooutsidewherethismancan’tshoutatyouanymore.”
“I’mfinerighthere,”shewhispered,herbeliefinchivalryrisinglikethedeadinanoldzombiemovie.Noteventhethreat
ofbeingbittenbyawalkingcorpsecouldhaveconvincedhertomisswhatwashappeninghere.Juliandefendingher.Taking
hersidewithoutgettingbothsidesofthestoryfirst.Justbeingall-aroundwonderful.God,hewaswonderful.

TweetTwitsputtered.“Shestoleourcheese!”
“Icanseethat,”Juliansaidwithforcedcalm,turningbacktothered-facedman.Heloweredhisvoicetosuchalevelthat
Halliealmostdidn’thearhisnextclippedwordstothemanager.“You’restillnotgoingtoyellatheranymore.Ifshe’s
upset,I’mupset.Idon’tthinkyouwantthat.”

Hallie…wasfindingreligion.Isthatwhatwashappening?
AmIascendingtoahigherplane?
WhateverwashappeningonhisfacemusthaveconvincedthemanagerthattickingJulianoffshouldbeeliminatedfromhischore
chart.“Fine,I’mdoneyelling,butwe’recallingthepolice,”themanagersaid,snappingatthecounterperson.

“You’regoingtocallthepoliceovercheesesamples?”Julianaskedslowly.Hallielookeddownathisbutt—shecouldn’thelpit,notwhenhewasusingthesnobbishprofessortoneofvoice—and,God,thewayittestedtheseamofhisjeansalmostmadeherdropthehunkofParmesanthatshe’dbeensecretlyplanningtokeepforherself.“Idon’tthinkthatwouldbewise.Numberone,thatwouldupsether,too,andwe’vealreadyestablishedI’mnotafanofthat.Andtwo,you’dhavetopresscharges.Overcheese.Againstalocal.Idon’tthinktheotherlocals—yourcustomers—wouldlikethatverymuch,doyou?WebothknowIwouldn’t.”
Heavenlookedsuspiciouslylikeacheeseshop,butsurelyherpersonalcloudwasaroundheresomewhere.Couldshebookan
angel-guidedtour,perhaps?

“Shestoleourflyersoutofshopwindowsand…yeah,Ithinkshemighthavebrokenourdiscoball?”Uh-oh.Hallie’sstupor
poppedlikeabubble,andshepeekedaroundJulianintimetoseethemanagerthrowuphishands.“She’samenace!”

Halliegasped.
“You’reprobablyright,”Juliandrawled.
Shegaspedasecondtime.
“Butifyousayanotherwordabouther,I’llbreakalotmorethanyourdiscoball.”
TweedTwitblewaraspberryinhisoutrage.“Ican’tbelievethis—”HestoppedcoldandsquintedupatJulian.“Waitaminute,
youlookfamiliar.”

Juliansighed,transferringthepaperbagtohisotherarm.“Yes.”Hekepthisvoicelow.“YoumustbefamiliarwithVosVineyard.”
“VosVineyard?Notreally.Wedon’tstockanythingfromthosedusty-asshas-beens.”
HalliealmostthrewtheblockofParmesanatthestoremanager—anditwasdefinitelyabigenoughchunktodeliveraconcussion.DidhereallyjustsaythatoutloudtoJulian?Thesecondhandembarrassmentshe’dexperiencedforLornaroaredbacknowinhishonor,flushingherskinandmakingherwishshe’dstayedinbedthismorning,likeagoodlittlehungoversoldier.ForJulian’spart,hisreactionwasnotwhatshemighthaveexpected.Insteadofgettingangryovertheinsulttohisfamilybusiness,hemerelylooked…perplexed.Curious.
“Dusty-asshas-beens?”herepeated,browfurrowing.“Whywouldyoucall—”
Themanagercuthimoffwithafingersnap.“No,wait.Iknowwhyyou’refamiliar.Youwereinthataliendocumentary!What
wasitcalled…”

Julianwasalreadyturningonaheel,usheringHallieoutofthestorewithhisfreehand.“Andthat’sourcue.”
“Wait!”calledtheoverdressedtwentysomething.“Canwetakeaselfie?”
“No,”Juliansaidflatly.
“Whataliendocumentaryishetalkingabout?”HalliewhisperedupatJulian’ssetchin.
“Quiet,cheesethief.”
“That’sfair,”shemuttered,pluckingtheParmesanoutofherapronandtakingabite.
Assoonastheywereoutsidetheshopandmovingatabriskpacedownthesidewalk,JulianaskedaquestionHalliereally
didn’twanttofield.“Whydidhespeakthatwayaboutthevineyard?Wasitanunpopularopinionortheconsensus?”

Halliegulped.“IfIanswer,willyouexplainthealiendocumentary?”
Hissighcouldhavewitheredanoaktree.“Deal.”ChapterSix
TheyweretheadultversionofHanselandGretel.Except,insteadofbreadcrumbs,theywereleavingcrumblesofManchego
intheirwake.SomehowJulianwasn’tsurprisedbythisturnofevents.Ofcoursehe’dstumbleduponthiscaptivating,lunatic
womanwhoinspiredhimtomakeprankcallsstealingcheesefromalocalestablishment.Whatelsewouldshebedoing?

Hecouldn’tquitelocatethewherewithaltobeexasperatedwithher,however.Whocouldbeupsetoveranythingwhenshewas
smiling?Nothim.Especiallywhentwoveryprominentemotionswerecrowdingeverythingelseout.

Numberone?Hewaspissedthehelloff.WantedtogobackintoUNCORKEDandknocksometeethoutofthemanager’shead,which
wasunlikehimineveryway.Hewasn’taviolentman.He’dbeeninafewscrapesasateenager,buthe’dneverexperienced
thathotsurgefromhisbellytohisthroatbefore,likehe’dfeltwhenhe’dseenHalliebeingyelledatthroughthewindow.
Whocouldshoutatthis…humansunflower?Noneofmybusiness,hisheadtriedtotellhim.Buthisgutcompelledhimtostorminsideandstandbetweenherandanysortofnegativity.
Notonmywatch.
Numbertwo?Anencroachingsenseofdreadtightenedhisarmaroundthesackofgroceries.Dusty-asshas-beens.Thosewordscycledfromonecornerofhisbraintotheother,backandforth,sounlikethephrasinghewasusedtohearing
describeVosVineyard
Institution.Legendary.Acornerstoneoftheindustry.
Theystoppedatatrashcan,whereHallieridherselfofcountlesscheesesamples,thoughshestubbornlyheldontotheParmesan.
“BeforeItellyouanything,”shestarted,squaringhershouldersandtakingadeepbreaththatdidnothingtosettlehis
nerves.“IwantyoutoknowthatI,personally,donotshareanynegativeopinionsaboutyourfamily’svineyard.Caseinpoint,
Ijustknockedoverthatcringeywinenightclubbecauseit’ssteppingonthetoesofmybelovedoldstompinggrounds.Ivalue
traditionandhistory—thosearebothwordsIwouldusetodescribeVos.It’spartofSt.Helena.Butit,um…well,in
recentyears,somemightsay…”

Thedreaddeepened.“Don’tsoftentheblow,Hallie.Let’shaveit.”
Shenoddedonce.“Thefirewasasetbacktoalotofestablishedwineries.Theytriedtorecover,butthepandemiccamealong
andknockedthemout.Nowthereisafloodofcompetitionfromthebuyersofthoseturnkeywineries.They’vecomealongand
modernizedtheiroperations,foundnewwaystolureinthecrowds.AndVos
Boltstwistedoneithersideofhisjugular.He’dfoundhismother’srequestthatheattendtheWineDownNapafestivalalittleodd,buthedidn’tanticipatethis.Howbadwerethings?And…washestillsounwantedinthefamilybusinessthatshewouldn’tevenaskforhishelpinadesperatesituation?Yes,hisfatherhadmadeitveryclearhedidn’twantJulian’sinfluenceonthevineyard.Buthismother?Maybeshehadevenlessfaithinhimthanhe’drealized.Afterhishumiliatingbehaviorafterthefire,couldheblameher?
“Mymothermentionednoneofthis,”hemanaged.
“I’msorry.”HallieofferedhimtheParmesan,loweringitbackdowntohersidewhenhedeclinedwithacurtheadshake.
“I’mmoreofagoatcheesetype.”
Shedidadoubletake.“Okay,Satan.”Shenudgedhimintheribstolethimknowshewasjoking,andhebarelyresistedcatching
herwrist,keepingherhandthere.Near“Ifitmakesyoufeelanybetter,IgotextremelydrunklastnightonabottleofVosSauvignonBl…”

Shetrailedoff,herfacelosingsomeofitsrosycolor.
“What’swrong?”heasked,concerned.Justhowmuchhadthatscrawnymanagerupsether?“I’mgoingbackinthere,”hegrowled,
wheelingbacktowardtheshop.

“No!”Shecaughthiselbow,stoppinghim.“I’m…I’mokay.”
Clearlythatwasn’ttrue.“ToomuchParmesan?”
“No,Ijust…”Suddenlysheseemedunabletolookhimintheeye.“IjustrememberedIforgottotipmyUberdriverfrom
lastnight.Andhewasreallygood.HeevenwaitedformewhileImadeastop.”

Whydidshesoundalmostwindedbytheoversight?
“Youcantipafterthefact.”
“Yes.”Shelookedrightthroughhim,glassy-eyed,hercolorhigh.“Yes.Ican.Iwill.”
“Doesthishangoverhaveanythingtodowiththedecisiontoburglecheese?”
“No.”Shevisiblyshookherself,buthercolorwasslowtoreturn,voiceslightlyunnatural.“Maybealittle.Butitdidn’t
helpmatterswhentheTweedTwitwalkedintoCorkedlikeanentitledtrollandmadeoffwithtwodozenwineglasses,claiming
UNCORKEDneededthemmore.”

“Ah.”Irritationsnakedthroughhimalloveragain.“I’mextragladIdidn’tgivehimaselfie.”
“Speakingofwhich.”TheywalkeddownthesidewalkwhileHallietriedandfailedtotuckthecheeseblockintothefrontpocket
ofherjeans.Honestly,shewasaconstantjumble.Andhecouldn’tseemtotakehisdamneyesoffhernonetheless.“Whatalien
documentary?”

“It’snothing,”herespondedbriskly.
“Nowayit’snothing.”Shelaughed,andhewasrelievedtoseeherlookinglesspalethanamomentago.“Also,youpromised
anexplanation,Vos.Idemandsatisfaction.”

Acornerofhislipstugged.“Yes,I’maware.Ijustdon’tliketotalkaboutit.”
“Youjustcaughtmecommittingarobbery.Givemesomething.”
Hegrewmomentarilyfascinatedbyhercajolingsmile.Hungoverornot,shestillhadherglow,didn’tshe?Herbrandofdiscombobulated
beauty.Andalotlikethefirsttwotimeshe’dbeeninthepresenceofHallie,thepressureofhisscheduleseemedtohave
receded.Butittriedtoroarbackintofocusnow,demandingheregroup.Hiswatchbecameheavieronhiswrist,minutesflying
bywithoutbeingaccountedfor.“Right,I’llexplain.ButIhavewritingtodo…”

Sheblinkedathim,andhenearlyleanedintogetabetterlookattheblackcirclearoundheririses.Isthatwhatmadetheircolorso…distracting?Hecouldtakehalfanhour,couldn’the?
Mightaswellfacefacts.Halliewasastickofdynamitetohispeaceofmind,andhecouldn’tseemtoadheretohisplans
whenshewasaround.Especiallywhenshetiltedherheadonewayandsquint-smiledupathim,thesunbaskinginthatcrease
inthemiddleofherbottomlip.Andthefactthathewasnoticingthesedetailsinlieuofthetickingclockmeantsomething
wasseriouslywrongwithhim.

“Whyareyoulookingatmelikethat?”heasked.
“Iwasjustthinkingthemorningcouldhaveturnedoutalotdifferent,”shesaid.“Ifyouhadn’tintervened,thatis.Thank
you.Thatwasprettyheroic.”

Whatwastheoddfeelinginhismiddle?Heroichewasnot.Yethecouldn’thelpbutcovetHalliethinkingofhimthatway.
Tohavethiswomansmileathimwassomesortofcelestialrewardhedidn’tknowhe’dbeenmissing.Whenwashegoingtoget
enoughofit?Soon,hopefully.Thiscouldn’tverywellbesustained.“Nooneshouldeveryellatyou.”

Sheblinked.Wasshebreathingfasternow?Hewantedtoknow.Wantedtogetcloseandstudyherandmentallyfileawaythe
patternsofherbehavior.ThepathwaystoherHallieSmiles
“Th-thankyou,”sheresponded,finally.Quietly.Asifshecouldn’tgetthebreathformuchmore—anditwaslittlewonder
whyafterheraltercationwiththemanager.

Heshouldreallygobackinthere.
Wouldhave.Ifshedidn’tbeamagrinathimandturninthedirectionofthepaththatwouldleadtoVosVineyard.Thepath
hewouldhavealreadygonedownifthisunrulywomanhadn’tdraggedhimfromhisroutinesinsuchanadorable—no,criminal—way.
“Istillwanttoknowaboutthealiendocumentary.”
“Isuspectedasmuch,”hemuttered,ignoringhiswatch.“Afewyearsago,Iwasaskedtobepartofanuntitleddocumentary
film.Astudentfilm.Iassumeditwasasemesterproject,somethingtheywouldbeturninginforagrade,soIdidn’treadthefineprint
onthereleaseform.”Heshookhisheadoversuchuncharacteristicnegligenceonhispart.“Theyaskedmetospeakoncamera
aboutthetimekeepingmethodsoftheancientEgyptians.Iwasnotawarethatmytheorieswould,inaroundaboutway,support
theirbeliefthataliensareresponsibleforinfluencingcertaintime-measuringdevices.TheygotaBminusonthefilm,but
somehowitwaspickedupbyNetflix,andnowI’manunwittingparticipantinanaliendocumentary.Mystudentsfinditall
veryamusing.”

“Andyouclearlydonot.”
“Correct.”Reluctantly,headded,“It’scalledTimeMartiansOn.”

Sheslappedahandoverhermouth,thenletitdrop,givinghimasympatheticlook.“Sorry,butthat’sextremelyclever.”
“Isupposeitis,”headmitted.“Unfortunately,Iwasnot.AndnowI’monfilmtalkingaboutaveryimportantsubjectand
they’veediteditinsuchawaythatIappeartobe.verypassionateabouttheexistenceofaliens.”

Lookingahead,shesaidsomethingunderherbreath.ItsoundedlikeHowdidInotknowaboutthis?Hemusthaveheardherwrong.Andthenhegotdistractedbythewayadimpleappearedinhercheekwhenshetriedtobury
asmile.Itwasadorable,really,andhehadtheinsaneimpulsetofithisthumbintoit.

“You’reluckyIdon’thaveNetflixorI’dbewatchingthatsuckertonightwithabowlofpopcorn.”
“Don’thaveNetflix?”Hecouldn’thidehisshock.“Theirdocumentarysectionaloneisworththemembership,TimeMartiansOnnotwithstanding.”

“Ohno,”shedeadpanned.“Ican’tbelieveI’mmissingoutonallthatexcitement.”Whateverhisexpression—heguesseditwas
affronted—itmadehergiggle,thesoundmakinghimswallowthickly.“Oh,comeon.Thereareworsethingstobepassionate
about,”shesaid.“Atleastitwasn’taBigfootbiopic.”

Thegigglingwasover,then?“That’stheonlysilverlining.”
“Oh,Idon’tknow.”Amusementspreadacrossherface,andacorrespondingripplewentstraightthroughhim.“Itwaskindof
nicewatchingTweedTwitgetstarstruckinthemidstofhistiradeagainstme.”

They’dreachedthebeginningofthetrailleadingtothevineyard.Heneededtowishheragoodrestoftheweekendandbe
onhisdamnmerryway.Buthehesitated.Thefullhalfanhourhadn’tpassedyet.Changinghisplanofactiontwiceinone
morningwouldthrowhimoffevenmore,wouldn’tit?Yes.Sohemightaswellkeeptalkingtoher.Andignorethereliefsinking
intohisgut.

“Wheredidyougotohighschool?”Heaskedthequestionwithoutthinkingaboutit.Becausehewasgenuinelycurious,not
justmakingthenecessarysmalltalkashetendedtodowithwomen.HeneededtoknowwhereawomanlikeHalliesprangfrom.

Afewbeatsofsilencedraggedout.Verybriefly,hersmiledimmed,andhisstomachdroppedwithit.“NapaHigh,”shesaid,continuingonwithoutgivinghimachancetoprocessthatbombshellinformation.“Youwouldhavebeenthreeyearsaheadofme,Ibelieve.Acoolsenior.”Hershoulderjerked.“I’msureourpathsdidn’tcrossveryoften.”
Buttheyobviouslyhad.
Andhe’dforgotten?How?
Whowouldn’tremembereverydetailofHallie?
Thiswaswhyshe’dbeendisappointedinhimthefirsttimethey’dmet.Nowhe’dmadetheblundertwice.He’dbeterribleatthe
joboffull-timeproviderofsmilesforthiswoman.

“I’msorry,Ididn’trealize—”
“Stop.”Cheeksred,shewavedofftheapology.“It’sfine!”
Uh-oh.Notfine.Definitelynotfine.Heneededtogetthatsmilebackonherfacebythetimetheypartedways,orhewouldn’t
sleeptonight.

“Letmeguess,”hesaid,equallydeterminedtofindoutmoreabouther.Forreasonsthatcouldn’tpossiblybewise.“Youwere
indramaclub.”

“Yes.Butonlyforaweek.ThenItriedplayingthetromboneinthemarchingband.Foramonth.ThenIgotapairofnonprescription
horn-rimglassesandjoinedthenewspaper.Andthatwasonlysophomoreyear.”Shelookedintothedistanceattherowsof
grapesonhisfamily’sproperty,thesunbathingtheearthingold.Bathingheringold.Hercheeks,hernose,thewildringlets
buriedamongthebiggercurlsonherhead.“Byjunioryear,mygrandmotherhadgottenaholdofme.Helpedmesettledown.”

“Ican’timagineyoueversettlingdown,Hallie.”
Hereyesshottohis.Probablybecauseofthewayhesaidhername.Liketheywereinbedtogether,tangledupindampsheets.Hecouldvisualizethemtheresoeasily.Couldfeelhimselflikingwhattheydidthere.Lovingit.Tosuchapointthatcomingbackdownwouldbedifficult.Hisreactiontoherwasflat-outdifficult.Itwastoomuch.

“Um…”Shewetherlips.“Well,shehadawayofreiningmein.OrmaybeIjustfeltathomewithherandIcouldrelax.
Focus.I’malittleuntetheredwithoutheraround.Ifshewastherethismorningforthecheeseshow,shewouldhavesaid
somethinglike,‘Hallie,allthatglittersisnotgold’or‘anemptyvesselmakesmuchnoise,’andIwouldhavesighedor
maybeevenarguedwithher,becausenoteverysituationcanbesummedupwithaproverb.ButIprobablywouldn’thavefelt
theneedtostealcheeseinthenameofjustice,either.MaybeI’vebeenwrongallalongandthoseproverbsaregolden.Or
atleastawayofsavingbailmoney.”Shetookamuch-neededbreath.Interestedashewasinwhatshewassaying,he’dactually
startedtogetworried.“It’sterriblehowyouonlyrealizethesethingswhenit’stoolate.”

“Itis.Myfather…hehasn’tpassedoranythingandGodknowsourrelationshipwasneverperfect.ButIoftenfindmyself
discoveringmeaninginsomethinghetoldme,rightoutoftheblue.It’lljustberelevant.”Hewentonspeakingwithoutconsidering
hiswords.Oddbehaviorforhim.Normallyeverythinghesaidoutloudwasweighedandmeasuredbeforehand.“Yourgrandmother
soundslikesomeoneworthmissing.”

Hedidn’trealizehe’dstoppedbreathingregularlyuntilasmileformedonhermouthagain.Again,hehadthesuddenurge
totouch,tostrokehercheek,soheslippedhishandintothepocketofhisshorts.

“Thankyou.Ilikethat.Andsheis.”
Theyjustkindoflookedateachother,herfaceturneduptothesunindeferenceofhisheight.Maybeheshouldstoopdownslightlysoshedidn’tgetacrickinherneck?
“Sheneverquitepushedmeasfarasshe’dhoped.Orsheleftbeforeshecould.Thelibrary…youknowthetownlibrary?
They’dbeenaskinghertolandscapetheircourtyardforyears.Shekeptsayingno.Sheaskedmetodoit,instead.ItwouldbethebiggestprojectI’veevertakenon.Theonethatrequiredthemostcommitment.Ithink…
Idon’tknow,shewantedmetorealizemypotentialtoknuckledownandnurturesomething.Thetopperonhermaster-plancake.”
Sheshookherselfasifembarrassedshe’dbeenspeakingforsolong.Asifhewasn’tprayingshe’dcontinue.“Wow,I’vedefinitely
takenupenoughofyourtime.Youcameintotownforaquickstopatthestoreandendedupsympathizingwithaburglar.”
Abruptly,sheheldoutherhandtohimforashake.“Friends,Julian?”Whenhedidn’ttakeherhandrightaway,sheshifted
righttoleft.“Iappreciatewhatyoudidformethismorning,butwow…itreallydidmakeitobviousthatweshould
probablybethekindofacquaintancesthatwaveateachotherinthestore,right?”

Yes.Thatwastrue.Totallytrue.Thatdidn’tmeanheenjoyedpartingwayswithher.Didn’tlikeitlasttime,either.But
ifithadtobedone—andsinceitdid—hedefinitelypreferredithappeningasfriends.Unfortunately,shewasafriendhe
suspectedhe’dbethinkingabouttothepointofdistractionforalongtime.“Right…”

Finally,hetookherhand.
“WoulditmakeyousmileifIgaveyoumyNetflixlogin?”Hewasactuallysayingthisoutloud.“SoyoucouldwatchTimeMartiansOnwithpopcorn?”

Theslowgrinthatspreadacrossherfacemadetheentireworldfeelbrighter.
“Ithinkthatwouldelevateyoufromfriendtohero.Twiceinoneday.”
HowinGod’snamedidheforgetbeinginthesameplaceatthesametimeasher?

ShemusthavebeendressedupforHalloweenatthetime.Orbeenwearingapotatosackthatcoveredherheadtotoe.Those
weretheonlyexplanationshecouldmuster.

“ThenI’lltextittoyou,”hesaid,shakingherhand.“Enjoy.”
Handsdroppingtotheirsides,theyhesitatedamoment,thenturnedandwalkedaway.AndJuliancontinueddownthepath,not
glancingathiswatchevenonce.Hewastoobusy(a)textingHalliehisloginandpassword,double-andtriple-checkinghis
punctuationandbrieflyconsideringafloweremoji,becauseitremindedhimofher.And(b)replayingthelasthourofhis
lifeandtryingtofigureouthowthewholeHalliebusinesshadbeensocompletelypeculiarandoff-beat,whilealso…
dangerouslyexhilarating.

However,whenhesawthewhiteenvelopestickingoutofatreestumpahead—anenvelopewithhisnameloopingacrossthefront—hehadafeelingthedaywasabouttogetevenmorepeculiar.

Andhewasright.
***
“OhJesus!”Halliecriedintothephone.“OhJesus.You’renotgoingtobelievethis.”

“Quietdown.Someonehasstabbedmethroughthefuckin’eyewithahighheel,”Laviniascreechedback,clearlyneck-deepinherownhangover.“Whathasyouinastate?”
“Lavinia,Iwanttodie.”
“Metoo,currently.”Herfriend’svoicewasnowmuffledbyapillow.“I’msuspectingforadifferentreason.Stateyourbusiness
orI’mhangingup.”

“Iwrotetheletter,”Halliescream-whisperedintothephone,justasshereachedhertruck.Shethrewherselfinsideand
slammedthedoor,herpulsefrenetic,stomachroiling.“IwroteJulianasecretadmirerletterlastnightafterdinnerand
Ileftitforhimtofind.IwroteitinthebackofanUber.I’mprettysureIevenaskedthedriverforadviceandhesaid
don’tdoit.Don’tdoit,crazypassenger.ButIdid.Ileftitforhimonthejoggingpath,andunlessitblewaway,he’s
intheprocessoffindingitrightnow.”

“Ican’tbelieveyoudidthat.Yousworeyouwouldn’t.”
“Ican’tbeexpectedtomakepromisesundertheinfluenceofpastaandwine!”
“You’reright.Ishouldn’thavetrustedyourword.”Acouchgroanedinthebackground.Lavinia’svoicewasclearerwhenshe
spokeagain.“There’snowaytododamagecontrol?”

“No.Imean,Ididn’tsignmyname,obviously.Ithink,anyway?”
“Thatwouldseriouslydefeatthepurposeofasecretadmirerletter.”
Herphonedingedtosignalatextmessage.Julian’sNetflixlogin.
He’dsavedherfromatrollintweed,rekindledherbeliefingooddeedsandnoblemen,madeherheartbeatlikeithadfinally
rememberedhow,andgivenherhisNetflixpassword—whichwas“calendar,”bytheway—andinreturn,she’dword-vomitedheradmirationofhiminatorrentofcompulsiveness
“Ican’tevenrememberwhatIwrote!”Halliedroppedherforeheadontothesteeringwheel.“Pleasetellmethemorningdew
blurredtheinkorthewholethingblewaway.Pleasetellmethat’spossibleandJulianVosisn’treadingmydrunkenramblings
rightnow.”

Lavinia’spauselastedabeattoolong.“I’msureitblewaway,babe.”
“NowayI’mthatlucky,huh?”
“Doubtit.”Therewasamuffledvoiceinthebackground.“Gottogo.Jeromeneedshelpwiththerush.Keepmeposted,Shakespeare!”
Hallietookadeepbreathandletthedisconnectedphonedroptoherlap,staringintoavoid.Whatwasshegoingtodo?
Nothing.That’swhat.Sittightandhope.Thatiftheletterdidn’tgetcaughtinthewind,nothingshesaidinthoseparagraphs
couldidentifyher.Forallsheremembered,shemighthaveactuallylabeledtheenvelopewithherhomeaddress.God.
Okay.TomorrowshewasscheduledtobebackattheVosguesthousetodosomeplanting.She’djusthavetoremaininthedark
untilthen—andthenshe’deitherbegrantedareprieve.OrherfeelingsforJulianwouldnolongerbeherinnocentlittle
secret.
ChapterSeven
Julianstareddownattheletter,hiseyebrowsdangerouslyclosetobeingswallowedupbyhishairline.
DearJulianVos,
OhmyGod.Ican’tbelieveI’mreallydoingthis.
Yougetoneshotatlife,though,right?Havetopullthattrigger!
Okay.Seriously,though.Ithinkyou’rewonderful.Really,trulywonderful.I’vebeendyingtogetthatoffmychestfora
verylongtime,butIdidn’thavetheguts.You’vealwaysbeensoquietlykind,neverlordingyournameoveranyoneoracting
superior,youknowwhatImean?Justarealdown-to-earthfellowwithbrainstoburnandabig,secretheart.

IwishI’dtoldyouallofthisamillionyearsago,becausewhenyoufeelsomething,youshouldjustsayit!Youknow?Idon’twantyoutothinkI’mcreepy(ofcourseyou’regoingtothinkI’mcreepy,Imean,lookwhatI’mdoing),butwaybackwhen,indaysofyore,Iwitnessedyourcharacterwhenyoudidn’tthinkanyonewaswatchinganditreallyinspiredhowI’vetreatedotherpeoplethroughoutmylife.Mostly!I’mnotperfect.SometimesIhangupontelemarketers.ButIhopeyou’rehappyandhealthyandheadedforthekindofhappyfutureyoudeserve.Iusedtheword“happy”twicethere,sorry,butyougetupwhatI’mputtingdown.
Okay!Thiswasgreat.Let’sdoitagainsometime.Maybeyou’llwriteback?You’renevertoooldforapenpal.I’msurethat’s
thegenerallyheldbeliefonthesubject.

SecretlyYours
Julianliftedhishead.“Whatthefuck?”
Asecretadmirerletter?
Heturnedtheenvelopeoverinhishands,searchedthebackofthepaperforsomesignoftheprankster’sidentity—because
that’sdefinitelywhatthiswas.Aprank.Buttherewerenocluestopointhiminthedirectionofthepersonapparentlytrying
tomesswithhim.

Whothehellhadwrittenit?
Whoknewabouthishabitoftakingthisshortcutbetweenhomeandtown?
Alotofpeople,hesupposed.AnyonehejoggedpastonGrapevineWayintheafternoon.Shopowners.Orpeoplewholivedin
theresidentialhousesclosertothetopofthepath.Itcouldbeanynumberofwomen.Ormen.

Heshookhishead,scanningthelinesonemoretime.Nobodywrotesecretadmirerlettersthesedays.Contactwasmadethroughsocialmedia,almostexclusively,right?Thishadtobesomekindofjokeathisexpense,butwhy?Whowouldgotosomuchtrouble?
AssoonasJulianarrivedattheguesthousetofindhissisterloiteringinthedriveway,themysterysolveditself.“Wow.
Howlonghaveyoubeenintown?Anhour?”Hewavedtheletter.“Barelymadeitofftheplanebeforekickingoffthepsychological
warfare?”

Hedidn’tbuyherconfusedexpression.Notforasecond.
“Uh.Thanksforthewarmwelcome,”Nataliesaid,skirtingthebumperofherhatchback.Rented,basedonthewindowsticker.
“Tonedowntheemotionbeforethisfamilyreuniongetsembarrassing.”SaunteringtowardJulian,sheeyedhisletterasif
she’dneverseenitbefore.“Yes.ItisI,theprodigaldaughter.Iwouldgiveyouahug,butwedon’tdothatsortofthing…”
Hersmilewastight-lipped.“Hi,Julian.Youlookwell.”

Thewayshesaidit,withahintofmeasuringconcerninhereyes,madethebackofhisneckfeeltight.Thelasttimethey’d
beentogetherinSt.Helena,onthesoilofVosVineyard,wasneverfarfromhismind.Thesmokeandashandshoutingand
flames.Theworrythathewouldn’tdowhatneededtobedoneintime.Hecouldtastetheacridburninthebackofhisthroat,
couldfeelthegritthatsearedthebacksofhiseyesockets.Thehundred-tonweightpressingdownonhischest,makingit
impossibleforhimtobreatheinthesmokyair.

Nataliescannedhisfaceandlookedawayquickly,obviouslyremembering,too.Howhe’dlosthiscomposureinawaythatwassophysical,hecouldonlyrememberithappeninginsnatchesofsoundandmovement.Onemomenthe’dbeencapableofthinkingcritically,helpinghisfamily,andthenext,whenheknewNataliewassafe,he’dsimplygonedark.He’dretreatedintothesootyhouse,closedhimselfinabackbedroom,andgonetoaplacewherehewascomfortable.Work.Lessons.Lecturenotes.Whenhecameupforair,dayshadpassedwhilehe’dbeeninastateofnumbness.LeavinghisparentsandNatalietodealwiththefalloutfromthefire.Unacceptable.He’dnevergotothatplaceagain.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”heasked,alittletoosharply.
Herchinsnappedup.Fast.Defensive.Withherfacetothemorningsun,hecataloguedthedifferencessincethelasttime
theysaweachother.Nataliewasyoungerthanhimbythreeandahalfyears,makingherthirtynow.Shehadhismother’sageless
complexion,blackhairdownpasthershoulders,messyfromthewindconstantlymovingthroughthevalley,althoughshecontinuously
triedtosmoothitwithimpatientpalms.She’darriveddressedforNewYorkCity,whereshe’dmovedafterattendingCornell.
Inblackdresspants,heels,andaruffledblazer,shecouldhavewalkedstraightoffMadisonAvenueintothefrontyard.

AsforwhyNataliewasinSt.Helena,Julianexpectedapracticalexplanation.Shewasintownonbusiness.Orheretoattendthewedding
ofacolleague.Hedefinitelywasn’texpectingthereasonshegavehiminstead.

“I’mtakingabreakfromwork.Avoluntaryone,”sherushedtoadd,pickinglintfromthesleeveofherjacket.“AndifIhavetostayinthemainhousewithourmother,
I’mprettysurewe’llfightenoughtoinvoketheapocalypse,soI’llbecrashingherewithyou.”

Themuscledirectlybehindhisrighteyehadbeguntospasm.“Natalie,Iamwritingabook.Icamehereforpeaceandquiet.”
“Really?”Genuine,surprisedpleasurecrossedherfacebeforeshehiditbehindamusement.“Mybrother,anovelist?Veryimpressive.”
Shestudiedhimforamoment,visiblyevaluatingtheinformation.“WhosaysI’mgoingtomesswithyourprocess?”Shepressed
herlipsintoaline,seeminglytosuppressalaugh.“Youcallityourprocess.Don’tyou?”

“That’swhatit’scalled.”Hefoldeduptheprankletter,alreadyplanningontossingitintothetrashcanassoonashe
walkedinside.“Andit’syourtrackrecordthatsaysyou’dmesswithit.”

Natalierolledhereyes.“I’magrownwomannow,Julian.I’mnotgoingtothrowakeggeronyourfrontlawn.Atleastnot
untilIlullyouintoafalsesenseofsecurity.”Whenarumblingsoundstartedcomingfromhisthroat,shereachedforthe
rollingsuitcasewaitingbehindheronthedriveway.“Oh,comeon,thatwasajoke.”

Hewatchedindisbeliefasshedraggedthesuitcaseupthestairs,lettingitsmackloudlyintoeachwoodenstep.“Natalie,
therehastobesomewhereelseyoucantakeabreak.”

“Nope.”
Thescreendoorsnickedshutbehindhissister,herheelstappingtowardthekitchen.
Julianfollowedher,nearlywrenchingthedooroffitshingesintheprocess.Thiscouldn’tbehappening.Fatewasdetermined
tofuckhimover.Thisguesthousehadbeensittingemptyforfouryears,andsuddenlybothofthemwereback?Andattheverysametime,ithadalsobeenimperativetoplantbegonias?Thewomeninhislifeweredeadsetonderailinghisgoals.Atthisverymoment,hewassupposedtobeintheshower,preparingforthesecondhalfofhiswritingday.
Julianarrivedinthekitchenandwatchedhissisterremoveherjacket,hangingitneatlyonthebackofachair.ThankGod,
attheveryleast,theyhadtidinessincommon.Theirfatherhadn’ttoleratedanythinglessgrowingup.WhenNatalieandJulian
wereyounger,thedrivingforceinDaltonVos’slifehadbeencraftingwinebetterthanhisfather.Tomakethevineyardtwice
assuccessfulandrubitinthefaceofhisestrangedoldman.AndwhenDaltonsucceeded,whenhe’dbeenshoweredinaccolades
andbecomethetoastofNapa,beingbetterthanhisfatherwasn’tassatisfyingashe’dhoped.Nordidhehaveasonhefound
capableofbestowinghislegacyupon.ThefirewasthefinalblowtoDalton’sinvincibility,sohe’dsignedoverVosVineyard
tohisex-wifeasapartinggiftinthedivorceandmovedontothenextproject,leavingthisonebehindforCorinnetoassume.

AsbadlyasJulianwantedtobelievehimselfnothinglikeDalton,thereweresimilarities,andhe’dstoppedtryingtofight
them.Didheresentanyonewhointerferedwithhisplans?Yes.Washecompetitive?PerhapsnotasmuchasDalton,butthey
bothcravedperfectionineveryoneoftheirundertakings.Inaway,he’deven
Justforaverydifferentreason.
Clearingthediscomfortfromhisthroat,Julianmovedtothecoffeepotandpressedtheonbutton,thesoundsofitwarming
upfillingthequietkitchen.“Afternooncaffeineboost?”

“Countmein.”
Whileremovingmugsfromthecabinet,heobservedhissister,takingnoteofthebareringfingeronherlefthandandraisinganeyebrow.AtChristmas,she’demailedhimandCorinnetoinformthemofherengagementto“theTomBradyofinvesting.”
Haditbeencalledoff?
Nataliecaughthimnoticingherlackofhardwareandglared.“Don’task.”
“I’mgoingtoask.”
“Fine.”Shehoppedupontoastoolandcrossedherarms,mimickinghisearlierposture.“There’snolawthatsaysIhaveto
answer.”

“No,thereisn’t,”heagreed,gettingthemilkoutofthefridgeandtryingdesperatelynottopanicovertheminutesasthey
slippedaway,onebyone,rightthroughhisfingers.AssoonashedrankthiscupofcoffeeandsquaredtheNataliesituation
away,hewouldtacklehisafternoonschedule.Infact,hewouldaddextrawritingtimetoputhimselfahead.Julian’sshoulders
relaxedatthatreassurance.“Idon’tknowalotaboutthefinancialsector,butIknowit’stoocompetitiveinNewYorkto
simplytakeabreak.”

“Yes,it’spartofthedoctrine.Youdon’tleaveNewYorkCityfinanceunlessyoudieorgetfired,right?”Shegesturedto
herself.“Unlessyou’reaunicornlikemeandyou’revaluableenoughtoearnsomeleeway.I’mapartneratmyfirm,Julian.
Stophunting.Ijustwantedavacation.”

“Andyoucamehere.”Hepausedforemphasis.“Torelax.”

“Isthatnotwhatpeopledohere?Inthelandofendlesswine?”
“Otherpeople,maybe.”
Herarmsdroppedheavilytohersides.“Justmakethecoffeeandshutup.”
Juliangaveheradubiouslookbeforeturningbackaroundanddoctoringthemugswithmilk,plusonesugarforNatalie.Unlessshe’dchangedherorderinthelastfouryears,that’showshetookit.Whenhesetitdowninfrontofherandshesippedwithoutcomment,flickinghimareluctantlygratefulglance,heguessedheridealformularemainedthesame.
ItsurprisedJulianthatheexperiencedatugofcomfortinthat.Knowingthewayhissistertookhercoffee.Theyweren’t
close.Twiceayear,theyexchangedemailstowisheachotherahappybirthdayandamerryChristmas.Unlesshismotherneeded
toinformthemofthedeathofarelative,theirlineofcommunicationwasprettyinactive.Shouldn’tshehavecontactedthem
aboutherengagementbeingcalledoff?Withthreethousandmilesbetweenthem,heneverstoppedtowonderabouthissister’s
personalrelationships.Butnow,asshesatinfrontofhimclearlytryingtooutrunsomething,thelackofknowledgewas
aholeinhisgut
“Howlongareyoustaying?”
Themugpausedonthewaytohermouth.“Idon’tknowyet.”Herattentionslippedoverhim.“Sorry.Iknowunquantifiedtime
givesyouheartburn.”

“It’sfine,”hesaidstiffly.
“Isit?”Shestaredintohercoffee.“Lasttimewewerehere—”
“Isaidit’sfine,Natalie.”
Hissister’smouthsnappedshut,butsherecoveredquickly.Evenfasterthanhecouldbegintofeelguiltyforbeingharsh.
“So…”Shetookadeepbreathandexhaled,somewhatunevenly.“Haveyouhadanyheartwarmingencounterswithourmother
yet?”

“Perhapsnotheartwarming,”Corinnesaidfromthekitchenentrance,arrivalunannounced.“Butpositiveandproductive.That’s
whatweaimforhere,isn’tit?”

JuliannoticedthebarestflashofhurtinCorinne’seyes.Overhissisterarrivingwithoutwarning?Orheroffhandedsarcasmabouttheirheartwarmingrelationship?Itwasn’tlikehismothertobe,oratleastappeartobe,upsetoveranything.NatalieandJulian’sstiffupperlipsweregenetic,afterall.AfterhisconversationwithHalliethismorning,itwaseasiertonoticeachinkinCorinne’sarmor,however.Notonlynow,butthelasttimeshe’dstoppedby,too.
Wasthevineyardintrouble?WouldCorinneletthefamilybusinessfadeintoobscurity,ratherthanrequestahelpinghand?
Hewasalmostafraidtoask.TofindoutifshehadthesameuseforhimasDalton.Namely,none.Sure,she’daskedhimto
participateinafestival,butthatwasfarfromhands-on.Thatwasmerelyforthecameras.

“Sinceyou’rehere,Natalie,I’llextendthesameinvitationImadetoJulian.WineDownNapatakesplaceinaweek.Alittle
Vosrepresentationwon’thurt.WillyoubeinSt.Helenalongenoughtoattend?”

NomovementfromNatalie,saveathickswallow.“Probably.”
Corinneprocessedthatinformationwithatightnod.“Lovely.I’llmakesureyou’reissuedabadge.”Shefoldedherhands
atherwaist.“Pleasetryandrememberthewineattheseeventsismainlyforthepayingattendees,Natalie.”

“Thereitis.”Natalielaughed,slidingoffherstoolandbattingatthewrinklesinherpants.“Itonlytookyouforty-five
secondstoputmeinmyplace.”Julian’ssistersplitavenomouslookbetweenhimandhismother.“I’mthirtynow.Canwe
allgetpastthefactthatIrebelledalittlebitasateenager?”

“Alittlebit?”Withabemusedexpression,Corinnetuckedsomehairintothebunatthenapeofherneck.“Alittlerebellingdoesn’tlandyouinrehabatseventeen.”
ColorinfusedNatalie’scheeks.“Yes,well,IlandedonmyfeetatCornell,didn’tI?”
“Notwithoutsomestrategicmaneuvering.”
“I’m…”Natalie’sheadofsteamwasdiminishingquickly.“Imadepartnerlastfall.”
Corinneeyedthesuitcase.“Andhowisthatgoing?”
“That’senough,”Juliansaidfirmly,hiscoffeemughittingtheisland.“Natalieshouldn’thavetoexplainherpresencein
herownhome.I’m…sorryImadeherdothat.Itendsnow.”

Natalie’sheadswiveledtowardhim,buthedidn’tmeethereyes.Forsomereason,hedidn’twanttoseehersurprisethat
he’ddefendedher.Onceuponatime,itwouldhavebeenagiven.Theymightnotbeconfidantsortheclosestofsiblings,
buthe’dofferedquietsupportforhissister.Atschool,athome.Hadn’the?

Whenhadheletthatpartoftheirrelationshipfallbythewayside?
Hissisterwasobviouslygoingthroughsomethingserious,andhefounditimpossibletoturnablindeyetothatnow,ashe’d
beendoingmoreandmoresincethey’deachleftSt.Helena.Hadn’thebeensowrappedupinhisworldthathe’dmissedthe
warningsignswithhiscolleagueGarth?Onedaytheywerediscussingquantumtheoryinthehall,andthenext,Garthwaslocked
inhisofficeandrefusingtocommunicatewithanyoneoutside.Itdidn’tappearthatNataliewasonthevergeofabreakdown,
butheshouldpayattention.

Bemorepresent.Moreempathetic.
Iwitnessedyourcharacterwhenyoudidn’tthinkanyonewaswatchinganditreallyinspiredhowI’vetreatedotherpeoplethroughoutmylife.
Unexpectedly,thatlinefromthesecretletterpoppedintohishead,andhementallyscoffeditaway.Thewholethingwas
aprank—andhewouldn’tthinkaboutitasecondmore.Itwasn’ttheletterthathadinspiredhimtostepupforNatalie.

WasitHallieandthewayshestaunchlydefendedtheownerofCorked,byfairmeansorfoul?
Thinkingofthegardener,heimmediatelycaughtawhiffofhersoilandsunshinescent.Haditbeenlingeringinthekitchen
sinceFridaynightorwasthathisimagination?Whathadthatimpulsive,curly-hairedbundleofenergydonetohim?

Whycouldn’thestopthinkingabouther?
Julianorderedhimselfbacktothepresent,wherehismotherandsisterwereeyeballingeachotheracrossthekitchen.Yes,
theVosfamilyhadtheirshareofissues—andhewasfarfromtheexception.

“Wasthereanythingelseeitherofyouneeded?”Julianasked,tight-lipped.“Ineedtoshowerandgettowork.”Heglanced
athiswatchandfelthispulseaccelerate.“I’malreadyfortyminutesbehindschedule.”

Nataliestaggereddramatically,grippingthehandleofhersuitcase.“Thekeeperoftimehathspoken!Tobeidleistosmite
hisholyname.”

Juliangaveheradead-eyedstare.Hissistersmiledback,whichwasoddandunexpected.Allbecausehe’dintervenedwith
theirmother?

Corinneclearedherthroat.“IonlycamedowntoletJulianknowthegardenerwillbebacktomorrow.”
Theduelingspikesofreliefandalarminhischestweredisturbingtosaytheleast.“She’scomingbackhere,then.”
“Yes,Ispokewithheronmywalkover.”Oblivioustohisimminentcoronary,Corinnegesturedtothesideofthehousefacing
thevineyard.“Ilikewhatshedidwiththebegonias.Theguesthouseisvisibleonthevineyardwalkingtour,youknow.I
shouldhavemademoreofanefforttogiveitsomeexteriorcharmbeforenow.”
“Istherenooneelseyoucanhiretoplantsomeflowers?”EvenasJulianposedthequestion,hewantedtotakeitback.Badly.
Didn’ttheyagreetobefriends,despitethesourtastethewordputinhismouth?Someoneelsedigginginthefrontyard
wouldjustbe…wrong.Verywrong.ButthethoughtofHalliecomingbackandtakingaWeedwackertohisitineraryunnerved
himagreatdeal.Unnervedandexcitedhim.Madetomorrowseemfaraway.

Inotherwords,nothingmadesenseanymore.
“ThereisoneothergardenerinSt.Helena.Owensomething,Ibelieve?”Corinnecheckedthescreenofherphone.“ButI’ve
alreadyhiredthegirl.”

SoOwenwasalsoagardener?

Someonewithherexactinterests.Weretheyreallyfriends?Orfriendswithbenefits?OrhadHalliesimplyreferredtoOwen
asherfriendtobeprofessional,whenthemanwasactuallyherboyfriend?

JesusChrist.
Afewbriefmeetingsandshe’dalreadyputhiminatailspin.
“Fine.I’lldealwithher,”hegrowled,asurprisingwaveofjealousycurdlingthecoffeeinhisstomach.“Isthereanythingelse?Wouldyouperhapsliketosendthehighschoolmarchingbandovertopracticeoutsidemywindow?”
“That’sall,”Corinnesaidsimply.ThentoNatalie,“Welcomehome.”
Natalieinspectedhernails.“Thankyou.”Shewheeledhersuitcaseoutoftheroomtowardtheguestroomontheoppositeside
ofthekitchenfromJulian’s.“Seeyoutwoaround.”

“Good-bye,”Corinnecalledbreezilyonherwayoutofthehouse.
LeavingJulianstandingaloneatthecounterwitharuinedscheduleandanothervisitfromtheultimatedistractiononthe
horizon.Whycouldn’thewait?“Fuck.”
ChapterEight
HallieshiftedthetruckintoparkinJulian’sdriveway,heartbeatwildasajackrabbit’s.Therehewas,stretchinginthe
frontyard.Deep,longmovementsthathadherheadtiltingtotherightunconsciouslybeforesherealizedit.Wow.She’dnever
seenthosekindofshortsbefore.Theyweregray.Loosesweatpantsmaterialthatstoppedjustabovetheknee,adrawstring
hangingdownoverthecrotch.Whichhadtobewhyhereyewascontinuallydrawnthere.Amongotherplaces.Hecouldhavecracked
walnutswiththosethighmuscles.Squeezedgrapesinthosebuttcheeks.Theywereonavineyard,afterall.

“Youshouldbelockedup,”Halliemuttered,forciblyclosinghereyes.
Afulldayhadpassedsinceshe’dlastseenhimand—goodnews—shehadn’tbeenslappedwitharestrainingorderyet.Which
wasgenerousofJulian,assuminghe’devenfoundtheletterinthefirstplace.Butthatwasthething—shehadnoidea.Andasthequeenofavoidance,shewouldrathernotknow.Sneakingaroundfortherestofherlifesoundedsomucheasier.

Whydidhehavetobestandingoutside?She’dtimedherarrivalwiththeendofhisrun,hopingshecoulddoherplantingwhilehewasintheshowerandskedaddleagainbeforeheeverknewshewasthere.Nowhewaswatchingherthroughthewindshieldwiththatimpeccablyraisedeyebrow.Becauseheknewshe’dwrittentheletterandfoundhercutelypathetic,likeapuppy?Becausehecouldn’tbelievethe
Actnatural.
Stopsmilinglikeyoujustgotyourtaxreturn.
You’restillwaving.It’sbeen,like,fifteensecondsofgesticulation.
Inherdefense,Julianwassweaty—andthatwouldturnanun’shead.Hiswhiteshirtwassodden,straightdownthemiddle,
plasteringthematerialtohischest.Withthesunbeatingdownonhim,shecouldseethroughthewhitecottontohisblack
chesthairandthehillsandvalleysofmusclesitdecorated.Godalmighty,celibacywasnolongerworkingoutforher.At
all.Avirgininheatiswhatshe’dbecome.

Shecouldnolongerdelaygettingoutofthetrucktofaceherfate.Thedogswereindoggydaycaretoday,soshecouldn’t
evenusethemasadiversion.Afewwordsoutofhismouthandshewouldknowwhetherornothe’dfoundandreadtheletter,
right?Maybehewasevenaccustomedtowomenprofessingtheiradmirationofhimandthiswouldbenobigdeal.Theycould
laughaboutit!Andthenshecouldgohome,curlup,anddie.

Halliealightedfromthetruckonshakylegs,loweringthereargate.
“Needsomehelp?”hecalled.
Didhemeanthepsychiatrickind?Ifso,thatwouldindicatehe’dreadherconfession.
Halliepeekedoverhershouldertofindhimcomingtowardherwithhisusualcommandinggrace,expressioninscrutable.Even
inhernervousstate,everystepthismantookinherdirectionturnedascrewinadifferentlocation.Deep,deepinher
belly.Betweenherlegs.Justabovethenotchatthecenterofhercollarbone.Washerdistressobvioustothenakedeye?
Itdidn’tappearso,sincehecontinuedtocomecloserinsteadofcallinganambulance.

Assoonasshewasalonewithherphone,shewouldgoogle,HowHornyisTooHorny?Thosesearchresultsoughttobeinteresting.

“Hi,Julian,”shesang.Tooloudly.
“Hello,Hallie,”Juliansaidseriously,scrutinizingherclosely.Wonderingifshewasthesecretadmirer?Orperhapsbeing
fullyawareofitalready?Forallsheknew,she’dsignedheractualnameatthebottom.“Whatareyouplantingtoday?”

Oh.Oh,sweetrelief.Thewindblewtheletteraway.
Eitherthatorhewasbeingextremelykind.
Thoseweretheonlytwooptions.Obviouslyhewasn’tinterestedinhernow,thankstothesloppyadmission.Thismanwouldonlyrespondtoasophisticatedapproachtoromance.Acolleague
introducinghimtoayoungprofessionalatagala.Somethinglikethat.Notaspewingofinfatuationscrawledintheback
ofaspiralnotebook.Andthatwasfine,becausethey’dagreedtobefriends,right?Yes.Friends.SothankGodfortheNapa
winds.

“Yourmotheraskedforcolor,sowe’regoingwithsomeflannelbush,”Halliesaid.“Thosearetheyellowfloweredplantsyouseeinthebedofmytruck.I’mgoingtocomebacktomorrowwithsomeBlackbeardPenstemon,too.”
“Thisisgoingtobeanongoing,long-termproject.”Henoddedonce.“Isee.”
“Yes.”Thetightnessatthecornersofhismouthmadeherheartsinkdowntoherknees.“Iknowyou’reworking.Iwon’tmake
alotofnoise.”

Henoddedagain.Thewindtrippedaroundthem,blowingacurlacrosshermouth,andhesurprisedHalliebyreachingforit.
Sheheldherbreath,lungsseizingalmostpainfully,buthestopped,drawinghishandbackatthelastsecondandshoving
itintohispocketwithalowcurse.“Andwhatarewegoingtodoaboutyou?”

Breathebeforeyoupassout.“Me?”

“Yes.”Thatwordhungsolongintheair,shesworeshecouldseetheoutlineofthosethreeletters.Y-E-S.“You’remore…
disruptivetomethanthedogs,”hesaid,almostsoquietlythatshedidn’thearhim.“Hallie.”

Thatgrindingsnapofhernamewastheequivalentoffingertipsrakingdownwardoverherbreasts.Washeadmittingtobeing
attractedtoher?Like,outloud?Betweenthatandhimalmosttouchingoneofhercurls,shewasinimminentdangerofpassing
outfromsheershockandhappiness.“Ican’tdoanythingaboutthat.Sorry,”shewhispered.“However,Iamnotsorrythat
IspentlastnightwatchingTimeMartiansOn.So,youreallybelievethegovernmentishidinganentireextraterrestrialcolonyinNewMexico?”

“Idonotbelieveanysuchthing,”hemurmured,leaningcloser.Socloseshewasbeginningtogrowdizzy.“AsIsaid,theywerevery
liberalwiththeeditingbutton.”

“You’redefinitelyonawatchlist,nonetheless,”shebreathed.
Hehummedinhisthroat.“Didit…makeyousmile?Watchingthedocumentary?”
Howcouldonemanbesomagnetic?“Somuchthatmyfacehurtafterward.”
Amusclepoppedinthehistoryprofessor’scheek.Hisrighthandflexedathisside.Andthenheforciblywithdrewfromthe
intimacyoftheirconversation.Soabruptlythatshealmoststaggeredunderthesuddenabsenceofit.“Good.”Helookedback
towardthehouse,speakingafterafewbeatsofsilence.“Iapologizeformymood.Mysister,Natalie,hasbecomemynewroommate.
Atthisrate,maybeitwouldbebetterifIrentedofficespaceintown.”

Sheswallowedherdisappointment.“Maybeitwouldbe.”
Hisattentionsliddowntohermouthandaway,leavingherpulserappinginhertemples.Drunkornot,she’dmeanteveryword
ofherletter.HerattractiontoJulianVoswastwiceaspotentasbefore,whenhe’dbeenjustamemory.Atwo-dimensional
personontheinternet.Thenhe’dgoneanddeliveredatop-notchprankcallandsavedherfromtheTweedTwit.Nowshecouldn’t
stopwonderingwhatelsehewashidingunderthesurface.

Shewantedtoknow.

Unfortunately,hefoundherpresencedisruptive.
Wherewasthelie?Butdidhefindherdistractinginasexyway?Ifso,heclearlydidn’twantthedistraction.Orperhaps…thetemptation.

Lord,tobeatemptationtoJulianVos.She’dthrowoutherentirebucketlist.
Assoonasshegotaroundtomakingone.
Wasitpossibleshedidtempthim?Thewayhecontinuedtocataloguedifferentregionsofherbody,seemingtogetstuckontheareajustaboveherknees,madeherwonderiftheanswerwasyes.Unlessthisburdensomehorninesswasplayingtricksonher.Entirelypossible.Latelyshe’dbeenfindingtheanglesofhergardeninghoemoreandmorecharming.
Flirtatious,even.
Agardeningtoolcouldnevermakeherheartracelikethis,though.Thewayithaddonewhenhestoodupforheratthescene
ofher—totallyjustified—UNCORKEDcrime.

Ifshe’supset,I’mupset.
Halliefoundherselfstaringintospaceattheoddesttimes,repeatingthosewords.Wonderinghowseriouslyhe’dmeantthem
orifhe’djustbeentryingtodefusethesituationasquicklyaspossible.Itscaredherhowmuchshewishedfortheformer.
Wishedforamanthisgoodandhonestandvalianttocareaboutherfeelings.Enoughtonotwantthemhurt.

ShewaitedforJuliantoleave,togobackintothehouse—andheseemedonthevergeofdoingsoatanysecond,buthenever
madethemove.Simplycontinuingtostudyherasifshewereariddle.“So…”Hallieclearedtherustfromherthroat.
“Natalie’svisitwasn’tplanned?”

Hescoffed,crossedhiswristsathisback.“No.Godforbidanyonehaveaplan.”
Ouch.Shewasdefinitelynotasexydistractiontohim.
“Hey,lookatme,”shesaidwithdeterminedsunniness.“Herebeforethekickoffofyourfanaticalwritingsessions.”
Hiseyesnarrowedslightly.“Didyouplanthat?”
“Uh…no.”Thatwouldmeanshe’dbeenpayingwaytoocloseattention.Heh.“Mydayjustkindofstarted…earlierthanusual.Asquirrelinthebackyardsetoffahowlingeventbeforethecrackofdawn,andIfiguredsinceIwasalreadyawake,mightaswellplantsomethings.”
“Andso,”hesaidinaveryprofessorialtone,“withoutthesquirrel’sintervention…”
“I’dhavebeenherearounddinnertime.”Sheheftedoneofthelargerbushes,takingamomenttosmellayellowbloom.“Between
noonandseven,atleast.”

“You’reamenace.”Hetookthebushfromherhands,jerkedhischinattherestofthelot,asiftosay,Icantakeanotherone.“No,Natalieshowedupoutoftheblue.Wedidn’tknowshewascominginfromNewYork.”Groovesformedoneithersideof
hismouthasheglancedbacktowardthehouse.“Shedidn’tseemtoknowshewascoming.”

“Didn’tsaywhy?”
“Abreakfromwork.Nofurtherdetails.”
Halliehidasmile,buthecaughtitandraisedaquestioningeyebrow.“Isitgnawingatyou?”sheasked.“Thevaguenessof
itall.”

“Thatsmilesuggestsyou’veansweredyourownquestion.”Again,hisgazedippedtohermouth,butthistimeitlingeredtwice
aslong.“Thenagain,you’reusuallysmiling.”

He’dnoticedhersmile?
“UnlessI’mmastermindingacheeseheist,”sheresponded,breathless.
“Yes,unlessthat,”hesaidquietly,browspullingtogether.“Thatmanhasn’tgonenearyouagain,hashe?”
Hisdangerous—almostprotective?—toneofvoicemadeherfingersdigintoherpalms.Inaway,he’dclaimedherasaresponsibility.
Someonetolookoutfor.BecausethatwasjustsototallyJulianVos,wasn’tit?Everyone’shero.Championofmen.“No.I
haven’tseenhim.”

“Good.”
Tryingandfailingnottofeelflustered,Halliepickeduptheotherbush,andtheywalkedtowardthefrontyard,sideby
side,theirshadowsstretchingonthegrasstohighlighttheirdifferenceinheight.Thecompanionablefeelingofcarrying
plantswithJulianmadefizzpopinHallie’sbloodstream.Man,ohman,shehaditsobad.Forasplitsecond,sheevenfelt
aniggleofregretthathewouldn’tseetheletter.Godknewshe’dneverhavethecouragetosaythosewordsinperson.

“Um.”Sheswallowed.“Yourmothermustbethrilledtohavebothofherchildrenhome,though.”
Ahumorlesslaugh.“Iguessyoucouldsayit’scomplicated.”
“Iknowalittleaboutcomplicatedrelationshipswithmothers.”
Hergaitfalteredslightly.Didshejustbringuphermother?Outloud?Maybebecauseshe’dbeenhavingdigital,one-sided
conversationswithJulian’sfaceonYouTubeforsolong,she’dforgottenthisonewasreal?Orperhapstalkingtohiminperson
seemedsurprisinglyeasierthanitwaswhenshefantasizedaboutthemridingthroughamistyvineyardonhorseback.Whatever
thecause,she’dsaidthewords.Itwasdone.Andshecertainlydidn’texpecthimtoturnwithsuchraptattention.Asif
she’dshockedhimwithsomethinglessthanteasingorsmalltalkaboutflowers.

“Howdoyouknow?”heasked,settingdownthebushes.Hetookhersandputitontheground,aswell.“Doesyourmotherlive
inSt.Helena?”

“Shegrewuphere.Afterhighschool,sheranawaytoLosAngeles.That’swhereIwas…”Herfaceheated,definitelyturned
red,andhewatcheditallhappenwithasmall,fascinatedsmile.“Iwasconceivedthere.Apparently.Nofurtherdetails.”

“Thevaguenessofitall,”hesaid,echoingherearlierwords.
“Yes,”shesaidonabigbreath.“Shetriedraisingmeonherown.Wecamehere,fromtimetotime,whensheneededtorecharge.
Orlongenoughtosoftenupmygrandmotherintoloaninghersomemoney.Thenwe’dbeoffagain.ButbythetimeIreached
highschool,shefinallyadmittedIwouldbebetteroffhere.Istillseehereverycoupleofyears.AndIloveher.”Hallie
wishedshecouldrubatthediscomfortinherthroatbutdidn’twanthiminterpretingtheaction.Orchalkingituptopain
thathadbeenbuildingoveralifetime.“Butit’scomplicated.”

AlowgruntfromJulian.“WhydoIgetthefeelingyou’vegivenmetheCliffsNotes?”
“MaybeIhave.MaybeIhaven’t.”Hallietriedtosmile,butitwobbled.“Thevaguenessofitall,”shetackedoninanalmost
whisper.

Julianstaredatherlongenoughthatshestartedtofidget.
“What?”shefinallyprompted.
Heshifted,drawingthoselongfingersthroughhishair,stillsweatyandwindsweptfromhisrun.“Iwasthinking,inorder
tomakethisanevenexchange,maybeIshouldgiveyoutheCliffsNotesversionofwhytheVosfamily,orwhat’sleftofit
inNapa,iscomplicated.”

“What’sstoppingyou?”
Mystifiedeyesflickeredoverherface,herhair.“ThefactthatI’vecompletelylosttrackoftime.AndIdon’tdothat.
Notaroundanyonebutyou,apparently.”

Halliehadnoideahowtorespond.Couldonlystandthereandsavortheinformationthatshemadethismanforgetthemost
importantcomponentofhisworld.Andhow…thatcouldeitherbeagreatthingorliterallytheworstpossiblething.

“Makesmewonderhowlongyoucouldmakeme…”Hedraggedthatbottomlipthroughhisteethwhileseeminglytransfixedbythepulseonherneck.“Losetrackoftime.”
Thatpulsespeduplikeasportscaronanopenroad.“Ihavenoidea,”shemurmured.
Hetookastepcloser,thenanother,amusclebunchinginhischeek.“Hours,Hallie?Days?”Arawsoundgroundupfromhis
throat,onehandliftingtorunasinglefingerdownthesideofherneck.“Weeks.”

DoIjustjumphimnow?Whatwasthealternateoption?Becauseherthighswereactuallytremblingundertheonslaughtofhisfullintensity.That
exploringgaze.Hisdeep,frustratedtoneofvoice.Beforeshecouldfullyconvinceherselftheyweretalkingaboutthesame
thing—sex,right?—behindher,ashoutwentupfromthevineyardandtheybothturned,watchingthetopsofseveralheadsmove
downthehorizontalrows,allgatheringinoneplace.

SheturnedbacktoJulianandfoundhimfrowning,hischestliftingandfallingalotfasterthanusual.“Lookslikethey’re
havingaproblem,”hesaidhoarsely,clearinghisthroat.Afterthat,heseemedtohesitate,thoselongfingersflexing.“I
shouldseeiftheyneedhelp.”

Nothinghappened.Hedidn’tmove.Theshoutingcontinued.
Hallieshookherselffreeofthelingeringneedtogetupcloseandpersonalwiththeapparentgame-changinginventionof
sweatpantsshorts.Didheseemuncertainaboutwalkingintohisownfamilyvineyard?Why?“Icancomewithyou,”sheoffered,
notsurewhy.Onlythatitfeltliketherightthingtodo.

Thoseeyescuttohers,held,asheinclinedhishead.“Thankyou.”
***
WhenHallieandJulianapproachedthegroupofmen—andonewoman—amongthevines,everyheadswiveledintheirdirection.
Conversationceasedforseveralseconds.

“Mr.Vos,”blurtedoneofthemen,thetanofhischeeksdeepening.“Sorry.Werewebeingtooloud?”
“Notatall,Manuel,”Juliansaidquickly,flashinghimareassuringsmile.Silencefellagain.SolongthatHallielooked
upatJulianandfoundhisjawinabunch,hiseyeswanderingovertherowsofgrapes.“Itjustsoundedlikesomethingwas
wrong.CanIdoanythingtohelp?”

ManuellookedhorrifiedatJulian’soffer.“Ohno.No,wehaveitundercontrol.”
“Thedestemmerisbrokenagain,”thewomansaid,givingManuelanexasperatedlook.“Damnthingbreaksonceaweek.”Manuel
buriedhisheadinhishands.“What?Itdoes!”

“DoesCorinneknowaboutthis?”Julianasked,frowning.
“Yes.”Manuelhedged.“Icanfixthedestemmer,butwe’realreadyshort-staffed.Wecan’tloseonemorepersonouthere.These
grapesneedtocomeoffthevinetodayorwewon’tstayonschedule.”

“Corinneisstressedenough,”saidthewoman,whippingahandkerchieffromherpocketandswipingsweatfromherbrow.“We
don’tneedanotherdelay.”

“Mymotherisstressed,”Julianrespondedtightly.“That’snewstome.”
Justlikeyesterday,whenshe’dinformedJulianoftheslowdeclineofVosVineyard,Halliecouldseethathetrulyhadno
idea.He’dbeenkeptcompletelyinthedark.Why?

“Icancallmysonhomefromsummerschool—”startedManuel.
“No,don’tdothat,”Julianbrokein.“I’llpickthegrapes.Justshowmewheretostart.”Noonemovedforlongmoments.
UntilJulianpromptedManuel,theapparentvineyardmanager.“Manuel?”

“Uh…sure.Thankyou,sir.”Hestumbledinacircle,makingahastygestureatoneoftheothermen.“Whatareyouwaiting
for?GetMr.Vosabucket.”

“I’lltakeone,too,”Halliepipedupautomatically,shruggingwhenJuliangaveherameasuringlook.“Iwasgoingtospend
thedayinthedirtanyway,right?”

Hisattentionflickereddowntoherknees.“Ithinkyoumeaneveryday.”
“Careful,”shereturned.“OrI’llpinchyourgrapes.”
Manuelcoughed.Thewomanlaughed.
ItwastemptingtogoonstaringintoJulian’seyesallday,especiallynow,whentheyweresparklingwiththatelusivehumor,
butManuelgesturedforthemtofollow,andtheydid,trailingbehindhimseveralyardsintothevines.“Thisiswherewe
leftoff,”Manuelsaid,gesturingtoahalf-pickedsection.“Thankyou.We’llhavethedestemmerupandrunningintimefor
thegrapestocomein.”

“Noneedtothankus,”Juliansaid,hunkeringdowninfrontofthevines.Hestaredatthemthoughtfullyforamoment,then
glancedbackatManuel.“Maybewecouldsitdownlaterandyoucouldletmeknowwhatelsearoundthevineyardneedsattention.”

Manuelnodded,hisshouldersdroopingslightlywithrelief.“Thatwouldbegreat,Mr.Vos.”
Themanagerleft,andtheygottowork,whichshewouldhavedonemuchfasterifJulianVoswasn’tkneelingbesideherinsweatyclothing,withabristlyjaw,hislong,incrediblefingerswrappingaroundeachgrapeandtugging.Lord,didsheexperiencethattugeverywhere.
Hideyourgardeningtools.
“Thequalityofthesegrapesisnotwhatitshouldbe.They’veovercropped,”Juliansaid,removingaclusterofgrapesfrom
thevineandholdingitouttoHallie.“Seethelackofmaturationinthecane?Theyweren’tgivenroomtobreathe.”

Hisprofessorvoicesoundedsodifferentoutintheopenlikethis,asopposedtopumpingfromherlaptopspeakers.“Hey,
Ijustdrinkthewine,”shemurmured,wettingherlips.“Idon’tknowtheintimatedetails.”Hehadthenervetosmirkat
herwhileaddingthegrapeclustertohisbucket.“Youareoneofthoseprofessorswhogivesatestreviewthatcoversnothing
thatendsupbeingontheactualtest,aren’tyou?”

Hisgazezippedtoher,withsomethingclosetosurprisedamusement.“Theentirebodyofmaterialshouldbestudied.”
“Ithoughtso,”shedrawled,tryingnottoletitshowhowflushedandsensitivehisattentionmadeherskin.“ClassicJeopardy!enthusiastmove.”

Hechuckled,andshecouldn’thelpbutmarvelathowdifferenthelookedinthissetting.Atfirst,he’dbeentense,buthe
relaxedthelongertheymoveddowntherowintandem,pluckinggrapesfromtheirhomes.“Whatdidyoudoafterhighschool?”
heaskedher.

“Stayedrighthere.WenttoNapaValleyCollege.Bythen,mygrandmotherhadalreadymademeaco-ownerofBecca’sBlooms,
soIneededtostayclose.”

Hehummed.“Anddidyouhaveprofessorslikemeinschool?”
“Idoubtthereareanyprofessorsexactlylikeyou.ButIcouldusuallytellonthefirstdayofasemesterwhichclassesIwouldbedropping.”

“Really.How?”
Halliesatbackonherhaunches.“Crypticcommentsaboutbeingprepared.Orunderstandingthefullscopeofthecoursematerial.That’showIknewtheirtestswouldtrytotrickus.Alsothattheyweremostlikelysadistsintheir
sparetime.”

Hislaughterwassounexpected,Hallie’smouthfellopen.
She’dneverheardhimlaughbefore—notlikethat.Sorichandresonantanddeep.Itappearedhe’dstartledhimself,too,because
heclearedhisthroatandquicklyreturnedhisattentiontothevine.“It’ssafetosayyouwouldhavedroppedmyclass.”

Sheshiftedonherkneesbesidehim,stillawashinthesoundofhislaughter.“Probably.”
Yeah,right.She’dhavesatfrontandcenterinthefirstrow.
“Morelikely,Iwouldhavedroppedyouthetenthtimeyoushoweduplate.”
Nowitwasherturntosmirk.“Actually,Imanagedtomakeittomostofmyclassesontime,obviouslywithsomeexceptions.
Itwas…easierbackthen.Mygrandmotherwasn’tastrictperson,butshe’dcrossherarmsandlooksternwhileIset
myalarm.ImadetheeffortbecauseIcouldn’tstanddisappointingher.”

Therestofherexplanationhungunspokenintheairbetweenthem.
Showingupontimenolongermattered,becauseshehadnoonetodisappoint.
Noonebutherself.
Thatthoughtmadeherfrown.
“Ithelpsmetowritemyscheduledown,too,”hesaid.“Iwouldhavelikedher.”
“Whathappenswhenyoudon’twritedownyourplans?”sheasked,surprisedtoseehisfingerspausemidair,thelineofhis
jawturningbrittle.“Doyoustill…keepthemasusual?Ordoesnotseeingthemonpaperthrowyoucompletelyofftrack?”

“Well,Idefinitelydidn’thavepickinggrapesonmyscheduletodayandIseemtobedoingfine.”Inonefluidmotion,they
crabwalkedtotherightandcontinuedpicking.Theactionwassoseamless,theytradedafleetinglookofsurprise,butneither
oneofthemaddressedtheirapparentgrape-harvestingchemistry.“Schedulesarevitaltome,”hecontinuedamomentlater.
“ButI’mnottotallythrownoffbyadeviation.It’smorewhenthingssortof…movebeyondtheboundsofmycontrolthat
Idon’t…maintainthecourse.”

“Ihopeyou’renotrevealingyourrage-controlproblemwhilewe’realoneinthemiddleofthisvineyard.”
“Ragecontrol,”hescoffed.“It’snotlikethat.It’smoreofanattackofnerves.Followedbysortoftheopposite.Ijust…
checkout.Inthiscase,Ididitwhenmyfamilyneededmemost.”

Panicattacks.That’swhatJulianwasgettingat.Anditwastellingthathecouldn’tcallthembytheirpropername.Was
hesimplyirritatedbysomethinghesawasaweaknessorwasheindenial?

“Thatmustbewhyyourcolleague’sbreakdownaffectedyousomuch,”shesaid,worriedshewasoverstepping,butunabletohelpit.Notwhentheyweresidebysidelikethis,hiddenfromtherestoftheworldbysix-footvines,andshewantedsobadlytoknowtheinnerworkingsofhismind,thismanshe’dbeenfascinatedbyforsolong.Hewasnothinglikesheexpected,either,buthisflawsdidn’tdisappointheratall.Theyactuallymadeherlessself-conscious.Less…aloneinherownshortcomings.
“Yes,Isupposeso,”hesaid,finally.Justwhenshethoughtthesubjectwasclosed,hecontinued,thoughthewordsdidn’t
seemtocomenaturally.“Myfather’sheadwouldexplodeifheknewIhadmyhandsonthesegrapes,”hemuttered.“Hedoesn’t
wantmeanywhereneartheoperationofthewinery.BecauseofwhatIjusttoldyou.”

Ittookherafulltensecondstograsphismeaning.“Becauseof…anxiety?”
Heclearedhisthroatloudlybywayofanswering.
“Julian…”Herhandsdroppedtoherbentthighs.“That’sthesinglemostridiculousthingI’veeverheardinmylife.”
“Youdidn’tseeme.Thatnight.Thefire.Whatcameafter.”Heusedhisshouldertowipeawayabeadofsweat,remainingsilent
foramoment.“He’swellwithinhisrightstoaskmetokeepadistance.Thismorning,thedestemmerbreaksdown,tomorrow
therewillbealostshipmentandanangryvendorpullingout.Thisisnotforsomeonewithmytemperament,andhedidthe
hardthingbypointingitout.”

“Whathappenedthenightofthefire?”
“I’drathernot,Hallie.”
Shetampeddownherdisappointment.“That’sfine.Youdon’thavetotellme.But,look,youhandledthebrokendestemmerjust
fine.Youfilledtheneedasefficientlyasyoudoeverythingelse.”Okay,itsoundedlikeshe’dbeenpayingwaytoomuch
attention.Sortoflikeasecretadmirermight?“Or,atleast,that’showyouseemtome.Efficient.Thoughtful.”Sheswallowed
thewildflutterinherthroat.“Heroic,even.”

Thankfully,hedidn’tappeartopickuponthenotesofswooningadmirationinhervoice.Instead,atrenchformedbetweenhiseyebrows.“Ithinkmymothermightneedhelp.Ifshedoes,she’snotgoingtoaskforit.”Hepulleddownagrapecluster,studyingitwithwhatshecouldonlyassumewasanexperteye.“Butmyfather…”
“Isn’there.”Shenudgedthebuckettowardhim.“Youare.”
HescrutinizedHallie.Andwentrightonlookinguntilshefelthercolorrising.Heseemedalmostsurprisedthatgetting
theworryoffhischesthadn’tbeenawasteoftime.

Whenthequiethadstretchedtoolong,Halliesearchedforawaytofillit.“It’sfunny,youknow?We’rebothshackledby
theseparentalexpectations,butwe’redealingwiththemintotallyoppositeways.Youplaneverythingdowntotheminute.
Theverypeakofadultresponsibility.MeanwhileI…”

“Youwhat?”heprompted,watchingherclosely.
Hallieopenedhermouthtoofferanexplanation,butitgotstuck.Likeoneofthoseking-sizedgumballs,trappedbehindher
jugular.“I,um…”Shecoughedintothebackofherwrist.“Well,Iguessunlikeyou,I’mkindofself-destructive,aren’t
I?IcalmeddownalotforRebecca.Becauseofher.Don’tgetmewrong,I’veneverbeenwellorganized.Neverownedaplannerinmylife.Butlately,IthinkmaybeI’ve
beenintentionallygettingmyselfintomesses…”

Secondspassed.“Why?”
“SoIdon’thavetoslowdownandthinkabout…”WhoIamnow.WithoutRebecca.Whichversionofmyselfistherealone.“Whichstyleofnecklacetowear,”shesaidonalaughingexhale,gesturingtotheeclecticcollectionaroundherneck.Therewasnochancehewasbuyingthewayshemadelightoftheirdiscussion,butthankfully,hejuststudiedherinthatquiet,discerningway,insteadofproddinghertoelaborate.Shecouldn’tevenifshewantedto.Notwiththesetroublingrevelationsstillsofreshinherhead.“Iguesswebetterfinishup,”shemuttered.“IhaveafewotherappointmentstodaythatI’mconsideringkeeping.”
“Thereyougo.Alreadyturningoveranewleaf,”hesaidquietly,humorflickeringinhiseyes—andsomethingmore.Something
thathadhislidsgrowingheavy,hisfocussinkingtohermouth.Thenotchofherthroat.Herbreasts.Shewouldnormally
takeoffensetothat,exceptwhenthisverydisciplinedmancheckedheroutinappropriately,asifhecouldn’thelpitto
savehislife,hervaginawastheoppositeofoffended.

Ifsheleanedafewinchestotheleft,theywould?Could?Kiss?
Weren’ttheyabouttokisswhentheywereinterrupted?Orhadsheimaginedit?
Despitehersadlackofmake-outpartnersthroughoutherlife,shecouldtellhewasconsideringit.Very.Strongly.They’d
givenupanypretenseofharvestinggrapes,andhe’dwethislips.Holyshit.Thishadtobeafeverdream,right?

She’dhadplentyofthosestarringthisman.
“IfIregretonethingaboutnothavingadirecthandinmakingwineatthisvineyard…”Heleanedin,lettingoutalong,
heavybreathintoherhair.“It’sthatIcan’twatchyoudrinkaglassofVoswineandknowmyeffortsaresittingonthat
tongue.”

OhmyGod.OhmyGod.Goosebumpsmadetheirpresenceknownoneveryinchofherskin,herbloodturninghotandlanguid.Definitelynotadream.
Shecouldn’thavecomeupwiththatlinetosaveherlife.“Imean…”Hervoicewobbled.“Wecouldpretend.”

“Asfriends,right,Hallie?”Hislipsbrushedherear.“Isthatwhatyousuggestedtome?”
“Yes.Technically.”
“MyfriendwhoIthinkaboutatnightinherpolkadotbra.Thatfriend?”
Wow.Newfaveundergarment.
Focus.Don’tgetpulledunder.Therewasareasonshe’dsuggestedfriendship,right?Yes.“Youneedcontrolandpunctuality.”His
teethclosedaroundherear,bitlightlyandlickedthespot,leavinghermoaning,herfingersitchingtorubhersensitive
nipplesthroughthefrontofhershirt.“I’mlikealeafblowertothosethings.”

“Oh,I’mwellaware.IwishIcouldrememberthatwhenIlookatyou.”
Hallie’searsechoedwiththebeatsofhertwistingheart.Howcouldshedoanythingbutkissthismanwhowasequallyincredible
inthepastandpresent?How?

Sheturnedherheadslightlytotheleft,andhismouthskatedacrosshercheek,gettingcloser.Thiswasit.Finally.She
wasgoingtokissJulianVos,andhewasevenbetterthanhermemory.Buttherewassomethingaboutthesettingthattugged
hardathermemory.Thelasttimethey’dalmostkissedwasrighthereinthisveryvineyard—amomentthathadruinedherforever.
Andhedidn’tevenrecallit.Still.
Didn’tshehavemorepridethantopuckerupafterhe’dimpliedwithoutwordsthatshewassoforgettable?Yes.Shedid.Nottomention…shewasreelingalittlebitafterhertripdownSelf-DiscoveryLane.Herframeofmindwasscattered.Enoughtoactincharacteranddosomethingshemightpossiblyregret.LikegiveintoherattractiontoJulianwhileherdisappointmentoverhislackofmemorystilljabbedsharplyupwardbeneathherskin.Afteracknowledgingtherootofherrecentbehavior,shewastooawareofthosefaultstoindulgethemnow.Ifhejustrememberedher,maybeshecouldjustifyturningherheadthatfinalinch.

Meetinghispartedlipswithherown.
ButwhileheregardedherwithenoughlusttopowerCanada,therewasn’tanyoftherecognitionsheneededtomakethisokay.
Furthermore…shedidn’tknowifshewantedtobethisman’sleafblower.Anykindofrelationshipwithherwouldbebad
forhim,wouldn’tit?Evenifitwasstrictlyphysical.Didshewanttobebadforhim?

“Ibettergo,”shesaid,questioningherdecisionmorewitheverypassingsecond,especiallywhenthefingersofhisleft
handcurledinthedirt.Asifrestraininghimselffromreachingforher.“Seeyousoon,Julian.”

“Yes,”herasped,visiblyshakinghimself.“Thankyouforthehelp.”
“Ofcourse.”Halliestartedtopickherwaydowntherow,buthesitated,lookingbacktofindtheprofessorwatchingherfrom
beneathtwodrawnbrows.Thelastthingshewantedwastowalkawayandleavethingsawkwardorheavy,whentalkingtohim
hadunlockedsomethingbig.Whenhe’dsharedsomuchwithherinreturn.“Hey,Julian?”

“Yes?”
Shehesitatedforabeat,beforeblurting,“AbrahamLincolnhadanxiety.Panicattacksraninhisfamily.”
Hisexpressiondidn’tchange,butheshiftedslightly.“Wheredidyoulearnthat?”
“Jeopardy!,”sheanswered,smirking.

Alaughcrashedoutofhim.Thatwastwointhespaceofoneafternoon.Sheheldittoherchestlikeacozysweater,sortofwishingshe’dletgoofherprideandkissedhimafterall.Whatwasshegoingtodoaboutherfeelingsforthisman?“Youwatch?”heasked.
Sheturnedandwalkedaway,callingoverhershoulder,“I’vecaughtitonceortwice.”
Hischucklewaslowerthistime,butshecouldfeelhisgazeonherback,followingheroutofthevines.
***
Julianfeltdifferentwhenhewalkedintotheguestroombathroomlatethatafternoon.Notbotheringtoturnonthelight,
hestoppedinfrontofthemirrorandobservedhimselfstreakedindirtandsweatfromhoursspentharvestinggrapes.The
sun’smuffledshinethroughthefrostedglasswindowbacklithisbody,sohecouldbarelyseehisownshadowedexpression.
Onlyenoughtoknowitwasunfamiliar.Acrossbetweensatisfiedathavingsunkhisfingersintothesoilofthefamilyland
forthefirsttimeinyears…andhaggardwithhunger.

“Hallie,”hesaid,floatinghernameintothesilentbathroom.
Hethickenedsofastinhisbriefsthathisdirt-cakedhandscurledintofistsonthesink.Squeezed.Withajerkymotion,
heturnedonthefaucet,andafteraddingseveralpumpsofsoap,hescrubbedtheearthfromhispalms,knuckles,forearms.
Butevenwatchingthesoilcirclethedrainremindedhimofthegardenerandherdirtyknees.Handsthatalwayslookedfresh
fromplantingsomething.Thepolkadotbrathatremainedpristineandprotectedinsideofhershirt…andhowshe’dlook
strippingitoffafteralongday.

“Fuck.Notagain.”
Evenasheissuedthatdenial,histeethwereclenched,hisbreathscomingfasterandfoggingupthemirror.Hisbraindidn’tissueanordertoshovedownthewaistbandofhisfilthysweatpantsshorts,hishandssimplyknewbeatingoffwasinevitablewhenthepolkadotbracameintoplay.God,theironythatsomethingsofrivolouscouldliterallymakehimpantwasgalling—buthisdickdidn’tcare.Itstrainedfreeofhiswaistband,andhegrippedithard,bitingoffamoan.
ApparentlyJulianwasn’thalfasevolvedashe’dbelievedhimselftobe,becausehisfantasiesaboutHalliewereincreasingly
sexist.Inawaythatwasunforgivable.Thistime,shewasstrandedonthesideoftheroadwithaflattireandnoideahow
tochangeit.Shealmostdefinitelyhadthatknowledgeinreallife.Didhisdickwanttohearit?Hellno.

ItjustwantedthatrewardofHalliesighinginreliefashewrestledthesparetireoutofhertrunkandjackeduphervehicle,
dogsandall.

No,wait,thedogsareathome.It’squiet,exceptforthesoundofhimtighteningthelugnuts.Sheleansagainstthetruck
innothingbutthatpolkadotbraandjeanshorts,watchinghimworkandsmiling.
Christ,yes.She’ssmiling.
Juliangroanedwhilementallypicturingthoseunbelievablelipsspreadingintohercheerfulgrin,proppingaforearmagainst
themirrorandburyinghisfaceinthecrookofhiselbow,hisoppositehandmovinginhardstrokes,thebaseofhisspine
alreadybeginningtogatherandjolt.Itwasn’tevenfunnyhowhardhewasgoingtocome.HowhardheclimaxedeverytimehegaveintohisinfatuationwithHallie.

Infatuation.
That’swhatthiswas.
Infatuationwaswhy,inhisfantasy,heimaginedherrunningtohim,throwingherarmsaroundhisneckandthankinghimbreathlessly,hertitsbarelycontainedinsidethebranow.Justbareandbouncyagainsthischest,her
handexploringthefrontofhispants,hereyeswideningwithappreciationatthelengthofhim,herfrillybrajustkind
ofdisintegratingintotheetherofhisdaydream.Alongwiththejeanshorts.Stillsmiling.
Shewasstillsmilingashetookthosegeneroustitsinhishandsandguidedthemtohismouth,oneatatime,suckingherhardeningnipplesandlisteningtoherwhimperhis
name,herfingersclumsilyyankingdownhiszipper.
“Please,Julian,”shepurred,jackinghimoff,mimickinghisincreasinglyfranticmovementsoverthebathroomsink.“Don’t
makemewaitforthis.”
“Aslongasthisisn’toutofgratitudeforchangingyourtire,”heraspedback,makingapitifulattempttopreventhisfantasy
selffromditchingethicsaltogether.“Onlybecauseyou’rehotforit.Onlybecauseyouwantit.”
“Iwantit,”shemoaned,archingherbackagainstthetruck.“No,Ineedyou.”
“Igiveyouwhatyouneed,doI?”
“Yes,”shewhispered,twistingablondcurlaroundherfinger.“Youmakemehappy.”
Lightsout.Nomatterwherethefantasiesstarted,heknewonlyprecioussecondswereleftwhenshesaidthosewords.Youmakemehappy.Hisharshinhalesandexhalesfillingthebathroom,hementallystoopeddown,liftedhernakedbodyagainstthesideofthetruck,andenteredherwithagrunt,watchingherfacetransformwithtotaleuphoria—thiswashisdream,afterall—herpussypulsing,grippinghimniceandtight.Slippery.Heaven.“Suchagoodgirl.Sofuckingwet,”hepraisedinherear,becauseeventheimaginaryversionofthiswomandeservedworship,especiallywhenhe
wasdrivingintohersohard,theencroachingorgasmputtinghimonthatdesperateedge.“Ifthiswasreallife,sweetheart,
I’dtakebettercareofyouthanthis.”
“Iknow,”shegasped,hercurlsandtitsandnecklacesshaking,movingwithher,partofher.“Butit’sadream,sobeas
roughasyouwant.”
“AsifIcouldhelpitwhenyoumakemefeellikeI’mgoingtofuckingdieatanysecond.UnlessI’minsideyou.UnlessI’mascloseaspossibletothatsmile,thatvoice,your…sunlight.”
Julianchokedonthattruthintothecrookofhiselbow,strokingfastenoughtobreakthesoundbarrier,picturingHallie’s
legsaroundhiships,herheadthrownbackinathroatycallofhisname,herpussycinchingupwithanorgasm,theirmouths
latchedtogetherwhilehejoinedherwithafinalramofhiships,impalinghermaddeningbodytothetruck.

“I’dmakeyoucomejustlikethis.Hardandwild.That’snotafuckingdream,doyouunderstandme?”
“Yes,”shesaidonashakyrushofbreath,stilltremblingagainsthim,evenwhilesheblinkedupathimwithasweepofeyelashes.
“JustlikeI’mmakingyoucomerightnow.”
Asizzleinhisloinswasfollowedbyatrapdooropening,allofthepressureandsexualfrustrationescaping.Hedughis
teethintothemuscleofhisforearm,thetensionthathadbeencoilingleavinghiminsharpwaveswhilehestillthought
ofher.Thoseeyesandbreastsandfilthyknees.

Juliancouldn’tstopthinkingofherwhenitwasover,either—andhewasbeginningtowonderifamoment’speacefromthecaptivatinggardenerwasnothingmorethanwishfulthinking.
***
Thatevening,Halliewalkedintoherhouseandstoppedjustinsidethedoor,seeingthemessthroughfresheyes.Ithadn’t
alwaysbeenlikethis.NotwhenRebeccawasalive.Notevenimmediatelyfollowingherdeath.Sure,Hallie’sheartbeatnaturally
spelledouttheword“clutter”inMorsecode,butthedisorganizationwasnearlyahazardnow.Precariousstacksofmailand
paperwork.Laundrythatwouldneverseetheinsideofherdresser.Dogparaphernaliagalore.

HermindwasstillstuckinthevineyardwithJulian,replayingtheirconversationoverandover.
I’mkindofself-destructive,aren’tI?
IthinkmaybeI’vebeenintentionallygettingmyselfintomesses…
SoIdon’thavetoslowdownandthinkabout…
Anything,really.Wasn’tthatthetruth?Aslongasthewhirlwindoftroublecontinuedtospin,shewouldn’thavetofigure
outhowtomoveforward.Andaswho?AsHallie,thedutifulgranddaughter?Asoneofthemanypersonalitiescraftedbyher
mother?Orwassheaversionofherselfshehadn’ttrulygottentoknowyet?

Onlyonethingwasforcertain.WhenshewastalkingtoJulianinthevineyard,shedidn’tfeelasalone.Infact,everything
insideofherhadquietedandshe’dseenthesourceofherproblem,evenifshehadnoearthlycluehowtosolveit.Thestrict
controlJuliankeptonhimselfhadgroundedher,too,inthosestolenmoments…andshewantedmoreofthem.

IttookHallieagoodfifteenminutestofindthenotebookshe’dpurchasedinthestationeryshop,thankstotheGeneralpartiallyburyingitinthebackyard.Andanothertenminutestolocateapenthatwasn’toutofink.Shestartedoffwritingato-dolist,butstalledoutalmostimmediatelyafterwritingCleanOutRefrigeratorandCancelSubscriptionsforPhoneAppsYouAreNoLongerUsing.Whatshereallywantedwastobebackinthevineyard,talkingtoJulian.Therewassomethingabouthisdirectness,the
intentwayhelistened,andhisownwillingnesstoadmithisflaws,thatmadeitsoeasytodigintoherown.Toseethem
clearly
Aftertoday,shewasprettysureJulianwasattractedtoher.Theycouldtalkaboutpersonalthingslikethey’dbeenhaving
heart-to-heartstheirentirelives.Butshe’dbeenlivingwithherfeelingsforJuliansolong,itwasalmosthardtobearound
himknowinghiscouldn’tmeasureup.Itwassoimpossible,she’dactuallysuggestedtheybefriendsonly,justtoavoidthat
potentiallypainfulspeechfromhim.

Buthere,inherletters,shecouldletheradmirationpourout,almostinatherapeuticway.
Andso,insteadofbeingresponsibleandoutliningawayoutof#thatclutterlife,shefoundherselfturningtoafreshpage.
DearJulianChapterNine
Julianranextrahardthenextafternoon.
He’dwokenwithpurposethatmorning.Plowedthroughfourwritingsprints,madehimselfaproteinshake,andnowhewasfocused
onbeatingyesterday’srunningtime.

Yes,thatwastheplan—andhe’dbestickingtoit.
Unfortunately,hisfeethadotherideas.WhenJulianspiedthelineoutsideofUNCORKED,theloiteringmassofpeopleblocking
theentrancetoCorked,hejoggedtoastopandfrowned.Atthem.Athimselfforonceagainbeingunabletostayonschedule.

Initially,theunfairnessofUNCORKED’ssuccesshadgottenunderhisskin.Theyweremakingamockeryofthelong-standing
shopnextdoorand,frankly,insultingthewholeprocessofwinetastingbyturningitintoastunt.Athumbingofthenose
atthewineindustrywouldn’tnormallybotherJulian,exceptthateverythingtheseassholesdidbotheredhimnow.

BecausetheyupsetHallie.
Heloathedherbeingupset.Therealversionofherandthefantasyversion.

Sheshouldalwaysbesmiling.Simpleasthat.
Wastheresomethinghecoulddoaboutthis?
Backinhighschoolandevenslightlybeyond,he’dbeenmoreinclinedtoreachoutahelpinghandtothosewhoneededit.He’dgotteninvolved.Triedtomakehimselfuseful.Somewherealongtheline,he’dbecomefocusedonhisownagenda,neverglancingrightorleft.
Hallie’spassionatedefenseofCorkedhadreallybroughtthatintofocus,andhecouldn’tseemtocontinueonhismerryway
thisafternoon.IfHalliecouldburglehundredsofdollars’worthofcheese,hecouldcertainlymakehispresenceknown.

Intheprocess,perhapshecouldhelpCorinne.AndLorna.
Afterhe’dfinishedpickinggrapesyesterday,he’dinvitedManuelintotheguesthouseforcoffeeand…yeah.Sufficeit
tosay,themanagerhadpulledoffJulian’sblinders.Corinnewasdoinganadmirablejobofmaintainingthewinery,butquality
hadbeguntofallbythewaysideinfavorofexpediency.VosVineyardneededmoney,sotheychurnedoutwine,butthesuperiority
theyonceclaimedhadbeenslowlywaning.

Hismotherhadnotaskedhimforhelp.Maybethatwasindeferencetohisfather’swishesorperhapsshedidn’thaveanyfaith
inJulian,either.Whateverthereason,hecouldn’tstayonthesidelinesandwatchhisfamilylegacyfadeintoobscurity.
Nordidhewanthismothercarryingthisloadbyherselfwhenhewaswillingandabletopitchin.WasHallie’srefusalto
letUNCORKEDbullyherfriend’sshopresponsibleforthisheadofsteam?

Yes.Inaway,perhapsithadremindedhimthatlegacywasimportant.
MaybetherewasawaytogiveVosVineyardaboostandmakeHalliehappyintheprocess.ThepossibilityofaHallieSmileoversomethinghedidmadehispulseknockaround
Refusingtolethimselfhesitateanylonger,Julianmadehiswaythroughthelineoftipsytouristswhowouldprobablybenefit
fromsittingouttheirnexttasting,andwalkedintoCorked.Hewasgreetedbysoftmusicandlighting,andawomanwitha
lined,smilingfacebehindtheregister.Shecouldn’tquitemanagetohidethefactthathe’dstartledherbysimplywalking
in.

“Hello,”sangthewoman,whohadtobeLorna.“Areyou…hereforthetasting?”
“Yes,”heliedbriskly,perusingtheshelves,relievedandmaybeevenslightlypridefultoseeawideselectionofVoswines
forsale.“Whatisondecktoday…?”

“Lorna.Thisismyshop.”Sheemergedfrombehindthecounter,fussingwithherhair.“Tobetotallyhonestwithyou,Ididn’t
thinkanyonewasshowingup,soIhaven’tevensetupglasses.”Sherushedtothebackofthestore,clearlyexcitedtohave
somelifewithintheshop’swalls.“Chooseanybottleyouwantandwe’llcrackitopen.Howaboutthat?”

Juliannoddedafterher,continuinghistripupanddowntheaisles,circlingbacktothefrontofthestore.Behindtheregister
wasablack-and-whitepictureofLornaasayoungwomanholdinghandswithamanoutsideonthesidewalk,theCorkedstorefront
inthebackground.Themanwasherhusband,mostlikely.Bothofthemlookedsooptimistic.Proud.Readytotakeonthefuture.
Noinklingthatsomedayadiscoballwouldbestealingtheirbusiness.NowonderHalliewasfightingthedeclineofCorked
sofiercely.

Thatsealedit.Hewasgoingtobethebestcustomerthiswomaneverhad.
Ashewaitedfortheolderwomantosetuptwoglassesandproduceacorkscrewfromherapron,JulianselectedaVosVineyardCabfrom2019.IdeastoaidLornaformed,oneaftertheother.Somebiggerthanothers.Buthethoughtitbestnottooverwhelmthewomanallatonce.
Shepouredhimahalfglassofwine,andhetookabriefmomenttomournhisproductivityfortherestoftheday.“Thank
you.Areyoujoiningme?”

“Don’tmindifIdo,”shesaid,eyestwinkling.
Yes,itwasbecomingquiteclearwhyHalliefelttheneedtorobandvandalizeinthiswoman’shonor.Kindnessrolledoff
herinwaves.“Great.”Hesippedthewine,holdingitonhistongueforseveralcountsbeforeswallowing.“Wonderful.I’ll
takethreecases.”

Shealmostspatoutherwine.“Threecases?”

“Yes,please.”Hegrinned.“I’llpaynowandpickthemuplater,ifthat’sallright.”Seeminglyinadaze,shetooktheAmerican
Expresshehandedover,butlikeanysmartbusinesswoman,shebeelinedfortheregisterbeforehecouldchangehismind.“With
anestablishedshoplikethis,youmusthavelocalregulars.”

“Lately,everyoneseemssobusy.Andithasbecomeincreasinglyeasytoorderwineonline.”Hertoneretaineditspep,but
hecouldseewiltingbeneaththesurface.“Idohavesomeloyalcustomers,though,thatrefusetoletmedown.”

“Oh?Whomightthosebe?”GoodGod,hewasfishing.“MaybeIknowthem.”
“Well,there’sBorisandSuki.AlovelycouplethatcomeineveryotherdayforabottleoftheirfavoriteShiraz.There’s
LaviniaandJerome—theyownandoperateFudgeJudyandmakethemostdeliciousBostoncreampiedonuts.ButI’dhavetosaymymostloyalregularisthegranddaughterofoneofmydearestfriends,Godresthersoul.AlocalgardenernamedHallie.”Lornabrightened.“Actually,she’sclosetoyourage.Abityounger,maybe.”
Yeah.Nomistakingthathishearthadpickedupspeed.“HallieWelch?”
Lornarippedthecreditcardreceiptwithaflourish.“That’sher!DidyougotoschoolwithHallie,then?”
Sorespotprodded,hehidagrimace.Whycouldhenotremember?

“Yes.Highschool.”Hetookacasualsipofhiswine,setitdown,twistedthestem.“She’sdoingsomegardeningworkfor
myfamilyatthemoment,actually.Smallworld.”

“Ohmy,isn’tthatacoincidence?”laughedLornaovertheregister,herlipsturningdownatthecornersafterabeat.“Poor
girltookitveryhardwhenRebeccapassed.Idon’tthinksheknewupfromdown.Cametothefuneralintwodifferentshoes
andeverything.”

Thesensationofhavinghischeststompedonwassovisceral,heactuallylookeddowntomakesurenothingwasthere.Hallie
inmismatchedshoesatafuneral,notknowingupfromdown,madehimfeelveryhelpless.Wasshebetternow?Orjustbetter
athidinghergrief?

“Ofcourse,shedoeshavesomeverygoodfriendstoseeherthrough.She’sjoinedatthehipwithLavinia.Andofcoursethere’s
thatlovelyOwen—butIdoubtyouknowhim,hemovedhereabout—”

“Owen.AndHallie.Havethey…”Herelaxedhisgripbeforehecouldsnapthestemofthewineglass.“Dated?”
Theolderwomanwentrightonsmiling,clearlyunawaretherewasashivtohisthroat.“Yes,Ithinktheyhave.Casually,though.”Shespokeinanexaggeratedwhisperoutofthecornerofhermouth.“AlthoughIthinkHallieistheonewhokeepsputtingonthebrakes.”
“Oh.”Tensionescapedhimlikeairleavingaballoon.“Interesting.”HebarelyrestrainedhimselffromaskingLornawhyHalliecontinuedtoputonthebrakes.DidOwenhaveanyannoyinghabits?Didhedoubledip,perhaps?Anyreasontovalidate
Julian’sirrationaldislikeofthemanwouldbewelcome.Buthe’dgonefarenoughwiththislineofquestioning.Goingany
furtherwouldbeconsideredstalkinginatleasttwentystates.

NomoreinquiriesaboutHallie.But…thewholemaking-her-smilethingwasstillonthetable,wasn’tit?
“Lorna,doyouhappentohavebusinesscardsofanykind?”
“I’mafraidnot.I’vealwaysreliedonfoottraffic.Itusedtobeenoughtohaveasignoutsidethatsaid‘freewinetasting.’”
“Asitshouldbe.”Hetwistedtheglassrighttoleft.“Iwouldbehappytomakeyouupsomecards.Maybe…”Ithadalways
beenrareforhimtodroptheVosname,buttherewasnowayarounditinthisinstance.“Myfamilyownsavineyardherein
St.Helena.MaybewecouldgivecardsforCorkedouttoourvisitors.Iftheybringinthecard,tenpercentofftheirfirst
bottle?Doessomethinglikethatsoundagreeabletoyou?”

“Yourfamilyownsavineyard?”Shehandedhimbackthecreditcard,alongwithhisreceipttosign.Abluepen.“Isn’tthat
nice.Whichone?”

Hecoughedintoafist.“VosVineyard.”
Lornalurchedagainstthetastingtable,nearlyupsettingtheopenwinebottle.“Vos…Areyoutheson?Julian?”Hermouth
openedandclosed.“Ihaven’tseenyouinyears.Forgivetheseoldeyes,Ididn’trecognizeyou.”Sheshookherheadamoment.
“Andyouwouldreallyoffertohandoutcardsforme?”

Juliannodded,gratefulshedidn’tseeminclinedtomakeahugedealoutofhislastname.“Ofcourse.”Shechewedherlipasifwaffling.Perhapsscaredtobehopeful?Soheadded,“Yourshopisalandmark.Ifyouhaven’tbeenhere,youhaven’tbeentoSt.Helena.”
Theolderwoman’seyessparkledathim.“You’redamnright.”
Thatcompetitivestreakofhiswastickinglikeametronome.“Actually,I’lltakeafewbottlestogonow.”Hewinkedather.
“IncaseIgetthirstyonthewalkhome.”

WhichishowJulianfoundhimselfintheneighboringyogastudioeightminuteslater,handingbottlestothemenandwomen
emergingfromclass.“Lornasentthese,”heexplainedtothesweatyandconfusedpeople.

Theytradedperplexedglances.“Who?”
“Lorna,”hesaidagain,asiftheyshouldknow.“FromCorked.Nextdoor.Thelongest-standingwinestoreinSt.Helena.No
triptoNapaiscompletewithoutit.”Hesmiledatthegirlbehindthecounter.“I’lldropoffsomebusinesscardsforyou
tohandout.”

WhenJulianlefttheyogastudioandrestartedhiswatch,hisshoulderswerelighter.HecontinueddownGrapevineWayfor
awhile,pastthehealthspaandseveralcafés.Ashegotfartherfromthecenteroftown,theshopshepassedweremorefor
thelocals.Pizzeriasandadanceschoolforchildren.AcarwashandadonutshopnamedafterJudgeJudy,whichhecould
notfindfaultwith.Andthat’swhereheturnedrightandcutdownthewoodedpathleadingtoVosVineyard.Anotherthree-quarters
ofamileandhe’dbeattheguesthouse.Sure,hehadaslightwinebuzz,buthewouldn’tletitpostponehisshower,and
thenitwouldbestraighttowork—

Upahead,asquare,whiteobject,totallyoutofplaceamongthegreenery,snaggedhisattention.Julianstoppedsoabruptly,hissneakerskickedupadustcloud.
Noway.Notagain.
Anotherenvelope.Withhisnameonit.Stuckinthecrackofatreestump.
Standinginthecenterofthepath,helookedaround,positivehe’dfindNataliehidingandsnickeringbehindabush.Apparently
shehadn’tgottentheprankoutofhersystemyet.Butshemusthavecomeandgoneawhileago,becausehewasquiteobviously
alonethere,nosoundsavetheafternoonbreezesweepingdownoffthe
Shakinghishead,Julianpluckedtheletteroutofthestump—andimmediatelynoticedthehandwritingwasthesameaslast
time,butmorecontrolled.Andthefurtherhegotintothecorrespondence,themoreitbecameclearNataliehadnotwrittenit.

DearJulian,
Thereissomethingsoeasyaboutananonymousletter.Itputslesspressureonbothofus.Thereislessfearofrejection.
Icanbetotallyhonest,andifyouneverwriteback,atleastIletoutthewordsthathavebeentrappedinmyhead.

They’reyourproblemnow—sorry.
(ForgetwhatIsaidaboutlesspressure.)
WhenyourundownGrapevineWayintheafternoons,asolitaryfigureonamission,Iwonderhowyoufeelaboutyoursolitude.
Ifit’sthesamewayIfeelaboutbeingalone.There’ssomuchspacetothink.ToconsiderwhereI’vebeenandwhereI’mgoing.
IwonderifI’mwhoI’mmeanttobeorifI’mjusttoodistractedtokeepevolving.Sometimesit’soverwhelming.Doyouever
getoverwhelmedwiththesilenceorareyouascontentinthesolitudeasyouseem?

Whatwoulditbeliketoknowyoucompletely?
Doesanyoneknowyoucompletely?

I’vebeenlovedbysomeoneforallmyfaults.It’sawonderfulfeeling.Maybeyouwantthatforyourself.Ormaybeyoudon’t.
Butyou’reworthyofit,incaseyou’rewondering.

Thisisgettingtoopersonalcomingfromastranger.It’sjustthatIdon’ttrulyknowyou.SoIcanonlybehonestandhope
somethinginsideyou…hearsme.

I’msorryifyoufoundthisletterstrangeoreventerrifying.Ifso,pleaseknowthatImeanttheopposite.Andifnothing
comesfromthis,yourmaintakeawayshouldbethatsomeoneoutherethinksaboutyou,inthebestwaypossible,evenonyour
worstday.

SecretlyYours
Julianfinishedtheletterandimmediatelyreaditagain,thetempoofhispulseincreasingsteadily.Thisletterwasnothinglikethelast.Itwasmoreseriousintone.Earnest.Anddespitetheoddnessoffindingaletteronhisjoggingpath,hecouldn’thelpbutrespondtothewistfultonewovenintothewords.NowayNataliewrotethis,right?Hecouldn’timaginehissistertakinganemotionaldeepdivelikethis,evenforajoke.
Theenvelopewasbone-dry,meaningithadn’tbeentheresincelastnight.Themorningdewwouldhavedampenedit,atthevery
least.Althoughnoonhadcomeandgone,Nataliewasasleepwhenheleftfortherun,plustherehadbeentwoemptywinebottles
onthekitchencounter,neitherofwhichhe’dhadasingleglassfrom.Hesupposedhissistermighthavebattledthrougha
hangovertoprankhim—she’dneverlackeddedication.Andshewouldhavehadopportunity,sincehe’drunfornearlyhalfan
hour,plushispitstopatCorked.

MaybehejusthopedNataliehadn’tbeentheonetowritetheletter,becausethedamnthinghadunexpectedlystruckachordwithhim.Itwas
writtenbythesamepersonwhopennedthelastletter,meaningtheirinterestwasromanticinnature.

Whatwoulditbeliketoknowyoucompletely?
Thecloserhegottohome,themorethatquestioncircledhishead.
IwonderifI’mwhoI’mmeanttobeorifI’mjusttoodistractedtokeepevolving.
Fouryearshadpassedsincehe’dbeenhome,andhe’dbarelyregisteredthelengthoftime.Notuntilhe’darrivedinSt.Helena
tofindhismotherkeepingthewinery’stroublesasecret.Hissistergoingthroughacrisis,andhedidn’tevenknowthe
barestdetails.Whatifhiscopingmechanismsweren’thelpinghimanymore?

Whatifkeepingrigidscheduleswasharminghim…andhisrelationships,instead?
Julianenteredthehouseandimmediatelystrodetowardhissister’sroom.
Shewasasleep.Sprawledout,anemptywineglassonthefloornearherdanglinghand.
Whenthescentofalcoholhithim,heclosedthedooragainwithawince.
Ifshe’dleftthehousethisafternoonwithallofthealcoholinhersystem,shewouldhaveeitherburstintoflamesorpassed
outsomewherealongthetrail.

Whichmeantheactuallyhadasecretadmirerintown.Thefirstletterhadbeenreal.Shouldhewriteback?
Jesus.
Heshouldforgetabouttheletters.Castthemasideasadisruption.Buthecontinuedtothinkaboutthequestionsshe’dposed
inthesecondone.He’dreadtheletteronlytwice,andhecouldalreadymentallyreciteit,wordforword.

Howodd.
WhatifHallieismysecretadmirer?
No.Impossible.Shewasnotaseriousromanticinterest,despitetheamountoftimehespentfantasizingabouther,leading
toanembarrassingamountofbreaksbeingtakenfromworktorelievehimselfofsexualfrustration.

Julian,Idon’tthinktherearetwomoredifferentpeopleinthiswholeworld.
Hadn’tshesaidthoseverywords?Nottomention,she’dbeentheonetosuggestarelationshipbasedpurelyonfriendship.
He’dnevermetamorebluntlyhonestperson.Ifshewashisadmirer,shewouldsimplytellhim,wouldn’tshe?Shedidn’tlie
aboutherfaults—no,shepracticallybraggedaboutshowinguplateandflyingbytheseatofherpants.

Orherannoyinglytightcutoffs,asitwere.
Whoeverwasontheothersideoftheseletters,therewouldbenowritingback,despitehisbeingreluctantlyintrigued.Somethingaboutestablishingcommunicationwiththispersondidn’tsitquiteright—butexploringthattoodeeplycouldcomeonlyathisownperil,soJulianquicklystuffedtheletterbackintohispocketwiththeintentionofforgettingaboutit.
Again.ChapterTen
IfHallieleanedjustsototherightandstretched,shecouldseeJulianthroughhisofficewindow.Workingdiligently,with
histickingstopwatchandrigidshoulders.Theskywascloudedtoday,sothelamplightfromthehousespilledacrossthegrass,
highlightingthemistintheair.Itwasdefinitelygettingreadytorain.Sheshouldabsolutelygetgoing.Butshewouldn’t
havethisviewofJulianVosandhiscleftchinfromhome,sosheriskedtheinclementweatherbyplantingextraslowly,spreading
thesoilwithslow-motionhands.

Theireyesmetthroughtheglass,andshequicklylookedaway,pretendingtobeenthralledbythebloomingstemofasnapdragon,
whileherbellycontinuedtotakeonelongskydive.Hadhefoundthesecond,decidedlymorecoherentletter?She’dbeenworking
intheguesthousegardenfortwodaysandtheyhadn’tspoken,soshe
Maybehe’dmarchedherletterdirectlytothepoliceandaskedthemtohandleit.Maybetheywereformingataskforceright
now.Findandeliminatetheroguesecretadmirerbeforeanymoremenwereforcedtoreadaboutfeelings.

Thunderrolledloudlyoverhead.
Onceagain,theirgazesdancedtowardeachotherthroughthemist-coveredwindow,andheraisedaverysharpeyebrow.Asif
tosay,Doyounothaveaweatherapponyourphone?
Oreyeballs?
Finally,heliftedaphonetohisear.Sheassumedhehadtotakeacalluntilherownphonestartedvibratinginherback
pocket.“You’recallingmefrominside?”

Hehummed,andthelowsoundwaslikeasoftshockdownherspine.“Shouldn’tyoubewearingajacket?Ormaybecallingit
adayaltogether,consideringit’sabouttopour?”

“I’malmostdone.Theselilacsjustcan’tdecidewheretheywanttobe.”Julian’sheadfellbackonhisshoulders,eyesimploring
theceilingforsanity.“YouknowIcanseeyou,right?”

DespiteJulian’sfrustration,hislipstugged.“Maybeyoucouldtrysomethingnewandspaceouttheflowersevenly—”
“Thisjustin:theywanttobedirectlybehindthedaisies.”
Hislaughwaslikethesizzleofwateronahotstove.Therewassomethingintimateaboutit.Aboutthestormandhislamplit
window.“Areyouenjoyingyourself?”

“Maybealittle.”Shefellforwardonhandsandknees,securingthelilacsinplaceandpattingtheeartharoundtheedges.
“Idon’tmindworkingintherain,actually.TheoneresponsiblethingI’vedonerecentlyisbuyawaterproofphonecase.
DidyouknowthereisnodogslobberdamageclauseintheApplecontract?”Theraindropsonthewindowdidn’tquiteobscure
thetwitchofhislips.“Ifyouneedtogetbacktowriting,wecanhangup.”

“No,”heanswered,asifinvoluntarily.“HowisCorkeddoingthesedays?”
HalliepausedandstudiedJulian.Washereallynotgoingtotakecreditforbuyingthreecasesofhisownfamily’swine?Apparentlynot.Hewasfrowningatthecomputerscreen,nosignofthegooddeedvisibleinhisexpression.
She’dskiddedintoCorkedfortheafternoontasting,onlytofindthatJulianhadnotonlystoppedinandhadaglassofwine
withathoroughlycharmedLorna,buthe’ddroppedenoughcashtopaythismonth’srent.Asifsheneededanotherreasonto
sendhimloveletters—ofwhichtherewouldbeonlytwo.Two,tops.

Unlessheanswered.
Whichhedefinitelydidn’tseeminclinedtodo.
Maybeathirdwouldnudgehim?
“Corkedisdoingslightlybetterthanusual,actually.Lornahasmoreofaspringinherstepthelastcoupleofdays,which
isnicetosee,”shesaidbreathily,herhandsworkingtheearth.“I’mnotsurewhy,though.She’sbeenverytight-lipped.
Maybeshelandedaninvestor.Eitherthatorshe’sgotaboyfriend.”

Hestudiedherthroughthewindow,tryingtoeitherdetermineifshewasjokingorperhapsdeducewhetherornotshe’dbeen
madeawareofhisgenerosity.Whensheonlykeptherfeaturesschooled,heclearedhisthroat.“Andthismakesyou…happy?
Lornahavingmorespringinherstep?”

Didheappearhopeful,orwasthatherimagination?“Yes.Itdoes.”
“Hmm.”Apparentlythetopicwasdismissed,becauseheleanedforwardtolookupattheskyandshiftedinhischair.“There
isgoingtobeadownpouranysecondnow,Hallie.Comeinside,”hesaid,withoutthinking.“Idon’twantyoucold.”

Herhandspausedslightlyathisdeepertone.
Shelookedup,theireyeslatched,andheroxygengrewscarce.Didhehaveanyideahowhiscaringaffectedher?Itwasaglimpseatthemanbeneath.Themanshe’dalwaysknownwasthere,butwhohadbeenburiedinhisadulthood.Notsodeepthatshecouldn’tseeit.Couldn’twishtodiganddigandwrapherselfinhisuniquelyrefinedkindness.
“DoIneedtocomeoutthereandgetyou?”heprompted.
MotherNaturesentthunderheadsrollingacrosstheskyabovethem.Ormaybethatturbulencewasmovingstraightthroughher,
reverberatinginherbentthighsandtightenedtummymuscles.Shewasthehumanversionofapluckedtuningfork.Bottomline,
ifshestooduprightnow,herarousalmightnotbevisible…butshecouldn’tguaranteeit.Whocouldhidethispotentafeeling?Bettertostaycrouched,maybedrowninaflashflood.

“Verywell,”heclipped,hangingupbeforeshecould…what?Tellhimnottobothercomingtocollecther?Wasshereally
goingtopretendthatshedidn’twanttogoinsidehishousetowaitoutthisromanticrainstorm?

Ascreendooropenedinthedistance,andherheartaccelerated,beatingevenfasterwhenJuliancameintoview.Justintime
fortheskytomakeanominoustearingsoundandcondensationtobeginfallinginaspikydeluge.

“Comeon,”hesaid,reachingdowntotakeherhand,hiswarmpalmslidingagainsthers,hisfingerscompressingaroundhers,
leadingtowhatfeltlikeanelectricalchargestraighttoherhormones.Leavinghertoolstofallwheretheymay,sheallowed
herselftobepulledalongthefrontpathandintothecool,dryinterior
Julianguidedherintothekitchenandstopped,lookingdownattheirjoinedhands,histhumbever-so-slightlybrushingoverthepulseatthesmallofherwrist.CouldhefeelitpoundinglikeMcConaugheyonapairofbongos?Didshewanthimto?Ultimately,amusclepoppedinhischeekandhelethergo,retreatingtotheoppositesideoftheislandlikelasttime,withhishandsproppedwide,dresssleevesrolleduptohiselbows.OhLord,theforearms.Theretheywere.Inherfifteenyearsoffantasizingaboutthisman,she’ddefinitelyneglectedoneofhisbestfeatures.Goingforward,sheneededtodobetter.
SheopenedhermouthtomakeajokeaboutCaliforniansneverbeingpreparedforrain.Butshestoppedshort,aflashofcold
runningupherarms.Thereonthemarblecountersattheenvelopecontainingthesecretadmirerletter.

No.
Bothofthem
Theywereinaneatstack,naturally,withabrassduckpaperweightontop.
OhLord.He’dgottenthem.Bothletters.Readthemwithhiseyesandbrainandforearms.Theysatbetweenthemlikeanaccusation.
Wasshetooblindsidedbyhercrushtorealizeshe’djustwalkedintoaconfrontation?Herpulsepickedup.Sheneededto
figureoutwhatwasgoingonhereandfast.

“IsNataliehome?”sheasked,glancingtowardthebackofthehouse.
“No.Onadate,Ibelieve.”
“Really?Goodforher.Intherainandeverything.”
“Yes.”Heseemedtoblinkhimselfoutofatrance.“Shemetsomeoneatthegasstationofallplaces.Idon’tunderstandhow
thathappens.I’veneverhadaconversationwithanyonewhilefillingmytank,butsheseemstohavebuilt-in…whatdo
mystudentscallit?Tinder?”

“Hersixthsenseislocatingsinglepeople.That’sanenviableskill.”
Hislefteyetwitched.“Youwishyouwerebetterataskingoutmen?”
“Sure.”Weretheyhavingthemostironicconversationpossibleconsideringtheletterssittingbeneaththemallard?Orhad
heintentionallyledthemhereinpreparationforasecretadmirerintervention?“Don’tyou?”shemanagedthroughherdry
throat.“Wishyouwerebetteratcomingrightoutandtellingsomeonethatyou’reinterested?”

Heconsideredherfromacrosstheisland.
Thunderboomedoutside.
Thoughshecouldn’tseethelightningthatcameafewmomentslater,sheimagineditzigzaggingacrossthesky.Muchlike
theveinsinhisforearms.

MyGod,pullyourselftogether.
“Idon’tusuallyhaveaproblemwiththat,”hesaid,narrowinghiseyes.
Thereyouhaveit,folks.JulianVosdidn’thaveanyissuestellingtheoppositesexhewasinterested.Wasthisagentle
letdown?Niceletters,butI’mintoscholarswholiketoattendastronomylecturesinsteadofgettingdrunkandeatinglinguine.
“Myproblemmostlycomeslaterintheacquaintance,”hecontinued.“Whenit’stimetostatemyintentions.Iworrythey’ll
becomeattachedwhenIhavenointentionofdoingthesame.Idon’twanttopromisesomethingandnotdeliver.That’sworse
thanbeing…”

“Beingwhat?”
“Idon’tknow.Disconnected.”Hewasbeginningtolooktroubled.“Itendtoremaindisconnectedwithpeople,becauseit’seasiertofocus.Onwork.Onkeepingtime.It’sneverbotheredmeuntilnow.Inevermeanttobecomesounattachedinallmyrelationships.Onlyromanticones.Butmysister.Idon’tknowwhat’sgoingonwithherand…”Hecaughthimselfwithahardheadshake.“Sorry,Ishouldn’tbebotheringyouwiththis.”
“Idon’tmind.”Infact,withhishaltingrevelationstillhangingintheair,shecouldbarelystandthepressureinher
chest.“You’reworriedaboutNatalie?”

“Yes,”heansweredsuccinctly.“She’salwaysbeensogoodabouttakingcareofherself.Cominghomewouldbealastresort
forher.”

“Haveyoutriedtalkingtoheraboutit?”
Afteramoment,heshookhishead,thosebourboneyesfindingherfromacrosstheisland.“Whatwouldyousay?Tomakehercomfortableenoughforthat?”

ItmeantsomethingthatJulianwasaskingherthis.Thetentativemannerinwhichheposedthequestiontoldherexactlyhow
oftenherequestedadvice.Nexttonever.“Iwouldtellheryou’regladshe’sherewithyou.”

Julian’sspinestraightenedmorethanitalreadywas.“That’sit?”
“Yeah.”Hallienodded,foldingherhandsinfrontofher.“Butbeforeyousayit,makesureyoumeanit.She’llbeableto
tellthedifference.”

Hislipsmovedslightly,asifrepeatingheradvicetohimself.
Thisman.She’dbeenrightabouthim.Allalong.
Hewasheroic.
Somewherealongtheline,hadheconvincedhimselfoftheopposite?
Ittookallofherself-controlnottocrosstotheothersideofthekitchen,gouponhertiptoes,andpresstheirmouthstogether.But…wouldthatbeunethicalnow?Hewasopeninguptoherwithoutknowingshe’dwrittenhimthoseletters.Lettershe’dobviouslyreadandkept.
Hisgazeshifteddowntothelettersbriefly,thenaway.“SomeonerecentlyaskedmehowIfeelaboutmysolitude.Theysaid,
‘There’ssomuchspacetothink.ToconsiderwhereI’vebeenandwhereI’mgoing.IwonderifI’mwhoI’mmeanttobeorif
I’mjusttoodistractedtokeepevolving.’”AwildrushofbutterfliescarriedthroughHallie,wingingupintohershoulders
andthroat.Didhejustquoteherletterfrommemory?“Thatmadesensetome.”

Ohdear.Thiswasn’tanintervention
He’dreadtheletters…andlikedthem.They’dresonatedwithhim.
Hallie’sfirstreactiontothatwasaburstofjoy.Andrelief.Thisdistantbondshe’dalwaysfeltwithJulian…maybe
itwasn’tafigmentofherimaginationafterall.

“Thatmakessensetome,too,”Hallieraspedintothekitchen,thesoundofrainalmostdrowningherout.Wait.Nowshewas
havingafullconversationwithhimaboutthecontentsofherletter.Thatwasn’tgood.She’dneverintendedthis,andshe
neededtocomecleanrightnow—

“LatelyI’vebeenwonderingifI’msotrappedinsidethisneedforstructurethatit’sceasedtohaveanymeaningatall,”
Juliansaid,lookingjustbeyondhershoulder.“Ihaven’tusedminutesorhoursonanythingbesidesmyjob,anddoesthat
meanI’veessentially…wastedsome,ifnotallofit?”Hisattentionfelltothenote.“MaybeIhaven’tevolved,asthis
personsays.MaybeI’vebeentoodistractedtogrow,whenIthoughtIwasbeingsoproductive.”

Sherelatedtothatsohard,shealmostreachedacrosstheislandforahighfive.“Sortoflike,asyougetolder,youstarttakingonmyriadresponsibilitiesthatmakeyouanadult.Butreally,they’rejustdistractingyoufromthethingsthatmatter.Andthenyou’vemisspentyourtime,butthere’snowaytogetitback.”
“Exactly.”
“Whenyourcolleaguehadhisbreakdown,youstartedtowonderaboutthis?”
“Almostimmediately.Heshouldhavebeensomewhereelse.Ahealthierplaceforhim.Withhisfamily.AndthenIthought,is
thiswhereI’msupposedtobe?”Hetuckedhistongueagainsttheinsideofhischeek,examinedher.“Doyoueverlosesleep
wonderingifyou’reinthewrongplaceortimeline?”

Youhavenoidea.“Sure,”shewhispered,wonderingifhecouldreadhermind.Maybehecould.Afterall,therewassomethingmagicalcharging
theairinthatmoment,inthenearlydarkkitchenwithathunderstormriotingoutside.Standingwiththisstaidandprivate
manwhileheconfessedhisinnerturmoil.Therewasnothingshecoulddotostopherselffromleaningintotheintimacy.Going
afteritwithbothhands.

Notevenherconscience,apparently.
“Thefirstfourteenyearsofmylife,Iwasontheroadwithmymother.Wewereneverinthesameplacelongerthanaweek.
Andmymom…she’skindofthisbeautifulchameleon.Shelikestosaymidnighttransformsherbackintoablankcanvas,
likeCinderellaandthepumpkin.Shebecamewhateverhercurrentloveinterestwanted.Ifshechangedbands,wentfromsoul
tocountry,she’dgofromaloungeacttoacowgirl.Sheevolvedconstantly,andshe…tookmewithher.Ontheroadandonthesemakeovers.Sheredesignedmeoverandover.Iwaspunk,Iwasgirly,anartist.She’dkindofimpressthesedifferentidentitiesonme,andnow…sometimesIdon’tknowifthisistherightone,ifthisisactuallyme.Itfeltrightwhenmygrandmotherwashere.”

Julian’sgazedippedtohermultitudeofnecklaces.Noneofthemmadesensetogether,butshecouldneverdecidewhichones
towear.Throwingthemallongotheroutofthehouseandawayfromthemirrorfastest.Thesimpleactofpickingapiece
ofjewelryorrestrictingflowerstocertainbedsofsoilfeltlikemajordecisions.

Sosheflauntedthem,committingtoeverythingand,thus,tonothing.
“Anyway,”shesaidquickly.“Forwhatit’sworth,Ithinkyou’reintherighttimeline.Youweretheretohelpyourcolleague
inamomentofneedanditpropelledyouhereatthesametimeasyoursister,whoalsoneedshelp.Nottomentionthevineyard.
Thatcan’tbeanaccident.”Asmilestretchedherlips.“Ifyouweren’tinthistimeline,whowouldtheperpetuallylate,
unsystematicgardenerbedrivingcrazythesedays?”

Forsomereason,thatdrewhisbrowstogether.
Andhestartedaroundtheisland.TowardHallie.
Herbreathcameoutinashortburst,andshecouldn’tseemtoreplacetheexpelledoxygen.NotwithJulianlookingather
likethat,hisjawlocked,eachsteppurposeful,hisgorgeousfeaturesarrangedinanearscowl.Hereachedtheclosestcorner
oftheislandandturned.Continued.Then,ohLord,hemovedincloseenoughtoHalliethatherheadtippedbackautomatically
tomaintaintheirsearingeyecontact.

“Idon’tlikebeingdrivencrazy,Hallie.”
“Isortofnoticed.”
Heproppedhishandsoneithersideofherontheisland.Steppedcloser.Enoughthathisbodyheatwarmedherbreasts,hisjaggedexhalestirringherhair.“Ialsospendalotoftimewonderingwhoelseyou’redrivingcrazy.”
Halliemeltedbackagainsttheisland.Intheory,shewasn’tawomanwhofoundjealousyattractive.Atleast,shedidn’tthink
so.Noonehadeverdisplayedenvywhereshewasconcerned.Thatsheknewabout,anyway.Still,sheshouldn’tlikeit.Shealsoshouldn’tlikethesmellofgasoline.Orcoldpizzacrustdippedin
barbequesauce,butexplaintheword“shouldn’t”tohertastebuds.Explain“shouldn’t”tothehormonesthatwentabsolutelywildattheknowledgethathe’dspenthispreciousminutesandhoursthinkingabout
whereshewas.

Andwithwhom.
Youcanlikeit.Justdon’trewardhimforit.
“Keepwondering,Iguess.”
Hisrighteyebrowwentupsofast,itnearlymadeawhooshingsound.“Keepwondering?”Ablastoflightningbrieflyturnedthekitchenwhite.“That’swhatyou’re…givingme…”

Whenhedidn’tcontinue,shepromptedhim.“What’swrong?”
Severalsecondspassed.Hischeststartedtomovefaster,upanddown,hisheadtickingslightlytotheright.Recognition
slowlyregisteredinhiseyes,andhecursedlowandsharpunderhisbreath.“Yourhairwasn’tcurlybackthen.”

Whatwashetalkingabout?Shehadnoidea,althoughherpulsewasbeginningtozigzag,asifitknewsomethingwascoming.
“Backwhen?”

“That’showweknoweachother.”Heeagerlytracedherfeatureswithhisgaze.“Wewentforawalktogetherinthevineyard.
Thenightmysisterthrewthatparty.”

Sheblinkedrapidly,pulsekickingintoanevenfastergallop.“Wait,you…remember?”
Juliannoddedslowly,perusingHallieasifseeingherforthefirsttime.
Thisdecade,atleast.

“Myfriendstraightenedmyhairthatnight.Shethoughtitmademelookolder.”Acornerofherlipsjumped.“Itfooledyou.
UntilIfesseduptobeinginyoursister’sgrade.”

“Right.”Hismouthopenedandclosed.“Ithoughtyouhadtobefromadifferentschool.Ineversawyouinthehallsafter
that.Anywhere.”

“Mymothertookmebackontheroad.”God,shesoundedlikeshe’dbeenrunningonahamsterwheel.“Itwasn’tuntilyou’d
leftforcollegethatIsettledintoSt.Helenapermanentlywithmygrandmother.”

“Isee.”Ashadowcrossedhisface.“I’msorryIdidn’tremember.Mysisterthrewthatpartywithoutpermission.Withoutplanning
ortellingmefirst.Itendto…”

“What?”
Thisappearedhardforhimtosayoutloud.“I’vebeenknowntocheckoutafterIlosecontrolofasituation.Itmakesmy
memoryspotty.NottomentionthealcoholIdrank…”

Knowingwhatshedidabouthimnow,thatmadesense,thoughshesuspectedtherewasamuchmoreelaborateexplanationbehind
checkingout.“You’reforgiven.”

Ahandfulofheavysecondstickedby.
“AmI?”Slowly,hecrowdedherclosertotheisland.Theirchestspressingtogether,herheadtippingback.Rainpoundedthewindows.“I’dliketobeonehundredpercentsurethatyoudon’tholdmycloudymemoryagainstme.”Hisbreathstirredherhair.“Iwanttofeelyouforgiveme.Iwanttotasteitinyourmouth.”
MotherMary,hehadawaywithwords.“Maybethat’sagoodidea,”shemanaged,legsalmostlosingstrengthcompletely.“Forthesake
ofclosureandall.”

“Right,”herasped.“Closure.”
Andthenhisfingerswereslidingintoherhair.Herubbedhercurlsbetweenthepadsofhisthumbandindexfinger,asif
fascinated.Hiswarmbreathacceleratedsoclosetohermouth,anditwasaheadything,theirinhalesandexhalesmatching,
quickening,theirgazeslinking.Holding.Hiswasglazed.Heavy.Helookedathermouthasthoughitwouldanchorhimina
storm,andhewentforitdesperately.

Hallie’slowerbackflattenedagainsttheisland,andhequicklymovedwithher,rubbinghisthumbagainsthercheek,asif
apologizingforcomingonsostrong.Buthedidn’tseemcapableofslowingdown,either.Hetookroughpullsofhermouth,
tiltingherheadsidewaysandtakingdeeptastes.Thoroughandsavoring.MyGod.
Theirtonguesplungedandcollided,causinghertowhimperandJuliantogroan,andthatsoundracedinherbloodlikerocket
fuel.Inseconds,thishadgottencompletelyoutofcontrol,andHallielovedbeingpuntedstraightoutofreality.Craved
theunpredictabilityofhismouthandtheunexpectedcoursestakenbyhishands.Hisrightonelefthercurlstoscrubdown
herspine,justlikehe’ddoneinthevineyardfifteenyearsearlier,butnowthemangrippedfabricandpulledherbodycloser.
Theirbodiesjustkindofmelted,likeliquefiedmetalbeingpouredintoamold.Curvesfitintopeaks,muscleflexedagainst
softness.

“Ilikeitwhenyou’restandinginoneplace,”hegrowled,breakingthekisssotheycouldsuckdownheavypullsofair.“Whenyouholdstill.”
“Don’tgetusedtoit,”shewhisperedbreathily.
“No?”Hismouthopenedonherhairline.“Wouldyoulikemetounziptheseshortssoyoucanmovebetter,Hallie?”Shefound
herselfnoddingbeforeheevenfinishedposingthequestion.Atthemeresuggestiontheygetridofthedenimbarrierbetween
them,hershortsbecameunbearable.Anoffense.Lookingherrightintheeye,heloweredherzipperandshovedthemdownher
hips,awhooshfollowedbythematerialhittingthefloor,thebuttonsmakingametallicclink.Afterseveralbreathslostamongthethunder,
hishandcurledaroundHallie’swrist,guidingherownhandtoherupperthigh.Higher,untilherfingertipsalmostmether
panties.

Sensationsbombardedher.Julian’srain-and-spicescent.Hisquickeningbreathsnearherear.Thechafeofhisdressshirt
onthecottonofhers.Whenhischestshiftedtooneside,thentheother,itrubbedhernipplestolifeandelectricitysnapped
outintoherlimbs.

“Ifyoucan’tholdstill…”Hebroughtherfingertipsanotherinchhigher—andflushwithhersex,herwetnessevident
throughthematerialofherpanties.“Makeitcount.”

Thegroundrippledbeneathherfeet.“Youwantmeto—”
“Touchyourself.Yes.”Hisopenmouthrakedoverherear.“It’sonlyfair,sinceI’vebeenfuckingmyhandonaregularbasis
sinceyoustartedworkingoutsidemywindow.”

Wasthisreallife?

Howmanytimeshadshebroughtherselftoorgasmwhilethinkingaboutthisman?Havinghimnotonlywatchbutorderhertodoitmadeherkneesshake.Sensoryoverload.Shekindofwishedshe’dimaginedthisscenariosooner.Wishedshe’dknownlongbeforenowwhatitwouldfeelliketohaveJulianslideafingerintothewaistbandofherpantiesandtugthemdown,slowly,tothetopsofherthighs,exposinghersextothestorm-litkitchen,thenre-bracehishandsontheislandwherehehadherbodypressed.Waiting.
Halliebitherlip,fingerstwitching—andthatalonemadehimgroan.Yes,thisbuttoned-upprofessorgroanedevenbeforeshe
startedtracingthedampseamofherfleshwithhermiddlefinger,rakingthatdigitupanddownuntilherfoldspartedorganically.
Inneedofmore.Sheallbutbloomedforhimonarushofwetness,herfingersgatheringthemoistureandspreadingitover
herclit,hergaspminglingwiththesoundsofrumblingthunder.

“Fuckme,”hemutteredintoherear.“Youdothisinyourbedathome.”
Notaquestion.Astatement.Soshedidn’tanswer.Couldn’t.
Herheadfellback,neckstrengthdepleted,fingersrubbingeagerly.
“Doyouevergotobedwiththosedirtyknees,Hallie?Doyouclimbontothemattressfacedownandopenthosefilthyknees
wideinyoursheets,likeyoudoonthefrontlawn?God,I’dfuckingpaytoseeit.”

Holymotherof…
Thewordsthismangrittedoutlikeamodern-daybarbarianintoherearwerenotwhatshe’dexpected.Notwhatshe’dimagined
himsayingforyearsandyearswhilefeverishlywrithinginherbed.Inherfantasies,Julianusuallytoldhershewasbeautiful—and
thathadbeenenoughtobringhertoclimax?God,howboring.Hewasgivingherdirtykneestalk.He’dpulleddownherunderwearandaskedhertomasturbateinhiskitchen.

Inthefuture,herspankbankwasgoingtobelit.
Butshedidn’twanttoconsiderthefuturerightnow.Therewasonlythisman’sharshpantsinherear,thoseintenseeyes
lockedontheactionsofherfingers.Twoofthemnowthatspearedwetlythroughherfleshtostimulateherclitand,really,
itwasbeyondstimulated.Ifshegaveitthreesecondsofconcentration,shecouldpeak,noquestionsasked.

Somethingelsecontinuedtocirculateinhermind,though,preventingherfromgivingherpleasurefullconcentration.What
he’dsaid.It’sonlyfair,sinceI’vebeenfuckingmyhandonaregularbasissinceyoustartedworkingoutsidemywindow.
Okay,she’dfantasizedaboutJuliangoingsolo.
Herimaginarysexlifehadn’tbeenthatboring.

Wouldsheevergetanotherchancetoseeitlive?Thisstorm,thehappenstanceofbeinginhisfrontyardwhenitstarted
torainandhavingthisforcedintimacy…therewasahighchanceitwouldneveroccuragain.HerdesiretowatchJulian
touchhimselfwasmorethanjustadesperateneedtosatisfyhercuriosityorgatherfantasyfodderforthefuture.Shefelt
abone-deepwellingofresponsibility,ofneed,forhimtofindsatisfaction,too.Ifhedidn’tcomewithherwhereshewas
going,itwouldn’tbeasfulfilling.

“You,too,”Halliemanaged,moaningwhenhismouthstampedoverhers.Notkissing.Justmagnetized.Drawninstantlybythe
factthatshe’dspoken.“Please.”

Abeatpassed.Then,lipsstillclinging,hereacheddownandunfastenedhisbelt,loweringhiszipper.Shesawnoneofit,
butthemetalzingalonewasenoughtomakethemusclesinhertummytighten,herbaretoescurlingonthefloor.

“Ihadtoputthisonmyschedule.Rightthereonmynotepad.BeatingofftoHallie.”Histonguetracedherbottomlip.“I’vealreadydoneitoncetoday.”

“Youwrotethosewordsdown?”shesaid,gaspingwhenhenippedatherjaw.
“No,Ijustwroteyourname.Mycockknewwhatitmeant.”
Leaningbackslightly,JulianlookedHallierightintheeyeandreachedintotheopeningofhispants,gruntingthroughhis
teeth,eyelidsdroopingoverthefirststroke—

AndHallie’sorgasmblewinwithoutwarning.Likeadoorflyingopenduringahurricane.Shewhimpered,legsturningtojelly,
andverynearlydroppedintoaheaponthefloor.ButJulianmovedfast,supportingherwithhisupperbody,hismouthheating
herneckwhilehishandneverstoppedmoving.Halliehadneverwishedmoreferventlyforbettercameraanglesinherlife,
becauseshecouldn’tseethewayJulianguidedhiserectionupintothejunctureofherthighs.Nottouchingher.Juststroking
himselffaster,faster,intotheopeningbetweenherlegs,justabovehertugged-downpanties,theirarousedpartsnevermeeting.
Butshefelthimeverywherenonetheless.

“JesusChrist,thisisoutofcontrol,”heraspedintoherhair.“I’mnotincontrol.”
“That’sokay.”
“Isit?”
Shenodded,buthecouldn’tseethewayshebobbedherhead,notwithhisfaceburiedinherneck.Andthenhisfreehandslidaroundtopalmherbackside,massagingitroughlyinhishand—andherfingersturnedslipperyagain.Shebeganstrokinghertoo-sensitiveflesh,becausetherewasnohelpforit.Nostopping.Noeasingthetwistofthosedeep,deepknotsgrowingmorecomplicatedbeneathherbellybutton,twiningandsnaring,urgingherfingerstoincreasetheirpace.Theirpressure.OhGod,ohGod.
“Good,Hallie,”hemutteredthickly.“Isthatpussygoingtogiveituptwice?”
“Yes,”shegasped.
Hepressedhismouthtoherear.“God.ThewayyoulostitwhenIwrappedmyhandaroundmycock.I’llbethinkingaboutit
foryears.Decades.Howmanytimesdoyouneedtobeonthescheduleperday?Three?Four?”Theswollenheadofhisarousal
pressedflushtohermoundandtheybothmoaned,bodyjoltingagainstbody.Shaking.Andwhenhegroundhimselfthere,against
herfingersand,inturn,herclit,asecondclimaxdrewallofhermusclestightandletthemgorapidly,leavingpulsations
initswake.Thethrobthrobthrobofrelease.“Jesus.Youhadtobesofuckingsweet.”

Juliancrushedheragainsttheisland,hismusclescoiling,hisbigshoulderpressingtoheropenmouth—andhejerked,groaning
asheleftwarmmoistureonherinnerthigh.Two,three,fourstripesofliquidheat,untilheslumpedagainsther,thesounds
ofthestormroaringbackinalongwiththepoundingofhearts.

Forlongmoments,shecouldonlystareoffintospace.Inutterwonder.
Herfirstsexualexperiencewithaman,beyondkissing,andithadblownherpreconceivednotionsoutofthewater.She’d
beenrighttobepicky.Evenwithoutalotofexperience,HalliesomehowknewnotallmenwouldturnheronlikeJulianhad
justdone.Norwouldtheirpleasuremakeherownsomuchfuller.

Andyet,asbreathlessandexhilaratedasshefelt,therewassomethingintheair.
Somethingstirring.
Julian’shardbodystiffenedalittlemorewitheverypassingminute,buthehadn’tquitecaughthisbreath.Notthewayshehad.Andwhenhefinallypulledawayfromher,itwasmoreofarippingapartthananything.LikeaBand-Aidbeingtornfromskin,ittookapieceofheralongwithit.Shecaughtaflashofthicklyrootedfleshasherearrangedhimselfbackinhispants,andthenhepacedtotheotherendofthekitchen,plowingahandthroughhishair.
Severalsecondstickedbywhilehesaidnothing.
Itdidn’ttakeageniustoknowhehadimmediateregrets.
Forhishastybehavior.Forlettinghisbodymakedecisionsforitself.
Forengaginginsomethingunplannedandspontaneous…whenthatwassomethingheneverdid.
They’dagreedfromthestartthathewascontrolandshewaschaos—andhewasobviouslyfeelingtheimpactofthatnow,unable
tolookatherwhilefixinghisclothes,thatgroovebetweenhisbrowsdeeperthaneverbefore.

Notonlyhadshecausedhimtolosethecontrolheneededsobadly…she’ddiscussedtheletterswithhim.Openly.As
ifshehadn’twrittenthem.Sure,thefactthathewasquotingfromactualcorrespondencewasneversaidoutloud,butshe’dknown.She’dliedbyomission,hadn’tshe?Shewasgiveneveryopportunity
tostop,too,andshedidn’ttakeit.Evennow,whenshehadthechancetoconfess,shecouldn’tbringherselftodoit,because
hewasvisiblyshakenbywhatthey’ddone.Howwouldithelptotellhimshewashissecretadmirer?

“Ihavetogethometowalkthedogs,”shesaid,sidesteppingtoyanktheshortsupherlegsandbuttoningthemwithunsteady
fingers.“Thenextphaseofplantingshouldn’tbeforafewdays.Nextweek,mostlikely—”

“Hallie.”
Hishardtonepropelledhertowardthefrontdoor.“Ireallyhavetogo.”
Juliancaughtupwithheratthedoor,curlingahandaroundherelbowandslowinghertoastop.Theyfacedeachotherin
thedarknessoftheentryway.“Listentomeforasecond.”Hiseyeswentrighttoleft,asifsearchingforanexplanation.
“Igofromzerotoahundredinthreesecondsflatwithyou.I’mnotusedtoit.SomehowIgofromhavingboundariesforeverything
toburningthemdown.Somethingaboutyoubringsmetotheedgeofmycomfortzone.Inthepast…look,myexperience
goingbeyondthatboundaryhasn’tbeenpositive.”

“I’mmessingwithyourinnercompassandyouwanttokeepitpointednorth.It’sfine.Itotallyunderstand.”Itwasn’tfine.Hewasrippingherheartout.Whydidshesaythat?“Ireallyhavetogo.”

Asshespoke,he’dstartedpinchingthebridgeofhisnosebetweenhisthumbandindexfinger.“Goddammit.Maybethatwas
toohonest.Butthat’smyotherproblemaroundyou,isn’tit?ItalktoyouinwaysIdon’ttalktoanyoneelse.”

“I’mgladyou’rehonestwithme,”shesaidwithacatchinherthroat.Howdidhesaytheexactrightthingwhilesimultaneously
breakingherintwo?“Butsometimesthetruthisjustthetruthandwehavetoacceptit.We’retoodifferent.”

Juliandroppedhishandaway,braceditonthedoorjamb.Heshookhisheadasiftodenyit,butdidn’t.Howcouldhe?Facts
werefacts.“It’sstillrainingprettyhard.Youshouldn’tdrive.”Hestartedpattinghispockets,comingupemptyinanobvious
searchforhiskeys.“Pleaseletmegetyouhomesafely.”

Shealmostlaughed.Likethiswasn’tawkwardenough?“Look,IcantalktomyfriendOwenabouttakingoverthegardenoutfront—”
“I’llhavenoonebutyou.”
Halliewaitedabeatforhimtoclarifythatconfusingstatement,whichseemedtoindicatetheoppositeofwhatwashappening
here—agood-byeofsorts?—butheaddednothingtothatsterndenial,theconfusing,complicatedman.NotwantingtogiveJulian
achancetofindhiscarkeys,shespunonaheelandjoggedoutintotherain.“Good-bye,Julian.I’llbefine.”

Asmuchasshewantedtoleavewithoutlookingback,hergazewasdrawntohimwhilebackingdownthedriveway.I’msorry,hemouthedtoher.Andshereplayedhissilentapologyoverandoveronthewayhome,decidingtoacceptitandmoveon.
Whichwouldbealotmoredifficultnowthathe’dexceededherfantasies,bothphysicallyandemotionally,byaboutseveral
hundredmiles.

Unfortunately,theirdifferenceshadneverbeenmoreobvious.Igofromzerotoahundredinthreesecondsflatwithyou.I’mnotusedtoit.SomehowIgofromhavingboundariesforeverythingtoburningthemdown.
Somethingaboutyou.
Julianneededplanningandpredictability,andshebuckedthosequalitieslikearodeobull.Andshecouldn’t,ingoodconscience,
continuetoplayJulian’simaginarygirlfriendnowthatshe’dmissedheropportunitytorevealherselfasthesecretadmirer.
Itwouldn’tberight.Evenshedidn’thavethatmuchanarchyinsideofher.

Timetoputthiscrushbehindheronceandforall.Beforeshecausedanymoretrouble.ChapterEleven
Julianstoodinthelow-litkitchen,drumminghisfingersontheisland,thesoundweavingtogetherwiththetickoftheclock
tocreateapatternofsorts.Evenbyhisownpunctualstandards,he’dgottendressedtooearlyfortheWineDownNapaevent
thisevening.Anythingtoavoidtheblinkingcursoronhiscomputerscreen.Andmemoriesofacertainenergeticgardenergasping
forairagainsthismouth.Jesus.Hecouldn’tgetthefuckingtasteofheroutofhishead.Itstayedwithhimday,night,andeverysecondinbetween
Turnedout,he’dalmostkissedheroncebefore.Fifteenyearsago.Thatnight,he’ddrunktoomuchoutofpureirritation
withhissister.Vodkaandanxietyhadblurredthedetailsoftheevening.Buteversincethememoryresurfaced,detailswere
returning.Vividonesthatmadehimquestionhowhecouldhaveeverforgotten
Andtherealizationthatshewasafreshman,afterwhichJulianwasfairlycertainhe’dhustledherbacktothepartywithhisfaceonfire.
Howdidhemisplaceamemorythathadthepowertorockhimnow?
Juliandidn’tknow,butitappearedthatHalliewasdeterminedtoturnuponceeverydecadeandputcracksinhisconcentration.
Hecouldn’tfithisregularthoughtsinbetweentheonesofhermoaning,thighsshakingwithherorgasm.Andwhathappened
afterward.

Whathadhappenedafterward?

Stillunclear.He’dbeenthrownthehelloff,heknewthatmuch.Normally,withawoman,therewasanorderlyphysicalprogression
fromkissingtomore.WithHallie,he’doperatedonblindinstinct,hisbodyintotalcontrol,nothismind.Yeah,he’dbeen
off-kilterwhenthefevercooled,tryingtoputhisheadbacktogether.Bythetimehe’dsucceeded,shewashalfwaytothe
door.

Whichwasforthebest,right?He’dbeentryingtoconvincehimselfofthatfortwodays.
Obviouslyshewasadangertohiscontrol.Controlherelieduponsohewouldn’taggravatehisanxiety.WithHallie,he’d
lostanysenseofself-preservationand…took.Gave.Gotlost.Withherbreathonhismouthandhergreen-thumbscent
infiltratinghisbrain,he’dmovedwithoutconsciousthought.Ifhe’dwantedtokeeptouchingher,ifhe’dwantedrelease,
he’dhadnochoice.Butcomingdownhadbeenlikecrashingintoawall.Hismindwasn’tsupposedtogoofflinelikethat.
Hisimpulsesweremeanttobe…

Subdued.
Funny,he’dneverthoughtofthemthatway.
Julianjerkedhischintotheside,settinglooseaseriesofcracksinhisneck.Tensionthatcontinuedtobuildwiththe
passageoftimesinceHallie’shastydeparture.NowSaturdaynighthadarrived,andhismoodwasnotthekindheshouldbe
unleashingonthegeneralpopulation,especiallywhenrepresentingVosVineyard,butwhatchoicedidhehave?Atleasthe
couldgetawayfromtheblankpagetauntinghimintheofficeforafewhours.

Natalietrudgedintothekitcheninstoicsilence,dressedinallblack,oversizedmirroredsunglasseshidinghereyes.One
mightthinktheywereontheirwaytoafuneral,insteadofanoutdoorwineeventonafinesummereveninginNapa.AndNatalie
couldeasilybethegrievingwidow,consideringshe’donlygottenoutofbedforthedayanhourearlier.

Whatwasgoingonwithhissister?Despitearebelliousphaseinheryouth,NataliehadturnedintoaGradeAoverachieveronceshe’d
gottenitoutofhersystem.Once,afternothearingfromherforawhile,he’dcheckedherFacebookpageandfoundshe’d
postedaForbesarticleinwhichshe’dbeentoutedasarisingstarintheworldofinvesting.Addinhermissingengagement
ringandthingshadobviouslytakenaturn.ButtheVosfamilyoperatedonaneed-to-knowbasis.Theydidn’texactlyshoot
theshit.Informationwasgivenoutasneededand,moreoftenthannot,kepttooneself.

Whywasthat?
Growingup,he’dmoreorlessassumedthatsuckingitupandhandlingacrisisalone,soasnottodisappointorinconvenienceanyone,wasnormal.Incollege,he’dbeenshockedbyhisroommate’ssemiweeklyphonecalltohisparents,duringwhichhetoldthemeverypieceofinformationunderthesun,fromhiscafeteriamealstothegirlshedated.Then,asahistoryprofessor,he’dwitnessedthecloserelationshipshisstudentshadwiththeirparents,aswell.OnFamilyWeekendatStanford,theyshowedupindroveswearingredsweatshirtsandbearingcarepackages.They…gaveashit.
Perhapsnoteveryfamilywasclose,sharingtrialsandtriumphsasamatterofcourse.Butbasedonthereal-worlddatahe’d
witnessedwithhisveryowneyes,familiesthatcaredaboutoneanotherweremorecommonplace—andhealthier—thanhis.

Iwouldtellheryou’regladshe’sherewithyou.Butbeforeyousayit,makesureyoumeanit.She’llbeabletotellthe
difference.
HecutNatalieaspeculativeglance,hearingHallie’swordsinhishead—farfromthefirsttimetoday.Infact,sinceshe’d
leftThursdaynight,bravingastormtogetawayfromhim,he’dbeenhearingthegardener’svoiceinhisfuckingsleep.

Natalieremovedaflaskfromherpurse,unscrewedthecaplazily,andtippedittoherlips.Afterasecondgulp,sheoffered
himthemetalcontainer.

“No,thankyou,”hesaidautomatically.Why,though?Didn’thewantabeltofwhateverwasinthatflask?Yes.Obviously.Hehadn’tsleptsinceThursdaynightduetohisbrain’sinsistence
onreplayingeverysecondofhisinteractionwithHallieonatorturousloop.“Actually…yes,I’llhavesome.”

Natalie’seyebrowsshotupbehindhersunglasses,butshepassedhimtheflaskwithoutcomment.“Roughgoingonthebook,
bigbrother?”

Hestudiedtheopeningofthecontainerforamoment,tryingnottomakeamentallistofallthereasonsheshouldn’timbibehardliquoratfiveo’clock.Forone,he’dhavetointeractwiththepubliconbehalfofthefamilybusiness—whichmightbeinmoretroublethananyonerealized.Andtwo,hedesperatelyneededtogetbacktohisbookatsomepoint.Butifhehadadrinkthisearly,hewouldalmostcertainlyhavetwo,whichwouldleadtolethargicthoughtstomorrow.
Hallierunningawayfromhimintotherain,feelingshurt.
“Thehellwithit,”hemuttered,tiltingtheflasktonearlyaninetydegreeangle,lettingtheriverofwhiskeywarmapath
downhisthroatandhithisemptystomachlikeaboulder.“Icanalreadytellthatwasaterribledecision,”hesaid,handing
thewhiskeybacktoNatalie.

Shetookanotherripofthedrink,thenstuffeditbackintoherpurse.“EvidentlyI’mrubbingoffonyou.”
Normally,hewouldletthatcrypticstatementgowithoutcomment.Lettingsomeone’sbadmoodgounaddressedwasthestandard.
Noneofhisbusiness.Only,itwas,wasn’tit?“Whydoyousaythat?Haveyou…madeanybaddecisionslately?”

“What?”Nataliedidadoubletake.“Whyareyouaskingmethat?”
Apparentlycommuningwithone’sfamilywasharderthanhethought.“Forone,yousleptuntilfouro’clockintheafternoon.
Nowyou’redressedlikeyou’regoingtodeliveraeulogyinsteadofshakinghandsatsomethingcalledWineDownNapa.”

“MaybeI’meulogizingthegrapes.DoyouknowhowmanyofthemhadtodiesopeoplefromOklahomacanpretendthey’regetting
anoakyaftertaste?”

ShewouldgetalonggreatwithHallie
Thatthoughtcameoutofnowhereandstucklikeanarrowinhisjugular.
Well,hemightaswellletthatpossibilitygorightnow.NatalieandHalliewouldprobablyneverspendtimetogether,unlessoneofthesedaysNatalieactuallywentoutsideandintroducedherselfintheyard.Afterall,Hallieprobablyneverwantedtoseehimagain—andrightlyso.Howcouldonewomandrawhiminsointensely,whilethrowinghimsofaroutsidehiscomfortzone?
Herubbedatthethrobinthecenterofhisforehead.“IjustwishyouwouldtellmewhathasbroughtyoubacktoSt.Helena,
Natalie.”

“Yougofirst.”
Julianfrowned.“I’mwritingabook.”
“‘I’mwritingabook,’”shemimicked.“Ifallyouwantedwastowriteabook,youcouldhavedoneitbackatStanford.”Her
fingersfiddledwiththeair.“Subtracttwohoursofgymtimeperweek,eatyourmealsfiveminutesfaster.There’syourwriting
time.Youdidn’thavetocometoNapatowriteWexler’sadventures.”

Heblinked.Shiftedagainsttheisland.“Howdidyouknowmyhero’snameisWexler?Haveyoubeenreadingmymanuscript?”
Didhercolordeepen?“Imighthaveskimmedapageortwo.”Shelookedlikeshewasconsideringreachingforherflaskagain.
Instead,shethrewoutafrustratedhand.“Howlongareyougoingtoleavehimdanglingoverthatstupidcliff?”

“Youseemoddlyinvested,”hesputtered,kindof…touchedthathissisterseemedconcernedaboutoldWexler?
“I’mnot,”shesaid,wavinghimoff.“Just,like…hehasagrapplinghookattachedtohisbelt.Incaseyouforgot.”
He’dtotallyforgotten.“Ididn’t.”
“No,ofcoursenot.”Shesighed,pursingherlips.Then:“Whydidyoumakehimblond?”Hisexpressionmusthavebetrayedhis
utterpuzzlement,becausesheelaborated.“Blondmenareunrelatable.”

Alaughcameveryclosetosneakingoutofhim.Thatwashappeningmoreandmorefrequentlylately,wasn’tit?Hecouldn’trememberhischesteverhavingfeltthisloose.Butthenwhy,aroundHallie,diditgetsotightagain?“Thatsoundsliketheory,notfact.”
“Nope.It’sfact.Haveyoueverstoodtheretalkingtoamanwithwhite-blondhairandnotspeculatedonhislifestyle?You
can’tnotdoit.It’simpossible.Youdon’thearasinglewordcomingoutofhismouth.”

“Soyou’resayingIshouldmakeWexlerabrunette.”
“Obviously,yes.Look.Blondmensaythingslike‘hottubbing’andtheygohikinginYosemitewiththecoolgirl.Iwantto
rootforaguywhoisunlikelytogoonanadventure.”Shegavehimawrylook.“Likeyou.”

Julianmadeasound.“I’lltakethehair-colorchangeunderadvisement.”
“Great.”Shewaitedabeat.“Soyouarejustgoingtoowntheunadventurouslabel?”
“Noargumentsthere,”hesaidbriskly,nudgingthebrassmallardonthekitchenisland.“Unlessyoucounthavingasecret
admirerasadventurous.”

“What?”Natalieslappedahanddownonthemarble.“Noway.What?Youarelying.”

“Nope.They’vebeensittingrighthere.MaybeifI’dkepttheminthewinerefrigerator,you’dhavefoundthem.”Hegrinned
athermiddlefinger.“AtfirstIthoughtyouwroteitasaprank,butthey’retoo…”

“There’ssexstuffinthem?”
“No.Nothinglikethat.”Linesfromthesecondletterdriftedthroughhishead.“They’rejust…morepersonalthanonewouldgetwhenpullingaprank,Isuppose.”
Sherakedbothhandsdownherface,draggingtheskinbeneathhereyesfartherthanseemedwise.“OhmyGod.Ineedtoknow
everything.”

“Thereisnothingimportanttoshare.”Sayingthatmadehisstomachsour.Whydidhehavesuchaloyaltytothisunknownperson?
Perhapsbecause,althoughheknewHalliehadn’twrittenthoseletters,somepartofhimsecretlywishedshehad.Outofsheer
masochism,he’dimaginedherpenningthosewordsonthepages,andhe’dsortofgottenstuckpicturingherastheadmirer.
Whichwasnothingshortofridiculousandyetanotherwayforthegardenertooccupyhisbraindayandnight.“I’mnotgoing
towriteback.”

“Fuckthat.Yes,youare,Julian.”Sheclaspedherhandstogetherbeneathherchin.“Pleaseletmehelp?Iamsobored.”

“No.”Heshookhishead,thebitternessinhisstomachturningevenmoreacidic.“I’mheretowork.Idon’thavetimefor
somesortofridiculouspenpal.”

Natalie’sshouldersslumped.“Iofficiallyhateyourguts.”
Guilttrickledinslowly.Whywashedenyinghissistersomethingthatmightserveasadistractionfromwhateverwascausing
hertodrinktoomuchandhibernateinherdarkbedroom?Anyway,maybeheshouldwritebacktotheadmirer.Iffornootherreasonthantosatisfyhiscuriosity.Obviouslyatsomepointhewouldhaveto
putthegardeneroutofhismind.HecouldeitherdoitnoworwhenheinevitablyreturnedtoStanford.Ifhecouldstoppicturing
Halliewhenhereadthosewords,movingoneventuallywouldbealoteasier.

Stilldidn’tfeelright,nomatterwhichwayheslicedit.Damn,she’dgottentohim.
Although,writingthereturnletterdidn’tnecessarilymeanhehadtosendit.ButhavingamutualprojectmightcreateanopeningforNatalietoconfideinhim.Hewantedthat,didn’the?“Allright,
sincewehavesometimetokillbeforeweleave,youcanhelpmewritearesponse,”hesaidgrudgingly,alreadyregretting
thedecision.Atleastuntilhissisterstartedfistpumpingherwayaroundthekitchen,moreanimatedthanhe’dseenher
sinceshe’dcomehome.

***
Forty-fiveminuteslater,JulianandNatalietrudgedupthepathtothemainhouse.Nataliewalkedtohisright,freshlywritten
letterinhand,rowsofgrapesextendingoutpastherlikeoutstretchedarmsintotheevening.Lightfromhismother’swindows
beckonedahead,cricketschirpedintheneardistance,andthatelusivevineyardsmellhungintheair.Kindoflikeathree-day-old
floralarrangement.He’dforgottenhowfamiliaritcouldbe.

“Wherearewesupposedtoleavetheletteragain?”
Julianbitbackasighandpointedatthetreestumpabouttwentyyardsaway,shakinghisheadwhenNatalieskippedtoward
itgleefully.Hedidn’thavethehearttotellherhewouldcomeoutlatertonightandtakeitback.Norcouldheregretthe
timethey’dspenttogetherwritingtheresponse.Suchasimpleactivityhadloosenedsomethingbetweenhimandhissister.
Enoughforhimtopry?

“Youmentionedthatyou’reboredinSt.Helena,”hesaidslowly.“Sowhyaren’tyoubackinNewYork,Natalie?”
Shefinishedtuckingtheletterintothestump,turned,androlledhereyes.“Iknow.I’mintrudingonyoursolitude.”
“No,I’m…I’mgladyou’reherewithme.”Herstepfalteredastheystartedupthepathagain,sidebyside.AndJulian
musthavemeantwhathesaidaboutbeingglad,becauseshedidn’tcallhimaliar.Inthatmoment,hehadthemostpressing
urgetotellHalliewhatwashappening.Tocallherrightinthemiddleofit,althoughsheprobablywouldn’tevenanswer.

“IguessyoucouldsaythatI’m…worried,”hetackedonaroundthegooseegginhisthroat.“Aboutyou.That’sall.”
Severalsecondstickedpastbeforeshelaughed,turned,andcarriedonupthepath.“You’reworriedaboutme?Youhaven’t
calledmeinayear.”

Hisstomachsank.“Hasitreallybeenthatlong?”
“Giveortake.”
“Well.”Followingher,heclaspedhishandsbehindhisback.Unclaspedthem.“I’msorry.Ishouldn’thaveletsomuchtime
pass.”

Hefeltherconsideringhimfromthecornerofhereye.“Iguessit’snotthathardtounderstandwhy.Aftereverythingthat
happened…”

“I’drather…”Heavoidedlookingatthevineyard.“Dowehavetotalkaboutthefire?”
“Dowehavetotalkaboutthefactthatyouwereatotalheroandsavedmylife?”Sheletoutanexasperatedlaugh.“No,I
guessnot.Iguesswecanignorethefactthatyouwereincrediblethatnight,butourfatheronlysawwhathappenedafterward.
Hehadnorighttojudgeyoulikethat,Julian.Tocallyouunfittobeinvolvedwithyourfamilyvineyard.Hewaswrong.”

Juliancouldn’tunclenchhisjawtorespond.Hecouldonlyseeimagesfromthatnight.Thenighttimeskylituplikesomethingfromtheapocalypse,puttingthepeoplehelovedindanger.Peoplehewassupposedtoprotect.Needlesdiggingintohischest.Hisfingerscurlingintohispalmsandremainingthatway.Stuck.Everyonewatchinghimcomeapart.
Thatslowslideintonothingnessafterwardthathecouldn’tbreakfreefrom,nomatterhowmuchhecommandedhimselftofocus,
topullittogether.No,instead,he’dgonedark.Lefteveryoneelsetosortoutthemesswhilehenavigatedhismentalfallout.

“It’smyfault,”Nataliesaidquietly.
ThatbrokeJulianoutofhishazeofdiscomfort,hisattentionwhippingtotheright.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
Eveninthemutedlight,hecouldseetheredstainingherface.“Ifyoudidn’thavetosaveme,ifIhadn’tputyouthrough
that,youwouldn’thavelostitinfrontofhim.Ishouldn’tevenhavegoneintotheshed.Thefirewasmovingtoofast—”

“Natalie.Don’tberidiculous.”Realizinghowharshhesounded,hesoftenedhistone.“Youdidn’tdoanythingwrong.Nothingisyourfault.”

Shemadeasound,keptherfaceaverted.“Couldhavefooledme.Imean,weweren’texactlytheTannerfamilytobeginwith,
butwe’vebarelyspokenatallsincethen.”

“Itakeresponsibilityforthat.Ishouldhavebeenbetterabout…beinginyourlife.Obviouslyyou’veneededsome—”
Nataliestoppedwalkingabruptly,aglintinhereyethathecouldonlyinterpretasdangerous.“Somewhat?Guidance?Advice?”
“I’mgoingtogowith‘support.’”
Afewdegreesoftensionlefthissister,butherexpressionremainedsuspicious.Sheopenedhermouthandcloseditagain.Turnedinacircleandlookedoutatthevineyard.“Okay,sinceyou’resodeeplyconcerned,Julian.I…”Thecornersofhermouthturneddown.“Imadeaplayonaninvestmentandittanked.Hard.Like…”
Hertoneturnedchoppy.“Abilliondollarshard.Iwasasked—forced,really—tostepdownatthefirm.Andmyfiancé…
ex-fiancé…brokeourengagementtosaveface.”Alumpmovedupanddowninherthroat.“MorrisonTalbotthethirdwastoohumiliatedtobeassociatedwithme.And,ofcourse,sinceIamnolongerbeingpaid,Iwastheonewhomovedout
oftheapartment.”Shesplayedherhands.“SohereIam.Half-drunk,talkingshitaboutblondmenandwritingloveletters
withmybrother.Wow,thatreallydoesn’tsoundgoodoutloud.”

Juliancouldn’thidehisshock.She’djustbeenquietlylivingwiththisbaggagesincearrivinginSt.Helena?Hedidn’thave
acluewheretobegin…what?Comfortingher?Hereallyshouldhaveclarifiedhisgoalbeforehestartedtoquestionher.
“Yourex-fiancé’snameisMorrisonTalbotthethirdandyou’recallingblondmenunrelatable?”

Nataliestaredathimblanklyforlongmoments,butitonlytookJulianhalfofoneofthosemomentstoknowhewasnotgood
atthis.Atleast,untilhissisterburstintolaughter.Theloudkindthatrangoutacrossthevineyardandloosenedthat
elusivesomethinginsideofhimalittlemore.Hestartedtothinkmaybe—maybe—hewouldjoinherinlaughing,butavoice
slicedabruptlythroughtheeveningandcutoffthesound.

“Ihadafeelingyouweren’tjusthomeforavisit,”hismothersaid,comingdowntheporchstepsofthemainhouse.Herfeatureswerebacklitbytheflickeringlanternshangingoneithersideofthefrontdoorandmostlyhidden,butJuliansworeaflashofhurtcrossedhismother’sfacebeforeshereplaceditwithamaskofindifference.“Well.”Sheranahandalongtheloopofhersilkscarf.“Howlongwereyouplanningtowaitbeforeaskingformoney?”
Hissister’sspinesnappedstraight.Julianwaitedforhertoissueadenial,tosaythatshewouldn’tbeaskingformoney—if
fornootherreasonthanpride—butshedidn’t.Intheend,shelookedtheirmothersquareintheeyeandtookaking-size
pullfromherflask.

“Lovely,”mutteredCorinne.
Itwasn’tlostonJulianthattheywerestandinginthesamespot—orcloseto,anyway—wheretheVosfamilyhadbeeninformed
thefirewasmovingfasterthanoriginallypredicted.Ofcourse,theywereminusonemember.HisfatherwasinEuroperacing
FormulaOnecars.Buttheywerehere.Theyhadproblemstosolve.Washegoingtoletanabsentpresencedictatehowandwhenthatwasdone?

No.Juliandidn’tthinkhewould.Whathadfouryearsofsilenceyielded,exceptforthethreeofthemsufferingalone,stubbornly
refusingtoturntooneanotherforsupportorsolutions?“Corinne.”Hecoughedintohisfist.“Mother.Natalieisn’tthe
onlyonewhohasbeenhidingsomething.”

“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”Corinnesnapped,quickly.Tooquickly.
Whenhenoticedthelayerofpanicinhereyes,hesoftenedhistone.“Thevineyard.Wehaven’tquitemadeitbackafterthe
fire.Salesaredown.Competitionisfierce.Andwecan’taffordtoimplementthechangesthatwillmakeusviableagain.”

Nataliedroppedtheflasktoherhip.“Thevineyard…isn’tdoingwell?”
“Wearedoingfine,”Corinnestressed,lettingoutaforcedlaugh.“YourbrotherwasprobablyspeakingtoManuel.Ourmanagerisaworrier,alwayshasbeen.”
“Ourequipmentismalfunctioningandoutdated.I’veseenitwithmyowneyes.Thepublicrelationsteamisonpermanentleave.
We’rebehindonproduction—”

“I’mdoingthebestIcan,”Corinnehissed.“Youthinkitwaseasytobehandedaburned-outvineyardalongwithdivorcepapers?
Itwasn’t.I’msorryit’snotuptoyourstandards,Julian.”Hestartedtoarguethathewasn’tblaminganyone,letalone
her,buthismotherwasn’tfinished.“DoyouknowIhavetoattendaluncheonnextweekinhishonor?It’sthetwentiethanniversary
oftheNapaValleyAssociationofVintnersbeingformed,whichI’lladmithasdonealotofgoodintheregion.Hemightbe
theirfoundingfather,buthe’snotevenhere!Thisplaceisfallingintodisrepair,andyettheywanttocelebratetheglorydays.Yourfathertrailblazedapathtothemliningtheirpockets.Theydon’tcare
thatheabandonedthisplaceandhisfamily.He’sstilltheirhero.AndI’m…”

“You’retheonethatkeptthedoorsopen,despiteitall.I’mnotblamingyouforthedecline.Please,Iwouldn’tdothat.
I’masking…”

Inthebackofhismind,hecouldhearhisfather’svoiceechoingthroughthevines.You’vealwaysbeenafuckingheadcase,haven’tyou?JesusChrist.Lookatyou.Pullyourselftogether.Sticktoteachingandjust…stayawayfromwhat
I’vebuilt,allright?
Stayawayfromthevineyard.
Whetherhisfather’sassessmentsweretrueornot,hewasn’tleavinghisfamilytocarrytheirburdensaloneanymore.His
fatherwasgone.Julianwasthere.Hecoulddosomething.“I’maskingtohelp,Mother.IknowI’mnotnecessarilywelcome—”

“Notwelcome?”Corinneshookherhead.“You’remyson.”
Histhroatmusclesfeltstiff.“I’mreferringtowhathappened.AndIunderstandifmyinputmakesyouuncomfortable,but
frankly,that’stoobad.You’regettingit,anyway.”

Corinnemadeasmallsound,buryingherfaceinherhandsamoment.JustwhenJulianassumedshewasworkingupthecourage
toaskhimtoremaindetachedfromthebusiness,shecameforwardwithopenarmsandembracedhim.Forseveralseconds,he
couldonlystaredumbfoundedathissisterbeforeshe,too,cameforwardandwrappedherarmsaroundbothhimandCorinne.
“Ididnothavethisontoday’sbingocard,”Nataliesniffed.

“I’msorry.Tobothofyou.”Apparentlyhavingreachedhercapacityforemotionaldisplays,Corinneshiftedfreeofthegroup
hug.“Ithasbeenalongfouryears.Ijust…Ineverwantedeitherofyoutofeelunwelcomeinyourownhome.Youmight
havenoticedIhaveahardtimeadmittingIneedhelp.Oreven..
“Well,you’vegotitnow,”Nataliecrowed,hoistingherflask.“I’mneverleaving!”
“Let’snotgetcarriedaway,”Corinnesaid,smoothingthesleeveofherdress.
Julianneededmoretimetoprocesstherevelationsofthelastfiveminutes.Fornow,heneededadistractionfromthegrowing
notchinhissternum.Rememberingthesmallboxstuffedintohisjacketpocket,Julianremovedtheobject,holdingitout
toCorinne.“Thisisonlyasmallstart,butIthoughtwecouldhandtheseouttonightatourtable.”

Corinneshiedawayfromthewhiteboxlikeitmightcontainagartersnake.“Whatisit?”
“Businesscards.ForCorkedonGrapevineWay.”Thetwowomenstaredathiminexpectantsilence.“Thereisanewwineshopnextdoorgivingtheowner,Lorna,somecompetition.Ithoughtwecouldsendsomebusinessherway.Intheprocess,we’regivingpeopleanincentivetobuyourwine.Here,look.”Heflippedopenthetop.“It’sasmalldiscountonVoswine.Nothingmajor.Butit’safirststeptowardsellingthestockcurrentlyonshelvesandmakingwayforthenewvintage.Wholesaleorderswillremainlowuntilweclearwhat’salreadythere—andthere’salot.Let’sgetthemoneyweneedtomakethisplacewholeagain.Itwon’tberestoredovernight,butwehavetheframework,andthat’shalfthebattle.”
Hismotherandsistertradedaneyebrowraise.
“Whatbroughtthison?”askedCorinnewhileexaminingabusinesscard.“Haveyousecretlybeenwantingtohelpallthistime?”
Hallie.Makingherhappier.“Obviously,Idon’thaveastakeinthesituation.Ijust…”Breatheeasierwhenthereislessofachanceofourgardenercrying.“Thoughtitcouldlookgoodforthevineyard.Youknow,onelocalbusinesshelpinganother.”

Thoughvisiblyskeptical,Corinnefinallytooktheboxandremovedthetop,sighingatwhatsherevealed.“Well,atleast
they’renottacky.”

“Thankyou,”saidJulian,briskly.
“Wait.Didyoudesignbusinesscardsforalocalretailshop?”Henodded,promptinghissistertocontinue.“Andyou’regettingsecretadmirerletters.”Natalielookeddownatthemetalcontainerinherhand.“Ineedtogetoutmore.”

“Youarelookingquitepale,”hismothercommented.

Natalieturnedandletoutastrangledscreamovertherowsofgrapes.
Yes.Thingscertainlywouldn’tchangeovernight.Withthemorthevineyard.Buthelliftheyweren’tatleastpointedintherightdirectionnow.
“Weshouldgo,”Juliansaid,headingforthecourtyardanddrivewayofthemainhouse.“Wouldn’twanttobelatetoWineDown.”
“Youdon’thavetosayitlikethat,”hismothercomplainedinawitheringtone.“Sarcastically.”
“He’snot,”Natalieinterjected.“Thenameitselfisdoingallofthesarcasmheavylifting.DoIhaveaminutetoruninside
andpee?”

JulianandCorinnegroaned.
“Shutup,”Nataliecalledoverhershoulder,trottingbacktowardthehouse.Despitehisexasperation,thenightdidn’tfeel
likeatotalchoreanymore.Ifhe’dspenttonightworking,hewouldhavemissedtherevelationfromhissister.Ortheseawkward
familymomentswithCorinnethatweresemi-painful,butalso…them.Forsolong,he’dbeenfocusedonmakingeveryminute
productive.Butperhapshisdefinitionof“productive”wasbeginningtoshift.
ChapterTwelve
Hallielovedcrowds.
Beingabletoheareveryonespeakingatoncebutnotmakeoutasingleword.Thefactthatallthesepeoplehaddressedup
anddriventothesamelocation,allatonce,foraspecialpurpose.Crowdswereacelebrationofmovementandcolorandtrying
newthings.

Forthesecondyearinarow,she’dagreedtohelpLaviniaandJeromebehindthecounteratWineDownNapa.Convincingthe
festivalcommitteetoagreetoallowadonutshoptodisplayattheeventhadtakensomefancyfootwork,butthegooeybaked
goodswereahugehittheyearprior,leadingtoalotofstuffyconnoisseurswalkingaroundthemassivetentwithchocolate
wingsextendingoutfromthecornersoftheirmouths.Lookingaroundthebuzzingaislesofvendors,Halliewaspleasedto
seeanevenmoreeclecticmixthisyear.

Mostofthedisplayswereforlocalvineyards,andtheywereelaborate.Tasteful.WineDownNapadidn’thavethefeelingofatypicalindoormarket.IntrueNapastyle,theboothswereconstructedofpolishedwood.Therewasastepandrepeatbehindeachonesplashedwiththevineyard’slogo.Romanticlightinghadbeenangledthroughoutthetenttocreateadreamlikeatmosphere,fairylightstwinklingontheceiling,turningwineglassesintoenchantedgoblets.ButinadditiontoFudgeJudybreachingtheboundariesofwineworld,therewasanexhibitforgourmetdogtreatsandanotherforCBDgummies.They’dcastawidenet.
Ticketholderswerebeginningtoarrive,journalistsinpressbadgessnappingpicturesofpeopleenjoyingtheirfirstglasses
ofwine,anglingtheshotstocapturethesprawlingcourtyardoftheMeadowoodhotelinthebackground.Theairwassultry;
orchestramusicdrifteddownthemountainandthroughthetentonalightJunebreeze.Andshecouldn’thelpbutremember
hergrandmotherroamingtheaislesslowlylastyear,sayinghellotooldfriendsandnew,acceptingpamphletsforvineyard
tourstobepolite.

LaviniacameupbesideHallieandgaveheragentlehipbump.“Afterweeksofdesigningthenew,ultrarefinedMerlotcruller,
theLuckyCharmsdonutholeswillprobablybeourbiggestseller.Notevenwinesnobscanresistanartificiallyflavored
marshmallow.”

HalliedroppedherheadtoLavinia’sshoulder.“EspeciallywhentheCBDkicksinandtheyrelax.Hopefullynotenoughtomistake
thedogbiscuitsfordonuts.”

“Oh,Idon’tknow.Couldbeentertaining.”
Theylaughed,watchingmoreandmorepeoplearriveinthetent,variouslevelsofVIPaccessdisplayedaroundtheirnecks.
“So,”Laviniaprompted.“Wewereinsuchamadrushtogetsetup,Ihaven’thadachancetoask.Whatisthelatestwith
ourillustriousprofessor?”

Hallieblewoutabreath,hergazedriftingovertotheVosVineyardbooth.Noonehadarrivedyet,thoughthey’dmostlikelytappedtheirin-housesommeliertorepresentthemtonight.AndevenifCorinneVosmadeanappearance,Juliandefinitelywouldn’tbethere.She’dassuredherselfofthatforthelasttwodaysandstillcouldn’tpreventthelowsinkofdisappointmentinherbelly.“Oh,um…”SheadjustedherFudgeJudyapron,heatcreepingupthesidesofherface.“Thelatestisn’treallyupfordiscussion.Notinpolitecompany.”
Laviniarearedbackwithraisedeyebrows.“GoodthingI’mnotpolite.”
HalliethrewapointedlookatJerome.“Later.”
“Oh,comeon,webothknowI’mgoingtotellhim,anyway.”
“Goodtoknow.”Theystoppedtosmileattwoguestswhowanderedpastlookingdowntheirnosesatthedonuts.Theywoulddefinitely
comecrawlingbackafterafewglassesofwine,though.“Theremighthavebeensome…furtherintimacy.Notthewhole
enchilada.Morelike,Idon’tknow,jalape?opoppers.”

“YouarespeakingtoaBritishwomaninMexicanfoodterminology.Doesnottranslate.”
“Sorry.It’sjustthat…honestly,I’mnotreallysurewhathappenedinJulian’skitchen.”Sheonlyknewherentirebodystartedtotinglethinkingaboutit.Hisbreathonherneck,
theirmouthsinterlockedandpanting.“Orifitwasa-a…normalthingtodo?”

Laviniawasagog.“Fuckoff.Hetriedanal?”
“No!”Hercheekswerehotenoughnowtobefreshfromtheoven.“Notthat.”
“Oh,thankGod.”Laviniabrieflydoubledover.“Iwasgoingtoneedacigaretteforthis.”
“Itwasmorelike…”Hallielookedaroundtomakesurenobodywaswithinearshot,thendroppedhervoicetoawhisper.“Theinternetcallsitmutualmasturbation.”
“Bloodyhell,Idoneedthatcigarette.”Laviniastaredatherforabeat.“What?”
“Iknow.”
Jeromeapproachedhiswifefrombehind,hisdefaultsuspiciousexpressioninfullswing.“What’sgoingonhere?”
“I’lltellyoulater,”Laviniasaidquickly.“Butinbrief:itinvolveswanking.”Withoutmissingabeat,Jerometurnedand
moseyedtotheothersideofthebooth.LaviniashruggeddefensivelyinthefaceofHallie’ssputteringshock.“Ihadtoget
ridofhimsoIcanheartherestofit,didn’tI?”

Hallieslumped.“Thereisnorestofit.ThistimeI’mreally,reallysureitwasthelastoccasionwe…dosomethingbothconfusingand…”Shetriedtoswallow,buthermouthwastoo
dry,thankstothesensualmemoriesbombardingher.Thewayhe’dgroundhishardnessthere,themovementsofhishandspeeding
up,hisgruntofhername.“…arousing.Together.”

“Yes,yes,”Laviniasaid,peeringatherthoughtfully.“Icanseeyouaredefinitelycapableofsayingno.Yournipsaren’t
hardoranything.”

“What?”Hallielookeddownandsawtheapronwasdefinitelylowenoughtomakeouttheoutlineofhernipples—andtheywere
indeedbullet-shaped.Hadtheybeenanythingbutpuckeredanduncomfortableforthelasttwodays?Withahastyyank,she
tuggeduptheneckoftheaprontocovertheevidence.“No,really.”Shehesitatedamoment,thenblurted,“Iwrotehima
secondsecretadmirerletter.Soberthistime.”

Laviniarockedbackonherheels.“No.Youdidn’t.”
“Lavinia,notemytrackrecordofcomplicatingthings.YouknowIdid.”Shebitherlip.“Andtheywererightthere,inplainviewinhisFoodNetwork–worthykitchen.Hequotedthematme,andIcouldn’tbringmyselftotellhimI’mtheauthor.”

Herbestfriendcrossedherself.“OnlyGodcansaveyounow,HallieWelch.”
“That’salittledramatic.”Nervousenergysnappedinherveins.“Right?”
“What’salittledramatic?”
TheybothturnedtofindOwenstandingatthefrontofthebooth.Atfirst,Halliewonderedifmaybethemanwasaneviltwin.
Oradoppelg?nger.Sinceshe’donlyeverseenOweninjeansandaT-shirt.Orshortsandgardeningshoes.Buttonighthewore
pressedslacksandatucked-inpoloshirt,hairstyled.Andwasthatcologne?

“Owen.Darling.”Laviniarecoveredfromtheinterruptionfirst,leaningacrossthetabletokissOwenonbothcheeks.“You
lookfabulous.”

“Thanks.”Ratheradorably,hescrubbedatthebackofhisneck.“Sametoyou.”HisattentiondriftedtoHallieandstuck.
“Youlookgreattonight,too,Hallie.Reallygreat.”

Shelookeddownatheroutfitofchoice,mostofwhichwascoveredbytheapron.Probablyagoodthing,consideringshe’d
founditimpossibletosettleonanensemble,soshe’dendedupwithalow-cutfloralshirttuckedintoaplaid,high-waisted
skirt.Atleastherhairwasinordertonight,curlstamedandloosearoundhershoulders.“Thanks,Owen—”

Herwordscutthemselvesoff.Becausewhensheglancedupfromherschizophrenicgetup,therehewas,directlyoverOwen’s
shoulder.

JulianVoshadenteredthetent.
Itwasshockingtofindoutthatshe’dalmostslightlygottenusedtohispresence—butonlywhenitwasjustthetwoofthem.Inpubliclikethis?HewasaVanGoghinagallery
ofchildren’sfingerpaintings.Hewasquitesimplyincomparable.Tallandintenseandhandsomeandattention-grabbing.Kind
ofimpatient-looking,ontopofitall.Everyheadturnedathisarrival,asifthey’dsensedashiftintheatmosphericbalance.

Heworeastarchedwhiteshirttotallydevoidofwrinklesandnavyblueslacks.Aburgundytie.Cufflinks.Helookedlike
thetypeofmanwhowouldwearthoseold-fashionedsockgartersbelowtheknee.Andshe’dtouchedherselfinfrontofhim.
He’ddonethesame.They’dbeencompletelyweakinfrontofeachotherwhilethestormrampagedoutside,andseeinghimnow,
socomposedandincharge,madethewholethingfeellikeadream.

“Betyou’dhavedoneanal,”Laviniasaidoutofthecornerofhermouth.
Thankfully,JeromeandOwenwereengagedinaconversationaboutgolfanddidn’toverhear.“Couldyoupleaseneverbringthat
upagain?”Hallieimplored.

“He’llbetheonebringingitup,ifyoucatchmymeaning.”

“Oh,don’tworry.Ido.You’reassubtleasachainsaw.”
HallieorderedherselftostopstaringatJulian,whowasnowcrossingthetentwithhismotherandsister.Andshefailed.
Everyoneinthetentdid.VosVineyardmightbeinneedofanupgrade,butthefirstfamilyofSt.Helenamovedlikeroyalty
andlookedthepart,too.Meanwhilehereshestoodinmixedpatternstalkingaboutbuttsex.

Shewouldn’tchangeathing.Butthecontrastonlybroughtithomehowutterlyunaliketheywere.
NoneofthatseemedtomatterwhenJulianglancedoversharply,slowingtoastopwhenhesawherbehindtheFudgeJudycounter.OhmyGod,herheartwasgoingtobeatrightoutofherbody.Itwasmagic,havingthisgallant,thoughtfulmannoticeherfromacross
acrowdedroomandstopdeadinthemiddleofitall.Thosetimesshe’dopeneduptohimabouthergriefandone-thirdlife
crisis,she’dfeltsoutterlysafesharingwithhim.Didsheimaginethatbond?

No.Shecouldn’thave.
Inadditiontothemagicofbeingpinnedbythosewhiskeyeyesacrossthetent…wasnowlust.Theurgent,frustrating
kindshe’dneverexperiencedwithanyoneelse.Thekindshe’donlyhalfunderstoodwhilemooningathimonYouTube,before
hisreturntoSt.Helena.Beneaththoselustylayers,though,wasthewistfulnessofregret.

Everytimetheyconnected,thedisconnectbetweentheirpersonalitiesbecamealittlemoreobvious,andwhatcouldbedoneaboutthat?

“Hallie?”
Owenlaidahandonherarm,andshecaughtthebarestchangeinJulian’sexpression.Itcloudedover,agroovefashioning
itselfbetweenhisbrows.Amusclehadbeguntotickinhisjawwhenshefinallymanagedtowrestleherattentionawayfrom
JulianandfocusonOwen.Who,apparently,hadbeenaddressinghertonoavailforquitesometime.

“I’msorry.Allthisexcitement…”Herlaughsoundedstrained.“IthinkIhavewineenvy.”
Owenquicklysetdownthedonuthe’dpickedupwiththeprovidedpairofsilvertongs.“I’llgetyouaglass.Whatareyou
inthemoodfor?”

ShecouldnotletthismanrunaroundfetchingheradrinkwhenshewasrememberinghowJulian’sabdomenfeltflexingagainsthers.“No,that’sreallyokay,Owen—”
Hewasalreadyofflikeashot.
HallietradedaguiltylookwithLavinia,buttheydidn’thavetimetotalk.Thetentwasquicklyfillingupandpeoplewanted
donuts.Mainlybecause,unlikelastyear,alotofguestsseemedtohavebroughttheirchildren.Inthepast,nooneunder
theageoftwenty-onehadbeenadmittedtowine-tastingeventsinNapa,butsincethefirethatdamagedsomuchoftheregion,
followedbytheeconomicwreckingballofthepandemic,St.Helenahadslowlyadoptedmoreofafamily-friendlyimageinthe
hopesofappealingtonewvisitors.

Apparentlykidswerethenewestcaveat.
And,inthecaseofWineDown,thepitfallsofthatdecisionquicklybecameobvious.
Childrenranfigureeightsaroundtheolderclientele,theirmothersreceivingmorethantheirfairshareofjudgment.The
hostsoftheeventmighthaveallowedchildren,butbeingthatthebeverageofchoicewasalcohol,therewasnothingforthe
youngsterstodrinkoreat.

Exceptforthedonuts.
That’showHalliebecametheofficialbabysitterofWineDownNapa.
Itstartedoffwithasingleoffertowatchthetoddlerofanoverstressedmotherwhileshewentoffandindulgedinaglassofwine.Thenasecondfamilyapproached,inquiringabouttheprofessionalchildcareservices,towhichHalliesalutedthemwithherwineglass—andtheylefttheirchild,anyway.AlthoughLavinianeededHallieasanextrasetofhands,theparentswerebuyingdonutsingratitude,sotheytookthetrade-offandbootedHallieinfavoroftheextrasales.Halfanhourlater,shehadafootballteamofkidsundertheageofeightplayingredroveronthefieldoutsidethetentandchompingonchocolatecrullers.
Sheactuallylosttrackofwhichonehadeatenwhat.Orhowmany.
Nowthat,outofeverything,turnedouttobethebiggestmistake.
Hoppeduponanobsceneamountofsugar,thekidsdecidedtheywerethirsty.
“Iwantwater!”announcedoneofthedinosaur-obsessedtwinswhilepickingawedgie.
Whatwashisname?Shiloh?
“Oh,okay,”Halliesaid,lookingbacktowardthetent.Therehadtobewaterintheresomewhere,right?“Um,everyonehold
handsandlet’sgoinsidequietlyandcheck—”

“MOM!”Shilohscreamed,runningtowardthetent,barrelingthroughtheflap—followedbytherestofthechildren,allshouting
fortheirmothers.

“Wait.Guys,wait.”
Halliehurriedafterthemwithtwoemptydonutboxesunderherarms—whoa,empty?—butitwastoolatetopreventwhathappened
next.Sheenteredthetentjustintimetowatchthesugar-hypedkidsflyaroundlikepinballs.Wineglassessloshedinthe
handsofVIPguests,andintwocases,tableswerebumped,glassshatteringandthehumofconversationgrindingtoahalt.
Halliestoodjustinsidetheentranceinasortoftrance,hergazemovingunerringlytoJulian,whostoodontheotherside
oftheflabbergastedcrowd,aglassofwinepoisedhalfwaytohismouth.

Shecouldpracticallyhearhisthoughtsoutloud,theyweresoplainonhisface.
HerewasHallie,onceagainprovingherselfapurveyorofchaos.
Barelyfittobeamongadults.Andpatentlyincapableofmanagingchildren.
Destructionintheflesh—nowavailableforparties.
Julianloweredhisglass,setitdown,andjustmanagedtosteadyarowofwineflutesontheVosVineyarddisplaybefore
theywereknockedover.

Halliewincedandbeganchasingthewaywardchildren.ShewasquicklyjoinedbyOwen,whogaveherasympatheticsmile,which
wasalotmorecomfortingthanJulian’ssteely-eyedjudgment.

Likemosttimesshewasfacedwithanunpleasanttruthaboutherself,shedodgedit—andwhatelsecouldthatlookinJulian’s
eyesmeanexceptforexasperation?

Forgetabouthimandfixyourmess.ChapterThirteen
Owenhastogo.
Therewasalreadyacrowdassembled,wantingtobeentertainedforthenight.Whynotmakeitamurdermystery?Everyonecould
taketurnsguessingwhokilledtheredheadforcontinuouslyputtinghishandonHallie’sarm.They’deventuallyfigureout
itwasJulian,orwouldperhapstakeonelookathisfaceandknowstraight
God,hedidnotlikethewaytheywerelaughingtogether.Thewaytheysortofmatchedeachotherstepforstep,twovery
alikepeopleonthesamemission.Tamethemaniacswhowerecurrentlyblowinglikeminiaturecyclonesthroughtheevent,chocolate
andsprinklessmearedacrosstheirchinsandcheeks.ThepeoplesippingwineinfrontoftheVostablewerecomplainingabout
theshoddychildcare—andhelikedthatcriticismofHallieevenlessthanthesightofOwenstaringathercurlsasifeternally
fascinatedbytheirshape.

Actually,scratchthat.Hedidn’tlikeitless.
Hesimplylikednoneofthis.Whatsoever.
Havinghersoclose,lookingsofuckingbeautiful,andfeelingasifhewasn’tallowedtospeakwithher.Hadtheirlastencounterbeensobadthattheyweren’tevenonspeakingtermsanymore?
HerhaltinglaughreachedJulian,andatugstartedbehindhiscollar.He’dmissedthatlaugh.Haditreallyonlybeentwo
days?Washejustsupposedtoneverhearitagain,evenifembarkingonanysortofrelationshiptogetherwouldendindisaster?

No.Thatdidn’tworkforhim.
Juliandidn’trealizehewaswalkingtowardtheemceeboothinthecornerofthetentuntilhearrivedthereandheldout
hishand.“MayIborrowthemicrophoneforamoment?”

Theemceejuggledthemike,clearlycaughtoffguardbyJulian’sabruptapproach.Hewasthrownoff,aswell.Whatthehell
washedoing?

Joiningthefray.Justbecauseshe’sthere.
Refusingtoquestionthatdisconcertingcertainty,Julianraisedthemicrophonetohismouth.“IfImighthaveyourattention,
please?”Hecouldn’tseeanythingbutHallie’sblondheadpoppingupfromthefloor,whereshe’dbeentryingtocoaxacrying
childoutfromunderatable—withmoresugar,fortheloveofGod.“I’mbeginningchildren’sstorytimenowoutonthelawn.”Hecheckedhiswatchautomaticallytoregister
thetime.“Pleasesendthemoutsidenow.Pickthemupateightohfive.Thankyou.”

“ArewesureCBDdoesn’tgetpeopleatleastbuzzed?”Natalieaskedashepassed.“Icouldhaveswornyoujustsaidyouwere
conductingachildren’sstorytime.”

Abeadofsweattrickleddownhisspine.“Ididsaythat.”
“Why?”shesaid,visiblyastonished
Julianstartedtobrushoffthequestionorgiveanunsatisfactoryanswer,suchas,“Idon’tknow,”buthedidn’twanttotakeastepbackwardwithNatalie.They’dformedatenuousbondtonight.Ifhe’dlearnedanythinginthatbriefwindowoftime,itwasthathavingarelationshipwithhissistermeantsharingpotentiallyembarrassingthingswithher.“It’sbecauseofawoman.”
Natalie’smouthdroppedopen.“Anotherwoman?”

Jesus,whenshesaiditlikethat,itsoundedawful.“Well,yes.But…”
Therewassimplynowaytoexplainthathe’dcastthenetofhisinterestinHalliesofarandwidethatithadswallowed
uphissecretadmirer.He’dwishedthemtobeoneandthesame.Nowtheywereinseparableentities.

“Idon’tgetit.”Hissistersoundedalmostdazed.“Youbarelyleavethehouseandtherearetwowomenondeck.”
Julianscoffed.“Thatishardlythecase.”Shewaited,sayingnothing.Moresweatsliddownhisspine.“It’scomplicatedwith
Hallie.Wearen’tseeingeachother.Nothingcancomeofitandwe’reagreedonthematter.”Damn.Sayingthatoutloudfeltfarworsethanhissister’sclaimabouthimjugglingtwowomen.“It’sjustthatwhenshe’sintroubleorexperiencing
anykindofdistress,Ifeelsomewhat…upsetaboutit.”

Nataliestared.
“Thatistosay,IfeelasifI’mgoingtoexplodeifthesituationisn’tfixedforher.Whensheisn’tsmiling,theworld
becomesaterribleplace.”

Severalsecondspassed.“Doyouthinkwhatyou’resayingisnormal?”
“Forgetit,”Juliangrowled.“PleasecontinuetopassoutthedamnbusinesscardsforCorked.I’llbebackinawhile.”
Hestrodeoutofthetentwhileunfasteninghiscufflinksandtuckingthemintohispantspocketinordertorolluphissleeves.Itseemedlikeabestpracticewhendealingwithkids.Wouldn’twanttoappearintimidating.
BriskmountainairdriedthelayerofperspirationonJulian’sforeheadashewalkedoutofthetent.Hestoppedshortwhen
hefoundHalliehustlingadozenyoungstersintoahalfcircleonthelawn—whileOwenwatched,hisdevotiontoherclearer
thanafreshlywashedwindowpane.Theothermanturnedathisapproach,cautiouslysizinghimup.

Julian’ssleeve-rollingmovementsbecameincreasinglyhasty.“Hello.”
“Hi,”Owensaidback,takingaquicksipfromhiswineglass.“I’mOwenStark.”
Julianheldouthishand.Theyshook.Quitefirmly.He’dneverreallyconsideredhisheightanadvantageuntiltheotherman
hadtocranehisneckslightly.“JulianVos.”

“Yes,Iknow.”Theredhead’ssmiledidn’treachhiseyes.“It’snicetomeetyou.”
“Likewise.”Stateyourintentionstowardher,motherfucker“HowdoyouknowHallie?”

Wasithisimaginationordidthebastardlookalittlesmug?Yes,hewasdefinitelythekindofmanwhowouldmakeaperfect
guestofhonoratamurdermystery.“WeowncompetinggardeningbusinessesinSt.Helena.”Ofcourse,Julianhadalreadyknown
theanswertothat.Apparently,hejustwantedtotorturehimselfbyhearingthismanspeakwithfamiliarityaboutthewoman
whooccupiedhiseverythoughtthesedays.“Someday,I’mhopingtoconvincehertojoinforces.”

Nowthatwasnews.Orwasit?
Owen’semphasisonjoinforcesmadeitsoundasifhemeantsomethingelse—notbusinessrelated.Asin,apersonalrelationshipwithHallie.Marriage,even.Howclosewerethey,exactly?Andtruly,whatbusinesswasitofJulian’s,whensheappearedtowantnothingtodowithhimanymore?He
didn’tknow.Butthegravellygrindinhischestwassounpleasant,ittookhimamomenttospeak.“Maybeshedoesn’twant
tobeconvincedoritwouldhavehappenedbynow.”

“Maybesheneedstoknowamaniswillingtoplaythelonggame.”
IguessI’mgoingtokillhim.Juliansteppedcloser.“Oh,isitagametoyou?”

HallieslidinbetweenJulianandOwen,splittingastartledglancebetweenthemthatquicklyturnednonplussed.“Ohdear.”
HerhipbrushedJulian’sgroin,andhehadthemostpressingurgetodragherupagainsthimlikeafuckingcaveman.“M-maybe
wecancontinuethislater?Whenwearen’tunderthreatofmutiny?”

“Thatworksforme,”Owensaidwithabig,dumbsmile,salutingwithhiswine.
“Absolutely,”Julianagreed,keepinghiseyeontheothermanashewenttothefrontofthesemicircle.Andthenallhecould
dowasstandthereandabsorbtheabsolutedisarraythatlayathisfeet.Severalchildrenweresprawledoutonthegrass,
comingdownfromtheirsugarhighswithglazedeyesandtwitchinglimbs.Sprinklesweretrappedbeneathfingernailsandplastered
tothecornersofmouths.Oneofthemwasactuallylickingthegrass,anothertryingtobalanceasmallNikesneakeronhis
head.TwogirlsfoughtoveraniPadwithtwinexpressionsofviolence.“Well,aren’tyoualljustamess?Yourparentswill
havetohoseyoudownbeforeputtingyouinthecartonight.”

Adozenpairsofeyessnappedinhisdirection,someofthemstartled.
IncludingHallie’s.
Maybehisgreetinghadbeenalittleharsh—
Oneofthechildren—agirl—giggled.Andthentheyallstartedtogiggle.

“Ourmomsaren’tgoingtosprayuswithahose,”sheshouted,unnecessarily.
“Whynot?You’realldisgusting.”
Morelaughing.Oneofthemevenpitchedsidewaysontothelawn.Washedoingallrightatthis?He’dspentexactlyzerotime
aroundkidsthisyoung,buthiscollegestudentsdefinitelyneverlaughedathim.Theycouldbarelybebotheredtocracka
smile.Notthatheeverjokedduringalecture.Timewasaseriousmatter.Somehowhedidn’tthinkthesekidswouldappreciate
atalkontheimpactofcapitalismonthevalueoftime.

“Whydon’twetalkabouttimetravel?”
“Ithoughtyouweregoingtoreadusastory.”
Julianpointedafingerattheinterjector.“Disgustingandimpatient.I’mgettingtothestory.ButfirstIwanttohearwhereyouwouldgoonatime-travelingmission.”

“Japan!”
Henodded.“Japannow?Orahundredyearsago?Ifyouhoppedinyourtime-travelingmachineandarrivedinJapanintheyear
1923,youmightlandinthemiddleofthegreatearthquake.”Theyblinkedupathim.“Yousee,alltheeventsofthepast
arestill…active.Theyremaininorderofoccurrence,existinginalinearpath,beginningatastartingpointandreaching
allthewaytothismoment.Everythingyou’redoinginthismomentisbeingrecordedbytime,whetheryourealizeitornot.”

“Eventhis?”AboyinaSanDiegoZooshirtattemptedahandstand,landingatanawkwardangleinthegrass.
“Yes,eventhat.Wouldanyoneelseliketotelluswheretheywouldgoiftheytimetraveled?”Severalhandswentup.AsJuliangotreadytocallonsomeone,hehappenedtolookupandcatchthemostfleetingexpressiononHallie’sface.Onehewasn’tsurehe’dseenbeforeandcouldn’treallydescribe.
Whatwasit?Certainlynot…adoration.Hewasn’tdoingthatwelluphere.

Still,itwashardtoputanyotherdescriptiontohersoft,dreamlikeexpression.Thewayshelookedasifshewerebeing
helduponlybyastring.

Hehadtobemisinterpretingthewholething.
Orworse,whatifthatadorationwasforOwen?Nothim?
WhenJulianclearedhisthroat,itsoundedlikehe’djustguzzledahandfulofbrokenwalnutshells.“Allright,inkeeping
withthetime-traveltheme,ontothestory.”Heclaspedhishandsbehindhisback.“TherewasonceamannamedDocBrown,
whobuiltatime-travelingmachineoutofaDeLorean.DoesanyoneknowwhataDeLoreanis?”

Silence.
Thankfully,thequietcarriedoverintothestory,andthechildrenremainedseatedonthegrass,listeningwithonlythe
occasionaloutburstofgigglesorinterruptions,untilJulianfinished.Whenhefinallyglancedupfromhisraptaudience,
theirparentswerestandingbehindthemholdinglittlecoats.Andhewaspleasedtoseethatmanyofthemwerecarryingthe
discountcardsforCorked.Nataliemusthaveworkedovertimetoputthemineveryone’shands.

HewatchedHallieslowlynoticethem,too,hergazebouncingaroundtoallthegreen-and-whitecards.Thenoverathim.That’sright,sweetheart.Ideliverforyou.
Ican’thelpit.
“Okay,then.Storytimehasended.”Heshooedthechildrenaway.“Gogethosedoff.”
Theyclimbedtotheirfeetinawaythatremindedhimofnewborngiraffes.Mostofthemwentstraighttotheirparents.Julian
wasstartled,however,whenapairoftwinsranfullspeedinhisdirectionandwrappedtheirskinnyarmsaroundhisthighs.
Hugginghim.

“You’regettingmedirty,”hepointedout,surprisedwhenhisthroattugged.“Fine.”Hepattedtheirbacks.“Verygood,thank
you.”

“Isn’tthattheguyfromthataliendocumentary?”oneoftheparentsmusedoutloud.
Juliansighed.
Finally,itwasover.ThankGod.
Whenthekidsleft,hedidn’tmissthematall.
Right.
Slowly,Hallieapproachedhim,thebeginningsofsunsetcreatingahaloontopofherblondhead.Overthecourseofhisstory
time,she’dtakenoffhershoes,andhertoessunkintothegrassnow,tippedinalldifferentcolors.Red,green,pink.He
couldenvisionhersittingonthefloorofalivingroom,tryingtochooseashade,givingupanddecidingarainbowwould
giveherthebestofallworlds.Whenhadthatkindofindecisivenessstartedtocomeacrossastremendouslycharmingtohim?

Thatmysteriouslookfromearlierwasnolongerinhereye,andhewanteditback,wantedhertoadorehimagain.Howcould
hecravesomethingthathe’dobviouslyimagined?

“Thankyoufordoingthat,”shesaidtohim,hersoftvoiceminglingwiththecrickets,themusicstillcomingfromthewinetent.“Youweregreat.IguessIshouldn’tbesurprised.Theysaykidsaredrawntoauthenticity.Youreallynailedthegenuinevibe,callingthemdisgustingandall.”
“Yes.”Inthedistance,heheardthegrass-lickerrelatingBacktotheFuturetohisparents,andaweirdclunkhappenedinhischest.“Peoplesaythisallthetime,andIneverbelievethem.Butdid
younoticethechildrenwerealsokindof…cute?”

Shepressedherlipstogether,clearlysuppressingalaugh.“Yes,Inoticed.WhydoyouthinkIwascompelledtoplythem
withchocolate?Ineededthemtolikeme.”

“Iunderstandnow,”headmitted.
Halliespentthenextfewmomentsstaringdownatherfeet.Why?Hehadtostuffbothhandsinhispocketstokeepfromlifting
herchin.Owenwaswatchingthemfromtheshadowofthetent,too,and,Christ,wasJuliansoselfishthathewouldsabotage
herpotentialrelationshipwiththegardenerwhenhewasn’tinapositiontoofferheronehimself?No.

“Yes,”hecounteredhimself.Outloud.
Hallie’sheadcameup.There.Therewereherbeautifuleyes.“Yes,what?”
Pulsefiring,heshookhishead.“Nothing.”
Shehummed,narrowinghergaze.“DoyouhappentoknowanythingaboutthosepromotionalcardsforCorkedthateveryonewas
holding?”

Hekepthisexpressionneutral.Ifheinformedheroftheirorigin,he’dprobablyhavetotellheraboutthenewawninghe’dorderedforCorked,too,andhedidn’tneedtobetoldhe’dgoneoverboard.Hewaswellaware.AndwhilearelationshipwithLornacouldhelpthevineyard,thetruereasonhe’dintervenedwasstandingrightinfrontofhim,withthatperfectlittlecreasethatrandownthecenterofherbottomlip.Thatdimpleinhercheek.“PromotionalcardsforCorked?Ididn’tnotice.”
“Really.”Shefoldedherarmsacrosshertits,drawinghisattentiondownward,andGodalmighty,thewaythematerialofher
shirtstretchedoverthosegenerousmoundswouldkeephimawaketonight.Already,hewasmentallyuncappinghisbottleof
lube,pressinghisopenmouthtothecenterofthepillow,andimaginingherbeneathhim,naked,legsthrownoverhisshoulders.
“Howodd.Iwonderwheretheycamefrom.”

IfJuliantoldher,maybeshewouldkisshim.Orevencomehomewithhim.Andfuck,thatwastempting.Butwouldhebeleading
heron?Yes,hewantedtomakeherhappy.Yes,hewantedtoeviscerateeverythingthatcausedhertoworryandputaneternal
HallieSmileonherface.EverytimehelethimselfindulgeinHallie,though,thatout-of-controlfeelingthreatenedtotopple
him.Hedidn’tknowhowtoallowhimselfto…letgolikethat.Itunnervedhim.Andhe’dultimatelyhurtherfeelings—which
wastheexactoppositeofwhathewanted.

Theywerecutfromdifferentcloth.Hecravedorder,andshewashumanpandemonium.Yetwhywashebeginningtohavesuch
ahardtimerememberingthat?Maybebecausethosegrayeyeswereonhim,hersoft,roundfacebrushedinsunset,hermouth
sogoddamnclose,hecouldtasteit.

“Ithoughtofyouearliertonight,”hesaid,withoutthinking,distractedbythedipofherdimple.“Youwererightabout
whattosaytoNatalie.”

“WasI?”Shesearchedhiseyes.“Youtwohadaheart-to-heart?”
“Ofsorts,Isuppose.TheVosversion.”TherewasnodenyinghowgooditfelttospeaktoHallielikethis.Justthetwoofthem.He’dmetwomenthroughouthislifewhowerelogicalandconciseandregimented.Likehim.Shouldn’tithavebeeneasiertoopenuptosomeonewhooperatedthesameway?“We…Iguessyoucouldsaywebonded.”
“That’samazing,Julian,”shewhispered.“Overwhat?”
Halliewantedtobekissed.Shewasstandingtoocloseforhimtodrawanyotherconclusion.Andwhenshesnaggedthatfull,
creasedbottomlipbetweenherteethanddroppedhergazetohismouth,hehadtosuppressagroan.Fuckit.Therewasno
stoppinghimself.Twodayswithouthertasteanditwaslikebeingstarvedtodeath.“ShehelpedmewithaletterI’vebeen
meaningtowrite,”hemuttered,dippinghishead—

Halliestraightened.“Oh.”Sheblinkeddownatherhands.“Nataliehelpedyouwritealetter?”
Julianreplayedhisthoughtlesswords.Whatinthehellhadhebeenthinkingbringingupthesecretadmirerletter?Hewasn’tthinking.Hecouldn’tkeephisheadonstraightaroundHallie.Thatwastheproblem.Whywashesuddenlymoredesperatethan
beforetogoretrievetheletterfromthestumpbeforeanyonecouldaccidentallyfindit?Especiallyhisadmirer.

Jesus.AshestoodtherelookingdownintoHallie’sface,thefactthathe’deventemporarilyleftcorrespondenceforsomeone
elsemadehimill.ButHalliewaswaitingforanexplanation,andhecouldn’tbringhimselftolie.Nottoher.“Yes,”he
said,prayingthematterwouldbedroppedimmediately.“Asecretadmirer,ifyoucanbelieveit.Writingbackseemedlike
thepolitethingtodo,althoughitwasmoreawayformeandNatalieto—”

“That’swonderful,Julian,”sheblurted.“Wow.Asecretadmirer.That’ssoold-school.Um…”
Wait.Shewasn’tlettinghimfinish.Hewasn’tgoingtolettheletterbefound.Itwasimportantsheunderstoodthat—
“I’mgladthingsturnedacornerwithyoursister.I’msurethefactthatyou’remakinganeffortmeansthemostofall.NotwhatIsuggestedyoudo.”Shetookastepbackward,awayfromhim.“IbettergetbackinsidetoseeifLavinianeedsme.”
“Yes,”heclippedout,alreadymissingher.Again.“But,Hallie—”
“Goodnight.”
Whydidhehaveamountingsenseofguiltoverwritingthatletter?HeandHallieweren’tdating.Infact,they’dspecifically
agreednottoformanykindofpersonalrelationship.Sowhydidhefeellikehe’dfuckingbetrayedher?Nomatterthathe’dpictured
Hallie’sfacewhilewritingbacktothesecretadmirer—theguiltremained.

“Hallie…”hecalledtoheragain,nocluewhattofollowupwith.
JesusChrist,hewasnauseous.
“I’llbeoversometimetomorrowtoplantsomedustymillertoreallyaccentuatethelavender,”shesangonherwaybackinto
thetent,thankingOwenforholdingtheflapopenforher.“Thanksagainforleadingstorytime.”

WithasmirkforJulian,OwenfollowedinHallie’swake.
Julianstaredaftertheswingingcanvas,winded.Whatthehelljusthappened?
AndwouldanyoneactuallymissOwenifhedisappeared?

WhenJulianreenteredthetent,ittookeveryounceofhisself-controlnottopluckHallieoutfrombehindthedonutbooth
andcarryherbackoutside.Tofinishtheirdiscussioninawaythatwouldendinhersmiling.Why?Itwouldonlyconfuse
thisthingbetweenthemmore.Butitwasahellofalotmorepreferablethanleaving…theirthingunsettled.ThismentalbedlamcamepartandparcelwithHallie,andyet,hecouldn’tstopgoingbackforanotherhelping.
JulianwasjustabouttoapproachthedonutboothwhenhespottedNatalieacrosstheroom.Sincehe’dgoneoutsideforstory
timeanhourearlier,hissisterhadclearlyputthepedaltothemetalonwineconsumptionandwasnowflirtingwithone
ofthewinevendors,agiantlinebackerofamaninaKisstheVintnerapron.AsJulianwatched,shemadeanattempttoboostherselfontotheman’stableinwhatshenodoubtbelievedtobethe
ultimateseductivemove.Untilsheslippedoff—andwouldhavelandedonherassifthelinebacker’sarmdidn’tshootoutfrom
behindthetabletosteadyher.

InJulian’speriphery,hewatchedaphotographerweaveherwaythroughthethinningcrowd,herexpressiononeofsingle-minded
focus.ThelastthingthewineryneededwasapictureofdrunkNatalieendingupinthegossipsectionofsomewineblog.
WithafinalfrustratedglancetowardHallie,hehastenedhiswayacrosstheroom,hopingtointercepthissisterbeforeshe
becameinternetfodder.Butapparentlyhisworrywasallfornothing.Thevintnernoticedthephotographer,too.Atthelast
second,hemaneuveredNataliesohisgiganticselfwasblockingthejournalistfromgettingadecentshot.

“I’mtellingyou,August,it’simpossibletohumwhileyouholdyournose,”NataliewasslurringwhenJulianreachedthem.
“Tryit.”

Julianassumedthismanwouldsaysomethingtohumorordistracther,sohewassurprisedwhenthemanactuallypinchedhis
noseandattemptedthefeat,flashinganavytattoointheprocess.“Sonofabitch,”herumbled.“Can’thumanote.”

Natalielaughedlongandloud.“Youwillrememberthismomenttherestofyourlife,AugustCates.”
“Yeah.”Lopsidedsmilefromthenavyman.“PrettysureIwill.”
Hissisterstaredupatthemanforanawkwardlengthoftime.“Arewegoingtomakeout?”
Aflashofwhiteteeth.“Cancelallmycalls,”heshoutedoverhisshouldertoanimaginarysecretary.
WhenNatalietookastepinthevintner’sdirectionandthephotographerfinallyfoundabettervantagepoint,thatwasJulian’s
cue.“Timetogo,Natalie.”

“Yep,”sheagreedwithoutmissingabeat,allowingherselftobedraggedawaybyherbrother.Although,Julianlostcount
ofthenumberoftimesshelookedbackoverhershoulderatherwould-bemake-outpartner.“Forgetgas-stationguy.Thatmanistheperfectrebound.”

“Makethatdecisionwhenyou’reclearheaded.”
“Idon’tmakegooddecisionswhenI’mclearheaded.That’swhyI’minNapa,remember?”Shepulledhimtoastopwhilethey
werestilloutofCorinne’searshot.“HowdidthingsgowithHallie,forwhomyouwouldsacrificeyourlifebutwillnotdate?”

“Notwell,ifyoumustknow.”
Shemimickedhim,employingaBritishaccentwhiledoingit.Thenshejustkindofdeflatedallatonce.“God.Wearedysfunctional
people,aren’twe?Whounleashedusontheworld?”

Withperfecttiming,theirmother’smostdiplomaticlaughrangoutwhilesheraisedawineglasstothecouplestandingat
theVosbooth.Assoonastheydeparted,hersmiledroppedlikeananvilfromaten-storybuilding
Nataliesnorted.“Iguesswehaveouranswer.”
JulianwatchedhissisterrejoinCorinnebehindthetable,hisattentionstrayingbacktotheothersideofthetentbeforehecouldstopit.
Wearedysfunctionalpeople,aren’twe?
PerhapsHalliewasawrenchintheengineofhismentalwell-being,butwasJulianthesametoher?Orworse?Hethoughtof
thefirstafternoontheymet,whenhecriticizedherplacementoftheflowersandshe’dlostsomeofherglow.Justminutes
ago,she’dbeensoftandflirtatious,andhe’dsomehowruinedit.Again.Maybeheshouldbestayingawayfromherbecause
ofthedamagehecouldinflict.Becauseasmuchasshedrovehimcrazywithherlackofplansandorganization,helikedher.Alot.Definitely
toomuchtobeleavinglettersforsomeoneelse.

Withaspikeinhisthroat,Julianrejoinedhisfamilybehindthetable,wheretheywerepreparingtoleave.Logicalornot,
heneededtogetthatletteranddestroyit.Tonight.
ChapterFourteen
ItwaswellaftermidnightwhenHallie,Lavinia,andJeromedrovedownGrapevineWay,havingpackeduptheirWineDowndisplay
andcarpooledbacktotown.Shopswereshuttered,thoughafewwinebarsremainedopen,probablynearinglastcall.Along
theroad,ornaterooftopcornicesweresilhouettedbysilvermoonlitsky.ThroughtheopenbackseatwindowofJeromeand
Lavinia’scateringvan,shecouldhearthechirpofcricketscarryingdownthemountainandfromnearbyvalleysandvineyards.

JeromeandLaviniadroppedHallieoffatherparkedtruck,andwithanexchangeofexhaustedwaves,theycontinueddownthe
blocktowheretheywouldunpackthecateringequipmentatFudgeJudybeforeheadinghome.

Halliegotintohertruckandletherheadlollbackagainsttheheadrest.Sheshouldgohomeandclimbintobedrightnow,
surroundedbysnoringdogs,butshemadenomovetostarttheengine.Julianhadwrittenbacktohisadmirer,andtryasshe
might,shecouldn’tseemtoletitgo.Therewasnowayaroundit—shehadto
Teethgritted,shepushedopenthedriver’s-sidedoorandhoppedout,pullingherjackettightertoherbodytowardoffthecool,mistyair.Shestoleacrossthesilentroad,intendingtocutthroughFudgeJudy’stotheirbackalley,thendowntheroadtoJulian’sjoggingpath.HavinghelpedLaviniaandJeromewithcateringeventsinthepast,sheknewtheywouldbebusyshelvingitemsinthegiantwalk-instorageclosetandwouldbenonethewiserthatshe’dusedtheshortcut.Furthermore,anypotentialwitnesseswouldassumeshe’dremainedinthedonutshopthewholetime.
“Anywitnesses?Listentoyourself,”shemuttered.
Thiswholeactivitywaspointless—
HalliestoppedshortinfrontofCorked.
Wasthat…anewawning?
Gonewastheold,fadedred-and-white-stripedone.IthadbeenreplacedbyaboldgreenonewithscriptedletteringCorkedWineStore.ASt.Helenainstitutionsince1957.
Wherediditcomefrom?BetweentherainstormyesterdayandpreparingforWineDowntoday,twoafternoonshadpassedsince
thelasttimeshe’dstoppedintoCorkedtovisitLorna.Apparentlyshe’dmissedthestoregettingaface-lift?Whowasresponsible
forthis?

IntuitionpokedandproddedatHallie,butshedidn’twanttoacknowledgeit.EarlierasWineDown…wounddown…
she’dgoneonamissiontofindtheoriginofthebusinesscards,andloandbehold,everyoneshespoketoclaimedthey’d
beengivenoutattheVosVineyardtable.She’dalreadycaughtJulianbuyingpitycasesofwinefromLorna.Thencamethe
cards.Andnowthis.Abeautiful,crispgreenawningthatupdatedthestrugglingshopbyseveraldecades.

He’ddonethis,hadn’the?BoughtLornaanawning.Drivenbusinessherway.Putmoneyintheregister.Whatdidallofitmean,andwhy,oh,why,didithavetomakeherheartpoundlikesteeldrumsonacruiseship?
Thiswasnotforher.
Therewasareasonhehadn’ttakencreditforanyofthis.Hedidn’twanthertogetthewrongidea.Hewasmerelyhelpingoutalocalbusiness
owner,notmakingsomekindofdramaticromanticgesture,sotheswooninghadtostop.Sheshouldbeashamedofthefactthat
herkneeswerewobblinglikechocolatepudding.IfJulianwantedherasmorethanaonetimeaccidentalhookup,hewouldhave
saidsobynow.Godknewhewasblunterthanabaseballbatabouteverythingelse.

Andhe’dwrittenbacktothesecretadmirer.
Hello.Thosewerenottheactionsofaninterestedman.

Thoseweretheactionsofamanwho’dperusedthegroceryaisleandsaid,IthinkI’lltakethisreliablecauliflower,insteadofthemixedbagofrootvegetablesIcan’tname.Sheneededtogethislackofinterestthroughherthickskull,collecthisletter,andreaditoutofpurecuriosity,then
bedonewiththiswholeconfusingmesswiththeprofessor.

Withafinalyearninglookupattheawning,HalliejoggeddownGrapevineWaytowardFudgeJudy.Shepeekedinthroughthe
window,makingsureherfriendswerenowhereinsightbeforesheslippedinthroughthefrontdoorandwentintothekitchen.
LaviniaappearedfrombehindthestainlesssteelworkstationandthrewupherhandsatHallie’sentrance,thenslumpedforward
ontothewaist-hightable,clutchingatherchestthroughapinkapron.“Fuckinghell,Ithoughtwewerebeingrobbed.What
inthebloodyhellareyouat?”

Trapped,cursingherselffornottakingthelongway,Hallieshiftedontotheballsofherfeet.“IjustthoughtIwouldgoforalittlemoonlightstroll.”
“What?Where?”

Whydidherideasalwayssoundworsewhentheywerespokenaloud?Like,everysingleone.“DownJulian’sjoggingpath,”she
mumbled.

Afteramoment,Laviniabangedafistdownonthetable.“He’swrittenyou,hasn’the?”
“Everythingallrightinthere?”Jeromecalledthroughthedoorofthestoragecloset.
Halliepressedafingertoherlips.
“All’swell,love.Justbumpedmyelbow!”Laviniareachedbacktountieherapron,asomewhatmaniacallookinhereyes.“I’m
comingwithyou.”

Therewouldbenostoppingher.Apronremovalmeantbusiness.“I’mnotreadingyoutheletter.It’sprivate.”
Laviniarockedbackonherheels,consideringthoseparameters.“Youdon’thavetoreadittomewordforword,butIwant
thegeneraltemperature.”

“Fine.”
“Goingoutforasmoke,love,”Laviniashouted,thedoorbangingbehindthetwowomenontheirwayoutintothealley.“How
doyouknowhe’swrittenback?”

“Hetoldme.”
“Hetoldyou…”Laviniadrewout.
“Yes.”Shehuggedherelbowstight,thenrealizedshelookeddefensive,sosheletthemdrop.“Andyes,Irealizethatmeans
heisn’tinterestedinreal-lifeHallie.OnlytheHalliefromtheletter.I’mjustgoingtoreadhisanswertosatisfymy
curiosity.That’sall.”

“Imighttrustyouonthat.”Laviniajoggedtokeepup.“Ifyouhadn’tsworntomeyouwouldn’twritetheselettersinthefirstplace.”
“DidyouseethenewawningonCorked?”
“Yourabilitytodistractusfromanactualproblemisunparalleled,butI’llbite.”Laviniatiltedherhead.“Anewawning?
Whathappenedtotheredonecoveredinpigeonshite?”

“It’sgone.AndIthinkitwasJulianwhoarrangedit.”HalliesnaggedLavinia’swristandguidedherdowntheprivatepath
leadingtoVosVineyard.“ItracedthosepromobusinesscardsforCorkedtotheirtableatWineDown.Thathashimallover
it,too,right?IrealizethisisallbeginningtosoundveryScooby-Doo.”

“Ooh.I’mDaphne.ShegetstoshagFred.”
“Youcanhavehim.Ihaveahealthydistrustofblondmen.”
“Idon’twanttotrusthim,Iwanttobanghim.WhereamIlosingyou?”
Halliecoveredhermouthtomufflealaugh.“Youaren’t.Thefactthatwe’resneakingaroundinthedarkdiscussingsexual
relationswithacartooncharacter—onewhowearsasailorsuit,noless—isexactlywhywe’refriends.”

Theytradedawrysmileinthemoonlight.“Backtothecaseofthemysteryawning,then.WethinkJulianisresponsible.”
“Yes.”Halliesighed,despairingoverthezero-gravitysensationinherbreast.“Icouldhavewalkedawaymostlyunscathed
ifhewasn’tprankcallchampionoftheuniverse.Ifhedidn’tkeepmakingthese…thesegesturesthatremindmewhyI
wasinfatuatedwithhiminthefirstplace.WhyIspentsolonghunguponhim.”

Laviniamadeasoundofunderstanding.“He’sgotyoudanglingfromafishinghook,allgape-mouthedandwiggly.”
“Thankyouforthatflatteringcomparison.”Hallielaughed,stoppinginfrontofthetreestump,frowning.“Thisiswherethelettershouldbe.Wedgedinbetweenthecrack.”
“Whatacoincidence.That’srightwhereyou’dlikeJuliantobe.”
Hallieovercameherblush.“You’renottotallywrong.”
Theyeachtookouttheirphonesandturnedontheflashlights,searchingthegroundaroundthestump.“Couldhehavetaken
itback?”

Whywasshedizzywithhopeoverthatpossibility?“No.Whywouldhedothat?”
“Maybeherealizedyou’rehisdreamgirl—”Lavinia’sbeamoflightlandedonsomethingwhitebehindabrambleberrybush.“Ah,
no.Sorry.Foundit.Musthaveblownover.”

“Oh,”Halliesaid,toobrightly.“Okay.”
Sheapproachedtheenvelopethewayonemightapproachalitpuddleofkeroseneandpickeditup,commandingherstomachto
stoppitching.“Allright,soI’lljustbringthishomeandreadit.”

Severalsecondstickedbyinthefoggystillness.
Hallietoreopentheenvelope.
“Exactly,”Laviniasaid,sittingdownonthetreestump.“I’llberighthere,awaitinganybreadcrumbsyouchoosetothrow
me.”

Shebarelyheardherfriend’squipoverthepoundinginherears.Pacingafewstepsaway,sheshinedherflashlightdown
attheletterandread.

Hello.
Idon’tknowwheretobegin.Obviouslythisisallquiteunusual.Afterall,wearecommunicatingastwopeoplewhoknoweach
other,butwehavenevermet.Itfeelslikewehave,doesn’tit?Iapologizefortalkingincircles.It’snoteasytoexpose
oneselfonpaperandleaveitoutinafieldwhereitcouldfallintothewronghands.Youwerebravetogofirst.

Inyourletter,youmentionedhavingtoomuchspacetothink.IalwaysthoughtIwantedthat.Lotsofspace.Silence.But
latelyithasbecomemoreofaforcefieldtokeepyoupeopleout.I’vehaditactivatedsolongthatanyonebraveenoughtocomeinsidefeelslikeanintruder,ratherthanwhat
youtheyreallyare.Ananomaly.Aforkintheroadoftime.Thethingthatpullsmefromdistractionandforcesmetobecome
thenextversionofmyself.Andisn’titironicthatIteachthemeaningoftimeforalivingand,yet,Iamstaunchlyfighting
thepassageofit?Timeischange.Butlettingitmoveyouforwardishard.

Enoughaboutme.Iamnowherenearasinterestingasyouare.I’llsaythis.Ibelievethatifyou’rebraveenoughtowrite
asecretadmirerlettertosomeone,you’rebraveenoughtoevolve,ifthat’swhatyouwant.Maybewritingbackwillinspire
metodothesame.

Sincerely,
Julian
“Well?”Laviniacalledfromherstump.“Whatisthetemperature?”
Halliehadnoearthlyclue.He’dgonewaymorein-depththanshewasexpecting.Itremindedheroftheconversationthey’d
hadinthekitchen.Emotional.Honest.Only,thistime,he’dhaditwithsomeoneelse.Ononehand,hiswordshadspreada
balmoverawoundinsideofher.You’rebraveenoughtoevolve.Ontheother,itfeltworsethanifhe’daskedtomeetthemysteryperson.Orexpressedseriousromanticinterest.

Tearsprickedagainstthebacksofhereyelids.“Um.”Shequicklyfoldedtheletterupandstoweditinthepocketofher
hoodie.“Iwouldsayhe’scautiouslyinterested.Complimentarybutnotflirtatious.Heleavesitopen-endedformorecorrespondence.”

WhenLaviniadidn’trespondrightaway,Hallieknewherfriendhadpickeduponthehurtinhertone.“Areyougoingtowrite
himagain?”Laviniafinallyasked,quietly.

“Idon’tknow.”Hallietriedtolaugh,butitsoundedforced.“Noneofmyimpulsivedecisionshaveresultedinactualpain
before.Maybethat’sagoodsigntostop.”

“Ihavealighterinmypocket.Shallwegoburnhimatthestake?”
“Nah.”Hallieturned,givingherfriendagratefullook.“Iheartheydon’tevenhaveshrimpandgarliclinguineinprison.”
“Iguesswe’lllettheluckypricklive,”Laviniamuttered,pushingtoherfeet.ComingtostandbesideHallie,sheputan
armaroundhershoulder,andtheybothstaredoutoverthetopofthevines.“Youdidsomethingsortofbrash,babe,butI
havetotellyou,Ifuckingadmireyoufortakingashotanddoingsomethingalittlewild.Onceinawhile,agoodthing
comesfromashotofsuddenbravery.”

“Justnotthistime.”
Laviniadidn’tanswer.JustsqueezedHallie’sshoulders.
“Thisisagoodthing,”Halliesaidslowly,watchingherbreathturnintofog.“Ineededawake-upcall.SinceRebeccaleftus,I’vefallenintothispatternofdisorganizedcommotion.Idon’twanttoacknowledgehowbadithurtstobealonenow.AndIdon’tknowwhathappensnextinmylife.SoIjust…keptfindingwaystoavoidmakingdecisions.ToavoidbeingtheHallieIwaswhenshewasaround,becauseit’stoohardtodoitalone.”Sheclosedhereyesandsquaredhershoulders.“ButIcan.I’mready.Ineedtogrowupnowandstopmakingthese…”Shegesturedtothestump.“Ridiculouschoices.Startingtomorrow,I’mturningoveranewleaf.”
“Whynotstarttonight?”
“Ineedclosure.”Again,hergazerestedonthestump.“Ineedtotellhimgood-byefirst.”
***
Theletterwasalreadygone.
Julianstareddownatthestumpwithapitinhisstomach.
Itwasnearingoneo’clockinthemorning.They’dbeenhomeforanhour,buthe’dspentitconvincingNatalietogotobed,
insteadofcrackingopenabottleofchampagneandplayinganoldversionofYahtzeeshe’dfoundinthehallwaycloset.As
soonashe’dheardhissistersawinglogsthroughherbedroomdoor,he’dbookeditupthepathtotakebackthepieceofcommunication,
butobviouslyhe’dbeentoolate.Hissecretadmirerhadretrievedtheenvelopewhilehewasattheparty.Andhesupposed
thateliminatedeveryonewhowastheretonight.Whydidthatsurprisehim?Hadhebeenholdingoutasmallamountofdumb
hopethathisadmirerwasHallie?

Idiot.
Whywouldsheadmiresomeonewhowasarainstormcomparedtohersunshine?
She’dbeentheonetopointouttheyweretoodifferentandshouldonlybefriends.
Heagreed,ofcourse.Ofcourse.Hedid.
Still.God,whydidhefeelsoslimy?Despitethedroppingtemperature,thebackofhisneckwascoveredinsweat.Hehad
nochoicebuttoreturnhome,carryingmountingsensesofdreadandshamebehindhimlikechains,knowinghe’dwrittenback
toastrangerwhilehewas—let’sfaceit—infatuatedwithsomeoneelse.

Whatthehellwashegoingtodonow?ChapterFifteen
JulianjoggeddownGrapevineWaythatafternoon,hispaceslowingwhenhespiedthelazy-Sundaylineofpeopleonthesidewalk.
Butthistime,theyweren’twaitingoutsideUNCORKED.TheywerepatientlywaitingtheirturntogetinsideCorked.Others
wereemergingwithbottlesofhisfamily’swineintheirhands,tiedupinribbons.

Hemadeasoundinhisthroat,noddedonce,andmovedatafastercliptomakeupforlosttime.Afterrunningmorethana
block,hefinallyallowedhimselftosmile.Finallyacknowledgedthesomewhatunsettlingflipinthedeadcenterofhischest.
NowthatLorna’sshopwasonanupswing,Halliewouldn’tworryanymore,right?She’dbehappy.

Perhapsitwouldn’thurttoupdatesomeofLorna’sindoordisplays.Havethefloorbuffed.Thatlineofpeoplemightbetherebecauseofthedealonthebusinesscardshe’dhandedout,butwhataboutalong-termplan?ForCorkedandVosVineyard?InsteadofworkingonWexler’sbookthismorning,he’dhadameetingwiththebookkeeperand,withCorinne’sapproval,hadshiftedsomeoftheirfinancialpriorities.Thisyearwouldbelessaboutproducingstockandmoreaboutsellingwhatwasalreadyonshelves.Oncetheyhadtherevenueinplace,theycouldmakethenecessaryimprovementstocomebackbetterthanever.
Julianwasbusymakingcalculationsinhisheadwhenheranpastthestump.
Hestoppedsoquickly,dirtkickedupintheair.
Anewletter?
Hisimmediateinstinctwastokeepjogging.Don’tpickitup.Don’topenit.Halliewasnotontheotherendofthesenotes.Afterlastnight,theyseemedtobeatevenmoredistinctoddsthanbefore.
Justtwopeoplewho’dtradedheavypersonalsecretsinavineyard.Twopeoplewho’dcompletelylosttheirmindsonenight
andpleasuredthemselvestogetherinhiskitchen.Whocouldn’tseemtostopcolliding.Hewouldalmostcertainlyreturnto
Stanfordwiththesensethathe’dleftbehindunfinishedbusiness,butthatcouldn’tbehelped,couldit?

He’dhavetosimply…livewithit.
How?
Theywouldneveragainhaveaconversationliketheonethey’dhadthenightofthestorm.Orwhilepickinggrapesonhis
family’sland.Exchangeshecontinuedtoreplayoverandoverinhishead,tryingtomakesenseoutofthembeingsodifferent
whilefindingitsoeasytounderstandeachother.Somuchsothatwhenhe’dwrittenhisletterbacktothesecretadmirer,
hiswordswerealmostaperiodontheendofhisconversationswithHallie.Itwashardnottocravearesponsetothat,even
ifitwasn’tcomingfromher.

Theletterwasinhishandbeforeherealizedhe’dpickeditup.
“Fuck.”
Julianstartedrunningagain,throughthecool,twistinghazeescapingdownoffthemountain.Thesunbrokethroughthemistinfragmentsandcracks,arollingspotlightoverdifferentsectionsofthevines.Beneathhisfeet,theearthwassolid,andJulianwasgratefulforthat,becauseholdingthelettercausedanticipationanddreadtowarinhismiddleallthewaybacktothehouse.OntheoffchanceNataliewasawakebeforetwop.m.onaweekend,hetuckedtheenvelopeintohispocketonthewaytohisbedroom,makingittherewithoutincident.

Afterclosingthedoorbehindhim,hestrippedoffhissweatyshirtandplaceditinthehamper.Toedoffhisrunningshoes
andpacedthefloorbesidetheking-sizebed.Finally,hecouldn’tstandtheunknownanymore.Hetooktheletteroutofhis
pocketandbroketheseal.

DearJulian,
Therewasonepartofyourresponsethatstuckouttome.Thatthereareeventsorpeopleinourlivesthatforceustobecome
thenextversionofourselves.Areweallconstantlyfightingthatchangetosomethingnewandunfamiliar?Isthatwhy,no
matterwhatwedoinourpersonalorprofessionallives,somehowit’sneverdonewithfullconfidence?There’salwaysthe
fearofbeingwrong.Ormaybewe’reafraidtoberightandmakeprogress,becausethatmeanschange.Andmovingforwardishard,likeyousaid.Scary.Lately,Ithinkmovingforwardasanadultmeansacceptingthatbadthingshappenandthere’snotalwayssomethingyoucandotoavoidorfixit.Ishavingthatknowledgethefinalchange?Ifso,whatisbeyondthatbitterpill?Nowonderwe’redigginginourheels.

AsI’mwritingthis,I’mstartingtowonderifthelongerwefightchangeinourselves,thelesstimewehavetoliveasbetter
people.Oratleastmoreself-awarepeople.

Iproposethatwebothdosomethingthatscaresusthisweek.
SecretlyYours
“Fuck,”Juliansaidagain,findinghimselfontheedgeofthebed,withoutrememberingexactlywhenhe’dsatdown.Onceagain,
hewascompletelyandutterlyintriguedbythisperson’sletter,andyet,hewantedtotearitupandburnitinthefireplace.
NotonlybecausehealternatedbetweenhearingthewordsinHallie’svoiceandfeelingimmenseguiltforreadingitinthe
firstplace.Butmoresobecausetheletterchallengedhim.Hehadn’tacceptedordeniedthechallengeyet.Still,hisveins
feltlikethey’dbeenpumpedfullofstatic.

Somethingthatscaresus.
Julianlefttheletteronhisbed,butmentallycarrieditintotheshower.Thenintohisoffice,whereheonceagainsatinfrontoftheblinkingcursorforhours.Atsomepoint,heheardNataliestumbleoutofherroomforsustenance,beforegoingstraightbackin.Finally,hegaveupattemptingtoconcentrateonanythingelseandreturnedtohisbedroom,pickinguptheletterandtryingtofindsomesortofclueinthehandwriting,somethingaboutthebasicstationeryandinkcolorthatmightidentifytheauthor.Maybeifhecouldjustmeetthispersonface-to-face,hecouldconfirmwhetherornotthatattractionranbothways.Forsomereason,hehopeditwouldn’t.Butnonetheless,theycouldbefriends,right?
Eventhoughthey’donlyexchangedletters,hecouldn’thelpfeelingasortofkinshipwiththispersonwhowascapableof
identifyingtheworrieshe’dneverbeenabletospeakaloud.

ExceptwithHallie.
Mayberatherthanwritingback,heshouldgotalktoher,instead.

Anticipationswelledsorapidlyatthethoughtofseeingher,hearinghervoice,thathedroppedtheletter.Fromaperson
he’dnowwillinglycorrespondedwith.ApersonwhowasnotHallie.Whatthehellhadhegottenhimselfinto?

***
“I’msorrytodragyouawayfromyourfanclub,”HallieteasedLorna,smilingathergrandmother’sbestfriendacrossthe
consoleofhertruck.TheydrovethroughtownSundayafternoon,yieldingforbuzzedpedestrianseveryfiftyyardsorso,Phoebe
Bridgersplayinggentlyontheradio.“Areyousureabouttakingalunchbreak?”

“OfcourseIam,dear.Theseoldfeetneedarest.”Lornasmoothedthesilkpatternedscarfaroundherneck.“Besides,Nina
hasitundercontrol.”Beforesheevenfinishedhersentence,she’dstartedlaughing.“CanyoubelieveIhaveanemployee
now?Acoupleofweeksago,Ibarelyhadcustomers.NowI’vehiredpart-timehelpjusttokeepupwiththemall!”

Hallie’schestexpandedwithrelief.Withgratitude.Whenshe’dpulledupoutsideofCorked,patronsweregatheredaroundhergrandmother’swhitewrought-irontablewithglassesofwineinhand,bringingittolife.Givingitpurposeagain.KeepingRebecca’smemoryalive,atleastforHallie.AndsheowedmostofthistoJulian.
Hisnameinherheadwasasimultaneousshotofadrenalineandapunchtothegut.
Washewritingbacktohisadmireragainatthatverymoment?
Iproposethatwebothdosomethingthatscaresusthisweek.
Washeintheprocessoffiguringoutwhatscaredhim?Attheveryleast,Halliewasintheprocessofcheckingthatboxtoday.
Doingsomethinguncomfortable.Fulfillingthechallengeshe’dlaiddownforherselfandJulianbymovingforward.She’dcalled
Lornaabouthertriptothelibrarythismorningandthewineshopownerhadinsisteduponcomingalongformoralsupport,
despitethecrowdsthatwerenowdescendingonCorkedwithVosVineyarddiscountcardsandunquenchablethirsts.

“Lorna,Icouldn’tbehappierforyou.”OneofHallie’shandsleftthewheeltorubattheeuphoricpressureinherchest.
“Icouldjustburst.”

“Ididn’tseeitcoming,”breathedtheolderwoman,staringunseeingoutthewindshieldofthetruck.“Thenagain,someof
thebestthingsinlifehappenwhenyouleastexpectthem.”

SortoflikeJuliansuddenlyshowingbackupinSt.Helenatowriteabook?Ortheprofessorsomehowbeingthechivalrousherothatlivedrentfreeinhermemory,whilealsobeingcompletelydifferentthanshe’dimaginedforthelastfifteenyears?Yes,hemightbethequietlystudiousmanofherimagination,buthewasalsointense.Akeeperofpainfulsecrets.Funnyandquicktofindsolutions.Protective.Amilliontimesmoreengrossingthanthepersonshe’dcraftedinhermind,andshehadnochoicebuttoleavehimwithsomefinalfoodforthoughtandmoveon.Whichiswhatsheshouldhavedoneinthebeginning,beforegettingintoodeep.“Whatifyouspendyourwholelifeexpectingonething…andgetanotherentirely?”
“I’dsaytheonethingyoucanexpectinlifearethwartedplans,”saidLorna.“Fatekeepsitsownschedule.Butsometimes
fatedropsapresentinourlap,andwerealizethatifeverythingwe’darrangedourselveshadgoneaccordingtoplan,the
giftfromfateneverwouldhavearrived.LikeyoucomingtolivewithRebeccainSt.Helena.Allthoseattemptstogetyour
motherontherightpathdidn’tworkout,butintheend,thosestrugglesarewhatbroughtyouhere.Rebeccawasalwayssaying
that.‘Lorna,what’smeanttobewillalwaysfindaway.’”

“Shelovedagoodsaying.”
“Thatshedid.”
Hallieshiftedinthedriver’sseatbutcouldn’tgetcomfortable.“WhatifIonlybelongedhereinSt.HelenawhileRebecca
wasalive?That’showitfeels.LikeIdon’t…knowhowtobeinthisplaceanymore.Asjustmyself.”

Lornawasquietforamoment.Halliecouldfeeltheshopownergatheringherselfbeforesheeventuallyreachedoutandlaid
ahandonHallie’sshoulder.“Whenyoucamehere,thisplacechanged,alongwithRebecca.Itrearrangeditselftofityou,
andnow…Hallie,youarepartofthelandscape.Abeautifulpartofit
WhenHallieshookherhead,atearcamelooseandsheswipeditaway.“I’madisaster.I’mflightyanddisorganizedandI
don’tknowhowtocontrolmyimpulses.Shewasalwaysaroundtohelpmedothat.ToknowwhoIam.IwasRebecca’sgranddaughter.”

“Youstillare.Alwayswillbe.Butyou’realsoHallie—andHallieisbeautifulforallherflaws.Becausethegoodthings
aboutyoufaroutweighthebad.”

UntilLornasaidthosewordstoHallie,shedidn’tknowhowbadlysheneededtohearthem.Someofthedensityinherchest
lessened,hergriplooseningonthesteeringwheel.“Thankyou,Lorna.”

“I’mhappytotellyouthetruthanytimeyouwanttohearit.”Lornapattedhershoulderonemoretimebeforetakingher
handback.“Whatmadeyoudecidetoapproachthelibrarytodayaboutthelandscapingjob?”

Halliehummed.Tookadeepbreath.“Iwanttodosomethingshewouldbeproudof.But…Ithink,moreimportantly,Ihave
todosomethingI’mproudof.Ihavetostart…takingpride,period.Inmyselfandmywork.Ithastobeformenow.”

Halliepulledhertruckupagainstthecurbacrossthestreetfromthewhite,U-shapedbuilding,alsoknownastheSt.Helena
Library.Itstoodbyitselfattheendofacul-de-sac,sun-soakedvineyardvinesspreadingoutbehindthestructureinendless
rows.

Thismorning,whileponderingthetrip,she’dbittenhernailsdowntothequick.
Ithadbeenalongtimecoming.Somepartofherneverreallyexpectedtogetthere.
Thecourtyardofthelibrarydefinitelyneededgreeneryandcolorandwarmth.Asofnow,ithadnoneofthosethings.Justovergrownindigenousplantsthatwouldhavebeenbeautifulwithalittlemaintainingandtheadditionofsomeperennials.Itdidhaveabiglawninfront,shadedbyanoaktree.Twochildrensatonthatlawnnow,blowingbubbleswithverylittlesuccess,sudsdrippingofftheirwristsontothegrass.Asmallertoddlernoddedoffinhermother’slap,theirlibrarybooksspreadoutaroundthem.
Halliecouldn’thelpbutthinkthelibrarycouldbethriving,withalittlecare.Ifpeopledrovepast,theflowerswould
calltothemlikeaninvitation.Marigoldsandsunflowersandwaterfixtures.Butinordertodothisparticularjob,she
wouldhavetocomeupwithanexactblueprint,haveitapprovedbythelibrarymanager,Ms.Hume,andsticktoit.

WithRebeccatheretoguideher,Halliewouldhavehadnoproblemwithaplan.Butshewasadresspinnedtoalaundryline
inawindstormthesedays,wavingineverydirection.Hadtheyearsshe’dspentunderhergrandmother’swingbeenawaste,
though?

No.
AssoonasRebeccaleft,Halliehadgonebacktobeingindecisiveandjumbled.Butitdidn’thavetocontinuethatway.She
coulddosomethingspectacular,allbyherself.Shecouldbeproudofherself,discombobulatedchaosandall.Shewasthe
granddaughterofacommunitystaple—agloriouslykindwomanwholovedroutineandsimplepleasures,likewindchimesonthe
backporchandteach-yourself-calligraphykits.Halliehadsettleddownasmuchasshewascapable,becauseitwasimportant
tohergrandmother.SheappreciatedwhenHallietried,whenshereinedinherscatteredfocusandappliedittoschoolwork
orcarriedoutaspecificlandscapingstrategy.Therewasnoonearoundnowtoappreciatethoseefforts.

Noonebutherself.Thatwouldhavetobeenough.
Iproposethatwebothdosomethingthatscaresusthisweek.
Takingonahugeprojectlikethisdefinitelyqualifiedasscary.Itwasajobthatwouldrequirestructure,diligence,andaveryparticularlibrarianlookingoverhershouldertheentiretime
Wassheupforit?
Yes.
Somethinghadtogive.Puttingheranxietiesonpaper,writingletterstoJulian,hadbeentherapeutic.Shecouldbetotally
honestaboutherfearsandfeelings.Thathonestyfeltgood.Authentic.Butnowsheneededtobetruthfulwithherself.To
admitshe’dbeenavoidingthelibraryjob,becauseshedidn’tbelieveherself
Lornanudgedherintheribsfromthepassengerseat.“Goahead,dear.Youcandoit.I’llbewaitingrighthere.”
Sheturnedtoher.“Areyousureyoudon’twantbottomlesschampagnebrunch,instead?”
“Maybenextweek.”Lornalaughed,shooingherintoopeningthedriver’s-sidedoor.“Fornow,Iwanttowatchmybestfriend’s
wild-childgranddaughterlearnalesson.Thatshedoesn’thavetochangetosuitanyone.Unlessthatanyoneisherself.”

Theyheldhandsforamoment;thenHallieblewoutaslowbreath,climbedoutofthetruck,andcrossedthestreet.
Thecoolbrassdoorknobslidagainstherpalm,andsheopenedtheheavylibrarydoor.Justassheremembered,theplacewas
brightandinvitingontheinside.Stainedglasswindowslitthestacksinredsandblues,hushedconversationstookplace
overlaptopsatthetables,andthedistinctivescentofoldleatherandfloorpolishdriftedouttogreether.

Ms.Hume’sheadpoppedupfrombehindthereceptiondesk,herslender,deep-brownfingerspausingonthekeys.Sheremovedherglasses,lettingthemdroptowheretheywerecaughtbyalong,beadednecklace,andstood.“HallieWelch.Rebeccatoldmeyouwouldshowupsoonerorlater,”shesaid,asmiletuggingatherlips.“Areyouheretoapplyforalibrarycardorfinallyfixourgarden?”
Hallietookamomenttoreconnectwithhergrandmother.Likeawhisperedhellofromsomewherebeyond.Thenshecenteredherself
andapproachedthedesk.“Maybeboth.Youwouldn’thappentohaveanyself-helpbooksonstayingorganized,wouldyou?”

“I’msureIcanpullafew.”
“They’reforafriend,obviously,”Halliejoked,matchingthelibrarian’sknowingsmile.“Asforthegarden…yes,I’m
ready.IthoughtwecoulddiscusslayouttodayandIcouldgetstartedsoon.”

Ms.Humearchedaneyebrow.“Whenexactly?”

“Soon,”Halliesaidfirmly,inthatmomentacceptingthatthereweresomethingsabouthershecouldneverchange
Andthat…maybeshedidn’tneedto.ChapterSixteen
ThefamiliarrumbleofHallie’struckgrewlouderasitmadeitswaydownthedriveway,andJulianstood,crossinghisbedroom
tothewindow.SunsetwasbeginningtodeepentheSundayeveningskytoorange.

Howlonghadhebeensittingthere,contemplatingtheletteronthefloor?
AndthinkingofHallie.
Notlongenoughtoreachhislimit,apparently,becausehestaredthroughtheglassnow,starvedforthesightofher.The
dogsdovefreeofthetruckfirst,movinginstreaksoffurtowardthetreesatthebackofthehouse.Halliedidn’tfollow
rightaway.Shesatinthedriver’sseatchewingherlip,unawarethathecouldseeher.Thathecouldwitnessherindecision
ornerves.About…seeinghim?Hehatedthatpossibilityasmuchashecouldrelatetoit.Beingaroundheralwaysleft
himinastateofhungerandconfusion.Regret,too,becausehecouldn’tseemtostopfuckingupandeitherleadingheron
orpushingheraway.

Finally,Halliehoppeddownfromthetruck,wentaroundtotherear,andloweredthetailgate.Sunsetspilledacrosshershoulders,turninghercheeksgold.Shetippedherfacetowardtheskyandclosedhereyestoletthefadinglightkissherfeatures,andyearningplowedintohisstomach.Hard.
Somethingthatscaresus.
Halliewoulddefinitelybeatthetopofthatlist,butamandidn’tscaleKilimanjaroonhisfirsthike.Andwouldhenow
bebetrayingtheletterwriterifheusedthechallengeasanexcusetogoafterwhathe—mightaswelladmitit—wantedso
goddamnbad,hewasbeingtortureddayandnightbythethoughtofit?Her?Alsoknownasthebeautifulgardenertrudging
towardhisgardeninrubberboots,cutoffshorts,andanavybluehoodiethathungoffoneshoulder.

Inherarms,shecarriedapotofwhatJulianassumedwasthedustymillershe’dreferredtoattheWineDownevent.Thedogs
trottedovertoescorther,sniffingatherelbowsandknees.Shegreetedeachofthembyname,hervoicefadingintothe
eveninglightasshedisappearedaroundthesideofthehouse.Andhemovedlikeanapparitiontohisofficesohecouldpick
upthesoundagain,hearitinfulleffect.Thesillybaby-talkwayshespoketoherpetsthatwasbeginningtosoundtotally
normaltohim.Thesoftexpulsionsofbreathwhensheexertedherselfordroppedtoherkneesinthesoil.Hervoiceseemed
tofilltheentirehouse,warmandsultryandsingularlyhers.

Jesus,washestartingtosweat?
Julianwasonthevergeofreturningtothebedroomoutofpurenecessity,tohandlethesituationarisinginhispants,when
hissister’svoicejoinedHallie’soutsidetheofficewindow.

Hefeltasificewaterwerespillingfromthecrownofhisheadtohistoes
Thiswasn’tgood.
Hedidn’tknowwhyexactlyitwasn’tgood,butitwasdecidedlynot.

LastnightatWineDown,he’dbeendistractedbyHallie.Toodistractedtobecarefulwithhiswords.Itwasonlyafterhe’d
saidthoserevealingthingstoNatalieabouthisunyieldingdrivetomakeHalliehappythathewishedhecouldgobackin
timeandcramacorkinhismouth.There’dbeenmorethanenoughofthebottlestoppersaround,afterall.

HemighthavemadeprogresswithNatalielastnight—theywereworkingtheirwaybacktoabettersiblingrelationship,slowly
butsurely—butunfortunately,shewouldn’tknowdiscretionifitbitherontheass.

Julianmovedatafastcliptowardthefrontofthehouseandblewdownthesteps,onlyslowingtoasedatewalkwhenthe
twowomencameintoview.Theyweresmiling,HallieintroducingPetey,Todd,andtheGeneraltoNatalie,whowasstillin
nightshortsandaCornellT-shirt.“Aren’tyoualljustthesweetestgentlemen?Yes,youare!Yes.You.Are.”

Whatwasitaboutdogsthatmadepeopletalklikethat?
Theanimalswereeatingitup,too,tailswhippinglikechopperblades.
TheyshockedthehelloutofJulianbyboundingovertohimnext,reactingwith—darehesay—tripletheenthusiasmthey’ddisplayedforNatalie?Hewasoddlypleasedbythat.Didhehaveanundiscoveredwaywithanimals?
Healwaysassumedpetswereforotherpeople.Peoplewhochosetodevotehoursoftheirlivestocaringforananimalinsteadofusefulendeavors.Now,lookingdownattheguilelesseyesofTodd,hewonderedifbeinglovedunconditionallywasn’tusefulafterall.“Hello,”hegreetedtheminanormalvoice,pattingthemeachonthehead.Theyweren’tsatisfiedwiththat,however,weavingthroughhislegsuntilhescratchedthembehindtheears.“Yes,okay,you’reverygoodboys.”
“Theyareslobberingonyoursocks,Julian,”Nataliesaid,lookingathimcuriously.“Hey,you…forgottoputshoeson?
You?”

“DidI?”hemurmured,lookingdownwithapinchofalarm.He’dnevergoneoutsidewithouthisshoesbefore.Therewasaprocess
togoingoutdoors,andhe’dforgoneitcompletely.Thedogswereindeedgettingstringsofsalivaallovertheno-nonsense
whitecottontubesocks,andhewouldneedtochangethem,butthatdelaydidn’tguthimlikeitmighthavebefore.

Howodd.
HelookeduptofindHalliewatchinghimwithacuriousexpression.“Evening,”shesaid,bringingthedogstanglingbackin
herdirection.

“Goodevening,Hallie,”hesaid,histonedeepandformal.Andhehadnoideawhy.Onlythathewantedtoreestablishtheir
footingsomehow.Everythingbetweenthemfeltoff-kilter,andhewasgettingreallytiredofanalyzingwhytheirbeingin
balancewassoimportanttohim.

Natalie,however,wasonlygettingstarted.
ShesplitagleefullookbetweenJulianandHallie,rockingsidetosideontheballsofherfeet,asifwaitingforthestarting
gunofarace.“So,Hallie.Ididn’tputittogetherlastnight,butwewenttoSt.HelenaHightogether.”Shenarrowedan
eye.“Youwerethecoolnewkidforawhile.Atleastuntilsomeoneelse’sparentsdecidedtomovehereandopenavineyard.”

HallietorehereyesfromJulianandbeamedathissister,andhischestcrunchedlikecansinatrashcompactor.Jealousybrewedinsideofhimlikeapotofdarkroast.
Damn,didhewantthatsmiledirectedathim,instead.
“Thatwasme.AlthoughIchallengeyourassessmentthatIwascool.”Absently,shescratchedtheGeneralunderhischin,still
smilingthatdelightedsmile.Ifshecouldjustglanceathimoncewhileitwasonherface…“Youweretheonethrowing
theparties.Ihadthepleasureofattendingoneortwo.”

“Soyou’veseenmetopless,”Nataliesaidconversationally,producingawitheringsighfromherbrother.“Goodtoknow.”
“Theystillholdup,”Halliecommented,givingherchestanimpressednod.
“Thankyou,”Nataliereturned,pressingahandtoherthroat.
Julian,forhispart,wasdumbfounded.“Forallintentsandpurposes,you’vejustmetandyou’realreadydiscussingyour…”
“Ohboy,doyouthinkhe’sgoingtosayitoutloud?”Halliemurmuredoutofthecornerofhermouth.“Tenbuckssayshedoesn’t.”
“Ican’tbetagainstyou.I’dloseandI’mtoobroketopayup.”ShefacedHalliefully.“Youwouldn’thappentoneedafirmly
tittedassistantbyanychance?”

Julianslashedahandthroughtheair.“Youarenotworkingtogether.”
Bothfemaleheadsswiveledinhisdirection.Onestartled.Onelookinglikeacatwhowasonherwaytosnuffoutthefamily
canary.“Whynot?”Nataliedrawled.“Areyouworriedwe’dtalkaboutyou?”Sheproppedherchinonherwrist.“Whatcould
therepossiblybetodiscuss?”

Silencetickedbyalongwiththepulseinhistemple.
Hallielookedathim.
Inreality,onlythreesecondspassedwhilehetriedtocomeupwiththerightwordsforhisinconvenientfixationonHallie,
butitwaslongenough.

“Nothingtodiscuss,”Hallieansweredforhim.Forthem.Withcolorinhercheeks,sheslidherattentionbacktoNatalie.
“And,sorry.You’reoverqualified,Cornell.”

Hissistershookafistatthesky.“Dammit.Foiledonceagainbymysharpintellect.”
Theysharedafondlaugh,visiblyconsideringeachother.“Listen,thereisareboundinthistownthatstillneedstobe
bounded,andhehasmynameonhim.WouldyouwanttoattendatastingwithmeonTuesdaynight?Winecraftedbyaformer
NavySEAL,”shecajoled,wagglinghereyebrows.“I’msurehe’sgotafriend.Ortwo,ifyou’reintothatsortofthing.Or
maybeyoualreadyhaveaboyfriendyoucanbring?Idon’tmindbeingthethirdwheel—”

“Natalie,”Juliansaidthroughteeththatcouldnotbeunclenchedtosavetheworld.“That’senough.”
“Sayswho?”Hallieasked,pivotingtofacehim.
“Saysme.”Idiot.
Foronce,thedogsweresilent.
HissisterhadtheexpressionofanOlympianholdingupabouquetofroses.
“Ididn’trealizeyouspokeforme.”Hallielaughed,hereyesbright.
“Mysisterismakingtroubleoutofsheerboredom,Hallie.I’mjusttryingtopreventyoufromgettingwrappedupinit.”
Natalierearedbackalittle,lookinggenuinelyhurt.“IsthatwhatI’mdoing?”
HallielaidahandonNatalie’sarm,squeezing.Thelookofreproachshegavehimwaslikealinedrivetothegut.“Friendsdon’tletfriendsgototastingsalone.Someonehastotalkyououtofbuyingindiscountedbulk.Countmein.But…”Sheavoidedhisstare.“Noplusone.Justme.”
Hebattledtheurgetodroptohiskneesandworshipher.
“Areyousure?”Nataliecutherasidewaysglance.“You’renotjustsayingyesbecausemybrotherisbeingatool?”
Thistimeshelookedhimsquareintheeye.“I’dbelyingifIsaidthatwasn’tagoodfortypercentofthereason.”
Natalienodded,impressed.“Irespectyourhonesty.”
Whatthefuckwasgoingon?He’dlosthisgriponthissituationentirely.Intheblinkofaneye,hissisterhadbecomefriends
withHallie.FriendswhowentdrinkingtogetherinthecompanyofNavySEALs.Somehowhewasthebadguy.Buttherealproblem,therealityhedidnotwanttoadmittohimself,wasthathelikedNatalieandHallie
formingabond.ItremindedhimofthemomentHallieturnedherfacetotheorangeskyandhecouldhearthedogsbarking
intheyard,andithithimlikeawaveofpreemptivemelancholia.He’dthinkofthissomeday.He’dthinkofallofit.A
lot.

Witharoughclearingofhisthroat,Julianwalkedondirtysocksbackintothehouse,whichreallytookthedignityoutof
itall,andstrippedthesoggythingsoffbeforesettingfootonthehardwoodfloor.Hethrewthemintothehamper,ontop
ofhisrunningclothes,andpacedbacktothekitchen,pouringhimselfathirdofaglassofwhiskey,cursing,andadding
anotherinch.Hesluggeditback,thenstoodtherestaringdownintohisemptyglassuntiltherumbleofHallie’struckengine
broughthisheadup,justintimeforhissistertostormintothekitchen.

“Areyouawhole-assmoron,Julian?”
Noonehadeveraskedhimaquestionlikethat.Perhapsithadbeenimpliedbyhisfather,butinafarmoreaggressiveformat.
“Excuseme?”

Nataliethrewupherhands.“Whydidyouletmeletyouwritebacktothatsecretadmirer?”
Amalletswungandconnectedwithhistemple.“Hallietoldyousheknew?”
“Inpassing.Yes.”
Hecameascloseasheeverwouldtosmashingaglassontheground.“Howdoessomethinglikethatgetmentionedinpassing?
Couldn’tyoutalkabouttheweatherinsteadofswappinglifestoriesafterafive-minuteacquaintance?Jesus!”heshouted.“ItoldyouIdidn’twanttodoit.”

“Youdidn’ttellmewhy!”Sherakedherfingersthroughherdarkhair.“OhmyGod,thewayyouspokeaboutherlastnight
andnowthechemistryandtheangst.”Shethrewherselfbackwardintothepantrydoor,rattlingitloudly.“I’mgoingtodie.”

ItwasnotgoodforwhateverpeaceofmindhehadlefttohavesomeonerecognizetheconnectionbetweenhimselfandHallie
andsayitoutloud.Whywashesuddenlywinded?“YouthinkIshouldpursueHallie.IsthatwhatI’mgettingfromyourtheatrics?”

Hereyesflashedwithaccusation.“Idon’tknowifyouhaveachancewithhernow,secret-admirer-letterreturner.”
Wasthereapickaxburiedinhischest?“Youbeggedmetowritethatletter!”

Shemadeadisgustedface,flashinghimamiddlefinger.“Youwanttogettangledupinsemantics,fine,butthepointis,youblewit.She’sararespotofsunshine,andyou’recommittedtohuddlingintheshade.”Shepaused.“MaybeIshouldwriteabook,insteadofyou.Thatwasasickmetaphor.”
Julianstartedtoleavethekitchen.“Speakingofwhich,I’mgoingtowork.”
“Youhaven’twritteninaweek.It’sbecauseofher,isn’tit?You’reall…tiedinknotsandfullofwoelikeaT-Bird
inlovewithaScorpion.Greaseismycomfortmovie.Okay?”Hervoicerose.“Whatistheissuewithpursuingher?”

Hespunaroundatthemouthofthehall.“Shemakesmefeeloutoffuckingcontrol,”hesnapped.“You’vebeenthatwayyour
wholelife,somaybeyoudon’tunderstandwhythatwouldbeundesirabletosomeone.Sheleavesthingstochance,she’sflighty,
shedoesn’tthinkhercourseofactionthroughfrombeginningtoend,andchaosistheresult.Shecomeswithdirtyfootprints,
andcorrallingdogsandstickychildren,andtoleratinglateness.I’mtoorigidforthat.Forher.”Alow,distantringing
startedinhisears.“I’ddimherglow.I’dchangeher,andIwouldhatemyselfforit.”

Natalie’sthroatworkedforaseriesofheavymoments,theroomlighteninganddarkeningwithapassingcloud.“Learntolet
go,Julian.Learn.”

Hescoffed,makinghisthroatburnworse.“Yousaythatlikeit’seasy.”
“It’snot.Iknow,becauseI’vedoneitinreverse.”
ThatgaveJulianpause,drawinghimoutofhisownmisery.Inreverse?Nataliehadgonefromfreespiritto…dimmeddown?
Fine,she’dquitherantics,buckleddown,andgonetoaprestigiouscollege,workedherwayuptopartneratamajorinvestment
firm.Butshewasn’tanythinglikehim.Wasshe?Shewasfullofhumorandspontaneityandlife.

Unlesstherewasalotmorehappeningunderthesurface.Alothecouldn’tsee.
Shedivertedhergazebeforehecouldsearchforit.
“ComewithusTuesdaynight,Julian.Don’tlivewithregrets.”
JulianstaredattheemptyarchwaylongafterNataliehadvacatedit,tryingtorememberhowhe’dgottentothispoint,this
edgeofthecliffwhereleapingwasnecessary.Hehadn’taskedforthis.Neverwantedit.Butnow?

I’mtoorigidforthat.Forher.
Learntoletgo.
Thatadvicehadcomeacrossasflippantatfirst.Itmadesensetohim,though.Ifheknewhowtodoanything,itwaslearn.
Expandhiswayofthinking.He’djustneverdonesointhenameofromance.Withtheintentof…what?Washegoingafter
Hallienow?Pursuingher?

Theveryideawasabsurd.Wasn’tit?
Theylivedanhourandahalfawayfromeachother,leadingextremelydifferentlives.Thefactthattheywerepolaropposites
hadn’tchangedoneiota.Halliestillbroughtdisorderwithherwherevershewent.Andhe…woulddullallofthat.He’d
squashit.Whentheyfirstmet,hethoughtsheneededtochange.Learn
Thenlearn.
Itwouldhavetobehimthatchanged.
PursuingHalliemeanteasinghisgripontimemanagement.Itmeantlearningtoexistwithouttheconstraintsofminutesandhours.Livingwithpawprintsonhispantsandunderstandingthatshewoulddoinconceivablethingslikevolunteertobabysitthirtychildrenandstuffthemwithdonuts.Orstealcheeseinbroaddaylight.
Whywashesmiling,dammit?
Hewas.Hecouldseehisreflectioninthemicrowave.
Iproposethatwebothdosomethingthatscaresusthisweek.
WasitinbadtastetotaketheadvicefromhissecretadmireranduseittosuithispurposeswithHallie?Probably.But,
Jesus,nowthathe’dgivenhimselfpermissiontogogether,arushofanticipationstartedinthecrownofhishead,blasting
downtohisfeetsoswiftly,hehadtoleanagainstthewall.

Okay,then.
Mygoalistodateher.Mygoalistobeherboyfriend.
Hecouldbarelyhearhisownthoughtsovertheruckushisheartwasmaking.
Andyes,hewasgoingtotryhisdamndesttostopstuffingeverythinginlifeintotheparametersofaplanandaschedule.
Butnotwhenitcametothis.Toher.Heneededaplanforwinningher,becausesomethingdeepintherecessesofhischest
toldhimthiswastooimportanttobeleftuptochance.
ChapterSeventeen
TuesdaynightHalliestoodinfrontofherfull-lengthmirrorintwodifferentshoes,tryingtodecidewhichonelookedbetter.
ShesnappedaquickpicturewithherphoneandfireditofftoLavinia,whopromptlyrespondedwith:Weartheheels.Butifyoureplacemeasyourbestfriendtonight,bewarnedthatIwillstabyouwithone.
Never,Hallietextedback,snorting.

Shekickedasidesomeoftheclothesandbeautyproductsonherfloorandfoundthelintroller,draggingthestickinessdown
hersnugblackdresstoriditofthreevarietiesofdoghair.Shesteppedoverthepileofrejectedshoesandenteredher
ensuitebathroom,leavingthelintrollerinaplacesheprobablywouldn’tfinditnexttimeand—

Halliestraightened,herfingerspausingintheactofrootingthroughlipstickstofindtherightshadeofgoldenpeach.
Watchingheractionsasiftheywerebeingperformedbysomeoneelse,sheremovedthestickystripofdoghairfromtheroller,
threwitinthetrash,andreplacedtheessentialtoolfordogownersinthedrawer,wheresheusedtokeepit.

Shesteppedbackfromthemirrorandlookedaround,wincingattheclutter.
Nowthatshe’dtakenabigstepinherprofessionallife,tomorrowsheneededtotakealeapinherpersonalone—andrein
inthishousejungle.Oratleastgetarunningstart.

Butfirst,she’dgetthroughtonight
GoingtoawinetastingwithJulian’ssisterwasaterribleideaconsideringshe’dresolvedtomoveon.Forrealthistime.
Especiallyaftertheawkwardscenethathadplayedoutinhisfrontyard.He’dmadeitclearthattheywereincompatibleand
writtenalettertosomeoneelse,sowhatgavehimtherighttodecidewhatshedidwithhertime?Orwhomshespentitwith?

Theguesthousegardenwasalmostcomplete.Shehadn’tquitedecidedwhatshewouldusetofillthefinalspaces,butitwould
cometoher.Hopefullyonhernexttriptothenursery—andthenshecouldwrapupherresponsibilitiestotheVosfamily,
billthematriarch,andmoveon.Nomoresecretadmirerletters,either.Theywerejustanotherill-conceivedpartofher
life.She’dactedonimpulse,andwherediditleadher?

Tohavinghimvalidateallofherfeelings.Theonesshe’dheldontoforsolong.Andthosethingswerenotgood,because
Julianremainedunavailabletoher.Nothinghadchanged.Ifsherevealedherselftohimastheauthorofthoseletters,he
wouldprobablybedisappointedthatshewasn’tsomelike-mindedscholarwithahomefilingsystem.

Maybeshewouldwritetheletterstoherselffromnowon,insteadoftoJulian.They’dledhersomewhereuseful,hadn’tthey?She’dfinallyadmittedthatavoidancethroughchaoswasharmingherlivelihood.EvenherfriendshipwithLavinia,whohadbegunlookingatherinthatworried,measuringway.Hallieneededtoturnontoanewpath.Ahealthyone.
Hallieshuffledafewlipsticksintohermakeupcaseandsnappeditshut,suddenlylookingforwardtoacleaningspreein
themorning.Afreshstart.Maybeshewouldevenpickanewwallcolorforthelivingroomanddosomepainting.Peonypink
orpeacockblue.Somethingvividthatwouldserveasareminderthatshewasnotonlycapableofadmittingherself-destructive
habits,butoffindingawaytocorrecthercoursewhileremainingtruetoherself.

Withanod,HallierequestedanUberandspenttheten-minutewaitsayinggood-byetotheboys,whichledtoanotherharried
triptothelintroller,butthesnufflingsnuggleswerewellworthit.She’dtakenthemtothedogparkafterdinnersothey
couldrunoffanyexcessenergythatmightleadtohercominghometocouchstuffingalloverthefloor.Nowsheputsome
extrafoodintheirbowlsandwalkedoutthefrontdoor,clutchpurseinhand,sinkingintothebackseatoftheblackPrius.

JulianmusthavegivenhissisterHallie’sphonenumber,becauseNataliehadtextedherthatafternoonwithanaddressto
theapparentlySEAL-ownedwinery,ZelnickCellar.Theplacehadawebsite,butitwasunderconstruction,andshe’dnever
heardofitfromanyoneintown.Shewascurious,evenifspendingtheeveningwithaVoswasn’tthewiseststeponherroad
toseparatingherselffromallthingsJulian.

Tenminuteslater,theUberstoppedinfrontofamedium-sizebarnsurroundedbywoodenfencing.Flickeringlightshonefrom
within,andshecouldseeasmallcrowdstandingaround.Shehadtoimaginetheywerelocals,sinceshehadn’tbeenableto
findthetastingadvertisedanywhereontheWeb.Wasitentirelythroughwordofmouth?

Tossingathank-youtothedriver,Hallieclimbedoutofthebackseatandstood,tuggingdownthesnughemofherdress.Sheopenedtheflashlightapponherphone—gettingalotofuseoutofitlately,huh?—anddidherbesttonavigatethedirtpathleadingtothebarnwhilewearingskinnythree-inchheels.Theclosershegottothemusicandthecrowd,themorewell-litthepathbecame,andsheslippedherphonebackintoherpurse.Glowingwhitebulbsbouncedupanddowninthebreeze,strungfromhighpointsofthebarn.WasthattheBeachBoysplaying?Thishadtobethemostcasualwinetastingshe’deverattended.Nodoubtshe’doverdressed—
Juliansteppedintothebarnentrance
Inasharp,charcoal-graysuit.
Holdingabouquetofwildflowersinhishand.
Timesloweddown,allowinghertofeelandexperiencetheover-the-topresponseofherhormones.Theysangliketone-deaf
preteensintheshower,screechingthehighnoteswithmisplacedconfidence.Wow.Ohwow.Helookedlikehe’dwalkedoutof
anadvertisementforanexpensivewatchwithtoomanydials.OrGuccicologne.

Good.Lord.
Wait.Wildflowerswereherfavorite.Howhadheknown?

Honestly,ittrackedthattheywouldbe.Butstill.
Sherecognizedthepinkcellophanewrapping.He’dgoneallthewaytothenurseryforthatcolorfulspray.Whoweretheyfor?
Whywashehereinthefirstplace?
Closeyourmouthbeforeyoustartdrooling.
SalivatingbecameevenmoreofapossibilitywhenJulianclosedthedistancebetweenthem,stridingforwardinthatpurposefulwayofhis.Andwhenhisheadblockedthelightcomingfromthebarn,shesawdeterminationandfocusinthesetofhisjaw,theintensityofhiseyes,thedeeplineofconcentrationbetweenhiseyebrows.
“Hello,Hallie.”
Thesheerdepthofhisvoice,likethebellyofasubmarinescrapingtheoceanfloor,almosthadherbackingaway.Justdropping
herpurseandrunning.

Becausewhatwashappeninghere?
Withoutbreakingeyecontact,Julianpickedupherfreehandandwrappeditaroundthebouquetofwildflowers.“Foryou.”
Sheshookherhead.“Idon’tunderstand.”
Heseemedtobeexpectingthat,becausehisexpressiondidn’tshiftatall.Hemerelyseemedtornoverwhichpartofherface
tostudy.Nose,mouth,cheeks.“I’llexplain.Butfirst,IwanttoapologizeformybehavioronSunday.Iactedlikeajackass.”

Hallienoddeddazedly.Wassheacceptingthatapology?
Hardtosay,whenshewaswatchingJulianslowlydraghistonguefromrighttoleftalonghisbottomlip,anansweringclench
takingplacebetweenherthighs.Somethingwasdifferentabouthim.Heneverfailedtobeentirelymagnetic,butthiswas
onawholeotherlevel.Itwasalmostintentional.Likehe’dforgottenhisfilterathome.

“I’dliketheopportunitytospendtimewithyou,Hallie.”Hisattentiontraveleddownward,stoppingatthehemlineofher
dress,thatbumpinhisthroattravelinghigh,thenlow,alongwiththeregisterofhisvoice.Whenhereachedoutasingle
fingerandtracedthelocationwhereherskinmetthehem,theairvanishedfromherlungs.“Iwantto…dateyou.”

Hepackedsomuchbiteintotheword“date,”therewasnopretendingitdidn’thavemorethanonemeaning.Especiallywhenhisfingerwasjustinsidethehemnow,teasingsidetosidetoside,settingherlegstrembling.
“Youwanttodateme?”
“Yes.”
“Istilldon’tunderstand.Whatchanged?”
Julianhookedhisfingeranddraggedherclosebythehemofherdress.Breathless,herheadfellbacksoshewouldn’thave
tobreakeyecontact.God,hewastall.Didhegrowinthemoonlightordidhejustseemlargernowthathe’dapparentlystopped
withholdinghimself?

“Truthfully?”heasked.
“Yes,truthfully,”shewhispered.
Acutedistressflickeredbrieflyinhisgaze.“Ifeltyouslippingawayfromme.OnSundayintheyard.”Hepaused,visibly
searchingforanexplanation.“We’dleftthingsupintheairbefore,butthiswasdifferent,Hallie.AndIdidn’tlikeit.”
Hestudiedherclosely.“WasIright?Haveyouslippedawayfromme?”

Undersuchintensescrutiny,therewasnopointinprovidinganythingbutthetruth.“Yes.Ihave.”
Hischestrosesharply,shudderingbackdown.“Letmetryandreversethatdecision.”
“No.”Sheignoredhowsexyhelookedwiththatsingleprofessor’seyebrowhoistingintotheairandletthewordhangbetween
them.Maybethelongersheleftitthere,thebetterchanceshewouldhaveofactuallykeepingherresolve.Panickedbyherslimodds,Hallieremindedherselfthathe’dwrittenbacktotheotherwoman.Orwhatheassumedwasanotherwoman.He’dtoldastrangerdeep,importantthingsabouthimself,andthathurt,becausehe’dmadeHalliefeel
likehisconfidant.Thenhe’dgiventhatconfidencetosomeoneelse.

Oh,shewasthefurthestthingfromblamelesshere.Writingthoselettershadbeendeceptiveandshortsighted.Partofthereasonfordistancingherselfnowwastoleaveherfollybehindher,pretendshehadn’tactedsoimpulsively,andenjoythecleanslatesheplannedtostartwritingontomorrow.Shecouldadmitthat.However,thestingofhimleavingaletteronthatstumpcontinuedtolinger.
Andlast,butdefinitelynotleast,hadn’tsheproposedinherlastletterthattheybothdosomethingthatscaredthem?For
her,itwaswalkingintothelibraryandtakingthelandscapingjob.ForJulian,obviouslyitwasher.She—this—scaredhim.

Halliebitbackthesuddenneedtokneehiminthejewels.
“No?”heechoedHallie,hisfingertippausinginitssensualtravelsbeneathherhem,miseryetchingitselfonhisfeatures.
“Ireallyhavebehavedpoorly,haven’tI?”

Inallhonesty,theybothhad.
Soshecouldn’tanswerwithayes.Notwithoutbeingahypocrite.
“Whathappenedtousbeingwrongforeachother?”sheaskedinstead.“Wedecidedthatprettyearlyon,didn’twe?”
“Yes,”hesaid,movinghishandawayfromherwithavisibleeffort,curlinghisfingersintoafist,andshovingitinto
hispantspocket.“It’scometomyattentionthatIamfarmorewrongforyouthantheotherwayaround,Hallie.You’renothing
shortofbreathtaking.Uniqueandbeautifulandbold.AndI’magoddamnidiotifIevermadeyoufeelotherwise.”Shecould
feelinherboneshowbadlyhewantedtoreachforherinthatmoment.“I’msorry.Everysecondwe’vespenttogether,I’ve
beenrestrainingmyself.Tryingtokeep…tostaycontrolled.”

“Andthat’snotimportanttoyouanymore?”
“Notasimportantasyou.”
“Wow,”shewhispered,breathless.“Hardtofaultanyoftheseanswers.”
Thatfistcameoutofhispocket,andheshookitout,flexedhisfingersandsteppedforwardtocuphercheek,histhumb
tracingthecupid’sbowofherupperlip.“Iwanttolearnyou,Hallie.”Hisvoicewaslow,imploring.“Letmelearn.”

Ohmy.
Atremorcoursedfromherbellydowntoherknees,almostcausinghertoloseherbalance.Shemighthave,ifthemagnetism
ofhisgazewasn’tholdinghersteady.Ofcourse,whenthismandecidedtoberomantic,decidedtotryandwooawoman,the
resultsweredeadly.She’djustunderestimatedhowpotenthisfulleffortandattentionwouldbe.

Also,ifthiswasaninappropriatetimetobeturnedon,someoneneededtotellhervagina,becausewhilestandingwithJulian
intheswirlingmistofthemoonlitnight,hisbreathbathinghermouth,beltbucklegrazingherstomach,ittookserious
effortnottolickhim.Justlickhimanywhereshecouldreach.Maybethosecordsinhisneckortheforearmshewashiding
underneaththesleevesofhissuit—

“Everythingyou’rethinkingisrightthereonyourface,”hesaid,battlingasmile.
Hallietookastepbackward,losingthewarmthofhishand,hisbreath.“I’mthinkingaboutthewineI’mgoingtodrink.”
“Liar.”Hetossedaglancetowardthebarn.“Anddon’tgetyourhopesup.It’sterrible.Ifmysisterwasn’tinthere,I’d
suggestwemakearunforit.”

“Terriblewine?”Shegrimaced.“Howbadlydoesanyoneneedasister?”

Helaughed.Arich,rumblingsoundthatmadetheairfeellighter.“Comeon.”Heheldouthishandtoher.“We’llspillitoutunderthetablewhilehisbackisturned.”
“ThatsoundslikethekindofplanIwouldcomeupwith.”
Hiseyesflickeredwithdetermination.Affection.“I’mlearningyoualready.”
Lordhelpher,shecouldn’tdoanythingbuttwineherfingersthroughhisafterthat.Shewatchedwithagrapefruitinher
throatashekissedherknucklesgratefully,pullingherathissidetowardthebarn.Then…shewaswalkingintoawine
tastingholdingJulian’shand.Likeacouple.Heledherthroughalight-strungbarn,throughagatheringofabouttwodozen
people,thescentoffermentedgrapesandstrawheavyintheair.Guestsstoodingroupsaroundcandlelithigh-toptables,
theirglassesofwineremainingnoticeablyfull.

Thewaiterwho’dobviouslybeenhiredtorefillglassesandprodattendeestobuybottlestogolookedstressed,unsureof
whattodowithhimself.Andhisboss,theNavySEALturnedNapavintner,wastoobusystaringdeepintoNatalie’seyesto
advisehim.

“Ohboy,”Halliemuttered.
“Uh-huh.AskmehowgladIwaswhenyourUberpulledup.”
“Maybeweshouldhelp.”Julianslidafullglassofredwineinfrontofher,lookedatitpointedly.Shepickeditupand
tookasip,bitternessoozingdownherthroat.“DearGod,”shecroaked.“There’snowaytosalvagethis.”

“None,”Julianagreed.
SomeoneafewtablesovercalledHallie’sname—arecurringclient—andshewaved,smilingandexchangingsomepredictionsaboutwhatwouldbebloomingsoon.WhensheturnedbacktoJulian,hewaswatchingherclosely,thatdeepgroovetakinguprealestatebetweenhisbrows.Allshecoulddowasstareinreturn,sighingshakilywhenherestedabighandonherhip,tugginghercloser.Closer.Untilshewasinthecircleofhisheat,headtiltedback.“You’redangerouslikethis,”shemurmured.
Thatthumbdugintoherhipbone,eversoslightly.“Likewhat?”
Tinglesranallthewaydowntohertoes,hairfolliclespricklingonthecrownofherhead.“Areyougoingtopretendlike
you’renottryingtoseduceme?”

Hisfocusfelltohermouth.“Oh,Iamonehundredpercenttryingtoseduceyou.”
Along,hotclenchingtookplacebetweenherthighs,tummymusclescoiling,skintemperatureskyrocketing.Withatrembling
laugh,sheglancedoverhershoulderandquicklyscannedtheroom.“Atleastthreeofmyregularclientsarehere.Itwouldn’t
beveryprofessionaltobeseducedwheretheycanseeme.”

Washelookingatthepulseinherneck?Itstartedbeatingfaster,asifpreeningundertheattention.“ThenIsuggestwe
goforawalk.”

Shepursedherlipsathimandhummed.“Idon’tknowaboutthat.Thelasttimewewentforawalkinavineyard,Ionlycame
backdisappointed.”

Thecornerofhismouthjumpedwithhumor,buthiseyeswereserious.“Notthistime,Hallie.”
Apromise.Aconfidentone.
“Whatdoesthatmean,exactly?”Hallieaskedsoftly,haltingly.
Hehesitatedamoment,tonguetuckedintohischeek.Thenhedroppedhismouthtoherearandsaid,“Itmeans,thistimeI’m
notfinishingonyourthighs.”

HolymotherofGod.
Imagesbombardedhermind.ThosewiresinJulian’sneckstraining,handsroamingdesperatelyinthedarkness,herkneesinhisbighands.
Ifshedidn’tknowanybetter,shewouldhavethoughtthatonesipofterriblewinehadgonetoherhead,thegiddyliftof
lustwassomagnificent.LettingherselfgetcarriedoffonJulian’scurrentcouldbeareallybadidea.Notonlydidshe
haveasecret—thatshewashissecretadmirer—buttherewasnoevidencethatarelationshipwouldwork.Infact,itwasatotallongshot.People
couldn’tchangesodrastically,couldthey?

Butweren’tmomentslikethiswhyshe’dfinagledherwayintofixingtheguesthousegardeninthefirstplace?She’dwanted
herdoseofmagicwithJulianVos.Nowthatsheknewhim,nowthatshe’dfallenfortherealman,beinghappywithasingle
momentwasimpossible.Shedidn’thavetothinkaboutthattonight,though.Shecouldjustletherselfbetakenfortheride.
Theoneshe’ddreamedaboutsincehighschool.Theonethatwassomuchmorepowerfulnowthatshe’dgottentoknowhim,this
manwhoboughtawningsforfailingwineshops.Orjumpedintohostchildren’sstorytimeandsavedherfrombeingarrested.

Lostinherthoughts,sheswayedforwardinvoluntarily,andherbreastsgrazedhisupperabdomen,thesuggestiveraspoftheir
clothingmakingherwanttomoan.Rubagainsthimlikeacat.Especiallywhenhiseyeswentsmoky,lidsheavy.

“Hallie,”hehalfgrowled.“Takethewalkwithme.”
Withtheword“yes”onthetipofhertongue,herconsciencemadealast-minuteattempttothrowupabarrier,talkherout
oftakingsomethingsheneededandwanted.Tellhimthetruthfirst,oryou’llregretit.Butapparentlyshe’dneedmoretimetobecomeareasonable,non-recklessperson.Becauseallshesaidwas“Yes.”
ChapterEighteen
Ifhedidn’tkisshersoon,theworldwasgoingtoend.Julianwasconvincedofthisbeyondanyshadowofadoubt.Hewas
sostarvedforthetastehe’dbeendenyinghimselfthathehustledheroutofthebarnliketheywereescapingitsimminent
collapse.Nothingwascollapsing,however,excepthisself-controlwhereHallie
Thiswasnotthewayhe’dplannedfortheeveningtogo.
Hewassupposedtoapologize.Theyweresupposedtositdownandtalk,sortthroughtheobstaclesbetweenthemanddevise
amutualplanformovingforwardtogether.Astwoadultswithacommongoal:ahealthy,communicativerelationship.Maybe
ifshehadn’twornthattightblackdress,hischancesforsuccesswouldhavebeenmorerealistic.Maybeifshedidn’tmake
himfeelanimalistic,hewouldn’tbedraggingheroutintothedarknessrightnow,hiscockhalfwaytoerect,abeadofsweat
tricklingdownhisspine.

Andmaybeifhedidn’tfeelhimselffallingirreversiblyinlovewithher,hemighthavealreadydraggedherintotheshadowsbynowandsatisfiedhiscravingforherperfectmouth.Buthefeltwhatwashappening.Acutely.Thus,hecouldn’tignorethesoreweightofhisheartwhereitsatinhischest,wonderingwhyithadn’tbeenuseduntilnow.Couldn’tignorethewayhisthroatseemedtobejammedthroughwithpinseverytimesheblinkedathim.
JesusChrist.Lovewaspain,apparently.
Lovewasbeingstrippeddowntothebones.Beingmorethanwillingtobegformore.
Andbecausehewantedmorethanjustonenight,becausehewantedtotryhisfuckinghardestformorethanasweatyencounter
withthiswoman,heslowedhisstepandbreatheddeeplyinthroughhisnose,outthroughhismouth.

“Everythingyou’rethinkingisrightthereonyourface,”shesaidtohisleft,echoingthewordshe’dsaidtoherearlier.
Becauseshewasabsolutelyincredible.Andhe’dbeendenyinghimselfduetohisfearoftheunknown.Hewasintheexactright
placewhentheyweretogether,andhecouldn’tfightthatfeelinganymore.Moreimportant,heneededtomakesureshefelt
rightbeingwithhim,too.Asiftheywerestandingintheexactsamespotinthisbigfuckinguniverse,notasingleinch
apart,physicallyoremotionally.

Wasthatutterlyterrifying?Yeah.Itwas.Ashe’dknownfromthebeginning,thiswomanthrewhimoff-center,dashedhisplans,andflauntedtimelikeitwasasuggestion.Shecouldverywelldrivehimcompletelyinsane.Butwhileholdingherhandandleadingherintothevineyard,betweentherowsoffragrantnighttimevines,nootherchoicesexisted.Tomorrownootherchoiceswouldexist.Orthedayortheyearafterthat.TherewasonlybeingwithHallie.He’dhavetoletsomethingotherthanhimselfdeterminethecourseofhistimegoingforward.
Chance.Possibilitieshedidn’tcontrol.
Thatrealizationwassoheavy,sohardforamanlikehimtograsp,thatheslowedtoastopaboutahundredyardsintoone
oftherows.Asifthey’dbeenmadespecificallytolocktogether,shewalkedrightintohisarms,hernoseflatteningagainst
thesideofhisneckinsuchanendearingway,suchatrustfulway,ittookhimamomenttospeak.

“Beinginthevinesremindedmeofthefire.Untilwewentpickingtogether.NowwhenIlookoutatthem,Ijustthinkof
you,”hesaid,watching,fascinatedbythewayoneofhercurlsloopedaroundhisfinger.“WereyouinSt.Helenawhenit
happened?”

Hisstomachwasalreadyplummetinglikeanelevatorwithasnappedcableinanticipationofheranswer.He’dbarelybeable
tostanditifshe’dbeenscared,letaloneindanger.Especiallyknowinghehadbeenintownatthetime.

“MygrandmotherandIdrovesouth.Westayedinamotelandwatchedthenewsforfivedaysstraight.”Shepulledbackand
searchedhisface.“Youstayedbehind.”

Henodded,hearingthedistantcracklingofburningwood.“MyfatherandIdidwhatwecouldtoprepare.Evacuatedeveryone,movedequipment.Buttheysaid…fireofficialstolduswehadsixhoursbeforethefirereachedus.Andithappenedinone.Onehourinsteadofsix.”Hecouldstillrememberthewaythatstolentimehadchokedhim,thewaydenialunzippedhimstraightdownthemiddle.Timewassupposedtobeabsolute.Afoundationforeverything.Forthefirsttime,ithadbetrayedhim.“Mysisterwasinoneofthelargershedswhenithappened—she’dbeenloadingwinestockintoatruck.Justanembercarryingonthewind,theysaid.Thewholethingwasupinflamesinamatterofminutes.Iwasacresawaywhenitstarted.BythetimeI’druntothebuilding,itwasengulfed.Weweretheonlyoneshere,sonooneheardherscreaming.Ialmostdidn’tgetherout.”Hedidn’twanttothinkaboutthat,sohemovedonbriskly.“I’dneverhadan—”
“Wait.Goback.”Wassheshaking?“Howdidyougetherout?”

“Iwentin,”heexplained.
“Youwentintoaburningbuildingtorescueyoursister.I’mjustclarifying.”
“I…Yes.Sheneededhelp.”
“Yousavedherlifeandshestillbroughtyoutothisterriblewinetasting,”Halliemurmured,shakingherhead.Despitethe
joke,however,sheappearedalmostshakenbythestory.“Iinterruptedwhatyouweregoingtosay.You’dneverhadawhat?”

Herarelysaidthetermoutloud,butthiswasHallie.“Ananxietyepisode.Asachild,Ihadthem,butnotsincethen.Notasanadult.Myschedulesdidn’tmakesenseinthecontextofthefire.Weweresupposedtohavesixhours,and,suddenly,we’redrivingthroughsmokejusthopingtoescapewithourlives.Timewasn’tsafeanymore.Mysisterwasn’tsafe.Ididn’tdowellwithit.”Hepausedtogatherhisthoughts,wipingtheperspirationfromhispalmsdownthesidesofhispants.“Ihatedthatfeeling.Thatlocked-upfeeling.AndyoumightthinkthefirewouldhaveactedassomekindofimmersiontherapyandI’dloosenmygripontime,realizingitcan’tbecontrolled,butIdoubleddowninstead.Ilosttime.Completely.Ijustsortofwentnumb,Hallie.Fordays.Myfamilywastryingtosalvagethewinery,andmentally,Iwasn’tthere.Ididnothingtohelpthem.AllIcoulddowassitinadarkroomandwritelessonplans.Lectures.Irememberalmostnothingfromthedaysafterthefire.
“That’swhyI’vebeentryingsohardtostayawayfromyou.AnythingthatthreatensthiscontrolIhave…I’vebeenseeing
itastheenemy.Whenitgetsaholdofme,Idon’trecoverquicklylikeGarth.It’ssomethingtoavoidatallcosts.ButI
can’tdothatwithyouanymore,becauseyou’reworthburningfor.You’reworthturninganddrivingstraightintothefire.”

“Whoa,”shewhispered,thegrayofhereyesswimmingandstarlit.“Idon’tknowwhichpartofthattoaddressfirst.Thepart
thatmaybeyou’reaheroforsavingyoursister,butyoucanonlyfocusonadarkmomentor—or…”

Hestrippedoffhisjacketandtosseditbehindherontotheground,onlysparingafleetingthoughtforthedrycleaning.
“ThepartwhenIsaidI’ddrivethroughfireforyou?”

Shenodded,hereyeslockedonhisfingerswheretheywereunknottinghistie,thenshovingtheballed-upmaterialintothe
rightfrontpocketofhisdresspants.“Yeah,thatpart.”

“Whataboutit?”heasked.
Hereyesliftedhesitantly.“WhatifIsaidIwoulddothesameforyou?”
Thisiswhatitmeanttobechokedup.Tohavehissanityinthehandsofanotherpersontodowithwhattheywanted.“I’d
befuckinggrateful.”Hecaughtherbythehipsanddraggedherclose,hissingabreathwhenherbellyfinally,finallymet
hisachinglength.“ButI’dalsolosemymindifyouwereeverinthatkindofdanger,sopleasedon’teversaythatoutloud
again.”

“Itwasyouranalogy,”Hallieteased,goinguponhertoes,aslowrakingoftitsandbellyandhipsupthefrontofhisprimedbody,andhegroanedloudly,thereinthemiddleofthevineyard.“Thankyoufortellingmethat.”
OhJesus,hecouldn’ttakeherwhisperedgratitudeontopofhisdickbeingsohard.Whohadsentthiswomantokillhim?
Hewashungryanddesperateandreadytogiveupyearsofhislifetogethishandsonthosebreasts.“I’lltellyouanything
youwant,justletmekissthatgoddamnmouth.Letmegetontopofyou.”

Withasmallsoundofshock—didshenotunderstandhewasdying?—Hallielurchedhigherontohertoesandgaveuphermouth,
lettinghimcomefromaboveandwreckit,brokenandstarvedandneedy,hishandstryingtoclutchandsmootheverypartof
heratonce,experienceeveryinch.Theytunneledthroughherhairandrakeddownherback,yankingherbytheassintothe
cradleofhislap,bothofthemgaspingintothekissoverthemiraculousfrictiontheycreated.Thechafetheykeptalive
withrubsandpushesandgrinds.

“Tellmewe’refuckingtonight,Hallie,”hegrittedout,teethpressedtoherear.
“Wasyourmouthalwaysthisdirty?”shegasped.
“No.”Heurgedherdownontotheground,andshewent,landingflatonherbackontopofhisspread-outjacket,hercurls
bouncingoutinninetydirections,asightthatmadehishandsshake,itwassoher.“Andyoucanblamemycolorfulvocabularyonthefactthatyou’vebeenbentoveronyourkneesoutsideofmyofficewindow
forweeks.”Helethisweightsettleontopofherincrediblecurves,slowly,hisbreathescapinglikeairfromatirepuncture,
hisballsthrobbinglikeasonofabitch.“Weeks.”

“Thatisthestandardflower-plantingposition.”
Hereacheddown,gatheredthehemofherdressinhishand,andworkedituptoherhips,immediatelyrockingintothespacebetweenherthighs,deprivedatneverhavingbeentherebefore.Beinglikethis,withher,waswherehebelonged.AndGod,thewayshemoanedandarchedherback,coveredinmoonlightandaflush,wastheclosesthe’devercometomagic.“Flowersarethelastthingonmymindwhenyou’reonallfours,”hegrittedout,rockingagain,gratificationthickinhisstomachwhenshepressedherkneesopen,grabbedthesidesofhiswaistband,andpulled,urged,lifted.“I’mthinkingofyourbareassslappingagainstmystomach.”
“G-great,”shestammeredinbetweenhotrakesoftheiropenmouths.“I’llneverbeabletodomyjobagainwithoutblushing.”
“Speakingofthisblush.”Christ,hecouldbarelymakeouthisownwords,theyweresoslurredwithlust,muffledintoher
neckashetracedalinedownwardwithhistongue,overthesmoothpatchbehindherear,thecurveofhercollarbone,the
sweet-smellinghollowofherthroat.“Howfardowndoesitgo?”

“Idon’tknow,”shebreathed.“I’veneverchecked.”
“Webetterfindout.”Julianwatchedherfacecloselyashelickedapathoverthehillsofhercleavage,needingtoknow
theyweretogetherinthis.Continuing.“Hallie.Areyouwearingthatgoddamnpolkadotbra?”

“I…Yes.Howdidyou—”
Groaning,hekissedherstiffnipplesthroughthematerialofherdress,thefactthatshe’dwornthattormentingunderwear
turninghisdicktostone.“Letmetakeitoffandsuckthem,sweetheart.”

Shestruggledtopullinabreath.“Oh,wow.Keymomenttopullouttheendearment.”
Heopenedhismouthoverthestiffbud,rakinghislipssidetoside,groaningwhenitswelled,grewsharper.“I’vebeencallingyouthatinmyheadformuchlonger.”
“Justpullmytopdownalready,”shesaidinarushinglaughthatgothischestsoheavilyinvolvedinthemoment,evenmore
thanitalreadywas,hehadtopresshisfacebetweenherbreastsandsteadyhimselfwithherrapid-fireheartbeat.Inhaling
throughhisnoseandoutthroughhismouthuntilthesqueezeturnedbearable.Mostly.“Julian…”

“Iknow.”Hehadnoideawhatthatexchangemeant,onlythatHallie’suseofhisnameanchoredhimevenmore,madehismouth
eagerforthetasteofhertongueagain.Andhegaveintoit,travelingbackuptohermouthformorekissing,morewild
drawingofsuctionandwetness,thenbackdowntoherheavingtits.Atsomepoint,they’dstartedworkingdowntheneckline
ofherdresstogether,ormaybethedragofhischestupanddownhaddoneit,becauseherbreastswerealmostfreeofher
bodiceandpolkadotbra,sobigandlushandsweet,hewhisperedaprayerbeforehisfirstlickacrossherbarenipples.
“FirstpartofyouIsawupclose,”hemutteredthickly.“LastthingIwanttoseebeforeIdie.”

Shegiggled,andJulianacceptedthathe’dbegoingtohellsomeday,becauseHalliegigglingwhilehesuckedhernipples,
thepolkadotbrapushingthemupforhisattention,hishandsmoldingthoseprettymoundsthoroughly,wasthehottestmoment
ofhislife.Nothingwouldevertopit.Althoughhewasprovenwrongafewsecondslaterwhenshestartedtowhimper,her
fingernailsdiggingintohisscalp,hipsrestlessontheground.

“Julian.”

“Thatgettingyouwet?”
Shenoddedjaggedly,bottomlipclampedbetweenherteeth.
“Yougoingtoletmecheck?”Hisfingertipswerealreadytrailingdownherinnerthigh,massagingtheinsideofherknee,
thentracingup,up,towardtheheat.“Iwantyoumorethanready,Hallie.I’llplaywiththemuntilthezipperofmypants
isyourworstenemy.”

“OhmyGod.”
Thewayshekindofmeltedintothegroundandwrithedherhipseverytimehesaidsomethingdirtymadeitclearsheloved
it.AndJulianlovedit,too,thefreedomtosaywhatevercametohismind,wantinghertoknowwhathewasthinking,down
totheletter.He’dnevercaredbefore.Neverspokenmuchatallduringtheact.Nowhecouldn’tseemtokeephismouthshut,
cravingconnectionwithheroneverylevelavailable.Verbal,physical,emotional.

Hisfingersfoundherthen,massagingthroughthethinnylonofherpanties,dampnesssoakingthroughtomeethim.Yes.JesusChrist,yes.Somuchofitthathedroppedhisfacebetweenhertitsandmoaned,partingthefoldsofherfleshwithagentlysawing
knuckleandteasingherclit.Whenherhipsrearedupoffthegroundandshesobbed,hemovedoninstinct,capturinghermouth
inaroughkiss,knucklingthatsensitivelittlebudoverandoveragain.Thewildwayshegaveherselfovertothekissmade
himwonderif…wasshealreadyclose?

Julianpausedwithhismouthontopofhers.Theyinhaledandexhaledtogether.Fast.Faster.Anticipationsorealhecouldfeelitpressingdownonhisspine.“Youcomeeasy,don’tyou,Hallie?”Lookingherintheeye,hepulleddownherpanties,justbelowherpussy,trappedaroundthetopsofherthighs.“Irememberinthekitchenhowsweetyougotoff.Howquick.”Hepartedherfoldswithhisthumb,strokedthefulllengthofhersex,andwatchedhereyesrollintothebackofherhead.“You’renotjustbeautifulandsexyand—Jesus—thefuckingcurves.”Withanipandtugofherearlobe,Julianpushedhismiddlefingerinsideofher.“Youareahornylittlething,aren’t
you?”

“Julian.”

Shewassayinghisname,buthecouldonlysortofhearitthroughtheringinginhisears.Tight.God,shewasreallytight.Andthewayherthighsjerkedinaroundhishand,likethesensationofhisfingerwasforeign?No…Butwhen
helookeddownintoherfaceandsawshewasholdingherbreath,visiblywaitingforhimtocatchup,heknew.“Hallie,you’re
avirgin.”

Abriefsilencepassed.“Yes.”
Whywasn’theshocked?Heshouldhavebeen,right?Thisvital,spontaneouswomanhadsomehowmadeittoagetwenty-ninewithout
exploringasensualsideofherselfthatwasverymuchaliveandwell.Thewomanwaspracticallyvibratingbeneathhim,every
singlepartofherengagedinwhattheyweredoing.MaybehewasjusttooovercomewithhungerforHallietodwellonsomething
souselessassurprise.Hisfocusremainedlockedonthefactthatshehadneedsrightnow.She’ddecidedtolethimhandlethemandthatwasgoodenough.

Ifanything,hejustneededtobeextrasure.Beforehetookhervirginity.
I’mherfirst.
Didthecrowdingofprideinhisthroatmakehimacaveman?
No.No,whowouldn’tbefuckingproudthatawomanlikeHalliehaddecidedhewasworthyofherfirsttime?Amanwhodidn’ttreasurethispositiondidn’tdeserveit—andthatwasthelasttimehethoughtofmeningeneralandHallieinthesamecontext,becausehisteethweresnappingatherneckasaresult.Mine.
Calmthehelldown.
Juliantriedtoinhaleasteadyingbreath,butitbroughtherscentalongwithitandonlysucceededinmakinghimsalivate.
Presshisfingeralittledeeperinsideofher,justtowatchthepulsejumpatthebaseofherneck.“Hallie.”Lord,hesounded
likethebigbadwolf.“Beonehundredpercenthonestwithmenow.Areyousureaboutthis?”

Fingersflexingonhisshoulders,shenoddedvigorously.“Yes.Positive.”
ThankGod.“Whydoyousoundrelieved?”

“Ithoughtyouweregoingtoberesponsibleandcallastoptoeverything.”
“Thatwouldbetheresponsiblethingtodo,”heagreed,evenwhilebitingapathdownthecenterofherbody,nippingathertits,her
belly,herthighs,beforebringingtheflatofhistongueupfirmlybetweenthefoldsofhersex.“Yourfirsttimeshould
beinasoftbed.Somewherefamiliar.Comfortable.”HepressedtheVofhisfingersoverherfleshandstripofblondhair,
openingheruptohim,andhecouldonlywishforsunlighttoseeherbetter.Tomemorizeeveryrippleandshadow.“Andhere
Iam,gettingreadytofuckyouonthehardground.Flatonyourbackwithyourdressuparoundyourwaist.Aren’tI,sweetheart?”

Beforeshecouldanswer,hedrewthetipofhistongueupthecenterofherpussyandleftitpoisedontopofherclitforlongseconds,beforewigglingitroughly.AndGodhelphim,shecame.Theproofofitmethistongueunexpectedly,andhedidn’tthink,justfollowedinstinctbylappingather,pushingherthighsaswideashecouldgetthem,andgoingforbroke,lickingthatswollenpleasuresourceuntilshewhimperedathimtostop.
“Please!”

Outofhisfuckingmind,hornybeyondbelief,heroseupoverherflushedbodywhilefumblingwithhisbelt,hiswallet,and
thecondom,rippingthefoilpacketopen.Shetriedtohelphim,theirhandsknockingtogether,theirmouthsseekingeach
otherforwet,illicitkissesthatwentstraighttohishead.Bothofthem.

“I’mputtingonacondom,butI’mgoingtoblowwhereit’ssodeepandtight,it’llfeellikeI’mwearingnothing—”
“OhGod,ohGod.”
“IfIdon’tgetinsideyousoon—”
“Don’tevenjokelikethat.”
Andsotheywerelaughinginpurepainwhenhepressedhiscockintoher,thesoundofamusementdyingonalong,guttural
groanfromJulian.“OhmyfuckingGod,”hebarkedintoherneck,easinghishipscloser,closer,meetingtheresistanceofuntriedfleshandstopping,panting,
inwardlycallinghimselfabastardfortakingsomethingsoperfect,butherfingersfistedintheelasticsidesofhisbriefs
andpulledhimdeep,somotherfuckingdeep,hermouthmoaning,hipslifting,theinsidesofherkneesgrazinghisribcage,hereyelidsfluttering.

Fuckohfuck.Thatwaswhenhestartedtospinout.

Outofcontrol.Hewasoutofcontrol
Hethoughthecoulddothis,throwhimselfheadfirstintoeverythingHalliemadehimfeel,buthe’dbeenfoolishtounderestimatethemagnitudeofit.Withherfleshstretchingaroundhim,hergazelockedonhisforcomfort,affectionandgratitudeand—Godforgivehim—possessivenessalmostbuckledhisheart.Therewasnoscheduletofallbackon.Nopenandpapertotakenotes.Therewasnothingtodobutleanintowhatshemadehimfeel,damntheoutcomeorconsequences.Hedidn’thaveanytoolsavailabletobuildadam.Witheachstrokeofherfingersonhisface,everykissofhisjawandshoulders,shewasstrippinghimofeverylastoneofthem.
“Hallie,”hegrowledintoherneck,startingtomove,fistingherhair,andstartingtofuckher.Hecouldn’tdoanything
elsewithherclutchingathimlikethat,mewlingeverytimehewentdeep.Washervirginityobvious?Yes.Godyes.Hecould
barelygetinandout,shewassofuckingsnug.Butitwasequallyobviousthatshewasenjoyingherself.Enjoyinghim.Her
eyeswereglazedover,herlipschantinghisname,andthosesilkysoftthighs,theyhuggedhimliketheyneverwantedhim
toleave.Orstop.Infact,theyurgedhimfaster,andhewent,buryinghistongueinhersweetmouthandkickinghiships
intoagallop.“You’vebeendoingsuchbadthingstomydick,sweetheart.Justbouncingaroundwiththosecurlsinyourtight
shorts,notacareintheworld,huh?Well,you’vegottodealwithmenow.You’vegottoletthosebeautifultitsoutand
dealwithme,don’tyou?”

“Yes,”shegasped,herfleshtighteninguparoundhim,herhipsimpatient.Acue,permissiontogoharder,faster,andhe
did,pressingtheirmoaningmouthstogetherandincreasinghispace,ashudderrackinghimintheexactmomentshelearned
herpower.Learnedthatshecouldflexherpussyandturnhimintoananimal.“Youlikethat,”shewhispered.

“Yes,yes,Ifuckinglikeit,”hepantedhoarsely.“Iloveit.Again.”

Andreally,itwasarecklessrequest,becauseheforgothisownnameafterthat.Forgotitwasherfirsttimeandtheyweren’t
allthatfarfromapublicgathering.Whensheconstrictedheralreadytoo-tightflesharoundhim,hereyesflashingwithexcitement
overhisdesperateresponse,thatwasit.Hisfingersdugintotheearth,andhewentblind,fuckingtorelievetheachebetween
histhighs.Fuckingtoclaimherashisown—nohelpforthat.Norationalizingit.

“Mine,sweetheart,mine,”hegruntedinherear,scoringhisteethdownthesideofherneck.

WhoamI?Hehadnoidea,onlythatthiswasrightwherehewassupposedtobe.Withher.Evenashisheadspunandpanicovertheunknown
threatened,hecouldn’tstop.Therewouldneverbeanystopping.Shewassalvationandhomecomingandlustandwoman.

“Hallie.Hallie.”

“Yes.”
Whatwasheasking?Noidea.Butsheknew.Sheknewandherbodyunderstood,herbackarchingsoherclitcouldrubagainst
histhrustingcock,thisincrediblevirginwho’dlearnedherownbodyinadvanceandhepraisedherforit,bathingherneck
withhistongueandscoopinghishandsbeneathherass,anchoringthemsohecouldangledownandstrokewheresheneeded,
exultantwhenshewhimperedbrokenlyinresponseandshookintoanotherorgasm,herpussyclampingaroundhim,makingitimpossible
forhimtodoanythingbutpumpdeepandfollow,thetwoofthemshakinginthedirttogether,mouthsfrantic,handssqueezing,
tryingtogetthroughtotheotherside.

RelieflikeJulianfeltshouldn’tevenexist.Itwastoopotent.Toopowerful.Howwouldhegoabouthisdailylifeeveragain
knowingthiscollisionofpowerandweaknesswasavailabletohim?Tothem?

Hetriednottocollapseontopofherandfailed,hisbodyutterlyrepleteoftension.Butshewelcomedhim,theirtonguesmovingtogetherlazilyineachother’smouths,herhandsmoldinghisasslikeclayinsidehisloosenedpants.With…asortofownershipthathecouldn’tbestowfastenough.“I’myours,too,”hesaid,stillregaininghisbreath.Wouldheevercatchitagain?“IncaseIforgottomentionthat.”
“Ireadbetweenthelines,”shemurmureddrowsily.
Therewasnothingtodobutkissher,savorthecatchinherthroat.Forhim.Whensheneededtobreathehepulledback,studying
her,stillunabletobreaktheconnectionoftheirbodies,thoughheneededtosoon.“Iloveyoulikethis.Drowsyandpinned
tothegroundwhereyoucan’tmaketrouble.”

Thosetiny,femininemusclesjumpedalongwiththecornerofhermouth.“Areyousure?”
“Itakeitback,”hesaidinagruffrush,hisshaftswellingbacktolife.Inamatterofminutes,he’dbecapableoftaking
heragain.Unbelievably,heneededto.Morethanhecouldrememberneedinganything.Evenwithhissweatstilldryingfromthelasttime.Thiswaslove.This
wasinfatuation.Therewasnowayout,andhewasn’tlookingforanexit.No,hewassealingallofthemshut.Butwashe
goingtofuckheragainonthehardgroundintherapidlydroppingtemperatureinsteadofcaringforherlikeshedeserved?
Alsono.Asmuchasthiswasgoingtokillhim.Withawince,Julianpulledout,tookcareofthecondom.“Comehomewith
me,”hesaid,watchingasshefixedherdress,coveringlove-bittenbreastsandthighschafedfromthematerialofhispants.
Mine.“Letmedothisbetter.”

“Wait.”Sheblinkedathim.“There’sabetter?”
Hisheartylaughechoedacrossthevineyard.
***
Whentheyreachedthelightedareasurroundingthebarn,hetookstockofHallie’sappearance,pullingpiecesofstrawand
mulchfromherhair,dustingdirtoffhercalvesandelbows.Shedidthesameforhim,thoughhe’dsustainedfarlessdamage.
Hepulledhercloseandwhisperedintheshadowofthebarnabouthowsheshouldwearherhairtocoverthelovebiteonher
neck,theirfingerstanglingtogether,mouthsunabletostopconnecting,lipsbrushing,kissesdeepening.

Finally,theymanagedtomustersomedecentbehavior,holdinghandsontheirwaybackintothebarn,whichwasnow…empty.
Theystoppedshort.
Well,notentirelyempty.
NatalieandtheSEAL—August,right?—weretoetotoe,theirnosesinchesapart.Butthistime,theyweren’tflirting.No,he
knewhissister’s“pissedoff”posturewhenhesawit.

“Uh-oh,”Halliemurmured.
“Iwasonlymakingasuggestion,”Nataliesaid,verysuccinctly,upatthehulkingmilitaryman.“Igrewuponavineyard—fermentation
isinmyblood.”

“Onlyproblemwiththat,baby,isIdidn’task.”
“Well,youshouldhaveaskedsomeone.Becauseyourwinetasteslikedemonpiss.”
“Didn’tstopyoufromdrinkingagallonofit,”hepointedoutcalmly.
“MaybeIneededtobedrunktoconsidersleepingwithyou!”
Themangrinned.Orbaredhisteeth.Hardtotellfromthisdistance.“Offerisstillopen,Natalie.Aslongasyoupromise
tostoptalking.”

Withthat,NataliethrewwineinAugust’sface.
Julianshotforward,noideahowtheSEALwasgoingtoreact.Butheworriedfornothing,becausethemandidn’tevenflinch.
Instead,helickedthewineoffhisownchinandwinkedather.“Tastesfinetome.”

“Ihateyou.”
“Thefeelingismutual.”
Anglingherfacetowardtherafters,sheshriekedthroughherteeth.“Ican’tbelievethethingsIwasgoingtoletyoudotome.”

ThatgaveAugustpause.HegaveNatalieaverydistinctonce-overthatJulianimmediatelywishedhecoulderasefromhisbrain.
“Justoutofcuriosity,”Auguststarted,“thosethingswere…?”

“Allright.”Julianclearedhisthroat.“I’llstopyouboththere.”
“Wherehaveyoubeen?”Nataliecriedout,throwingupherhandsatherbrother’sapproach.“YouleftmeherewiththisNeanderthaland—”ShespiedHallieoverhisshoulder,andherlipstwitchedwithhumor.“Oh.Isee.Well,atleastoneofusgotlaid.”

ThebackofJulian’sneckheated.“Timetogo,Nat.”
She’dalreadystartedinhisdirection,butherstepsslowednow.“Youhaven’tcalledmethatsincewewereinhighschool.”
Natalieshookherselfandkeptwalking,pastJulianandoutofthebarn,towhereHalliewaited.Shedidn’tturnaroundonce,
soshedidn’tseeAugust’sregretfulexpression,butJuliandid.Itsignificantlyturneddownthevolumeonwhathe’dbeen
planningtosay,thoughnotcompletely.“TalktomysisterlikethatagainandI’llbreakyourjaw.”

August’seyebrowsshotup,asifunexpectedlyimpressed,andJulianleftthebarn.HefoundNatalieandHallieleaningupagainstthesideofhisrentalwherehe’dparkeditalongthemainroad.HalliewasmakingNatalielaugh,buthestillspiedafairamountoftensionbracketinghissister’smouth.
“Hey…”Hallierubbedhissister’sshoulderandcametowardhim,tighteningeverythingsouthofhischin.God,shewas
beautiful.“Youshouldgotakecareofyoursister.Anyway,I’veneverleftthedogsovernight.I’mnotsureifitwouldbe
apopularmove.”

“Jesus,”hemuttered.
“What?”
“Whenyouspendnightsatmyhouse,you’llhavetobringthem,won’tyou?”
Shepeeredupathim.“Worthit?”
“Bringawholecircus,Hallie.”
Evenaftereverythingthey’ddonetonight,abreathlesssortofsurprisedancedacrossherfeatures.“Itwouldn’tbethat
faroff.”Worrycutthroughthesurprise,butshetriedtohideitwithasmile.“Areyousureyou’rereadyforthat?”

“Yes.”
That’swhathesaid.Andhedamnwellmeantit.BecausehewasreadyforHallieinhislife.Infact,herbeingtherefelt
longpastdue.Iftherewasawhisperofself-doubtlingering,driftingtothepresentfromthatnightfouryearsago,he
wasmorethanwillingtoignoreitinfavorofkissinghisgirlfriendgoodnight.ChapterNineteen
Halliestoodinthemoonlightreadingthroughherfinalsecretadmirerletter.
And,yes,thiswoulddefinitelybethelastone.Shewascomingclean.
Afterthewinetasting,she’dgonestraighthomeandconfessedeverythingtoapieceoflinednotebookpaperandwalkedright
backoutthedoorwithit,refusingtogiveherselfachancetobackout.ButGod,didheractionssoundstupidinblack-and-white.

DearJulian,
ThisisHallie.I’mtheonewhohasbeenwritingyoutheletters.You’rewelcometohireahandwritinganalysisexpert,but
Ithinkonceyou’vereadthroughthefullcontents,you’llagreenosanepersonwouldownuptosomethingsocompletelyasinine
unlessitwastrue.

Ihadamassivecrushonyouinhighschool.Like,planningweddingsinhomeroommassive.Meetingyouasanadult,itseemedobviousthatI’dimaginedthesparkbetweenus.Orthatwe’dgrowntoofarinoppositedirectionstoevermeetinthemiddle.NowIrealizethatlovebetweenadultsmeansembracingflawsaswellasthesparklystuff.
Youareariverthatflowsinonedirection.Thereissometurbulenceunderthesurface,butyourcurrentkeepsyoumoving,
positiveyou’regoingtherightway.MeanwhileI’maswirlingeddy,unabletochooseacourse.Butwhirlpoolshaveasurface,
too.Theyhaveanunderneath.Ijustwantedtoexposeittoyouandseeifwecouldrelate.Iwantedtorelatetoyou,because
everythingIsaidinthoseletterswastrue.Idoadmireyou.Ialwayshave.You’resomuchmorethanyougiveyourselfcredit
for.You’rethoughtfulandheroicandfair.Thekindofpersonwhowantstobebetterandseestheirownfaultsissomeone
Iwanttospendtimewith.They’llcomplementmineifwewantitbadenough
I’msorryIliedtoyou.IhopeIhaven’truinedeverything,becausewhileIthoughtIwasinlovewithhighschoolJulian,
Ididn’tknowhim.Iknowtheman,though.AndnowIunderstandthedifferencebetweenloveandinfatuation.I’vefeltbothforyou,fifteen
yearsapart.Pleaseforgiveme.I’mtryingtochange
Hallie
Thatlastlinehadbeenerasedandrewrittenseveraltimes.Somethingaboutthatvowdidn’tsitquiterightwithHallie.Shewastryingtomakedecisionswithmoreconfidenceandtotakeamomenttothinkbeforemakingpotentiallydisastrousones.She’d
evensatdownandstartedacolor-codeddiagramofherplansforthelibrarygardenthismorning.Buttherewouldalwaysbe
anelementofchaosinsideofher.Ithadbeentheresinceshecouldremember,andevenhergrandmotherhadn’tbeenableto
containit.Notentirely.

Didshewanttochangeforaman?
Nope.
Excepthe’dalreadystartedtochangeforher.
It’scometomyattentionthatIamfarmorewrongforyouthantheotherwayaround,Hallie.You’renothingshortofbreathtaking.
Uniqueandbeautifulandbold.AndI’magoddamnidiotifIevermadeyoufeelotherwise
Letmelearn.
Diditqualifyaschangingforamanifthemanwasrearranginghimselfatthesametime?Orwasthatsimplythenatureof
compromise?

Therewasonlyonewaytofindout,andthatwas…trying.Givingtheirrelationshipachance,upcloseandpersonal.
Nomorehidingbehindletters.Nomorehiding,period.Theywerevulnerablearoundeachother.Hadbeensincethebeginning.
Andthatwasscaryforpeoplelikethem,buttherewasalsoabreathofpossibilitywhisperinginherear,tellingherthat
completevulnerabilitycouldbeglorious.Itcouldbetotallyright.WithJulian.

Achancetogrowalongsidesomeone,toadjusttogetheruntiltheymetinthemiddle.
Emotionally,theyhadplacestogo.Physically?
Theyhadthatpartdown.Realwell.
She’ddroppedherdefensesinthevineyardtonightlikeabadhabit.
Thinkingaboutwhatthey’ddone,aboutbreathlesswordsspokeninchokesandrushes,noteventhecoldbreezecouldcoolher
cheeks.Inallofherfantasies,she’dneverimaginedintimacylikeJulianhadshownhertonight.Thatdesperate,down-in-the-dirt
slakingofneeds.She’dneverexpectedtorelinquishherselfsototallytolust.Tosensation.Ortohavethewildfeelings
inherchestplaysuchapartinwhatherbodycraved.

Standingthereonthedarknessofthepath,shewantedhimagain.Notjustthereleaseoftensionhe’dgiveher,butthepress
ofhisweight.Thescentofsaltandwineandcologne,theirfingersintertwining,hishipstwistingandbuckingbetweenher
thighs.She’dneverbeenmorehonestinherlifethanshe’dbeenunderneathhim,nocriticalthoughtsforherselforsecond
guesses.Justlettinggo.Justflying.

HalliesquintedintothedistancetowardVosVineyardandcouldjustmakeoutthesilveroutlineoftheguesthouse.Shecould
gotherenow.Knockonhisdoorandhanddelivertheletter.Maybesheowedhimthat.Especiallyafterhe’dshownuptonight
atthetastingwithflowersandanapology.Shecoulddothesame,couldn’tshe?Facethemusicinperson?Andthelastthing
shewantedwastostartdowntheroadtowardarelationshipwithalie.Shefelttheincreasingstrainofthatdeceptionwith
everypassingmoment.

Hallietookafewstepsinthedirectionoftheguesthouse,herbraveryslippingawaylikepebblesfallingfromaholeinherpocket.Eventuallyshestopped,thebreezeblowingcurlsacrossherlineofvision.Julianmightreadtheletterandneedtimetoprocesseverything.Toreallyconsiderherwords.Wouldshebeputtinghimonthespotbystandingoverhisshoulderwhilehereadit?Wouldn’titbebettertoendthisjourneyhowitstarted—withaletter?Atleasthe’dhavespacetothink.Toconsiderwhathewanted.
Decisionmade,Hallietuckedtheletterassecurelyaspossibleintothedesignatedstumpcrackandjoggedupthepath,trying
toputasmuchdistanceaspossiblebetweenherandtheconfessionbeforeshechangedhermindandtookitback.Whatifthe
admirerjustsortof…vanished?Stoppedwriting?Julianwouldneverknowwhatshe’ddone.

Nope.You’renotgettingoffthateasy.
Inamatterofhours,hercraziestideayetwouldberevealedtoJulianandshe’djusthavetohope…
She’dhavetohopehestillwantedthecircus.
***
Afterreturninghomefromherletter-dropmission,Halliehadsleptfitfully,thedogsseemingtojudgeherfromtheendof
thebed.She’dwokenuptofindshe’doversleptwellintotheafternoon,herstomachgatheringlikewoolatthenumberson
theclock.Julianwouldbegettingreadyforhisrun.Mereminutesfromdiscoveringhersecret.

Shegotupandwalkedthedogs.Fedthem.
Brewedcoffeeandsatinherbackyardamongtheperiwinklehydrangeas,legscurledupbeneathheronthepatiofurniture.Herfingersdrummedonthesideofhermug,arapid-fireheartbeatinherchest.Julianmusthavefoundtheletterbynow.Hewasprobablybackhomereadingthroughitfortheeighthtime,wonderinghowhe’dmistakenpsychosisforcharm.Anysecondnow,herphonewouldringandhewouldverycurtlyattempttoendthings—andwhileshewouldn’tblamehim,shewouldtrytochangehismind.

Thatwasoneitemshe’dmanagedtoresolveinthemiddleofhersleeplessnight.
Wouldshefighthimifhetriedtobreakupwithher?
Yes.Ofcourse.Shewasworthalittlevexing,right?Shewasaslightlyfrazzled,oftenmuddiedgardenerwhocouldlaugh
easily,evenwhilecarryingaroundalakeofhurtinsideofher.Therewasoftennorhymeorreasontoherprofessionalideas,
butdidn’ttheyturnoutbeautifulenough?Likewise,whenshedidsomethingridiculouslikestealcheeseorbeginasecret-admirer-letter-writing
campaign,didn’tshemeanwell?

Yes.
Shelikedherplace.Shelovedherpeople.
Shejustneededtofindabetterwaytochannelherinheritedimpulses.Shewould,too,becausesittingthereinherbackyard
andwaitingforthemanshelovedtodiscoverherlieswastorturous,andsheneverwantedtofeelthatwayagain.

Whennoonrolledaroundandtherewasnocallorfront-doorarrivalfromJulian,Halliesetdownherstone-coldcupofcoffee
anddialedLavinia.

“Afternoon,love,”Laviniasang,thecashregisterdinginginthebackground.“Howwasthetastinglastnight?”
SheheardadistantechoofJuliangroaninghername.“Great,”sherespondedthroatily.“Itwasgreat.Listen…hasJulian
joggedpasttheshopyet?”

“Yes,ma’am.Hewasearlytoday,actually.”Someoneorderedaboxofassorteddonuts.“Comingrightup,”Laviniasaid,beforedroppinghervoice.“Yourmanranpastthewindowshirtlessatelevenfifteen.Iremembertheexacttime,becausethatwasthemomentIforgotmyweddingvows.Pretendedtoadjusttheangleofthespecialsboardonthesidewalk,butreallyIwaswatchingtheprofessor’ssweatybackmusclesflexinthesunshine.There’snoreasonyoushouldhaveallthefun.”
“Couldn’tagreemore.”Shepausedinthemiddleofherpacing.“Hewas…shirtless?”
“Utterly.Beautifully.Thatwillbethirteenfifty.”
“Youogledmyboyfriend,andI’msupposedtopayyou?”
“Iwastalkingtothecustomer.Andwhoareyoucalling‘boyfriend’?”Hertonegrewmoreandmoreexcited.“Isthatofficial,
then?”

“Well…”
Laviniagroaned.“Fucksake,woman.Whatnow?”
“Iconfessedeverything.Inafinal,no-holds-barredsecretadmirerletter.Ifhewentjoggingalmostanhourago,heshould
havefounditbynow.Inwhichcase,Imightnolongerbehisgirlfriend.Atleastduringtheestrangementperiodwherein
IwigglemywaybackintohisgoodgracesandweallhaveabiglaughaboutthisatThanksgiving.”

“You’vethoughtthisthrough,whichisunusual.”
Pacingagain,Halliepressedapalmtoherchurningstomach.“Ideservethat.”
Herfriendtoldthecustomertohaveagoodday.“Well,Imightbeabletoshedsomelightonwhyyourmomentaryboyfriend
hasn’tcalledyetcursingyoutoeternaldamnation.”Shepaused,soundingalittlesmug.“Hetookadifferentroute.”

Hallieskiddedtoastop.“Whatdoyoumeanhetookadifferentroute?”
“Onhisrun.Hedidn’tturndowntheusualpath.”
“Letmegetthisstraight.Hewasshirtlessandhedeviated?Heshirtlessdeviated?”

“Thatiscorrect.Whichleadsmetomynextquestion…”Inthebackground,adoorslappedshutandHallieheardtheflicker
ofalighter.“Howgoodwasthesex?”

Hallesputtered.“What?”
“Babe.Ihaveexperienceinthesemanmatters.IleftLondontofindahusbandbecauseIhadeffectivelyexhaustedthesearch,
ifyouknowwhatImean.Nostonesleftunturned.”

“Well,thatneedstobeonaT-shirt.”
“Pointis,”Laviniaplowedon,undeterred,“Iknowamanwho’sbeenlaidandlaidwellwhenIspotone.Hestirredmypheromones
fromtwoblocksaway.”

“Okay,you’replanningtoleaveJulian’sstonesunturned,right?”

“Oh,shutup.I’mahappilymarriedwoman.Justhavingapeek.”HallieheardthecrackleoftheendofLavinia’scigarette
assheinhaled.“Again,mypoint.Youinspiredhimnotonlytorunabouttownlikealionwhojustmatedthelioness.But
youinspiredhimtotakeadifferentpath.”

PleasurewarredwithdistressjustbelowHallie’scollarbone.“Buthewon’tfindmyletterthatway.”
“You’llhavetotellhiminperson.”
Nottwosecondslater,Hallie’sdoorbellrang.
***
Ofcourse,thedogslosttheirminds.
Itwasn’tveryoftenthatsomeonerangherdoorbell.EvenUPShadwisedupandstarteddroppingoffpackagesunannouncedtoavoidthecaninedramathatensuedatthepressofabutton.Thistime,however,asthedogsirenswentoffaroundher,theywerenomatchfortheexplosivesgoingoffinherbelly.
Julian.
SomehowsheknewJulianstoodonherstoop.
Sheconfirmeditamomentlaterwhenshelookedthroughthepeephole,gettingamagnifiedeyefulofAdam’sappleandstubble
thatmadeherfingerstwitch,herinnerthighsgrowingticklishatthememoryofhavinghisfiveo’clockshadowthere.

“Julian?”sheasked,unnecessarily.Stalling,perhaps,inanattempttofindoutifhe’ddoubledback,gonehistypicalroute,
andfoundtheletter?

“Yeah.It’sme.”Hechuckledwarmly,asoundthatreachedthroughthedoorandmadehertingly.“Sorryforsettingoffthe
alarm.”

HavingrecognizedJulian’svoice,theboys’tonehadchangedfromdefensivetoexcited.Whydidthatmakeherheartswell
tothesizeofaballoon?Theylikedhim.Shelovedhim.

Andhedefinitely,definitelyhadn’tfoundtheletter.
Whichmeantshe’dhavetotellhiminperson.Asin,rightnow.Beforewhatwashappeningbetweenthemgotanymoreserious.
Ohmanohmanohman.Shouldsheopenwithajoke?Unlockingthedoor,shecrackeditaninchandfoundthemostdevastatinglyhandsomemanin
existencestaringdownather.“Justrememberthatnomatterwhathappenswhenyoucomeinside,Ihavealintroller.”

“Considermewarned.”
Bitingherlip,sheopenedthedoortheremainingdistanceandsteppedback,gesturingforhimtocomeinside.Hehadtoduckslightlytogetbeneaththedoorframe,likeagiantbeingwelcomedintoadollhouse—andthatthemecontinuedashesteppedclosertoHallie,lookingoverherheadandslowlyscanninghercottagefromlefttoright.
“It’sexactlywhatIthoughtitwouldlooklike,”hesaid,finally,voicepitchedlow.“Colorfulandhomey…andslightly
cluttered.”

Hermouthfellopenonagasp.“Areyouserious?Ijustperformedthebiggestcleanofmylifetime!”
Julianwaslaughing,linesfanningoutaroundhiseyes.“Thatwasn’tacriticism.”Thesmileonhismouthdroppedindegrees,
andhereacheduptothreadhisfingersthroughherhair.“Howcoulditbewhenitremindsmeofyou?”

Theorganinherchestfloppedoverwithallthegraceofacinderblock.“Y-you’recallingmecluttered,andI’mexpected
tofindthatromantic?”

Hegrazedtheirlipstogether,thoselongfingersspearingfartherintoherhairuntilhecradledherscalp,controllingthe
angleofherneck.Gently,hetugged,pullingherheadback,andthen—ohLord—heranhisopenmouthupthefrontofherthroat.“Iftheclutterisyours,Iwantit,”hewhisperedagainsthermouth.“If
you’relate,Idon’tcare.Justfuckingshowup.”

Hallie’sknees,ankles,andhipsnearlygaveout,allatthesametime.Especiallywhenhisgriptightenedinherhair,angling
heronewayandhismouthanother,devouringherlikeameal.Thekisswasleashed,butHalliecouldfeelthephysicalvibrations
andknewitcosthimaheapingdoseofwillpowertoholdback.Andshedidn’twantthat.Withhisstubbleraspingagainst
herchinandhismintytonguelickingintohermouth,shewantedmoreofwhatthey’ddonelastnight.Badly.Butheended
thekisswithagrowlbeforeshecouldshedherrobeanddemandtobetaken,hisforeheadpressingdownonhers.

“Itookyourvirginityonthegroundlastnight,Hallie.”
“Objection.Igaveyoumyvirginityonthegroundlastnight,Julian.”

“Fairenough.”Heseemedtobeperformingaseriousstudyofthecurlsonthetopofherhead,thatdeepvalleypresentbetween
hisbrows.“ButIdidn’tuseasmuchcareasIwouldhave…”

“Asyouwouldhavenormally?”
“Whatdoyoumean‘normally’?”Hefrowned.“Thatimpliesthatthereiseventheremotestcomparisonbetweenyouandanyone
else.”

Oh.
Okay,then.
“SoI’mabnormalnow?”shebreathed,rearrangingherentiredefinitionofromance.
Apparentlyitwasnotwineandroses.Itwasthismantellinghershewascluttered,perpetuallylate,andunusual.
“Definitelythat.”HetookalongsamplingofHallie’smouth,untilshewasweavingdrunkenlyonherfeet.“Imeanttosay,
Ididn’tuseasmuchcareasIwouldhaveliked.”Theheelofhishandscrubbeddownherspine,fistingthematerialofher
robe.“IfIhadn’tletwhatIfeelforyoubuilduntilitwasoutofcontrol.”
Halliestareddeliriouslyupattheceiling,herbrilliant,beautifulloverspeakingauniquelybluntversionofpoetryinto
herear.Andshewassupposedtotellhimabouttheletters?Thatthey’dcomefromher?Rightnow?Shewasjustsupposedto
shatterthisperfectbondofintimacyandhonestythey’dformed?Thissensethateverythingwasrightintheworldwhenthey
wereskintoskin,mouthtomouth?

Butyouhaven’tbeenhonest.Notentirely.
Sure,everywordofthoselettershadcomestraightfromtheheart.Butshe’dmisrepresentedherself.Lethimbelievehewaswritingtoaperfectstranger.Andworse,whenhe’dquotedherexactwords,she’dlettheopportunitytobetruthfulpass.Well,shecouldn’tregretitmorethanshedidinthismoment,whenheheldhersotightly,shehadtolimitherbreaths.
“Ilovedwhatwedidlastnight,”shewhispered,becauseatleastitwasthetruth.And,sinceitfeltsogoodtotellhim
thetruth,shegavehimmore.“Iwanttodoitagain.”

“Wewill,”hesaidquickly,snakingaforearmbeneathherbuttanddrawingHallieontohertoes,aligningtheirlaps,tilting
hiships,theirbreathsacceleratingliketwinenginesbetweenthem.“Wedamnwellwill,Hallie.ButI’mtakingyououtfirst.”

“Youare?”Shefelthimthickenbetweenthem.“Youhaveaplan,don’tyou?”
Hebitoffacurseandeasedhishipsback,holdinghersawayinacrushinggrip.“Yes.I’msettingthetone.”Hismouthswooped
downandcaughtherlips,deliveringadizzyingonslaughtofstrokesfromhistongue.“Andthetoneis,you’remygirlfriend,
notagirlIhookupwithinafieldandsendhomeinanUber,allright?Icouldn’tsleeplastnight.ItfeltlikeI’dleft
everythingundonewithyou.”

Lastnight.
Whenshe’dbeendroppingoffherconfessionletteratthestump.
Tellhim.
Hewasbeingsohonest,andsheneededtodothesame.Butwouldtellinghimthetruthonlyruineverything?Attheveryleast,
shecouldbankafewmorekissesbeforedroppingthebomb.

“Ididn’tfeelundone,”shesaid,dazedfromtheprolongedcontact,theshapeofhim,theheattheyweregenerating.“Ifelt…done.”
Hisrichlaughagainsthermouthsentawarmshiverdownherspine.“Damn.”
“Damn?”
“Idon’twanttoleaveyou.”Hewoundacurlaroundhisindexfingerandletitspringfree,watchingithappeninfascination.
“ButthereisaluncheonthisafternooninCalistoga.It’sthetwentiethanniversaryofmyfatherformingtheNapaValley
AssociationofVintners.”

“IthoughtyourfatherwasinItaly.”
“Heis.NatalieandIareacceptingthehonoronhisbehalf,I’mmakingaspeech…”Thattrenchbetweenhiseyebrowsnow
wasaccompaniedbytwomore.“ItoldmymotherIwould.”

“What’sbotheringyouaboutdoingit?”
Agruffsoundcamefromhisthroat.Hetookhistime,asiftryingtopinpointtheexactsourceofhisirritation.“Napalikes
remindersoftradition.MyfatherandgrandfatherwereahugepartofestablishingSt.Helenaasawinedestination—I’mnot
denyingthat.They’renottheoneswhokeptitrunningwhenitbarelyhadapulse,though.”

Shesearchedhiseyes.“You’retalkingaboutyourmother.”
“Hmm.Sheshouldberecognized,justasmuchasDalton.More,possibly,atthisstage.”Foramoment,heremaineddeepin
thought,thenclearedhisthroat.Lookedather,expressionsuddenlyformal.“Wouldyoucomewithus?”

“Totheluncheon?”
“Yes.”
“I…Areyousure?”
Hebrushedhisthumbacrossherbottomlip,appearingrivetedbythecreasethatrandownthemiddle.“IfI’velearnedanythingsincewemetforasecondtime,Hallie,it’sthatI’mmuch,muchhappierwhenyou’rewithme.”
Oh.Mama.Hemeanteverywordofthat,too,didn’the?Hishonestywassoarresting,allshecoulddoforlongmomentswasstare.Obviously,
afterthatadmission,shewasgoingtotheluncheoncomehellorhighwater.Ifshecouldbetheretohelphimthroughadifficult
task,shewantedthatresponsibility.

Thatprivilege.
Shedidamentalinventoryofhercloset.“HowlongdoIhavetogetready?”
Visiblyeagertocalculatetime,Julianlookedathiswatch.“Twenty-oneminutes.”
“OhmyGod,”shesaid,pushingawayfromhim.
Toddpickeduponhernervousenergyandstartedtohowl.
“CanyouchoosesomethingoutofmyclosetwhileItakeashower?”Sheshoutedthesecondhalfofthequestionthroughher
ensuitebathroomdoor.“Whateverisappropriateforthedresscode.”

Amomentlater,therewasathudonthefloorofherbedroom.“Hallie,areyouawarethathalfofyourpossessionshavebeen
stuffedintothiscloset?”

Quickly,sheflippedontheshowerspray.“What?Ican’thearyou.”
Muffledgrumbling.
Withasmileonherface,shepinnedupherhair,showered,driedoff,andappliedsomequickmakeup.Herfavoriteblackbrawashangingonthebackofthedoorinthebathroom,andsheputiton,wrappingatowelaroundtherestofher.Shehesitatedwithherhandontheknob,wonderingifitwastoosoontowalkaroundinfrontofhiminatowel.Withtimeconstraintsbeingwhattheywere,didshehaveachoice?Blowingoutabreath,shepushedintothebedroom.AndtherewasJulianVos,sittingonherbed,withaflower-printcocktaildressdrapedacrosshislap,asifhe’dwalkedrightoutofherfantasies.Tallanddarkandseriousagainstthegirlishwhitecomforter.
“Ihavenoideaif…”
Hetrailedoff,thelumpinhisthroatmovingupanddown,fingerscurlingintofistsontheedgeofherbed.
“Youhavenoideaifwhat?”sheasked.
“Ifthisdresspassesasbusinesscasual.”Hewatchedhermovetothedresserandtugopenhertopdrawer,selectingapair
ofthin,nude-coloredhipstersthatwouldworkfortheoutfithe’dpicked.“Ijustwanttoseeyouinit.”

Halliegasped.
Thatlastpartwassaidagainstherbareshoulder.
Whendidhecrosstheroom?
“Ilovethatdress,”shesaidwithaneffort.“I—it’sagoodchoice.”
Hishandclosedaroundtheknotofhertowel,gripped,andtwisted,hismouthskatingdowntheslopeofherneck.“CanIsee
youwithoutthison?”

Self-consciousnesstriedtoruintheparty.Ofcourseitdid.She’dneverbeentotallynakedinfrontofamanbefore.Not
inthelight,especially.Andwhileshelovedherbody,sheloveditclothedmorethansheloveditunclothed.Whenshecould
controlwhatandhowmuchpeoplesawofherthighsandstomachandbutt.Couldcontrolhowmaterialsatagainsthercurves.
Ifheremovedthetowel,everythingwouldbeondisplay,downtoherlastdimple.

“Hallie,youcansayno.”
“It’sstupidtobenervous.Afterlastnight…”
“It’snotstupid.”Hekissedtheareabehindherear,bitingthespotgently.“Doesitblowmymindthatyou’rehesitantto
showmeyournakedbodywhenIwouldswimacrossalakeoffireforit?Alittle.”

Herfacewarmed.“Youmightbepicturingsomethingelse,though.”
Shefelthimfrownagainsthershoulder.“WouldithelpifyouknewwhatI’mpicturing?”
“Idon’tknow.Maybe?”
Hismouthsettledinthehairaboveherear.“Ithinkyou’resoft.No,Iknowyou’resoft.Ithinkyouworkhardinthesunandthedirt…anditshowsinyourhandsandcalvesandshoulders.But
thefactthatyou’reawomanisalsovery…fucking…obvious.Youhavetheseincredibletits.”Heslidhishandup
thefrontofhertowelandslowlysqueezedeachmound,bringinghernipplestoattention.“You’vegothips.Thekindthat
letmebealittleextraroughlastnight.”Hervisionstartedtodouble,thentriple,theperfumebottlesontopofherdresser
multiplyingintoanarmy.“Icanstillfeelmysweatystomachslidingupanddownontopofyourbelly.Ialreadyloveevery
inchofit.Iprobablyleftsomechafingbehindtoproveit,huh?”

Shemanagedadazednod.
“Youshowmewhenyou’reready,sweetheart.”Hishanddropped,fingertipstrailinguptheinsideofherthigh.Towardher
wetness.Thisshewasn’tafraidforhimtoknow.Toseeandfeel.Theywerepastthepointofpretendingtheydidn’tturneachotheron,and,rightnow,shewassofarovertheborderlineofturnedon,sheneededapassport.“Inthemeantime,canIleaveyouwithafinalthought?”
“Yes,”shewhispered.
Hishugehandclosedaroundhersex.Thewholething.Hejustswalloweditupinhisgripandheldit.Hard.“Iknowevery
littlejiggleofthisbody.They’vetakenturnsmakingmycockhard.Onebyonebyfuckingone.”Heclutchedfirmlyenough
tomakeherwhimper.“YourcurvesshakewhenI’mpackingthisthingtight.Iknowitforafactnow.Thepartsyou’renervous
toshowmeareactuallywhatmakemehard,Hallie.”Slowly,soslowly,hepartedherfleshwithhismiddlefingeranddragged
thatdigitthroughhersoakedvalley.“Youthinkaboutthatuntiltonight.”

Secretadmirerwho?
Involuntarily,theletterswerepushedtothebackofhermind.Tobethoughtaboutagain…tomorrow.
Definitelytomorrow.ChapterTwenty
WhenJulianwokeupthatmorning,hethoughthisbiggestchallengewouldbethespeechhewasabouttodeliver.He’dputtogether
someacknowledgmentsfortheassociationrecognizingDaltonVos,theirfoundingmember—peopleJuliandidn’tknow,whogreatly
admiredhisfather.Hewasaccustomedtothat.TosmilingandagreeingwithadmirerswhospokeofDalton’singenuity,his
revolutionarytechniquesanddedicationtoquality
Butasanadultmanwhoknewalotmorenowaboutresponsibility,ithadgrownhardertogrinandbearthecomplimentsabout
hisfather.Onthewaythroughthelobbyoftheresort-winery,he’dshakenhandswithwinemakersandcriticswhospokeDalton’s
nameasiftheywereconferringaboutasaint.

Butitturnedouttryingtonavigatethecurrentmoodsofthethreeextremelydifferentwomeninhislifewasevenmoredifficult.
Hismothersattohisleft,asmilegluedsosecurelytoherface,shelookedalmostmaniacal.Nataliewasalreadyonher
secondhelpingofCabernetandappearedtobelookingveryintentlyforthemeaningoflifeinthebottomoftheglass.

AndthentherewasHallie.
Shewasonhisright,hereyesonthespeakeratthefrontoftheballroom.Buttherewasaverydistinctpinknessscalingthebackofherneck,probablybecausehiseyesweremostdefinitelynotonthespeaker.Nowhereinthevicinitywhatsoever.Theywereonthoselittlecurlsatthe
napeofherneck,andsheobviouslyfelthimstaring.Beforethey’dlefthercottage,she’dworkedherhairupintosomesort
oftwistonthetopofherhead,andhe’dneverseenthoseextra-smallringletsofblondeupclosebefore.Iftheywerenot
sittingattheveryfrontofawatchfulaudience,hewouldpresshisfacetothespotfromwhichtheysprungandinhalethe
helloutofher.

Tosayshelookedgoodinthedresshe’dpickedwouldbeanunforgivableunderstatement.Didsherealizethepinkandgreen
flowerssplashedacrossthefrontofherdresscorrespondedwiththeexactpartshishandsweredyingtotouch?Althoughhe
suspectedtheflowerscouldbeinanylocationandhewouldwanttotouchthatexactplace,becauseeveryinchofherconsumed
andfascinatedhim
Julian’sfingerstwitchedinhislap,andhetampeddowntheurgetowindoneofthosecurlsaroundthesamefingerhe’dtouched
herwithearlier.Christ,theyweregoingtocallhimuponstageanyminutetomakeaspeechandhehadasemi—becauseof
ringlets—soheneededtostopthinkingofHallieinthattowel.Withnopantieson.

Feelingasifhehadsomesortoffever,JulianremovedhissuitjacketandhungitonthebackofHallie’schair,liking
thewayitlookedtherealittletoomuch.Amandidn’thanghisjacketonthebackofawoman’schairunlesstheyweretogether,
andnowtheroomknew—andthatsatisfiedsomethinginJulianhe’dneverknownexisted.

Mine.
He’dsaidthattoherlastnightinthevineyard,anditranginhisheadnowuntilheforcedaswallowandtorehiseyesfromthenapeofherflushedneck.
Later.
JulianletoutaslowbreathandturnedhisattentiontoNatalieandCorinne.Hissisterwasnowbuildingafortoutofsugar
packetsandcocktailnapkins.Andhecouldseehernervousactionsweren’tlostonHallie,whosenthimalookofconcern
overhershoulder.Norhadtheygoneunnoticedbyhismother,whosepasted-onsmilehaddimmedsomewhatduringtheintroductory
speech.Andifthismoment,thisfewsecondsintime,weretakingplaceamonthago,hemighthavebeenthinkingofnothing
butthepacingofhispreparedwords.Thescheduleoftheluncheonandhowitfitintohisday,theroutinehewouldneed
tocompleteuponarrivingbackattheguesthouselater.

Butthisstringofsecondswasn’thappeningamonthago.Theywererightnow.
Andhewouldn’ttradethismomentforanyother.Backgroundnoiseandmovementintheballroomblurredeverythingexceptfor
thewomensurroundinghim.HereachedforHallie’shandbeneaththetable;then,decidingitwasn’tenoughtohaveonlythat
oneconnectionwithher,hemovedhischaircloseruntilherscentwasstrongerandinhaleddeeply.

Allmomentswerenotequal.
Everysecondwasnotagrainofsandinanhourglass.
Timewasbiggerthanhim.
Maybetimewasn’tsomethingthatcouldbecontrolledatall;itwasaboutmakingtimematterwiththepeoplehecaredabout.
ThespeakercalledJulian’snamefromthepodium,andhestood,tookafewstepsbeforerealizinghewasstillholdingontoHallie’shand.He’dnearlydraggedherofftheseat.
“Sorry.”Hebenthisheadoverherknucklesandkissedthem,viewingtherapidintakeofherbreathandpartingofherlips
withtheclarityofamanwho’djustthrownoutthescript.Orhaditbeenthrownoutforhim—hewasn’ttotallysure,and,
ironically,hedidn’thavetimetofigureitout.

Julianacceptedaplaquefromthespeaker.Theystoodshouldertoshoulderandposedforaflurryofphotographsbeforehe
foundhimselfinfrontofthemicrophone.Heangledithighertoaccommodatehisheightandsettheplaquedownonthepodium.
That’swhenherealizedthenotecardscontainingbulletpointsforhisspeechwereinthepocketofthejackethangingon
thebackofHallie’schair.Thatreallyshouldhavethrownhimoff,butheonlyfoundhimselflookingdownatthetableof
womenwithasenseof…freedom.

Thehellwiththespeech.
“Thankyouverymuchforthishonor.MyfatherisgratefultotheNVAVforrecognizinghisearlycontributiontotheassociation
aftertwentyyearsofsuccess.HesendshisappreciationfromItaly.”Julianpaused,tracedafingeroverthegoldengraving.
“I’mnotgoingtoacceptthisrecognitiononhisbehalf,though.I’mgoingtoacceptitonbehalfofmymother.”

Somemurmuringstartedaroundtheballroom,headsduckingtowardeachother,whispersensuingbehindhands.Juliandidn’t
reallyseeanyofit,becausehewasbusywatchingHallieandNatalieandCorinne.People.Hispeople.

Corinneappearedtobeshell-shocked,buttherewasadistinctsheeninhereyesthat,inturn,createdanoddprickleinhisthroat.Natalie’shouseofsugarpacketshadlostthebattlewithgravity,andfinally,Hallie—God,hewassogladshewasthere—wassmilingathim,herknuckleswhiteinherlap.Shewasoutshiningtheentireroom,sobeautifulhestumbledoverhiswordsandsimplystared.Whatthehellhadhebeenabouttosay?
Focus.
“Mymotherpickedupthepiecesafterthefirefouryearsago,”hecontinued.“Itmightnotbeherfamilynameonthelabel,
butherfingerprintsareoneverybottlethatleavesthevineyard,Icanpromiseyouthat.Alongwiththehardworkofour
manager,Manuel,andthegroundscrewthatcultivatethegrapesasiftheirlastnamewereVos,too.Thevineyardonlythrives
becauseofthem,becauseofCorinneVos,andasmuchasweappreciatethishonor,sheshouldbeacknowledgedheretoday.And
everyday.Thankyou.”

***
“I’mjustsaying,itwouldhaveaddedtothedramaifyou’dthrowntheplaqueacrosstheballroomintothatwineglasspyramid,”
Nataliesaidfromtheothersideofthetable,allwhilesignalingthewaiterforanotherroundofdrinks.Insteadofstaying
forthefreeluncheon,they’dsensedthechillintheairanddecidedtofindalocalrestaurantinstead.“Youoffendedthe
winegodstoday,bro.Theyaregoingtodemandasacrificeaspayment.Anyoneknowanyvirgins?”

Atthat,HalliepromptlychokedonherSauvignonBlanc.
Doinghisbesttoremainexpressionless,Juliansqueezedherlegunderthetable.“Notasingleone—you?”
“Notsinceourmothermademegotobandcampintenthgrade.AndI’mprettysurethevirginswerenolongerinnocentonceitended.”Hissisterfellbackinherseatalittle.“Bandcamp:anorgywithflutes.”
“Loweryourvoice,Natalie,”Corinnehissed,buttherewasasparkleinhereyesthathadn’tbeentherepriortotheluncheon.
“Andthatwasaveryreputablebandprogram.Youmustbeexaggerating.”

“Wesecretlycalleditbangcamp,Mother.”

Corinnespatouthersipofwine,onlymanagingtocatchthetailendofspraywithhernapkin.“JesusChrist,”shechoked
out.“Pleasesparemetheknowledgethatyouparticipatedinanykindof…banging.”

“Unlessitwasdrumrelated,”Halliequalified,makingNatalielaugh.
Juliantuggedhercloserintheboothuntiltheirthighswerepressedtogether,hershouldertuckedbeneathhisarmpit,curls
closeenoughtocount.There.
“Whatyousaidtoday,Julian…”Corinnesaidabruptly,somelightcolorstaininghercheeks.“Youdidn’thavetodothat.
Myworkatthewineryhasbeenhard,butitwasneveraburden.It’sveryrewarding.”

“Rewardingworkcanstillbeacknowledged,”Juliansaid.
“Yes.”Hismothershiftedinherseat.“ButIdidn’tneedittobepointedoutpublicly.”

Julianshookhishead.“No,ofcoursenot.”
“Thatbeingsaid,itwasvery…nice.”Shereachedforthebreadbasket,thenseeminglydecidedagainstit.Fussedwith
herhairinstead.“Ididn’tmindit.”

Natalieburiedherfaceinaclothnapkin.“YoursonmakesadramaticspeechinyourhonorinfrontofthefoofiestwinosinNapaandallyoucansayis‘Itwasnice.’”
“IbelieveIsaid‘verynice.’”

“Whyarewethewaythatweare?”Nataliemusedattheceiling.
CorinnerolledhereyesatNatalie’sdramatics.“Wouldyouratherwehuggedconstantlyandhadthingslikemovienight?”
“Idon’tknow,”Nataliemuttered.“Maybe?Justtoexperiment.”
Surprisingly,hismotherdidn’tseeminclinedtodropthesubjectoftogethernessrightaway.“Well,I’dneedmychildren
tostickaroundawhileforthat.Iftheyaresoinclined.”Shefoldedherhandsonthetable,hergazefixingonJulian.“Julian,
yourfreshsetofeyesonthevineyardisalreadymakingadifference.Wehaveaplan—andIcan’trememberthelasttimeI
couldsaythat.Ihopewecanputyourfather’sharshwordswheretheybelong.Inthepast.Forgotten.Youaren’tmerelywelcome
tohelpmanagethewinery…Iwouldreallylikethat.Ihopeit’snottemporary.”

JuliancouldfeelHallie’squestioningeyesonthesideofhisface.Shewaslikelywonderingwhatexactlyhisfatherhad
saidtohim.Afterthefire.Afterhe’dpulledNatalieoutoftheshedwhereshe’dbeencorneredbyflames.That’swhenthe
secondhalfoftheanxietyhit,makingupforlosttime,theadrenalinewearingoffandthenumbnessstealingin.Rendering
himuselesstoeveryonewhentheyneededhimmost.

Ithadallhappened,rightthereinfrontofhisfamily.
You’vealwaysbeenafuckingheadcase,haven’tyou?JesusChrist.Lookatyou.Pullyourselftogether.Sticktoteachingandjust…stayawayfromwhat
I’vebuilt,allright?Stayawayfromthevineyard.
Yes,henowwasdeterminedtohelprevitalizethewinerywithorwithouttheapprovalofhisfather,butwouldthatniggleofdoubtinhisabilitiesevertrulygoaway?Maybe.Maybenot.Buthisindependentmotherwasopenlyaskingforhelp.Shereallyneededit—andhewantedtogiveit.Wantedtobringthelandofhislegacybackfromthebrinkoffailureandhelpitthrive.Forsolong,hehadn’t
allowedhimselftomisstheplace.Theprocess.ButjustlikeNataliesaidtotheSEALlastnight,fermentationwasinhis
blood.

Andyeah,lastbutcertainlyfarfromleast,Halliewashere
“I’mnotgoinganywhere,”hesaid,lookingdownatthewomanherself.
Lettingherknow.I’mstaying.We’redoingthis.
God,shewasbeautiful.Hecouldn’tstopstaring—

Nataliecoughedintoherfist,effectivelybreakingthespellbetweenthem.“Let’scirclebacktomydaysinbangcamp.”
JulianshookhisheadatNatalie.“Let’snot.Itwasbadenoughwatchingmysister’sattemptsatflirtingthisweek.Notonce
buttwice.”

Nataliesatupstraighter.“Attempts?”

Julian’smouthtwitched.“I’lllettheendresultspeakforitself.”
“Ohyou’retheexpert,areyou?”Hissistersputteredamoment,beforeherattentionzippedtoHallie.“Sincemybrotherseemstobeimplyingthat
he’sanexpertatflirting,pleasetellusabouthismasterfultechnique.”

Halliedoveinwithoutasinglehesitation,flatteningahandtoherchest.“Well,first,heforgotwekneweachotherin
highschool.Thatreallygottheballrolling.Butthen…”Shefannedherface.“Hecriticizedmygardeningtechniqueandcalledmechaotic.That
reallysealedthedeal.”

Memoriesstompedtotheforefrontofhismind,hisstomachroiling.HeturnedtoHallietoapologize,butshespokeagainbeforehecouldgetthere.
“Unfortunately,hefoiledmyplantoignorehim,whenheboughtthreecasesofwinefrommyfavoriteshoponGrapevineWay.
Corked.They’vebeenindangerofclosingdownforawhileanditwasmygrandmother’sfavoriteplace.Itoldhimthat,never
knowinghewouldhavebusinesscardsmadeforLornaandfinagleyouallintopassingthemoutatWineDown.Andthenhaveabrand-newawninginstalled,givingtheplaceamuch-neededface-liftthatwouldtripleherbusinessovernight.”

Julianrealizedhisjawwasinhislapandsnappedhismouthshut.“Youknew?”
“Iknew.”
Hegrunted,findingitdifficulttolookatherinpublicwiththatshygratitudeonhergorgeousface.Hedidn’tneedcredit
forhisdeeds,buttheproofthatthey’dservedtheirpurposeandmadeherhappy?God,he’dchoosehersmileoveroxygen,
righthereandnow.Anydayoftheweek.Andifshethoughtshewashappynow,tonightcouldnotcomefastenough.“Whydidn’t
yousayanything?”

“IwasholdingoutforCorked’snewlineofmerch,ofcourse.”
“T-shirtsandcorkscrewswouldbeagoodstart,”hesaidgruffly.
Whendidhegetcloseenoughtokissher?Withahardclearingofhisthroat,Julianputanappropriatedistancebetweenthem.Butthatdistancedidn’tlastverylong,becausehissister,winedrunkasusual,saidsomethingnextthatmadeHalliescootcloser.“Don’tforgetabouthowhemastermindedchildren’sstorytimeatWineDown,Hallie.”Shedroppedhervoicetoabaritone.“‘Idon’tlikeitwhenHallieisindistress.IwillexplodeifIdon’tfixitforher.’”
Allright.Nowhewasstartingtosweat.“Enough,Natalie.”
“Didyoureally…yousaidthat?”
“Perhapssomeversionofit,”heansweredbriskly.“Arewereadytoorder?”
“I’llhaveoneofyou,please,”Halliesaid,forhisearsalone.Inawaythatwasclearlymeanttobespokeninsideofherhead,notout.

AhardobjectflippedinJulian’schest,andhepressedhismouthtohertemple,inhalingtheparadisescentofherhair.
Skin.Hallie.“You’vealreadygotme,sweetheart.”
ChapterTwenty-One
Okay.Changeofplans.
Comeclean.Inreallife.Face-to-face.
Halliecouldnotlethimfindthatletter.

Thatapproachwastooimpersonalafterhe’deatenlunchwithonearmaroundherwaist,thatthumboccasionallydigginginto
herhiplikeapromise.Notaftershe’dcaughthimlookingathersooftenbetweenappetizersanddessert,asifhewereseeing
heroverandoveragainforthefirsttime.Notwhentheywerekissingagainstthefrontdoorofhercottage,herkeyshaving
clatteredtothegroundfiveminutesearlier,neitherofthemmakingamovetopickthemup.

Hisknuckleshadtracedhercheekbonesasiftheyweremadeofporcelain.Whentheybrokeforairandlockedeyes,theywereintheirveryownsolarsystem,therealworldlight-yearsaway.Hishardframepressedheragainstthedoorsecurely,hishandsfamiliarizingthemselveswithherbreastsandhipsandevenherknees—heseemedparticularlyinterestedinthose.Squeezingandcirclinghisthumbaroundthecap.Draggingoneofthemhigharoundhishipandkeepingittherewhileheworkedherupanddownagainstthewoodenbarrier,hislowerbodyrolling,surging.Bringingherupontohertoesoverandoveragainwithhoarsegasps.
God,shehadgoosebumpseverywhere.
Anescalatingwarmthbetweenherlegs
Shewasabodyofsensationsandnerveendingsandneeds.AndthemoreJuliankissedher,feedingherhistonguewithlicks
shefeltdowntohertoes,thesexiershebecameinherownskin.Howcouldshefeelanythingbutincrediblydesirablewhen
everyreverentscrapeofhisfingertipsonherwaistmadeherbreastsfeelfuller,moretempting.Hewassoaroused,heseemed
tobeinpain,andnowhishandswereclimbingthebacksofherthighstopalmherbutt,hishugebodycrowdingherintothe
doorwaywithagutturalsound.OhLord.
“D-doyouwanttocomeinforcoffee?”shehalflaughed,halfmoaned.
“Hallie,Ineedtotakeyoutobed,”hegrowled,momentarilybreakingtheirfrantickiss.“Thisisnotajoke.”
Histeethrakeddownherneck,hismouthracingbackupintoherhair,messingitup.Messingeverypartofherup,inside
andout.Butespeciallyherconscience—howcouldshebringthismaninsideandmakelovetohimknowingfullwellshehad
asecretthatmightmakehimsecond-guessthedecisiontobewithherinthefirstplace?

Tellhim.Tellhimnow.“Julian—”

“Theproblemis,Ican’tstopthinkingaboutyouhavinganorgasm.”Thatconfessionwasspokendirectlyontopofhermouth,herlipsmovingwithhis,asiftheywereformingthewordstogether.“Itwasaproblembeforelastnight.Butnow…Hallie.Now?”Hisfingersmovedbetweenherthighs,massagingherthroughthethinmaterialofherpanties.Pullingtheundergarmentdownhastilytothetopsofherthighsandrubbingslowly,slowly—rightthere—withtheheelofhishand.“NowIcan’tgoafullminutewithoutfeelingthewaythisthingfuckinggrippedmeattheend.”Hismiddlefingerpresseddeep,hermouthfallingopenonasilentmoan.God,ohGod.“I’mgoingtoputyouonmylaptonight.Yourbraisgoingtobeoff.Gone.Burned,forallIcare.Andyou’regoingto
ridecock.”Anotherfingerjoinedthefirst,pumpinginandoutslowly,herbreathywhimperscaughtbynipsofhislips.“I
wanttoknowhowyoufeelfromeverysingleanglebytomorrowmorning.”

Maybe…sheshouldrevealherselfasthesecretadmirerinthemorning,then?
Breathsraspingtogether,heshovedherpantiesdownanotherinch,fingerspushingdeep,theirbodiesrattlingthedoorin
anattempttogetcloser.

Wow,theyreallyneededtogetinside
Herhousewassurroundedbytreesandhernearestneighborwasn’tcloseenoughtowitnesshergettingmauledonherporch,
butitwasn’tunusualforLaviniatodropbyforavisit.Also,themailmanhappeninguponthemwasaveryrealpossibility.

“Inside,”shesobbedwhenhisteethsunkintoherearlobe.
“Yes.”Hestoopeddowntopickupherkeys,shovingoneofthemintothelock,cursing.Pickinganotherone.Andthenfinally
theywerestumblingintothedarkofthecottage,thedogsgoingabsolutelynutsattheirheels,theirbarkshappyatfirst,
beforeturningsortofoutragedoverbeingignored.“Holdon,”Juliansaid,drawingbackandreachingintohispocket.He
tookoutaballed-upnapkinandunfoldedit,revealingpiecesofsteakhehadn’tfinishedatlunch.“Here,boys.”

Hallieblinkedashelaiddownthestripsofbeefonthefloor,replacedthenapkininhispocket,andcapturedherhandonceagain.“Didyouplanthatdoggybagdiversion?”
“Yes.Believeme,Iwantedtofinishthewholesteak.”Hisgazerakedoverherface.“ButIwantedadistractionmore.”
“Diabolical,”shewhispered.“Weshouldgetoutofherebeforetheyfinish.Wehaveaboutfourseconds.”
“Jesus.”
Julianstartedtodraghertowardthebedroom,butshetuggedhimtowardherbackyardinstead.Maybesinceshecouldn’tgive
himtotalhonesty—nottonight,notwheneverythingwassoutterlyperfect—shecouldgivehimthisintimacy.Herpersonalgarden.
Hermostprivate,intimateplace.Evenmoresothanthebedroom.Onthewayoutside,sheflippedthelightswitchandheld
herbreath.WatchinghisfacetransformwithawewhenhesteppedoutthroughthescreendoormadeHallie’spulsegohaywire.

“ThisiswhereIspendmostofmytime,”shesaid,tryingtoseethespacethroughhiseyes.Wonderingifitlookedasmagical
toJulianasitalwaysfelttoher.Orifheviewedthetoweringgreenery,jewel-tonedlights,andwildflowersasanunplanned
hodgepodge.

Hecircledtheyardwithnarrowedeyes,asthoughtakingthetimetomakeasoundjudgment.Halliehadapremonitionthat
shewouldrememberthismomentforalongtime,maybeforever.JulianVostouringherbackyardwithaseriousexpression,
professorialhandsclaspedbehindhisback,surroundedbyriotingbloomsandhangingvineswhileremovinghiscoat,thesunset
lovinghisbristlyjawandplayingoverthehill-and-shadowpatternsofhismuscles.

“Whatdoyoudooutherewithyourtime?”
Nowsheunderstood.Whenshe’dinformedhimthiswaswhereshespentmostofhertime,thatwireinhisbrainhadlitup.Theonethatdissectedminutesandhoursandyears,turnedthemintosomethingscientific.“Ihavemymealsouthere.Ireadandgardenandtalkonthephoneandplaywiththedogs.”Shethoughtofthewayhe’dbeenexposedatlunch,hisbehind-the-scenescareofherrevealed—andherlipsstartedtotingle.“Ithinkofyou.”
Hisstepsslowed.“Isthatso?”
Shegaveabriefhum.
Jawticking,hewentbacktosurveyingthebackyard,buthewasmovinginherdirectionnow.Withsuchbriskpurpose,she
couldn’tbreathe.Touchme.
“IfI’dknownyouwereinthisperfect,hiddengardenthinkingofme,Hallie,”hesaid,frowningathermouth.“I’mafraid
Iwouldhaverippedyourdooroffthehingestogettoyou.”

“Iwouldn’thaveminded.”
Admissions.Truth.Shewouldgivehimasmuchasshecouldtomakeupfortheonethingshewastooscaredtotellhim.Yet.Theywerefindingmiddleground.He’dtakenafewstepsintoherchaos,andshe’dstartedseriousplanningofthelibrary
job.Bookingmoreappointments,committing,doingherbesttoarriveontime.Anditfeltgood.Shecouldn’tscrewthisup
byrevealinghowabsolutelyharebrainedshe’dbeen.

Whatiftherevelationwashistippingpointandhewalkedaway?
Theylookedateachotherforsolong,theskydarkenedadegreewiththeonsetofevening,turningfrompinktoburntorange,thebourbonofhiseyesrichandsmoky.Shewastemptedtogivehimmoretruthbutcouldonlybringherselftoactontheimpulsewithherbody.Shecouldopenherselfupandbevulnerableinthisway—and,God,shewantedto.Neededto.Didn’twanttoholdbackasinglethingfromthisman.
That’showshefoundherselfsteppingforward,kissingtheundersideofhischin,herfingersworkingtounbucklehisbelt.
Immediately,hestartedtobreathehard,hisnostrilsflaring,butheneverstoppedlookingherintheeye.Notuntilshe
easedthezipperdownpasthisthickenedshaftandreachedintohispants,strokingthefulllengthofhimthroughtheopening.
Thenhislidslockeddownlikeshutters,squeezingtight.“Hallie,”hechoked.“Whatareyou…ohChrist.Ohshit.”

Shewasn’tsurewhatledhertokneel.Toguidehimtohermouthandtakehiminsidesoeagerly.Maybebecauseshe’dfantasized
aboutthiscountlesstimes,although,inherfantasies,theywereusuallyinoneofhislecturehallsatStanford—afactwhich
she’dtaketothegrave.Ormaybeshejustwantedtodogoodwithamouththatwasholdingontoalie.Sheclosedhereyes
andworshipedthesmoothsteelofhim,herhandgrowingmoreandmoreconfidentinitsnewfoundskillasitpumpedtopto
bottom,increasingthehardswellofhimwitheveryfistedstroke.

“Can’t…”heheaved,fingerstanglinginhercurls.“Can’tbeyourfirsttimesucking…?”Moaningaroundhim,she
nodded,andhisbreathcaught,followedbythetasteofwarmsaltinhermouth.“FuckIshouldn’thaveasked.Ishouldn’thave—I’mgoingtofinish.Stop.Youhavetostop.”

Oh,right.Likethatwasgoingtohappen.Didhehaveanyideawhatitwasliketowatchthestraitlacedprofessorofherdreamslosethegriponhisself-control,toknowshewasthecause?Atsomepoint,hemusthaveplowedahandthroughhisusuallyperfecthair,becauseitstoodonendinplaces.Hisjawwasclampeddown,throatflexed,andthefleshinhermouthwaspainfullyerect.Sherememberedhimlikethislastnight.Attheend.Howhe’dbeenathisstiffestrightbeforethefall,andshecherishedthisknowledgeabouthimnow.Histelltalesigns.Hisweakness—herI’mhisweakness.Therewassomuchstrengthandpowerinthatknowledgethatherconfidencetickedupanothernotch,andshepoppedhimout
ofhermouth.Whilemaintainingherholdonhiserection,shefoundhisballswithherlipsandblewagentleraspberryonto
oneofthem,beforedrawingitintohermouthonagroan.

“No,no,no,no.Hallie.Getup.Nomoreofthat.Goddamn,sweetheart.”Hisfingerstwistedinherhairinvoluntarily,aviolent
shudderpassingthroughhispowerfulbody.“Wait.Don’tstopstroking,”heheavedthickly.“Hard.Whileyou’resuckingthemshit”

Usinghisholdonhercurls,Julianhauledherfaceaway,andasshegulpeddownoxygen,shesavoredthesightinfrontof
her.Theshineshe’dleftbehindonhisarousedflesh,thehairshe’dneverseenonhisupperthighsandlowonhismuscular
belly.Allofhim.Allofhimwassostartlinglyrawandbeautiful.Butthenhewasdroppingtohiskneesandslammingtheir
mouthstogether,anglingherheadtotherightandinvadinghermouthwithananimalsound.

LustinundatedHallie,burningandwild,andshekissedhimback,distantlyawareofJuliansearchingforsomethinginhis
wallet.Protection.Puttingitoninahurrywhiletheyrakedeverycornerofeachother’smouthwithlongstrokes,hipspressing,
grinding.

Hemusthavefinishedapplyingthecondom—thankGod,thankGod—becausehegrippedherjawandtiltedherfaceuptomeethisscrutiny.“Howlonghaveyoubeenwantingtofuckmewiththisprettymouth?”
“Alongtime,”sheadmittedhaltingly,barelyrecognizingherownvoice.
Shecouldseehewantedtoquestionthattoo-revealingpieceoftruthfurther—andmaybehewouldlater—butrightnow,the
urgencywassogreat.Thefireonhigh.“Aslongaswe’reworkingfantasiesoutofoursystem,howaboutyouturnaroundand
burythosekneesinthedirt?”

Lord.OhLord.“Yes.”

Assoonasthewordslippedoutofhermouth,thenextmovewastakenoutofherhands.Julianturnedheraroundandused
hisbigbodytopressherforward.“Slidethemaround,”hepantedinherear.“Getthemfilthy.”

Hallie’seyesnearlycrossed,herheartbeatingsofastandfurious,shecouldfeelitinherthroat.Neverinherlifehad
shefeltassexyasshedidwhiletwistingherkneesdownintothegardensoil,Julian’smouthrakingupanddownherneck,
encouragingherwithgroans,hishandsworkingthedressupherthighs.

“Areyoureadytoshowmethisbody,Hallie?”Hisvoicewasascrapeofflint.“Allofit?”
Knowingshewouldn’tbeabletospeakaboveawheeze,shenoddedvigorously
“No,Ineedthewords.”Hepalmedherbacksidethroughthedress,hishanddraggingupherspinetotangleinherhair,drawing
herheadbackinawaythatmadeherfeelutterlyandwelcominglypossessed.“Ineedyoutosay,Julian,getmenaked.Lookateveryhotinchofme.”

Thegroundspuninfrontofherface,herinnerthighmusclesturningtotheconsistencyofmicrowavedbutter,theslowslicking
ofliquidheatmakingituncomfortabletobewearingunderwearatall.Justsayit.Sayit.“Julian,getmenaked.Lookateveryhotinchofme.”

“That’smygirl,”hepraised,jerkingthepantiesdowntoherknees,thenoff.Tossedaway.Bentforwardonhandsandknees,
shebattledtobreathethroughtheroughloweringofherdresszipper,thesoftmaterialbeingstrippeddownherbody,over
herrightarm,thenleft,theentirethingsentinthedirectionofherpanties.OhGod.OhGod.Nothingbutabraleft.Anddiditevenmatteratthispoint?Shewasbentover,kneescoveredindirt,wearingnothingbut
moonlight,andnothing,notasinglething,waslefttohisimagination.“Jesus,Hallie.”Inonedeftmovement,heshucked
herbraanddroppedhisclothedchestdownontoherbareback,hishandsslidingupherribcagetotakefirmholdofher
breasts.“Youhavenoideahowgorgeousyouare,doyou?I’mstallingrightnow.I’mstalling,becauseIknowassoonasI
putitin,I’mgoingtocome,you’resofuckingbeautiful.Ican’tdealwithhowtightyouareontopofeverythingelse.God,thisass.”Thelastpartwassaidthroughhisteeth,followedbyashakyexhaleinherear.“You’regoingtogetsocomfortablewith
melookingandtouchingandtastingeverypartofyournakedbodythatyou’lllearntobendoverwithyourbuttintheair,
justlikethis,andaskmetoeatitwhole.”

Withthat,hethrustintoherfrombehind,andshescreamedbehindherteethattheperfectionofit.Howhefilledandstretchedher,howtheblastofsensationchasedawaythelingeringsorenessfromherfirsttime.Andthentherewasnothingsavethewayhegroanedinherear,thrustingintoherslowly,slowlyatfirst,thenwithmoreandmoreforce,theexpensivematerialofhisshirtraspingupanddownherback.
“Youlikethat?”
“Yes.”

Hecollectedherhipsinabruisinggrip,straightenedinhiskneelingposition,andseemedtoindulgehimselfforseveral
sweatymoments,poundingintoherquickly,hardenoughthattheheelsofherhandsslidforwardinthegrass,herkneesburrowing
deeperintotheearth.Shecouldfeelthewillpowerittookforhimtoslowdown.Thewayhebitoffafrustratedsoundand
dughisfingertipsintoherwaist,easinghisthrustsintodeepgrindsthatmadelightstwinkleinfrontofhereyes,her
intimatemusclesseizingaroundhimlikeanomen.Welcominghim,wettereachtime,athrobescalatinginthedeeprecesses
ofherwomanhood.

Histonguelickedupherspine,hisfingersdroppingdownbetweenherlegs,pressingandrubbingrightwheresheneededit.
Andshewantedtotellhimfaster,faster,buthervocalcordsseemedtohavebeenrendereduseless,soshereachedforhis
handinsteadandmoveditintherightrhythm.Hehummedintohisnextlickofherbackandkeptthepaceshe’daskedfor,
andhisgratefulacceptanceofherexpressedneedsturnedheronmorethananything.Somuchthatshecouldn’tstemthecompulsion
torewardhimwithpulsingconstrictionsofherinnerwalls,oneaftertheother,untilhegaveastrangledyellanddrove
deeper,faster,withroughsmacksofhislapagainstherbackside.

“Lookatthatfuckingshake,”hegrowledthroughhisteeth.“God,Iloveit.”
Whateverself-consciousnessofherbodyorherflawsthatremainedhadalreadyfled,andnowbeautyandexhilarationandboldnessbloomedwhereithadoncebeen.“Iwanttoseeyoushirtless,”shepanted,positivehewasn’tgoingtohearher,buttheconfessionblewoutofhernonetheless.Wherehadthatcomefrom?Shesoundedalmostirritated.
“What’sthat,Hallie?”hesaidintoherneck,neverceasingtheroughforwardmomentumofhiships.“Shirtless?”
Whyareyoulikethis?“Youj-joggedthroughtownshirtlesstoday.Infrontofpeople.AndI…Imean,Ihaven’tevenseenyouthatwayand…”

Heslowedtoastop,andwithouthismovementsinsideofher,shecouldmarveloverhowtrulylargeandhardhewas.Howmuch
spaceheoccupied.“Areyou…”Helaboredtobreathe.“You’renotjealous.”

“IthinkI’malittlejealous,”shemutteredhaltingly.
Aheavybeatpassed,fullwiththesoundofcricketsandmountainbreezeandshort,punctuatedbreaths.Then,withapained
grunt,hepulledoutofHallieandgentlyrolledheroverontoherback…whereshehadafront-rowseattohisdisbelief.
Buthedidn’tquestionher.Hedidn’ttellhershewasnutsordebatehowsheshouldbefeeling.Instead,hejustfoundher
mouthwithhisown,windingtheirtonguestogetherwhileunbuttoninghisdressshirt.Hetuggeditoffhastily,rippingthe
remainingbuttonsfree,sendingthemarcingintothegrass.Shekissedhimwithherglazedeyesopen,watchingallofit,
seeinghowtightlyheclosedhisownwhiledevastatingherwiththeskilledjourneyofhistongue,deepandsmooth.

Thenhewasshirtless,loomingaboveherinthemoonlightwithaheavingchest.Andwow,ohwow.She’dexpectedtheleanlines
ofarunner’sbody,andtherewasdefinitionwhereshethoughttofindit,butinbetween,theroundnessofmuscleandmanandfleshwasincredible.Human.Hisnaturalbodytypewasnotthatofarunner.No,thehuskiness,thethicknessshonethroughregardlessofhisstrictregimen.Itwasthereinthefullnessofhisstomachandthemeatybreadthofhisshoulders.Ifhestoppedrunning,heprobablywouldn’tfitintohissuitsbeforelong,andwhythatshouldturnheronsomuch,shehadnoidea.
“Christ,Hallie.Thewayyou’relookingatme…”Heshookhisheadslowly,laughterstrained.“Justcomeandgetit,already,
yougorgeouswoman.”

Assherosetoherkneesandwentforward,straddlinghislap,shecouldn’trememberasingletimeshe’dbeenanythingbut
this—desiredandcherishedandlockedinswellingheatwiththisman.Withherbuttcheeksclutchedinhishands,heguided
herdownontohisshaft,hiseyesturningglassyasshewent,jawfallingopenonamoan.Shefeltherpowerandflexedit,
holdingontohisbareshouldersandrollingherhips.Ontheveryfirstone,hisheadfellback,teethdiggingintohisbottom
lip,hislefthandfumblingtobecomeananchorinthedirt,hisrightthumbfindingthebudatthejunctureofherthighs,
movinginthatfast,firmrhythmshe’dshownhim,andyes,yes,she’dberewardinghimforpayingattention.

“Ohshit.OhJesus.Don’tstop,”hegrittedout,strummingher,liftinghishipstomeettheincreasinglyfranticbucksof
hers.Theirmouthscollidedinfast,wetkisses,andinbetween,hescrutinizedhermovements,herbody,withagazethat
couldhavemeltedsteel.“Hallie,I’vegotaboutthirtysecondsofwatchingyourtitsbouncewhileyougrindthattightthing
downonmycock,allright?Please,sweetheart.Comeonmyfuckinglap.Christ,comeon.”

Hedidn’thavetoencourageher,itwasalreadyhappening,butthewayhelookedather,thewayhespoketoherinthatdesperaterasp,propelledherclosertotheedge.“More,”shesaidthroughnumblips.Andwithoutherelaborating,histhumbpressedtighttoherclitandrubbeddeeply,deeplyenoughthatshewailedhisname,thedamfinallyburstinginsideofher.
Halliewrappedherselfaroundhimasthetumultwashedoverher,nerveendingssnappinglikebluefire,theterrible,wonderful
pullingandreleasingofhercore,sointenseitwasalmosttoomuchtostand,buttherush…God,therushonthetail
endofitwasblisteringandbeautifulandleftherawestruck.LeftherclingingtoJulian’sbuckingbody,beforehewent
verystillbeneathher.Thenhebarkedacurseandstartedtoshudder,overandoveragain.Bothofhishandswereonher
backsidenow,yankingherupandbackindisjointedpullsandpushes,withasharp,involuntaryslapofhispalmthatshe
likedverymuch,thankyou.

Andthentheybothtumbledsidewaysintothegrass,strugglingforair,thesunsethavingfadedtosereneblueabovethem.
Drowsyeyesmetthroughthetallbladesofgreen,andtheysmiled,tanglingtheirfingerstogetherbetweenthem,gravitating
closer,closeruntiltheirnakedbodieswerepressedtightlyagainsteachother.

Itwouldhavebeenperfectifitweren’tfortheoneblackspotofdeceptionthatgrewinkieranddenserbetweenthemasher
skincooled.

ButHalliewastheonlyonewhocouldseeit.Andnowthatshe’dallowedevenmoretimetoelapsewiththesecretbetween
them,shestartedtogetscared.Whatifhestoppedlookingatherlikeagoddess…andmorelikeagirlwhowroteintoxicated
lovelettersinthebackofanUber?

Maybetheyjustneededalittlemoretimetoestablishtheirrelationship,toproveitcouldlastbeforeshethrewanewtestintoitspath?
Yes.Thathadtobeforthebest,didn’tit?
She’dtakebacktheconfessionletterandtellhimlater,oncetheyweremoresolid.
Howeverlongittooktogainthecourage,shewouldtellhim.

Laterthatnight,whentheywereasleepinherbed,Julian’sarmcurledaroundherwaist,shecarefullyslippedfreeofhis
embrace,leftapileoftreatsforthedogs,andslippedoutintothenight.
ChapterTwenty-Two
Julianwokeupinstages,whichwasunusualforhim.
Normally,hisalarmsoundedandhewentfromadeadsleeptofullyawake,alreadyontheclock,mentallypreparedtodiginto
hisschedule.Forthelastcoupleofweeks,he’dwokenupprayinghecouldadheretosomesemblanceofstructure,thoughhe’dstartedtofindithopelessthesepastfewdays.Now,inHallie’sbed,heregainedconsciousness
totallydevoidofanymotivationtodoanythingbutliethereinherwarmth,inthisroomthatsmelledlikeflowersanddetergent
anddogsandsex.Because,yes,he’dgottenpainfullyhardwatchinghergothroughhernighttimeroutineofputtingonlotions
andshort,silkypajamasandblowingkissestothedogs.Themattresshadcreakedforanotherhalfhourbeforetheyfellinto
anexhaustedspooningposition,heramazingbutttuckedintohislaplikeitwasmadeforhim.

ThankChristhe’dpulledhisheadoutofhisassbeforedoingsomethingstupid,likegoingbacktoStanfordandleavingHallie
behindinSt.Helena.

Helovedteaching.Alot.Hewouldlookintosporadicguestspeakingengagements,and,truthbetold,hewasevenmoreeagertolectureaboutthemeaningoftimenowthathehadanewperspective.Before,he’dbeenconcernedwithpassingoninformation.Facts.Nowhewonderedifhemightmakeadifferenceinthelivesofthestudentswhocametolistentohim.Maybehecouldpreventthemfrommakingthesamemistakesashim,takingforgrantedthattheimportantthingsinhislifewouldstillbetherewhenhewasready.Moretimewouldneveryielditselfunlesshemadeit.
Itdidn’tevenrequireasmucheffortashethoughttopicturehimselfhere,inSt.Helena,usinghistimetomakehismother’s
dayseasier.Hisfathermightnotbehappyaboutit,butDaltonwasn’there.Julianwaspreparedtoembracethesenseofownership
ofthelandthatborehisname.

Hissister’sfutureremainedtobeseen,buthecouldhelpthere,too,whenshewasreadytoaskforit.
ThentherewasHallie.
Hisheartwokeupinhischest,firingsosuddenly,hesuckedinabreath.
Automatically,hishandsmoothedacrosstohersideofthebed,hopingforcurls.Orskin.Thatsmoothskinofhersthatmade
himfeellikesandpaper,roughingupandreddeningher,leavingimprintsoffingertipsandteethbehind.He’dcataloguethe
damagerightnow.Kisseverymarkhe’dleftbehind…

Hiseyesopened,headturning.
NoHallieatall.Noblondcurlsonherbig,fluffyyellowpillow.
Wherewasshe?
Hesatupandlistened,heardnothingexceptthedogssnoringinvariousplacesaroundthebedroom.Toddhadtakenedge-of-the-bedhonorswhiletheothertwoweresprawledonthedogbedsinthecorner.Otherthanthat,therewasnoaudiblemovementinthecottage.Nolightson,either.Thoughmaybeshe’dgoneintotheensuitebathroomandleftthelightoffsoshewouldn’twakehimup?
“Hallie,”Juliancalled,annoyedbythefingerofcoldthattracedupthebackofhisneck.Therewasnoreasontobeworried
oralarmed.It’snotlikeshe’ddisappearedintothinair.

Still,whentherewasnoresponsefromtheothersideofthebathroomdoor,hethrewoffthecovers,hisfeetalreadycarrying
himacrosstheangledarearug.Hecheckedinthebathroomjusttobesure,thenleftthebedroomwithaddedpurposeinhis
step.Kitchenorbackyard.She’dbeinoneofthosetwoplaces.Theydidn’tdiscusshersleepinghabits,butdidn’titstand
toreasonthatHallie’sshouldbeirregular?

Afondsmilecurvedhismouth.
Hadheroff-the-wall,unscheduledlifestylereallyannoyedhimbefore?Becausenowthechallengeofpinningherdownexcited
theshitoutofhim.Likehe’dsaidyesterdayafternoon,shecouldshowuplateaslongasshekeptshowingup.Period.Right
aboutnow,helikedtheideaofcarryingHallietobedandshowinghertherewasnosetscheduleintermsofwhenheneeded
her.Itwasallthetime.Everyminuteofeveryday..
Wherethehellwasshe,though?
Thelivingroomsateerilysilent,theother,smallerbathroomempty.Nooneinthekitchen.Nosignofanyonehavingpassed
throughtogetadrinkofwaterorfixasnack.Andthelightswereoffinthebackyard.Hewenttocheck,anyway,opening
theglassdoubledoorsanddoingaturnaroundtheunoccupiedgarden.

“Hallie.”

She’dgoneout.At…
Heturnedonalighttocheckhiswatch,beforerememberingitwasonthenightstand.Glancingbackoverhisshouldertowardthekitchen,hespiedthetimeonthemicrowave.
2:40a.m.
She’dleftthehouseat2:40a.m.Therewasnoreasonableexplanationforthat.NotevenforHallie.Peopledidn’tgoforwalksinthemiddleofthenight,
andifshedid,shewouldhavetakenthedogs,right?Nothingintownwasopen.Noteventhebars.Shehadafriend…
Lavinia?Buthehadnophonenumberforher,andanyway,regardlessofwhereshe’dgoneorwithwhom,whywouldn’tshewake
himup?Whatthefuckwasgoingon?

Shecouldn’thavebeen…takenagainstherwillsomewhere,right?
Theideaofthatwasludicrous.
Wassheasleepwalkerandfailedtotellhim?
Whatwasthatsound?
Helistenedforseverallongsecondsbeforerealizingitwashisownwheezing.
FuckFuck.Okay,takeabreath.
Buthecouldn’t.Andinsomeweird,paralleluniverse,hecouldhearsirensandsmellthecloyingscentofsmoke.Therewas
nofire.Noonewasindanger.Buthecouldn’tconvincehimselfofthat.BecauseHalliecouldbesomewhereoutontheroad
inherpajamasortrappedsomewhere.Wasshetrapped?

Nowthedogshadgottenuptofollowhimaroundthehouse,theirtailswagging,headsbuttingupagainsthisknees.Whendid
hispulsestartricochetingaroundtheinsideofhisskull?Hecouldhearthepumpingofbloodinhisveinsliketherewas
amicrophoneinsideofhischest.Thekitchen,whichhecouldn’tevenrememberentering,wassmallersuddenly,andhecouldn’t
rememberthewaybacktothebedroom.

“Hallie,”hecalled,alotmoresharplythistime—andthedogsstartedtobark.

Goddammit,hedidn’tfeelgood.Theclosingofhisthroatandblurringoftheimmediatearea,thestiffnessinhisfingers—he
remembereditwell.Toowell.He’dspentfouryearstryingtoavoidthishappeningagain,thishelplessnessrunningintohim
likeacruiselinersplinteringarowboat.Andbeforethat,beforethefire,he’dworkedhiswholelifearoundnotending
uphere.Sohewouldn’t.Hewouldn’t.

“It’sfine,”hetoldthedogs,buthisvoicesoundedunnatural,hisgaitstiffashemovedthroughthedarklivingroomto
thefrontdoor,throwingitopen,onlyvaguelyawarethatheworenothingbutbriefs.TheblastofcoldnightaironJulian’s
skinalertedhimtothefactthathewassweating.Alot.Itpoureddownhischestandthesidesofhisface.

Panicattack.Acknowledgewhatitis.
HecouldhearDr.Patel’svoicedriftingforwardfromthepast.Fromthosesessionsahundredyearsago,whenthey’dworked
onemergencycopingstrategies.

Nametheobjectsaroundyou.
Couch,pictureframe,dogs.Howlingdogs.
Thenwhat?
Hecouldn’trememberwhatthehellwassupposedtocomenext,becauseHalliewasmissing.Thiswasn’tadream,itwastoo
vivid.Nauseadidn’tcomeinsleeplikethis.Nordidhisjawlockup,hishandsuselessandfumblingashetriedtogetoutside
togofindher.

“Hallie,”heshouted,walkingstiff-leggeddownthepathtowardthestreet,searchingrightandleftforherfigureinthedarkness.Notruck.Itwasn’tparkedinthedriveway.Whydidn’thethinktolookforthat?Whyhadn’thetriedcallingher?Hisbrainwasn’tfunctioningthewayitwassupposedto,andthatscaredtheshitoutofhim.“Dammit,”hehuffed,rubbingattheconcretepouringdownhisthroat.“Dammit…”
Heneededtogetbackintothehousetotrycallingher.
Focus.Focus.
ThesoundoftiresongravelstoppedJulianshort,justbeforehewalkedintothecottage.Hespunaroundquickly,tooquickly,
tofindHallierunningacrossthelawn,whiteasaghost.Reliefalmostknockedhimoutcold,hishandgrippingthedoorframe
tokeephimonhisfeet.She’sokay,she’sokay,she’sokay.
Butshewasn’t?Notreally.
Hermouthwasmoving,butnosoundwascomingout.
Hedidn’tlikethat,didn’tlikeseeingherupset,andheneededtofindoutwherethehellshe’dbeen.Ifshe’dgoneout
inthemiddleofthenight,somethinghadtobeverywrong.

“Isthereafire?”heslurred.
“What?No.”Shestumbledback,handsonhercheeks.“OhGod.”
“You’reshaking,”heforcedout,jawrefusingtoloosen.
“I’mokay,I’mokay.”Despiteherassurances,shestartedtosob,andthesounddugintohisgutlikeashovel.“Let’sget
youintothehouse.Everythingisfine,Ipromise.”

You’vealwaysbeenafuckingheadcase.
Thefinalblowlandedintheformofhumiliation.Hislegsweren’tworkingcorrectlyandhesoundedlikeanidiotandhewasscaringher.ScaringHallie.Thatfactscoredhisinsideslikearazorblade.Ontopoftheunsteadyfeelinginhislimbsanddulledcognizance,hewasalreadyanticipatingthenumbnessthatwouldfollow.Hewouldn’tbeabletocomfortherthen.Wouldn’tbeabletodoanything.Hecouldn’tletHallieseehimlikethat.Thewayhisfatherhadwitnessedhiminthebackbedroomofthemainhouse.WhenJuliancouldn’tmentallysurfaceenoughtohelp.Toact.Tobeausefulmemberofthefamilyinthemosttryingoftimes.
Stayawayfromthevineyard.
InherefforttogetJulianbackonhisfeet,thecornerofsomethingwhitepeekedoutofthepocketofHallie’swindbreaker.
Hestaredatitthroughtheblur,throughtheblazing-hotmortification,notsurewhyitwastriggeringsomethinginhismemory.
Somethingaboutthecolorandshapewasfamiliar.Ifhewasn’tsodisoriented,hemighthaveaskedtoseetheobjectinher
pocket,butinthisstate,wherenothingseemednormalortypical,hereachedforitwithoutaskinganddrewitout.

Andstareddownata…letterfromhissecretadmirer?
WhatwasHalliedoingwithit?
“Where…”Heshookhisheadhard,tryingtoclearthedebris.“Isthiswhereyouwent?Togogetthisletter?Why?”
NowHallie’sbreathingmatchedhisown.Scatteredandwheezingandnotmakingsense,astheywerebothsittingdownonthe
stepsofherporch,thoughhecouldn’trememberwhenthey’dtakenaseat.“I’msorry,”shesaid,hiccupping.“I’msosorry.”

Thetruthhithimlikethesprayfromanice-coldhose.
Halliehadleftinthemiddleofthenighttogetthisletter.
Whichmeantshe’dknownitwasthere…anddidn’twanthimtofindit.
Didn’twanthimtoreadthecontents.Becauseshealreadyknewwhattheywere?
Withaswallowstuckinhisthroat,Juliantoreopentheenvelopeandreadtheletter,hisconcentrationreturningtohiminthatmoment,likethebluntswingofabat.Itwashardtodecideinthatmomenthowhefelt
“Ipicturedyouastheadmirerthewholetime,”hesaid,soundingfoggy,wordsrunningtogether.“Shouldhavelistenedto
mygut,Iguess…”

Hallierearedback,stricken.Hetriedtoreachoutandstrokeherface,buthisarmwouldn’tlift.Washeangry?No.Not
exactly.Hereallydidn’tknowhowtobeangrywiththiswoman.Wasithumanlypossibletobeanythingbutgratefulthatshe’d
returnedhisfeelingssostronglythatshe’dwrittenletterstohim?Gratefulthatshe’dfoundawaytoreachhimwhenhe’d
hadhisheaduphisass?

No,despitethefactthatshe’dlied,he’dhonestlybeafooltobemadaboutthis.Theirconnection,howeveritcameabout,
wasagift.Butnow,theresidualfearhe’dwokenupwith—fearthatshewashurtorindanger—threatenedtochokehim.

Julianlurchedtohisfeetandenteredthehouse,deadsetongettingoutofthereimmediately.Ithadhappenedagain.Right
infrontofher.He’djustshownthewomanhelovedhisgreatestweakness.Onethathe’ddoneeverythinginhispowertohide,
todealwith,toovercome.Andifhehadtolookathersympathyforanothersecond,hewasgoingtodie.

“Julian,canyoupleasestopwalkingawayfromme?Saysomething,please?”Shewaspanicking,crying,shreddingtheletter
inherhands,andtherewasnothinghecoulddoaboutit.Comforther?Hewasn’tcapable.Notinthisstate—andnotwhenhe
alreadyknewwhatwascomingnext.Atleastshewassafe.ThankGodshewassafe.“I’msorry.Ithoughtyouwouldfinditearliertoday.Theletter.Iwantedyoutoknoweverything,butthen…Please,everythingwasjustsoperfect,soperfectthatIcouldn’tmessitup.”
No,he’dbeentheonetodothat.
Thesweatwasstillclingingtohisskinlikeanaccusation.
Hisstomachburned.Hecouldn’tevenlookherintheeye.Itonlyaddedtothehumiliationthathecouldn’tgethisvoice
towork.

Onlegshecouldn’tevenfeel,hewentbacktothebedroomanddressed,shovinghiswatch,hisphone,hiskeysintohispockets.
“No,Julian.No.Whereareyougoing?”
Allhecoulddowaswalkpastheroutofthehouse,awayfromwhathadjusthappened.Justlikehe’ddonefouryearsago.
Butthistime—andhecouldfeelthisinthemarrowofhisbones—thepricewasmuchhigher.
ChapterTwenty-Three
HalliewalkeddownoneoftheresidentialblocksadjacenttoGrapevineWay,hopingonceagaintoavoidseeing…well,
anyonereally.EvenLaviniaandLorna.Talkingandsmilinglikeanormalpersononlymadeherfeelfraudulentandexhausted.

TwoweekshadpassedsinceshecamehomeandfoundJulianinherfrontyardlookinglikedeath.Howlongwasshegoingto
bedazedandsicktoherstomach?

Whenwouldtheholeinherchestsutureitselfclosed?
Shewasbeginningtothinktheanswerwas…indefinitely.Recoveringfromtheconsequencesofbeingrecklessandirresponsible
didn’tseemlikeanoption.She’dbelivingwiththereverberationsofthatnightforalongtime.Maybeforever.Atleast
aslongasshe’dbelivingwiththisbrokenheart.

IfshecouldgobackintimeandjustbehonestwithJulian,insteadofsneakingoffinthemiddleofthenightlikeamoron,shewouldjumpinsidethetimemachineandbuckleup.Becausehemighthavewantednothingtodowithheraftersherevealedthetruthabouttheletters,butatleastshecouldhavesparedhimthefearandanxietythathadembodiedhim,sealedhimupinavacuumpackwhereshecouldn’treachhimforlong,agonizingminutes.Thefactthatshe’dbeenresponsibleforthat…likehe’dfearedshe’dbeallalong?Itwasunbearable.
ThetendonsinHallie’schestandthroatknittogetherandpulled.Herbodyhadbeenmaneuveringinallsortsofnew,torturous
waysforthelasttwoweeks.Foodmadeherqueasy,butsheforcedherselftoeat,anyway,becausetheemptinessinsideof
herwasalreadywinningandshecouldn’tgiveitanothervictorybywithholdingsustenance.Alldaylong,shewalkedaround
feelingsick,herskinhotandcoldatthesametime.Shewastooembarrassedandguiltyandregretfultofaceherownreflection
inthemirror.

Andshetotallydeservedthis.
Heractionshadcaughtupwithherinanirreversibleway.Julianhadbeenrighttodriveawayandneverlookback.She’d
calledhimthreetimessincethatnighttoapologizeagain,buthe’dneveransweredthephone.Notonce.Threedayslater,
she’dgonetotheguesthouseandknockedonthedoor.Noresponse.She’dplantedtheflowersshe’dbroughtinthebackof
hertruckandgone.Therewasachancehe’dgoneintothatsamenumbstatehe’dtoldherabout.Theonehe’dlandedinafter
thefire,thelowthatfollowedhispanicattack.

But,God,didn’tthatexplanationmakeeverythingworse?
Afteraweekpassedwithnoreturnedcalls,she’dwokenupwithgrimacceptance.Julianwouldn’tbecalling.Orshowingup
athercottage.He’ddealtwithhermessydisorganizedlifestyle,herdoggycircus,acitizen’sarrest,andchocolate-fueled
toddlersinawinetent,butthislieanditsconsequenceswereinsurmountable.She’dlosthim.

She’dtrulylostthemansheloved.Notjustloved,butadmiredandcaredaboutandneeded.Sheneededhim.Notforself-worthorsuccess.Justbecause,whentheyweretogether,theairfeltclear.Herheartbeatdifferently.Someonesawher,shesawtheminreturn,andtheybothsaid,yes,despitetheflawsinthisplan,let’sexecuteit.Becauseshewasworthittohim.
Rightupuntilshewasn’t.
HalliereachedtheendoftheblockandhesitatedbeforeturningdownGrapevineWay.Shehadnochoicebuttobuymilk.After
acupofblackcoffeethismorningandcerealmixedwithwater,she’dforcedherselfintorealclothingandoutthedoor.

Pleasedon’tletmerunintoanyone.
Laviniahadhoundedherforafewdays,thenallowedhertosufferinpeace,leavingtheoccasionalboxofdonutsandwine
onherdoorstep.HalliewasgratefultoherfriendfornotincludinganotethatsaidItoldyouso,whichwouldhavebeenwellwithinherrights.She’dcanceledherjobsforafewdaysbeforeresumingthem.Butshecouldn’t
bringherselftogotothelibrary.She’ddrivenbyonce,intendingtocultivatethesoilandprepareitforplanting,but
shecouldn’tgetoutofthetruck.

WhoamItotakeonajobthissize?
Didshereallythinkshecouldlandscapeatownlandmark?Thewomanwho’dbeenstupidlyimpressedbyhercolor-codingsystem
ofpink,lightpink,andlightestpink?Becausenowshejustwantedtolaugh.Iamsuchafraud.LookatthedestructionIcause.
Withapermanentknotinherthroat,Hallieputherheaddownandbarreledintothesmallconveniencestore,hurtlingherselftowardtherefrigeratedaisle.Shewasbeingridiculous,ofcourse.Theworldwasn’tgoingtoendifsheranintosomeonesheknew.She’dgonethroughmonthsofgrievingforhergrandmother,sosheknewitwaspossibletoactnormalunderbadcircumstances.Thereasonshedidn’twanttoseeorinteractwithanyonethistimehadmoretodowithself-loathing.
Ican’tbelieveyoudidthat.
Ican’tbelieveyouhurthimthatway.
Hallieopenedtheglassdoorandtookoutahalfgallonofmilk,closingitagainwithaschnickShemovebackuptheaisleasquicklyasshe’dcome,doublingbackoncetosnaganunplannedjarofpeanutbutter—butshe
stoppedonadimeabouttenfeetfromtheself-checkoutregister.Really?Really?Sheshouldhavedriventothenexttownovertobuymilkandimpromptupeanutbutter.Whydidthistownhavetobesosmall?

Notonebuttwopeoplethatsheknewwereinsidethisshop.Ateighto’clockinthemorningonaThursday,noless.Whatwere
thechances?

Nataliewasleaningherhipagainstashelfontheothersideofthestore,frowningdownattheingredientsonthebackof
acrackerbox.DespitelikingJulian’ssistersomuch,thewomanwasliterallyoneoftheverylastpeopleHalliewantedto
see.Notafterwhatshe’ddonetoJulian,dredginguptraumaticmemoriesfrom
“Hallie!”Owensaidbrightly,straighteningsoquickly,healmostknockedoverthecardboardcandydisplay.Hesteadieditwithasheepisheyerollbeforecominginherdirection.Stoppingafewfeetawayandrakinghispalmsupanddownthesidesofhisjeans.Grass-stainedonesheobviouslyusedforgardening.Overhisshoulder,Natalieturnedherheadandsurveyedthetwoofthemsharply,herexpressionunreadable.
Dropthemilkandrun.
That’swhatHalliewantedtodo,butshedidn’tdeservetoavoidthisawkwardsituation.She’dmadeherbedandnowshehad
tolieinit.

“Wow,musthavebeenahellofacold,”Owenchuckled,beforecatchinghimself.“Dammit,I…Ididn’tmeanthathowit
sounded.Youalwayslookbeautiful.Icanjusttellyou’vebeensick,youknow?Beenthroughafewsleeplessnights.Nooffense.”

BehindOwen,Nataliewaslisteningintently.
Godsaveme.
“Nooffensetaken.”Sheforcedasmileandsidledtowardtheregister.“I’msorry,Ihavetogethomeandwalkthedogs—”
“Hey,Iwasthinking.”Owenmovedwithher.“Whydon’tyoutakeanotherfewdaystorecover,thencomewithmetothehome
andgardenshowinSacramentothisweekend?IfiguredwecouldgetanearlystartonSaturdayandmakeadayoutofit.”

Nataliecrossedherarmsandgotmorecomfortableinherleanagainsttheshelves,asiftosay,Oh,I’mstayingforthewhole-assshownow.Halliegulped.Andshecouldn’thelpbutsearchJulian’ssister’sfaceforsomesignastohowJulianwasdoing.Washe
totallyrecoveredfromhisflashback?Washewritingagain?Angry?HadhemaybeevengonebacktoStanford?

Thatlastpossibilityhadheatburningthebacksofhereyes.
OhGod,shewasn’treadytobeintown.Sheshouldhavestayedhome.
Cerealwithwaterwasfine.Morethanshedeserved.
“Um,Owen…Idon’tthinkIcanmakeit.”
Hedrewback,hissmiletighteninginawayshehadn’tseenbefore.“I’vegivenyoualotofspace,Hallie.Eitherputmeoutofmymiseryor…try.”Thetipsofhisearswereturningredasatomato.“I’mjustaskingyoutotryandseeifwecouldbesomething.Ifwecouldwork.”
“Iknow.Iknowthat.”
Halliewassweatingunderthefluorescentlights,blackcoffeeburninglapsaroundherstomach.Natalie,armsstillcrossed,
wastappingafingeragainstheroppositeelbow,shadowsinhereyes.HowmanypeoplehadHallieaffectedwithherimpulsiveness?
First,hergrandmotherhadrearrangedherprioritiestohelpmanageHallie’s.Laviniahadbeendraggedalongintohernonsense,
althoughshedidseemtoenjoythemayhemonoccasion,evenifshedisapproved.Hallie’sclientswerealwaysexasperatedwithherlackof
reliability.She’dsomehowmanagedtoconvinceJulianshewasworthallofthetroubleshecaused,butshe’dblowneventhat.
Losthim.Lostthemanwhomadeherhearttickcorrectly.

Andnowshestood,staringbackatOwen.Hereshewas,onceagainpresentedwiththeconsequencesofactingonimpulse,avoiding
plansandsowingdiscontent,insteadofjustdefinitivelysayingI’mnotinterestedinthebeginning.

Shecouldn’tdothisfortherestofherlife.
“I’llgowithyou,”shesaid,herlipsbarelymoving.“Butjustasfriends,Owen.We’reonlyevergoingtobefriends.If
that’sacceptabletoyou,I’llgo.Otherwise,Iunderstandifyou’drathergoaloneorwithsomeoneelse.”

Herfellowgardenerandlongtimefriendlookeddownathisfeet.“Sortofhadafeelingthatwouldbeyoureventualanswer.”
Briefly,shelaidahandonhisarm.“I’msorryifit’snottheoneyouwant.Butit’snotgoingtochange.”
“Well.”Heblewoutadisappointedbreath.“Thanksforbeinghonest.I’llgiveyouacallaboutSaturday.Soundgood?”
“Soundsgreat,”shecalledtoOwenonhiswayoutthedoor.
NowsheonlyhadtofaceNatalie.
“Thiswasnotworthahalfgallonofmilk,”Halliemusedoutloud.
Nataliesmirked,pushingofftheshelvestosaunterinHallie’sdirection.AfulltensecondspassedwithoutJulian’ssister
sayinganything.ShesquintedatHallie,instead,circlingaroundthebackofher,acopinterviewingaperpetrator.

Finally,shesaid,“Whatthehellwasthat?”
Halliestarted.“Whatthehellwaswhat?”
“Thatawkwardredheadaskingyouout.Doesn’theknowyou’reseeingmybrother?”
Huh?Allright,thatwasthelastthingshe’dexpectedtheotherwomantosay.“Um…areyoustilllivingintheguesthouse
withJulian?”

“Yes.”
“Andhedidn’ttellyouthatwebrokeup?”
SayingthosewordsoutloudmadeHallie’seyesfillupwithtears,soshetiltedherheadbackandblinkedupattheceiling.
“Uh,Iknowhesaidsomekindofbullshitaboutyoubothneedingspace.Andthenhelockedhimselfinhisofficetofinish
hisbook.Hehasn’tcomeoutfortwoweeks.UnlessheemergeswhenI’mpassedout,whichismoreandmoreoftenthesedays.”

“Youneedtohandlethat.”
“Iknow.Ihaveaplan.IjustneedalittlemorecouragebeforeIenactit.”AshadowdancedacrossNatalie’sfeatures;thenshewasbacktobeingsteely-eyed.“Look,Idon’tknowwhathappenedbetweenyoutwo,butfeelingsdon’tjust—poof—goaway.Notthekindyouhaveforeachother.Now,myex-fiancéandI?Yeah,inhindsight,thesuccessofthatrelationshipwasridingonmoneyandimage.Icanseethatnow.YouandJulian,though…”ShegaveHallieapleadinglook.“Don’tbeeachother’sonewhogotaway.Youcanfixit.”
“Iwrotehimsecretadmirerlettersanddeceivedhimaboutit.”
“Thatwasyou?”Nataliesputtered.Gaped.“Whythehelldidyoudothat,youcrazyidiot?”

Halliegroaned.“Itallsoundsridiculousnow.”
“Well,yeah.”

“Itstartedoffwithmewantingtogetthis…crushoffmychest.Butthen,talkingtohimmademefeelsomuchbetter
aboutwhereIam.WhoIam.Ourdiscussionsmademythoughtsclearer.SoIwrotemyfeelingstohiminletters,hoping…
toknowmyselfandhimbetterintheprocess.Ididn’tthinkitallthewaythrough,andthat’stheproblem.Ineverdo.Hewasrighttoleaveandstoptakingmycalls.Heshouldforgetallaboutme.”

Nataliescrutinizedherforabreath,thenpattedherawkwardlyontheshoulder.“Allright,let’snotgetdramatic.”
“Thisisnothingifnotdramatic!”Julian’ssisterwasstartingtolooksympathetic,probablybecauseofthetearsthatinsisted
onescapinghereyes,butHalliedidn’twantthatsympathy.Notuntilshe’dsufferedforatleastanotherdecade.“Ishould
go.”

“Wait.”Nataliesteppedintoherpath,visiblyuncomfortablewithHallie’soverwroughtemotions.“Listen,I…getthis.Mybrotherbarelytalkedtomeforfouryearsafterrescuingmefromafire.Ithadthenervetoscareourstoicasses.Weneverlearnedhowtoexpressourselvesinahealthyway,soweleanonavoidance.”Shegesturedtoherself.“See?Hello,I’mthreethousandmilesfromthebrokenpiecesofmyliferightnow.Nicetomeetyou.”
Despitehermisery,Halliegaveawaterylaugh.“Iseewhereyou’recomingfrom,but…”He’sbetteroffwithoutme.“We’rebetteroffapart.”

HalliegotthedistinctimpressionthatNataliewantedtostompafoot.“No,you’renot.MeandthatarrogantNavySEAL,August
whatever,arebetteroffapart.”Shepaused,lookedfarawayforamoment,beforeshakingherself.“YouandJulianaresuffering
rightnow,andoneofyouneedstostopbeingstubbornandfixit.Yes,Irealizethisisapot-meet-kettlesituation,but
I’mnottheonewhowrotefakeloveletters,soI’mclaimingthemoralhighgroundforthepurposesofthissituation.If
yougoonadatewiththatdorkyredhead,evenasfriends,I’mgoingtoslashyourtires.”

“Youreallywould,wouldn’tyou?”
“Icarryaswitchbladeinmypurse.”
Hallieshookherhead.“Dammit.Ireallylikeyou.”
ShewatchedinconfusedaweasaflushtookoverNatalie’scheeks.“Oh.Well.”Shescratchedatthedarkwingofhereyebrow.
“Whodoesn’t,right?”

Theylookedateachotherinsilence.
“Itwasbad,Natalie.Whathappenedwithus.”Amemoryofhimsweatinginthedoorwayofherbedroompoppedup.Shehadto
breathethroughit.“Ican’tevenbringmyselftotellyouhowbadlyImessedup.You’dslashmytiresandbreakmywindows.”

“Maybe.”Nataliesighed,searchingfortherightwords.“Juliangetslostinhisheadsometimes,Hallie.Justgivehimalittle
whiletofindhiswayout.”

Shenoddedasifagreeingtothat,eventhoughshewasn’t.
Ifanything,theconversationwithNataliemadeherevenmoredeterminedtomoveonandnotallowherselftolookbackand
hope.

She’dwreakedmorethanenoughhavocontheuniversealready.ChapterTwenty-Four
JuliantypedTHEENDinhismanuscript,andhishandsfellawayfromthekeyboard.Theoutlineofthosetwowordsthinneduntiltheywereswallowed
upinwhite,disappearingcompletely.Allthatwasleftintheabsenceoftypingwastheelectronichumofhiscomputer,the
lowringinginhisearsthathadbeentherefor…howeverlongithadbeensinceithappenedagain.Hejoltedatthereminder
ofwhyhe’dlockedhimselfinthisroominthefirstplace,desperatetohavehisdistractionback.

Allhehadnowwassilence.
Abunchofwordsonthescreen.Clammysweatonhisskin.Still.Oragain.Hedidn’tknow.
Wherewasthealmightysatisfactionthatcamefromfinishinganovel?Itwouldsweepinanysecondnow,surely.Thetriumph,
therelief,thesenseofsatisfaction.He’dbeenchasingthosethings,needingthem.Requiringsomethingtobelouderthanthenoiseinhishead.Buttherewasnothing.Therewasnothingbuthisstiffjointsandachingmolars
andbloodshoteyes,andthatwasfuckingunacceptable.

Heclearedhisthroat,butahoarsesoundcameoutinstead.Hedughisfingertipsintohiseyesockets.Jesus,ithurttolifthisarms,hisjointssorefrombeinglockedupsotight.Heprobablyhadn’tnoticed,becausenoneofitcouldcompetewiththespikesrakingthroughhisinsides,anditwassomuchworsenowthathe’dstoppedtyping.
ThelightonhisdeskhadgoneoutGodknewwhen.Theblindswerepulleddowntight,buthecouldseearoundtheedgesthat
itwasbrightout.Birdswerechirping,anddustmotesdancedinthesliversoflightthathehadn’tmanagedtokeepout.

Dreadweigheddownhisshoulderssoseverelythattheywerebeginningtoprotestthestrain,andheknewwhy.Heknewwhat
hewasdreading,butassoonasheacknowledgedit,thefinalstageofnumbnesswouldwearoff.Sohefoughttokeepthat
finalveilfromlifting.Foughtagainsttheoutlineofherheadandthesoundofhervoicewithclenchedteethandeverydrop
ofwillpowerhehad.

Julian’shandshotoutunexpectedlyandsentthewirelesskeyboardflyingacrosstheroom.He’djustfinishedabook.Wasn’t
somethingsupposedtohappennow?Wasn’ttheresupposedtobemorethananemptyroomandstaleairandthecursorthatwas
stillblinking?

Wexlerhaddoneexactlywhathewassupposedtodo.He’dbravedtheelements,he’dfoughttheenemy,solvedtheriddlesleft
byhiscomradesfromthepast,andtriumphed.Returnedtheartifacttoitsrightfulowner.Nowtheherostoodinavalley,
lookingout,andtherewasnofulfillment.Onlyemptiness.Wexlerwasalone.Hewasalone,andhewas…

Flawless.Hedidn’thaveasinglethingwrongwithhim.Apartfrombeingbrieflycapturedbyhisrival,he’dmadenomistakes.Notonethroughoutthesinglebook.He’dbeenrigorousandbraveanduncompromising.AndJulianfoundthathecouldnotcarelessthatWexlerhadwon.Ofcoursethisprotagonistwithoutasinglebadcharacteristicwonintheend.Hehadn’tstumbledonce.Hadn’tquestionedhimselforbeendoubted.Hadn’trecognizedhisownshortcomingsanddoneanythingtofixthem.He’djustwon.Wasn’tthatthedream?Didn’tpeoplewanttoreadaboutsomeonetheyaspiredtobe?Juliandid.
Normally.
Buttheendinglefthimtotallyempty
Julianhadbeenwritingthemanhewantedtobe.Abraveman.Buttherewasnosatisfactioninwinningwithoutthelossesthatcamefirst.Therewasnobraverywhen
victorywasagiven.

Aherowithseriousflawsandevenweaknesses…couldstillbeahero.Apersoncouldonlybebraveiffailingwasapossibility.
Andthatnightofthefire…didhefail?He’dalwaysthoughtyes:Yes,Iletmyselfgetoverwhelmed,Iletthescrewstightenuntilmyexteriorcracked.Inreality,though,hewasstillhere.He’dcomeback.Thepeoplehelovedweresafe.Timemarchedon,andhewoulddoit
alloveragain,evenknowingtheoutcome.He’drunintothefireknowingtheanxietywouldcrushhimafterward,andmaybe…
maybeWexlerneededsomeofthat.Fear.Fearoffailing.Fearofweaknesses.Didn’tthatonlymakebeingstrongmorerewarding?

Thescreenofhiscomputerfadedtoblackfrominactivity,andJuliansurgedtohisfeet,notingthetimeontheclock.Seven
fortyinthemorning.Hewouldsleepuntilnoon,showeruntiltenaftertwelve…

Why?
Whyschedulehimselfsoruthlessly?Itdidn’tseemasnecessaryasithadbefore.Nothingseemednecessary,exceptfor
Hisfocusdrifted,andhefoundhimselfwalkingdownthefrontstepsofthehouse.Hemovedwithoutconsciousthought,knowingonsomelevelhewasmovingtowardthegarden,butnotbeingreallysurewhy.Notuntilhestoodinfrontofit.
Theabsolute…masterpieceofit.
Theairwassuckedstraightoutofhislungs.
She’dfinishedthegarden.
Itwasariotofcolor,justlikeher.Itwaswildandjoyfulandwithoutstructure,but,standingbackashewas,itmade
sense.Bloomsfilledspacesandlockedtogetherlikejoints.Theyreachedfortheskyinsomespots,crawlingontheground
inothers,creatingapatternthathehadn’tbeenabletodetectuntilnow.Whenitwasafinishedwork.

Thejourneyhadn’tbeenpretty,buttheresultwasfuckingspectacular.
Likethisgarden,shewaschaos.Butshewasgood,andhe’dknownthis.He’dreachedforherwithbothhandsandaskedtokeepher,mayhemandall—buthehadn’tacceptedhis
ownflawsyet.He’drecognizedhersasbeautifulwhilebelievinghiswerestillhideous,andthat’swherehe’dgonewrong.

Hehadn’tbeenfullyright,fullyreadyforher.Notwhenhecouldn’taccepthisownimperfections…andrealizethose
imperfectionswerewhatmadevictoryworthwhile.

Andshewasthevictory.Hallie.
Hernameinhisheadtoreawaythatfinallayerofnumbness,and,ashe’dknownitwould,thepanicrippedthroughhimlike
aknife.Thesoundofhervoicebegginghimnottoleave,thesoftbutpersistentpullofherhandsonhiselbow.Theletter.
Thewordsfromherletter.

ThekindofpersonwhowantstobebetterandseestheirownfaultsissomeoneIwanttospendtimewith.They’llcomplementmineifwewantitbadenough.
Notreallyseeingthegroundinfrontofhim,helurchedtowardthehouse.Andthenhestartedtorun.Carkeys.Hejustneeded
togethiscarkeys.Christ,heneededtoseehernow
I’msorryIliedtoyou.IhopeIhaven’truinedeverything,becausewhileIthoughtIwasinlovewithhighschoolJulian,
Ididn’tknowhim.Iknowtheman,though.AndnowIunderstandthedifferencebetweenloveandinfatuation.I’vefeltbothforyou,fifteen
yearsapart.Pleaseforgiveme.I’mtryingtochange
Theydidn’teventalkaboutherletter.
She’dhadacrushonhiminhighschool?Hewantedeverydetail.Hewantedtoknoweverything.Hewantedtolaughaboutit
withherinhermagicallittlegardenandmakeupforbeingastupidteenagerandnotknowingherandlovingherforfifteen
years.Wherethefuckhadhisheadbeenforfifteenyears?

Hismindwaswideopennow,freeoftheimprisonmentofminutesandhours.Theywerenothingifhedidn’tspendthemwith
her,that’sallheknew.

Natalieemergedfromherbedroomasheranby,eyemaskpusheduponherforehead.“Julian.You’reout.”
“Wherearemykeys?”Hepointedattheconsoletablethatranbetweenthelivingroomandthekitchen.Ifhedidn’tseea
HallieSmileimmediately,hewasgoingtosplitdownthefuckingmiddle.“Theywererighthere.”

“Uh,theywerethere.Nowthey’reinmypurse.Ireturnedmyrental,andI’vebeendrivingyourcarforweeks.”

“Weeks.”Theclamparoundhiswindpipetightened.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“You’vebeenwritingnonstopfortwoandahalfweeks.Youshoweredonceortwice.Ateasandwicheveryonceinawhile.Slepthereandthere.IstayedoutofyourwaysoIdidn’tinterruptyour”—airquotes—“‘process.’ButI’mnothandingoverthekeysuntilyoucleanyourselfup.Ibelievethescientifictermforyourconditionis‘nasty.’”
JulianhadonlyhalfheardeverythingNataliesaidafter“twoandahalfweeks.”Twoandahalfweeks?No.Notagain.PleasetellmeIdidn’tdothisagain.Therewerefoggymemoriesofleavingtheoffice,fallingnumblyintobed,watchingthroughthegritinhiseyesashishands
preparedfood,wordsappearingonthescreen.Itwasablur,buthecouldn’tpossiblyhavebeenawayfromHalliethatlong.

Hewouldn’tsurviveit.
Youhavebarelysurvivedit.
Hisbodywasinhorriblepainfrombeinginasittingpositiontoolong,butthecaverninhischestwastheworstpainof
all.Anditstretchedwiderandwidernow,asherealizedalltheimportantconversationsthatwereneverhad.Theforgiveness
he’dnevergiven.Thetimehe’dwastedonabookthathadbeenonthewrong
“Takeashowerbeforeyougoseeher.”
“Ican’t.Twoandahalfweeks.”
Natalieyawned,reachingintoherroomforherpurseanddroppingitoutsidethedoor.“Yeah—andyoumightwanttocatchher
beforesheleavesforthehomeandgardenshowwiththeredhead.Theyarejustfriends,but,youknow,Istilldon’tthink
he’sdeletinghisweddingplaylistanytimesoon.”

Hisintestinesjustsortofmeltedintohissocks.Thiswaspeakmisery.Howhefeltdidn’tmeanjackshitrightnow,though.He’dwalkedoutonHalliewhileshewascrying,tooboggeddowninhisownself-disgustthathe’dneglectedtotakecareofher.Toreassureherthathewasn’tupsetoverthesecretshe’dbeenkeeping.Hewasgratefulforit.Thoseletterswerethefirststepinthejourneytowherehewasnow.Toseeingtheworlddifferently.Seeinghimself
differently.

“Howisshe?”Herifledthroughhissister’spurseforthecarkeys.Fucktheshower.“Ididn’tmeantoleavehersolong.
Shemusthateme.”

“Hateyou?No.”Natalie’stoneofvoiceturnedJulianaround.“Julian,Idon’tknowwhathappenedbetweenyoutwo,butshe’s
takingtheblame.Ifshehatesanyone,shehatesherself.”

No.No,no,no.
Apoundingstartedinthedeadcenterofhisforehead,hisstomachpitching,nauseapickingupspeedlikearoguewave.Driving
toherhouseandapologizingwasn’tenough.No,sheneededmore.Alotmore.Themostunique,lovingwomanontheplanethad
beenwritinghimloveletters,andheneededtoshowherwhatthey’dmeanttohim.Whatshemeanttohim.

Everything.
Wouldshewanthimwhenhehadtheabilitytogosilentforweeks?
“Thelasttimethishappened,I…couldn’tbetherewhenmyfamilyneededme.NowI’vedonethesamethingtoher.She’s
beenhurtingforweeks,andI’vebeenlostinmyownhead.Broughtdownbythisfuckingweakness.Iwasjust…”Hesearched
fortherightexplanation.“Iwokeupalone,andshewasgone.Ithoughtshewashurt.Orworse.AndthenIcouldn’tcalm
myselfdown…”

“Julian.”HefoundNatalielookingathimwithathoughtfulfrown.“Thishasonlyhappenedtoyoutwice,”shesaidslowly.“OncewhenIwasindanger.Andagain,whenyouthoughtsomethingmighthavehappenedtoHallie.”
Allhecouldthinkaboutnowwasgettingtoher.Holdingher.“Idon’tfollow.”
Nataliedidn’tspeakrightaway,hereyesturningslightlydamp.“You’reaprotector.Asolverofproblems.Alwayshavebeen,
sincewewerekids.Ifyoursupposedweaknessiscaringtoomuchaboutthepeopleyoulove,tothepointofpanic,thenthatisastrength,notaweakness.It’sjustonethatneedstobemanagedcorrectly.”

Hissister’swordsfinallybrokethrough.Wassheright?
Didtheworstofhispanicstemfrompeoplehelovedbeingindanger?
“WhenIcheckoutlikethis,Ileaveeveryonetopickupthepiecesalone.Icouldn’thelpwithdamagecontrolafterthefire.
I’veleftHalliefortwoandahalfweeks.MyGod—”

“Idon’thaveawaytosolvethatpart,Julian.Butthereisawaytocopewithit.Iknowthereis.”Shetiltedherheadslightly,herexpressionsympatheticandunderstanding.“Maybe
it’stimetostoptryingtodothatonyourown.”

“Yeah.”Hisvoicewasraw.“Okay.Iknowyou’reright.”Assoonashedidn’tfeellikedyingforbeingawayfromhisgirl
solong,he’dmakethecalls.He’dschedulethenecessaryappointmentstogethealthier.Forhimself.Foreveryone.Butright
now?NoneofthatwashappeningwithoutHalliebeinghealedfirst.“Natalie,please.Ineedyourhelp.”

***
Halliesatinherbackyard,leaningupagainstthefence,surroundedbydozingdogs.Shehadasketchpadinherlap,apencilstillrollingbackandforthwhereithadfallenfromherfingers.She’dfinishedit.Theideaforthelibrarygardenwascomplete—anditwasglorious.Aplanthatdidn’tnecessarilylooklikeone.AHallie-stylebuffetofsunflowersanddogwoodandnativewildflowers.Shadedbenchesandwaterbabblingoverstonesandaswinghangingfromtheoaktree.ItwasaplanRebeccawouldhavebeenproudof.
Halliewasproudofit,too.
Weirdhowtheworstscenarioscomingtruecouldpulleverythingintoperspective.She’dbeenthrivingondistractionsand
disordersothatshewouldn’thavetodecidewhotobe.Butthetruthwas,she’dalreadybeentheexactrightperson.She
justneededtostopwavingandshoutingandlisten.Feel.Centerherselfnowinthestillnessandsunshine.Shewasasurvivor.
Afriend.Someonewhobroughtthecolorinunconventionalways,buttriedherbest.Shehadabrokenheartinmorewaysthan
one,butshewasstillstanding,andthatmadeherstrong.Shewasstrongerthansheeverknewpossible.

Acarhornblaredfromthefrontyard
Hallie’snosewrinkled.Whowasthat?Owenhadstoodherupviatextthismorning,claimingaworkemergency—andanyway,it
waslateafternoonnowandthey’dmissedthewholehomeandgardenshow.

Thehornwentoffagain,andthedogsallgotupatonce,howlingattheskyandtrottingincircles.“Okay,guys.”Hallie
usedthefencetostandonlegsthatwerehalf-asleepfromsittingtoolong.“Noneedtogetworkedup.”

Halliepaddedthroughthehouseonbarefeet,movingasideacurtaininthefrontwindowtodeterminewhowascausingthe
ruckus.

Lavinia?
Herbestfriendspiedherpeekingthroughthecurtainsandrolleddownthepassenger-sidewindow.“Getin,loser.”
Sketchpadstillinhand,Hallieunlockedthefrontdoorofherhouseandwentdownthepath,accompaniedbythreeveryharried
canines.“Whatishappeninghere?”

“Getinthecar.”
“But…What?Why?Issomethingwrong?”
“No.Well,yes.Buthopefullynotmuchlonger.”Laviniasnappedherfingersandpointedatthepassengerseat.“Getinthis
bloodyPrius,HallieWelch.I’materriblesecretkeeper,andI’vegotaboutfiveminutesbeforeitjustburstsoutofme.”

Hallieherdedthedogsbacktowardthehouse,sputtering,“Atleastletmeputonsomeshoesandlockthedoor!”
“You’repushingit!”Laviniashouted,honkingthehorn.
Lessthanaminutelater,Halliewasdivingintothecarinherflip-flops,stillholdinghersketchpad.She’dforgottenher
phoneandwasprettysureshe’dlockedherselfoutofthehouse,butatleastthehonkinghadceased.

“Whatisgoingon?”ShescrutinizedLavinia,butthedonutmakerremainedstubbornlytight-lipped.Literally.Shewaspressing
herlipstogethersotightly,theywereturningwhite.Andthat’swhenHallienoticedthenecklaces.

Laviniausuallyworeasimplechainwithasmallonyxpendant.Today,thereweresomanylayersofjewelryaroundLavinia’s
neck,Halliecouldn’tevenfigureouthowmanynecklacesshewaswearing.Silversandgoldsandchunkywoodencostumepieces.

“Whyareyou—”
Laviniacutheroffwithamiddlefinger,shakingherhead.
Allright.Shewasahostage.GoingsixtymilesanhourinaPrius,possiblybeingmockedforhertasteinjewelry,andtherewasnothingshecoulddoaboutit,apparently.Hallieleanedbackintheseat,fingerswrappedaroundhersketchbook,staringoutthroughthewindshieldandtryingtodeterminewhereLaviniawastakingher.Itonlytookaboutthreeminutesfortheirdestinationtobecomeobvious.
Hallielurchedforward,verynearlyreachingforthesteeringwheeltopreventLaviniafromturningdownthewell-manicured
roadthatledtoVosVineyard.“OhGod.No.Lavinia.”Forabeat,sheseriouslycontemplatedthrowingopenthepassengerdoor
andcastingherselfoutofthemovingvehicle.“Iknowyouthinkyou’rehelping,buthedoesn’twanttoseeme.”

“Almostthere,”Laviniagasped.“Almostthere.Don’tlookatme.Icandothis.”
“You’rescaringme.”
Thebrakesscreeched,andLaviniashutoffthecar,makingashooingmotionatHallie.“Getout.Go.I’mrightbehindyou.”
“I’mnotgettingout…”
Hallie’sprotestdiedonherlipswhenthreepeopleclimbedoutoftheJeepbesidethem…ladenwithnecklaces.Like,dozensupondozensofmismatchedones.Hallielookeddownatherowncollection,displayedintheVofherwhiteT-shirt,andfeltatuginherribcage.Forthelastfewdays,she’dtriedtowhittledownherselectiontoonenecklace,butshecouldnevermanageit.Shelikedthemall.Theyrepresenteddifferentpartsofherpersonalityandexperiences.Thepearlswereanodetoherromanticside,thegoldcrossareminderthatshe’dbeenagoodgranddaughter—thebestoneshecouldmanage.Thepinkchokerwiththebright,prettyflowersoncerepresentedthepartofherthatlikedtoavoidunwantedconversations,butnowitwasaremindertostopusingflowersasadistractionandhavethetoughtalks.Especiallywithherself.
Although,shemissedtalkingtoJulianmostofall.
Thenecklacesblurredtogether,thankstothemoistureinhereyes,andwhenshelookedupandoutthewindshieldagain,it
tookamomentforthefigureinfrontofthePriustocomeintofocus.

Natalie.Coveredinnecklaces.
“Seriously,whatisgoingon?”
LaviniagotoutofthePriusandlitacigarette.“She’sinthemoodtobestubborn.Yougetoneside,I’lltaketheother.”
Natalienoddedandputonhersunglasses.“Let’sdothis.”
Halliewatchedinhorrorasbothwomenconvergedonthepassengerside,clearlyintendingtodragheroutofthecar.She
wassostunnedandconfusedthatshedidn’tmanagetolockthedoorintime,andtruly,shedidn’tstandachance.Eachwoman
reachedforanarmandpulledHalliefromthevehicledespiteherprotests,thesketchbookdanglingfromherrighthanduselessly.
“Please!”Hallieduginherheels.“Idon’tknowwhatthisis,but…”

Butwhat?
Shewantedtoavoidconfrontinghermistakesinperson?Shewantedtohideinherhouseforanothertwoandahalfweekseating
cereal?

No.Ifshe’dlearnedanythingfromhertimewithJulian?itwasthatgrowingmeantgettingthroughthehardstuff,andcoming
outstrongerontheotherside.Thesketchpadwasproofshecouldconfrontherfearsandtacklethingssheneverthoughtherself
capableof.Soshecoulddothis,too.

Whatever“this”was.
HalliestoppedstrugglingandwalkedbetweenNatalieandLavinialikeanormalwomanwithoutavoidanceissues.ObviouslyherfriendshadstagedsomekindofHallie-themedcheer-upsession,andtheywerewelcometotry.Julianprobablywouldn’tevenbethere.

Thatassumptionpoppedlikeatirerollingoverglasswhensheheardhisvoiceahead.
Hewas…shouting?
“Anywhereyouwant,”boomedhisdeepvoice,justastheyroundedthecornerofthewelcomecenter.TherewasJulian.InjeansandaT-shirt.
Messierthanshe’deverseenhim.Standinginthebackofaflatbedtruckthatappearedtobetransportinganentirenursery
worthofflowersandshrubsandvariouswoodentrellises.

Alargecrowdofpeoplehadcongregatedaroundthetruck,andHallieimmediatelyrecognizedseveralfaces.Lornawasthere.
Owen.Severalofherclients.August,theSEALturnedvintner.Jerome.ThewaitstafffromOthello.Mrs.Cross,whoownedthe
coffeeshopacrossthestreetfromCorked.Mrs.Vos.Twogiantgroupsoftouristsholdinghalf-emptydisposablewineglasses.
Julianwashandingdownrandompalletsofflowersandpottedshrubberytotheassembledmass,hishandsalmostblackwith
soil.

Heworedozensofnecklacesaroundhisneck.
“Findaplaceforthem.Anywhereinthevineyard.Andplantthem.”
“Anywhere?”Jeromeasked,skeptically.
“Yes.”HalliewatchedindisbeliefasJulianswipedafilthyhandthroughhishair,leavingitstandingonend.“Norules.
Anywhereitfeelsright.”

Whatwasthis?
Halliewasstillpiecingitalltogether,butherlegswererapidlyturningintocakebatter.Wasthisadream?OrhadJulianorganizedaplantingpartyathisfamilyvineyard…inherhonor?Whatelsecouldthenecklacessymbolize?WhyelsewouldhebeinstructingpeopletousethesignatureHallieWelchmethodofhavingnomethodatall?
Julian’sheadturnedsharplytotheright,meetingHallie’sgaze.
TheycouldhearthethumpofherheartonJupiter.
Lookingintohiseyesagain,evenfromthisdistance,wassopowerfulthatshealmostturnedandranforthecar.Butthen
Julianwasjumpingdownfromthebackofthetruckandstridingtowardher,notdebonaireanddeterminedashe’dbeenthe
nightofAugust’swinetasting.No,thiswasahauntedversionofJulianthatwashangingonbyathread.

“Hallie,”herasped,stoppingafewfeetaway.NatalieandLavinialethergosuddenly,whichwasnotagoodthing,because
apparentlythey’dbeenproppingherupinthefaceofthisreunion.Hallie’skneesbuckled,andJulianshotforward,catching
herinhisarmsbeforeshecouldhitthedirt.“Okay,I’vegotyou,”hesaidgruffly,eyesracingoverherface.“It’sokay.
Mylegswanttogiveout,too,fromseeingyouagain.”

Sheallowedhimtosteadyher,butshecouldn’tfindthebreathtosayaword.
Peoplewerefanningoutintothevineyardwithbright,beautifulflowersintheirhands,preparingtoplantthematrandom—at
Julian’sbehest—andthatmeantsomething.Itmeantsuchawonderfulsomethingthatshecouldn’tarticulateitoutloudjust
yet.Butmaybe…hadhefounditinhishearttoforgiveher?

“Hallie…”Julian’sbighandsclosedaroundherarms,fingersflexing.Headbowedforward,hereleasedanunsteadybreath.
“I’msorry.I’msosorry.”

Surprisejerkedherchinupanotch.
What?Hadsheheardhimcorrectly?
“You’resorry?”
“Iknowthat’snotenoughafterdisappearingforseventeendays,butit’sjustastart—”
“Youhavenoreasontobesorry,”sheblurted,stillreelinginherdisbeliefthathewastakingresponsibilityforanythingthatwentwrong.“I’msorry,Julian.Iliedbyomission.IletyoubelieveyouwerewritingbacktosomeoneelsewhenIhadeveryopportunityto
betruthful.IpushedyouintofeelingawayyouneverwantedtofeelagainbecauseIcouldn’thelpmakingamess,likealways,
andIwon’tletyouclaimresponsibilityforanyofit.”

ShetriedtopullawayfromJulian,buthegatheredherclose,instead,bringingtheirforeheadstogether.“Hallie,listen
tome.Youdon’tmakemesses.Youfollowyourheart,andyourheartissobeautiful,Ican’tbelieveitwasmine.”Heseemed
tobracehimself.“Putmeoutofmymiseryandtellmeit’sstillmine.Please.”

Sheforgothowtospeak.Allshecoulddowasstare.Wasshedreamingthis?
“It’sallright,Icanwait,”hesaid,swallowingaudibly.“IhavesomuchIwanttotellyou.Ifinishedmybookandit’s
terrible.”

Halliewasalreadyshakingherhead.“I’msurethat’snottrue.”
“No,it’sonehundredpercenttrue.ButIneededtofinishthefirsthorribledraftinordertoknowhowtofixit.Noone
getsanythingworthwhilerightonthefirsttry.That’swhyweevolve.That’swhywechange.Ineverwouldhavelearnedthat
withoutyou.Withoutthoseletters.”Hepaused,visiblysearchingfortherightwords.“Bumpierjourneysleadtobetterdestinations.
You.Me.We’rethebestdestinationofall.”

Hallie’seyesstartedtoburn,heartinaslingshot.“HowcanyoufeelthatwayaboutmeafterImadeyoupaniclikethat?”
“Hallie.”Hisfilthyfingerssankintoherhair,hiseyesimploringhertounderstand.“IpanickedlikethatbecauseIloveyou.”Hedidn’tevenpauselongenoughtoletthoseincrediblewordssinkin.“Forsolong,IthoughtIneededthis
strictcontroltokeeptheanxietyatbay,andmaybeinaway,Idoneedstructure.I’mgoingtofindout.Butthattruepanic
onlyhappenswhensomeoneIloveisthreatened.Irealizethatnow.WhenIwokeupandcouldn’tfindyou…allIcould
thinkwastheworst.Hallie.”Hecradledherfaceinadoringhands.“Ifsomethinghappenedtoyou,itwouldendme.Butthat
fearisonlyanindicationthatmyheartbelongstoyou,allright?It’srighthere.Pleasejusttakeit.”

Herbreathleftherinagreatrush.Butnotallofit.Sheheldontojustenoughtowhisperthewordsthathadbeenetched
onhersoulindifferenthandwritingandfordifferentreasonsoverthecourseoffifteenyears.“Iloveyou,too,”shewhispered.
“Onebumpyride,reportingforduty,ifyou’resure.Ifyou’re—”

“IfI’msure?”Foreheadspressedtogether,theybreathedhardagainsteachother’smouthsforlongmoments.“Alltimeisnot
createdequal.Iknowthatnow.Timewithyouisthemostsubstantialofall.I’llprobablyneverbeabletostopcounting
theminutesthatwe’reapart,buttheoneswhenwe’retogether,I’mleavingroomforanything.Whateverhappens.Gopherholes,
rainstorms…”

“Robberies,drunkenloveletters…”
“Drunken?Thefirstone?”Sheconfirmedwithanod,andhelaughed.“Itdidhaveanoticeablydifferenttone.”Hishandsdropped
fromherhair,capturingherwristsandbringingthemuptoencirclehisneck.Bodiesmeetingandmoldingtogether,theymoved
lefttorightinaslowdancetothesoundoftheirheartbeats.“Promiseyou’llkeepwritingmeletters.”

Wasshefloating?“I’llwritethemforaslongasyouwant.”
Helookedherintheeye.“That’sgoingtobeprettydamnlong,HallieWelch.”Hismouthslantedoverhersandcoaxedher
intoadizzyingkiss.“I’mgoingtowriteyouback,too.OneforeverydayImissedoutonforfifteenyears.”

Thiswaswhatswooningfeltlike.“That’salotofletters,”shemanaged.
Hisgrinspreadagainsthermouth.“We’vegottime.”
***
Laterthatnight,afteralloftheflowershadbeenplanted,thelaughterfadingintothestarlit,fragrantNapanight,Hallie
andJulianstoodinfrontoftheclosedlibrary,sidebyside.

Shehandedhimhersketchbookandhelookeditoverwithseriousprofessoreyes.
“Idon’tknowwheretostart,”sheadmitted.
Andheseemedtoknowexactlywhatshemeant.Becausehenoddedonceandreturnedtohiscarinthatbrisk,determinedway
ofhis.Heopenedthebackdoor,thetophalfofhisbodydisappearingintothevehicle.Themusclesofhisbackflexedand
herfingersstretchedinresponse,missingthetextureofhisskin—butallthoughtsofdebaucheryfledwhenshespottedthe
objectJulianwashaulingoutofthecar.Ithadbeencoveredinablanketbefore,andshe’dassumeditwasmoresupplies
he’dpurchasedatthenursery.Butno.

Itwashergrandmother’stable.
TheonethathadsatoutsideofCorkedsincethefifties.
Itwasrightthere,thrownoverJulian’sshoulder,ashecarrieditacrossthestreet.TheworldseemedtotiltbeneathHallie,onallsides,herthroatsqueezingsotightitwasawondershewasstillbreathing.Shesaidhisnamebutnowordscameout.Allshecoulddowasrunherfingersovertheintricateswirls,thechippedwhitepaint.Julianwasalreadybackatthecar,takingthewrought-ironchairsfromthetrunk.Hecarriedoneineachhandandsetthemdownbesidethetable,lookingather,chestrisingandfalling.
“Lornaneedstripletheamountofoutdoorseatingnow.Wewentaheadandorderednewtables.Chairs.Noneofthemmatched
thisone,though.Nothingcouldevermatchit.”Heleanedoverandrestedhislipsonthecrownofherhead.“Maybeit’stime
togiveitanewhome.”

“Iknewmyplansweremissingsomething.”Throughhertears,shesmileddownatthefamiliardipsandplumesofthewrought-iron
pattern.“Itneededthatpieceofher.Youbroughtmetheheart.”

Hisarmsencircledher,wrappingherinwarmth.“I’dhavebroughtyoumine,butIalreadygaveyouthewholedamnthing,Hallie.”
Afterthedayhe’dplannedatthewinery,she’dassumedherownheartwasfullyhealed.Buttheremusthavebeenonemissing
component,becauseafinalstitchthreadedintoplacenowanditbeatlikealion’s.Whocouldhaveanythinglessthanafiercely
functioningheartwhentherewassomeoneintheworldwhowoulddothisforher?

Julianheldouthishand,andtheywalkedintothelibrarycourtyardtogether.
Andtheystayedlateintotheeveninggettingmessyinthedirt,plantingflowersandsmilingateachotherinthemoonlight.
Becausetheirjourneywasonlygettingstarted.

THEENDAcknowledgments
Theysaytowritewhatyouknow.AndifIknowtwothings,it’swineandanidentitycrisis,soSecretlyYoursiswellwithinmywheelhouse.Thisbookisbestpairedwithwhatevermakesyouhappy,whetherit’saperfectlyagedCabernetoramilkshake.Speakingofmilkshakes,I’mgoingtotryandnotlaythison
toothick,butyou,reader,arethethingthatmakesmehappy.Iappreciateyourvoices,emails,andsocialmediaposts.Iappreciateyouevenifyou’reoneofthequietones.Thank
youforgivingmetheconfidencetokeepdoingthis.Thankyou,aswell,tomysteadfastandtalentededitor,NicoleFischer
atAvon,HollyRice-Baturin—publicistofmydreamsandperpetualrayofsunshine—andthewonderfulandvaluedNaureenNashid.
Muchgratitudetomyagent,LauraBradford.Eternallovetomyhusband,Patrick,anddaughter,Mac.
AbouttheAuthor
#1NewYorkTimesbestsellingauthorTESSABAILEYcansolveallproblemsexceptherown,soshefocuseshereffortsonfictionalstubbornblue-collarmenandloyal,lovable
heroines.ShelivesonLongIsland,avoidsthesunandsocialinteractions,thenwonderswhynoonehascalled.Dubbedthe
“Michelangeloofdirtytalk”byEntertainmentWeekly,Tessawriteswithspice,spirit,swoon,andaguaranteedhappilyeverafter.CatchheronTikTok@authortessabaileyorcheck
outtessabailey.comforacompletelistofherbooks.

Discovergreatauthors,exclusiveoffers,andmoreathc.comAnnouncement
Howdoesadown-on-her-luckNapaheiressendupmarriedtoaninfuriatingformerNavySEALturnedcluelesswinemaker?Read
onforasneakpeekatNatalie’sstory…
ChapterOne
ForaslongasAugustCatescouldremember,hisdickhadruinedeverything.
Inseventhgrade,he’dgottenahard-onduringapeprallywhilestandinginfrontoftheentireschoolinfootballpants.
Sincehisclassmatescouldn’topenlycallhimWoodyinthepresenceoftheirteachers,they’dcalledhimTomHanks,instead.
Itstuckallthroughhighschool.Tothisday,hecringedattheverymentionofToyStory
Trustyourgut,son.
Hisnavycommanderfatherhadalwayssaidthattohim.Infact,thatwasprettymuchallhe’deversaid,bywayofadvice.
Everythingelseconstitutedadirectorder.Problemwas,Augusttendedtoneedalittlemoreinstruction.Adiagram,ifpossible.
Hewasn’taget-it-right-on-the-first-trytypeofman.Whichisprobably
Meaning,he’dtranslatedhisfather’sadviceinto…
Trustyourdick,son.
Auguststraightenedthewineglassinfrontofhiminordertoforgoadjustingtheappendageinquestion.Theglasssatonasilvertray,secondsfrombeingcarriedtothepanelofjudges.Currently,thethreesmugelitistsweresippingaCabernetofferingthathadbeenenteredintotheBouquetsandBeginnerscompetitionbyanotherlocalvintner.ThecrowdofNapaValleywinesnobsleanedforwardintheirfoldingchairstohearthecritiquefromonejudgeinparticular.
NatalieVos.
Thedaughterofalegendarywinemaker
VosVineyardheiressandall-aroundplagueonhisfuckingsanity.
Augustwatchedherfulllipsperchontheedgeoftheglass.Theywerepaintedakindoflushplumcolortoday.Theymatched
thesilkblousesheworetuckedintoaleatherskirtandhesworetoGod,hecouldfeelthecrushofthatleatherinhispalms.
Couldfeelhisfingertipsrakingdownherbarelegstoremovethosehighheelswithspikesonthetoes.Notforthefirst
time—no,incrediblyfarfromthefirsttime—hementallykickedhimselfintheassforsabotaginghischancesoftakingNatalie
Vostobed.Shewouldn’ttouchhimnowthroughahazmatsuitandshe’dtoldhimasmuchumpteentimes.

Hischancesofwinningthiscontestdidn’tbodewell.
NotonlybecauseheandNatalieVoswereenemies,butbecausehiswinesuckedbigsweatydonkeyballs.Everyoneknewit.Hell,
Augustknewit.Theonlyonetocallhimoutonit,however,waspreparingtodeliverherverdicttotheaudience.

“Colorisrich,ifabitlight.Notesoftobaccoinfront.Citrusaftertaste.Veeringtowardacidic,but…”Sheheldthe
wineuptothesunandstudieditthroughtheglass.“Overallveryenjoyable.Admirableforatwo-year-oldwinery.”

Murmursandgolfclapsallaroundfromtheaudience.
Thewinemakerthankedthejudges.HeactuallybowedtoNataliewhileretrievinghisglassandAugustcouldn’tstifletheeyerolltosavehislife.Unfortunately,Nataliecaughttheactionandraisedaperfectblackbrow,signalingAugustforwardforhisturnatthejudgingtable,likeaprincesssummonsacommoner—anddidn’tthatfittheirrolestoaT?
Augustdidn’tbelonginthissunnyfive-starresortandspacourtyardonaSaturdayafternoonferryingwineonasilvertray
tothesewealthybirdbrainswhooverinflatedtheimportanceofwinesomuchitfeltlikesatire.Hedidn’tbelonginsophisticated
St.Helena.Wasn’tcutouttoselectthebestbunchofgrapesatthegrocerystore,letalonecultivatetheirsoilandgrow
themfromscratchtomakehisveryownbrandofwine.

Itried,Sammy.
He’dreallyfuckingtried.ThiscontesthadagrandprizeoftenthousanddollarsandthatmoneywasAugust’slasthopeto
keeptheoperationalive.Ifgivenanotherchance,hewouldbemorehands-onduringthefermentationprocess.He’dlearned
thehardwaythat“setitandforgetit”didn’tworkforshitwithwine.Itrequiredconstanttasting,correcting,andrebalancing
topreventspoilage.Hemightdobetterwithanotherseasontoprovehimself.

Forthat,heneededmoney.AndhehadabetterchanceofgettingNatalieinthesackthanwinningthiscompetition—whichwas
tosay,hehadnochancewhatsoever—becauseyeah.Hiswineblewchunks.He’dbeluckyiftheymanagedtoletitrestontheir
palatesforthreeseconds,letalonedeclarehimthewinner.ButAugustwouldtrytothebitterend,sohewouldneverlook
backandwonderifhecouldhavedonemoretobringthissecondhanddreamtolife.

Auguststrodetothejudges’tableandsettheglassesofwineinfrontofNataliewithalotlessceremonythanhiscompetitors,sniffed,andsteppedback,crossinghisarms.Disdainstaredbackathimintheformofthetwomostannoyinglybeautifuleyeshe’deverseen.Sortofawhiskeygold,ringedinadarkerbrown.Hecouldstillrememberthemomenttheexpressioninthoseeyeshadgonefromtake-me-to-bed-daddytoplease-drink-poison
Witch.
Thiswasherdomain,however.Nothis.AtsixfootthreewithabodystillhonedforthebattlesofhispastlifeasaSEAL,
hefitintothispanoramaaboutaswellasRamboatabakesale.Theshirthe’dbeenaskedtowearforthecompetitiondidn’t
fit,soithungfromthebackpocketofhisjeans.Maybehecoulduseittocleanupthewinewhentheyspititout.

“AugustCatesofZelnickCellar,”Nataliesaidsmoothly,handingglassesofwinetoherfellowjudges.Outwardly,sheappeared
coolasever,herunflappableNewYorkdemeanoronfulldisplay,buthecouldseeherbreathcomingfasterasshegearedherself
uptodrinkwhatamountedtosludgeinaglass.Ofthethreejudges,Nataliewastheonlyonewhoknewwhatwascoming,because
she’dtastedhiswineoncebefore—andpromptlycomparedittodemonpiss.Alsoknownasthenighthe’dblownhisoneandonly
chancetosweatupthesheetswithPrincessVosherself.

Sincethatill-fatedevening,theirrelationshiphadbeennothingshortofcontentious.Iftheyhappenedtoseeeachother
onGrapevineWayoratalocalwineevent,shelikedtodiscreetlyscratchhereyebrowwithamiddlefinger,whileAugust
usuallyinquiredhowmanyglassesofwineshe’dplowedthroughsinceninea.m.
Intheory,hehatedher.Theyhatedeachother.
Dammit,though,hecouldn’tseemtoactuallydoit.Notalltheway.

ItallwentbacktoAugustmistakinghisgutforhisdickasayoungster.
Asin,trustyourdick,son
AndthatpartofhisanatomymightaswellbemarriedtoNatalieVos.MarriedwithsevenkidsandlivingintheViennesecountryside
wearingmatchingplayclothesfashionedoutofcurtains,àlaTheSoundofMusic.IfitwereuptoAugust’sdownstairsbrain,hewouldhaveapologizedthenightoftheirfirstargumentandaskedforanother
shottosupplyherwithwall-to-wallorgasms.Butitwastoolatenow.Hehadnochoicebuttoreturntheloathingsheradiated
athim,becausehisupstairsbrainknewalltoowellwhytheirrelationshipwouldneverhavegonepastasinglenight.

NatalieVoshadprivilegeandpolish—nottomentionmoney—comingoutofherears.
Atthirty-five,Augustwasbrokerthanafingerlessmime.
He’ddumpedallofhislifesavingsintoopeningawinery,withnoexperienceorguidance,andlosingthiscontestwouldbe
thedeathblowtoZelnickCellar.

August’schesttightenedlikehewasbeingstrappedtoagurney,butherefusedtobreakeyecontactwiththeheiress.The
growingachebelowhisthroatmusthavebeenvisibleonhisfacebecause,slowly,Natalie’ssmugexpressionmeltedawayand
shefrownedathim.Leanedinandwhisperedforhisearsalone,“What’sgoingonwithyou?AreyoumissingWrestleManiato
behereorsomething?”

“Iwouldn’tmissWrestleManiaformyownfuneral,”hesnorted.“Justtastethewine,compareittomoldygarbage,andgetitoverwith,princess.”
“Actually,Iwasgoingtoordainitassomethinglike…ratbathwater.”Shegesturedathimwithflutteryfingers.“Seriously,
what’sup?Youhavemoreassholeenergythanusual.”

Hesighed,lookingoutattherowsofexpectantspectatorswhowereeitherintenniswhitesorleisurewearthatprobably
costmorethanhistruck.“MaybebecauseI’mtrappedinanepisodeofSuccession.”Timetochangethechannel.Notthathehadachoice.“Doyourworst,Natalie.”

Shewrinkledhernoseathiswine.“Butyou’realreadysogoodatbeingtheworst.”
Augusthuffedalaugh.“Toobadthey’renotgivingoutaprizeforsharpestfangs.You’dbeunmatched.”
“Areyoucomparingmetoavampire?Becauseyourwineistheonethatsucks.”

“Justdownthewholeglasswithouttastingit,likeyouusuallydo.”
Wasthathurtthatflashedinhereyesbeforeshehidit?
Certainlynot.“Youarean—”shestarted.
“Readytobegin,MissVos?”askedoneoftheotherjudges,asilver-hairedmaninhisfiftieswhowroteforWineEnthusiastmagazine.

“Y-yes.Ready.”Sheshookherselfandpulledback,regainingherpoiseandslidingherfingersaroundthestemofthewineglasscontainingAugust’smostrecentCabernet.Agrooveremainedbetweenherbrowsassheswirledtheglassclockwiseandliftedittohernosetoinhalethebouquet.Theotherjudgeswerealreadycoughing,lookingateachotherinconfusion.Hadtheyaccidentallybeenservedvinegar?
Theyspatitoutintotheprovidedsilverbucketsalmostintandem.
Natalie,however,seemeddeterminedtoholdoffaslongaspossible.
Herfaceturnedred,tearsforminginhereyes.
Buttohisshock,theswallowwentdownherthroat,followedbyagaspforair.
“I’mafraid…”beganoneofthejudges,visiblyflustered.ThecrowdwhisperedbehindAugust.“I’mafraidsomethingmust
havegoneterriblywrongduringyourprocess.”

“Yes…”Theotherjudgelaughedbehindhiswrist.“Orastepwasleftoutentirely.”
TherowsofpeoplebehindhimchuckledandNatalie’sattentionstrayedinthatdirection.Sheopenedhermouthtosaysomething
andcloseditagain.Normally,shewouldn’thesitatetocuthimoffattheknees,sowhatwasthis?Pity?She’dchosenthismoment?Thismoment,whenheneededtowalkoutofherewithsomesemblanceofpride,togoeasyonhim?

Nah.Nothavingit.
Hedidn’tneedthisspoiled,trust-fundbrattopullherpunches.He’dseenshitduringcombatthatpeopleonthiswell-manicured
lawncouldn’tevenfathomintheirwildestdreams.He’djumpedoutofplanesintopitch-blackskies.Existedonpurestubbornness
forweeksonendinthedesert.Sufferedlossesthatstillfeltasthoughthey’dhappenedyesterday.

Andyetyoucouldn’tevenmakedecentwine.
He’dfailedSam.
Again.
Afactthathurtadamnsightmorethanthisrichgirljudginghimharshlyinfrontofthesepeoplehe’dprobablyneversee
againaftertoday.Infact,heneededNatalietojustdropthehammeralready,sohecouldshowherhowlittlehecaredabout
heropinion.Itwashisfriend’sdreamneverbeingrealizedthatshouldhurt.Notherverdict.

Augustproppedhishandsonthejudgingtable,seeingnothingbutthebeautiful,black-haireddreamhaunter,watchingher
goldeneyesgowideathisaudacity.“You’renotwaitingforabribe,areyou?NotwithalastnamelikeVos.”Hewinkedat
her,leaneddownuntilonlyNataliecouldhearthewayhedroppedhisvoice.“Unlessyou’rehopingforadifferentkindof
bribe,princess,becausethatcanbearranged.”

Shethrewwineinhisface.
Forthesecondtime.
Honestly,hecouldn’tevenblameher
HewaslashingoutoverhisfailureandNataliewasaconvenienttarget.Buthewasn’tgoingtoapologize.Whatgoodwould
itdo?Shealreadyhatedhimandhe’djustfoundawaytostrengthenthatfeeling.Thebestthinghecoulddotomakeupthe
insulttoNataliewastoleavetown—andthat’sexactlywhatheplannedtodo.He’dbeengivennochoice.

Withwinedrippingfromhisfiveo’clockshadow,Augustpushedoffthetable,swipedasleeveoverhisdampface,andstormed
acrossthelawntotheparkinglot,failurelikeathornstuckdeadinthecenterofhischest.Hewasalmosttohistruck
whenafamiliarvoicecalledoutbehindhim.Natalie.Wassheactuallyfollowinghimaftertheshithe’dsaid?

“Wait!”
Fullyexpectingtoturnaroundandfindatwelve-gaugeshotgunleveledathishead,Augustturnedonabootedheelandwatchedwarilyasthegorgeouswitchapproached.Whydidhehavetheridiculousurgetomoveatafastclipbackinherdirectionandcatchherupinakiss?She’dbreakhisfuckingjawifhetried,butGodhelphim,hisdick/gutinsisteditwastherightthingtodo.“Yeah?Yougotsomethingelseyouwanttothrowinmyface?”
“Myfist.Amongother,sharperobjects.But…”Shejerkedashoulder,appearingtosearchfortherightwords.“Look,
we’renotfriends,August.Igetthat.Iinsultedyourwinethenightweweregoingtohookupandyou’veresentedmeever
since,butwhatyousaidbackthere?Implyingmylastnamemakesmesuperior?You’rewrong.”Shetookastepcloser,herheels
leavingthegrassandsteppingontotheasphaltoftheparkinglot.“Youdon’tknowanythingaboutme.”

Hechuckled.“Goahead,tellmeallaboutyourpainandsuffering,richgirl.”
Shethrewhimawitheringsigh.“Ididn’tsayI’vesuffered.ButIhaven’texactlycoastedalongonmylastname,asyouseem
tobelieve.I’veonlybeenbackinSt.Helenaforafewmonths.ThelastnameVosmeansnothinginNewYork.”

Augustleanedagainstthehoodofhistruckandcrossedhisarms.“Ibetthemoneythatcomeswithitdoes.”
ShegaveAugustalook.Onethatsuggestedhewastrulyinthedark—andhedidn’tlikethat.Didn’tlikethepossibilitythat
hewaswrongaboutthiswoman.Mainlybecauseitwastoolatetochangehisactionsnow.He’dalwayshavetowonderwhatthe
hellhecouldhavedonedifferentlyaboutNatalieVos.Butatleasthecouldwalkawayfromthisphaseofhislifeknowing
hedidhisbestforSam.That’sallhehad.

“Didyoueverwanttogettoknowme?Orwasitjust…”Herattentiondroppedfleetinglytohiszipper,thenaway,butitwasenoughtomakehimfeellikehewasbackinthatmiddleschoolpeprallytryingnottogetexcited.“Justaboutsex?”
Whatthehellwashesupposedtosay?
Thathe’dseenheracrosstheroomatthatstupidWineDowneventandfeltlikehe’dhadanarrowshotintohischestbya
flyingbaby?Thathispalmssweatbecauseofawomanforthefirsttimeeverthatnight?He’dalreadybeenonthatViennese
countrysideholdingapicnicbasketinonehand,anacousticguitarintheother.God,shewassobeautifulandinteresting
andfuckinghilarious.Wherehadshebeenallhislife?

Oh,butthensomehowitallwenttoshit.He’dlethispridegetinthewayof…what?Whatwouldhavehappenedifhe’d
justtakenherverbaldisapprovalofhiswineonthechinandmovedforward?Whatifhehadn’tequatedittodisapprovalof
hisbestfriend’saspirations?Wasthereanyusewonderingaboutanyofthisshitnow?

No.
He’drunoutofcapital.Thewinerywasanunmitigateddisaster.HewasthelaughingstockofSt.Helenaandhe’ddraggedhis
bestfriend’snamewithhimthroughthemud.

Timetogo,man.
“Oh,Natalie.”Heslappedahandoverhischest.“ObviouslyIwantedtotwirlyouaroundonamountaintopinViennawhile
ourchildrenfrolickedandharmonizedincurtainclothes.Didn’tyouknow?”

Sheblinkedafewtimesandherexpressionflattenedasshesteppedbackintothegrass.Augusthadtofisthishandstoprevent
himselffromreachingforher.

“Well,”shesaid,hervoicesoundingalittlerusty.Dammit.“HavealovelyeveningathomewithyourSoundofMusicreferencesandcozynestofwinerats.Ihopeyou’repayingthemalivingwage.”

“Itwon’tbemyhomemuchlonger.”Hethrewahandtowardtheeventthatwasstillinfullswingbehindthem,thejudgestaking
pictureswiththeaudiencemembers,morewinebeingservedonsilvertrays.“Thiscontestwasitforme.I’mmovingon.”

Shelaughedasifhewasjoking,soberingslightlywhenhejuststaredback.“Wow.Youreallycan’ttakealittleconstructive
criticism,canyou?”

Augustscoffed.“Isthatwhatitwas?Constructive?”
“IthoughtSEALsweresupposedtobetough.You’relettingwinemakingtakeyoudown?”
“Idon’thaveabottomlessbankaccountlikesomepeopleinthistown.Incaseitwasn’tclear,I’mtalkingaboutyou.”
Forsomereason,thatmadeherlaugh.Abeatofsilencepassed,then,“You’vegotmeallfiguredout,August.Congratulations.”
Sheturnedonthetoeofherhighheelandbreezedaway,movingthatleatherskirtsidetosideintheworld’scruelestparting
shot.“Mysincerecondolencestothetownwhereyouendupnext,”shecalledbackoverhershoulder.“Especiallytothewomen.”

“Youwouldn’tbesayingthatifyoudroppedthedisgustedactandcamehomewithme.”Forsomereason,everystepshetook
intheoppositedirectionmadehisstomachlurchwithmoreandmoreseverity.“It’snottoolate,Natalie.”

Shestoppedwalkingandheheldhisbreath,notfullyawareuntilthisverymomenthowbadlyheactuallywantedher.Maybeevenneeded.Thecontinuedflowofhisbloodseemedtohingeonherresponse.“You’reright,it’snottoolate,”shesaid,turning,chewingherlip,eyesvulnerableinamannerthatstuckaswallowinhisthroat.I’llneverbemeantoheragain.“It’swaytoolate,”sheconcludedwithapinkiewave,herexpressiongoingfromdefenselesstovenomous.“Gotohell,AugustCates.”

Hisstomachbottomedout,leavinghimalmosttoowindedforareply.“Hell,huh?Youroldstompinggrounds,right?”
“Yup!”Shedidn’tevenbotherturningaround.“That’swhereImetyourmom.Shesaidshe’dratherliveinhellthandrink
yourwine.”

Acrankturnedinhisribcageasshemovedoutofearshot.Toofartohearhimovertheeventmusicthathadstartedup.
Definitelytoofartotouch,sowhywerehisfingersitchingforherskin?HischanceswithNatalieweresubzeronow.Just
likehischanceatsucceedingasavintner.Withafinallonglookattheonewhogotaway,Augustcursed,climbedintohis
truck,andtoreoutoftheparkinglot,ignoringthestrongsenseofleavingsomethingundone.
ChapterTwo
Nataliesearchedblindlyinthedarkforthebuttononhersoundmachine,crankingthesymphonyofrainandbullfrogstothe
maximumlevel.JulianandHallietriedtobequiet.Theyreallydid.Butspringsonlycreakatfouro’clockinthemorning
foronereason—andcreaktheydid.Nataliecoveredherfacewithapillowfor
Montgomery,Juneau,Phoenix…
Creakcreakcreak
Thatwasit.
Nataliesatupinbedandpushedoffhersleepmask,givingthewinedizzinessamomenttodissipate.Nomoreexcuses.It
wastimetobitethebulletandgotalktohermother.ItwastimetogetthehelloutofNapa.She’dbeenlickingherwounds
fartoolong,andwhileshewashappybeyondwordsforJuliantohavefoundtheloveofhislife,shedidn’tneedtowitness
itinsurroundsound.

Shethrewoffthecoversandstood,herhipbumpingintothenightstandandknockingoveranemptywineglass.Oneoffour—asifsheneededanothersignthatshe’dturnedintoalushinthenameofavoidingherproblems.

Lifehadgroundtoastandstill.
Lookingoutthewindowofthebackbedroom,shecouldseethemainhousewhereshe’dgrownupandCorinne,hermother,currently
lived.Thatwasherdestinationinthemorning.Askinghermotherformoneywasgoingtostinglikeathousandwasps,but
whatchoicedidshehave?IfshewasgoingtoreturntoNewYorkandopenherowninvestmentfirm,sheneededcapital.

Hermotherwasn’tgoingtomakeiteasy.No,shewasprobablywaitingrightnowinfrontofaroaringfire,dressedinall
herfinery,havingsensedNataliewasonthevergeofhumblingherself.Sure,they’dhadafewsoftermomentssinceNatalie’s
returntoSt.Helena,butjustunderthesurface,she’dalwaysbeTheEmbarrassmenttoCorinne.

Natalietossedhereyemaskinthedirectionofthesad,emptywineglassquartetandploddedintotheensuitebathroom.Might
aswellgetthetalkoverwithearly,right?ThatwayifCorinnesaidnotoNatalie’sproposal,atleastshe’dhavethewhole
daytowallow.AndthiswasNapa,sowallowingcouldbemadeveryfashionable.She’dfindawinetastingandcharmeveryone
inattendance.Peoplewhohadnoideashe’dbeenaskedtostepdownasapartnerofherfinancefirmforawildlymassive
tradeblunderthatcost,oh,acoolbillion.

Norwouldtheyknowshe’dbeenkickedtothecurbbyherfiancé,whowastooembarrassedtomeetheratthealtar.
BackinNewYork?Pariah.
InSt.Helena?Royalty.
Snort.Natalieshedhersleepshirtandsteppedbeneaththehotshowerspray.Andifshethoughtherbrotherdoingthedeedconstitutedanunwantedimage,ithadnothingonthememoryofAugustCatesyesterdayafternooninallhisbeefcakeglory.
Idon’thaveabottomlessbankaccountlikesomepeopleinthistown.
Ifonly.
Nataliedidn’thaveanythingtocomplainabout.Shewaslivinginabeautifulguesthouseonthegroundsofavineyard,for
God’ssake.Butshe’dbeenlivingoffhersavingsforoveramonthnowandshecouldn’topenalemonadestand,letalonelaunch
afirm,withtheamountleftover.Shehadprivilege,butfinancialfreedompresentedachallenge.Oneshecouldhopefully
overcomethismorning.Allitwouldcostwasherpride.

ThefactthatAugustCatesplannedtoleaveSt.Helenaimminentlyhadnothingtodowithhersuddenurgencytoleave,too.
Nothingwhatsoever.Thatbig,incompetentbuffoonandhisdecisionshadnobearingonherlife.Sowhythepitinherstomach?
Ithadbeentheresinceheapproachedthetabletohavehiswinejudgedyesterday.ThemanhadachipthesizeofDenveron
hisshoulder,buthealwayshadkindofa…softnessinhiseyes.Arelaxed,observantqualitythatsaidI’veseeneverything.Icanhandleanything.
Butitwasmissingyesterday.
AnditcaughtNatalieoffguardhowmuchitthrewher.
He’dlookedresigned.Closedoff.
Now,dryingherhairinfrontofthefoggybathroommirror,shecouldn’tpretendthatholeinherbellywasn’tyawningwider.
WherewouldAugustgo?Whatwouldhedonowthatwinemakingwasoffthetable?

WhowasAugustCates?

Partofher—apartshewouldneveradmittooutloud—hadalwayswonderedifshewouldfindouteventually.Inaweakmoment.
Orbyaccident.

Hadshebeenlookingforwardtothat?
Natalieturnedoffthedryerwithasnappymovement,ranthebrushonefinaltimethroughherlong,blackhair,andleftthe
bathroom,crossingtohercloset.Sheputonasleevelessblacksweaterdressandleatherloafers,addedaswipeofnudelipstick
andsomegoldearrings.Bythetimeshewasfinished,shecouldseethroughtheguestroomwindowthatlightswereoninthe
mainhouseandshetookalongbreath,banishingthejitters.

AllCorinnecouldsaywasno,Natalieremindedherselfonthewayupthepaththatranalongsidethefragrantvineyard.The
sunhadn’trisenyet,butthebarestrimofgoldoutlinedMountSt.Helena.Shecouldalmostfeelthegrapeswakingupand
turningtowardthepromiseofwarmthfromabove.Partofhertrulylovedthisplace.Itwasimpossiblenotto.Thesmellof
fertileearth,thetradition,themagic,theintricateprocess.Thousandsofyearsago,someindustrious—andprobablybored—people
hadburiedbottlesofgrapejuiceundergroundforthewinterandinventedwine,whichprovedNatalie’stheory:wherethere
isawilltogetdrunk,dammit,thereisaway.

Shepausedatthebottomoftheporchstepsleadingtotheestate.Old-worldcharmoozedfromeveryinchofherchildhoodhome.Greeneryspilledoverflowerboxesbeneatheverywindow,rockingchairsurgedpeopletositandrelax,andthetrickleofthepool’swaterfeaturecouldbeheardfromthefrontofthehouse,eventhoughitwaslocatedbehind.Agorgeousestatethatneverfailedtomakewineryvisitorsswoon.Theplacewasincredible.Butshehadmoreaffectionfortheguesthousethanthemanorwhereshe’dlivedfrombirthtocollege.Andrightnow,allitrepresentedwastheobstacleahead.
Amomentlater,sheknockedonthedoorandheardthesoundoffootstepsapproachingontheotherside.Thepeepholedarkened,
thelockturned—andthenshewaslookingatCorinne.

“Seriously?”Nataliesighed,givingherstatelymotheraonce-over,takinginthesmoothedblack-grayhairandperfectposture.
Evenherwrinkleswereartful,allowedontoherfacebyinvitationonly.“You’refullydressedatfiveo’clockinthemorning?”

“Icouldsaythesameaboutyou,”Corinnerepliedwithoutmissingabeat.
“True,”Nataliesaid,slidingintothehousewithoutaninvitation.“ButIdon’tlivehere.Doyouevenownabathrobe?”
“Didyoucomeheretodiscusssleepwear?”
“Nope.Humorme.”
Corinneclosedthedoorfirmly,thenlockedit.“OfcourseIownarobe.Normally,Iwouldbewearingituntilatleastseven,
butIhavevirtualmeetingsthismorning.”Inanuncharacteristicmove,hermotherletasmilepeekthroughbeforeitwas
quicklyquelled.“YourbrotherhasnegotiatedadealmakingustheofficialwineofseveralweddingvenuesdowntheCalifornia
coast.Heisreallyhelpingturnthingsaroundforus.”

“Yeah,heis.”Nataliecouldn’thelpbutfeelasparkofprideinherbrother.Afterall,he’dovercomehisownbaggagepertaining
tothisplaceandlandedontheothersidemuchbetteroff.Atthesametime,however,Nataliecouldn’tignorethewistfulness
driftingthroughherbreast.God,justonce,she’dlovesomeonetotalkaboutherlikeCorinnespokeaboutJulian.Likeshe
wasvital.Valued.Wantedandneeded.“It’shardtotellhimnowhenhe’sspeakinginhissternprofessorvoice.Takespeoplerightbacktoseventhgrade.”
“Whateverhe’sdoing,it’sworking.”Corinnesquaredhershouldersandcamefartherintothefoyer,gesturingforNatalie
toprecedeherintothelivingspaceandtotheright,overlookingtheramblingvineyard,themountainsbeyond.Theytook
seatsonoppositeendsofthehardcouchthathadbeentheresinceNatalie’schildhoodandalmostneverused.Vosesdidn’t
gather
Theykeptmoving.
Sointheinterestoffamilytradition,NatalieturnedtowardCorinneandfoldedherhandsononeknee.“Mother.”Ifshe’d
learnedonethingfromphaseoneinthefinanceindustry,itwastolookapersonintheeyewhenaskingformoney,andshe
didsonow.“Iknowyouwillagree—it’stimeformetogobacktoNewYork.I’vebeenincontactwithClaudia,oneofmyprevious
analysts,andshe’sagreedtocomeonboardwithmynewcompany.We’regoingtobesmall,moreofaboutiquefirm,butboth
ofushaveenoughconnectionstofacilitatesteadygrowth.Withacoupleofsmartplays—”

“Wow.”Corinneframedherjawwithathumbandindexfinger.“You’vebeenmakingimportantphonecallsinbetweenwinebinges.
Ihadnoidea.”

Clang.Adinginthearmor.
Okay.
She’dexpectedthatandwaspreparedforit.Justkeepgoing.
Nataliekeptherfeaturescomposedinanattempttodisguisehowfastherheartwasnowbeating.Whywasitthatshecouldmakemillion-dollartradeswithoutherpulseskipping,butonebarbfromCorinneandshemightaswellbedanglingfromthesideofaskyscraperbyapinkie,coldsweatbreakingoutbeneathherdress?Parents.Man,theymesseduptheirkids.

“Yes,Ihavebeenmakingcalls,”Natalierepliedcalmly.Shedidn’tdenythewinebinges,because,yeah.She’ddefinitely
donethat.“Claudiaisworkingonliningupaninvestorrightnow,butbeforeanyoneintheirrightmindgivesusmoney,we’ll
needtoregisteranewbusinessname.Weneedanofficeandsomeskinintheinvestmentgame,howeverlight.”Shetriednot
tobeobviousabouttakingabracingbreath.“Bottomline,Ineedcapital.”

Noteventheslightestreactionfromhermother.She’dseenthiscominganditburned,eventhoughthey’dbothbeenaware
thistalkwasonthehorizon.

“Surelyyousavedsomemoney,”Corinnesaidsmoothly,agray-blackeyebrowliftinggracefullytowardherhairline.“Youwereapartnerinavery
lucrativeinvestmentfund.”

“Yes.Iwas.Unfortunately,thereisacertainlifestylethathastobemaintainedforpeopletotrustfinancierswiththeir
money.”

“Thatisafancywayofsayingyoulivedaboveyourmeans.”
“Perhaps.Yes.”Ohboy,keepingherirritationatbaywasgoingtobeevenharderthanshethought.Corinnehadcomelocked
andloadedforthisconversation.“Theexcessisnecessary,however.Partiesanddesignerclothingandvacationsandexpensive
roundsofgolfwithclients.MorrisonandIhadanapartmentonParkAvenue.Nottomention,we’dputdownanonrefundable
depositonourweddingvenue.”

Thatlastpartburned.Ofcourseitdid.
She’dbeenoffloadedbyamanwhoclaimedtoloveher.
Butforsomereason,Morrison’sfacedidn’tmaterialize.No,insteadshesawAugust.Wonderedwhathewouldsayaboutasix-figuredepositonTribecaRooftop.Hewouldlooksooutofplaceamongtheweddingguests.He’dprobablyshowupinjeans,aballcap,andthatfadedgraynavyT-shirt.Hewouldcrushherexinanarm-wrestlingmatch,too.Whydidthatmakeherfeelbetterenoughtocontinue?
“Inshort,yes,Idohavesomemoney.IfIwassimplygoingbacktoNewYork,Icouldaffordtofindanapartmentandlive
comfortablyforafewmonths.ButthatisnotwhatIwanttodo.”Thekickofadrenalineinherbloodstreamfeltgood.It
hadbeenalongtime.Ormaybewhilegettinglittomournthelossofeverything
“Youwanttorubitintheirfaces,”Corinnesupplied.
“Maybealittle,”Natalieadmitted.“Imighthavemadeonehugemistake,butIknowifMorrisonTalbotthethirdhadmade
thatbadcall,insteadofme,excuseswouldhavebeenmade.Heprobablywouldhavebeengivenapromotionforbeingarisk
taker.Theymetinsecretandvotedtooustme.Mypartners.Myfiancé.”Sheclosedhereyesbrieflytobeatbackthememoryofhershock.Betrayal.“Ifyouwereme,Mother,youwouldwantashot
togobackandproveyourself.”

Corinnestaredatherforseveralbeats.“PerhapsIwould.”
Nataliereleasedabreath.
“Unfortunately,Idon’thavethemoneytoloanyou,”Corinnecontinued,herfacedeepeningeversoslightlywithcolor.“Asyouareaware,thevineyardhasbeendeclininginprofitability.Withyourbrother’sunexpectedhelp,we’returningitaround,butitcouldbeyearsbeforewe’rebackintheblack.AllIhaveisthishouse,Natalie.”
“Mytrustfund,”Nataliesaidfirmly,forcingitoutintotheopen.“I’maskingformytrustfundtobereleased.”
“My,timeshavechanged,”Corinnesaidwithalaugh.“WhenyougraduatedfromCornell,whatwasitthatyousaidatyourpost-ceremony
dinner?Youwouldnevertakeadimefromusaslongasyoulived?”

“I’mthirtyyearsoldnow.Pleasedon’tthrowsomethinginmyfacethatIsaidwhenIwastwenty-two.”
Corinnesighed,refoldedherhandsinherlap.“Youarewellawareofthetermsofyourtrustfund,Natalie.Yourfathermight
beracingcarsinItalyandparadingaroundwithwomenhalfhisagelikeafool,buthesetforththelanguageofthetrust
andasfarasthebankisconcerned,he’sstillincontrol.”

Natalielungedtoherfeet.“Thelanguageinthatcontractisarchaic.Howcanitevenbelegalinthisdayandage?There
hastobesomethingyoucando.”

Hermotherletabreathseepout.“Naturally,Iagreewithyou.Butyourfatherwouldhavetosignoffonthechange.”
“Iamnotgoinggrovelingtothatman.Notafterhejustblewusoffandpretendslikewedon’texist.Notwhenheleftyoutododamage
controlafterthefirefouryearsago.”

Corinne’sattentionshottothevineyard,whichwaslighteninginthepathofthesun.“Iwasn’tawareyoucared.”
“OfcourseIcare.Youaskedmetoleave.”

“Imostcertainlydidnot,”hermotherscoffed.
Really.Shedidn’tevenremember?Nataliewoulddigestthatlater.Gettingintothesemanticsofthelasttimeshe’dbeeninSt.Helenawouldn’tdohercauseanygoodnow.“We’llhavetoagreetodisagreeonthat.”
Corinneappearedpoisedtoargue,butvisiblychangedcourse.“Myhandsaretied,Natalie.Thetermsofthetrustareset
instone.Therecipientmustbegainfullyemployedandmarriedforthemoneytobereleased.IrealizethatsoundslikesomethingoutofRegencyEngland,notmodern-dayCalifornia,
butyourfatherisold-schoolItalian.Hisparents’marriagewasarranged.It’sglamoroustohim.It’stradition.”

“It’ssexist.”
“NormallyIwouldagree,butthetermsofJulian’strustarethesame.Whenthecontractwassetforth,yourfatherhadsome
grandvisioninhismind.YouandJulianwithyourflourishingfamiliestakingoverthewinery.Grandchildreneverywhere.
Success.”Shemadeanabsentgesture.“Whenyoubothleftwithoutanyintentionofjoiningthefamilybusiness,itbrokesomething
insideofhim.Thefirewasthefinalstraw.I’mnotmakingexcusesforhim,I’mjusttryingtogiveyouadifferentperspective.”

Natalieloweredherselfbackdowntothecouchandimploredhermotherwithalook.“Please,therehastobesomethingwe
cando.Ican’tstayhereforever.”

“Oh,I’msosorrythatstayinginyourfamilyhomefeelslikeexile.”
“YoutrywakingupeverymorningtothesoundofJulianandHallietryingandfailingtostifletheirsexnoisesdownthe
hall.”

“JesusChrist.”
“Theycallforhim,too,sometimeswhentheythinkI’mnothome.”
Withawitheringeyeroll,Corinnepushedtoherfeetandstrodetothefrontwindow.“Youwouldthinkyourfather’shastydeparturewouldbruisetheloyaltyofhislocalfriendsandassociates,butIassureyou,ithasnot.Theystillhavehimuponapedestal—andthatincludesIngramMeyer.”
“Who?”
“IngramMeyer,anoldfriendofyourfather’s.He’stheloanofficerattheSt.HelenaCreditUnion,butmoreimportantly,
he’sthetrusteeofyoursandJulian’strustfunds.Believeme,hewillfollowyourfather’sinstructionstotheletter.”

Natalie’sjawhadtobetouchingthefloor.“SomemanI’veneverheardof—ormet—holdsmyfutureinhishands?”
“I’msorry,Natalie.Thebottomlineisthat…shortofconvincingyourfathertoamendtheterms,thereisnothingI
cando.”

“Iwouldn’taskyoutodothat,”Nataliesighed.“Notafterhowheleft.”
Corinnewassilentamoment.“Thankyou.”
Thatwasit.Theendoftheconversation.Therewasnothingmoretobesaid.Currently,Nataliewasthefurthestthingfrom
gainfullyemployed.Andevenfurtherfrombeingmarried.Thepatriarchywinsagain.She’dhavetoreturntoNewYorkwith
hertailbetweenherlegsandaskforalow-levelpositionatoneofthefirmssheoncecalledrivals.Theywouldeatupher
humilitywithaspoonandshe’d…takeitonthechin.Pullingtogetherenoughmoneytoopenherownbusinesswouldprobably
takeadecade,becauseGodknewnobodywouldinvestinherafterabillion-dollarmistake.Butshewoulddoit.She’ddoit
onherown.

“Okay.”Resigned,hollow,Nataliestoodonshakylegsandsmoothedtheskirtofherdress.“Goodluckwithyourmeetingsthis
morning.”

CorinnesaidnothingasNatalieleftthehouse,closingthedoorbehindheranddescendingthestepswithherchinup.Thismorning,shewouldheadintotown,getherhairandnailsdone.Attheveryleast,shecouldlookgoodwhenshelandedbackinNewYork,right?
Buteverythingchangedonthewaytogetthatbalayage—andlikesomeweirdnurseryrhymefromhell,itinvolvedacat,arat…
andaSEAL.
ByTessaBailey
SecretlyYours
BellingerSisters
ItHappenedOneSummer
Hook,Line,andSinker
Hot&Hammered
FixHerUp
LoveHerorLoseHer
ToolsofEngagement
TheAcademy
DisorderlyConduct
IndecentExposure
DisturbingHisPeace
BrokeandBeautiful
ChaseMe
NeedMe
MakeMe
RomancingtheClarksons
TooHottoHandle
TooWildtoTame
TooHardtoForget
TooClosetoCall(novella)

TooBeautifultoBreak
MadeinJersey
CrashedOut
RoughRhythm(novella)

ThrownDown
WorkedUp
WoundTight
CrossingtheLine
RiskierBusiness(novella)

RiskingItAll
UpinSmoke
BoilingPoint
RawRedemption
LineofDuty
ProtectingWhat’sHis
ProtectingWhat’sTheirs(novella)

HisRisktoTake
OfficerOffLimits
AskingforTrouble
StakingHisClaim
Serve
OwnedbyFate
ExposedbyFate
DrivenbyFate
BeachKingdom
MouthtoMouth
HeatStroke
SinkorSwim
StandaloneBooks
Unfixable
BaitingtheMaidofHonor
OffBase(withSophieJordan)

Captivated(withEveDangerfield)

GetawayGirl
RunawayGirlCopyright
Thisisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,places,andincidentsareproductsoftheauthor’simaginationorareusedfictitiously
andarenottobeconstruedasreal.Anyresemblancetoactualevents,locales,organizations,orpersons,livingordead,
isentirelycoincidental.