We Begin at the End (Chris Whitaker)

Contents
TitlePage
PraiseforWeBeginattheEnd
AlsobyChrisWhitaker
Dedication
Youseesomething…
PartOne:TheOutlaw
Chapter1
Chapter2
Chapter3
Chapter4
Chapter5
Chapter6
Chapter7
Chapter8
Chapter9
Chapter10
PartTwo:BigSky
Chapter11
Chapter12
Chapter13
Chapter14
Chapter15
Chapter16
Chapter17
Chapter18
Chapter19
Chapter20
Chapter21
Chapter22
Chapter23
Chapter24
Chapter25
Chapter26
Chapter27
PartThree:Restitution
Chapter28
Chapter29
Chapter30
Chapter31
Chapter32
Chapter33
Chapter34
Chapter35
Chapter36
Chapter37
Chapter38
Chapter39
Chapter40
Chapter41
Chapter42
Chapter43
Chapter44
Chapter45
PartFour:Heartbreaker
Chapter46
Chapter47
Chapter48
Chapter49
Acknowledgments
WeBeginattheEndReadingGroupQuestions
KeepReading…
Copyright
Praisefor
WeBeginattheEnd
‘WeBeginattheEndissurelydestinedtoconquertheworld.Thisintenselycaptivatingstoryanditsuniquelyintriguingcharactersholdsyouinitsjawstilltheverylastword.Astonishinglygood’
RUTHJONES
‘IloveDuchessDayRadleysomuchIwanttoadopther.Sheiseverythirteen-year-oldgirlatrisk,anoutlawbothpureofheartandillofintent,afierceandmelancholygirl,somemorableshewillmakecampinyourbrainandneverleave.InWeBeginattheEnd,ChrisWhitakerhaswrittenagorgeous,crystallinenovel,acautionarytaleaboutthelongshadowscastbyourpastselves,andonedefiantgirlwiththebraverytohopeforsomethingbetter.Ilovethisbeautifulbook’
JEANINECUMMINS,AUTHOROFAMERICANDIRT
‘Richwithcharacterandstory,conflictandtension,humor,tragedyandraw,unadulteratedguts,thisonehasitall.ThrowinthemostcompellingyoungprotagonistI’vereadinatleastadecade,andyouhaveadeepandmeaningfulstorythatisanabsolutedelightfromfirstpagetolast.Nicelydone,Mr.Whitaker!’
JOHNHART
‘Anexceptionallybeautifulandaccomplishedcrimenovel.Ifellheadoverheelsintoitsbigblackheartandwillcarrythecharacterswithmeforalongtimetocomeyet.DuchessandThomasNobleforever’
ALILAND
‘ChrisWhitakertakescrimewritingtonewlevelsinthisevocativeandlyricalnovel,whichisnotonlybeautifullywrittenbutcleverlyplotted,withaclimaxyou’llneverguess’
MARKEDWARDS
‘Stunning,intoxicating,heart-breaking–withoutadoubtoneofmyfavouritebooksoftheyear.Acompellingstory,beautifullydrawncharactersandwritingthatleapsoffthepage:WeBeginattheEndisinaclassofitsown’
T.M.LOGAN
‘Ifeverthereisabookthatdeservesalltheprizes,thisisit.Solayeredandnuanced,andbrimmingwithcharacterssofullofdepththeybreatheonthepage…Adamnnearperfectcrimenovel’
FIONACUMMINS
‘WeBeginattheEndisthemostbeautifullywrittenbookIhavereadthisyear…withcharactersthatwilltugatyourheartstrings,anincrediblesenseofplaceandacleverlyplottedmystery,ChrisWhitakerisprovinghimselftobeoneofthemosttalentedwritersaround’
LISAHALL
‘ChrisWhitakerexcelsinmuscularsmall-townAmericanNoir…Thestoryunwindstoapeakoftensionandendswithaseriesofrevelationsthathitlikeaflurryofpunchestothegut.Asenseoftragedyinfusesthestoryandthis,morethananything,makesitoneoftheyear’sbestcrimereads’
VASEEMKHAN
‘Idon’tknowwheretobegin–thetotalsatisfactionoftheplot,theabsorbingstory,thecastofunbelievablyincrediblecharacters,thesheertasteofAmericaonthepage…It’sanabsolutemasterclassincrimewritingandstory-telling’
JOSPAIN
‘WeBeginAtTheEndisasperfectanovelasyou’llreadallyear.Devastatingandhopefulinequalmeasure,withpitch-perfectcharactersyou’llrootforateachjaw-droppingturn’
CAZFREAR
‘Whatanovel!Sucharemarkableachievement.Sowonderfulinsomanyways,withwritingthatisBookerPrizegood’
DEBORAHO’CONNOR
‘Breathtaking,heart-wrenching,heart-warmingandlaugh-out-loudfunny,WeBeginAtTheEndissimplyastonishing.EasilythebestbookI’vereadthisyear’
M.W.CRAVEN,CWAGOLDDAGGERWINNER
‘Anabsolutebelterofabook.Superb,heart-breaking,astoundingandgripping.ChrisWhitakerhastotallynailedit’
GYTHALODGE
‘Asensationalbook.Addictive,beautifullywrittenandimmersive.Somanylayers.Somanyfascinatingcharacters.ChrisWhitakerisanimmenselytalentedwriter’
WILLDEAN
‘Gasp-enduringdramaandlaugh-out-loudhumour,DuchessDayRadleyisnowmyfavouritecharacterinfictionbyfar’
TOMWOOD
‘Sometimesabookfindsitswaytoyouwhenyouneeditmostandteachesyoualessonyoudidn’tevenknowneededteaching.WeBeginattheEndisoneofthosebooks,andittrulyisamasterpiece’
ISABELLEBROOM
‘Astoundinglybeautiful.NootherwritercanpullyouinquitesowellasChrisWhitaker.Thewritingispureandsharp,thecharactersperfectlydrawn,thestoryunforgettable’
REBECCATINNELLY
ALSOBYCHRISWHITAKER
TallOaks
AllTheWickedGirls
Formyreaders,whohavecomewithmetoTallOaks,GraceandnowCapeHaven.WhenI’mstruggling,youkeepmestriving.
YOUSEESOMETHINGANDYOUraiseyourhand.
Doesn’tmatterifit’sacigarettepaperorasodacan.Youseesomethingandyouraiseyourhand.
Don’ttouchit,neither.
Justraiseyourhand.
Thetownspeoplereadied,theirfeetintheford.Movementinline,twentypacesbetween,ahundredeyesdown,butstill,theyheldtogether,thechoreographyofthedamned.
Behind,thetownemptied,theechoofalong,pristinesummerhadbeensmotheredbythenews.
ShewasSissyRadley.Sevenyearsold.Blondhair.Knowntomost,ChiefDuboisdidnotneedtohandoutphotographs.
Walkheldthefurthestside.Fifteenandfearless,hiskneesshookwitheachstep.
Theymarchedthewoodlandlikeanarmy,copsled,flashlightsswept,throughthetreeswastheocean,alongwaydownbutthegirlcouldnotswim.
BesideWalkwasMarthaMay.Theyhaddatedthreemonths,confinedtofirstbase,herfatherwasministeratLittleBrookEpiscopal.
Sheglancedover.“Stillwanttobeacop?”
WalkstaredatDubois,headdown,lasthopeonhisshoulders.
“IsawStar,”Marthasaid.“Atthefrontwithherfather.Shewascrying.”
StarRadley,themissinggirl’ssister.Martha’sbestfriend.Theywereatightgroup.Onlyonewasabsent.
“Where’sVincent?”sheasked.
“Iwaswithhimbefore.Hemightbeontheotherside.”
WalkandVincentwerecloselikebrothers.Atninethey’dcutpalms,pressedthemtogetherandswornoathsofclasslessloyalty.
Theysaidnothingmore,justwatchedtheground,pastSunsetRoad,pastthewishingtree,ChuckTaylorspartingleaves.Walkfocusedsohardbutstill,healmostmissedit.
TenstepsfromCabrillo,StateRouteOne,sixhundredmilesofCaliforniacoast.Hestoppeddead,thenlookedupandsawthelinemoveonwithouthim.
Hecrouched.
Theshoewassmall.Redandwhiteleather.Gold-tonebuckle.
Acaronthehighwayslowedasitcame,headlightstracedthecurvetilltheyfoundhim.
Andthenhesawher.
Hetookabreathandraisedhishand.
PartOne
TheOutlaw
1
WALKSTOODATTHEEDGEofafeverishcrowd,somehe’dknownsincehisbirth,somesincetheirs.Vacationerswithcameras,sunburnandeasysmiles,notknowingthewaterwasstrippingmorethantimber.
Localnewssetup,areporterfromKCNR.“Canwegetaword,ChiefWalker?”
Hesmiled,shovedhishandsdeepinhispocketsandlookedtothreadhiswaythroughwhenthepeoplegasped.
Fragmentednoiseastheroofcavedandcrashedtothewaterbelow.Piecebypiece,thefoundationlaycrudeandskeletal,likethehomewasnomorethanahouse.IthadbeentheFairlawnplacesinceWalkcouldremember,ahalf-acrefromtheoceanwhenhewasakid.Tapedoffayearback,thecliffwaseroding,nowandthenthepeoplefromCaliforniaWildcameandmeasuredandestimated.
Thestirofcamerasandindecentexcitementasslatesrainedandthefrontporchclung.Milton,thebutcher,droppedtoonekneeandfiredoffamoneyshotastheflagpoleleanedandthebannerhunginthebreeze.
TheyoungerTallowboygottooclose.Hismotherpulledhiscollarsohardhetumbledbackontohisass.
Behind,thesunfellwiththebuilding,dissectingthewaterwithcutsoforangeandpurpleandshadeswithoutname.Thereportergotherpiece,seeingoffapatchofhistorysoslightitbarelycounted.
WalkglancedaroundandsawDickieDarke,wholookedon,impassive.Hestoodlikeagiant,closetosevenfeettall.Amanintorealestate,heownedseveralhousesinCapeHavenandaclubonCabrillo,thekindofdenwhereiniquitycosttenbucksandasmallchunkofvirtue.
Theystoodanotherhour,Walk’slegstiredastheporchfinallygaveup.Onlookersresistedtheurgetoapplaud,thenturnedandmadetheirwayback,tobarbequeandbeerandfirepitsthatwavedflamelightonWalk’seveningpatrol.Theydriftedacrossflagstone,alineofgraywall,drylaidbutholdingstrong.Behindwasthewishingtree,amajoroaksowidesplintshelditslimbs.TheoldCapeHavendidallitcouldtoremain.
WalkhadonceclimbedthattreewithVincentKing,inatimesofarfromnowittoowouldbarelycount.Herestedashakinghandonhisgun,theotheronhisbelt.Heworeatie,hiscollarstiff,hisshoesshined.Hisacceptanceofplacewasadmiredbysome,pitiedbyothers.Walker,captainofashipthatdidnoteverleaveport.
Hecaughtsightofthegirl,movingagainstthecrowd,herbrother’shandinhersashestruggledtomatchherpace.
DuchessandRobin,theRadleychildren.
Hemetthemathalfrunbecauseheknewalltherewastoknowaboutthem.
Theboywasfiveandcriedsilenttears,thegirlhadjustturnedthirteenanddidnotevercry.
“Yourmother,”hesaid,notaquestionbutastatementofsuchtragicfactthegirldidnotevennod,justturnedandled.
Theymovedthroughduskstreets,thelullofpicketfencesandfairylights.Abovethemoonrose,guidedandmocked,asithadforthirtyyears.Pastgrandhouses,glassandsteelthatfoughtthenature,avistaofsuchterriblebeauty.
DownGenesee,whereWalkstilllivedinhisparents’oldhouse.OntoIvyRanchRoad,wheretheRadleyhomecametoview.Peelingshutters,anupturnedbike,thewheellyingbeside.InCapeHavenashadebeneathperfectmightaswellhavebeenblack.
Walkbrokefromthechildrenandranupthepath,nolightsfrominsidebuttheflutteroftelevision.Behind,hesawRobinstillcryingandDuchessstilllookingon,hardandunforgiving.
HefoundStaronthecouch,abottlebeside,nopillsthistime,oneshoeonandtheotherfootbare,smalltoes,paintednails.
“Star.”Hekneltandpattedhercheek.“Star,wakeupnow.”Hespokecalmlybecausethechildrenwereatthedoor;Duchess,anarmonherbrotherasheleanedsoheavyintoher,likehenolongerheldbonesinhissmallbody.
Hetoldthegirltodial911.
“Ialreadyhave.”
HethumbedopenStar’seyesandsawnothingbutwhite.
“Willshebealright?”Theboy’svoice.
Walkglancedover,hopingforsirens,squintingatfiredsky.
“Couldyougolookoutforthem?”
DuchessreadhimandtookRobinoutside.
Starshookthen,pukedalittleandshook,likeGodorDeathhadholdofhersoulandwaswrenchingitfree.Walkhadgivenittime,threedecadeshadpassedsinceSissyRadleyandVincentKingbutstillStarslurredabouteternalism,thepastandthepresentcolliding,theforcespinningthefutureoff,nevertoberighted.
Duchessrodewithhermother.WalkwouldbringRobin.
Shelookedonasthemedicworked.Hedidnottryasmileandforthatshewasgrateful.Hewasbaldingandsweatingandmaybetiringofsavingthosesodeterminedtodie.
Forawhiletheystayedinfrontofthehouse,thedoorfallingopentoWalk,therelikealways,hishandonRobin’sshoulder.Robinneededthat,thecomfortofanadult,theperceptionofsafety.
Acrossthestreetdrapesmovedasshadowspassedsilentjudgment.Andthen,attheendoftheroad,shesawkidsfromherschool,pedalinghard,facesred.Newsmovedsofastinatownwherezoningoftenmadefrontpages.
Thetwoboysstoppednearthecruiserandlettheirbikesfall.Thetaller,breathless,asweepofhairplastereddownashewalkedslowtowardtheambulance.
“Isshedead?”
Duchessliftedherchin,methiseyeandheldit.“Fuckoff.”
Theenginerumbledasthedoorswungclosed.Smokedglassmadematteoftheworld.
Carssnakedtheturnstilltheytippedfromthehill,thePacificbehind,rocksbrokethesurfacelikeheadsofthedrowning.
Shewatchedherstreettilltheend,tilltreesreachedoverandmetonPensacola,brancheslikehands,linkedinprayerforthegirlandherbrother,andtheunfurlingtragedythatbeganlongbeforeeitherwasborn.
Nightmetothersjustlikeit,eachswallowingDuchesssototallysheknewshewouldnotseedayagain,notthewayotherkidssawit.ThehospitalwasVancourHillandDuchessknewittoowell.Whentheytookhermothershestoodonthepolishedfloor,lightmirroredup,hereyeonthedoorasWalkbroughtRobininside.Shewalkedoverandtookherbrother’shand,thenledhimtowardtheelevatorwheresherodetothesecondfloor.Thefamilyroom,lightsdimmed,shepushedtwochairstogether.AcrosswasasupplyroomandDuchesshelpedherselftosoftblanketsandthenmadethechairsintoacot.Robinstoodawkward,thetireddragginghim,hauntingdarkcircledhiseyes.
“Youneedtopee?”
Anod.
Sheledhimintothebathroom,waitedafewminutesthensawhewashedhishandswell.Shefoundtoothpaste,squeezedalittleontoherfingerandranitaroundhisteethandgums.Hespit,shedabbedhismouth.
Shehelpedhimoutofhisshoesandoverthearmsofthechairs,wherehesettledlikeakindofsmallanimalasshecoveredhimover.
Hiseyespeeredout.“Don’tleaveme.”
“Never.”
“WillMombeokay?”
“Yes.”
Shecutthetelevision,theroomdark,emergencylightinglefttheminred,softenoughthathesleptbythetimeshereachedthedoor.
Shestoodinclinicallight,herbacktothedoor;shewouldnotletanyoneinside,therewasanotherfamilyroomonthree.
AnhourandWalkappearedagainandyawnedliketherewascause.Duchessknewofhisdays,hedroveCabrilloHighway,thoseperfectmilesfromCapeHaventobeyond,eachblinkastillofsuchparadisepeoplecrossedthecountrytofindthem,buytheirhomesandleavethememptytenmonthsoftheyear.
“Isheasleep?”
Shenoddedonce.
“Iwenttocheckonyourmother,she’llbealright.”
Shenoddedagain.
“Youcangoandgrabsomething,asoda,there’samachinenextto—”
“Iknow.”
Alookbackintotheroomsawherbrothersleepingsoundly,hewouldnotmoveuntilshestirredhim.
Walkheldoutadollarbill,shetookitreluctantly.
Shewalkedthecorridors,boughtthesodaanddidn’tdrinkit,shewouldkeepitforRobinwhenhewoke.Shesawintocubicles,soundsofbirthandtearsandlife.Shesawshellsofpeople,soemptysheknewtheywouldnotrecover.Copsledbadmenwithtattooedarmsandbloodiedfaces.Shesmelledthedrunks,thebleach,thevomitandshit.
Shepassedanurse,asmilebecausemostofthemhadseenherbefore,justoneofthosekids,dealtalosinghand.
WhenshereturnedshefoundWalkhadsettwochairsbythedoor.Shecheckedonherbrotherthensat.
Walkofferedhergumandsheshookherhead.
Shecouldtellthathewantedtotalk,tobullshitaboutchange,aslickonthelongroad,howitwouldallbedifferent.
“Youdidn’tcall.”
Hewatchedher.
“Social.Youdidn’tcall.”
“Ishould.”Hesaiditsad,likehewaslettingdownherorthebadge,shedidnotknowwhich.
“Butyouwon’t.”
“Iwon’t.”
Hehadastomachthatstrainedhistanshirt.Thechubby,reddenedcheeksofaboywhoseindulgentparentsnevertoldhim“no.”Andafacesoopenshecouldnotimaginehecarriedasinglesecret.Starsaidhewasallgood,likethatwasathing.
“Youshouldgetsomesleep.”
Theysatlikethattillstarsleanedtofirstlight,themoonforgotitsplaceandheldlikeasmearonnewday,areminderofwhathadgone.Oppositewasawindow.Duchessstoodattheglassandpressedherheadtothetreesandthefallingwild.Birdsong.Alongwayandshesawwater,specksthatweretrawlerscrawlingthewaves.
Walkclearedhisthroat.“Yourmother…wasthereaman—”
“There’salwaysaman.Wheneveranythingfuckeduphappensintheworld,there’salwaysaman.”
“Darke?”
Sheheldstraight.
“Youcan’ttellme?”heasked.
“I’manoutlaw.”
“Right.”
Sheworeabowinherhairandfussedwithitoften.Shewastoothin,toopale,toobeautifullikehermother.
“There’sababyjustbeenborndownthere.”Walkchangeditup.
“Whatdidtheycallit?”
“Idon’tknow.”
“Fiftybuckssaysit’snotDuchess.”
Helaughedgently.“Exoticbyrarity.YouknowyouweregoingtobeEmily.”
“Soremustbethestorm.”
“Right.”
“ShestillreadsthatonetoRobin.”Duchesssat,crossedherleg,rubbedthemuscle,hersneakerlooseandworn.“Isthismystorm,Walk?”
Hesippedcoffee,likehewassearchingforananswertoanimpossiblequestion.“IlikeDuchess.”
“Youtryitawhile.IfIwasaboyImight’vebeenSue.”Shelayherheadbackandwatchedthestripsblink.“Shewantstodie.”
“Shedoesn’t.Youmustn’tthinkthat.”
“Ican’tdecideifsuicideisthemostselfishorselflessact.”
Atsixanurseledher.
Starlay,ashadowofaperson,evenlessofamother.
“TheDuchessofCapeHaven.”Star,hersmiletherebutweak.“It’salright.”
Duchesswatchedher,thenStarcriedandDuchesscrossedtheroom,pressedhercheektohermother’schestandwonderedhowherheartstillbeat.
Togethertheylayinamidthedawn,afreshdaybutnolightofpromisebecauseDuchessknewpromisewasafalsity.
“Iloveyou.I’msorry.”
TherewasmuchDuchesscouldsay,butforthemomentshecouldfindnothingmorethan,“Iloveyou.Iknow.”
2
ATTHECRESTOFTHEhillthelandfellaway.
SunclimbedceruleanskyasDuchess,ridinginthebackwithherbrotherbeside,tookhissmallhandinhers.
Walkeasedthecruiserdowntheirstreetandpulledupoutfrontoftheoldhouse,thenfollowedthemin.HetriedtofixbreakfastbutfoundthecupboardssobareheleftthemandrantoRosie’sDiner,thenreturnedwithpancakesandsmiledasRobinatethree.
Aftershe’dwashedRobin’sfaceandlaidouthisclothes,DuchesswentoutfrontandfoundWalksittingonthestep.ShewatchedtheCapebeginitsmodestwake,themailmanpassed,BrandonRockfromthehousebesidecameoutandhoseddownhislawn.ThattheydidnotgiveasecondlooktothecruiserparkedoutsidetheRadleyhomemadeDuchesssadandglad.
“CanIgiveyouaridein?”
“No.”Shesettledbesidehimandtiedherlace.
“Icancollectyourmom.”
“Shesaidshe’dcallDarke.”
Duchessdidnotknowthetruenatureofhermother’sfriendshipwithChiefWalker,thoughsheguessedhewantedtofuckher,liketheothermenintown.
Shelookedoutattheirtiredyard.Thelastsummershe’dsetaboutplantingwithhermother.Robinhadboughtasmallwateringcanandsoftenedthedirt,hischeekscoloredashemadetripaftertrip.Blue-eyes,Indianmallowandmountainlilac.
Theydiedofneglect.
“Didshesaywhatitwas?”Walksaiditgently.“Lastnight,youknowwhy?”
Itwasthekindofcruelquestionshewasnotusedtofromhim,because,mostly,therewasn’tanykindofreason.Butthistimesheknewwhyheasked,sheknewaboutVincentKing,aboutherauntSissywhowasburiedinthecemeterybytheedgeofthebluff.Everyoneknewhergrave,behindthesun-bleachedpicket,withthebabiesthathadn’tmadeit,thechildrencutdownbythesameGodtheirparentsprayedto.
“Shedidn’tsaynothing.”
BehindtheyheardRobin.Duchessstoodandfixedhishair,wipedtoothpastefromhischeekwithherspitandthencheckedhisschoolbag,thathehadhisreadingbookandjournal,hiswaterbottle.
Sheslidthestrapsoverhisshouldersandhesmiledandshesmiledback.
Theystoodsidebysideandwatchedthecruiserparethelongstreet,andthenDuchessslippedanarmaroundherbrotherandtheybegantowalk.
Theneighborcutthehoseandwalkedovertotheedgeofhisyard,slightlimphetriedhardtocorrect.BrandonRock.Broad,tan.Astudinoneear,featheredhair,silkrobe.Sometimeshebenchedwiththegaragedoorupandmetalblaringout.
“Yourmotheragain?Someoneshouldcallsocialservices.”Voicelikehisnosehadbeenbrokenbutneverfixed.Hecarriedadumbbellinonehandandcurleditnowandthen.Hisrightarmnoticeablybiggerthantheleft.
Duchessturnedtohim.
Breezeblew.Hisrobeparted.
Shewrinkledhernose.“Flashingakid.Ishouldcallthecops.”
BrandonstaredasRobinledheraway.
“DidyouseeWalk’shandsshaking?’Robinsaid.
“Alwaysworseinthemorning.”
“Why?”
Sheshruggedbutknew.Walkandhermother,theirsharedtroublesandthewaytheydealtwiththem.
“DidMomsayanything,lastnight,whenIwasinmyroom?”She’dbeendoingherhomework,herprojectonherfamilytree,whenRobinhammeredatthedoorandsaidMomwassickagain.
“Shehadherphotosout.Theoldones,withSissyandGrandpa.”Robinhadtakentotheideaofhavingagrandpathefirsttimehe’dseenthetallmanintheirmother’sphotographs.Thathe’dnevermethim,thatStarsaidnexttonothingabouthim,didnotseemtomatter.Robinneededpeople,thecushionofbarrennamesthatwouldkeephimfromfeelingsovulnerable.HelongedforcousinsandunclesandSundayfootballandbarbeque,liketheotherkidsinhisclass.
“DoyouknowaboutVincentKing?”
DuchesstookhishandastheycrossedontoFisher.“Why,whatdoyouknowabouthim?”
“ThathekilledAuntSissy.Thirtyyearsago.Intheseventies,whenmenhadmustachesandMomworeherhairfunny.”
“Sissywasn’touraunt,notreally.”
“Shewas,”hesaidsimply.“ShelookedlikeyouandMom.Thesame.”
Duchesshadgotthebonesofthestoryovertheyears,fromStarwhensheslurredit,fromthearchivesatthelibraryinSalinas.Thesamelibrarywhereshe’dspentthepastspringworkingontheirfamilytree.She’dtracedRadleyrootsbackfar,thendroppedthebooktothefloorwhenshe’dmadethelinktoawantedoutlawnamedBillyBlueRadley.Itwasthekindoffindshe’dbeenproudof,somethingmorewhenshestoodupfrontandpresentedtotheclass.Therewasstillawholeloadofnothingonherfather’sside,justthekindofquestionmarkthatdrewanangryexchangewithhermother.NotoncebuttwiceStarhadbeenwithastranger,gotherselfpregnant,lefttwochildrenwithalifetimeofwonderingjustwhosebloodpumpedtheirveins.Slut,she’dwhisperedbeneathherbreath.Itsawhergroundedforamonth.
“Youknowhe’scomingoutofprisontoday?”Robinkepthistonehushedlikeitwasagravesecret.
“Whotoldyouthat?”
“RickyTallow.”
RickyTallow’smotherworkeddispatchatCapeHavenPD.
“WhatelsedidRickysay?”
Robinlookedaway.
“Robin?”
Hefoldedquick.“Thatheshould’vefriedforit.ButthenMissDoloresyelledathim.”
“Should’vefried.Youknowwhatthatmeans?”
“No.”
DuchesstookhishandacrossontoVirginiaAvenue,thelotsalittlebigger.ThetownofCapeHaventumbleditswaytowardthewater,landvalueinversetothehills;Duchessknewherplace,theirhomeonthefurtheststreetfromtheocean.
Theyfellinwithagroupofkids.DuchessheardtalkabouttheAngelsandthedraft.
Whentheygottothegateshefussedwithhishaironcemoreandmadesurehisshirtwasbuttonedright.
KindergartenstoodbesideHilltopMiddle.Duchesswouldspendherbreakatthefence,lookingoveratherbrother.He’dwaveandsmileandshe’deathersandwichandwatchhim.
“Youbegood.”
“Yeah.”
“Don’tsaynothingaboutMom.”
Shehuggedhim,kissedhischeekandsenthimin,watchingtillMissDolorestookover.Thenshemovedon,thesidewalkthickwithkids.
Duchesskeptherheaddownasshepassedthesteps,whereagroupgathered,NateDormanandhisfriends.
Nate,collarflickedup,sleevesrolledoverskinnybiceps.“Heardyourmomgotfuckedupagain.”
Laughterchorused.
Shesquaredtohimstraightoff.
Hestaredback.“What?”
Shemethiseye.“Iamtheoutlaw,DuchessDayRadley,andyouarethecoward,NateDorman.”
“You’recrazy.”
Shetookastepforwardandwatchedhimswallow.“TalkaboutmyfamilyagainandI’llbeheadyou,motherfucker.”
Hetriedalaughbutdidn’tquitemanageit.Therewererumorsabouther;despitetheprettyfaceandslightframe,shecouldturn,loseitsobadnotevenhisfriendswouldstepin.
Shepushedpast,heardhimexhaleheavilyasshewalkedon,intoschool,eyesburningfromanothertorturednight.
3
THEERODINGCLIFFSRANAtwistingmilebeforetheroadsweptthebayandvanishedintothetalloaksofClearwaterCove.Walkfollowedtheline,neveredgingpastthirty.
He’dleftDuchessandRobinthendriventotheKinghouse,baggedleavesfromthepathandpickedlitterfromtheyard.He’dtendeditweeklyforthirtyyears,partofhisstaidroutine.
AtthestationhecheckedinwithLeahTallowonthefrontdesk,justthetwoofthem,Walkoncalleverydayofhislife.Fromthewindowhewatchedseasonschangeandvacationerscomeandgo.Hamperswereleft.Wineandcheeseandchocolatethatsawhimpunchanotherholeinhisbelteachyear.
Theyhadanauxiliary,Louanne,shecameinwhentheyneededher,parades,shows,ortimeswhenshewasjustplainboredoftendingtoheryard.
“Youallsetfortoday,returnoftheKing?”
“I’vebeenreadythirtyyears.”Hetriedtokeephissmileincheck.“I’mheadingout,I’llpickuppastriesonthewayback.”
HestrolledupMain,sameeverymorning,thepracticedwalk,thecopstridehe’dseenonTV.He’dtriedamustache,likeMagnum,madenoteswhenwatchingForensicFiles,andonceevenboughtabeigeraincoat.Ifarealcaseevercamein,he’dbeready.
Flagshungfromstreetlamps,shinySUVsparkednosetotailandgreenawningscastshadeoveraspotlesssidewalk.HesawthePattersons’Mercedesdoubleparked,wouldn’twriteitup,maybejustofferafriendlywarningwhenhenextsawCurtis.
Hequickenedbythebutcher’sbutMiltoncameoutfast,thenstoodonthestoop,whitessplashedred,aclothinhishandlikehecouldridthestainsfromhispalms.
“Morning,Walk.”Miltonwashairy.Thickswirlssproutedfromeveryinchofhim,thekindofmanwhohadtoshavetohiseyelinethreetimesadayincaseapassingzookeepershothimwithatranquilizerdart.
Strungdeerinthewindow,sofreshadaybackithadbeenroamingtheMendocino.Miltonhunted,duringtheseasonhe’dcloseupanddonhisdeerstalker,loadtheComanchewithriflesandsheetsandacoolerofbeer.Walkhadgonewithhimonetime,couldn’tfindanexcusethatlastedlongenough.
“DidyoutalktoBrandonRockyet?”Miltonspitthename,everywordlabored,likehe’druncleanoutofbreathduringadecentconversation.
“Onmylist.”
BrandonRockhadaMustangthatmisfiredsobadhalfthestreetcalleditinthefirsttimeithappened.Itwasbecominganuisance.
“Iheardabouther.Star.Again.”Miltondabbedsweatfromhisheadwiththebloodycloth.Rumorhaditheatenothingbutmeat,anditwastakingatoll.
“She’salright.Sick,thistimeshewasjustsick.”
“Isawitall.Damnshame…withthosechildren.”
MiltonliveddirectlyacrossfromStar.HetookthekindofinterestinherandthekidsthatspokemoreofalonelylifethanthedwindlingNeighborhoodWatchgroupthemancommanded.
“Youalwaysseeitall,Milton.Maybeyoushould’vebeenacop.”
Miltonwavedahand.“IgotenoughonwiththeWatch.10-51theothernight.”
“Wreckerneeded.”
Miltonusedpolicecodesliberally,andbadly.
“She’sluckyshe’sgotyoulookingoutforher.”Miltonpulledatoothpickfromhispocketandgottoworkonapieceoffleshlodgedbetweenhistwofrontteeth.“IwasthinkingofVincentKing.Isittoday?Peoplesaidit’stoday.”
“Itis.”Walkbent,pickedupasodacananddroppeditintothetrash,thesunwarmonhisneck.
Miltonwhistled.“Thirtyyears,Walk.”
Itwould’vebeenten,worstcaseten,butforafightinside.Walkdidn’tevergetthefullreport,justknewhischildhoodfriendhadtwodeathsonhishands.Tenyearsbecamethirty,manslaughterbecamemurder,aboybecameaman.
“Istillthinkaboutthatday.Uswalkingthewoodland.So,heiscomingbacktotheCape?”
“FarasIknow.”
“Youcansendhimhere,ifheneedsanything.Actually,tellyouwhat,Walk.HowaboutIputacoupletrottersasideforhim.Howdoesthatsound?”
Walksearchedforthewords.
“So.”Miltonclearedhisthroatandlookeddownattheground.“Theskytonight…supermoon.It’llbeasight,andIjustgotmyselfanewCelestron.Imean,Ineedtosetthingsup,butifyouwantedtostopby—”
“I’vegotsomethingon.Anothertime?”
“Sure.Butcomehereafteryourshift,Icangiveyoutheneck.”Miltonnoddedtowardthedeer.
“Please,God,no.”Walkbackedaway,thenpattedhisstomach.“Ineedtolose—”
“Don’tworry,it’slean.Ifyoustewitrightit’sadecentcut.I’dofferuptheheartbutonceIgetasearonitthatflavorjustsings.”
Walkclosedhiseyes,thenauseacreepingup.Hishandsshook.Miltonnoticed,lookedlikehewantedtosaysomethingmoresoWalkmovedonfast.
Hesawnoonearoundsopoppedacoupleofpills.Hewasacutelyandpainfullyawareofhisdependency.
Hemovedpastcafésandstorefronts,saidhellotoafew,helpedMrs.Astorloadgrocerybagsintohercar,listenedasFelixCokebenthisearaboutthetrafficonFullerton.
HestoppedbyBrant’sDelicatessen,rowsofpastriesandcheesesfilledthewindow.
“Hey,ChiefWalker.”
AliceOwen,hairpulledbackandafullfaceofmakeupdespitetheworkoutclothes.ShecarriedsomekindofminiaturecrosssoskinnyWalkcountedoffitsribsasittrembled.Hereachedforwardtopetitandwatchedtheteethbare.
“WouldyoumindholdingontoLadywhileIpicksomethingup?I’lljustbeasecond.”
“Sure.”Hereachedfortheleash.
“Oh,youcan’tputherdown.She’sjustbeenclippedandhernailsaretender.”
“Theclaws?”
Alicethrustthedogintohisarmsandheadedinside.
Hewatchedthroughthewindowassheplacedanorderthenstoppedandtalkedwithanothervacationer.Tenminutespassed,thedogpantingintohisface.
WhenAlicefinallymadeitbackshewasladenwithbagssohecarriedthedogovertoherSUVandwaitedwhilesheloadedit.Shethankedhim,thenreachedintoapaperbagandhandedhimacannoli.Hemadeafussoftryingnottotakeit,thenwaitedtillhewasclearofMainbeforeeatingitdownintwobites.
HewalkedalongCassidythencutthroughontoIvyRanchRoad.AtStar’splacehestoodontheporchawhile,listeningtothemusicplayinside.
Staropenedthedoorbeforehecouldknock,methimwiththekindofsmilethatkepthimfromgivinguponher.Hollowedoutbutbeautiful,beatendownbuthereyesstillshone.Sheworeapinkapronlikeshe’dbeenbaking.Walkknewthecupboardswerebare.
“Goodafternoon,ChiefWalker.”
Inspiteofhimselfhecouldn’thelpthesmile.
Therewasafanmovingslow,drywallbareinspots,drapespulledfromtheirringslikeStarcouldn’tcloseoutthedayquickenough.Theradioplayedloud,SkynyrdsangaboutAlabamaasStardancedherwaythroughthekitchen,loadingagarbagebagwithemptybeersbottlesandpacksofLuckyStrike.Shegrinnedathim,lookinglikeakidasshedid.Shestillhadthatway,vulnerable,troubledandtrouble.
Shespunonce,thentossedafoilashtrayintothesack.
Abovethefireplacewasaphoto,thetwoofthem,fourteen,readyandwaitingforthefuturetocomeatthem.
“How’syourhead?”
“Neverbetter.I’mthinkingclearnow,Walk.Thanksandall…lastnight.ButIthinkmaybeIneededit,youknow.Onelasttime.NowI’mseeingright.”Shetappedherhead,thenmovedon,stilldancing.“Thekids,theydidn’tseenothing,right?”
“Arewegoingtotalkaboutit,today?”
Asthemusicfadedoutshefinallystoppedmoving,wipedthesweatfromherheadandtiedherhairback.“It’llcomeandit’llgo.DoesDuchessknow?”
Staraskinghimaboutherowndaughter.
“Thewholetownknows.”
“Youthinkhe’schanged?”
“Weallhave.”
“Notyou,Walk.”Sheaimedforadmirationbutallheheardwasdisdain.
Hehadn’tseenVincentinfiveyears,thoughhe’dtriedoften.Thevisitswerecloseatfirst,he’dridewithGracieKingintheoldRegal.Ithadbeencoldandhard,thejudgesendingafifteen-year-oldboytoamen’sprison.Star’sfathertookthestand,toldofSissy,ofthekindofgirlshewasbecoming.Theyshowedphotosofthescene,littlelegs,bloodonasmallhand.TheycalledinPrincipalHutch,andhetoldaboutthekindofboyVincentwas.Trouble.
AndthenitwasWalk’sturn,andhisfatherhadlookedon,brownshirt,honestface.HewasforemanatTallowConstruction,theyhadafactorythatsmokedawaydreamstwotownsover.ThatsamesummerWalkhadgonewithhim,fororientation.He’dstoodincoverallsandwatched,allthegrays,thepipesandscaffoldsointricatelikebowels,acathedralofmetals.
InthatcourtroomWalkmethisfather’sproudgazeandofferedupthekindofunabridgedtruththatsealedhisfriend’sfate.
“Idon’tneedtobelookingbackanymore,”Starsaid.
Hemadecoffee.Theytookitouttothedeck,birdsontheswing-setflappinglazyandhighwhenWalksettledintoanoldchair.
Shefannedherface.“Yougoingtogethim?”
“Hesaidnotto.Iwrotehim.”
“Butyou’llgoanyway.”
“Iwill.”
“Don’ttellhim…aboutmeandall.”Herkneebounced,shetappedthechairwithherfinger.Allenergybeforetherealpurgecame.
“He’llask.”
“Idon’twanthimhere.Idon’tthinkIcan,inmyhouse.”
“Okay.”
Shelitacigaretteandclosedhereyes.
“So,there’saprogram,anewone,overin—”
“Saveit.”Sheheldupahand.“Itoldyou.It’sbehindmenow.”
They’dtriedcounseling,WalkhaddrivenhertoBlairPeakeachmonthforalifetime,theshrinkseemedtogetthrough,progresshadbeengood.Walkwoulddropher,leaveherandheadtoadinertowait.Threehours,sometimesmorebeforeshecalled.Somedaysthekidswouldridethehourswiththem,silentintheback,lookingonastheirinnocencetrailedthecruiser,slippingfurtherbehind.
“Itcan’t…thiscan’tgoon.”
“Stillpoppingpills,Walk?”
Hewantedtotellheritwasdifferent,butthenhewonderedhow.Theyweretheafflicted.Plainandsimple.
Shereachedoverandsqueezedhishand,noharmmeant.
“Ithinkyou’vegotcreamonyourshirt.”
Heglanceddownandshelaughed.
“Lookatus.Youknow,sometimesIstillfeelit.”
“What?”
“Fifteen,baby.”
“We’regettingold.”
Sheblewaperfectsmokering.“Notme,Walk.You’regettingolderandme,I’mjustgettingstarted.”
Helaughedhard,andthenshelaughedtoo.Andthatwasthem,WalkandStar,thirtyyearsunwindingtillallthatwasleftwasacoupleofkidstalkingshitandmakingjokes.
Theypassedanotherhourineasysilence,neithersayingitbutbothknowingtherewasonlyonethingontheirminds.VincentKingwascominghome.
4
WALKDROVEWITHANEYEonthewater,onfoldinggoldsandroaringsurf.
AhundredmileseasttoFairmontCountyCorrectionalFacility.
Thunderheadsformedlikegatheredmistakes,themenintheyardstoppedandlookedskyward.
Hepulledintoasprawlinglotandkilledtheengine.Thesoundofbuzzers,menhollering,thelonelywaveofcagedsoulsrollingouttowardmilesofgodlessplains.
Itwasnotaplaceforafifteen-year-oldboy,nomatterthedetail.Thejudgehadsatstone-facedashemadethatdazzlingcalltocorrective,theharshtruthofreformationmorethanaworldfromthatcourthouseinLasLomas.Walksometimeswonderedaboutthedamagedonethatnight,immeasurable,thespiderwebofhurtthatshadedsomanylives,replacingthenewwiththeold,thefreshwithdecay.HesawitinStarandhadseenitinherfather,butnonemoresothanDuchess,whocarriedthatnightlongbeforeshewasborn.
Araponthetrunk,hegotoutandsmiledatthewarden,Cuddy,tallandleanandgrinning.Forgetthehardenedsilhouette,themangrounddownandruthlessbytheforcedcompany,Cuddyhadalwaysbeenfriendlyandkind.
“VincentKing,”Cuddysaidwithasmile.“YoulookafteryourowninCapeHaven,right?Howisitoverthere,stillashadeofheaven?”
“Itis.”
“Gottosay,IwishIhadahundredmorelikeVincent.Mostdaystheboyssaytheyforgethe’sthere.”CuddymovedandWalkfellintostepwithhim.
Theypassedagate,thenanother,thenintoalow,squatbuildingpaintedashadeofgreenthatCuddysaidtheybrightenedeveryseason.“Mostrestfulcolorforthehumaneye.Speaksofforgivenessandpersonaltransformation.”
Walkwatchedacoupleofguyswithbrushes,trailingthebaseboardwithcare,mouthstightinconcentration.
CuddyplacedahandonWalk’sshoulder.“Listen.VincentKinghasservedhistime,butgettinghimtorealizethatwon’tbeeasy.Youneedanything,youcallme.”
Walkstoodinthewaitingroomandwatchedthewideviewsandthementhatdidcircuits,headshighlikeCuddytaughtthemthesinofshame.Ifitwasn’tforthewirethatcarvedthelandscapewithsuchbrutalityitmighthavebeenascenethatstoppedbreath,OurGoodEarth,meninjumpsuitsnothingbutthelostchildrentheyoncewere.
IthadbeenfiveyearssinceVincentstoppedreceivingvisitors,so,ifnotfortheeyes,stillblueenough,Walkmighthavehadtroublerecognizinghim.Tall,thin,closetogaunt,sallowcheeks,alongwayfromthecocksurefifteen-year-oldthathadwalkedin.
ButthenVincentsawhim,andhesmiled.ItwasasmilethathadgothimintoandoutofmoretroublethanWalkcouldremember.Hewasstillinthere,nomatterthewarnings,thewaypeoplesaiditchangedyou,hisfriendwasstillinthere
Walktookastepforward,thoughtofopeninghisarmsbutthenextendedhishandslowly.
Vincentlookedatthehandlikehe’dforgottenitcouldholdagreetingandnothingmore.Heshookitlightly.
“Itoldyounottocome.”Hespokeinaflat,quiettone.“But,thankyou.”Therewassomethingreverentialinthewayhemoved.
“It’sgoodtoseeyou,Vin.”
Vincentfilledoutthepaperwork,aguardcloseandwatching;amanfreedafterthirtyyearswasnotasightthatdrewcomment.AnotherdayinthestateofCalifornia.
Ahalfhourlaterandtheywereatthelastgate,bothturnedwhenCuddycameout.
“It’llbetoughoutthere,Vincent.”Hehuggedhim,quickandtight,somethingpassingbetweenthem,maybethirtyyearsofdecorousroutinefinallybroken.
“Morethanhalf.”CuddykeptholdofVincentforamoment.“That’showmanycomebacktome.Makesureyou’renotoneofthem.”
WalkwonderedhowmanytimesCuddyhadspokenthatweightedlineovertheyears.
Theywalkedsidebyside,atthecruiserVincentlayahandonthehoodandlookedatWalk.
“Ineversawyouinyouruniform.Igotthephoto,passingout,buthere,intheflesh,you’reacop.”
Walksmiled.“Iam.”
“NotsureIcanbefriendswithacop,man.”
Walklaughed,thereliefalmostflooringhim.
Hedroveslowatfirst,Vincentwithaneyeonjustabouteverything,windowlowandthebreezeonthem.Walkwantedtotalkbuttheycrawledthosefirstmilesinsomethinglikeadream.
“Iwasthinking,thattimewestowedontheSaintRose,”Walksaid,tryingtosoundcasual,likehehadn’tpracticedconversationstartersonthewayup.
Vincentlookedup,ahalfsmileatthememory.
They’dmetupearly,tenyearsoldandfirstdayofsummer.They’dpedaleddowntothewater,hidtheirbikesandcreptontothetrawler,breathingheavybeneaththetarpasthesunroseandlightpassedthroughtothem.Walkstillrememberedit,thethroboftheengineasSkipDouglasandhismenaimedherattheendlessocean.Hehadn’tevenbeenpissedwhentheycrawledout,insteadradioedbackandsaidhe’dkeepthemtheday.Walkhadn’teverworkedharderhours,scrubbedthewoodandboxes,thesmelloffishbloodnomatchforthefeeling,atasteoflifebeyondtheborders.
“YouknowSkipstillworks,guynamedAndrewWheelerrunsacharter.Skipmustbeeightynow.”
“Mymothertoremeanewonethatday.”Vincentclearedhisthroat.“Thanks.Thefuneral,doingallthat.”
Walkdroppedthevisortothesun.
“Yougonnatellmeaboutherthen?”Vincentshiftedinhisseat,legshunched,pantsaninchlongattheankle.
Walkslowedatarailroad,afreightcrossedthem,boxesofsteel,rustredandwhining.
TheyrolledoverthetrackandintothekindoftownthathadrunwhenthemineshadbeforeWalkfinallyspoke.“She’salright.”
“She’sgotkidsnow.”
“DuchessandRobin.YourememberthatfirsttimewesawStar?”
“Yeah.”
“You’llheadrightbacktherewhenyouseeDuchess.”
Vincent,lostthen,Walkknewwherehismindwas.ThatfirstdayStar’sfatherrolledhisRivieraintotheCape.VincentandWalkrodeup,sawalifepackedintothetrunk,clothesandcasesandboxespressedtheglass.Sidebyside,handsontheirStelbers,sunhotontheirnecks.Themangotoutfirst,hewasbigandbroadandhe’deyedthemlikeheknewtheirkind.Theywerekids,though,that’swhatWalkremembered,concernslimitedtofindingtheWillieMaysProcardbecauseVincent’sMagic8-Balltoldthemtheywereduesomeluck.Thenhescoopedoutalittlegirl,stillsleeping,herheadonhisshoulderashelookedupanddownhisnewstreet.SissyRadley.Theywereabouttoturn,toheadbacktoWalk’syardandthetreehousethey’dbeenworkingonwhenthereardooropenedtothelongestlegsWalkeversaw.Vincenthadcursed,mouthopen,eyesfixedonthegirl,theirageandJulieNewmarbeautiful.Shegotout,chewinggumassheglancedatthem.Holyshit,Vincentsaidagain.AndthenherfatherusheredherintotheKleinmans’oldplace,butnotbeforesheturnedandcockedherheadatthem,nosmile,justalookthatburneditswayintoVincent’ssoul.
“Imissedyou.Iwould’vecome,youknow.Ifyou’dletme.Iwould’vecomeandvisitedeveryweekend.”
Vincent’seyesneverleftthescenes,theinterestofamanthathadlivedlifethroughatelevisionset.
OntheCentralValleyHighwaytheystoppedatadinerbyHanfordandateburgers.Vincentfinishedhalf,hiseyesfixedonthewindowashewatchedamotherandherchild,anoldmanthatstoopedlikehewascarryingeachofhisyearsonhisback.Walkwonderedwhathesaw.Carshedidnotknowthenamesof,storeshehadonlyeverseenonscreen.Alifetimemissed,from1975through,turnofthemillennium,2005hadoncelookedlikeflyingcarsandrobotmaids,nowheretheywere.
“Thehouse—”
“Icheckonit.Itneedswork,theroof,theporch,halftheboardsarerotten.”
“Alright.”
“There’sadeveloper,DickieDarke,hecrawlsoveriteachmonthbeforesummer.Ifyoudideverwanttosell—”
“Idon’t.”
“Alright.”Walkhadsaidhispiece,ifVincentwantedmoneyhecouldselltheplace,thelasthomeonthefrontline,SunsetRoad.
“Youreadytogohome?”
“Ijustlefthome,Walk.”
“No,Vin,youdidn’t.”
TherewasnofanfarewhentheyarrivedbackinCapeHaven,nofriendlyfacesorpartyorfuss.WalknoticedtheothermantakeabreathastheycrestedthePacific,theendlesswatercomingatthem,thetopsofpinesandgrandhousesontheCapeandbeyond.
“They’vebuilt,”Vincentsaid.
“Theyhave.”
There’dbeenresistanceatfirst,justnotenoughbecausethepromiseofmoneywasmorethankept,businessownerslikeMiltonheldthefloorandsaidtheyweretiringofthestruggle.EdTallowsaidhisconstructioncompanywasstrugglingtokeepthelightson.
CapeHavenwascarvedintothecliffs,tranquilandpreserved,atownliftedfromAnaheim.Walkfeltit,eachnewbricklaidrightontopofhischildhood,onthememorieshesodesperatelyneededtoholdonto.
Walkstolealookathisfriend’shands,atthelegionofdeepscarsthatcrossedhisknuckles.He’dalwaysbeentough.
Finally,theyrolledtheslopeontoSunsetRoad,wheretheKinghousestoodlikeunwelcomeshadowonthebrightestday.
“Theneighborsaregone.”
“Theyfell.Thecliffsarebreaking,likePointDume.Lastoneyesterday.Fairlawn.Yourplaceisfarenoughback,andtheyputinthebreakwateracoupleofyearsago.”
Vincentlookedatthescene,tapedofflikethecrimeitwas.Therewerehomesbehind,nearenoughtokeepthestreetfromisolation,butfarenoughfortheKinghousetocommandthemostspectacularview.
Vincentgotoutandstoodbeforeit,aneyeontherottinggablesandfallenshutters.
“Icutthegrass.”
“Thankyou.”
HefollowedVincentupthewindingpath,thestepsandthenintothecool,darkhallway.Paperedwallswithflowersrecallingtheseventiesandamillionvelvetmemories.
“Ilaidsheets.”
“Thankyou.”
“Andstockedtherefrigerator.There’schickenandsome—”
“Thankyou.”
“Youdon’thavetokeepsayingthat.”
AbovethefireplacewasamirrorandVincentpasseditwithoutlooking.Walkthoughthemoveddifferentlynow,eachstepacautionarytaleaboutplacementandbetterjudgment.Heknewthefirstyearshadbeenrough,andnotroughinacry-and-can’t-sleepway,roughinthehandsome-boy-amongst-the-darkest-kind-of-menway.They’dwrittenletters,WalkandGracieKing,tothejudgeandthesupremecourtandeventhehouseonPennsylvaniaAvenue.They’daskedforsegregationatleast.They’dgotnothing.
“Youwantmetostickaround?”
“Yougetback,dowhatyoudonow.”
“I’llcheckinlater.”
Vincentwalkedhimtothedoorandofferedahand.
Walkpulledhimintoahug,hisfriend,backnow.Hetriednottofeeltheflinch,thewayVincenttensedup.
Theybothturnedwhentheyheardtheengine.WalkwatchedtheEscalade.DickieDarke.
Darkeclimbedout.Heworehissizelikeanill-fittingsuit.Shouldersslumped,eyesdown.Hedressedinblackeachday,jacket,shirt,pants.Distracted,affected.
“VincentKing.”Hisvoicewasdeep,serious.“I’mDickieDarke.”Nosmile.Neverasmile.
“Igotyourletters,”Vincentsaid.
“Thetownmustlookdifferentnow.”
“Itdoes.ThewishingtreeisabouttheonlythingIstillrecognize.Yourememberweusedtostashcigarettesintheholeunderthere,Walk?”
Walklaughed.“AndasixerofSamAdams.”
DarkefinallylookedupandmetWalk’seyewiththekindofstarethatchilledhim.ThenDarkeeyedthehouse.“Thelastofthefrontline.Youownthelandbehindaswell.”
VincentlookedatWalk.
“I’llpayamillion.Currentvalueiseight-fifty,thestateit’sin.Andthemarketisturning.”
“It’snotforsale.”
“You’llhaveaprice.”
Walksmiled.“Comeon,Darke.Themanjustgothome.”
Darkestaredalittlelonger.Andthenheturnedandleftthem,strolling,unhurried,sobighisshadowcastfar.
Vincentwatchedhim,hiseyeslockedonDarkelikehecouldseesomethingWalkcouldnot.
***
Duchesshadanarrangementwiththekindergartenteacher,MissDolores;shewouldletRobinstickaroundforthreelonghourstillDuchessfinishedclasseachday,mainlybecauseWalkhadsteppedinandasked,andalsobecauseRobinwasnoteventheslightestbother.
WhenRobinsawherhetidiedhisthings,pickeduphisbagandranover.Duchesskneltandhuggedhim,thenwavedtoMissDoloresandtheyturned.
ShehelpedRobinslipthestrapsoverhisshouldersandthencheckedhehadhisstorybookinsideandhiswaterbottle.
“Youdidn’teatyoursandwich.”Sheglared.
“Sorry.”
Theschoolbuspassed,parentsinSUVs,teachersoutonthegrassandchattingaskidstossedafootballbeside.
“Youneedtoeat,Robin.”
“It’sjust…”
“What?”
“Youdidn’tputanythinginside,”hesaidreluctantly.
“Bullshit.”
Helookeddownathisshoes.
Duchessunzippedhispackandtookoutthesandwich.“Fuck.”
“It’salright.”
“It’snot.”Sheputahandonhisshoulder.“I’llfixhotdogswhenwegetin.”
Hesmiledatthat.
Theykickedastonetogether,keptitgoingtilltheygottotheendofEastHarneyandRobinsentitintoadrain.
“Didthekidssaythings,aboutMom?”hesaid,asshetookhishandandtheycrossedthestreet.
“No.”
“RickyTallowdid,hesaidhismomtoldhimaboutourmom.”
“Whatdidshesay?”
TheyduckedbeneaththelimbsofawillowandcutdownthetrackbetweenFordhamandDupont.
“Shesaidhecouldn’tcometoourhousebecauseMomwouldn’twatchusright.”
“Youcouldgothere.”
“Hismomanddadarealwaysyellingateachother.”
Shemussedhishair.“Youwantmetotalktoher,seeifIcansortsomething?”
“Yes.”
DuchessknewLeahTallow.CapeHavenPD,justherandWalkandanauxiliarynamedLouanne,whowasoldasshit.Duchesscouldn’timagineanyofthemworkingarealcrime.
“Rickysaidhe’llmoveintohisbrother’sroomwhenheleavesforcollege.Hesaidhisbrotherhasanaquarium.Canwegetone?”
“You’vegotamask.Golookatfishinthesea.”
WhentheygottoMaintheysawagroupofgirlsoutsideRosie’sDiner,samegroup,always,drinkingshakesandtakingovertwotablesinthesun.Whispersandlaughterastheypassed.
Theywentintothegrocerystore,Mrs.Adamsatthecounter.
DuchessfoundapackoffrankfurtersandRobinfetchedthebuns.Shetookoutherpurseandcountedoutthreedollarsinbills,allshehad.
Robinlookedup.“CanwegetFrench’s?”
“No.”
“Weneedketchupatleast.It’llbedry.”
Duchesstookthecanandthebunsup.
“How’syourmotherdoing?”Mrs.Adamslookeddownoverherglasses.
“Fine.”
“That’snotwhatIheard.”
“Whythefuckdidyouaskthen?”
Robintuggedherhand.Mrs.Adamsmight’vetoldhertoleavebutDuchesstossedthreedollarbillsontothecounterbeforeshecould.
“Don’tcurselikethat,”Robinsaid,astheywalkedupMain.
“How’syourmothertoday?”
DuchessturnedandsawMilton,outfrontofhisbutchershop.Hewipedhishandsdownhisapron,bloodsmeared.
Robinwalkeduptotheglassandlookedattherabbits,hookedatthethroat.
“She’sfine,”Duchesssaid.
Miltontookastepnearer,thatsmellsostrongitgotinherthroat.Bloodanddeath.
“Youlookanawfullotlikeher,youknowthat.”
“Yeah,youtoldmethatbefore.”
Shenoticedsmallbitsoffleshembeddedinthethickhaironhisarms.Hestaredatherawhile,likehe’dforgottenhisplace,thensnappedbackwhenhesawhergrocerybag,andwhatwasinside.
Hetutted.“That’snotevensausage.Theygrowthatinalab.Waitthere.”
Shewatchedhimheadin,wheezingwitheachstep.
AcoupleofminutesandMiltonreturned,brownpaperbagfoldedover,sealedwithabloodprint.“Morcilla.Youtellyourmotherwherethesecamefrom.Sendheroverifshewantstoknowhowtocookthemright.”
“Don’tyoujustfryit?”Robinsaid.
“Maybeinprison.IfyouwantthoseflavorsdancingyouneedtogetacquaintedwithaDutchoven.Yousee,it’sallaboutthepressureandthe—”
Duchesssnatchedthebag,grabbedRobin’shandandfeltMilton’seyesonherasshehurriedaway.
AtRosie’sDiner,DuchesstookabreathandledRobinin,shuttingoutthegirlsandtheirlooks.Busyinside,vacationersfilledtables,thesmellofcoffeerosethick.Loudtalk,secondhomes,plansforthesummer.
Duchessstoodbythecounterandsawthejar,thepacketsofketchupinside,freeifyouboughtsomething.AquicklookoveratRosie,busy,tendingtheregister.
DuchesscollectedasingleketchuppacketforRobinandwasabouttoturn.
“Don’tyouhavetobuysomethingtotaketheketchup?”
Shelookedup.CassidyEvans,fromherclass.Robinlookedon,nervous,shiftingfromfoottofoot.
Cassidysmirked,lipglosspout,shinyhair,restingbitchface.
“Itwasonlyonepacket.”
“MissRosie,don’tyouhavetobuysomethingtotakeaketchup?”Cassidysaiditloud,innocencedrippedfromhervoice.
Talkdied,strangers’eyessohotDuchessfelttheburn.
Rosiesetdownacupandcametothecounter.Duchessshovedthepacketbackinthejar,thenflinchedasitfelltothefloorandtheglassshattered.
ShesnatchedRobin’shandandledhimthrough,Cassidyonherheels,Rosiecallingout.
Theywalkedinsilencedownquietstreets.
“Wedon’tevenneedthesauce,”Robinsaid.“It’llstillbenice.”
AlongSunsetRoadtheysawacoupleofkidstossingaballonthesandbelow.Robinwatchedthemintently.Duchessplayedwithhimoften,toys,soldiers,cars,astickhethoughtlookedlikeawand.Sometimeshe’dhollerforStartocomeout,mostdaysshe’dbelyinginthedarklivingroom,televisionmuted.Duchessheardtalkofbipolar,anxiety,dependence.
“What’sgoingon?”Robinsaid.
Aheadtheysawkids,threeboysrunningbacktowardthem,sprintingfastastheypassedthemby.
“It’stheKinghouse,”Duchesssaid,andtheystoppedacrossthestreetandlookedon.Thefrontwindowblown,ajaggedholeinitthesizeofasmallrock.
“Shouldwetell?”
Shewatchedthehouse,sawashadowmoveinside,andshookherhead.ShetookRobin’shandandledhimaway.
5
WALKSATINTHEBACKrowofthebleachersandwatchedthefootballspiralitswayfiftyyardsintotheendzone,wherethereceiverfumbledit.Thequarterbackraisedahandandthekidsmiledthenshookitoff.They’drunitagain.
WalkhadfollowedTheCougarshiswholelife.Vincentonceplayed,wide-receiver.Naturaltalent,talkofall-state.Theyhadn’twonmuchsince,nevermorethanacoupleofgamesonthebounce.Still,WalktookhisplaceonaFridaynightbetweenclustersofteenagegirlswithpaintedfaces,screamingthemselvesraw.Afterawinthey’dpackoutRosie’sDiner,playersandcheerleadersandthekindoffeelingthatmadeWalksmile.
“He’sgotanarm,”Vincentsaid.
“Hehas.”
WalkhadpickedupasixerofRollingRockbutVincenthadn’ttouchedadropofhis.He’dcalledbyafterhisshiftandfoundVincentworkingonthehouse,despitethefadinglight.He’dalreadysandedbackmostofthereardeck,handsblisteredandfacetightwiththeexertion.
“He’llturnpro.”Vincentwatchedasthekidloadedupanother.Thistimethereceivercaughtitandwhooped.
“Likeyoucould’ve.”
“Youwanttoaskmeaboutit?”
“What?”
“Everything.”
Walksippedhisbeer.“Ican’timaginewhatitwaslike.”
“Youcan,youjustdon’twantto.Andthat’scool.Whateveritwas,Ihaditcoming.”
“Youdidn’t.Notthewayitwent.”
“Iwenttohergrave.Ididn’t…Ididn’tleaveflowersornothing.Ididn’tknowifIshould.”
Beneaththelightspassafterpasslanded.Waydown,inthefurthestcorner,WalksawtheshapeofBrandonRock,ballcapbackwards.Walksawhimateverygame.
Vincentfollowedhiseye.“IsthatBrandon?”
“Yeah.”
“NowIthoughthe’dmakeit.Imean,backthenhewasgood,right.”
“Knee.Itpoppedoutandneverbackin,notproperly.HeworksforTallowConstruction,somethinginsales.Helimps,shouldprobablyuseacanebutyouknowwhatBrandonislike.”
“Notanymore.”
“He’sstillgothisfather’sMustang.”
“Irememberthedayhisoldmangotit.Halfthestreetgathered.”
“Youwantedtostealit.”
Vincentlaughed.“Borrowit,Walk.Justborrowit.”
“Helovesthatcar.Ithinkheseesit,youknow.Abettertimeinhislife.Thehair,theclothes,theguystilllivesinseventy-eight.Yousee,hehasn’tchanged,Vin.Noneofushave,notreally.”
Vincentstrippedthelabelfromhisbeerbutstilldidnotdrink.“AndMarthaMay?Hasshechangedmuch?”
Walkstalledatthementionofhername,justforasecond.“She’salawyeroverinBitterwater.Shehandlesbreakupsandfamilystuffmostly.”
“Ialwaysthoughtshewasitforyou.Iknowwewereyoung,butthewayyoulookedather.”
“KindoflikethewayyoulookedatStar.”
Thereceiverfumbledandtheballbounceditswaytowardthestand.Brandonwasupquickandmovedfastconsideringthelimp.Hescoopeduptheballbutinsteadofpassingittothereceiverhesentitfortyyardstothequarterback,whopluckeditoutoftheair.
“He’sstillgotthearm,”Walksaid.
“Makesitworse,Iguess.”
“WillyougoandseeStar?”
“Shetoldyoushedidn’twantmethere.”
WalkfrownedandVincentsmiled.“Icanalwaysreadyou,Walk.Whenyousaidyouthinksheneedsalittletime…shit,hasn’titbeenlongenough?ButthenIwasthinkingshe’sright.Sometimesthere’sjusttoomuchhistorythere.ButyouandMartha.”
“She…wedon’tspeakanymore.”
“Youwanttotellme?”
Walkopenedanotherbeer.“Thatnight,aftertheverdict.Weweretogether.Shefellpregnant.”
Vincentstaredatthefield.
“Andherfather.Whatwithhimbeingaministerandall.”
“Shit,Walk.”
“Yeah.”
“Andshewantedtobeaministertoo,followinhissacredsteps.”
Walkclearedhisthroat.“Hemadeher…abortion.Imean,itwasforthe…wewerekids.Butyoucan’tcomebackfromsomethinglikethat.Anditwasn’tjustthewayhelookedatme,itwasthewayshedid.Likeshesawamistake.”
“Andyoulookedatherandsaw—”
“Everything.Isawitall.Likemyparents,theyweretogetherfifty-threeyears.Houseandkidandlife.”
“Didshemarry?”
Walkshrugged.“Isentheraletter.Aboutsixyearsback,itwasChristmasandIhadtheoldphotosoutand,youknow.Shedidn’treply.”
“It’snottoolatetofixthings.”
“Icouldsaythesametoyou.”
Vincentstood.“I’mthirtyyearstoolatetofixthings.”
***
ThebarwasinSanLuis,whichwasn’tmorethanawidestretchofhighwaythatcarvedfallowfieldsandslopeditswaytowardtheAltanonValley.
StarhadborrowedtheoldComanchefromMiltonacrossthestreet.Theaircondidn’tworksoDuchessandRobinleanedtheirheadsoutthewindowlikeapairofdogs,bothtiredbutthiswashowitwentatleastonceeverymonth.
Duchesshadbroughtherprojectwithher,andsheclutchedthepaperstightasStarledthemacrossthelot,squeezingbetweentwopickupsandthroughabackdoor.Starcarriedabeat-upguitarcase,woredenimcutoffshighonherassandatopcutlowonherchest.
“Youshouldn’tdresslikethat.”
“Yeah,well,thetipsarebetter.”
DuchesscursedunderherbreathandStarturned.“Please.Justlayofftonight,watchyourbrotheranddon’tgetinanytrouble.”
DuchessledRobintoaboothattheback,slidhiminfirstthensatbeside,fencinghimofffromaplacehehadnobusinessbeingin.StarfetchedthemasodaeachasDuchesssetoutherreport,andthensomeplainpaperforherbrother.Shetookouthispencilcaseandlaidhispensout.
“Willshesingaboutthebridge?”Robinsaid.
“Always.”
“Ilovethatone.Willyousingitwithher?”
“No.”
“Good.Ihateitwhenshecriesupthere.”
Smokedriftedfromspillingashtrays.Darkwood,flagsabovethebar,thelightdimenough.Duchessheardlaughter,hermothersinkingshotswithtwomen,sheneededthembeforeshewenton.
Robinreachedforthebowlofnutsonthetable,Duchesspushedhishandaway.“Fullofpiss.”
Shestaredatthepage,thespaceforherfather,thelongemptybranchesofherfamilytree.Thedaybefore,CassidyEvanshadstoodupfrontandtoldofherlineage,thenshowedoffacrooked,noblelinethatranfromhertotheDuPonts,sovividwashertellingthatDuchesscouldalmostsmellthegunpowder.
“Idrawedyou.”
“Drew.”
HepushedthepaperacrossandDuchesssmiled.“Myteeththatbig?”ShepinchedhissidetillhelaughedsomuchStarlookedoverandmotionedthemquiet.
“TellmeagainaboutBillyBlueRadley,”Robinsaid.
“ThewayIreadithewasfearless.Heheldupabankthenledthesheriffforathousandmiles.”
“Hesoundsbad.”
“Hewaslookingoutforhisown.Hismen,likefamily.”Sheputahandonhischest.“That’sourbloodrightthere.We’reoutlaws.”
“Maybeyouare.”
“We’rethesame.”
“Butmydaddyandyours,they’renotthesame—”
“Hey.”Shegrippedhisfacelightly.“Radleyblood,we’rethesame.Justbecauseourfatherswerenogoodatall…we’rethesame.Tellme.”
“We’rethesame.”
WhenitwastimethelightdroppedalittleandStarsatupfrontonastoolandplayedasetofcovers,acoupleofherown.Oneofthemenshedrankwithwhistledandholleredandcatcalledaftereachnumber.
“Assholes,”Duchesssaid.
“Assholes,”Robinagreed.
“Don’tsaythatword.”
Andthenthemanstood,gesturedtowardStarandgrabbedhiscrotch.Hesaidsomethingelse,liketherewashistorythere.Calledheracocktease.Saidmaybeshewasadyke.
Duchessgottoherfeet,pickeduphersodaandlaunchedtheglassacrossthebar.Itfellshortandsmashedbyhisfoot.Hestaredatheropen-mouthed,shestaredback,armsoutwide,tellinghimtobringwhateverhecould,thatshewouldn’tturnaway.
“Sitdown,”Robintuggedherhand.“Please.”
Sheblinkeddownathim,sawthefearthere,thenturnedtohermother,whomouthedthesamewords.
Themanglared.Duchessflippedhimoffandsat.
RobinfinishedhissodaasStarcalledforherdaughter.Duchess,comeuphere.Mybabycansingbetterthanhermomma
Duchesssankintothebench,staredathermotherandshookherheadnomatterhowmanyturnedandbeckonedandclapped.Therewasatimewhenshewouldsing,whenshewassmaller,beforesheknewabouttheworld.Shewouldsingathome,intheshower,intheyard.
Stardeclaredherdaughternofunatallandmovedontothelastsong,thesongthatsawRobinsethispensdownandwatchtheirmotherlikeshewasthelastoftheblessed.“Ilovethisone.”
“Iknow.”
WhenStarwasdonesheslippedfromthestage,collectedhermoneyandstuffedtheenvelopeinherpurse,maybefiftybucks.Andthenthemanwasback,andthistimehegrabbedahandfulofherass.
DuchesswasonherfeetbeforeRobincouldpleadno.Shemovedfast,acrossthefloorwhereshekneltandpickedupashardoftheglass.
Starpushedthemanbackbuthereared,clenchedafisttillhecaughttheeyes,notonhimbutbeyond.Heturned,andthereshestoodsmallandready.Sheheldithigh,thejaggededgeaimedathisthroat.
“Iamtheoutlaw,DuchessDayRadley.Andyouarethebarstoolpussy,andI’llcutyourheadcleanoff.”
Sheheardthefaintcriesofherbrother.Stargrabbedherwristandshookithardtillshedroppedtheglass.Othermencame,steppedbetweenandmadethingscalm.Drinkswerepouredwithoutcharge.
Starshovedheroutthedoor,scoopedupRobinandfollowed.
Thelotwasdarkastheyclimbedintothetruck.
Starlaidintoher,yelledandtoldhershewasdumb,thatthemancould’vehurther,thatsheknewwhatshewasdoinganddidn’tneedathirteen-year-oldlookingoutforher.Duchesssatstill,waitingforittoend.
WhenitdidStarmovedtostarttheengine.
“Youshouldn’tdrivenow.”
“I’mstraight.”Starlookedinthemirrorandfixedherhair.
“Youdon’tdrivemybrotherwhenyou’relikethis.”
“IsaidI’mstraightnow.”
“StraightlikeVincentKingwas?”
Duchesssawthehandcoming,didn’tturnfromit,justtooktheslaptohercheeklikeitwasnothing.
InthebackRobincried.
Duchessleanedover,tookthekeyfromtheignitionandcrawledbacktherewithhim.Shesmoothedhishairandtearsandhelpedhimchangeintohispajamas.
Duchesssleptanhour,thenclimbedupfrontandhandedStarthekeys.Theyleftthelotanddrovetowardhome,motheranddaughtersidebyside.
“Youknowit’shisbirthdaythisweekend,”Duchesssaid,quiet.
AbeatbeforeStaranswered.“CourseIknow.He’smyprince.”
ItmadeDuchess’sstomachhurt.Shehadnomoneyofherown.Sheworkedapaperroute,shepedaledandsweatedeachweekend,itdidnotpaywell.
“IfyoucangivemesomemoneyI’lltakecareofit.”
“I’llsortit.”
“But—”
“Shit,Duchess,IsaidI’llsortit.Havealittlefaith.”
Shemight’vesaidshelostherfaitheachtimeherownbirthdaypassedbywithoutmention.
Thecarbumpedalongtilltheyturnedontothehighway.
“Youhungry?”Starsaid.
“Ifixedhotdogs.”
“Didyoupickupanysauce?YouknowRobinlikesit.”
Duchesslookedathermotherwithtiredeyes.Starreachedacrossandstrokedhercheek.“Youshould’vecomeuptheretonight.”
“Singingforabunchofdrunks.I’llleavethattotheprofessionals.”
Starpulledacigarettefromherbagandgrippeditbetweenherteethwhileshefumbledwithherlighter.“IfIputtheradioonwillyousingsomethingforme?”
“Robinissleeping.”
StarslippedahandaroundDuchess’sshoulderandpulledherclose.Shekissedherheadastheycrawledalongthefreeway.“Therewasaguytheretonight,he’sgotastudiointhevalley.Hegavemehiscardandtoldmetocall.Thiscouldbeit.”
Duchessyawned,hereyesgrowingheavy,thestreetlightsbeginningtoblur.
“TheDuchessofCapeHaven.YouknowIalwaysdreamedabouthavingadaughter.Prettybowinherhair.”
Duchessknewthat.
“DoyouknowaboutBillyBlueRadley?”
Starsmiled.“Yourgrandfatherusedtotellmeabouthim.Ithoughthewasmakingitup.”
“Hewasreal.Radleyblood,Mom.”Shethoughtaboutaskingafterherfatheragain,butletitslidebecauseshewastoobeattogetintoit.
“YouknowIloveyou,right?”
“Sure.”
“Serious,Duchess.EverythingIdo…allIgot,it’sallforthetwoofyou.”
Duchessstaredoutatthenight.“Ijustwish…”
“What?”
“Ijustwishtherewasamiddle,youknow.Becausethat’swherepeoplelive.Itdoesn’thavetobeallornothing…sinkorswimlikethat.Mostpeoplejusttreadwater,andthat’senough.Becausewhenyou’resinking,you’repullingusdownwithyou.”
Starwipedhereyes.“I’mtrying.I’llbebetter.Isaidmyaffirmationsagainthismorning.I’llsaythemeveryday.Iwanttodoitforyou.”
“Dowhat?”
“Iwanttobeselfless.Selflessacts,Duchess.They’rewhatmakeyouagoodperson.”
Itwasalmostmidnightwhentheydrovethroughtown,DuchessdyingalittlewhenshesawDarke’sEscaladeinthedriveway.
Theydrewup,thegateopen,Darkewouldbeintheyard,ontheporch,waiting,staringoutintonothinginthatwaythatscaredher,likehecouldseesomethingintheshadows.Shedidn’tlikehim.Hewastooquiet,toofuckingbig,staredtoofuckingmuch.She’dseenhimoutsideofschool,bythefence,justsittinginhiscarandwatchingher.
“Ithoughtyouwerepullingthemidnightshifttonight?”Duchesssaid.
StarhadbeencleaningofficesoverinBitterwater.
“They…Ididn’tshowlastnightsotheytoldmenottocomeback.Don’tworryaboutit.IcantendbaratDarke’splace,that’sprobablywhyhe’sover.”
“Idon’tlikeyouworkingthere.”
Starsmiled,thenheldupthebusinesscardagainlikeitwasproofofsomething.“Ourluckisturning.”
Duchessscoopedupherbrother.Hewaslight,thinlegsandarms,hishairgettinglongbutshecouldnotaffordtotakehimtoJoeRogersonMain,wheretheotherboyswent.Shewasgladhewastoosmalltonotice,theotherkidstoo,itwouldchangesoonenough,sheworriedaboutthat.
Theirsharedbedroom,postersshe’dhung,scienceandplanets,hewouldbethesmartone.Onebookontheshelf,Maxallhungryandwild,buttheend,that’swhatRobinloved,becausethesuppershowedMaxwascaredfor.SheborroweditfromthesmalllibraryinSalinas,renewediteveryotherweek,twomileseachwayonherbicycle.
Outsidesheheardtalk.Darkeownedthehouse,Starcouldnotaffordtherent.Duchesswasoldenoughtoknowwhatthatmeant,youngenoughtokeepfromunderstandingit.
Hermindrantoherschoolwork,theshitshe’dbeinifshedidn’tcompleteit.Shecouldn’tgetdetention,there’dbenoonetocollectRobin.Starcouldnotbetrusted.
Shemadethedecisiontodozetillsunriseandgetonitearly.Shepartedthedrapes.Thestreetslept,acrosswasMilton’shouse,theporchlightburnedallnight,mothsgatheredandfluttered.Shesawafox,gracefulasitleftlightfortheshadows.Andthen,byBrandonRock’shouse,shesawaman,andhewaswatchingherwindow.Hecouldnotseeher,thewayshestood,backjustenough.Hewastall,notlikeDarke,butstilltall.Croppedhair,stoopedshoulders,likepridehadslidrightfromhim.
Shelaybackinherspot.
Andthen,ashereyesgrewheavy,sheheardascream.
Hermother’sscream.
Shemovedfromtheroomwithpracticedcare,agirlusedtotheterrorsofnight,toamotherwhocourtedtheworstofmen.Behindhersheclosedthedoor,hewouldsleep,evenifhegotuphewouldnotremember.Heneverremembered.
SheheardDarke’svoice,steady,likealways.
“Calmdown.”
Shewatchedthroughthedoor,theedge,theroomcutintoasliceofhell,thelamponitsside,throwingshadeoverhermother,wholayontherug.Darkewatchedherintently,likeshewasawildcreaturehe’djustsedated.Hewastoobig,toobigforthechairandthesmallhouseandtoobigtotakedown.
Duchessknewwhattodo,whichboardsmadenoise,andshemovedalongthehallwaytothekitchen.Shewouldnotcall911,therewouldbearecord.AsshedialedWalk’scellsheheardthenoiseandturnedtoolate,andthenDarketookthereceiverfromher.
Shedughernailsintohishandandclaweduntilshefelthimbleed.Heguidedherfromthekitchen,hishandfirmonhershoulder.Shescrabbled,knockedthesidetabledown,aphotoofRobincametorestbyhereyes,hisfirstdayofkindergarten.
AboveherDarkestood.“Iwon’thurtyou,sodon’tcallthecopsonme.”Voicesodeepitwasalmostinhuman.Shehadheardstoriesabouthim,justsnippets,thatamancutinfrontofhimonPensacolaandDarkepulledhimoutofhiscarandstampedhisfacetomush.Andthathediditwithacalmthatheldbystandersmesmerized.
Hewatchedher,likehealwaysdid.Hestudiedherface,hair,eyes,mouth.Takinginthedetail,makinghershiver.
Sheglaredupathim,fierce,smallnosetwistedintoasnarl.“Iamtheoutlaw,DuchessDayRadley,andyouarethewomanbeater,DickieDarke.”
Shescootedback,herheadtothedoor.Abovethestreetlightfellthroughtheglass,bathingherinorangeasshewatchedhermotherscreamandyellandrunatDarke.
Shewouldn’triseandhelp,sheknewnottodothat.Insteadshestoodwhenshesawtheshapethroughtheglass.
Behind,hermotherswungfists,Darkegrippedherhandsandtriedtokeepthemlevel.
Duchessmadeherdecisionquickly;whateverwasoutsidecouldbenoworsethanwhatwaswithin.Sheunlatchedthedoorandlookeduphighintotheman’sface.Shemovedasideandhepassed,grabbedholdofDarkeandtheystruggled.Helandedonepunch,caughtDarkeonthesideofthehead.
Darkedidnotflinch,sawwhoitwasandstoppeddead,stared,calmenoughasheweighedoptions.Hewasmuchbigger,broader,buttheothermanlookedlikeheburnedwithit,thatneedtofight.
Darkefishedkeysfromhispocket,unhurried,andwalkedfromthehouse.Themanfollowedhimout,Duchessbehind.
ShewatchedtheEscaladetillthelightsfadedfromview.
Themanturnedandlookedather.Andthenpasther,whereStarstoodbehind,ontheoldporch,breathless.
“Comeon,Duchess.”
Duchesssaidnothing,justfollowedhermotherintothehouse,lookingbackonce,wherethemanstayed,likehe’dbeensenttheretoguardher.
Inthemeleehisshirthadbeentorn,anditwasasthemooncaughthimshesawit.Thecrisscrossofscarsthatcoveredhim,raisedandangryandfresh.
6
THETIREDNESSRANOVERHER,uncontended,sheletit,laboredstepsandbreathsandburningeyes,earsfullofsmotheredsoundsattimessodistantshedidnotreact.
Shefeltthesmalltugonherhand,thefaceofherbrother,earnest,hisnightwasspentindreams.
“Areyoualright?”heworried.
Duchesscarriedhisbagandhers.Abruiseonherforearm,whereshe’dfallen.Inherbagwasherpaper,halfdone,herfamilytree.Hergradesweremiddling,sheknewtokeepthemthatway.Shedidnotcutanymore,triednottogetinshit,shecouldnotriskanykindofinvolvementfromStar.Parents’eveningsshewouldmaketheexcuse,Mymotherhaswork,youknowhowitis.Sheatealone,scaredincasetheotherkidssawwhatshe’dmade.Sometimesjustbutteredbread,sostaleitcouldbesnapped.Somehaditworse,sheknewthat,justdidnotwishtojointhem.
“Isleptonyourbed,youkeptkickingmeinthenight,”Duchesssaid.
“Sorry.IthoughtIheardnoises.MaybeIwasdreaming.”
Shewatchedhimrunaheadalittle,intotheneighbor’sfrontyard,wherehefoundalongstickandbroughtitback,likeadog.Hehelditoutanduseditasacane,pretendinghewasanoldmantillshelaughed.
Andthenthefrontdooropened.BrandonRock,hetendedhisMustangwiththekindofattentionStarsaidhe’dhavebeenbettershowinghisex-wife.
HeworeaLettermanjacket,sofadedandtightthesleevesstoppedmidforearm.HeglaredatRobin.“Youstayawayfromthecar.”
“Hedidn’tgonearit.”
Brandoncrossedthegrassandstoodclosetoher.“Youknowwhat’sunderthatcover?”Hemotionedtowardthecar,thebluetarpwrappedittight.EachnightshewatchedBrandonputittobedlikeafirstborn.
“Mymothersaidit’sapenisextension.”
Shesawhischeeksflush.
“It’sa’67Mustang.”
“Sixty-seven,sameyearthatjacketwasmade.”
“That’smynumber.Askyourmotheraboutme.All-state.Usedtocallmethebullrush.”
“Theballrash?”
Robinwalkedbackoverandgrabbedherhand.ShefeltBrandonwatchingherthewholewayupthestreet.
“What’shesomadabout?Ididn’tgoneartheMustang.”
“He’sjustpissedbecausehewantedtodateMomandsheblewhimoff.”
“DidDarkestopbylastnight?”
Aheadtherewassunlight,shuttersupandshopkeepersreadying.
“Ididn’thear.”
DuchesspreferredCapeHaveninwinter,wherehonestystrippedawaytheveneerandleftatownliketherest.Shesufferedthesummer,longandbeautifulandugly.
ShesawCassidyEvansandherfriendssittingoutsideRosie’s,shortskirtsandtannedlegs,touslingtheirhairandpoutingateachother.
“Let’sgodownVermont,”Robinsaid,andshelethimleadher,awayfromMainandthegirlsthatwouldlaugh.“What’llwedothissummer?”
“Samethingwealwaysdo.Hangout,gotothebeach.”
“Oh.”
Hekepthiseyesdown.“NoahisgoingtoDisney.AndMason,he’sgoingtoHawaii.”
Sheputahandonhisshoulderandgaveitasqueeze.“I’llfindsomethingforus.”
RobinranovertothetreesbyFordham.Shewatchedhimpartthewillowandmovebeneath,hewouldtryandclimbthelowbranch.
“Morning.”
Duchessturned,shehadbeentootiredtohearthecruiser,driftedtoofartonoticeWalkpullupbeside.
Shestoppedaminuteandhekilledtheengine,tookoffhissunglassesandwatchedhertooclose.
“Everythingalright?”
“Sure.”SheblinkedawayDarke’shand,hermother’sscream.
Walkletithangthere,fiddledwithhisradioanddrummedthedoor.“Lastnight,allokay?”
Healwaysfuckingknew.“Ijustsaid,didn’tI.”
Hesmiledthen.Heneverrodeheraboutanythingatall.Hewatchedout,butDuchessknewsometimesadultsthoughtwatchingoutmeantdoingshitthat’dleadtothekindofconsequencesthatrippledfarfromthem.
“Alright,”hesaid.
Hishandshook,thumbandindexfingermeetingoverandover.
Heclockedhernoticingandpulleditintothecruiser.Shewonderedhowmuchhedrank.
“Youknowyoucantalktome,Duchess.”
Shefelttootiredforit,hisfat,kindfaceandloadedeyes.Hewassoft,jelly,pudding.Softsmile,softbody,softwayoflookingatherworld.Shehadnouseforsoft.
WhentheygottoschoolshesawRobinintokindergartenandthenwavedtoMissDoloresandturned.Lastdaysofschool,sheneededtokeeplow,butthepaperwasaproblem,herfamilytreewouldgetherintoshit.Shedidn’tmissassignments.Herstomachhurtandsheplacedahandthere,feelingtheknotalltightlikesomethingbadwascoming.Shecouldn’tstandbeforetheclass,sayshedidn’tknowwhoherfatherwas.Shecouldnotdothat.
Inthehallsshefoundherlocker,triedtosmileatthegirlbesidebutgotnothingback.Ithadbeenlikethatalongtime,liketheotherkidsknew,allshewas,spent,responsibilityandconsequence,notimeforwhattheywantedinafriend.
Inclassshetookherseat,middle,bythewindowwithaviewoutoverthefield.Aclusterofbirdstilledthedirt.
ShethoughtofRobin,who’dcollecthimifshegotdetention.Therewasnoone.Noone.Sheswallowedalump,hereyeshot.Shedidnotcry.
Thedooropened,anditwasn’tMr.Lewis.Anoldladyshuffledin,holdingaStyrofoamcup,steamlines,coffee,glasseshungfromstring.Asubstituteteacher
Duchessslumpedonthedeskwhentheladytoldthemtogetouttheirtextbooksandhavealittlequiettime.
***
Walkfoundhimonthelot,vacantnow,theFairlawnhouselittlemorethanrubble.Menclearedthesite,makingitsafe,diggersmovedwoodandslateandloadedtrucksreadytocartthememoryaway.
Darkewatchedthem,hispresencealoneenoughtoseethempickupthepace.WhenhesawWalkhestraightenedupalittle,andWalkcouldn’thelpbuttakeastepback.
“Nicedayouthere.Leahsaidyoucalledthestation.Troubleattheclubagain?”
“No.”
Nosmalltalk,nomatterhowhardWalktried.Itwasnotpossibletogetthemantosaymorethanabsolutely,painfully,necessary.
Walktuckedashakinghandintohispocket.“So?”
Darkepointedtothehousebehind.“Iownthatplace.”
Thesmallhomebehind,peelingshuttersandrottingporch,anefforttokeepitbutitlookedaboutreadytobepulleddownandreplaced.
“That’sDeeLane’splace.”Walksawherstandingbythewindow.Hewavedahandbutshestaredstraightpasthim,thewaternowthere,themillion-dollarviewopeningupinacallousbreathofnature.
“Sherentsit.Shewon’tleave.Iservedthepapersintime.”
“I’lltalkwithher.Youknowshe’slivedtherealongtime.”
Nothing.
“Andshehasthegirls.”
Darketurnedaway,towardthesky,maybesomethingfinallylanding.
Walktooktheopportunitytoappraisehim.Blacksuit.SimplewatchwrappedaroundawristasthickasWalk’sankle.Walkwonderedwhathebenched,guessedmaybeafamilycar.
“Whatwillyoudowithitnow,thehouse?”
“Build.”
“Youappliedforapermit?”Walkmonitoredapplications,objectedtothechangeeachandeverytime.“Iheardtherewasalittletroublelastnight.TheRadleyhouse.”
Darkejuststared.
Walksmiled.“Smalltown.”
“Notformuchlonger.DidyouspeaktoVincentKingagain?”
“Hesaid…Imeanhe’sjustgotout,soatthecurrenttime…”
“Youcansayit.”
Walkcoughed.“Hesaidtotellyoutogofuckyourself.”
Darke,hisfaceamaskofsadnessormaybejustdisappointment.Hecrackedhisknuckles,thesoundlikegunshot.Walkcouldonlyimaginethedamagehecoulddowithhissizeeighteenboots.
Walkmovedon,upthesite,brokenground,menattheirmachines,cigaretteshangingandeyessquintingtowardthesun.
“ChiefWalker.”
Walkturnedback.
“MissLanecantakeanotherweek.Ihaveastorageplace.Ifshe’sgotanythingtellhertoleaveitoutfront,I’llhaveitcollectedandkept.Nocharge.”
“That’sgoodofyou.”
InDee’syardwasasmalldeckandthekindofneatborderofflowersthatspokeofprideofplace,nomatterhowsmallthatplacewas.He’dknownhertwentyyears,eachofthemshe’dspentinthehomeonFortunaAvenue.She’dbeenmarried,tillherhusbandfuckedaroundandleftherwiththebillsandtwokidstobringup.
Deemethimatthescreendoor.“Ishouldfuckingmurderhim.”Shewassmall,maybefive-one,attractiveinahardway,likethepastyearshadgunneddownthepersonshehadoncebeen.HeragainstDarke,mismatchdidn’tcomeclose.
“Icanfindyousomeplaceto—”
“Fuckoff,Walk.”
“IsDarkeright?Isittoday?”
“It’stoday,doesn’tmakehimrightthough.ThreeyearsIrentedthisplacefromhim,afterhetookonthemortgage…dealtwiththebank.ThentheFairviewhousefell,openedupmyviewandIgetthisinthemail.”Shefishedthroughastackofpapersandthrusttheletterathim.
Hereaditcarefully.“I’mrealsorry.Canyoutalktosomeone?”
“I’mtalkingtoyou.”
“Idon’tthink,legally…”
“HetoldmeIcouldstayhere.”
Walkreadtheletteragain,thenthenoticepapers.“Icanhelpyouboxthings.Thegirls,dotheyknow?”
Deeclosedhereyes,openedthemtotearsandshookherhead.OliviaandMolly,sixteenandeight.
“Darkesaidyoucantakeanotherweek.”
Deetookabreaththen.“Youknowwedatedonce…afterJack.”
Walkknew.
“Ithought…ImeanDarke,he’snice-looking,buthe’safuckingfreak,Walk.There’ssomethingmissing.I’mnotevensurewhatitis,there’sjustacoldnesstothatman.Likearobot.Andhewouldn’ttouchme.”
Walkfrowned.
“Youknowwhatthatmeans.”
Hefelthischeeksburn.
“I’mnotdesperateornothing,butyoudatefiveorsixtimesandit’snatural.Butnotwithhim.There’snothingnaturalaboutDickieDarke.”
Seeingboxesinthefrontyard,hemovedtofetchtheminbutshetoldhimtoleavethem.“It’salltrash.Istartedboxingupmylifethismorning.AndyouknowwhatIrealized?”
Shecried,nonoiseorsobbing,justthesteadyfalloftears.
“Ifailedthem,Walk.”
Hewenttospeakbutsheheldupherhand,soclosetobreaking.“Ifailedmygirls.I’vegotnohomeforthemnow.I’vegotnothing.”
***
ThatnightwhenRobinandhermotherweresleepingsheclimbedfromherbedroomwindowandwheeledherbicyclefromthehouse.
Dusk,bluedaybrokedown,trashcansout,thesmellofbarbeque.Duchesswashungry,neverquiteenoughtofillher.ShemadesureRobinateallhecould.
SheturnedontoMayer,thelowhillfallingaway,lettingthebikecoast,streamersononeside.Sheworeshortsandnohelmet,hertopzippedandsandalsonherfeet.
SheslowedattheturnforSunsetRoad.
TheKinghousehadalwaysbeenherfavorite,thewayitstood,part-ruin,flippingoffthesurround.
Shesawhimstraightoff.
Thegaragedoorwasup,themanonaladder,gentlyremovingslate.He’dstrippedhalf,arolloftarpaperlay,toolslikehammersandpicksandawheelbarrowfullofdryanddustyrock.Hehadalampanditshedjustenoughlight.
She’dseenphotosofSissy,theywerethesamekindofgirl,lighthairandeyesandfrecklesatopsmallnoses.
Shecrossedslowly,legsout,thesaddlehurting,balancingthiswayandthat,onefootpushing.
“Youwereatmyhouse.”
Heturned.“I’mVincent.”
“Iknowthat.”
“Ionceknewyourmother.”
“Iknowthattoo.”
Hesmiledthen,notreal,maybelikeitwascalledfor,likehewaslearningtobesomethingagain.Shedidnotsmileback.
“Isyourmotheralright?”
“She’salwaysalright.”
“Howaboutyou?”
“Youdon’tneedtoaskthat.I’manoutlaw.”
“ShouldIbeworried?Outlawsarebad,right?”
“WildBillHickokkilledtwomenbeforehebecamesheriff.MaybeI’llstraightenoutoneday,maybeIwon’t.”
Shewheeledalittlecloser.Hewassweaty,hisT-shirtdarkatthechestandbeneaththearms.Abovethegaragewasanoldhoop,thenetgone,shewonderedifherememberedplaying,ifherememberedanythingaboutbefore.
“Freedom,”shesaid.“Isittheworstthingtotake?Worsethananything.Maybeitis.”
Heclimbeddowntheladder.
“Youhaveascaronyourarm.”
Helookeddownathisforearm,thescarranthelength,notangry,justthere.
“Andyouhavescarsalloveryourbody.Didyougetbeateninthere?”
“Youlooklikeyourmother.”
“Don’tletthatfoolyou.”
Shescootedbackalittle,fussedwiththesmallbowinherhairashewatched.“Subterfuge.Peopleseeagirlandnothingelse.”
Sherolledthebicyclebackandforth.
Hefoundascrewdriverandwalkedoverslowly.“Thebrakeissticking,that’swhyit’shardtopedal.”
Shewatchedhimcarefully.
Hekneltbyherleg,carefulnottotouchherskin,andfiddledwiththebrakethenstoodandmovedback.
Sherockedagain,feltthewheelmoveeasy,turnedasthemoonfell,starredskybehindhimandtheoldhome.
“Don’tcomebyourhouseagain.Wedon’tneedanyone.”
“Alright.”
“Idon’twanttohavetohurtyou.”
“Idon’twantthateither.”
“Thatboythatbrokeyourwindow,hisnameisNateDorman.”
“Goodtoknow.”
Sheturnedandslowlyrodeback,awayfromhim,towardhome.
Whenshereachedherstreetshesawthecar,thehoodsolongitjuttedfromtheirdriveway.Darkewasbackagain.
Shepedaledhardanddroppedherbiketothegrass,frantic,sheshouldnothavegone.Shemoveddownthesideofthehouseandthenintothedoorbythekitchen,quiet,sweatrollingdownherspine.Shetookthephonefromthecradleonthewall.Andthensheheardit,laughing,hermother’slaugh.
Shewatchedfromshadowstheycouldnotsee.Abottleonthecoffeetable,halfgone,aclusterofredflowers,thekindtheysoldatthegasstationonPensacola.
Sheleftthemandsteppedoutintotheyard,climbedbackthroughthewindowandcheckedtheirbedroomdoorwasstilllocked.Shepeeledoffhershorts,kissedRobin’shead,thenopenedthedrapesandlayatthefootofhisbed.Shewouldnotsleeptillthegiantmanwasgone.
7
“TELLMEABOUTTHEGIRL,”Vincentsaid.
Theysatatthebackoftheoldchurch.Throughthewindowwasthecemeteryandbeyondthattheocean,eachgivenstainedcolors.They’dstoppedbySissy’sgrave,Walkleavinghisfriendaloneforawhile.Vincenthadbroughtflowers,droppedtohiskneesandreadthestone.Hestayedthereanhour,tillWalkcameandgentlyrestedahandonhisshoulder.
“Duchess,she’solderthansheshouldbe,youknow.”Walkguessedheknewbetterthanmost.
“AndRobin?”
“Shelooksoutforhim.Duchessdoeswhathermothershould.”
“Thefather?”
Walklookedattheoldbenches,paintedwhite,dropletshadmadeittothestonefloor.Theroofwashighandarchedandintricatelyknotted,thekindofbeautifulthatimpelledvacationerstotakephotographsandpacktheplaceouteverySunday.
“Nothinginit,bothtimes.Shewasseeingacoupleguysbackthen,shewasoutalot,I’dseehercomebackinthemorning.”
“Walkofshame.”
“Therewasn’tshameinit.YoueverknowStartocare?”
“I’mnotsureIknowStaratall.”
“Youdo.She’sthesamegirlyoutooktojuniorprom.”
“IwroteHal.Herfather.”
“Didhewriteback?”
“Hedid.”
Tenminutespassed,Walkwonderingbutnotwantingtoknow.Star’sfatherwashard.HehadacresinMontana,theCapetoopainfuleventovisit.Hehadnotmethisgrandchildren.
“Atfirsthetoldmetokillmyself.”
Walklookedatthesaintedwall,thedepictionsofjudgment,andforgiveness.
“Imight’vedoneit.Thenhechangedhismind.Deathwastoogood.Hesentmeaphotoofher.”Vincentswallowed.“Sissy.”
Walkclosedhiseyesasthesuncutthroughandfoundthepulpit.
“Youbeenintotownyet?”
“Idon’tknowthisplaceanymore.”
“Youwillknowitagain.”
“IhadtogointoJenningstopickupsomepaint.IsawErnieownstheplacenow.”
“Didhegiveyouahardtime?Icantalktohim.”Erniehadbeenoneofthewalkersthatnight.He’dbeenthefirsttoseeWalkraisehishand,thefirsttorunbackoverthenstopdeadatthescene,doubleoverandretchatthesightofthelittlegirl.
Theystoodtogetherandwalkedout,throughthegreengrassandovertheleaninggravestones.Atthecliffedgetheywatchedwaterbreakoverjaggedrocktwohundredfeetbelow.
Walkfeltdizzyatthesight.“Ithinkaboutitoften.Howwewere.IseetheCapeHavenkids,likeDuchess,andIthinkofmeandyouandStarandMartha.Starsaidtomesomedaysshestillfeelsfifteen.Wecangettogether,thethreeofus.Intime,wecangetthingsback.Itwassimpler,right.Itwas—”
“Listen,Walk.Whatyouthinkyouknow,ormightknow,aboutwhathappenedovertheyears.WhateverIwas,I’mnotnow.”
“Howcomeyoudidn’tletmevisit,afteryourmother?”
Vincentkepthiseyesonthescene,likehehadn’theard.“Hewroteme,Hal.Everyyear.OnSissy’sbirthday.”
“Youshouldn’t—”
“Sometimesitwasshort,toremindme,likeIneededit.Othertimeshewentonfortenpages.Itwasn’tallanger,somewasonchange,whatIcoulddo,howIcouldletotherslivetheirlivesandnotpullthemdown.”
Walkgotitthen,itwasnotself-preservationofanykind,thewayhe’dreasonedit.
“Ifyoucan’trightawrong,ifyoucan’teverdothat…”
Togethertheywatchedatrawler,TheSunDrift,Walkknewit,bluepaintandrust,curvedlinesofsteelandwire.Itmovedsilentfromwheretheywere,nowavesjustthecarveofitshull.
“Somethingsjustare,right.There’sareason,always,buttalkwon’tchangeanyofit.”
TherewasmuchWalkwantedtoaskaboutthelastthirtyyearsofhisfriend’slife,butthescarsonVincent’swriststoldhimitmightwellbeworsethanhecouldeverhaveimagined.
Theywalkedbacktowardtowninsilence,Vincentkeepingtothesidestreets,headdown,always.“Star,”hesaid.“Shesawalotofguysthen?”
Walkshrugged,and,foramoment,thoughthehadheardtheslightestnoteofjealousyinVincent’svoice.
Hewatchedhisfriendwalkaway,backtowardSunset,topatchuptheold,emptyhouse.
AfterlunchWalkmadethedrivetoVancourHillHospital.
Herodetheelevatortothefourthfloor,tookhisplaceinthewaitingroomandreadaglossy,pagesofstarkhomesasminimalistastheirkeepers,reflectedlightallsanitarystucco.Hekepthisheadlow,thoughtheotherpersonwasayoungwomanasdeterminedashim,thereinbetrayingbody,minddisplaced.
Hisnamecalled,hemovedfast,nooutwardsign,nomattertheachesandpains,onlyafewhoursearlierhecouldbarelystand.
“Thepillsaren’tworking,”hesaid,ashesat.Theofficewasuniform,theonlypersonaltouchaframedphotothatfacedaway.ThedoctorwasKendrick.
“Yourhandagain?”Kendricksaid.
“Everything.Ahalfhourtogetupeachday.”
“Butyouhaven’tsloweddown,inotherways?Walking?Smiling?”
Hesmileddespitehimself.Shereturnedit.
“Justthehands,thearms.Stiffness.Nothingmore,Iknowit’llcome.”
“Andyouhaven’ttoldanyone.Still?”
“Theychalkmeasaboozehound.”
“Andyou’reokaywiththat?”
“Mylineofwork,it’sagoodfit,right?”
“Youknowyou’llhavetotellsomeone.”
“Andthenwhat?Iwon’tsitbehindadesk.”
“Youcouldtrysomethingelse.”
“Itellyou,youeverseemewastingmydaysonsomefishingboat,youjustcomedownandshootme.Beingapolicemanis…Ilikemyplace.Ilikemylife.Iwanttokeepboth.”
Kendricksmiledasadsmile.“Anythingelse?”
Hestaredout,thewindowmorethanaviewthen,awaytoleavehimselfwhilehedetailedwhatneededsaying.Alittletroublepissing,alittletroubleshitting.Andmorethanalittletroublesleeping.Kendricksaiditwasnormal,madesuggestions,losealittleweight,diet,therapy,changingdose,Levodopa.Nothinghedidnotknow.Hewasnotsomeonethatwalkedblindlyintomedicating.Hespenthisfreetimeinthelibrary,readingup,sixstages,Braak’sHypothesis,evenbacktoJamesParkinson.
“Fuck,”hesaid,thenraisedahand.“I’msorryforcursing.Idon’tdothat.”
“Fuck,”Kendrickagreed.
“Ican’tlosemyjob.Ijustcan’t.Thepeopleneedme.”Hewonderedifthatweretrue.“It’sonlytherightside,”helied.
“There’sagroup.”
Hemadetostand.
“Please,”shesaid,andhetookthepamphlet.
***
Duchesssatonthesand.ShehuggedherkneesasshewatchedRobin,ankledeepandhuntingshells.Hehadacollection,mostlyfragments,hispocketsfittoburst.
Offleftwasagroupofkidsfromherschool,thegirlsinbathingsuitsandtheboystossingaball.Thenoisefloatedon,rightthroughher.Shehadthatability,tofeeltotallyaloneonabeachfullofpeople,inaclassfullofkids.Shegotthatfromhermother,butshefoughtitwitheverythingshehad.Robinneededstability,notapissyteenagesisterwhobitchedherwaythroughhershittylife.
“Another,”Robincalled.
Shestoodandwalkedover,thewatercoldforamoment,linesofruggedcoaststretchedfarineitherdirection.ShefixedRobin’ssunhatandfelthisforearms,warm,theycouldnotaffordlotion.“Don’tburn.”
“Iknow.”
Shehelpedhimsearch,fishedaperfectsanddollarfromtheclearestofwaterandwatchedhimsmile.
RobinsawRickyTallowandranathim,thetwogreetingeachotherwithhugsthatmadehersmile.
“Hi,Duchess.”LeahTallow.Shewasplain,thekindofevenfeaturesthatDuchesssometimeswishedherownmotherhad.Justamom,notasingerinabarwithherassandtitsout,notthekindofwomanmenstaredatwhentheywalkedalongthebeach.
“Wehavetogosoon.”Robin’sfacefellbuthedidn’tsayanything.
“Wecanrunhimbackifyouwanttogeton.Whereisityoulive?”
“IvyRanchRoad.”Ricky’sfather,headofgreyhairlongbeforeheshould’ve,thekindofbagsbeneathhiseyesthatseemedtogetheaviereverytimeDuchesssawtheman.
Leahshotherhusbandalook.
Helookedaway,emptiedoutabagfullofbeachtoysandRobineyedthem,keepinghismouthstraight.Hewouldn’taskher,shehatedthat,lovedhimforitbutstillhatedthat.
Sheweigheditawhile.“Yousure?”
“Ofcourse.Ricky’sbrotherisjoininguslater.Hecanshowtheboyshowtotossaball.”
RobinlookedupatDuchess,wideeyes.
“We’lldrophimbackbeforedinner.”
DuchesstookRobinaside,kneltinthesandandcuppedhisfacetight.“Youknowtobegood.”
“Yeah.”Heglancedoverhisshoulder,whereRickywasbeginningtodigoutachannel.“Yes,I’llbegood.Iswear.”
“Don’tleavethem,don’trunoff,bepolite.Don’tsaynothingaboutMom.”
Robinnodded,hismostseriousface,andthenshekissedhishead,wavedtoLeahTallowandcrossedthehotsandtograbherbicycle.
ShewassweatingbythetimeshereachedSunsetRoad,gotoffandpushedthelastfifty.OutsidetheKinghouseshestopped.
OntheporchVincentsanded,hisbackbentassweatdrippedfromhischin.Shewatchedawhile.Hehadmuscles,lowandtightonhisarms,notthebulgingkindshesawonthebeach.Shecrossedthestreetandstoodattheendofhisdriveway.
“Youwanttohelp?”Vincenthadstopped,sittingnow,ablockandsandpaperinhand,heofferedoutanother.
“WhythefuckwouldIwanttodothat?”
Hewentbacktowork.Sheproppedherbikeagainstthefenceandmovednearer.
“Youwantadrinkorsomething?”
“You’reastranger.”
Shenoticedhehadatattoothatshowedwhenhestretched,peekingfrombeneaththearmofhisT-shirt.Heworkedonforanothertenminutes.
Shemovednearerstill.
Hestopped,satagain.“Thatman…theothernight,youknowhim?”
“Helooksatmelikeheknowsme.”
“Doeshestopbyoften?”
“Moreandmorelately.”Shewipedsweatfromherheadwiththebackofherarm
“YouwantmetotellWalk?”
“Idon’twantanythingfromyou.”
“Yougotanyoneelseyoucancall?”
“I’manoutlaw,itsayssointherecords.”
“Youwanttocallme,ifithappensagain?”
“DallasStoudenmirekilledthreemeninfiveseconds.IthinkIcanhandleone.”Sheshiftedherweightandleanedononehip,thenmovednearerandsatonthebottomstep,fivedownfromhim.
Heturnedandbentandbegantosandagain,sweepinghishand,even,firm.Shereachedout,tooktheotherblockandgottoworkonherstep.
“Howcomeyoudon’tsellthisshittyhouse?”
Hekneltlikehewasprayingbeforetheoldplace.
“Peoplesay…Imean,IheardtheminRosie’sandtheyweresayingyoucouldgetamillionbucksorsomethingcrazy.Andyouwanttostayhere.”
Helookedbehindatthehouse,forsolongitwaslikehecouldseesomethingshecouldnot.“Mygreat-grandfatherbuiltthishouse.Thistown,CapeHaven,whenWalkdrovemeinIwasgladIstillknewpartsofit.It’snotjustthevacationersthatchanged,it’s…”Hepausedlikehedidnotknowwhattosay.“Ididn’tthinkIwasallbad,backthen.WhenIseeit,whenIlookbackthatfarIseesomeonethatwasn’tallbad.”
“Andnow?”
“Prisonhasawayofturningthelightout.Andthishouseit’s…asmallflamemaybe,butit’sstillburning.IfIletitgo,ifIletthatlastlightgo,thenit’salldark,andIwon’tbeabletoseeitanymore.”
“Seewhat?”
“Youeverthinkpeoplelookatyoubutdon’treallyseeyou?”
Sheletthatsit.Fussedwithherbow,tuckedherlaceintohersneaker.“WhathappenedtoSissy?”
Hestoppedagain,thistimesatback,onearminthesun,eyessquinttoher.“Yourmotherdidn’ttellyou?”
“Iwantyoutotellme.”
“Itookmybrother’scarout.”
“Wherewashe?”
“Hewenttowar.YouknowaboutVietnam?”
“Yes.”
“IwantedtoimpressagirlsoItookheroutinthecar.”
Sheknewwhothegirlwas.
“AfterIdroppedherhomeIdroveCabrillo—youknowthebendbythetownsign?”
“Yes.”
Hespokequiet.“Ididn’tknowI’dhither.Ididn’tevenslow.”
“Whywassheout?”
“Shewaslookingforhersister.Yourgrandfather,heworkednightssometimes,thatfactory,TallowConstruction.Thatstillthere?”
Sheshrugged.“Justabout.”
“Sohesleptthedaysoff.Starwasinchargeofher.”
“ButStarwasn’tthere.”
“Icalledher.Wehadacouplebeers.Us,andWalkandMarthaMay.Youknowher?”
“No.”
“Ilosttrackoftime.She’dleftSissyinfrontofthetelevisionset.”Hisvoicehadnodepth.Theroterecitalthatmadeherwonderwhatwasleftofhim.
“Howdidtheyfindyou?”
“IthinkWalkwasacopevenbackthen.Hecametomyplacethatsamenight.Sawthecar,thedamage.”
Theyworkedoninsilence.Shegritherteethandsmoothedthewood,sohardhershoulderpained.
“Youneedtolookoutforyourself,”hesaid.“Iknowthatkind.Darke.Isawmenlikethat,somethingintheeyes,notright.”
“I’mnotscared.I’mtough.”
“Iknow.”
“Youdon’t.”
“Youhaveabrothertolookoutfor.It’salotofresponsibility.”
“Ilockourbedroomdoorsohedoesn’tseenothing.Andanythinghehearshechalkstobaddreams.”
“Youlockhiminside,isthatsafe?”
“Saferthanwhat’soutside.”
Shewatchedhimthen,hismindfar,likehewasweighingsomethingheavy.
Awhilebeforehefinallymethereye.“You’reanoutlaw?”
“Iam.”
“Thengivemeaminute.I’vegotsomethingforyou.”
Shewatchedhimgo,intothehouse,andshewonderedaboutabsolution.Sheknewreprievewasatemporarynotion,sofleetingwhenshesawhimreturnitwaslikewatchingadeadmanwalking.
8
“SOMETIMESITHINKSHEHATESme.”
WalkglancedatStarbutshedidnotlookback.Therewasacalmtoherthatmorning,heknewitwouldnotlast.
“She’sateenager.”
“Youreallybelievethat’sallitis,Walk?Idon’tneedbullshit,notfromyou.”
AstheypassedBrandonRock’splaceWalksawthedrapesmove,andthenBrandonwasout.Hefoughtthelimp,mouthtightashecrossedtheyard.WalkstalledalittleandStarsighed.
“Morning.”BrandonsmiledatStar.
“Youwokehalfthestreetagain,Brandon.YoubestfixthatengineorDuchesswillcomeoutanddoitforyou.”
“That’sa1967—”
“Iknowwhatcaritis.Yourfather’scar,samecaryou’vebeenworkingonforthepasttwentyyears.Ievensawyoutalkingaboutthefuckingthinginthelocalnewspaper.”
Thespreadhadbeencrude,alocallivesspotburiedneartheclassifieds.Brandontalkedpistonsforhalfapagethenlayacrossthehood,hairfeathered,poutinglips.DuchesshaddefacedtheircopywithamarkerthentapedittoBrandon’sfrontgate.
“It’llbefixedupintimeforJuly4th.SoIwaswonderingifyouwantedtoheaduptoClearwaterCove.Icouldmakeusapicnic.Twinkies,right.YoulikeTwinkies.Pineapplechicken.Ievengotafonduepot.”Hecarriedhisdumbbell,curling,theveinsinhisrightarmpopping.
“Idon’twanttodateyou,Brandon.You’vebeenaskingmeoutsincehighschoolandit’sgettingtired.”
“YouknowoneofthesedaysI’lljustgiveuponyou,Star.”
“CanIhavethatinwriting?”
ShetookWalk’sarm,strolledon.
“Hestillthinkswe’reinhighschool,”Starsaid.
“Andhe’sstillsoreaboutlosingyoutoVincent.”
WhentheyreachedtheendofIvyRanchRoadhelookedback,andsawBrandonRockstillstandingthere,staringafterthem.
Theywalked,aweeklyritualthathadgoneonnearadecade.WalkstoppedbyonaMondaymorningandmadesureStargotoutofthehouseandtalked.Itwasn’tmuch,butsometimeshethoughtthatroutinewasgoodforher.Ifshewouldn’ttalktoashrink,shecouldtalktohim.
“So,howishe?”
“He’salright.”
Shesquinted.“Whatthefuckdoesthatmean,Walk?Alright.Givemesomething.”
“Iheard.Aboutwhathappenedtheothernight.”
“Myhero,right.Ihaditundercontrol.Idon’tneedVincentfuckingKingshowinguptofightmybattles.”
“Heusedtofightallofourbattles.RememberwhentheJohnsonboythoughtIstolehisbike.”
Starlaughed.“Likeyou’dstealanything.”
“Hewasbig.”
“NotbigenoughtotakeVincent.Ilikedthatabouthim.Hewastough,butonlywesawbeneathit.Sissyusedtolovehim.We’dbeonthecouchandshe’dcomeandjaminbetweenus.Hespenttimewithher,youknow.Tookherdrawingshomeandkeptthem.”
“Iremember.”
“Youremembereverything,Walk.”
“Why’dyoulethimround?Darke.He’snotright.”
“It’snothing,notwhatyouthink.Igotpissedwithhim.Istartedit.It’sforgotten.I’mpullingashiftattheclubtonight.”
AtthecornerofSunsethestalledalittle,andsheglancedpasthimattheKinghouse.Heletherlead,andsheledthemawayanddowntowardthebeach.Carspassed,thenanSUV.HesawitwasEdTallow,raisedahandbutEd’seyesdidn’tstrayfromStarashepassed.
WalkloosenedhistieasStarkickedoffhersandalsandsteppedontothehotsand.Hefollowed,hisshoesfillingassheracedtowardthewater,heelskickingupastheyburned.Shestoppedankledeepandlaughedasheploddedhiswaytoher.
Theystrolledtheline.
“IknowI’mfailing,Walk.”
“You’renot—”
“IknowI’mfuckinguptheonethingI’msupposedtobegoodat.”
“Duchesslovesyou.She’sahandful,butIseethewayshelooksoutforyou.AndRobin—”
“Robin’seasy.He’sall…he’sthebestofme.He’saprince.”
Theysatinthesand.
“Thirtyyears,Walk.Andthenbam,justbackintothetownyouleftbehind.Ithoughtabouthim,toomuchIthoughtabouthimovertheyears.AndIknowyoulikedthat,youwantedtotalkabouthimlikewe’reallthesamepeople.”
Hefelttheheatthen,thesweatacrosshisback.“Youdothis,getdrunkorhighandnearlydie,andthenwewalkandtalkandnothingmuchchanges.”
“Youwerecursedwithpathologicalhonesty,Walk.Youcarryweightyoudon’tevensee.It’snotmewhoDuchesslooksupto,it’syou.”
“No,it’snot—”
“Youremindherofeverythinggood.Youarethemaninherlife,thepersonthatdoesn’tlieorcheatorfuckpeopleover.Shedoesn’tsayit,butsheneedsyou.Andyoucan’teverletherdown,becausethat’dbeliketurningoutthelight.”
“You’llbealright.Youcanbethatpersonforher.”
Shetilledthesand,scoopeditandletitrunthroughherfingers.“WhatdoIdo?HowdoIstopbeingme?”
“Seehim.”
“Forgivehim?”
“That’snotwhatI’msaying.”
“EverytimeIslippedorfell,itwashimIwasthinkingabout.I’mnotstrongenoughtodealwithit.Whatitallmeans,whathavinghimbackinmylifemeans.Andit’snotjustmylife.”
“He’sbetterthanDickieDarke.”
“Fuck,Walk.You’relikeakid.Betterandworse.Badandgood.Noneofusareanyonething.We’rejustacollectionofthebestandworstthingswe’vedone.VincentKingisamurderer.Hekilledmysister.”Hervoicewavered.“Ishould’vemoved.Ishould’vemovedlikeMarthadid,lefttheCapebehind.”
“I’vewatchedoutforyou,andthechildren.”
Shegrippedhishand.“AndIloveyouforit.You’rethebestfriendIeverhad.There’sagrandplan,Walk.There’scosmicforces,causeandeffect.”
“Youreallybelievethat?”
“Theuniversefindsawaytobalancethegoodandthebad.”Shestoodanddustedthesandfromher.“Whenheasks,youtellhimIwasdonewithhimalongtimeago.Anddon’tmentionhimagain,Walk.AndasforDuchessandRobin,they’reallthatmatters.AndI’lldoallIcantoprovethattothem.”
Hewatchedherleave,andthenturnedbacktotheocean.Theywerewordshehadheardmanytimesbefore,andwordsheprayedthatthistimeshemeant.
***
Midnightandalowrumble,headlightssweptacrosstheroom,theclosetwithoutdoors,thedresserwiththebrokendrawer.
Nopostersofherown,artwork,hintsatherthirteenyears.Acarpetwornthin,nylonthreadingtobareboards,andasmallbedbesideherbrother’swheresheslepttormentedhours.
ShecheckedRobin,sound,outofhissheets,airsowarmhishairwasslick.Sheclosedthedoortight,thenwenttothestreetdoorandopeneditonthechain.
Starlayondeadgrass.
Duchesswentcautiously.
Upthestreet,thecoruscationofbrakelightsastheEscalademadetheturnaway.
Duchessrolledhermotherover,skirthitched,indecent.
“Star.”
Amarkbyhereye,herlipfuller,theskinjustaboutdammingtheblood.
“Star,wakeup.”
Acrossthestreetshesawdrapesmove,thesilhouetteofthebutcher,alwayswatching.Andthenbeside,thehardglowofBrandonRock’ssecuritylightasitcastoverthecoveredMustang.
“Comeon.”Sheslappedhermother’scheek.
Tenlongminutestogetherup,anothertenandintothehouse.Starpukedinthehallway,akindofhardretchinglikeshewasbringinguphercharcoalsoul.
Duchessgothertothebedandlayheronherstomach,likesheknew,pulledfreeherheels,crackedherwindowtocigarettesmoke,sweetalcoholandperfume.SometimeshermotherwokeherlatewhenshestumbledinfromashifttendingbaratDarke’splace.Butthiswasthefirsttimeshehadbeenbeaten.
Shewenttothekitchenandfilledabucket.Shecleanedthevomitsoherbrotherwouldnotsee,thenwashedupandpulledonherjeansandsneakers.
Intheirbedroomshefoundherbrothersittingup,avacantlookasshelayhimbacktosleep.Shepushedthebutton,lockedtheirdoor,liftedthewindowandclimbedout.
CapeHavenslept,Duchessrodestreetswithcare,awayfromMainandSunset,whereWalksometimessatandwatchedout.ShethoughtofhermotherandWalk,andthedrawofalcoholanddrugsthatlessenedtheworld.
Amileout,alongCabrillo,ahalfhourandherthighsburned.
Theclubcametoview,TheEight,Duchessknewitbecauseallthekidsknewit.Therewaslightpressuretocloseiteveryfewyears,whentheprimariesopenedandthemayorelectchasedwholesomevotes.
Mondaynight,lateenoughforthelottositempty,theplacelostindark,deadneonandemptiesinthegravel.
AcrossCabrilloDuchesssawthebluff,rocksofnoshape,aclusteroftreeswavedherway,cullingthebreeze.Thewateratnight,sofaranddarkitmightwellhavebeentheedgeofherworld.Notaboatorapassingcar,justher,andshedroppedherbikeandcrossedthelot,triedthebigwooddoorsbutknewthey’dbelockedup.Thewindowswereblackened,peelingatoneedge.AsignpromisedHAPPYHOURFROMTWOTILLSEVEN,Duchesswonderedwhatkindofmanvisitedwhensunlitthesin.
Above,pipedneon,aprofileofassandlegsbutdullednow.Atthesideshefoundarockandhurleditatapane,sawitcrackandtriedagain.Breathlesswhenitbroke,forjustamomentdeafening,thennothingatall.Abeattillthealarmcalledout,soloudshefinallydidhurry.Inherbagwasabookofmatchesandshesteppedthroughthejaggedshape,notcryingoutwhenherarmcaughtandsliced.Shemovedwithaim,foundherselfinadimlylitbackroom,mirrorsoflight,stoolsandmakeupandthekindofcostumesshedidnotknow.Asmell,sweatbutsanitized.
Therewerelockers,toomany,eachcarriedaphoto.Shelookedatfacesandpoutsandswept-backhair.Besidethemwerenamesthatpromisedinnocenceandpurity.Shemovedalongandranahandthroughfeathersandcorsets.
Inthebarglasseslinedinfrontofamirroredwall.ShetookabottleofCourvoisierandemptieditoveraleatherbooth.Shetookthematchesfromherbag,litthebookanddroppedit,watchingtheflamescrawlblueandhypnotic.
Shestoodandstaredforsolongshedidnotnoticewhentheheatreddenedhercheeks,whenherchestgrewtightandshebegantocough.Shestumbledbackasthefirecrawledandgathered.Sheclutchedherarm,bloodonherfingersasflamesranupandout,alongtothelightsandtables.
Almostoutandsheremembered.
Sheranbackthroughthicksmoke,hookedherT-shirtoverhernoseassheopeneddoorafterdoortillshefoundtheoffice.Mahoganydesktoppedwithgreenleather,another,smallerbar,crystalglassandaboxofcigars.Shefoundabankofscreensbesideandopenedthecabinetbeneath,poppedthesecuritytapefromthemachineandshoveditintoherbag.
Shemovedfast,headdownastheflamesranforher.
Inthenightairshepantedandgrabbedherbicycle.OnherT-shirtwerestarsandahalfmoonwithafacethatsmiledout.Behindhersheheardit,cracklingandcarnage.Andthen,finally,thecallofthealarmbeinganswered.
Sherodehard,Cabrillosweepingdownandthenclimbing.Shepassedacar,keptherheadbentthenfollowedthetreesawayfromtheroadandintoCapeHaven.ShecutdownSunsetthenontoFortuna,whereshedrewupbyapileofjunk,anoldsidetable,boxesandtrashbagsspillingandreadytobehauledintothetruck.Shedroppedherbike,ranacrossandstuffedthetapeintoagarbagebag.
She’dcoveredhertracks.Shewassmartenough.
Herstreetandheryard,shemovedasquietasshecould,leftherbikeproppedandclimbedbackthroughthewindow.Thehousestillslept.Inthebathroomshestrippedfromherclothes,paidnomindtothecut,creptnakedtothewasherandgottowork.
Whenshewasdoneshegotintothetub,ranwaterfromtheshowerheadandsoapedandcleaned.Andthen,inthemirror,shepulledahalfinchpieceofglassfromherarmandwatchedbloodpourasitwent.Shelookedatthered,atthehistorythere,heroutlawancestrysteelingher.
Theywerenotafamilythathadamedicinecabinet,orafirst-aidbox,butDuchessfoundapackofchildren’sBand-Aidsshe’dpickedupayearback,selectedthebiggest,stuckitdownhardandwatcheditcolor.
Shelayatthefootofherbrother’sbed,curledlikeacat,waitingforsleepthatdidnotfindher.
Firstlight,thehotnightbehind,shewonderedwhatwouldcome.
Itwouldbebad.
Shecursedherselffully.
9
WALKFOUNDHIMATTHEedgeofthecliff.
Therearfencepulleddown,Vincentstoodwithhistoesfreeoftherock,theslightestwindwouldcarryhimahundredfeetdown.HeworejeansandanoldT-shirt,hiseyescloakedwithtiredness.Walkknewhowhefelt.He’dbeenwokenalittleafterone,thecallaboutDarke’sclub.He’dpulledonhisuniformanddriventhemile,theskylitred.FourthofJulyalloveragain.He’dfollowedtheheat,noiseandlights,leftthecruiseracrosstwolanes,alittletrafficbuildingbutmosthavingthesensetodoubleback.
Darkestoodapartfromtheonlookersassmokeroseandgrayedthesky.Noemotion.
“Youwanttotakeastepbackfromtheedge,Vin?You’rekindofmakingmenervoushere.”
Togethertheywalkedbackuptotheshadeofthehouse.
“Wereyouprayingorsomething,standingtherelikethat?Iworriedyouweregoingtojump.”
“Isthereadifferencebetweenaprayerandawish?”
Walktookhishatoff.“Youwishforwhatyouwant,andprayforwhatyouneed.”
“Prettysuremineareoneandthesame.”
Theysattogetheronthestepsofthereardeck.Newpanelsleanedbesidethem,notyetstained.Itwouldtakealifetimetorestoretheplace.
“Youknowthatguy,DickieDarke?”
“Idon’treallyknowanyone,Walk.”
Walkwaited,didnotpress.
“TheRadleygirl,andStar.HewasgivingthemshitsoIsteppedin.Nooneelseseemsto.”
Walktookit.“Starsaysthey’refriends.Shewon’tpresscharges.”
“Friends.”
Walkhearditagain,thatsoftestnoteofjealousy.Vincentstillcared.
“Hisplace,itburnedlastnight.”
Vincentdidnotspeak.
“HeownsaclubonCabrillo,moneyinthejar.Darkementionedyourname,soIhadto—”
“It’salright,Walk,don’tevenworryaboutit.”
Walkranhishandalongtheleaningrail.“So,youwerehomelastnight.”
“Iimagineamanlikethathasafairfewpeoplepissedathim.”
“I’vegotafairlygoodideawhoIneedtotalkto.”
Vincentlookedover.
“Wehadacall,driver,sawakidonabicycle.”
“Canyoujust,Imean,couldyoujustleaveit?IknowwhatI’msaying,Idon’thavearighttogetinvolved,butshe’sakid.Star’skid.”
“Sheis.Anyway,whoeverdidithadthegoodsensetotakethesecuritytape,solongastheykeepquiet…”
“Right.”
Andthatwasit,VincentsaidnothingelseandWalklefthimtoit.Heloggedtheconversation,hewasdoinghisjob,hewouldalwaysdohisjob.
HeleftVincent,thenfoundthegirlandtheboyonSayer,thelongroute,awayfromMain.Theywalked,Robinoutinfront,crossingyards,everynowandthencheckingbackthathewasn’talone.AndDuchess,thatcarefulwayshecarriedherself,likeshewaslisteningout,expectingtroubleatalltimes.SheturnedashedrewupandregardedhimwiththatsameequanimityhesawinVincent.
Walkkilledtheengine,gotoutandstood,thesuncreepingaboveacladhouse.Thatmorninghishandsdidnotshake,thedopamine,thenewdose.Respitewouldnotlastlong.
“Morning,Duchess.”
Shehadthosetiredeyestoo.Shecarriedherbagandherbrother’s.SheworejeansandoldsneakersandaT-shirtthathadasmallholebeneathonearm.Herhairwastousled,blondlikehermother,thebowthere,likealways.Shewasprettyenoughthattheboyswouldhavelinedup,iftheydidn’tknow,ifeveryonedidn’tknow.
“DoyouknowaboutDarke’splace?”
Helookedforatell,shehadnoneatall.Hewasgladofthat.Hewilledhertoplayitright,togivetheanswersheneeded.
“Itburnedlastnight.Someonesawakidonabicycle,aroundthattime,youknow?”
“Idon’t.”
“Itwasn’tyou?”
“Iwashomeallnight.Youcancheckwithmymother.”
Herestedhishandsonhisbulgingstomach.“Iburiedalotovertheyears.EachtimeIquestionedmyself.Thetimesyougotcaughtstealing—”
“Food,”shesaid,sad.“Itwasjustfood.”
“Thisisdifferent.Alotofmoney,ifsomeonewasintheretheycould’vedied.SomethingsIcan’tprotectyoufrom.”
Theystoodtogetherasacarpassed,aneighbor,oldandlookingon,aquickglanceatthemandthenaway.Star’sgirl,notahintofsurprise.
“IknowaboutDarkeandwhathe’slike.”
Shepalmedhereyes,tootired,hermusclesalltight.“Youdon’tknowshit,Walk.”Shesaiditquietbuthetookithard.“Whydon’tyougostrollupMainandhelpthevacationerswiththeirdogs.”
Helookedforsomethingtosay,insteadhedroppedhiseyestothegrassandthumbedhisbadge,redundancyfithimlikeasecondskin.
Sheturnedandwalkedon,notlookingback.Heknewifitwasn’tforRobinkeepingherstraight,hishandswouldbeallfull.
Attheschoolgateshesawthecar,theEscalade,blackwithwindowsthatshadedouttheworld.Itsatidle,theunknowingpassedby.Yellowbuseslinedlikeflowers.
Sheknewitwouldcome;Staralwaystalkedaboutbalance,causeandeffect.Shewavedoffherbrotherandwatchedhimintothereddoors.
Intheairwasstillfire,floatingembersthatcharredherarmsandclungtohernose.Shewonderedwho’dseenheratthathour,thatnighthourwhenthesociallyconcernedshould’vebeenhomeandsleepingofftheperfectday.Badluck,thatwasall.Apartofherwasglad,becausefuckDickieDarke.
Shecrossedthestreetandwalkeduptothewindowoutsideherschool,whereshewassafe,withteachersandpeoplewhopromisedtonoticestrangers.
Thewindowdropped.Darke’seyes,swollen,bloatedlikehe’dbeendredgedfromthewater,exceptinsteadoftheoceanitwasmoneyandgreedthatfilledhim.
Shestoodstill,herkneesshakingbeneathherjeansbutshefixedhimwithahardlook.
“Getin.”Notangry,notloud.
“Fuckyou.”
Agroupofkidsfromherclasspassedanddidnotseeher,allexcitement,lastweekofschool.Sometimesshewonderedwhatitwouldbelike,alittlemoreordinary,alittlemorenothing.
“Killtheengineandtakethekeyout.”
Hedid.
Shewalkedround.“I’llleavethedooropen.”
Hegrippedthewheel,thickfingers,hugeknuckles.
“Webothknow.”
Shewatchedthesky.“Wedo.”
“Doyouknowabouttheprincipleofcausation?”Helookedsosad,sofuckingbigandtoughandsad.Acreaturenotofthisworld.
“Comeatme.”
“Youdon’tknowwhatyoudid.”
Onthematwasasinglespentbutt,juststubbedandburnedin.Thebrandhermothersmoked.
“You’renotlikeyourmother,”hesaid.
Duchesswatchedabirdholdstillandperfectintheair.
Darkerubbedahandalongthewheel.“She’sgotawayout.Sheowesrent.Ineedafavor.”
“She’snotawhore.”
“DoIlooklikeapimptoyou?”
“Youlooklikeacunttome.”
Thewordsatthereawhile.
“That’sokay.SolongasIdon’tlooklikethemanIreallyam.”Hespokewithaflatnessthatchilledher.
“Youtooksomethinglastnight.”
“You’vegotenough.”
“Whodecideswhatenoughlookslike?”
Shestared.
“Yourmothercanmakethisgoaway.Youneedtoaskher.Thatwouldlevelthingsalittle.”
“Fuckyou,Darke.”
“Thetape,Duchess.Ineedthesecuritytape.”
“Why?”
“TrentonSeven.Youknowwhatthatis?”
“Theinsuranceplace.Iseetheboards.”
“Theywon’tpaythemoneybecausethetapeismissingandtheythinkIhadsomethingtodowiththefire.”
“Youdid.”
Hetookalong,deepbreath.
Shegritherteeth.
“Iwon’tforget.”
Shemethiseye.“Youshouldn’t.”
“Ireallydon’twanttohavetocomeforyou.”Somethinginhisvoicemadeherbelievehim.
“Butyouwill.”
“Iwill.”
Hereachedacrossher,intotheglovecompartment,tookouthissunglasses,notbeforeshesawit,sittingthere,thebarrelfacingher.
“I’llgiveyoutheday.Youtellyourmotherwhatyoudid.Shecanfixit,orI’llhaveto.Andyougetthetapeback.”
“You’llgiveittoWalk.”
“No.”
“Theinsuranceguyswillgetthecopsinvolved.”
“Maybe.Butyougottoaskyourselfsomething,Duchess.”
“Andwhat’sthat,Dick?”Maybehecaughtthetremorthen.
“Wouldyouratherhavethecopscomelookingforyou?Orme?”
“Iheardyoustampedaguytodeath.”
“Hedidn’tdie.”
“Whydidyoudoit?”
“Business.”
“Thetape.MaybeI’llholdontoit.”
Hestaredather,thoseeyesthatboredeep.
“YoustayawayfrommymotherandmaybeonedayI’llgiveitbacktoyou.”
Sheclimbedfromthecar,thenturned.Hewatchedher,studiedher,takingineveryfeature,committinghertomemory.Shewonderedwhathesawasshewalkedintotheschoolbuilding,besideotherkids,theirlivessolighttheydazzledher
Thedaycrawled.Shecheckedtheclockoften,hereyeonthewindow,theteacher’swordsnotreachingherear.Sheatelunchalone,watchedRobinfromthefenceandfeltwhatlittlecontrolsheoncehadslipfromhergrasp.Darkecoulddoimmeasurabledamage.Sheneededthetape.Shebelievedhewouldn’ttakeittoWalk.Shereasonedthereweretwotypesofpeopleintheworld,thekindthatcalledthecopsandthekindthatdidnot.
Whenthebellsoundedshewatchedtheotherkidsfilein,kidsplayingballtriedforonelastplay,CassidyEvansledhergroup.
Duchessslippeddownthesideofthemainbuilding,thenranacrosstotheparkinglotanddriftedthroughFordsandVolvosandNissans.Shewouldgetcaught,nodoubtaboutit,butshe’dtellhermothershewasfeelingsick,timeofthemonth,somethingtheschoolwouldnotpress.
Shewalkedfast,feelingtheeyesofeveryoneshepassed.SheskirtedMainincaseWalkwaslookingoutofthestation.Itwashot,sofuckinghotshecouldbarelybreathe.Sweatalloverher,T-shirtdamp.
WhenshemadeittoFortunashefoundtheoldhouse,foroncegladshehadfuckedup,thatshedidn’tmaketimetodestroythetape.
Butthenshestaredattheyard,allthejunkcleared,thegarbagetruckhadalreadycome.
Thetapewasgone.
Shelookedupanddown,breathinghard,likeherlasthopehaddesertedher.
Shespenttheafternoononthebeach,sittingonthesandandwatchingthewater.Sheclutchedherstomach,thepainwashardandconstantandfollowedherallthewaybacktocollectRobin.
Hetalkedthewholewayhome,abouthisbirthday,aboutbeingsixandwhatcamewiththat.Heaskedforahousekey,shesmiledandstrokedhishair,hermindsomeplaceshehopedhe’dneverfollow.IntheemptyhouseshefixedscrambledeggsandtheyatetogetherinfrontoftheTV.And,whenthesunfell,shegothimintobedandreadtohim.
“Canwehavegreeneggsonetime?”
“Sure.”
“Andham?”
Shekissedhisheadandcutoffhislight,closedhereyesforamoment,thenwoketodarkness.Shewalkedthroughthehouse,turnedonalampandheardmusicfromoutside.
DuchessfoundStaronthedeck,theoldbenchneededpainting.Themoonlithermotherasshestrummedtheoldguitar.Theirsong.Sheclosedhereyes,thewordscuther.
Sheneededtotellhermotherwhatshehaddone,thatshehadtakenamatchandburnedtheverybridgethatkeptthemoutoftroubledwater.Theywereintheshallowsnow,butthedeepwouldcomeforthem,itwouldswallowthemdowntillnotevenmoonlightmadeitthrough.
Duchesstooksteps,feetbare,shedidnotnoticethesplinters.
Thestrumofsoftchords.“Singwithme.”
“No.”
Duchessslidalongtillherheadcametorestonhermother’sshoulder.Nomatterwhatshehaddone,nomatterthatshewastoughandshewasanoutlaw,sheneededhermother.
“Whydoyoucrywhenyousing?”Duchessasked.
“Sorry.”
“Don’tbesorry.”
“Icalledthatguy,themusicguyfromthebar.Hewantedtomeetforadrink.”
“Didyougo?”
Starnoddedslowly.“Men.”
“Whathappenedlastnight?”Shedidnotaskoften,butthistimesheneededclarity.
“Somepeoplejustcan’tholdtheirliquor.”Starshotalookattheneighboringhouse.
“BrandonRock.Hehityou?”
“Itwasanaccident.”
“Hecouldn’ttakenoforananswer.”
Starshookherhead.
Duchesswatchedthetalltreesswayagainstnightsky.“SoDarkedidn’tdonothingthistime.”
“LastthingIrememberwashimhelpingmeintothecar.”
Realizationwascold,andforawhileDuchesscouldnotspeak.AndthenshethoughtofDarke,hishandsonher.Shegritherteeth,steeled.Badthingshappenedtobadmen.
“Youknowit’sRobin’sbirthdayinthemorning.”
Starlookedsadthen,notbrokenbutclose,herlipstillalittleswollen,hereyestilldark.Thekindoflookthatmadethepainworse.Therewasnogiftforherbrother.Hermotherhadnotremembered.
“Ididsomethingbad,Mom.”
“Wealldobadthings.”
“Idon’tthinkIcanfixit.”
Starclosedhereyes,stillsheplayedandsangasherdaughtergentlyleanedonher.
Duchesswantedsodesperatelytojoinin,buthervoicebegantobreak.
“I’llprotectyou.That’swhatmothersdo.”
Duchessdidnotcry,butrightthenshecameclose.
10
WALKSUFFEREDTHEINDIGNITYOFthefallalone.
Smallblessing.Oneminutehewaswalking,thenexthewasonhisbacklookingtowardthesky.Hisleftleg,justgonefromunderhim.
Hesatinthecruiser,inthelotatVancourHill.Hedidnotgoin.Kendricksaidhecouldhaveproblemswithbalance,still,thatlossofcontrol,itwasfrightening.
Theradiowaslow,staticandtalk,2-11inBronson,11-54inSanLuis.AcoffeecupfromRosie’sDiner,aburgerwrapperonthemat.Hisstomachpressedhisshirtandherestedhishandsthere.Slowshift.He’ddrivenbyVincent’s,thehousewascomingalong,theshuttersremovedandstripped,readyforpainting.
Hesearchedforthenightstar,dwelledonthediseaseandfeltitinhisbones,hisblood,hismind.Synapsesfiringslow,thecorrespondencenotlostbutdelayed.
Alittlebeforemidnighttheradiojoltedhimfromalightsleep.
IvyRanchRoad.
Helickedthedryfromhislips.
Andthenthecallagain.
Hereachedfortheradioandstartedtheengine,ranthelightsandlitthestreetasheheadedbacktowardCapeHaven.Thecallergavenodetail,justthattheyneededtocome.Heprayeditwasnothing,maybeStarwasdrunkagain.
PastAddison.ThequietsideofMain,nolightsatall.
HeslowedonIvyRanchRoad,sawnothingbutsleepinghousesandbreathedagain.
Uptothecurboutsideherhouse.Calmtillhesawthestreetdooropen,andthenthatfeelingcame,sharpinhisgut,noairinhislungs.Heclimbedoutandreachedforhisgun,whichhehadn’tdoneinaslongashecouldremember.
AglanceattheRockhouse,thenacrossatMilton’s,nosignoflifeatall.Acallingowl,agarbagecanfellawayoff,mayberaccoons.Hetooktheporchinonestepandpushedthedoor.
Thehallway,asidetablewithphonebook.Sneakersinamessyline.Picturesonthewall,artthatRobinhadmade,tackedinplacebyDuchess.
Inthemirrorwasacrack,Walkmethisowneyes,wideandfearful.Hegrippedtheguntight,flippedthesafetyoff,thoughtaboutcallingoutbutstayedquiet
Hemadehiswaydownthehallway,twobedrooms,doorsopentoclothesstrewn,adressingtableknockedover.
Thebathroom.Thefaucetranslowly,thebasinfilledandspilling.Heshutitoff,hisshoesinthepuddle.
Intothekitchen,nothingbutthesteadyhandoftheclockcutthequiet.Hescannedslow,themessthatwasalwaysthere,abutterknife,dishesinthesink;Duchesswouldgettothem,shealwaysdid.
Hedidn’tnoticethemanatfirst.Sittingatthesmalltable,palmsupandopen,likehemeantnoharmatall.
“Youneedtogointothelivingroom,”Vincentsaid.
Walknoticedthesweatonhishead,realizedhisgunwastrainedonhischildhoodfriendbuthewouldnotlowerit.Adrenalinecarriedhim.
“Whatdidyoudo?”
“You’retoolatetochangethings,Walk.Butyouneedtogo,andmakeyourcalls.I’llbehere.Iwon’tmoveatall.”
Thegunshook.
“Youshouldcuffme.That’swhatisexpected.Youneedtodothiscorrectly.IfyoutossthemoverhereI’lldoitmyself.”
Walk,hismouthsodryhecouldbarelyspeak.“Idon’t—”
“Passmethecuffs,ChiefWalker.”
Chief.Hewasacop.Walkreachedforthecuffsonhisbeltandtossedthemontothetable.
Hemovedintothelivingroom.
Sweatbledintohiseyes.
Thescenecameathim.
“Shit,Star.”Hecrossedfastandknelt.“Oh,Jesus,Star.”
Shelayonherback.Foraminutehethoughtshe’dchasedwithsomethingbad,whichhadhappenedbefore.Butwhenhenoticedhefellbackandcursedagain.
Blood,allover,somuchofithefumbledforhisradio,hisfingersslickashecalledit.
“Jesus.”Hepawedatherclothes,triedtomakesenseofitbeforehefoundthewound,thehole,tornflesh,aboveherheart.
Hesmoothedhairfromherface,paleandgone.Hetriedforapulse,foundnothingbutstartedCPR.Helookedaroundasheworked,alamplying,apictureonthecarpet,asmallbookcaseupended.
Specksofbloodclimbedthewall.
“Duchess,”hecalled.
Heworkedon,sweating,musclesburning.
Copsandmedicsarrivedandgentlypushedhimoff.Itwasclearenoughshewasdead.
Heheardyellingfromthekitchen,Vincentontheground,thenledout.
Walkstood,dazed,theworldspinningthewrongwayasheheadedintothestreet,theneighborsgathering.Hesawinredsandbluesashesatontheporchandgulpedair.Herubbedhishead,hiseyes,hithisownchestafewtimestomakesureitwasallreal.
TheytookVincentbeforehecouldreachthecar,hejoggedalittlebutpantedanddroppedtohisknees,eachyearofhislifeunravelled.
Ateamrancontrol,sweptitfromhim,tapedtheareaandmovedpeoplefarenoughback.Newsvans,lightsandreporters.Atechvancutinandupontotheverge.Itwasasceneandtheycontrolleditwell,thatwasuntilWalkheardnoiseinside.
Hestood,stilldazed,madehiswaythroughandduckedthetape,andinthehousehesawBoydfromstateandtwocopsfromSutlerCounty.
“Whatisit?”
Acopturned,eyesloadedwithanger.“Thekid…theboy.”
Walksteppedback,hitthewallandfelthislegsweaken,bracedforwhatwouldcomeashisvisiontunnelled.
Boydwavedthembackalittle.
AndthenWalksawhim,squintingup,ablanketaroundhisshoulders.
“He’salright?”Walksaid.
Boydcheckedhimcarefully.“Thebedroomdoorwaslocked.Ithinkhewassleeping.”
Walkkneltbytheboy,wholookedanywherebutathim.“Robin,where’syoursister?”
***
Duchesspedaledthreemiles,traverseddarkroadsthatledfromhertown.Sheheldherbreathascarscameather,dippedtheirbeamsorflashedorsoundedtheirhorns.Shecouldhavetakentheprettystreets,amileadded,shewastiredenough.
TheChevrononPensacola,bluesignongraypillars.Sheleanedherbicycleagainstacoal-binandmadeherwayacrossthelot.Anoldsedanparkedbad,theownerstretchingthepump.
Robinwouldwakesixyearsold,shewouldnotlethimwaketonothing.
Elevenbucks,takenfromStar’spurse.Duchesshatedher,mostly,lovedhernowandthen,neededhertotally.
Inthegasstationwasacopandhestoodatthecoffeemachine,darktieandslacks,neatmustache,shieldonhischest.Heeyedherandsheignoredhim,thenhisradiocrackledandhethrewacoupleofdollarsatthecounterandheadedout.
Shewalkedaisles,passedtoweringrefrigerators,signsthatcalledBEERandSODAandENERGY
Nobirthdaycakes,justapackofEntenmann’scupcakes,thekindwithpinkfrosting.Robinwouldbepissedaboutthat,insideatleast,hewouldn’tsayanythingthatmightbedeemedungrateful.Shepickedupapackandfoundsomecandles.Sixbucksleft.
Behindthecounterwasakid,nineteen,maybe,acnecheeks,toomanypiercings.
“Doyouhavetoys?”
HepointedtoarackthathadthesorriestcollectionofplasticDuchesshadeverseen.Shecarefullystudiedamagicset,astuffedrabbit,apackofcolorfulhairbands,andafigurethatborealibellousresemblancetoCaptainAmerica.Sheclutchedittight,itwasafind.Itwasalsosevenbucks.
Shetookitwithherbacktothecakes,sawshehadtheonlypackthatcouldpassassomethingspecialandcursedhermotheronceagain.Shestoodbeneathyellowstriplight,sodimitdrainedthefightrightfromher.Shethoughtofliftingthecandlesbutsawthekidbehindthecounterwatchingon,likehecouldreadthetorturedturnsofhermind.Shesqueezedthecakebox,justenoughtodentit.
Atthecountershearguedit,showedthekidthedamagedcake,askedhimtotakeabuckoff.Atfirstherefused,thenthelinestartedtogrowandhetookhermoneywithascowl.
Shehitchedherbagoverthehandlebarsandsetofftowardhome,pedalingslowasanothercopcarpassedher,lightsonandsirenharshagainstthewarmnight.
Later,whensheknew,she’dlookbackatthatlastrideandwishshe’dfeltit,thelastnightofanythingatall.She’dwishshe’dtakenthelongroute,alongthecoast,noticedtheendlesswaterandnightsongs,theperfectglowofeachlamponMain.She’dwishedshe’dbreatheditdeepandheldit,thelastmomentofhernormal,becauseifitwasbadbefore,anditmostlywas,itwassomethingaltogetherdifferentwhenshemadeitbacktoherstreet,andwatchedtheneighborspartforherbicycle,likeshe’dcommandedthem,likeshewasallpowerful.
Whenshesawthecopcarsherfirstinstinctwastoturn.Anhourearlier,whenshe’dpickedupherbicycleandwheeleditdownthesideofthehouseshe’dmadeastopoutsideBrandonRock’splace.She’dfoundastone,sharpenough,walkeduphisdriveway,liftedthecoverfromtheMustanganddraggeditdownthedoorandfender,sohardanddeepshecouldseethesilverbeneath.Hehithermother.Fuckhim.
Butthiswastoomanycars,toomuchnoise,morethanWalkandthatlookhegaveher.
Shedroppedherbike,droppedherbag,kickedoutatacopwhenhetriedtomoveinfrontofher.Hebackedoff,sheknewthatwasn’tnormal.
Sheranatthehouse,duckedthetapeandanothercop,cursedatallofthem.Allthebadwordssheknew.
Shefoundherbrotherandcalmed,withWalklookingon,hismouthsetstraightbuthiseyesgivingeverything,allofit.Theywouldn’tletherinthelivingroom,nomatterthewaysheflailedherarmsatWalk,thewayshecaughthimbytheeye,thewordssheused,theferalwayherbrothercried.
Walkhalf-carriedheroutintotheyard,wherethepeoplecouldnotseeher.HesetherdowninthedirtandshecalledhimamotherfuckerandbesidethemRobinsobbedliketomorrowwouldnolongerhappen.
Strangersallover,meninuniform,meninsuits.
Whentheythoughtshe’dcalmedshebrokeandranandduckedthem.Shewasfastenoughtomakeitthrough.Atthedoorandinside,throughahomereducedtoasinglescene.
Shesawher.
Hermother.
Shedidnotfightwhenthearmclosedaroundher,nolongerkickedoutandcursed,justletWalkcarryherlikethechildshewas.
“YouandRobincanstaywithmetonight.”
ToWalk’scruiser,Robinholdingherhandtight.Neighborsstaredon,aTVcameralitthemup,Duchessdidnothavethestrengthtoglare.ShesawMiltonathiswindow,methiseyebeforeheturnedandmovedbackintotheshadow.
She’dpickedupthebagfromtheyard,insideshesawthecakes,thedollandthecandles.
Theysattherealongtime,tillthehourslaysoheavyonRobinhefellintoatroubledsleepbesideher,moaningoutandcallingasshestrokedhishair.
Walkdroveslowoutoftheirstreet,Duchesswatchingthebrightlightthatwasherhome,thedimmingscenethatwasherlife.
PartTwo
BigSky
11
WALKDROVEWITHANARMinthesunasendlessplainsroseandfellfromprairietosteppeandgrasslandsbeyond.EastwastheriverthatslitheredfourstatesbeforeemptyingintothePacific.
Helefttheradiooff.Milesofnothingbutthecallofcricketsandtheoccasionalpassofbeatentruckswithbare-chesteddrivers.Somedippedtheirheads,otherslookedrightaheadliketheyhadplentytohide.Walkkepthisspeedlow,hehadnotsleptinalongtime.They’dspentanightinamotel,theirroomsjoinedbyadoorWalkleftcrackedallnight.He’dofferedtoflywiththembuttheboywasafraid.Walkwasglad,he’dneverlikedflying.
Theysatintheback,eachstaringout,watchingthelandlikeitwassomethingallforeign.Robinhadnottoldanythingofthatnight,nottoWalkorhissister,orthespecialcopsthatcamedown.Armedwithcompassion,they’dsettledhimintoaroomofpastelcolorsandmuralsandanimalswithsmilingfaces.Theygavehimpensandpaper,talkedaroundhimwithlooksoffinality,likehewasfragilepiecessofarfromonewhole.Hissisterwatchedon,unimpressed,armsfolded,nosewrinkledlikeshedidn’tmuchcareforthebullshittheywerepeddling.
“Youalrightbackthere?”
Hegotnothing.
Theypassedtowns,watertowers,rustingscaffold.Forfiftymilestherailroadaccompanied,brownweedgrownoverburnedslatslikethelasttrainhadleftthestationalifetimebefore.
HeslowedbyaMethodistchapel,whiteboardsandlightestgreenslate,thesteepleanarrowthatpointedtomore.
“Youhungry?”Heknewtheywouldnotanswer.Itwasalongtrip,athousandmiles.ThescorchedstretchofNevada,Route80withoutend,thedirtasdryastheair.Ittookanagefortheworldtochange,orangetogreen,Idahouponthem,YellowstoneandWyomingjustbeyond.Duchesstookaninterestforawhile.
AttheTwinRiverMillstheystoppedatadiner.
InatornboothWalkorderedhamburgersandmilkshakesandtheywatchedagasstationacrosstheway.Ayoungfamily,U-Haul,movingbetweenshells,thelittlegirlastickymessofchocolateandhermotherfussingafterherwithawet-wipeandasmile.
Robinstoppedeatingandwatched.Walkplacedahandonhisshoulderandtheboystaredbackdownintohisshake.
“It’llbealright.”
“How’dyoufigurethat?”Duchessfiredback,quicklikeshe’dbeenexpectingsomething.
“Irememberyourgrandfather,whenIwassmall.He’sagoodman.Iheardhe’sinahundredacres,maybeyou’lllikeit.Clearairandallthat.”Hedidn’tknowwhathewassaying,justthathewishedhecouldstop.“Fertilesoil.”He’dworsenedit.
Duchessrolledhereyes.
“YoutalkedtoVincentKing?”Shedidnotlookup.
Walkdabbedhislipswithanapkin.“I’m…I’llassistthestatepolice.”
They’dbumpedWalkfromthecasethemorningafter,lefthimtoarrangethesafeguardingofthescenetilltheyweredone.Twodays,techvansandbusypeople,Walkliaisedwithlocals,closedhalftheroad.TheymovedontotheKinghouse.Again,Walkwaslefttosafeguard.Theydeemedhimtoosmalltown,CapeHavenPDtoosmalltocope.Hehadnotargued.
“They’llputhimtodeath.”
Robinlookedoverathissister,hiseyestiredbutintense,thelastflaresofadyingfire.
“Duchess—”
“It’swhatthey’lldo.Amanlikethat,there’snocomingback.Shootingawoman,unarmed.Youbelieveinaneyeforeye,Walk?”
“Idon’tknow.”
Duchessfishedafryinherketchupandshookherheadlikeshewasdisappointedinhim.ShespokeofVincentoften,themanthatshothermotherdeadandleftherbrotherhidinginthecloset.
“Eatyourburger,”DuchesssaidtoRobin,andheate.“Andthegreen.”
“But—”
Shestared.
Hepickedupapieceoflettuceandnibbledthecorner.
AnotherhourandWalksawthesignforDearman.Razorwireranaquartermile,keepingpeopleinandoutoffractiouslives.Aguardinatower,eyesbeneathawide-brimhatandonehandonarifle.InthemirrorWalkwastailedbydust,likehe’dstirredthecalm.
Robinsleptinhisseat,facetightlikehisdreamswerekeepingpacewithhisdays.
“That’saprison,”Duchesssaid.
“Itis.”
“LikethekindtheygotVincentKingin.”
“Yes.”
“Willhegetbeateninthere?”
“Prison’snotnice.”
“Maybehe’llgetallraped.”
“Youshouldn’ttalklikethat.”
“Fuckoff,Walk.”
Hemorethanunderstoodthehate,butheworriedwhatitwoulddotoher,thosecinders,thelightestbreezeandthey’dflare.
“Ihopehegetsbeatensobad.Iseeit,youknow,whenI’mlyingdownatnight.Iseehisface.Ihopehegetsbeatentillthere’snothingleft.”
Hepushedbackinhisseat,achingbones,tremoringhands.Thatmorninghe’dlainsohelplessheworrieditwouldn’tpass,thatthegirlwouldhavetofetchhelp.Hethoughtbacktothestart,apaininhisshoulder,justapaininhisshoulder.
“IworryIwon’trememberCapeHaven.”Shespoketotheviewstheypassed.
“Icanwriteyou.Icansendphotos.”
“It’snothomenow.Wherewe’regoing,that’snothomeeither.Hetookitall.”
“It’llbe…”Hestoppedhimself,thewordscatching.
SheturnedandwatchedDearmantillitsmokedtonothing,thenclosedhereyestoWalkandthechangingworld.
Anhouroffthehottestpartoftheday,heatroseincallingwaveswhilebothchildrenslept.Duchess,hereyessunken,swollenfromthestrainbecauseshedidn’tcry.Sheworeshorts.Hesawgrazedkneesandpalethighs.
Forahundredmilesthelandhadpitchedandfallen,thearidnowlush,thethirstquenchedbywesterliesthatblewrelieffromthewater.Montanaarrivedwithlittlefanfare,justasign,ablue,redandyellowwelcome.Walkrubbedhisneckandyawned,thenitchedatthestubbleonhischeeks.Hehadnoteatenmuchsince.Hehaddroppedfivepounds.
AnotherhourandheturnedbytheMissouriRiver.Helenabehind,theskyacanvassobignotevenGod’sworkcoulddistractfromthebluesthatafternoon.Theroadsandatrack,thefarmappearedlikeitbelonged,paintedintothelandscapewithdelicatestrokes,mudredbarnswhitetopped,threeintotal,andtwosilosthatnestedwithcedars.Thehousewaswide,theporchwrappeditwithseatsandaswingandtimberthatwasgnarledandbeautiful.Walksawherwatchingnow,wantingtoaskbutkeepinghermouthtight.
“That’sit,”heoffered.
“Istherepeopleanywhere?”
“CopperFalls,onlyafewmiles.Theyhaveamovietheater.”He’dcheckeditallthenightbefore.
Gumtreestangledfrombothsidesandshadedthem,whitepicketneededpainting.HefollowedthecurveandsawHal,standingstillandwatching,nosmileorwaveoranythingatall.
Duchesscraned,herheadoverWalk’sshoulderassheslippedherbeltoff.
WhentheystoppedWalkclimbedoutandDuchessdidnot.
“Hal,”hesaid,walkedoverandextendedahand.
Halshookitfirmly,histoughandcalloused.Hehadblueeyesthatshonewithmorethanagebutnosmile,nottillhisgranddaughteremergedfromthecruiserandstoodjustasstill,avisionofhermother.
Walkwatchedthetwo,eyeingeachother,exchangingjudgment.HetriedtobeckonherbutHalshookhisheadonce.She’llcomewhenshe’sready.
“Longdrive.Robinissleeping,Ididn’tknowwhethertowakehim.”
“He’llbeupearlyenoughtomorrow.Thefarmhasitshours.”
WalkfollowedHaluptothehouse.
Theoldmanwastall,muscled,unforgivenessineverystep.Hewalkedwithhisheadhigh,chinupalittle;thisismyland.
Behind,Duchesswandered,lookingatthelongstretchofworld,anewlifealreadygrowingold.Shebentandtouchedthegrass,madeherwaytoabarnandpeeredintocooldark.Thesmellwasstrong,animalsandshitbutshedidnotturnaway.
HalbroughtbeersocoldWalkdidn’tturnitdown.Heworehisuniformandtheysettledontohardwoodenchairs.
“It’sbeenalongtime,”Walksaid.
“Ithas.”
Montana,portraittolandscape,thekindofopenthatwasalmosttoomuchtobreathein.
“Whatamess,”Halsaid.Heworeaplaidshirt,sleevesrolledovermuscledforearms.
Messwasthewrongword,butascloseafitasany.
“Didshesee?”
WalklookedatHalbuttheoldmankepthisgazeontheacres.“Ithinkso.After.Sheranatthecopsandmadeitintothelivingroom.”
Halcrackedaknuckle,scarredhands,grizzledvoice.“Theboy?”
“No.Maybeheheardsomething,screams,gunshot,hewon’tspeakaboutit.Hewaslockedinhisbedroom.He’sseensomeoneacoupletimes,adoctor.He’llhavetoseesomeonehere,Icanputyouintouch,heneedsit.Maybehe’llremember,maybeit’sbesthedoesn’t.”
Haldrank,halfthebottleinonesip.Heworeasimplewatchonathickwrist,tanfromyearsworkingbeneaththeopensky.“Ihaven’tseenthem,Duchess…shewasababy,whenIlastsawmydaughter.AndthenRobin…”Hetrailedaway
“They’rebothgoodkids.”Thewordssoundedtrite,emptywhentheywerenot,liketherewasanotherkindofchildintheworld.
“Iwantedtocome,fortheburial.ButImadeapromise.”Halofferednofurtherexplanation.
“Ithappenedfast.Assoonastheyreleasedthe…assoonastheyreleasedStar.SmallserviceatLittleBrook.Besidehersister.”Duchesshadheldherbrother’shand.Shedidnotcry,justwatchedthecoffinlikethegreatequalizeritwas.
TheywatchedasDuchesscameoutofthebarn,achickentrailedher.Sheglancedback,asifitwerefollowingher.
“Shelookslikehermother.”
“Yes.”
“Imadeuparoom.They’llshare.Theboy,helikebaseball?”
Walksmiledbutdidnotknow.
“Iboughtaballandglove.”
TheysawDuchesspeerintothecruiser,checkonRobinandthenheadbacktowardthebarn,stilleyeingthechicken.
Halclearedhisthroat.“VincentKing.Ihaven’tsaidthatnameinalongtime.IhopedI’dneverhavetoagain.”
“Hehasn’tspokenawordyet.Ifoundhimthere,inthekitchen,hewastheonethatcalleditin.Ihavemydoubts.”WalksaiditwithaconvictionhewonderedifHalcouldseethrough,thathewassofaroutofhisdepththatthestatecopswouldbarelykeephimintheloop.
“They’reholdinghim.”
“Noofficialchargeyet.They’vegothimonabailcondition.Brokencurfew.”
“But,VincentKing.”
“Idon’tknow.WhatVincentdid,andwhatthisis.”
“IgotochurchbutIdon’tbelieveinGod.Hegoestoprisonbutisnotacriminal.”
Hal’sface,etchedlinessodeeptheytoldastorythatbeganthirtyyearsbefore.
Halcrackedhisknucklesagain.“Theministersaidwebeginattheend.Itwouldhavemadeforeasieryears,ifIthoughtforonesecondSissywassomewherebetterthanasmallwoodenbox.Itrythough,everySundayItry.”
“Sorry.”
“Itwasn’tyour—”
“NotjustSissy.Yourwife.Inevergottosayit,after.”
Itmadethelocalnews.ThefirsttimeanyofthemsawStar’smotherwasthefirstdayofthetrial.MaggieDayrolledintothecourtroom.Shehadthehairandtheeyesanddrewlooks,butanairoffallenglamourchasedthebeautyfromher.
“ShewassadforVincent.Saidwatchingachilddrawaman’ssentencejustaboutbrokeheralloveragain.”Haldrainedthelastofhisbeer.“WhenStarfoundher,thatnight.Wehadapainting,aprint,Temeraire,youknowit?”
“Theboat.”
“Shewassittingbeneathit,headtippedback.Allthathauntedsky,likeshewaspartofit.”
“I’msorry.”
“ShewantedtobewithSissy.”Hesaiditsimply,liketherecouldbeanythingsimpleaboutthesuicideofawifeandmother.“VincentKingisthecancerofmyfamily.”
Walkheldthecoldbottletohisforehead.“Listen,Hal.Therewasaman,DickieDarke.Hewas…himandStar.Hewasroughwithher.”Hewatchedtheoldman,hismouthtight.“And,Idon’tknowwhathappenedwithDuchess,someoneburnedhisplacedown.Stripjoint.”
Hallookedoutathisgranddaughter,standingsmallontheendlessacres.
“Idon’tthinkhe’lltryandfindyou,notafterallthat’shappened.”
“Hemightcomehere?”
“Idon’tthinkso,butDuchessthinkshewill.”
“Shesaidthat?”
“Shedoesn’treallysayanything.Shejustasked,ifDarkecouldfindthemuphere.Shewon’tsayexactlywhy.Ican’truleitout,thathehadsomethingtodowithStar.”
“Andifhedid?”
Walktookabreathashewatchedthecar,wheretheboyslept.Maybetheonlywitness.
“Hewon’tfindushere.I’mnotlisted,andtheland…there’salien.Ihadsomebadyears.Icankeephersafe.Andtheboy.That’stheonethingI’msureIcando.”
Walkfollowedthelineofthehouse,thendowntothepicket.Therewaswater,toobigforapondandtoosmallforalake.Hesawmirrors,skyandtreesandtheripplesofhisowndrawnface.
“Idon’twanttostayhere.”
HeturnedtoDuchess.
“Thatmanisold.Idon’tevenknowwhothefuckheis.”
“There’snowhereelse.It’shereorSocial,that’s…canyoudoitforRobin?”
Hewantedtoreachoutandtakeherhandandtellhersoftlies.
“Don’tcallhere,Walk.Youcanwrite,maybe.Robin,thatshrinksaidheneedstoforget.Maybejustforawhile.It’stoobadforhim.Toomuchforachild.”
Hewantedtotellhershewasachildtoo.
After,hekneltinthedirt,ruffledRobin’shairandmethisfrightenedeyes.Robinlookedpast,atHalandtheoldhouse.AndthenWalkstood,facedDuchessandsearchedforwords.
“I’manoutlaw,”shesaid.
Hetookabreath,sadnesswashedoverhim.
“Andyou’realawman.”
Henodded.“Iam.”
“Sofuckoffnow.”
Heclimbedintothecruiserandedgedfromthem.
Thesundied,heslowedbythewater,beneaththegumtrees,hewatchedher,ahandonherbrother’sshoulderastheywalkedtowardtheoldman,slowly,cautiously.
12
DUCHESSDIDNOTEATTHATfirstnightonthefarm.
InsteadshewatchedRobinandmadesurehefinishedhisbowl.Itwassomekindofstewandhelookedatherwiththoseeyesthattoldherhewantedtocry.Shefedhimthelastmouthfulsherself.
Halstoodawkward,watchedawhilethenmovedtothesinkandlookedoutovertheland.HewasbigtoDuchess,broadandpowerfulandimposing.ToRobinhemusthavelookedlikeagiant.
Duchesstooktheirbowlsover.
“Youneedtoeat,”hesaid.
“Youdon’tknowwhatIneed.”Shedumpedherfoodintothetrash,thenledherbrotherfromthekitchenandoutontotheporch.
Sunset.Burnedhazethatwashedtherollingacresandcannonedfromthewater.Animalsgatheredfarout,aclusterofelkthatfacedthefallinglight.
“Gorunaround.”Shegavehimapush.
Robinlefther,walkedthelowhill,foundastickanddraggeditinthedirt.InhisotherhandheclutchedCaptainAmerica.HehadnotletitfromhissightsincehewokethatmorningatWalk’shouse.
She’dalreadyaskedhim,whenitwaslateandWalkslept,sheaskedaboutthatnightandtoldhimitwasalrighttotellifhe’dheardsomething.Hetoldhernothingatall,theplacewherethememorymighthavebeenlayintotaldarkness
Shehadyettoprocessthedeathofhermother,thefuneral,thenewgravethatstoodbesideSissy’sontheLittleBrookcliff.Shewantedtocry,thoughknewifshedidthegriefwouldsettlerightthereinherchest,notletherbreathewhensheneededstrengthmost.Shewouldbethereforherbrother.Itwasthetwoofthem.Theoutlawandherbrother.
“Ihaveaballforhim.”
ShedidnotturnanddidnotacknowledgeHal.Tothinkofhimasfamily,hisbloodtohers.Nottherewhenhewasneeded,whichwastoooften.Shespitinthedirt.
“Iknowit’sbeendifficult.”
“Youdon’tknowshit.”Sheletithanglongintheduskair,thedarksprintingatthemsofastitwasasifshehadblinkedawaythecolor.
“Idon’tlikecursinginmyhouse.”
“Myhouse.Walksaiditwasourhome.”
Helookedpainedthen.Shewasglad.
“Tomorrowwillbedifferentinallkindsofways.Someyoumightlikeandsomeyoumightnot.”
“Youdon’tknowwhatIlikeandwhatIdon’t.Sameformybrother.”
Halsatontheswingseat,motionedforhertojoinhimbutshewouldnot.Thechainspulledonthecedarliketheymightwrenchthesoulfromtheoldfarmhouse.Hermotherhadtoldheraboutsouls,vegetativetorational.Shewonderedwhatcouldberationalaboutthemostbaseformoflife.
Hesmokedacigaranditcarriedtoher,shewantedtomovebutwouldn’t,hersandalsrooted.Herinstinctwastoaskhim,abouthermother,aboutherauntandVincentKing.Aboutwherethefucktheywereintheworld,thelandsodifferentandtheskytoovast.Shegothewouldenjoythat,totalktohisgranddaughterlikeabondwouldform.Shespitinthedirtagain.
AtanhourfarfrombedtimeHalsentthemup.Duchessstruggledwiththeircase.Shewouldnotlethimhelp.
ShechangedRobinintohispajamasandthenbrushedhisteethinthesmallbathroomthatledfromtheirsparsebedroom.
“Iwanttogohome,”Robinsaid.
“Iknow.”
“I’mscared.”
“You’reaprince.”
Duchessdraggedthenightstandacrossthescarredwoodfloorthenheavedandpusheduntilthebedswerejoined.
“You’llsayyourprayersnow,”hesaidfromthedoor.
“Thefuckwewill,”shefiredback.Shewatchedhimtakeit,hopedtoseehimflinchbuthedidnot.Hestoodthere,mouthperfectlystraight.Shetracedhisfaceforasignofherself,herbrother,hermother.Maybeshesawalittleofallofthemormaybehewasjustanoldstranger.
AfewminutestillRobinmovedfullyintoherbed.Hepulledherarmaroundhimselftillheslept.
Inabreathasteadybuzzmadeitswayintoherdreams.Shereachedoverandslammedthealarmclock,thensatupquicklyandforafew,cruelmomentsshethoughtofcallingouttohermother.
Robinsleptonbesideher,shereachedacrossandcoveredhimandthenheardHalbelow,thewhistleofthekettleandtheheavystepofboots.
Shelayback,triedtosleepbutsawthelightofthehallwaytipintotheroomasHalclimbedthestairsandopenedthedoor.
“Robin.”Herbrotherstirredtotheoldman’svoice.“Theanimalsneedtheirbreakfast,wouldyouliketocomehelp?”
Duchesswatchedherbrother,thethoughtpatterneasytoplace.Shehadseenhowcuriouslyheeyedthebarnsandthechickens,thebigcowsandthehorses.Heclimbedfromthebed,turnedtohertillshewentandfetchedhistoothbrush.
Belowwerebowlsofporridge.Duchessemptiedhersintothetrash.ShefoundsugarandspoonedsomeintoRobin’sbowl.Heatequietly.
Halappearedatthedoor,behindhimlightmiststeamedlikeafireburnedbeneaththeland.
“Readytowork.”Notaquestion.
Robinfinishedhisjuiceandhoppeddownfromthechair.HalreachedoutahandandRobintookit.Duchesswatchedfromthewindowastheywalkedtowardthebarn,theoldmanspeakingwordsthatdidnotcarry,Robinstaringuplikethelastsixyearsnolongercounted.
Shepulledonhercoat,lacedhersneakersandheadedoutintodawnair.
Behind,mountainsuncrept,thepromiseofsomethingnewlayheavyonherchest.
***
Walkhaddriventhroughthenight,thestatesandthescenesallmuchofthesameinthedarkness,justsignscountingmiles,tellinghimtotakeabreak,tirednesskills.Whenhegothomehe’dunpluggedthetelephone,pulledhisdrapesandlay,notsleeping,justthinkingofStarandDuchessandRobin.
BreakfastwastwoAdvilandaglassofwater.Ashowerbutnoshave.
Ateighthearrivedtoareporterstandinginthelot,KipDanielsfromtheSutlerCountyTribune.BesideKipwereacoupleofvacationersandlocals.Walkhadhearditontheshortridein,thatthestateofCaliforniawaspreparingtochargeVincentKingwiththemurderofStarRadley.Hedidn’tbuyit,juststationstryingtomakenews.
“Nothingnewtotellyou,I’mafraid.”
“Anythingontheweapon?”Kipcalled.
“Nothing.”
“Charges?”
“Don’tbelieveeverythingyouhear.”
VincentwasbackatFairmont.Thathewouldn’tspeak,thathewasatthescene,itmadeforasimplepuzzle.Therewasnooneelseintheframe.Statecopsoccupiedthebackoffice,Boydandhismen,pullinginlocalsandmakingnoise.Itwaswindingdownalready.
InsidethestationhefoundLeahTallowonthefrontdesk,lightsonthephoneblinkedfrantically.“Crazyinherethismorning.Youhearthenews?”
Walkwatchedherpickupanothercallandmakenocomment.
They’dcalledinLouanneMiller,adecadeolderthanWalk.Shesatbehindherdeskandatenuts,aneatcollectionofshellsbythetelephone,mutetothefuror.
“Morning,Walk.Busyinhere.Gotthebutcherin.”
Walkstoppedandscratchedthestubbleonhischeek.“Where?”
“Interviewroom.”
“Whathavetheygothiminfor?”
“Thinktheytellmeanything?”Louanneateanothernut,chokedalittleandwasheditdownwithcoffee.“Youneedtogetsomesleep,Walk.Andmaybeashave.”
Helookedaround,theappearanceofnormal.Leah’ssisterownedthefloristonMainanddroppedanarrangementineachweek.Bluehydrangea,alstroemeriaandeucalyptus.Sometimeshethoughtthestationresembledaset,maybeadaytimeTVcopshow,theyplayedtheirparts,backgroundextras,nothingmore.
“Where’sBoyd?”
Sheshrugged.“Hesaidnottotalktothebutchertillhegetsback.”
HefoundMiltoninthesmallroomatthebackofthestationthattheymight’veusedforinterviews,hadtheyeverhadtotakeastatement.Miltonclutchedhischest,massaginglikeheneededtogethisheartfiringagain.Strippedofhisapron,Walkstillsmelledblood,asifitweremattedtoeveryhairthatcarpetedMilton’sbody.
Walkshovedhishandsdeepintohispockets.Hefoundhimselfdoingthatmorenow,thedrugsagain,nothinghelping.
Miltonstood.“Idon’tknowwhytheytoldmetohangaround.Ihavetogeton.Icametothem,afterall.”
“Withwhat?”
Miltonlookedathisshoes,loosenedhiscollarandfiredhiscuffs.He’ddressedfortheoccasion.“Rememberedsomething.”
“And?”
“Iliketolookout,right.Watchthewater,thesky,gotmyCelestron,computerizednow.Youshouldcomeoveronetimeandwecould—”
Walkheldupahand,tootiredforit.
“Thatnight,beforetheshot.IthinkIheardyelling.Hadmywindowopen,Iwasbroilingalittlerabbit,youknow,leaveitovernight,softenthebones.”
“Thinkyouheard?”
Miltonlookedtothelightsabove.“Iheardyelling.Anargument.”
“Andthishasonlycometoyounow?”
“Icouldbeinshockstill.Maybeit’swearingoff.”
Walkstaredathim.“YouseeDarkethatnight?”
Amomentbeforeheshookhishead.MaybeacoupleofsecondsbutWalkcaughtit.TherehadbeenmentionofDickieDarke’snameinconnection,butthatmentionhadcomefromWalkhimself.Duchesswouldn’tsayanythingabouttheman.Walkwonderedifshewasscared.
“BrandonRock.”Miltonpuffedouthischest.“Thecar…thismorning.Igetupearly,andthatguycomeshomeatallhours.Ineedmysleep,Walk.”
“I’lltalktohim.”
“YouknowwehadanotherpersondropoutoftheWatch.It’sliketheydon’tcareabouttheneighborhoodanymore.”
“Howmanyyoudowntonow?”
Miltonsniffed.“JustmeandEttaConstance.Butshecan’twatchallthatmuchwiththeoneeye.Peripheral.”Hewavedahandaroundforeffect.
“Isleepbetterknowingthetwoofyouarelookingout.”
“Idocumentitall.Bigsuitcaseundermybed.”
Walkcouldonlyimaginethekindofnotesthemankept.
“Iwaswatchingashowandthecoptookacivilianonaridealong.Youeverthoughtaboutthat,Walk?Icouldbringalittlecotechino…spiceupthecabin.Andthenafterwecould—”
WalkheardnoiseoutsideandturnedasBoydfilledthedoorway.Broad,buzzcut,soldiertocop.
Walkfollowedhimout.
Boydledhimtohisownofficeandthensatheavilyinhischair.
“Youwanttotellmewhat’sgoingon?”Walksaid.
Boydleanedbackandstretched,hisshouldersbigashesteepledfingersbehindhisneck.“IjustgotbackfromtheD.A.’soffice.We’regoingtochargeVincentKingwiththemurderofStarRadley.”
Walkknewitwouldcome,buthearingitstraightfromBoydstillrockedhim.
“ThebutchertoldushesawVincentKinggetintoitwithDickieDarkeafewnightsprior.SaiditlookedlikeVincentwaswarninghimoff.Jealous.RightoutsidetheRadleyhouse.”
“AndwhatdoesDarkesayaboutthis?”
“Corroborates.Hecameinwithhislawyer.Bigfucker,right.Soundslikehewasseeingthevictim,thoughhesaystheywerejustfriends.”
“Milton,thebutcher.He’scalledalotovertheyears,likestowatchthetown,youknow.Hegets…excited.Heseesthingsthatmaybearen’tthere.”
Boydlickedhisteethandpursedhislips.Hewasalwaysmoving,likeholdingstillwouldseehismiddlefilloutandhishairlineraceback.Strongsmellofcologne.Walkeyedthewindowandwantedtopopitopen.
“We’vegotVincentatthescene,prints.HisDNAonher.Shehadthreebrokenribs,hislefthandwasswollen.Hewon’tdenyit,won’tsayanything.It’seasy,Walker.”
“Noresidue,”Walksaid.“Thegun.Noresidueandnogun.”
Boydrubbedhischin.“Yousaidthefaucetwasrunning.Hewashedhishands.Thegun.We’vehadpeopleout,everywhere,butwe’llfindit.Hekillsher,losesthegun,returnsandcallsitin.”
“Doesn’tmakesense.”
“We’vehadtheballisticsreportback.Thebullettheypulledwas.357Magnum,hellofakick.WerantheaddressanditturnsoutVincentKing’sfatherhadagunregisteredinthemid-seventies.”
Walkwatchedtheman,notlikingwherehewasgoing.Walkrememberedit,acoupleofthreatsweremadetowardtheKings,seriousenoughforVincent’sfathertokeepagun.
“Seeifyoucanguessthecaliber,Walker.”
Walkstayedeven,despitethewayhisstomachflipped.
“TheD.A.wantedmore.Nowwe’vegotthemotiveandaccesstothemurderweapon.We’llgoforthedeathpenalty.”
Walkshookhishead.“There’sstillpeopleweneedtotalkto.IwanttogooverDickieDarke’salibiagain,andthenthere’sMiltonandI’mnotsure—”
“Leaveitalone,Walker.It’sopenandshut.IwanttohanditovertotheD.A.bytheendoftheweek.We’vegotenoughon.Thenwe’llbeoutofyourhair.”
“ButIreallythink—”
“Listen.It’salright,whatyou’vegotgoingonhere.I’vegotacousinthatworksinAlsonCoveandhelovesit,thepaceisslow,theworkiseasy.There’snothingwrongwiththat.Butwhenwasthelasttimeyouworkedarealcase,Imeansomethingmorethanamisdemeanor?”
Walkhadnotworkedmorethananinfraction.
Boydreachedoverandgrippedhisshouldertight.“Don’tfuckthisupforus.”
Walkswallowed,thewheelsturningfrantic.“Ifhepleads.IfIcangethimtoplead?”
Boydmethiseye,didn’tsayitbutdidn’thaveto.
VincentKingwoulddieforthis.
13
CLOUDSCASCADEDDOWNTHEMOUNTAINbehind,framingthefarmhouselikeitbelongedinaprint.
Sheworked,legsheavy,theskinonherhandstornbeneathhergloves.
Whateverjobhegave,mucking,cuttingbackthelongvinesbythehouse,shiftingbranchesfromthewindingdriveway,shedidwithquiethatred.Halplayinggrandfathernowhermotherwasdeepintheground.
Thefuneralhadbeenshamefullyquiet.WalkhadfishedoutanoldnecktieforRobin,thesamehe’dwornwhenhisownmotherpassed.Robinhadheldherhandthroughit,thepriesttryingtoleadthemfromtheirbrokenlives,talkofGod’sneedforanotherangellikeheknewnothingofthetorturedsoulthathadbeentaken.
“We’llbreakforlunchnow.”Theoldmansnappedherfromthememory.
“I’mnothungry.”
“Youhavetoeat.”
Sheturnedherbackonhim,reachedforherbrushandsweptdirtfromthecrackeddrivewaywithhardstrokes.
TenminutesthenDuchessdroppedherbrushandwalkedback,slow.Atthehouseshesteppedupontotheporchandlookedthroughthewindow.Halwithhisbacktoher,herbrothereatingasandwich,comingupaheadoverthetable.Hehadacupofmilk.
Shewalkedthroughthebackdoorandintothekitchen,cheeksburninghot.AtthetableshepickedupRobin’scupandemptiedthemilkintothesink,rinseditandpulledacartonofjuicefromtherefrigerator.
“Icandrinkmilkatlunch,Idon’tevenmind,”Robinsaid.
“No,youcan’t.Youdrinkjuice,likeyoudidat—”
“Duchess,”Halsaid.
“Youshutup.”Sheturnedtohim.“Youdon’tsaymyname,youdon’tfuckingsayit.Youdon’tknowanythingaboutmeormybrother.”
Robinbegantocry.
“Enoughnow,”Halsaid,gentle.
“Youdon’ttellme‘enough.’”Shewasbreathless,shaking,theangercomingupsohotshecouldbarelycontrolit.
“Isaid—”
“Fuckyou.”
Hestoodthen,raisedahandandbroughtitdownhardonthetable,sendinghisplatetothefloor.ItsmashedonthestoneandDuchessflinched,andthensheturnedandran.Pastthewaterandthedriveway,armspumping,acrossthelonggrassandintotheroughandtowardthetrees.
Shedidn’tstoptillshehadto,tillshetookakneeandswallowedmouthfulsofwarm,heavyair.Shecursedhimout,kickedathickoakandfeltpainshootbackthroughher.Shescreamedatthetrees,soloudbirdsliftedandspeckledtheclouds.
Shethoughtofherhome.Thedayafterthefuneral,whatlittletheyownedoutrightwasboxedbyWalk.Nothinginthecheckingaccount,thirtybucksinhermother’spurse,nothingpasseddown.
ShewalkedamilebeforetheDouglasfirthinned.Shewasmuckyandsweaty,herhairdampandknotted.Sheslowedalittleandwalkedthecenterlineofaroad,countingoffbrokenlines.
Besidewasgrassandwood,edgingout,ariverinthedistanceandmovingon,theskyallblueforgiveness.Sometimessheexpectedmore,aclue,somethingwiltingorgrayingornotcarryingon,somethingthattoldhertheworldwasadifferentplacenowhermotherwasdead.
Asignannouncedthetown.CopperFalls,Montana.Alineofstores,orangebricktoonewforthescene,flatroofsandfadingawning,flagsthatfelllimp.Bleachedsignslongforgot,BushandKerry,starsandstripes.Adiner,HUNTERSWELCOME,convenience,pharmacy,Laundromat.Abakerythatmadehermouthwater.Shestoodandlookedin,sawoldcouplesateachtable,eatingpastryanddrinkingcoffee.Outsideamansatandreadanewspaper.Shepassedabarber,theoldkindwiththeglasspoleandtheofferofashave.Besideitabeautysalon,womeninchairs,heatreachingouttheopendoor.
Attheendofthestreetwasamountainthatheldthehorizon,sotoweringlikeachallengeorreminder,therewasplentybiggeroutthere.
Shepassedasmall,skinnyblackboy.Hestoodonthesidewalk,coatoverhisarmdespitetheeightydegrees,watchingherintently.Heworeslacksandabowtie,suspenderspulledthepantshighenoughtohighlightwhitesocks.
Hewouldnotturn,nomatterhowhardsheglared.“Whatthefuckareyoulookingat?”
“Somekindofangel.”
Shetookinthebowtiewithashakeofherhead.
“I’mThomasNoble.”
Hecontinuedtolook,mouthalittleopen.
“Stopstaring,youfreak.”Shepushedhimandhefellbackontohisass.
Helookedupatherthroughthicklenses.“Thatwasworthit,justtofeelyourtouch.”
“Ugh.Iseveryoneinthistownretarded?”Shefelthiseyesonherallthewaytothetopofthestreet.
Shetookaseatonabenchandwatchedthepace,soslowhereyesweighedheavy.
Aladystoppedbeside,maybesixty,somuchglamourDuchessstoleglances.Toweringheels,lipstickandstinkingofperfume,herhairfallinginwaveslikeshe’djuststeppedfromthesalon.
Shesetherbagdown,Chanel,andjammedinbeside.
“Thissummer.”
AkindofaccentDuchessdidn’tknow.
“IkeeptellingmyBilltofixtheairconditionerbutyoureckonhehas?”
“IreckonIdon’tgiveashit.AndmaybeBilldoesn’teither.”
Shelaughedatthat,slippedacigaretteintoaholderandlitit.“Soundslikeyouknowhim,ormaybeyou’vegotadaddylikehim.Startajobandloseinterestquick.That’smenforyou,sweetheart.”
Duchessexhaled,hopingtowardheroffwithattitudealone.
Theladyreachedintohershoppingbagandpulledoutasmallerpaperbag.Shetookoutadonut,thenofferedonetoDuchess.
Duchesstriedtoignoreherbuttheladyshookthebagalittle,likeshewasenticingawaryanimal.“YoueverhadoneofCherry’sdonuts?”shepersisted,shookthebaguntilDuchesstookadonut,sugarfallingontoherjeansasshebitintoitcarefully.
“Bestdonutyou’veeverhad?”
“Average.”
Theladylaughedlikeshe’dmadeajoke.“Icouldeatadozenmaybe.Youevertriedtoeatonewithoutlickingyourlips?”
“WhythefuckwouldIdothat?”
“Let’sgiveitagothen.Harderthanitsounds.”
“Maybeforanoldlady.”
“Onlyasoldasthemanyoufeel.”
“HowoldisBill?”
“Seventy-five.”Heavylaugh.
Duchessate,feltthesugaronherlipsbutdidn’tlickthem.Shewatchedtheladydoittoo,forawhile,fightingit,likeanitch,andthenshelickedherlipsandDuchesspointedandtheladylaughedsoraucousDuchessfoughtasmile.
“I’mDolly,bytheway.LikeParton,onlywithoutthechest.”
Duchesssaidnothingforawhile,justlettingithangthere,feelingDollylookoveronce,thenaway.
“I’manoutlaw.Youprobablyshouldn’tbeseenconversingwithme.”
“You’vegotswagger.Notenoughdointhisworld.”
“ClayAllison’sgravestoneread,Heneverkilledamanthatdidnotneedkilling.That’sswagger.”
“Sodoestheoutlawhaveaname?”
“DuchessDayRadley.”
Alook,notpity,butclose.“Iknowyourgrandfather.I’mrealsorryaboutyourmother.”
Duchessfeltitinherchestthen,atightening,likeshecouldn’tbreathe.Shelookeddownatthestreet,lockedonhersneakers,eyestoohot.
Dollystubbedouthercigarette,didn’teventakeasingledrag.
“Youdidn’tsmokeit.”
Dollysmiled,neat,blindingwhiteteeth.“Smokingisbadforyou.AskmyBill.”
“Sowhythen?”
“Mydaddycaughtmesmokingonce.Beatmesomethingawful.ButIkeptitup,onthesly.Ididn’tevenlikethetaste.YoumustthinkI’mamadoldbat.”
“Yes.”
Duchessfeltahandonhershoulder.Hestood,smilingwide,curlsmattedwithsweat,dirtbeneathhisnails.
“I’mRobin.”
“Pleasedtomeetyou,Robin.I’mDolly.”
“LikeParton?”
“Butwithoutthetits,”Duchessadded.
“MomlikedDollyParton.Sheusedtosingit,thatsongaboutworkingninetofive.”
“Ironic,seeingasshenevercouldholddownajob.”
Dollyshookhishandandtoldhimhewasjustaboutthemosthandsomeboyshe’deverseen.
DuchesssawHalacrossthestreet,leaningonthehoodoftheoldtruck.
“I’llseeyousoon,Ihope.”DollyhandedRobinadonutandleftthem,headedbackdownthestreet,noddingatHalasshepassed.
“Grandpawasscared.Pleasedon’tmaketrouble.”
“I’manoutlaw,kid.Troublefindsme.”
Hestaredupwithsadeyes.
“Tryandeatthatdonutwithoutlickingyourlips.”
Helookedatthedonut.“Tooeasy.”
“Goonthen.”
Hetookabiteandlickedhislipsrightoff.
“Youjustlickedthem.”
“Didnot.”
Theywalkedbackdownthesidewalk,theskycoveringover,thoserollingcloudschasingthedaysofast.
“Imissher.”
Shesqueezedhishand.Shestillhadn’tdecidedifshefeltthesame.
***
Thirtyyearsinthesameroom,steeltoiletandbasin,wallsdugoutandscrawled.Adoorthatslidopenandclosedatsettimeseachday.
WalkstoodoutsideFairmontCountyCorrectionalFacilityandtookinthesun,highandmercilessnomatterthemonth.Heglancedupatthecamera,watchedmenintheyard,thechainlinksturningthemintopuzzlepiecesthatdidnotfitanywhereatall.
“Icannevergetusedtothecolors.Everythinglookswashedout.”
Cuddylaughed.“Missingyourblue,Walk.”
Cuddylitacigarette,offeredWalkonebuthewavedhimoff.
“Youeversmoke?”
“Nevereventriedit.”
Theywatchedmenshoothoops,barechests,sweating.Amanfell,gotupandsquaredoffbutcaughtsightofCuddyandsquasheditquick.Thegamewenton,theferocity,lifeordeathandnoroomforthebetween.
“Itgottome,thisone,”Cuddysaid.
WalkturnedbutCuddykepthiseyesonthegame.
“ButthenIusedtothinksomepeopleweren’tmeantforthisplace.WhenIstartedout,workingthefloor.I’dseethembringinawhitecollar,lawyerorbankerorsomethingandI’dthinktheydon’tbelonghere.Butthenmaybetherearen’tdegreesofbad.Maybeitdoesn’tmatterbyhowmuchyoucrosstheline.”
“Mostpeoplegetnear.Atleastonceintheirlife.”
“Notyou,Walk.”
“There’sstilltime.”
“Vincentcrossedwhenhewasfifteen.Myfatherworkedthatnighttheybroughthimin.Newscrewswerehere.Irememberthejurycalleditlate.”
Walkremembered,too.
“Myfathersaidit,worstnightofhislife.Andyoucanonlyimaginethethingshesaw.Bookinginakid.Watchingthemen,armsthroughbars,calling.Acouplewerealright,supportiveeven.Butmost,youknow.Keepthenoiseup,welcomehimthatway.”
Walkclutchedthefence,fingersthroughthediamonds,theairbeyondjustashardtobreathe.
“Iwasnineteenmyfirstdayhere.”Cuddystubbedouthiscigaretteandkeptholdofthebutt.“FouryearsolderthanVincent.Iworkedhisunit,onthree.Shit,Iusedtolookathimandseeakid,sameaseveryone.Maybeakidfrommyschool,maybealittlebrother,whatever.Ilikedhimrightoff.”
Walksmiled.
“Ithoughtabouthim,athome,whenIwasonvacation,whenIcaughtamoviewithagirlIliked.”
“Yeah?”
“Hislifeandmine.Theyaren’tallthatdifferent,saveforasinglemistake.Anditwasthat.Child’slife…Jesus.TwochildrenifyoucountVincent.Ifhe’sbackhere,ifhecametonothing,it’smoretragic,right.Moreofawaste.”
Walkhadtriedoutthosesameideas.
“Iwashappy,whenyoucameandgothim.Endonechapter,toolong,startanewone.Hehadthetime,Walk.We’renotallthatold,youknow.”
“Iknow.”Walkthoughtofthedisease,howittwistedhimintosomeonehewasnotreadytobe.
“SometimespeoplecomplainedIfavoredhim,saidIgavehimmoretimeintheyardandshit.Idid.IdidallIcouldtogivehimit.Life…partiallife,whatever.We’renotsupposedtoquestionguilt,wedoourjobs,right?”
“Wedo.”
“Ineveraskthisquestion.Ineveraskedit,notonceinthirtyyearshere.”
“Hedidn’tdoit,Cuddy.”
Cuddybreathedheavily,likehe’dbeenholdingthatquestionalongtime.Andthenheturnedandopenedthegate.
“Igotyouaroom.”
“Thankyou.”Walkhadbeendreadingtalkingthroughthephones,easiertostaydistantwithplexiglassbetweenthem.
Cuddyledhimtoanoffice,emptyofeverythingbutametaltableandtwochairs.Theplaceforlawyerandclient,linesfed,appealandhopeandwhichcircuittoexhaustnext.
Vincentfiledin,Cuddyuncuffedhim,lookedoveratWalkthenleftthem.
“Whatthehellareyoudoing?”Walksaid.
Vincenttooktheseatoppositeandcrossedhislegs.“You’velostweight,Walk.”
Anothertwopounds.Heatebreakfastandnothingmore,justdrankcoffee.Hehadapaininhisstomach,notsharp,justheavyandconstant,likehisbodywasturninginonhimagain.Hisnewpillswerestilldoingtheirjob,helpinghimstaysteady,helpinghimstandandwalkandalmosttakebothofthosethingsforgranted.
“Youwanttotellmewhat’sgoingon?”
“Isentyoualetter.”
“Igotit.I’msorry.”
“Imeantit.”
“Andeverythingelseinthere.”
“Imeantthattoo.”
“Iwon’tputthehouseup.Maybeafterthetrial,onceweknowthefuture.”
Vincentlookedpained,likehe’dcalledonafavorandfoundWalkallout.He’dbeenclear,theletter,hiswritingsogracefulWalkreadittwice.Sellthehouse.Taketheoffer,themillionbucksfromDickieDarke.
“Ialreadyhavethecheck.Ijustneedyoutotakecareofthepaperwork.”
Walkshookhishead.“Justwaitandwe’ll—”
“Youlooklikeshit,”Vincentsaid.
“I’mfine.”
Theysettledbacktosilence.
“DuchessandRo…andtheboy.Thelittleboy.”Hesaidthenamesquietly,likehewasn’tworthyofspeakingthem.
“Youneedsomething,Vincent.Wecantalkaboutit,wecansortsomethingoutbutIthinkyouneedtotakesometimeonit.”
“That’ssomethingIdohave.”
Walktookastickofgumfromhispocketandofferedoneover.
“Contraband,”Vincentsaid.
“Right.”
Walkstaredathim,lookingforsomethinghecouldn’tsee.Notguilt,notremorse.He’dtoyedwiththeideathatVincentmissedit,institutionalized.Hedidn’tbuyit,itdidn’tfitatall.Vincentlookedaway,allthetime,nevermeetinghiseyeforlongerthanablink.
“Iknow,Vin.”
“Whatdoyouknow?”
“Thatyoudidn’tdoit.”
“Guiltisdecidedlongbeforetheactiscommitted.Peoplejustdon’trealizeit.Theythinktheyhaveachoice.Theylookback,playitdifferent,slidingdoors,buttheyneverreallydid.”
“Youwon’tspeakbecauseyouknowI’lltieyouup.Youcan’tkeepaconsistentlie.”
“That’snot—”
“Ifyoudiditwhere’sthegun?”
Vincentswallowed.“Idoneedyoutoinstructalawyerforme.”
Walkbreathedout,smiledandtappedthetablewiththeflatofhishand.“Yes,good.Iknowacoupleofguys,goodtriallawyers.”
“IwantMarthaMay.”
Walkstoppedtapping.“Excuseme?”
“MarthaMay.Iwantherandnooneelse.”
“Sheworksfamilylaw.”
“She’stheonlylawyerIwant.”
Walkletitsettleawhile.“What’syouranglehere?”
Vincentkepthiseyesdown.
“Whatthehelliswrongwithyou?ThirtyyearsI’vebeenwaitingforyou.”Walkslammedthetablewithhishand.“Comeon,Vincent.Youweren’t…yourlife,itwasn’ttheonlyoneonhold.”
“Youthinkourliveshavebeenclosetothesame?”
“That’snotwhatImeant.Itwashardonallofus.Star.”
Vincentstood.
“Wait.”
“Whatisit,Walk?Whatdoyouneedtosay?”
“BoydandtheD.A.They’regoingfordeath.”
Thewordhungthere.
“YoutellMarthatocomeseeme.I’llsignpapers.”
“It’llbeacapitalcase.Jesus,Vincent.Thinkaboutwhatyou’redoing.”
Vincentknockedthedoorandsignaledtheguard.“I’llseeyou,Walk.”
Thathalfsmileagain,thesmilethattookhimbackthirtyyearsandkeptWalkfromgivinguponhisfriend.
14
THEYSLEPTTILLEIGHTTHATfirstSunday.
Duchesswokefirst,herbrotherpressedclosetoher,hisfacewashedgold.Hecaughtthesunquick.
Shesteppedfromthebedintothebathroomandcaughttheshapeofherfaceinthemirror.She’dlostweight,skinnytostart,hercheeksnowhollowed,collarbonesproud.Eachdayshelookedmorelikehermother,somuchthatRobintoldherthatsheshouldeatsomething.
Asshewalkedoutandintothehallwayshesawit.Adress.Flowersonit,maybedaises.Besidewasahangerandonitasmartcottonshirtanddarkslacks,thetagsstillon,size4-5.
Shetookthestairsslow,stilllearningthenoisesoftheoldhouse.Atthekitchendoorshestoodandwatchedhim.Shoesshined,tie,stiffcollar.Thoughshewascertainshemadenosoundheturned.
“Ileftyouadressout.WegotochurchonaSunday.CanyonView,wedon’tmissit.”
“Don’tsay‘we’likeyoumeanmeandmybrother.”
“Thekidslikeitatthechurch.Theyhavecakeafter.IalreadytoldRobinandhewasalright.”
Robin,Judas,woulddoanythingforcake.
“Yougotochurch.We’llstayhere.”
“Ican’tleaveyoualone.”
“Youhaveforthirteenyears.”
Hetookit.
“Youdidn’tevenbuytherightsize.Robinissix.Youboughtfourtofive,youdon’tevenknowhowoldyourowngrandsonis.”
Halswallowed.“I’msorry.”
Shewalkedoverandpouredherselfcoffee.“Whatmakesyouthinkthere’saGodanyway?”
Hepointedinthedirectionofthewindow.Sheturnedandlookedout.
“Idon’tseenothingatall.”
“Youdo,Duchess.Youseeitall.Iknowyoudo.”
“IknowwhatIdosee.”
Helookedup,tensedalittle,likehewasmorethanreadyforit.
“Iseetheshellofamanwho’smadeadecentmessofhisownlife,who’sgotnofriendsandnofamilyandnoonetogiveashitwhenhedropsdead.”Shesmiled,innocent.“Probablyhappeninhisfield,hisspecialfuckinglandpaintedinGod’scolor.He’lllaytheretillhisskinisgreen,tilltheoiltankcomesandthedeliveryguyseesthecrows,ahundredcrowsamongstthewheat.Theanimalswillhavetornhimupbythen.Butitwon’tmatterbecausethey’llstickhimstraightintheground.Noonetomourn.”
Shesawaslighttrembleinhishandashepickeduphiscoffee.Shewantedtogoon,maybeshe’dtalkofheraunt,herdarlingbeautifulauntwhosegravewould’vegoneuntendedbecausehermothercouldn’tfaceitandHalhadlefthersototallyalone.Ifitwasn’tforher,ridingthehill,pickingthewildflower,Sissywouldhavejustrottedalone.Butthenshelookedupandsawherbrotheratthedoor.
RobinclimbedupontothechairoppositeHal.“Idreamedaboutcake.”
HalwatchedDuchess.
“You’llcometochurch,won’tyou?”Robinstaredather,andshesawitinhiseyes,thatneedforher.“Please,Duchess.NotforGod,justforthecake.”
Sheclimbedthestairsandsnatchedthedressdownfromwhereithungabovethebedroomdoor,swingingontheframe.Inthebathroomsheopenedthecabinet,fishedthroughband-aidsandsoapandshampoo,foundapairofscissorsandgottowork.
Shecutitshort,thedaisiesstoppinghighonherpalethighs.Acoupleofrandomslashes,showingherback,thetopofherstomach.Shedidn’trunabrushthroughherhair,justtousledtillitwaswild.Shedugheroldsneakersoutfrombeneaththebedandkickedthenewsandalsacrossthefloor.Shehadacutonherknee,grazesfromcropsthatstoodastallasher,andascaronherarmthatsheknewwouldnotheal.Ifshe’dhadabustshe’dhavecutthedresslowinfront.
Theywereoutsidewhenshecamedown.Halhadwashedthetruckthedaybefore,Robinhelpedhim,thetwoofthemsoapingitupbeneathfallingsun,rinsingitoffandwipingitdownwithawornchamois.
“Oh,Jesus,”Robinsaidwhenhesawher.
Halstopped,stared,tookit,thenclimbedintothetruck.
Theypassedanotherfarm,alineoftransmissiontowers,whiterustedbrown,thesteadyhumoflineslostbeneaththerattleoftheengine.Eastapiperosefromthelandlikeawormfeelingthefirstdrumofrain,itcarriedfivehundredyardsthenburied.
Tenminutesandtheypassedalonesignhammeredintothedirt,THETREASURESTATE
“Didthatsay‘treasure’?”
ShepattedRobin’sknee.Shereadwithhimnightly,tenminutes.Hewassmart,alreadyshecouldseethat,toosmartforherandStar.Sheworriedhe’dslipbehind,oldlifetugginghimbacklikevinesaroundhisfeet.
“Minerals.”HalkeptahandonthewheelbutturnedonceandraisedhiseyebrowsatRobin.“OroyPlata.Goldandsilver.”
Robintriedawhistlebutnevercouldgetmuchofasound.
WestwastheFlathead,sofarDuchesscouldnotmakeoutthebuffalo.Shecouldseeprairies,hundredsofsomething,cattlemaybe.
“Andtheheadwaters.Thatwaterthatflowsthroughtherestofthecountrystartsouthere.”
Robindidnotwhistleatthat.
Theyturned.AsigntoldthemitwasCanyonViewBaptist.Theonlyviewshecouldseewasmorebrowns.
Thechurch,vernacular,woodandwhite,thegablefrontsplinteringandthebelltowerlowenoughtothrowstonesat.
“Youcouldn’tfindashittierchurch?”
Therewerecarsandtrucksinthesmalllot.Duchessclimbedoutintosunlightandstaredaround.Fiftymilesoutwindturbinesspun.
Anoldladywanderedover,smiledwide,liverspotsandhangingskin,liketheearthwascallingthefleshtobeburiedbutherbrainwastoostubborntocedeit.
“Morning,Agnes,”Halsaid.“ThisisDuchessandRobin.”
Agnesextendedaskeletalhand.Robinshookitwithgreatcare,likeheworrieditmightcomefreeandhe’dbetaskedwithfixingthemess.
“Ohmy,that’saprettydress,”Agnessaid.
“Thisoldrag.IthoughtitwasalittleshortbutHalsaidthepriestwouldenjoyitgreatly.”
Agneskepthersmilethoughconfusiontriedhardtoreplaceit.
DuchessledRobinofftowardthechurch.Therewasaclusterofkidsbythesidewindow,neathair,everyoneofthemsmiling.
“Mustberetarded,”Duchesssaid.
“Canwegoplaywiththem?”
“No.They’lltryandstealyoursoul.”
Robinlookedupather,tryingtosearchforasmile.Sheheldfirm.
“Howwilltheystealit?”
“They’lldistractyouwithunrealisticideals.”
Shefussedwithhishairandpushedhimtowardthem,noddingwhenheturnedback
“Yoursister’sdressisgross,”alittlegirlsaid.Duchesswalkedover,thekidsallwatchinghercareful.Thegirllookedpastherandwavedatalargeladywearingpurpleeyeshadow.
“Isthatyourmom?”Thebarbtookform.
Thegirlnodded.
Robinlookedupather,pleadinginhiseyes.
“Wehavetogoinsidenow,”Duchesssaid,swallowingitdown.
Robinbreathedagain.
Theysatonabenchatthebackofthechurch.
Dollystruttedin,toweringheelsandawaveofperfume.ShewinkedatDuchess.
RobinsatbetweenthemandaskedHalquestionsaboutGodthatcouldnotbeansweredbytheliving.
Thepriestledthem,spokeofplacesfar,warandfamineandthedesecrationofkindness.Duchessletitrolloverhertillhementioneddeathandnewbeginning,theclimaxofaplansovastweshouldnottrytounderstandorquestionit.ShewatchedRobin,rapt,knowingcertainwherehismindwas.
WhentheybowedtheirheadsinprayershefoundStar’sfacebehindhereyes,soclearanduntroubledshewantedtocryout.Shefelttearswellsokeptthemlockedtight.Andwhentheoldpriestspokeagainshestayedbowed,stayedlockedtothegatewayforfearshewouldlosethatlastimageshewasnotyetreadyto.
Shefeltahandonher,abighand,reachingoverherbrotherandtryingtoofferhercomfortwhensheneededitleast.
“Fuckyou,”shewhispered.“Fuckallofyou.”
Shestoodandranfromthechurch,sofastandsofarshecouldscarcelyhearthecallofdamnation,pressingherintothedirt.
Shesatinthelonggrassandtriedtobreatheherselfcalm.ShedidnotnoticeDollyuntilshecametositbesideher.
“Nicedress.”
Duchessrippedupahandfulofgrassandtosseditintothelightbreeze.
“Iwon’taskifyou’realright.”
“Good.”
Duchessstoleaglanceather,brightlipsandsmokedeyes,haircurled.Sheworeacreamskirt,navytopcutlow,andsilkscarf.SomuchawomanDuchessfeltevenmoreagirl.
“That’salotoftitforchurch.”
“Itakemybraoffandthey’drolldowntheaisle.”
Duchessdidnotlaugh.“It’sallbullshit.Inthere.”
Dollylithercigarette,thesmokejustaboutcoveringtheperfume.“Iseeyou,Duchess.”
“Whatdoyousee?”
“Iusedtohatelikethat.Theflamesgettoohotsometimes,right?”Thecigaretteflaredalittleinthebreeze.
Duchesswentbacktotearingatthegrass.“Youdon’tknowshitaboutme.”
“Iknowyou’restillyoungenough.Ididn’tworkitouttillIwasold.”
“Workoutwhat?”
“ThatIwasn’taloneintheworld.”
Duchessclimbedtoherfeet.“IknowI’mnotalone.I’vegotmybrother.AndIdon’tneedanyoneelse.NotHal,notyou,andnotGod.”
***
Bitterwaterwasasprawlofconcreteandsteel.Storefrontspaperedwithfliersforbarsandbandsandcheapliquor.TwentymilesinlandfromtheCape,thekindofplacewheresomethingcriticalwentwrongduringplanningmeets.
Walkpassedrowsofindustrialunits,shippingcontainersstacked,self-storageandtradesupplies,beforehefoundtheplace.
ThelawofficeofMarthaMay,partofastripmallontheedgeoftown,wassandwichedbetweenadrycleanerandaMexicanplacethatadvertisedeighty-nine-centtacos.
Walkleftthecruiserinaspotandcrossedthelot.
BitterwaterDental,SpiritElectronics,RedDairy.AsalonwhereamaskedAsianwomansprayedthenailsofatired-lookingmother,whorockedastrollerwithherfoot.
Abovetheskygrayedandbesidetheneonblinked.TACOS.Hepushedthedoorandwasmetbywalltowallpeople.Allwomen,allwithkidsandthekindofeyesthattoldsimilar,sorrystories.Therewasadesk,asecretarypushingseventy,bluehairandpinkframes.Shesmackedgumasshetyped,cradledaphonebetweenherearandshoulderandwinkedatalittlegirlwhowasscreamingtheplacedown.
Walksteppedoutagain.
Hesatinthecartillsix,countedofftheleaversandwatchedthesecretaryclimbintoarustingBroncoandspendagoodminutefiringtheengine.Whenshewasgonehecrossedthelot.TheMexicanplacewaswarmingupwithwearyofficeworkerssippingbeerinthewindow.
Hetriedtheshopdoorbutfounditlocked,soheknockedacoupleoftimes.
Heheardherontheothersideofthefrostedglass.“We’reclosed.You’llhavetocomebacktomorrow.Sorry.”
“Martha.It’sWalk.”
Aminutetillheheardthelocksnap.
Andthenthereshewas.
Theyeyedeachotherforamoment.MarthaMay,brownhairframedanelfinface.Sheworeagraysuit,WalkalmostsmiledwhenhesawtheChuckTaylorsshepairedwithit.
Hethoughtofmovingforahugbutsheturned,nosmile.Sheledhimtoheroffice,whichwasnicerthanhewasexpecting.Oakdesk,pottedplantandwalltowalllawbooks.Shesat,thenmotionedforhimtofollow.
“It’sbeenalongtime,Walk.”
“Ithas.”
“I’dofferyoucoffeebutI’mtoobeat.”
“It’snicetoseeyou,Martha.”
Finallyasmile,anditgothimthewayitalwayshad.
“I’msosorryaboutStar.Iwantedtocome,butIhadacourtdateandcouldn’tmoveit.”
“Igottheflowers.”
“Thosekids.Jesus.”
Therewerefilesonherdesk,stackedneatlybuttoweringhigh.Theytalkedawhile,aboutStar,theshockofitandthewayBoydhadtakenover.Hemadeitsoundlikehewasonthecasetoo.Therewassomethingstrainedthere,theonlywayitcouldbewhentwopeoplewho’veseeneachothernakedreconvene.
“AndVincent?”
“Hedidn’tdoit.”
Shewalkedovertothewindowandlookedoutataviewofthehighwaybehind.Heheardthepassingcars,theoccasionalhorn,theroarofamotorcycle.
“You’vedonewellhere,Martha.”
Shetiltedherheadalittle.“Why,thankyou,Walk.Yourapprovalmeanssomuchtome.”
“Ididn’tmean—”
“I’mtootiredforsmalltalk.Youwanttotellmewhatyouwant?”
Hismouthdried.Hedidn’twanttobethere,callingonthekindoffavorhehadnowayofrepaying.
“Vincentwantsyou.”
Sheturned.“Wantsmehow?”
“Wantsyouashislawyer.Iknowhowthatsounds.”
Shelaughed.“Doyou,Walk?BecausethewayIhearyoudon’thaveagoddamclue.”Shetookabreathandcalmed.Therewasaplaqueonthewall,Southwestern,andacorkboardbeside,withcardsandphotosofsmilingmothersandtheirkids
“I’mnotacriminallawyer.”
“Iknowthat.Itoldhim.”
“No.That’smyanswer.”
“Alright.Iasked.”
Shesmiled.“StilldoingVincentKing’sbidding.”
“I’ddoanythingtostopaninnocentmanbeingputtodeath.”
“It’sacapitalcase?”
“Yes.”
Sheslumpedinherchair,kickedhersneakersupontothedesk.“Icanrecommendsomeone.”
“Ialreadytriedthat.”
Shefishedacandyfromabowl,peanutM&Ms.“Whythehelldoeshewantme?”
“Thirtyyearsinthere,it’seasytoforget,youandmeareallhe’sgotnow.”
“Idon’tevenknowhim.AndIdon’tevenknowyouanymore,Walk.”
“Ihaven’tchangedallthatmuch.”
“That’swhatI’mafraidof.”
Helaughed.“Youwanttograbsomethingtoeatandcatchup?”Hespokequietly,hischeeksbeginningtoredden.“Ifyou’vegoteighty-ninecentsIknowagreattacoplace.”
“CanIbehonest,Walk?”
“Sure.”
“I’vespentalongtimeleavingCapeHavenbehind.Idon’twanttoheadbackthere.”
Hestood,smiledandwalkedoutthedoor.
15
WALKWATCHEDTHESLOWWAKEofMain.
Miltonstoodbloodied,layingoutcutswithaneyefortheartistry,brisketandprimeandshort.Walkboughthissteakthere,atapricethevacationerswouldn’tgetnear.
He’djustgotoffthephonewithHal.He’dcheckinweekly,checkonRobin,maybetheonlyonewhomighthaveheardsomethingthatnight.Halsaidthey’dfoundadoctor,ashrink,aladythatworkedoutofherhometwentymilesfromtheRadleyfarm.Theymentionednonames,notowns.Walkwasoverlycautious.
“Youwantcoffee?”Leahsaidfromthedoor.
Walkshookhishead.“Youalright,Leah?”
“Tired.”
Somedaysitwasclearshe’dbeencrying,redeyesswollen.WalkguesseditwasEd,he’dalwayshadaneye.Walkreasonedmenwerejustwireddifferent,flaweddesign,fuckingidiots.
“Ineedtogetonthosefilessoon.Thestateofthatbackroom.”
She’dbeenridinghimaboutitforyears,achangeofsystem,newforms.ItwasnosecretWalklikedthingsthewaytheywere.Everytimeanapplicationwasputthroughtopulldownanoldhouseandreplaceithelodgedanobjection.
Thestatecopshadgone,leftatrailofhamburgerwrappersandcoffeecupswithBoydpromisingtokeephimupdated.
“YoureckonIcouldpickupsomeextrashifts?Imean,IknowI’mdoingthedaysbutIwonderedifyouneededmetohangaroundlater.”
“Everythingalright,Leah?”
“Youknowhowitis.Gotoneheadingofftocollege,andRickywantssomevideogame.”
“Sure.I’llsortsomethingout.”Theyhadalimitedbudgetbuthe’dmakeitstretchforher.EdownedTallowConstructionandsheusedtoworkadminthere,butthenthemarketturnedonthem.Still,hewonderedifthatwasallitwas.Sheseemedtobeatthestationmore,atthebeach,anywherebuthomewithherhusband.
Hehadthefileopen,Starstaringback.Thereportswereinnow.
BesidethathehadVincent’sfile.He’dspentthepreviousnightlookingbackthirtyyears.Hereadtranscripts,thefirst,lookingintothedeathofSissyRadley.Andthenhe’dlookedatthesecond,theprisonbrawlthatgotoutofhand.Thedeadman’snamewasBaxterLogan,andthewayWalkreadithewasthekindofpersontheworldwaswellshotof.HewasalreadyservinglifefortheabductionandmurderofayoungrealtornamedAnnieClavers.Walkreadtheinterview,Vincent’svoiceclearinhismind.
Ididit.Wegotintoit,Ihithimandhewentdownanddidn’tgetupagain.Idon’tremembermuchelse.Idon’tknowwhatmoretotellyou,Cuddy.YougivemesomethingtosignandI’llsignit.
ThreemorepagesandCuddyhadexplainedthefacts,triedtocoaxandleadinthatsubtlewayWalksawsoclear.Letuscallitself-defense,becauseeveryoneknewthat’swhatitwas.
Itwasn’tself-defense.Justafight.Doesn’tmatterwhostartedit.
Thestatewentinheavyagain,settledonsecond-degreemurder.Vincentsettledontwentyyearstackedon.
HepickedupthephoneandcalledCuddy,gothimafterfiveminutes.
“I’mlookingthroughtheVincentKingfile.”
Cuddysniffedlikehewasfightingacold.“IthoughtBoydwasdonewiththat.”
“Heis.”
“Right.”
“ThereportIgot,VincentKingandBaxterLogan.There’snotmuchdetailintheautopsy.”
“That’sallwe’vegot,I’mafraid.Logandiedwhenhehitthestonefloor.Twenty-fouryearsago,Walk.Reportsweren’tasdetailed.”
“HowisVincentdoing?”
Heheardthebigmanleanbackinhischair,theleatherstretching.“Hedoesn’tspeak.Noteventome.”
“Didheseehimselfonthenews?”ThelocalswererampingupthepressureontheD.A.tofinallybringthecharges.
“Hedoesn’thaveaTV.”
Walkfrowned.“ButIthought—”
“Ohhecouldhaveone.I’veoffered,manytimes.”
“Sowhatdoeshedointhere?”
Silence,alongtime.“Cuddy?”
“He’sgotapictureofthegirl.SissyRadley.He’sgotitonthewall,andthat’stheonlythinginthatcell.”
WalkclosedhiseyesasCuddytoldhimtostayintouch.
Hecheckedthereport.TheautopsywascarriedaboutbyDavidYuto,M.D.Itgaveanaddressandphonenumber.Hecalledit,gotanansweringmachineandleftamessage.Twenty-fouryears,hedoubtedthemanwasstillthere.Andifhewas,Walkwonderedwhatthehellhe’daskhim.Hewastryingtobeacop,toworkacaseasbesthecould.DespiteBoyd’swarning,he’dpushon.Hejustdidn’tknowwhichdirectiontoheadin.
LouanneMillercamein,satdownopposite,nottalking,justwatchingthewindow,likealways.
WalkflippedapageandstaredatStar,herhairfannedbehind,armbentatananglelikeshewasreachingoutforsomeonetohelpher.
“Youneedtotidythisoffice.”Louannelookedatthestackedpapers,themessallover.
“IwanttotalktoDarkemyself.”
“Becauseyou’lldobetterthanthestatecops?You’retoughlikethat?”
“I’veknownDarkesince—”
“Nothing,Walk.That’swhatthatmeans.Nothing.LookatVincentKing,andIseeyoulookinghisway,likeyouexpecthimtostillbethekidthatleftherethirtyyearsback.He’sgone,though,whateveryouknewabouthim,itlefthimthedayhesteppedintoFairmont.”
“You’rewrong.”
“Serious,Walk.Iknowyoudidn’tchange.Buteveryoneelsedid.”
OutthewindowWalksawthecolorstoobright,bluesandwhite,polishedglassandbleachedflags.
“Sowhatelseisthere?”shesaid.
“Burglary.Theplacewastrashed.”
“Butnothingmissing.Morelikeafightthatgotoutofhand.”
“Milton’slying.”
“Nogoodreasonforthat.”
“Let’sgoburglary.CouldbeStardisturbedthem,”hesaid,againreaching,sofarhealmoststumbledoverhiswords.
“Allofthis,whatyou’resaying,youhavetodiscountthefactthatwefoundaman,sittinginthehouse,herbloodonhisshirt,hisprintsallovereverything,possiblemotive.”
“Noway,”hefiredbackquick.
“Andyethereweare.Onahunch.”
“Vincentwon’tsayaword.Hewon’tsaywhy,hewon’tsayhowhegotin,whattimeithappened.Shit,hecalleditinhimself.Fromtheirphone.”
“Hewasvicious.Star…howmanyribsdidhebreak?You’vegotthephotosinfrontofyou.”
Helookedatthemagain,themarksangryacrossherchest,bluetopurple,streaksuponbrokenbones.Therewasfeelinginvolved,akindofhatredsohotWalkcouldfeelitsearing.
“Andtheswellingbyhereye.”
“He’sthere,howeverhegotin,nosignofabreak-in.Sheinviteshimin,somethinghappens.Hebeatsher.Shootsherdead.Runs,hidestheweapon,returnsandsitsdowninthekitchen,callsitin.Andwaitsforus.Thekid,Robin,he’slockedinhisbedroom,mercifully,butthere’sachanceheheardsomething.”
Walkstoodandopenedthewindowtothecallofanotherperfectmorning.Anhourortwoathisdesk,that’sallhecouldevertake.
“IneedtotalktoDarke,”hesaidagain.“There’shistorywithStar.He’sviolent.”
“Alibiistight.”
“That’swhyI’vecalledherin.”
“Boydsaidtoleaveitalone.Don’tfuckwithastatecase.”
Walktookadeepbreath,everythingswimming,nothingclearatall,otherthanthefactheknewVincent.NomatterwhatLouannesaid.HeknewVincentKing.Fuckthethirtyyears,heknewhisfriend.
“Youneedtoshave,Walk.”
“Sodoyou.”
Shelaughedatthat.AndthenLeahcalledthrough,andtoldhimDeeLanewaswaiting.
Hefoundheratthedesk,thenledherthroughtothecompactofficeintheback.Asmalltable,fourchairsandawidevaseburstingwithVendelaroses.ViewoutoverMain,moregrandmother’sguesthousethaninterrogationroom.
Deelookedbetterthanthelasttimehe’dseenher.Sheworeasimpleyellowsummerdressandherhairwasstyled.Alittlemakeup,justenoughtopushthesoftinfrontofthehard.Shecarriedapaperbagandhandeditovertohim.
“Peachgalettes,”shesaidbywayofgreeting.“Iknowhowmuchyoulikethem.”
“Thankyou.”
Hehadnotaperecorder,nopadorpen.
“Ialreadyspoketotheofficersfromstatepolice.”
“I’mjustrunningoverthings.Youwantacoffee?”
Shedroppedhershouldersalittle.“Sure,Walk.”
Helefther,foundLeahandaskedhertoputapoton.WhenhereturnedDeewasstandingbythewindow.
“Itlooksdifferentoutthere,”shesaid.“Main.Thenewstoresandthenewfaces.Imean,itwasgradual,right.Youknowabouttheapplicationfornewhomes?”
“Itwon’tpass.”
Sheturned,satagainandcrossedherlegs.“YouthinkI’mweak…withDarke.”
“Justtryingtounderstandit.”
“Heshowedup,boughtmeflowersandtoldmehewassorry.Onethingledtoanother.”
“Tellmehowitstartedwithhim.”
“Hecameintothebank,openedacheckingaccount.Ithoughthewas…cuteisn’ttherightwordtodescribetheguy.Hewasquietbuttough—Shit,Walk.Idon’tknowwhattosay.Hecameinafewmoretimes,alwaysgotinmyline.Iaskedhimout.Hesaidyeah.That’showitgoes,right?”
“Before,yousaidtherewasnothingnaturalabouthim.”
“Iwaspissed,thehouse.Iwaslashingout.Itellyouonethingabouthim.”
“What?”
“Hewasgoodwithmygirls.Attentive.Heusedtowatchthem,pushthemontheswings,youknow.Justbewiththem.OnetimeIcameinfromtheyardandfoundhimwithMollyonhislap.WatchingaDisneymovie.There’snotmanyguysthatwouldtaketoanotherman’skids.”
Leahbroughtthecoffeeandleftthem.Hishandshookashetookhiscup,sobadhesetitdownagain.
“Youalright,Walk?Youlooktired.Andmaybeyouneedashave.Imean,nooffenceornothing.”
“Sohestayedallnight.Darke?”
“Ikickedhimoutearly,beforethegirlsgotup.”
Heslumpedbackinhischair,thetirednesswashingoverhim,eyesdryandmusclesaching.
“Iknowyoudon’twanttoseeit,Walk.VincentandStarandallthat.ButDarke,theguycanbeanasshole,buthe’snotwhatyouthinkheis.Ormaybewhatyouwanthimtobe.”
“WhatdoIwanthimtobe?”
“TheguythatmakesVincentKinginnocent.”
***
Whenshewasdonewiththecorralshemovedontothestable,thesmellofshitnotsobadanymore.Twohorses,ablackandasmallergray.Theyhadnonames,that’swhatHalsaidwhenRobinasked.He’dbeenpuzzledbythat,Everyoneneedsaname
Muckingout,scoopingdampstrawandshitandbaggingit.Fetchingasmallpackedbalefromthestoreandforkingitoutandover.Sheknewtoleavethewetspots,letthemdrybeforeshecoveredthemover.Shefilledtheirwater,gavegraintwiceaday,sameexacttime,thegraycouldgetcolic.Sheledthemtotheirplaceandclosedthegate,sometimeswatchingthemrunhardthenkickandthrashliketheywereabouttoberoped.Duchesslikedhorses,aseveryoutlawshould.
Gunshot.
ItshookthecalmfromDuchesswithsuchforceshefelltoherknees.Theelk,onefootraised,headstilted.Andthentheyscatteredandran,sofasttheyweregonebythetimeshestood.
Shesprintedforthehouse,hearthammeringashermindrantoDarke.
ShecalmedalittlewhenshesawHalontheporch,buthisfacewasdrawnwithworry.
“He’supstairs,inthecloset.”
Shetookthestairsfast,intotheirroomandsawhim,onthefloor,theblanketoverhishead.
“Robin.”Shedidn’ttouchhimjustyet,insteadscootedherselfundertillshewasclose.
“Robin,”shespokesoftly.“It’salright.”
“Iheardit.”Soquietsheleanedin.
“Whatdidyouhear?”
“Thegun.Iheardit.Ihearditagain.”
ThatafternoonHalledthemdowntotheredbarnandtoldthemtowaitoutinthesun.Duchesswalkedovertothedoor,peekedthroughthecrackandsawHalrollthematback.
“Grandpasaidtowaithere.”
Shehushedherbrother.
Halpulledupadoorinthefloorandsteppeddown.Hereturnedwithagun.Hehelditlooseinhishand,byhisside,asmalltinboxinhisotherhand.
Duchessstoodclosetoherbrother.
“ThisisaSpringfield1911.It’sahandgun,lightandaccurate.Everyfarmerneedsagun.Whatyouheardbeforewasjusthunters,it’simportantyougetusedtothesound.Idon’twantyoutobeafraid.”Hekneltandheldthegunouttothem.RobintookastepbehindDuchess’sleg.
“It’snotloadedandthesafetyison.”
AfteraminuteDuchessreachedoutandtookit,colderthanshethought,heavywhenhesaiditwaslight.
Shestudieditwithcare,thenRobinsteppedoutandlooked.Heranafingeroverthehandle.
“Youwanttotryshooting,Duchess?”
Duchesslookeddownatthegun,hermindonhermother.Theholetorninherchest.ShethoughtofVincentKing.
“Yes.”
Outtothegreenfield,cropsnohigherthanDuchess’sankle.Beyondtheycametothefirstofthecedars,tall,ladderstothesky.
Onatrunkwiderthanthembothwereasmatteringofmarks,pocks,neatandordered.Leaveslongdeadandsettled,greenmosscrepttofallensticksandpuddlesthatshonewiththecanopiesabovethem.
Halledthembackfiftypaces,removedfourbulletsandshowedthemthechamberasheloaded.Heranthroughthesafetyandsight,thecorrecttwo-handsandhowtobreatheniceandeven.Andthenhehandedeachapairofearprotectors.
ThefirsttimeHalfiredRobinjumpedclearbackandDuchessheldhim.Thesecondhediditagain.Thirdandfourthalittleless.
Duchessloadednext,Halinstructing.Shehandledthebulletswithcarelikehesaidbutherheartstillquickened,thememoriesfluid,carryingherbacksototally.Walkandtheothercops,herbrother.Thetapeandthenewsvansandthenoise.
Shemissedsixinarow,eachtimeyankingherhandbackfromthekickinsteadofplantingherfeet.Robingrewbolder,stillclutchingHal’shandbutnotturninghishead.
Sheloadedagain,thistimeonlytheforestnoisewithher,Halwatchingclosebutlettingherfigureitout.
Thefirsttimeshehitthetreeshetookachunkfromtheedge.
Thensheputtwointhecenter,Robinwhoopingandclapping.
“Youcanshoot,”Halsaid.
Sheturnedbackbeforehecouldseethesmallsmile.
Sheworkedherwaythroughthebox,tillshecouldsinkthemintothemiddleofthecedar,oralittlehigherorlower.AndthenHalmovedherbacktwentypacesandshelearnedalloveragain.Correctingtheangle,shootingassheknelt,thenfromherstomach.Devoidofemotion,adrenaline,thehumantraitsthatruinedfinesse.
AstheywalkedbacktowardthefarmhouseRobinranonaheadtocheckonhisbirds.Thechickens.Hecollectedtheeggseachmorning,hisjobaloneandhelivedforit.
Duchesswatchedthelandasthesunbeganitsdrop,notlowenoughtosplinterthecolorsbutshefelttheheatdying.Summerwasbreathingitslast,Halsaidfallwasspectacular.
Shedrewupbythegray,whocametoher.Duchessstrokedhergently.
“Shedoesn’tcomeforme,”Halsaid.“Shelikesyou,andshedoesn’tlikemanypeople.”
Duchesssaidnothing,notwantingtofallintoconversation,notwantingtolosethatfirethatkepthermovingthrougheachday.
Thatnightsheatedinneraloneontheporch,stomachtightasshelistenedasHallaughedatsomethingRobinsaid.Itwasmomentslikethoseitcameforher,anddraggedherbacktotheCape.Theoldmanlaughing,smiling,afterwhathisgrandchildrenhadbeenthrough.Abondwasforming.
Shewalkedbackintothekitchen,openedthecabinetandpulledabottleofJimBeamfromthetopshelf.
Shetookitdowntothelake,unscrewedthecapanddrank.Shedidnotflinchattheburn.ShethoughtofVincentKing,dranksomemore,thenDarke,anddrankagain.Shedrankanddranktillthepaineased,hermusclesunwoundandtheworldbegantospin.Problemsmelted,edgessoftened.Shelayflatonherbackandclosedhereyes,feelinghermother.
Anhourtillshepuked.
AnothertillHalfoundher.
Throughthehazeshesawhiseyes,thosewateryblueeyesashegentlyscoopedherup.
“Ihateyou,”shesaidinawhisper.
Hekissedherheadasshepressedhercheektohischestandletthedarkfindher.
16
IFHOUSESHADSOULSSTAR’SplacewasblackasaDecembernight.
WalkfiguredDarkewould’vegotonassoonastheyreleasedit,maybefresheneditupforanewtenant,orjustpulledtheplacedownandstartedover.Butitstooduntouched,thestreetdoorreplacedwithplywood,awindowpoppedoutandboardedup.Thegrasswaslongandyellowed.
“Iknowyoumissher,Walk.Idotoo.Andthekids.”
Walkdidn’tneedtoturn,hesmelledthebloodrightoff.
“AnynewsonVincentKing?Ithoughttheywouldhavechargedhimbynow.Newspaperssayhe’llbeputtodeathwhentheyfindhimguilty.”
Walktensedalittle.Lasthe’dheardtheD.A.askedBoydtohaveanotherlookforthemurderweapon.WiththeparoleviolationVincentwasn’tgoinganywhere,timewasontheirside.
“Ilikethebeardbytheway.Nice.Realnice.It’scominginthick.Icouldgrowone,youknow.Wecouldbothhavebeards.That’dbefunny,right,Walk?”
“Sure,Milton.”
Miltonworesweatsandanundershirt,thethickhairswirledfromhisshouldersdowntothebacksofhishands.
“Thisplace,whathappenedhere.It’sfrightening,right.Bloodandall.It’salrightwhenit’sananimal.Imean,vegansseeitdifferent,butthenthey’lleatthewhitemeat,solongasit’sslicedthinenough.”
Walkscratchedhisheadatthat.
“ButStar,whenIthinkofherlyingthere.”Miltonclutchedhisstomach.“Don’tworry,I’vebeenwatchingtheplace.IfIseekidsoranything,I’llcallitin.10-54.”
“LivestockonHighway.”
Miltonturnedandheadedbackacrossthestreet,shufflingfeet,thatmetallicsmelltrailinghim.
WalkheadedupthepathandbangedonBrandonRock’sgaragedoor.
Itopenedtoablazeoflight,VanHalenplayingloud,thestrongsmellofsweatandcologne.BrandonworeLycrapants,amuscletopcroppedjustbelowhischest.
“Walk.ThatyoutalkingtoSasquatchjustnow?”
“Youfixedthatengineyet?”
“Washebitchingagain?YouknowIappliedtodoalittleworkonthehouse,Iwantedtoopentheback,putadojoabovethegarage.Guesswholodgedanobjection?”
Brandonopenedabottleofwateranddumpedhalfthecontentsoverhishead.“Cooldown.Iearnedit.”
“Fixthecar,Brandon.”
“Yourememberhimatschool,Walk?IwasdatingJuliaMartinatthetime,andshesaidMiltonusedtofollowherhome.Fuckingcreepedherout.”
“Thatwasthirtyyearsago.”
BrandonsteppedoutandstaredattheoldRadleyhouse.“IwishI’dbeenherethatnight.MaybeIcould’vedonesomething,Idon’tknow.”
Walkhadreadtheinterview,briefasitwas,they’dgonedoortodoor.“Soyouwereawaythatnight.”
“JustlikeItoldtheladyfromstate.EdTallowhadmeoutwithclients,lookingtobuildontheedgeoftown.Youheard?Japanese,youknowhowtheyliketoparty.”
“Right.”
Brandonworkedhisrightarm.“Keepingitstrong.WhenIgetsurgeryonthekneeI’llbetossingagain.”
Walkdidn’ttouchthatone.
Brandonpunchedhisarmgently,thenheadedbackintothegarage.Heclosedthedoor,cuttingthelightandmufflingthenoise.
WalksteppedacrossintoStar’sfrontyard,steelinghimselfasthatnightcamebacktohim.Hefeltthetremorinhisbody,putitdowntothememoriesandnothingmore,andthenwalkeddownthesideofthehouse.
Heopenedthesidegate,neverlocked,notintheCape,andthenhestoppedstillwhenheheardthenoisewithin.Hepressedclose,peeredinthewindowandsawtheflashlight.
Upontotheporch,hedrewhisgunandwasabouttomovethrough.
Walktookastepback,themantoweredoverhim.
“Darke.”
Thestare,nowords.
“Youscaredme.”WalkholsteredthegunasDarksatonthebench.
Walkjoinedhim,satbesidewithoutaninvite.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
“It’smyhouse.”
“Right.”
Walkwasmorethanaccustomedtotheheatbutstillwipedsweatfromhishead.“Iheardyouspokewiththestatecops.IreadthereportbutIwantedtotalktoyoumyself.Iwasgoingtocallbutnowyou’vesavedmethetrouble.”
“Thekids.Howtheydoing?”
“They’re…”Hesearchedforthewords.
“Iwantedtotalktothegirl.”
Walkstaredathimthen,hisbodystiffening.“Why?”
“TellherI’msorry.”
“Forwhat,exactly?”
“Shelostaparent.She’stough,right?”Hespokeslow,likeeachwordwaschosenwithgreatcare.
“She’sachild.”
Moonlightfoundthemthroughthetrees.
“Where’dtheygo?”
“Alongwayfromhere.”
Gianthandsrestedongiantthighs.Walkthoughtaboutmovingthroughlifelikethat,crowdsparting,peoplestaring.
“Tellmeabouther.”
“Duchess?”
Darkenodded.“She’sthirteen,yes?”
Walkclearedhisthroat.“Wegotacouplecallsovertheyears.HilltopMiddle.Peoplesaidtheysawacarsittingbytheschoolfence.Blackcar.Nooneevertooktheplates.”
“I’vegotablackcar,ChiefWalker.”
“Iknow.”
“Youeverthinkaboutthethingsyou’vedone?”
“Sure.”
“Andthethingsyouknowyou’llhavetodo.”
“I’mnotsureIknowwhatyoumean.”
Darkelookedtothemoon.
“Youknowthere’srumorsaboutyou,Dickie.”
“Yes.”
“Peoplesayyou’reviolent.”
“Iamviolent.Youtellthemthat.”
Walkfelthisthroatdryasthebigmankepthiseyesskyward.
“Iseeyouatthechurch,”Darkesaid.
“Idon’tseeyou.”
“Idon’tgoinside.Whatdoyouprayfor?”
Walkrestedahandonhisgun.“Afitandjustend.”
“Hopeissecular.Andlifeisfragile.Andsometimesweholdontootight,eventhoughweknowit’llbreak.”Darkegottohisfeet,castingWalkintoshadow.
“IfyouspeaktothegirlyoutellherI’vebeenthinkingabouther.”
“I’vestillgotquestions.”
“Itoldthosestatecopseverything.Youcallmylawyerifyouneedanythingelse.”
“AndVincent?Youknowaboutthehouse?He’sthinkingaboutselling.Anyideawhyhechangedhismind?”
“Maybehefoundhisprice.Tragedybringsclarityofthought.I’mtalkingtothebank.I’llgetthemoney.”
Heturnedandleft.Walkstoodandpressedclosetotheglassandreachedforhisflashlight.
Thekitchen,everyunitpulleddown.Ceilingpanelspopped,drywallpunchedthroughinspots.WhateverelseDarkehadbeendoingthere,onethingwascertain.He’dbeensearchingforsomething.
***
SummerbledfromMontanafasterthanithadintheCape,firstinsmalldrips,thenthedelugeofshadedmornings,broodingdusk.
DuchessreceivedapostcardfromWalk,justaphototakenfromtheCabrilloHighway.Hewroteonthebackinbluepen,hisscrawlinshakinghand,sobadshealmostcouldnotreadit.
Ithinkofyouboth.
Walk.
Shetackedittothewallbehindherbed.
Shestilldidnotspeaktotheoldman,insteadmutteringtothegrayhorse.Itbecameanexercise,she’dtalkaboutthethingsshedidnotwantto,DarkeandVincent,thetimeshefishedvomitfromhermother’smouthwithherfingers,thetimesheandRobinpracticedtherecoverypositionbeneaththeokamecherryatLittleBrook.
SomenightsshesatonthestairsandlistenedasHalspoketoWalkonthetelephone.
Robin’scomingalong,lovestheanimals.Hesleepswell.Heeatswell.Thatshrink,shesaidhe’sdoingbetter.Halfhoureachweek,hedoesn’tcomplain.
Andthenthechange,theswingreachingitshighandcomingbackdown,middlingthegains.She’s…she’sstillhere,Walk.Shedoesherjobsandshedoesn’tcomplain.SomedaysIlosehertotheland,shecrossesthebarleyandshe’sjustgone.Ipanicked,atfirstIrandownthelines,crossedthedirtanddrovethetruckaround.Ifoundheronherknees,there’saspotbythewheat,awayfromthewaterandhidden.It’shollowedout,aspaceImadeforabarnbutneverneeded.AndshewasthereonherkneesandIcouldn’tseeherfacebutIthinkshewaspraying.
Shemadesurenottogobacktothatplace.She’dalreadyscopedoutanewone,aclearinginforestsothicksheknewHalwouldnotfindheragain.
Shelookedbackatthenightwhenhermotherdied,andshethoughtmaybeshehadbeeninshockeachdaysince.Butthegriefcamenow,slowly,eachhour,littlebylittle,catchingheroutwhensheneededtobestrong.
Somedaysshescreamed.
Whenshewasdeep,halfhourfromthefarmhouse,fromherbrotherandhisruddycheeksashehelpeddigthesoil,she’dtiltherheadbackandscreamtotheclouds.Thekindofscreamthatsawthegraystraighten,headupinherfield,longnecksograceful.Whenshewasdoneshe’draiseahandtothehorse,tellhergoon,eatthegrass.
Atnight,inthedark,theytalked.
“Thosecops,”Robinsaid.
“Yeah.”
“TheythoughtIwaslyingtothem.”
“That’sjustthewaycopslook.”
“Walkdoesn’tlooklikethat.”
Shedidn’targue.Butwhateverhewas,theguythatcameandfilledtheirrefrigeratoranddrovethemtothemovietheater,hewasstillacop.
“Howdiditgotoday?”shesaid,sameeachweek.
“She’snice.SheletmecallherClara.She’sgotfourcatsandtwodogs,imaginethat.”
“Hasn’tfoundtherightman.Didyoutalkaboutthatnight?”
“Icouldn’t.It’sjust…Itry,butthere’snothingthereatall.Ijustrememberyoureadingtome,thensleep,thenIthinkmaybeIwokeinWalk’scar.”
Sheleaneduponherelbowasherolledtotheflatofhisback.“Ifyoueverdorememberhearingsomethingyoushouldtellmefirst.I’lldecidewhatwedoaboutit.Youcan’ttrustthesecopsnow.OrHal.We’veonlygoteachother.”
Eachafternoonshefiredthegun.Haltookhertothespotwiththewidetree,Robinleadingthemnow,unafraid.Shestillspokeonlywhenshehadto,andwhenshedidsheaimedforthegut,somethingaboutGodorabandonment,butHaltookitdifferentnow,thebarbsdidnotgrip,thehookslippingharmlesslyfromhisskin.Shelethimknowshedidnotlovehimandneverwould,wouldnevercallhimanythingbuthissanitarygivenname,andwouldthinknothingabouttakingRobinandleavinghimtodiealonethesecondshewasoldenough.
Hisresponsewastoteachhertodrive.
Theoldtruckbumpingalongwildly,theflattestacressawherspeedclimbandHal’shandstightenontheseat.BehindthemRobinsatinhisbooster,watchingthem,wearinghisbicyclehelmetandelbowpadsbecauseHalworriedshe’drollit.Shegotthehangofstick,notgrindingoutthegearssomuch,feelingthebitelikehetoldher.Somedaysshegottosixtybeforehescoldedher,whenhiseyeswereontheskyliketherewastoomuchofthedaynow,waitingonfirstrain.AweekinandshecouldbringthetrucktoastopwithoutHalslamminghardintothedash,cursingforforgettingtobelthimselfin.
After,they’dwalkbacktowardthehouse,DuchessholdingRobin’slefthand,Hal,hisright.Halwouldtellhershedidgoodandshewouldtellhimhewasalousyteacher.Hewouldsayshehandledtherunssmoothlyandshewouldsayhistruckwasapieceofshit.Hewouldpromisetotakeheroutthenextdayandshewouldsaynothingtothat,because,well,shelikedtodrive.
Somemorningsshe’dcatchtheoldmanwatchingRobineatorwatchinghimwiththechickensorclimbingontheharrow,andhe’dgetthislookinhiseyesthatwaspartloveandpartregret.Andthosetimesshe’dfighttohatehim,afightshe’dwonwitheasewhenthey’darrived,butnowafightshewashavingtoputmoreandmoreinto.
Shestillkeptherclothesinacase,foldedneat.Sometimeshe’ddothelaundryandshe’dyellathimtoleavetheirshitalone.She’dfindtheirclotheshungintheclosetandshe’dtakethemdownandreturnthemtothecase.He’dbuythewrongkindoftoothpasteforRobinandshe’dyellathim,thewrongkindofshampoo,thewrongbrandofbreakfastcereal.She’dyellsomuchherthroatwouldhurt.ThroughitRobinwouldwatch.Sometimeshe’daskforquietandshe’dgiveit,she’dwalktheacresandcurseatthedroppingsunlikeafuckingmadgirl.
ShegavelessthoughttoVincentKing,toDickieDarke,theywereturnedpagesinthedarkestchaptersofherlife.Sheknewtheywouldappearagain,thetwists,thestinginhertale.
Mostofallshefelttired.Notfromtheworkorthesleep,justfromthewretchedhatredthatlivedsodeepinsideher.
17
“INEEDTOCARRYAGUNtoschool.”
“No.”Halwasanxiousthatfirstmorning.
Robinwasanxioustoo,hehadquestionsabouttheschool,aboutwherehe’dmeetherandwhatwouldhappenifshedidn’tshow.TherewasnobusthatranoutasfarastheirlandsoHalsaidhewoulddrivethemandcollectthem.Hegrousedaboutiteatingintohisday,tillDuchesstoldhimthey’dhitcharidewitharapisttruckerinstead,ormaybeshe’dsellherbodytoraisecashforataxi.
“Willtheotherkidslikeme?”
“You’reaprince.”
“Ofcourse,”Halsaid.“Andiftheydon’tthenthey’lldealwithyoursister.”
“Andyetyoustillwon’tletmepack.”Shefinishedhercereal,thencheckedRobin’sschoolbag,madesurehehadhispencilcaseandhiswaterbottle.
Halletherdrivethetrack,justtothepointwherethegumtreesfoldedoverthesky.SheleftitidlingassheclimbedfromherseatandHalclimbedfromhis.Theycrossedatthetrunk,HalnoddingonceandDuchessnoddingareturn.
“Youwatchoutforeachother,”hesaid,eyesontheroad.
“Incasethebigkidstakeourlunchmoney?”Robinsaid,perkingupandwide-eyed.
“Theycantry.I’mtheoutlawDuchessDayRadleyandI’llputabulletbetweentheireyes.”
“Youneedtolearntoridethegrayifyouwanttobeanoutlaw,”Halsaid.
“Youknownothing.Icanride,it’sinmyblood.”
“IdidsomereadingonBillyBlueRadleyonce.”
Duchesslookedover,thescowlreplacedbyinterest.
“IfyouwantIcouldtellyouabouthimsometime.”
“Okay.”Itwasnotatruceoroffering.
Robintensedwhentheymovedintotheturn,thebusandtheparents,noiseandSUVs.ShesawaFordwithmuddiedwheelsandaMercedestooshiny.ShethoughtofDarke,hisEscalade,hisfadingpromise.
“Youwantmetowalkyouin?”Haldrewthetruckuptothecurb.
“No.Peoplemightthinkyou’reourfather.Thebullyingwouldbemerciless.”
ShetookRobin’sbagandhishandandtheyemptiedintothestreet.
“I’llbehereatthree,”Halsaidfromthewindow.
“Wedon’tgetouttillthreefifteen,”Robinsaid.
“I’llstillbehere.”
Theymovedbetweengroupsofkids,tanfromthesummerandcatchingupwithloud,exaggeratedstories.Shecaughtpiecesthatmadeasimilarwhole,vacationsandbeachesandthemeparks.Theydrewlooksandshegavethemback.
SheledRobintohisclassroomandtookhiminside,aclusterofmotherskneltandkissedandfussedovertheirchildren.Alittleboywascrying.
“He’llbethewuss,don’thangaroundwithhim,”Duchesssaid.
Theteacherwasyoung,smilingasshemaderounds,kneelingandshakingsmallhands.DuchessledRobintothepegsandfoundhisnameandhisanimalpictureabove.
“Whatanimalisit?”
Duchesssquinted.“Rat.”
“That’samouse,”theteachersaid,appearingbeside.
Duchessshrugged.“Verminisvermin.”
Theteacherkneltbythem,tookRobin’shandandshookitlightly.“I’mMissChild,andyoumustbeRobin.I’vebeensolookingforwardtomeetingyou.”
Duchessnudgedhim.
“Thankyoukindly,”hesaid.
“AndyoumustbeDuchess.”
“IamtheoutlawDuchessDayRadley.”Duchesspumpedtheteacher’shandsohardsheleftitwhite.
“Well,Ihopeyouhavealovelyday,MissDuchess,”MissChildsaid,affectingasweetdrawl.“YourbrotherandIaregoingtohavelotsoffuntoday,right,Robin?”
“Yes.”
MissChildleftthemandwentbacktothecryingboy.
Duchessbenttoherbrotherandmethiseye,cuppedhisfacetillhestayedlockedontoher.“Anyshitatall,youcomefindme.Youjustgointothehallandyouscreammyname.I’llbeclose.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah,”hesaid,alittlefirmer.“Okay.”
Shestood.
“Duchess.”
Sheturnedtohim.
“IwishMomwashere.”
Outsideinthehalls,thinningwithstragglers,boyscarriedafootball,red-facedandsweaty.Shefoundherclassroomandtookaseatbythewindow,farenoughbacktokeepfrombeingcalledup.
“You’reinmyseat.”
Hewastall,oddangles,hisshirtcomingupsmallandhisshortshigh.
“Youborrowyoursister’sshorts?Keepwalking,motherfucker.”
Heblushed,turnedandwenttoaseatontheothersideoftheroom.
Besideherwasablackboy,sothinsheguessedhecarriedwormsorsomeotherparasite.Hehadahandtwistedintosomethingthatnolongerlookedlikeahand.Hecaughthernoticingandstuffeditintohispocket.
Hesmiled.
Shelookedaway.
“I’mThomasNoble,yourememberme?”
Theteachercamein.
“What’syourname?”
“Quietnow,I’mheretolearn.”
“That’safunnyname.”
Shesilentlywilledhimtoburstintoflames.
“Isawyouthattimeintown.You’retheangelwiththegoldenhair.”
“Ifyouknewanythingatall,you’dknowI’maboutasfarfromanangelasyoucanget.Nowshutthefuckupandfaceforward.”
***
Walksatintheparkinglot,windowopentothesmellofMexicanfood.
Itwaslate,floodsandmoonlightreplacedthesunastheskypurpledovertheBitterwatersprawl.
He’dbeentoseeVincentagain,threehoursintheairlesswaitingroomwithnothingbutCNNandabustedfanforcompany.Andthenhe’dsatwithhimforfourteenminutes.Andforeachofthosehe’dbeggedandpleadedwiththemantoretaincounsel,acriminallawyerwhocouldatleaststandachanceoffindingthetruth.VincenthadsaiditwasMarthaMayornoone.AndthoughWalksaidit,thatshewantednopartofeitherofthem,orCapeHavenandthememoriesitstirred,Vincenthadsaidnothingmore.Andthenhe’dcalledtheguard,andWalkhadwatchedhimleave.
ThelightstillburnedinMartha’soffice,despitethelatehour,despitehersecretaryleavingacouplehoursago.Walkhadtriedtogetoutofthecar,feltdizzyenoughtositbackandclosehiseyesforawhile.He’dtriedtocallKendrick,leftamessagethencheckedtheleafletthatcamewithhismedication.Theside-effectswerelongenoughtofillouttwopages.
Whenhesawheremergefromtheofficeheclimbedoutandwalkedslowlyacrossthelot.Itwasemptying,lastcarsleaving,acoupleofoldbeat-upsedansoutsidetheMexicanandthenMartha’scar,agrayPriuswithaWWFbumpersticker.Walkrememberedshelikedanimals.Onherfifteenthbirthdaythey’dcutschoolwithVincentandStarandgonetothepettingzooatClearwaterCove.Itwasfulloflittlekids,butMarthahadsmiledthewholeday.
“Martha,”hecalled.
Shesawhim,tossedhercaseintothetrunkandthenstoodandwaitedashewalkedover,handonherhip,likeshewasmorethanready.
“Idon’tseeyouinyearsandnowit’stwiceinamonth.”
“Iwanttobuyyoudinner.”Hesaiditwithaconfidencethatsurprisedhim,andmaybeher,because,slowly,shesmiled.
Yellowwallsandgreenarches,smalltableswithcheckeredcloths.Afanspunslow,movingthesmellofchiliaroundthetiredbarbehind.Theytookatableinthecorner,bythewindowwithaviewoftheparkinglot.Marthaorderedforthem,tacosandbeer.Shehadn’tlosthergirl-next-doorsmile,andwhensheaimedit,thewaiterhurried.
Walksippedthecoldbeerandfelthismusclesunwind,thattightnessacrosshisshoulderseasealittleashesankintothechair.Musicplayedquietly,somethingsoftandLatino.
Theydrankinsilence,Marthadrainingherbeerthensignalingforanother.“I’lltakeacabhome.”
“Ididn’tsayanything.”
“Jeez,I’mdrinkingwithacop.”
Helaughed.Thewaiterbroughtoverthefoodandtheyate.Itwasgood,betterthanWalkhadhopedforbutstill,hepushedhisfoodaround,barelyeating.
Marthadumpedhalfabottleofhotsauceonherfood.“Zingme,baby.Youwantinonthis,Chief?”
“Notunlessyouwanttocontinuethisconversationintherestroom.”
“Hmm,haveyouseentherestroom?”
“I’msureIwilllater.”
“Ilikethebeard.”
Herolledhiseyes.
“I’msorry,”shesaid.“Theothernight,ithadbeenalongday.AndIwasn’texpectingyou.”
“Ishouldbeapologizingtoyou.”
“Youtotallyshould.”
Helaughed.
“So,youwanttogetitoverwithnoworyouwanttowaittillI’vehadanotherbeer?”
“I’llwait.”
Thistimeshelaughed,anditwasthesweetestsoundWalkhadheardinawhile.
Hetookabreathandtoldher.Everything,fromVincent’sreleasetoStar,toDickieDarkeandDuchessandRobin.Hetoldheraboutthestatecopsandhowtheycuthimout.Andhetoldherdetailsofthecasethathadn’tbeenreleased.Brokenribs,swolleneye,nomurderweapon,Vincentunwillingtospeak.Shewipedtearsfromhereyes,reachedacrossandtookWalk’shandwhenhetoldheraboutthefuneral.
“Shit,”shesaid,whenhewasdone.
“Whatamess.Star,thewayherlifeturnedout.BackthenIthoughtwe’dbefriendsforever.”
“Idon’tblameyoufornotlookingback.”
“Isthatwhatyouthink?”
“I’msorry.Ididn’tmean—”
“Ilookedbackplenty.Ijustcouldn’tgoback.”
“Right.”
“AndVincentstillsaysheonlywantsme?”
“Hetrustsyou.TheonlyotherlawyerthatworkedforhimwasFelixCoke.Andlookhowthatturnedout.”
“YouknowthekindofcasesIhandle,Walk?Batteredwives.Adoption.Alittledivorcework.IdowhateverIcantopaythebillseachmonth,andafterthatIpickandchoosewhoneedsmethemost.Ihavealineofwomenwhosesolepurposeinlifeistogettheirchildrenback.”
“Vincentneedsyou.”
“Vincentneedsacriminalattorney.”
Hemovedtopickuphisbeer,felttheshakeinhishandsandsetitdownagain.
“Everythingalright,Walk?”
“Tired.Ihaven’tbeensleepingmuch.”
“It’salottotake.”
“Pleasedothis,Martha.Iknowhowitlooks.Icanseeit,meshowingupandaskingforafavor.Believemeithurts.”
“Ibelieveyou.”
“Ican’tgiveuponhim.Justcometothearraignment,standbyhimwhiletheycharge.Andthenwecansortsomethingout,we’llmakehimseesense.Ijust…Iknowhedidn’tdoit.AndIknowhowthatsounds,likethewordsofadesperateman,butthatdoesn’tmakemewrong.Ineedtofigurethingsout.Ineedtimetolookintoeverything.
“I’vethoughtaboutyouovertheyears.Everyday,Ithinkaboutyouandusandeverythingthatwentonbackthen.IknowIcan’tfixthings,orrollbacktheclock,butIcanhelpVincentnow.ButIcan’tdoitwithoutyou.”Heslumpedback,exhausted,spent.
“Thearraignment.Whenisit?”
“Tomorrow.”
“Jesus,Walk.”
18
THECOURTROOMINLASLOMASwasbusierthanusual.
ATuesdayinSeptember,theairconditioningbust,JudgeRhodesfannedhimselfwithafileandloosenedhiscollar.
Walksatnearthefront,justashedidthirtyyearsbefore.
“There’snohopeofbail,notforacapitalcase,”Marthasaid.She’dmethimoutsideearly,andthey’dcrossedthestreetandgrabbedacoffee.Shewassmart,suitandheels,lightmakeup,enoughtomakeWalkfeeldumbforeverthinkinghemight’vehadashotatkeepingher.
Helookedaround,lawyersandtheirclients,navysuitsagainstorangesuits,pleasanddealsanddeficientpromises.JudgeRhodesfoughtayawn.
Thecourtroomhushedwhenhewasledin.ThepeopleseekingDeath,acasewithprofile.
JudgeRhodessatupalittlestraighter,rebuttonedhiscollar.Reportersattheback,nocameras,justpensandpads.MarthaleftWalkandwentuptothebench,whereVincentsettledbesideher.
TheD.A.EliseDeschamps,straight,stern,tooktothefrontandranthroughthecharges.Walktriedtoreadhisfriend,butfromwherehesathecouldnotclearlyseehisface.
WhenElisewasdone,Vincentstood.Walkfeltthelean,edgeofseats,eyeslockedonthemanthatkilledachild,thencamebackthirtyyearslaterforhersister.
Vincentstatedhisname.
JudgeRhodesdetailedthechargesagain,thenaddedthestatewouldsettleforlifewithnoparoleinexchangeforaguiltyplea.
Walkbreathedagain.Thedealhadbeenoffered.
WhenJudgeRhodesaskedforhisplea,VincentturnedandmetWalk’seye.
“Notguilty.”
Nowthereweremurmurs,talktillRhodesquietenedthem.
Marthalookedatthejudge,somethingdesperateinhereyesledtoacalltoapproach.“Mr.King.Yourlawyerisworriedyoudon’tunderstandthechargeandtheoffer,”Rhodessaid.
“Iunderstand.”
Vincentdidnotlookbackastheguardledhimfromtheroom.
Walksteppedoutandintothemorningsun.LasLomas,theprettysquarewiththetoweringstatue,akneelingwoman,herheadbowedbythehallowedcourt.
Thetrialwassetforthefollowingspring.
Thedriveback,Walk’sbodybreakingtocoldsweats,thequakingsobadittiredouthismind.Hecaughthiseyesintherearviewmirrorbutcouldnotrubthebloodfromthem.Thebeardwaslong,he’dmadeanewnotchonhisbelt.Hisuniformwasbignow,theshouldersfelloverontothetopsofhisbiceps.
HepulledintoaliquorstorebyBitterwaterandboughtasix-pack.
MarthalivedinasmallhouseonBillingtonRoad,farenoughoutoftown.Awhitegateledtoapathborderedbyneatlinesofflowers,thegrassbesidegreenandlush.Basketshungfromornatehooks,thekindofhousethatwould’vemadehimsmileonanotherday.
Insidewasclutteredwithpapers,everyinchofthehousespokeofwork,ofdefendingthoselessable.
HefoundhiswayontotheprivacyoftheporchandwastwobeersdownbythetimeMarthacameoutwithabowlofcornchips.Heateoneandshelaughedastheflavorsearedoffhistastebuds.
“You’reananimal.”
“Somelikeithot.”
Theysatclose,sidebysideastheydrank.
ItwasnotuntilthedayfellawaythatWalkcalmed.Twobeers,that’sallhe’dallowedhimself.Hewantedtogetdrunk,toscreamandcurseandshakesenseintoVincentKing.
Marthasippedwine.“Youhavetogethimtoplea.”
Walkrubbedthetensionfromhisneck,alwaystherenow.
“Vincent’scaseisnotwinnable,youdoknowthat,”shesaid.
“Iknowthat.”
“Whichmeansonlyonething.”
Walklookedup.
“VincentKingwantstodie.”
“SowhatdoIdo?”
“Yousithereanddrinkwithmewhilewelamentthesorrieststateofaffairs.”
“Tempting.Or?”
“Youworkthecase.”
“Iam.”
Marthasighed.“Knockingdoorsandprayingsomeonesawsomethingisn’tworkingacase.Youhavetogetoutthereandfindyourangle.Andifitcan’tbefoundyoumakeityourself.Balls,Chief.It’sallaboutballsnow.”
Windblewacrossthehighwayandsmokeddustfromtheground.Earlyevening,onlyacoupleofpickupsbutWalkheardmusicbeforehereachedthedoor.Hestoppedforamoment,lookedatthewidestripofSanLuisandthoughtofStarthere,draggingthekidsbehindher.
Insidewasdulllight,thestrongsmelloftobaccoandstalebeer.Theboothswereempty,justacoupleofguysatthebarandasmallclusteraroundastagebuiltfrompaintedwoodencrates.Thesingerwasold,bluegrass,alongwayfromhomebutthementappedtheirthighsastheydrank.
HehadadescriptionoftheguyfromDuchess,givenoverwhenhe’dsatherdownandthey’dslowlygonethroughthekindofmonthsandyearsthatsawhisheadheavybythetimetheyweredone.Thegirlhadspokenwithanevennessthatwrenchedhissoul,likesheknewnothingofchildhoodatall.
Hefoundhimstraightoff,croppedhairandthickbeard,strongarmsthathintedatfieldwork.BudMorris.WalksidledupasBudrolledhiseyesliketroublewiththelawwasaconsequenceofhisway.
“CouldIspeakwithyou?”
Budlookedhimupanddown,thenlaughed.
Walkdrankclubsoda.Hewasnotamanwhoenjoyedconfrontation,despitethetraining,thebadgeandwhatitmeant.Wordsrangloudinhisears.Leaveittostate.Hegrippedhisglasshard.Martha’swordsranglouder.
Budwenttotherestroom.Walkstoodandfollowedhimin,tookadeepbreathanddrewhisgunasthemanwaspissing.
HepressedittothebackofBud’shead.
Adrenalinecoursed,hishandsshook,hiskneesshook.
“Fuck.”Budpissedonhisjeans.
Walkpressedharder.Sweatrandownhisnose.
“Jesus,alright.Whatthehelliswrongwithyou?”
Walkloweredthegun.“NowIcouldhavedonethatatthebar,infrontofyourfriends,madeyoupissyourpantsforanaudience.”
Budglared,thendroppedhiseyes,defeatcomingathimfast.Outsidetheyheardhollersastheoldguymovedonto“ManofConstantSorrow.”
“StarRadley,”Walksaid.
Budlookedconfused,thenithithimandhesoberedrightup.
“Iheardyougotintoitwithher,andherdaughter.Shewasplaying,youcouldn’tkeepyourhandstoyourself.”
Budshookhishead.“Nothinginthat.”
Walkfeltwired.Hewonderedabouthissanity,pullingagunonamaninarestroom.Lookingforhisangle.
“Itookheroutacoupletimes.”
“And?”
“Itdidn’tworkout,thatwasall.”
Walkreachedforthegunagain,tillBudsteppedback.“Iswearit.Nothinghappened.”
“Yougotroughwithher?”
“No.Never.Nothinglikethat.Itreatedhernice.Shit,IeventookhertothatplaceonBleaker.Twenty-dollarsteak.Ibookedamotel…aniceone.”
“Shesaidno.”
Budlookedathisfeet,hispissyjeans,thegun.“Notjustno.I’mnotamanthatcan’ttakeno.Shit,there’swomen,askaround.Idoalright.ButStar,shegavetheillusionofit.Beingintome.Butitwasn’tjustno,notnow.Itwasnever.That’swhatshesaid.Never.Whatthefuckisthat?Never.Itwaslikeshewastryinghardtobesomeoneshewasn’t.Anact,maybe.Allofitanact.”
“Anact?”
“Ireckonshedidthesamewithothermen.Theneighbor.Ipickedheruponetimeandhecameover,toldmenottowastemytime.”
“Whichneighbor?”
“Rightnextdoor.Seventies-lookingdude.”
“WherewereyouJune14th?”
Budsmiledwhenitcametohim.“Iknowwhenitwas.WehadElvisCudmoreplaying.Iwasrighthere,askanyone.”
Walklefthimthere,cutthroughthesmallcrowdandheadedoutintonightair,heartstillpounding.
Hecrossedthelot,squattedbyaDumpsterandpuked.
19
SHEATEHERLUNCHBENEATHanoaktree,eyesonherbrother.
Thefirstweekpassedquietly,shedidnotspeaktoanyone.ThomasNoblemadeovertures,shedismissedhimcurtly.
RobinwasinK2,theyhadtheirownareasectionedoffbyalowfence.Eachdayheplayedwiththesamegirlandboy.Theystoodatthemudkitchen,Robinandthegirlshort-ordercooks,theotherboyfetchinganddeliveringtoobliviousothers.
Shedidn’tnoticeshewasnotaloneuntilshadowcutthelight,shadefallingoverherasshelookedup.
“IthoughtImightenjoyyourtree.”ThomasNoblecarriedhislunch,abulgingsack,inhisgoodhand.
Shesighed.
Hesatandclearedhisthroat.“I’vebeenwatchingyou.”
“Well,that’snotcreepyatall.”Sheshuffledfurtherfromhim.
“Iwasthinking.Wouldyouliketo—”
“Never.”
“Myfathersaidmymotherturnedhimdownthefirsttime.Buthereyessaidyessohepersisted.”
“Spokenlikeatruerapist.”
Besideherhespreadoutalarge,thickclothnapkin.Thenhelaidoutabagofpotatochips,aTwinkie,Reese’sPeanutButterCups,abagofmarshmallowsandacanofsoda.“It’sawondermorepeopledon’tknowaboutthisspot.”
“It’sawonderyouhaven’tcontracteddiabetes.”
Heatequietly,eachbitemutedashepushedthickframesuphisnose.Hekepthisbadhandholsteredinhispocket.Watchinghimopenthemarshmallowswithhisteethwaspainful.
“Youcanusetheweakhand,”shesaid,finally.“Don’thideitonmyaccount.”
“Symbrachydactyly.It’swhen—”
“Idonotcare.”
Heateamarshmallow.
Robinranuptothefenceandshowedherapurpleplatewithaclumpofdirtonit.Hemouthed“hotdog”andshesmiled.
“He’sacutie,”ThomasNoblesaid.
“Yousomekindofpervert?”
“No…ofcoursenot,Ijust…”Heleftitthere.
Behindwaswoodland,outofbounds,longtimbersstackedtomakefencing,bleachedbacktobone.
“Iheardyou’refromtheGoldenState.Beautifulthistimeofyear.IthinkIhaveacousininSequoia.”
“Thenationalpark.”
Hewentbacktoeating.
“Say,doyoulikemovies?”
“No.”
“Howabouticeskating?I’mactuallyquitegoodat—”
“No.”
Heshruggedoffhisjacket.“Ilikeyourbow.There’saphotoofmewithabowinmyhairwhenIwasababy.”
“Doyouhaveaninnermonologue?”
“MymotherlikedtopretendIwasthedaughtershealwayswanted.”
“Butthenallthattestosteronekickedinandshatonherdreams.”
Heofferedherapeanutbuttercup.
Shepretendednottonotice.
Theywatchedagroupofboyspass.Oneofthemsaidsomethingandtheylaughed.ThomasNobleshovedhishandevendeeperintohispocket.
ShestraightenedalittlewhenshesawaboysnatchtheplatefromRobin.Robinwenttograbitbackbuttheotherboy,taller,helditfromhisreach,thenthrewittotheground.AsRobinbenttopickituphewaspushedover.
Duchess,uponherfeetandmoving,eyeslockedtightonthekidasRobinbegantocry.Shewatchedothergirlslaughing,talkinginclustersandtwirlingtheirhair,adifferentspeciesaltogether.Shehoppedthefence.Therewasnoteacher,nolunchladywatchingout.ShehelpedRobinup,dustedhisshortsdownandpalmedhistears.
“Alright?”
“Iwanttogohome.”Hesniffed.
Shepulledhimcloseandheldhimtillhecalmed.“I’llgetushome.Ipromiseit.I’vegotitfigured,whenI’mdonehereI’llgetajobandaplaceandwecangohome,right?”
“ImeanhometoGrandpa.”
Hisfriendsstoodbeside,thegirlandtheboy.Thegirlcameover,plaitedhair,dungareeswithafloweronthepocket.ShepattedRobin’sback.
“Don’tworryaboutTyler,he’sjustmeantoeveryone,”shesaid.
“Yeah,”theboyagreed.
“Youwanttogofixmorehotdogsforthediner?”
Duchesssmiledandhelefther.Shewatchedhimgoplay,nothingmoretodoaboveit,allforgotten.
SheturnedandfoundTylerbythefence,goingatitwithastick.
“Kid.”
Heturnedandsheknewthelook.“What?”
Shekneltinthedirt,roughonherknees,thesunbehind.
Shegrabbedhisshirtandpulledhimclose.
“YoutouchmybrotheragainandI’llbeheadyou,expletive,”PrincipalDukesaid,fingerssteepledoverhisstomach,hisfacetightwithconcern.
Duchessstraightened.“Ineversaid‘expletive.’”
Halsmiled.“Well,that’ssomething.Whatdidyousay?”
“Motherfucker.”
PrincipalDukeflinchedlikethewordcuthimdeep.“Nowthisdoesgiveusaproblem.”
Duchesscouldsmellthecoffeeonhisbreath,thecolognesplashedontohispolyestertiejustaboutmaskingthebodyodourbeneath.
“Idon’tseewhy.”Hal,handsred,skincracked.Hesmelledoftheacres,outsideandforest.Radleyland.
“It’sthenatureofthethreat.Imean,beheadinglikethat.”
“Thegirl’sanoutlaw.”
Duchessalmostsmiled.
“Idon’tthinkyou’retakingthisasseriouslyasyoushould.”
Halstood.“I’lltakeheroutnow,therestofthedayoutofschool.I’lltalktoher,itwon’thappenagain.Right?”
Shemight’vefoughtitthen,madetroublebecausethebedrockwaslaid.ShethoughtofRobin,alreadymakingacoupleoffriendshere.
“IfhetouchesRobinthenIcan’tpromise—”
Halclearedhisthroatloud.
“Iwon’tusethosewordsagain.”
PrincipalDukelookedlikehehadmoretosayasshestoodandfollowedHalfromtheoffice.
Theydroveoutinsilence.Duchessrodeupfront.InsteadofmakingaleftHalheadedeast,theroadopeningupbeneathaskythatflashedsilverasthesunhid.Adairyfarm,steelbarnsthecolorofmint,thenatownnothingmorethanMainandthesmallstreetsthatfedit.Downbackwaterroadsbeforetheymetpineslikeskyscrapers.Ariverbesidethemshonelikemicaasitfedthegorge,themountainthatloomedfrostedwhiteatthepeaks,lazytrackswindingtheirwayup.Theyclimbed,Duchesscraningtoseebackastheyclearedthetreesandthewaterwaysnakeditsownpath.Theyslowedforanothertruck,passingopposite,acowboywhodippedhishat.
Theyparkedbyabluff,rocksandanddust,thepinespickingupagain,growingoutandwideonthesideofthemountain.
Halgotoutandshefollowed.
Hethreadedthetreesandshekeptpace,thefaintestofgapsbutHalnavigatedlikeheknewthetrailandwhereeachofitsbrancheswouldcarry.
Montanaunfoldedinfront,athousandmilesofnaturalshades,waterandland.Shecaughtpinescent,watchedmeninwadersfishingtheclearestwateramileup.BesideherHallitacigar.
“Troutstreams.”Hepointedtowardbreaks,thefishermenlikedotsonamightycanvas.“There’sacanyonfiftymilesin,sodeeppeoplesayitdoesn’tbottomouttillredrock.Takeanytrail,thebackcountry,youwon’tseeanotherpersonagain.Amillionacresfree.”
“Isthatwhyyouranhere?Hidefromtheworld?”Shekickedarockandwatcheditfall.
“Youwanttocallatruce?”
“Notevenalittle.”
Hesmiledatthat.
“Yourbrothertellsmeyouliketosing.”
“There’snothingIlike.”
Ashfelltothedirt.
“Thenativescalledthisthebackboneoftheworld.There’swaterashadeoftealyou’veneverseen.It’ssocold…theglacialmeltandsilt,nothingcangrowbeneath.Itjuststaysclearforalltime,noclouding,nothinghiding.There’ssomethingspecialaboutthat,don’tyouthink?”
Shestayedsilent.
“Andthatreflection,sotrueit’sliketheworldisnothingbutsky,flippedonitshead.I’lltakeRobinoutwhenhe’salittleolder,ontheJammer,maybeaboattripifhewantstofish.I’dlikeyoutocomealongtoo.”
“Don’tdothat.”
“What?”
“Talkabouttomorrowlikeit’sreal,likeyou’llbehereandwe’llbehere.”Shedidnotwanttoscreamagain,toshakeupthestill.
Onthesidewereflatleaves,berriesthedarkestpurple.
Hepickedoneandateit.
“Huckleberries.”Heheldoneout.Shedidnottakeit,insteadpullingherownfree.Itwasgood,sweeterthanshethought.Sheateahandful,thenfilledherpocketsforRobin.
“Bearslikethemtoo.”Halbenttopickthemandshesawhecarriedthegun,thesameoneshe’dshotwith.
Shetookabreath.“Youdidn’tcomeback.”
Hestoppedthen,straightenedupandturnedtoher.
“Youdidn’tcomeback.Youknewmymother.Youknewwhatshewaslikeandwhatlifemight’vebeenlikeforus.Youknewshecouldbarelylookoutforherself.You’rebiggerthanme.You’retallandtoughandweneeded—”
Shebrokeoff,fiddledwithherbow,kepthervoiceevenbecauseshewouldnotshowhimhowdeepthepainran.
“Sowhenyoupointitout,allthisbeauty,allthisthatyouseeandyouthinkIseetoo.YoushouldknowitpalesbesidewhatIsawbefore.Thispurple—”Shewavedahandatthehuckleberriesbeside.“Thismakesmethinkofherribs,beatdarklikethat.Thebluewater,that’shereyes,clearenoughtoseethere’snosoulbehindthemanymore.Youbreathetheairandyouthinkit’sfresh,butIcan’teventakeabreathwithoutfeelingthatstab.”Shebeatherchesthard.“Iamalone.Iwilllookaftermybrotherandyouwillleaveusbecauseyoudon’treallycare.Andyoucansaywhatyoulike,whatyouthinkwillmakemefeelbetter.Butfuckyou,Hal.FuckMontana,andtheacresandtheanimalsandthe…”Hervoiceshooksoshestoppeditthere.
Themomentstretchedbetweenthemandoutoverthepines.Itswepttheskyandtheclouds,buriedthepromiseofnewsototally.Itreducedthemtothenothingtheywere,sosmallagainstabackdropendlessinitsbeauty.Heheldhiscigarbutdidnotsmoke,heldtheberriesbutdidnoteatthem.ShehopedtoGodshehadshatteredallthecertaintyhesawforthem.
Sheturnedandclosedhereyestighttothetears,forcingthemback.Shewouldnotcry.
20
WALKFELTTHEGRACESLIPfromCapeHavenasthesummerfinallybegantodim.
ItbeganthemorningafterStar,whenreportersblockedIvyRanchRoadandpolicetapestreakedalienacrosstheRadleyhome.Hefeltitthen,thestreetsadegreecooler,thevistaashadeoffbright.Mothersusheringtheirkids,shuttingbiggatesandsmotheringwarmthfromwithin.Heshouldereditasbesthecould,offersrescinded,thecopthatwasfriendswiththekiller.HespentlazysummereveningswalkingeverystreetintheCape,fromthepillaredmansionsonCalenPlacetothesmallclapboardhomesonthehighestroads.Heknockeddoors,hatinhand,beardtherebuttrimmedalittleneater,andheofferedatightsmileasthedesperationseepedfromhim.Heasked,implored,leanedandprobedandledmemoriesplacestheyneverhadbeen.Noonesawanythingthatnight.Nocarsortrucksoranythingoutofthepristinenormalityoftheirsummer.
HewatchedsecuritytapesfromeverystoreonMain.Thequalitywasshittysohecouldnotskipforward.Insteadheviewedinrealtime,tenhours,sundowntoup,hiseyesproppedopenonlybythetormentthatfellwhenheclosedthem.
HelookedatDarke,tentative,nointerviewcouldbecalledwithoutraisingtheinterestofDarke’slawyer,and,inturn,Boydandthestatecops.Hemadeacoupleofcalls,spokewithaSutlercopandranFasTraktolls,hopingtocatchaneasylie.Hegotnothing.
MarthahadstillnotagreedtoformallyrepresentVincent,thoughWalkpickedupthephonemosteveningsandfilledherinonwhathe’dgot,whichwasmostlynothing.OneSundaymorninghedrovehertoFairmont,andthetwosatwithVincentandreminiscedaboutoldtimes.WhentalkturnedtomountingadefenseVincentsignaledtheguard.
Thetwodrovethehundredmilesbackinheavysilence.Sheinvitedhiminandagaintheysatonherporchandsippedbeer.Shecooked,somekindofstewsospicyhischeeksburnedwhileshelaughedandhestuckhistongueintohisbeer.
Theytalkedalittleaboutthepastyears,howshe’dsetupwhereshewasneededmost.Bitterwaterhadalowmedianincomeandahighcrimerate.Shespokeofherworkwiththekindofpridethatmadehimsmile.Sheshowedphotosoffamiliesshehadbroughtbacktogether,andlettersfromkidsshehadsavedfromabusiveparents.
Itwasleftunsaid,theexacttimefromtheirpastwhenthey’dbeentornfromeachother.Theyskirtedreligion,hedidnotknowherfeelingsanymore,afterwhathadtranspiredbetweenthem,herparents,theirfaith.Thatwasalright,theyhadajobtodoandWalkdidn’teverletthatslipfromhismind.Notwhenheleanedintokisshercheek,orwhenshebrushedhislegwithhers.Sometimesshenoticedthewayhishandstremored,orthewayheshookhisheadlightlywhentryingtorecallsomething,andthenshewatchedhimlikesheknew.AndwhenshedidthathetoldhergoodnightanddrovebacktotheCape,hisplace,histown.
AtduskhestrolledtoIvyRanchRoad,thefundamentalsofhisjobverymuchinthewayofthebiggerpicture.
Brandonmethimatthedoor,notop,justsweatpants.Behindwashisoldfootballjersey,framedonthewall.Besidethatapooltable,anarcademachine,thestaplesofabachelorfindinghisfeetafteradecadeofperceivedservitude.
“Isthisaboutthatfreakacrossthestreetagain?”BrandonlookedpastWalkandstaredatMilton’splace.“YouknowwhatIfoundinmyyard,Walk?Afuckinghead.”
“Ahead?”
“Afuckingsheeporsomething.Deer,whatever.Hollowedoutlikeawarning.”
“I’lltalktohim.Butyouknow,Brandon,Ihearthatcarfireupfrommyplace.”Walknoticedtheguywasstandingonhistoes,lookingforanextrainch.
“Tellyouwhat,”Brandonsaid.“ItisquieterwithoutStarrollinginlate.Imean,it’stragicandall,butmaybeMiltonwillsleepeasiernowhe’snotwaitingupforher.”
“How’sthat?”
Brandonleanedonthedoorframe.Tattooonhischest,somekindoftriteJapanesesymbol.“SometimesIgotinlateandIsawhimatthewindow.”
“Hewatchesthestars.”
Laughter.“Yeah,oneinparticular.Youaskhimaboutthat,Walk.”
“Hesaidyoupissedinhisyard.”
“Bullshit.”
“Whatever.Ireallydon’tgiveadamn.Ijustdon’twanteitherofyouonme.”
“Youlooktired,Walk.Areyouhydrating?”
“Listen,Brandon.I’llgooverandhavethesametalkwithMiltonbutdoyouthinkyoucouldjustcalmthingsdown?I’vegotaloton,andIcoulddowithouthavingtocomeoverandseeyouoversomebullshitdispute.”
“Youneedtoexercise,man.Stressrelief.Stopbyonenightandwe’lldropsomecircuits.RockHard.YouknowItriedtopatentthat,formyfitness—”
Walklefthimtalkingandheadedacrossthestreet.Heknockedonthedoor.
“Walk.”MiltonworeasmilesowideWalkalmostfeltbadforhim.
“CanIcomein?”
“Intomyplace?”
Walktriednottosigh.
“Yes.Imean,sure,yes.Please.”MiltonsteppedtothesideandWalkheadedintothehouse.
“Youwantsomethingtoeat?”
“No,thanks.”
“Youonadiet,Walk?Youlookthinner.Howaboutabeer?”
“Sure,Milton.”
Miltonsmiled,alittletooeager,thendisappearedintothekitchenwhileWalktookinthelivingroom.Theplacewasstacked,MiltonthekindofhoarderthatsawevenoldTVGuideskeptandpiled.HesteppedoveraclusterofcoastersbearingstatenamesheknewwellMiltonhadnevervisited.Heorderedthemin,fromallover,thekindofcrapthatportrayedafulllife,travelandfriends.Hehadaphotoframeonthetelevisionset,apictureofaBlacktail,deadeyes.
“GotthatoneinCottrell.Nice,right?”
“Sure,Milton.”
“Ididn’thavebeer,justthecoffeeliqueur.Icouldn’tfindadateonit,maybeit’sbeenthereawhile.Butliqueurdoesn’tgobad,right,Walk?”
Walktooktheglass,setitdown,clearedaspacetositandmotionedforMiltontojoinhim.
“Iwantedtotalktoyouaboutthatnight.”
Miltonshifted,madetocrosshislegsbutcouldn’tquitemanageit.Walksippedhiscoffeeliqueur,triednottobringitbackup.
“ThewayIhearityou’vebeentalkingtoeveryoneintownaboutthatnight.ButIalreadytoldtherealcopeverything.”
Walktooktheblow,certainMiltondidn’tmeanit.“Now,yousaidyouheardfighting.”
“That’sright.”
“YoualsosaidyousawVincentandDarkegettingintoitafewnightsbeforeStarwasmurdered.”
Heflinchedathername.Starusedtotellhowhe’dtakehertrashcansoutifsheforgot.Smallthings,sheneededthem.
“Why’dtheyfight?”
“IthinkmaybeVincentKingwasjealous.Irememberthem,Walk.Backatschool.Theywerelike,they’dgetmarriedorsomething,havekids.IthoughtmaybeVincenthadbeendwellingonthatinside,dreamingupafuturebasedonthepast.”
Aglancearoundtheroom,wood-paneledwall,shagbeneathhisfeet.Boulderrocksaroundthefire,suburbanranchthrowingbacktotheseventies.Airsweetlyfreshened,cansalloverbutstill,itwasthere,thebloodbeneath.
Miltonclearedhisthroat.“Youcan’tdowhatisn’tright.Youcan’tjustskipapieceofthepast,highlightthegood.Youknow?”
“Youcalledusbefore,lotoftimes,seemedlikeeverytimeStarhadamanstopby.EvenwhenitwasDarke,right?Saidyouwereworried.”
Miltonbithislowerlip.“It’spartoftheWatch.ButmaybeIwasmistakenthosetimes.Darke’sagoodman.It’sthewayhelooks,that’swhypeopletalk.Iknow.Iknowhowitfeels.Youdon’tthinkIhearthekids?Brillo.Wookiee.Furby.Meatpacker.Joke’sonthembecauseIdon’tevenpackthemeat.”
Theclockchimed,sunburst,tenminutesslow.Miltonturnedhishead,Walksawsweatpoolbeneathhisarms.
“Hey,Walk.YouwanttoheaduptheMendocinoagain?”
Walksmiled.“Ienjoyedit,butIthinkI’mmoreofafishermanthanahunter.GetmeoutonthewavesandI’mhappy.”
“Notme.Neverdidlearntoswim.Ihadthelessons,butIusedtoopenmymouthallthetime,tryandswallowitalldown.Ilikethechlorine.”
Walkdidn’tknowwhattodowiththat.
“Doesn’tmatter,Igototherfriendsintoit.”Miltonlookedlikehewasdesperatetoshare.
“Yeah?”Walktookthebait.
“Iwenthuntingwithhim.”
“Who?”
Miltongrinned.“Darke.HetookmeinhisEscalade.Youseenit?Itellyou,thatmancanshoot.Broughtbacktwoblacktail.”
“Thatright?”
“You’vegothimwrong,Walk.He’s…”
“Different?”
“Agoodfriend.”Hesaiditfirm,eyeslockedonWalk.“Hesaidhe’dcomehereforthenextshower.NottillFebruarybutstill.Ithinkhe’llactuallyshow.”
Thebarbwasthere,butWalkdidn’thavetheenergytofeelanyguilt.
“Iaskedhimtocomeawayinthespring.Aweek,thehunt.Iboughthimaveil,gaters,thewaxkind.”
Walklookedatthespillingshelvesbeside,somanybooks,mostonhunting.“Youdon’tknowhim.Youshouldbecareful,Milton.”
“Soshouldyou,Walk.Youlooksick.”
“IalsowantedtoletyouknowthatItalkedtoBrandonagain.Leahsaidyoucalledin.”
Miltonstiffenedatthat.“Well,itdidn’tdoanygood.HedoesitbecauseheknowsIhavetobeupearly.LastnightIwenttothewindowandhewasjustsittingthererevvingtheengine.Andwhenhesawmehesmiled.I’mnotakidnow,Walk.Thisisn’tlikeschool.Youknowheusedtobullyme.Flushedmyheaddownthetoilet.Idon’thavetoputupwithit.Ishould—”
“Leaveasheep’sheadinhisyard?”
Miltonstared,wildeyes,hairspillingfromthetopofhisshirt.“Idon’tknownothingaboutthat.”
“Yousaidheurinatedinyouryard.”
“Yes,sir.”
“How’dyouknowitwashim.”
“Caughtintheact.Iopenedthedrapesandcameeyetoeyewithit.”
“Jesus.”
“Ifiledareport.10-98.”
“Jailbreak.”
“Andyouknowhe’sgotaboat,fixeditupnice.HekeepsitatHarborBay.Ifiguredmaybehe’dsellthecarandspendhistimeonthewater.”
“Hesaidhe’swillingtotryifyouare.Hesaidyou’readecentneighborandhefeelsbadaboutit.”
“Hesaidthat?”
WalkknewMiltoncouldnotreadhimatall.“Soyou’llknockallthisshitonthehead.”
“Itwasneveronme,Walk.”
Walkstared,pleadinginhiseyes.
“MaybeonedayI’llsendhimoveracutorsomething.Nothingtoospecial,notatfirst.Chuck.Howdoesthatsound?”
“Thankyou,Milton.”
Miltonfollowedhimtothedoor.
OntheporchWalkstoppedandlookedover,acrossthestreet.
“Imissher,”Miltonsaid.“I’mrealsorryI…”
“What?”
“I’mjustsorryshe’snotthereanymore.”
“Weoweittoherandthechildrentoarrestthemanthatdidthis.”
“Youalreadydid,Walk.”
Miltonwouldnotmeethiseye,insteadlettinghiswandertothenightsky.Hestoodthere,handsdeepinhispockets,losttoWalkandthetownandthebloodthatwasspilled.
21
THEYSATINTHEYARDastheSantaAnawarmedthem.
Walkhadbeentryingtosleep,despitetheearlyhour,butinsteadfoundhimselfstaringupattheceilingwhenheheardtheknockatthedoor.
“Ican’tbelieveyoustillliveathome,Walk.That’ssouncool,”Marthasaid.
She’dbroughtdinner,chilishewarmedontheoldstovethatWalkusedtostoretakeoutmenus.
“IfeellikeIshouldlinemymouthwithwaxbeforeItrythis.”
“Relax,Walk.Iwenteasy.BarelyblipsontheScoville.Chiliforpussies.”
Hetouchedtheforktohistongueandimmediatelyfeltthelava.“Seriously?It’slikeanillness.Youareactuallyill.”
Shelaughed.“Justeatthecornbread.Youlooklikeyoucoulduseit.Ihopeyou’retakingcareofyourself,Walk.”
Hesmiled.“YouevermisstheCape?”
“Everyday.”
“ItoldLeahI’dbeenseeingyouagain.”
“Seeingme?”
“Ididn’t—”
Shelaughed.Heblushed.
“LeahTallow.ShestillmarriedtoEd?”
“Sheis.”
“Wow,shemust’veputupwithalotovertheyears.Irememberhimatschool,usedtochaseafterStar.”
“Everyonedid.”
“TallowConstruction.Iseetheirboardsupsometimes.Ihadaclientawhileback,husbandwaslaidoffbyTallow,heturnedtothebottle.”
“Themarketistough.It’llturn.”
“Especiallyiftheystartbuildingallthosenewhomes.”
Hestoodandtoppedupherwine.“IwenttoseeMiltonagain.”
“Thebutcher.Irememberhimatschool.Doeshestillsmellofblood?”
“Hedoes.He’scertain,heheardarguing,andhe’lltestifyhesawVincentandDarkegetintoitoutsideStar’splace.Andhe’llspeculateitwasoverStar.”
Theagreementwasthere,uneasyatfirst,butMarthawassettlingintoit.WalkwouldworktheKingcase,andanythinghefoundhewouldbringtoher,andshewouldunravelitandrepackageitandtellWalkifitwasworthmorethanadamninacourtoflaw.Shewasclearenough,though,undernocircumstanceswouldshegototrial.They’dbuildthecaseasbesttheycouldandthenpassitovertoatriallawyer.AndifVincentwouldn’tretainonethenatleastshe’dtried
“Didyouhaveachancetolookatthepapers?”
“Sure,whatelsewouldIbedoing?It’snotlikeIneedsleeporanything.”
Hesmiledasshelefthim,wentoutthesidegatetohercarthenreturnedwithherbriefcase.WalkclearedthedishesawaywhileMarthaspreadpapersoutoverthetable.Citronellaburned,fivecandlesbattledthenightskyandgavethemjustenoughlight.
Taxreturns,statements,companyfilings,goingbacktwentyyears.AllWalkcouldpullonDickieDarke.
“Therecordsarestraightandordered,Walk.Darkeearnsdecentmoney.Maybetwofiftyayear.Nothingreallyraisesanyredflags.Iwentbackfar,whenheboughtasmallhomeonLavenhamAvenue,Portland.”
“Oregon.”
“Iguessthat’swherehe’sfrom.Heremodeledandsolditonforathirty-thousand-dollarprofit,whichhedeclaredinfull.Modestexpenses.Thenanotherablockaway,madeforty-five.Andthennothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Musthavefoundanotherincome.Fouryearsofnothing.Andthenhesteppeditupmassively,seemedtomovefromtowntotown,workinghiswayalongthecoast,whereverhecouldmakeabuck.Justlikethat.”
“Alwaysrealestate?”
“Mostly.AplaceinEugene,anotherinGoldBeach.Inthesummerof’95hearrivedintheCape,boughttheoldbaronCabrilloandspentayeartryingtogetalicense.”
Walkrememberedthenightitopened;again,nofussorlaunchparty,justlightinthedarkness.
“Thefirstyearitgrossedhalfamilliondollars.”Marthasippedherwine.“Thesecondyearitdoubled.Itwasagoldmine,Walk.Andthat’sjustwhathedeclared,placelikethat,it’sallcash,right?Itmightbeallhehad,butitwasallheneeded.”
“SoheleveragesthattobuytheKinghouse.Atleasthewouldhave.”
“Therewerepayments,though,eye-wateringpayments.”
“Towho?”
“Myguesswouldbewhoeverinvestedwithhim.Notabank.”
“Loanshark?”
“Couldbe.Hiscredithistoryissketchy,lotofmovingaround,would’vemadeithardtoborrowfromaregularbank.AndthenheboughtthehouseonFortunaAvenue.”
“DeeLane’splace.”
“AndthehouseonIvyRanchRoad.”
“TheRadleyhouse.”
“Smallhouses,justrentals.AndaninvestmentinadevelopmentcalledCedarHeights.”
Walkhadseentheadvertisementsinthelocalnewspaper.
“Sorry,Walk.Nothingstrangeatallinthis.”
Walksighed.
“Thatclubheowned.It’scalledTheEight,right?”Marthasaid.
“Yeah.”
“Ihadagirlfromtherecomein.Shehadproblemswithaboyfriend.IthinkshementionedDarkeonce.”
“CanItalktoher?”
“Maybe.I’llask.”
“Weneedtoknowaboutthosepayments.”
“AllI’vegotisanaccountnumber.”
“Couldbesomething.”
“Ornothing.Iknowthecasefilenow.Whatyou’vegotisawholeloadofnothing.Andwhatyouneedisasmokinggun.Nothingshortofthat.”
Hestoodwhenhiscellrang,sawitwasMilton.Themansoundedbreathless,outforhiseveningwalk,burningoffsomeofthemeat.Hespokeforaminute.
Marthagatheredthepapers.“Everythingalright?”
“MiltonrunsNeighborhoodWatch.”
Martharaisedaneyebrow.
“He’stheonlymembersinceEttapassed.Hesaidthere’sa10-91onSunset.I’dbetterheadover.”
“10-91?”
Walksighed.“Strayhorse.”
HedrovetoSunset,didn’teventhinkofrunningthelights.
AsedanoutsidetheKinghouse,sonondescriptWalkfiguredthemforcops.
Hepulledthecruiseruprightbehind,flashedhislightsoncethengotoutandwalkeduptothewindow.
Twomen,neithermovedtorolldownawindow.Walkwatchedtheemptystreet,theemptylots,themoonlitwatersoftheCape.Astrangecarstoodout.Hetappedtheglassgently.Slowlythedriverturned,maybefifty,headofdarkhairandhandsome.
“CanIhelpyouwithsomething?”Walksmiled.
Themanlookedathisfriend,older,maybesixty-five,beardandglasses.“Didwedosomething?”
“NotthatIknowof.”
“Sofuckoffthen.”
Walkswallowedandfelttheadrenalinekickalittle.“AndifIdon’t?”
Asmilecameback,justsmall,likeWalkshouldhaveknownsomethinghedidnot,andcouldstillbepunishedforit.
“We’relookingforRichardDarke.”
“Darkedoesn’tlivehere.”Walkdidn’tdrawbutkeptahandtheretoshowhisintent.
“Anyideaswherewecanfindhim?”
WalkthoughtofDarke,thepayments,thekindofmenhewasmostlikelyinbusinesswith.“Idon’tknowwherehelives.”
“Youseehim,tellhimwe’renotgoingaway,”theolderguysaid,notlookingatWalk.
Thedriverstartedtheengine.
“Ineedyoutostepoutofthevehicle.”
ThedriverlookedupatWalk,thenattheKinghousebehind.“Darke’sgoodatspinningplates,tillonedrops.”
“IsaidIneedyou—”
Thedriverclosedthewindowandpulledintothestreet.
Walkconsideredchasing,radioing,insteadhewatchedthemcoastSunset,handstillonhisgun.
***
ShetookRobin’shandastheyopenedthegateandwalkedovertowardthetwohorses,grazingsidebyside.
“Canyoueatwithusonetime?”
Duchessmuzzledtheblackgently,pattinghisnosewiththeflatofherhand.“No.”
Thenshemuzzledthesmallergray,triedtopetherbutshemovedherfaceaway.Duchesslikedher.
Sheropedthemuzzlesandledthemgently,Robinkeepingfartotheside.Heranthelaststepsthenclosedthegatebehind,likeshe’dshownhim.
Whenshewasdoneshetoldthemgoodnight,thenfoundRobinonapatchofgrassbythewater.Heknewnottogotooclose,thoughhecouldswimwell,sherodethreebusestothelidoinOakmonteachSaturdayforclosetoayearbecausetheytaughtkidsforfree.
Whenshegotclosehescootedaway.
“You’repissedatme.”
“Yes.”Heballedafistandkeptitinhislap.Heworeshorts,thinlegs,kneesgrazed.“Youshouldn’thavesaidthattoTyler.”
“Heshouldn’thavepushedyoudown.”
Hollownightfellasquickasduskbegan,thewarmthliftingtillnothingbutcoolremained.
“Alright.”
“It’snotalright.”Hehitthegrasswithhisfist.“Ilikeithere.IlikeGrandpaandIliketheanimals.IlikeMissChildandthenewschool.Idon’tneed…”
“What?”shesaiditquietbutthechallengewasthere.Amonthbackhewouldhavestayedsilent.
“You.I’vegotGrandpaandhe’sanadult.Hecancareforus.Idon’twantyoutofixmyfood.”
Hecriedquietly.Shewatchedhimhuddled,chintochest,kneesupandarmsaroundthem.Sheknewaboutthethingsthatshapedpeople,memoriesandeventsthatprintyoursoul.SheneededRobintobealright,morethananythingsheneededthat.Hesawtheshrinkeachweek,thoughnolongertoldherwhatwasdiscussed.Idon’thavetotell.It’sprivate.
“Iknowyou’reanoutlaw,butI’mnot.Ijustwanttobeakid.”
Shescootednearer,herjeansinthedirt.“You’reaprince,remember.Momsaidthatandshewasright.”
“Justleavemealone.”
Shemadetorufflehishairbuthemovedfromherhand,stoodandthenranforthehouse.Foramomentshethoughtshemightcrytoo,justletthepastmonthsandyearsrotherintothedirt,washherskinfromherbonesandherbloodtothewater.
Sheheardtherumbleofatruck,tensedforamoment,thensawitwasDolly.Dollyleftthehigh-beamscuttingasweepoflightoverthewater.
“MindifIsitawhile?”Dollystoppedbynowandthen.Sheworeacreamdress,heelswithredsoles,thekindofwomanthatdidnotownworkclothes.
“Ididn’tseeyouatchurchlastweek,”Duchesssaid.
“Bill’sbeensick.”Hercigaretteglowedasshehelditaway.
“Oh.”
“He’sbeensickalongtime.Somedaysarebetterthanothers.”
“Right.”
“Imissedseeingthatdress.”
Duchesshadcutanewswathtoshowoffherbellybutton.
“Youcancomebyyouknow.Ifyoueverwantsomefemalecompany.Idon’thavesiblings,nomother,grewupfendingformyself.”
“Andyou’realright.”
“I’mgoodatfronting,Duchess.I’mafuckingmaster.Anyway,Halknowswheretofindmeifyouwanttostopby.”
“ItrynottotalktoHalallthatmuch.”
“Andwhy’sthat?”
“WouldIhavemethim…Imean,ifmymother…”
Thewatersloppedgently.“Hemadethedrive.”
Duchessturned.
“ToCapeHaven.”Dollyspokequietly,asifbetrayingatrust.“Ijust,Ithoughtyoushouldknow.”
“When?”
“Everyyear.Sameday.June2nd.”
“Mybirthday.”
Asmile,smallthoughitwas.“He’dtakeagift.Heusedtoaskmetohelphimpickoutsomethingyou’dlike.Andthen,whenRobinwasborn.He’dmakethatdrivetwiceeachyear.Andthisisamanthatnevertakesadayoff,can’taffordto.”
Duchessglancedbackattheoldfarmhouse.“How’dheknow?Starsaidsheneverspoketohim.”
“Oh,shedidn’t.Stubbornone,yourmother.SoundslikesomeoneelseIknow.”
“Saveit.”
“Hestillhadsomeonethere.Calledhimnowandthen.Apoliceman.”
Duchessclosedhereyes.Walk.“Inevergotthem.”
“Oh,Iknow.He’dcomebackwiththem.Sameeachtime.Didn’tstophimtrying,though.Hewouldn’tseeyouwithoutyourmother’sblessing.”
“Sheblamedhim.Foreverything.”
Dollylaidahandonhershoulder.
Duchessknewabouthergrandmother,herspiritsofreeDuchessstillcarriedtheDaybeforeRadley.Starhadbeenseventeen.She’dtriedcollege,camehomeearlyandsawthenoterightoff.
Iloveyou.I’msorry.Callyourfatheranddon’tgointothekitchen.
Starneverwasonetofollowrules.
Dollystood.“IbroughtapieforRobin.Two-mile-highmud.Ireckonhe’llbedisappointedit’snotrealmud.”
Duchessfollowedhertothetruckandtookthepiefromher.
“Yourgrandfatherisold.”
“Iknow.”
“Youevermadeamistake,Duchess?”
DuchessthoughtoftheCape,thefire,thefights,scratchingBrandon’sMustang.“Never.”
Dollygrabbedherthen,heldher.Shesmelledofsweetperfume.DuchesstriedtobreakitbutDollyheldhertight.“Don’tloseyourself,Duchess.”
After,shewatchedthetruckfade.
Firstrainfellonhershoulders.
Itturnedonherfast,soheavyitkickedupthemudaroundandsplashedherlegs.Shestoodthereandtiltedherheadtowardthesky,theopeningheavennotenoughtocleanseher.
ShefoundHalontheporch.Heheldatowel.Shelethimwrapherandwalkedtotheseat,tookthecocoahehanded,themugsteamingawayherprotest.Therainfellsolouditdrownedthescreamofthatvoicethattoldhertokickandkick.
“Robinissleeping.Hedidn’tmeanwhathesaid.”Halsatbesideher,farenoughupthebench.
“Hedid.”
“Isawyouinthefield.BigSkyisbeautiful,evenintherain.”
“Dollybroughtapie.”Duchesshandedhimthedishbyherfoot.
Insidethephonerang.Itdidnotringoften.Shewatchedtheoldmanheadinandspeakafewwordsthatdidnotcarry.
“Whowasit?”
“Walker.”
“DidhementionDarke?”
“Hewasjustcheckingin.”
“Darkewillcome.”
“There’snowayofknowingthat.”
“Youdon’tgetit.”
“Tellme.”
“Hepromisedhe’dcomeforme.”
“Why?”
Shesaidnothing.
Theysatanddrankandbreathedtheearthyrain.
“Idreammorehere.Idon’twantto.”
Heturnedtoher.
“Andmydreamsarefuckedup.”
Hedidnotflinchatthecurse.“Tellme.”
“No.”
“Tellthegray.Shecanhearyoufromhere.Justtalk,that’sall,Duchess.”
“That’sall,”shesaidquietly.
Heclosedhiseyestotherain.Shesawhimthen,alifeofpaidmistake,thelureofsecondchance,theplaintiveaskofredemption.
“Iriseabovethefarmhouseandseeslatesandgreen,thegutterofleavesthatremindmeoffallandseasonsthatchangenomatterwhodies.IamhighintheskyandMontanaisafootnote,patchworkfieldsstitchedbytractorslikeants,peoplethatbobliketheyaredrowninginordinary.
“TheoceanisendlessbutIseeitsend.Iseetheearth,thecurvesaretomorrowbutitwon’tturn.Iseecloudsthatholdsky,asunsetinthedesertandariseovermetals.BeforelongIamdarknessandstarsandtheirmoons.TheworldisanothingsosmallIraiseafingerandhideit.IamtheGodIdon’tbelievein.Iambigenoughtostopthebadmen.”
Shewouldnotcry.
Halwatchedhercarefully.“IfhecomesIwillstophim.”
“Why?”
“ToprotectyouandRobin.”
“Icanprotectus.”
“You’restillachild.”
“I’mnotachild.Iamanoutlaw.”
Heplacedanarmaroundherandshemeltedintothewarmth,hatingherselfasshedid.
22
THEAPARTMENTWASABOVEAFive&Dime,onewindowpunchedoutandreplacedwithaboard,theothersgrimyenoughWalkcouldn’timaginemuchlightmadeitthrough.Besidethedoorwasavent,thesmellofChinesefoodpumpedout,despitetheearlyhour.
Thegirl’snamewasJulietaFuentesandshe’dworkedatvariousclubsasadancer.MarthahadleftseveralmessagesonhercellbutgaveWalktheaddresswhenthegirldidn’tgetback.Itwasn’tonWalk,hedidn’tpress,butJulietahadtroublewithanexandMarthawasworriedabouther.
Hefoundthedooropenandclimbedthenarrowstaircase.Moldcreptitswayfromthemottledceiling.
Heknockedonthedoor,waitedalittlethenhammeredit.
Julietawassmall,darkhair,widehips,thekindofbeautifulthatalmostsawhimtakeastepback.
Sheglared.Heflashedhisbadgeandsheglaredsomemore.
“Mysonissleepinginside.”
“Sorry.IgotyourdetailsfromMarthaMay.”
Julietasoftenedthen,justenoughtotakeastepoutintothenarrowhallwayandpullthedoortobehindher.
ShepressedclosetoWalk.Hetriedtomoveback,droppeddownastepbutfoundhiseyeslevelwithherbust.Hecoughedonce,turnedashadeofredthatsawherglarereturn.
“Getitoverwith,whateveryouwanttoknow.”
“YouworkedatTheEight.”
“Itookmyclothesoffformoney,isthatacrime?”
Walkwantedtoloosenhiscollar,feltitconstrictingtheblood,sendingevenmoretohischeeks.“IjustwantedtoaskyouacoupleofquestionsaboutDickieDarke.”
Nochangeintheglare.
Heclearedhisthroat.“Marthasaidyouhadsometroublewithaguy.Isitthefatherof—”
“Idon’tsleeparound,officer.Notallgirlsthatdancearewhores,youknow.”
Walkglancedaround,halfhopingtoseebackuparrive.“I’msorry.Ijust,I’mtryingtofindoutaboutDickieDarke.”
“Hedidn’tdoit.”
“What?”
“Whateveryouthinkhedid.”
“Thatthepartyline?”
Shetightenedherrobe,openedthedooralittleandlistenedout.“Mysonsleepslate.Upallnight.”
“Likehismother.”
Thefirsthintofasmile.“Listen,peoplelookatDarkeandseethesizeofhim,guesshe’ssomekindoftoughguy.Imean,don’tgetmewrong,hecanhandlehimself.I’veseenhim,thisguytriedtograbmeonce.AndDarkejustpickedhimupbyhisthroat.Imeancleanoffthefloor.Likesomethingoutofamovie.”
“Buthe’snotviolent.”
Julietahithisarm,hardenough,somethingLatininthemove.“You’rethinkinglikeanassholecop.”
“HowshouldIbethinking?”
Shethoughtonthat.“Maybelikeafatherlookingoutforhisgirl.”
“That’swhatDarkewaslike?”
Shesighedlikeshewasdealingwithanassholecop.“Hedidn’twatchus.Dancing.Heneverwatched,nevertriedtodateus,neveraskedforablowjob.Andbelieveme,that’snotusual.Ifwehadtrouble,cameupshort,he’dseeusright.YoutalktoanygirlfromTheEight,youwon’thearnothingbadabouttheman.”
“Thisguy,fatherofyourson,didDarkesortthattoo?”
Shedidn’tspeak,buthereyestoldhimwhathewantedtoknow.
“Anythingatallyoucantellme?Hemightbeintrouble.”
“Whatkindoftrouble?”
“There’smenlookingforhim.Twoguys,onehadabeardandglasses.”
Hecouldtellbythelookonherfacesheknewthem.
“I’mjusttryingtogetanswershere.Please.”
“Iknowthosemen,theystoppedbyeachmonth,secondFriday,leftwithafatenvelope.Notunusual,thekindofclubsIworkedin,there’salwaysguyscollecting.”
“Healwayspaid.”
Shelaughed.“Youdon’thaveachoicewithguyslikethat.Youpayortheymakeyoupay.Darkeknowsthat.”
“Andthefactthey’relookingforhimnow…”
“YouthinktheygiveashitTheEightburned?Nottheirproblem.Theywanttheirmoney.”
“Idon’tthinkhecanpaythem.”
Aflashofconcernthen.“Heshouldrun.”
“I’msureDarkecantakecareofhimself.”
“Youdon’tunderstandhim.Beneathitall…”
“Tellme.”
“Therewasadancerthere,Isabella,nowthatonewasawhore.ShethoughtDarkehadmoney,soshemadehermove.Andhetoldherhewasn’tinterested.”
“Didhesaywhy?”
“Hesaidhedidn’tlookatherthatway.Saidhehadagirl.Thatwasall.Weneversawher.”
“Sohewasseeingsomeone.Anythingelse,evenifyouthinkitdoesn’tmatter.”
“Jesus.Youcopskeeppushing,right.”
“Please,it’simportant.Anything.”
“You’relookingtobustthemanbutallIcantellyouishelookedoutforus,forme.Meandanothergirl,wewerehisfavorites.”
“Why?”
“Wehadkids.Hewasprotective,softeven.OnenightIdidn’tshowforworkandheturneduphere.Hesawme,myfacethatnight.Hewasworried.”
“Andtheothergirl?”
“Layla.Hewasthesamewithher.Heeventookthemout,SixFlags.Imean,evenIwasjealous.He’sadecentguy.”
“CanItalktoLayla?”
“She’sgone,somewhereoutwest.Herandherlittlegirl.”
“Shehadadaughter.”
“Yeah,usedtohaveapictureonherlocker.Beautifulgirl.”
Walkheardnoisefrominside.Thekidcallingout.
“Wedonehere?”
“Sure.”
“Happyhunting,officer.”
AnhourtoDarke’splace.OnthedrivehecalledMartha.Julieta’sex-boyfriendwasMaxCortinez,andhewasbeatenhalftodeathoutsideabarinBitterwatertwomonthsprior.WalkgotMarthatoreadthereport.
Maxwasstampedon,sohardandsomanytimeshe’dlostallbutoneofhisteeth.Bigboots.Max,thekindofguyBitterwaterPDdidn’twasteanyhourson.Walktriedtocallhimdirect,gottoldtofuckoffwhentheguyfinallyansweredhiscell.
Walkcaughthisowneyesintherearviewmirror,beardalittlelonger,facealittlethinner,slowslidetowardsomeplacedarker.Notjusthisbodybetrayinghim,henolongerquestionedbreakingthekindofruleshe’dbasedalifeon.Itwouldleadsomewherebad,itcouldn’tnot.
CedarHeights,ahalf-finishedestate,widelots,grandandsoulless.Agatehouse,thebricktoonew,eventhewoodlandsurroundinghadanairofmanufactured.Darkehadputmoneyintotheplace.
Hedrewupbythebarrier.Amansteppedout,stragglybeard,smartpolo,strongsmellofweed.ThekindofeyesthattoldWalkheexistedinapermanentstateofconfusion.
“Morning,officer.”
“I’mheretoseeDickieDarke.”
Themanlookedtowardthesky,scratchedthebeardandtappedthesideofhisheadlikehewasworkinglooseananswer.“Idon’tthinkhe’shome.Ihaven’tseenhim.”
“He’sexpectingme.”
Aminutepassedwhiletheguymadeacall.“He’snotpickingup.”
“I’llgoandknock.”
Anotherbeardscratch.
Walkleanedanarmoutwhilethemanweighedthings.“What’syourname?”
“MosesDupris.”
Asilentflinch.
Besidewasawaterfountain,dryandgreen,mosaictilesweremissinginspots.
“I’llsayIsteamrolledyou,Moses.How’sthatsound?Threatenedtomakeascene,knockhisneighbors’doors.”
“Well,tobehonestthere’snotalotofneighbors.”
“Whichhouse?”
Mosespointed.“Darke…Mr.Darke,hestaysinthemodelhomeatthemoment.Youcanpulluprightonthedriveway.”
Insidewasasingleroadthatcurveditswayaroundadozenhomes.Acouplewerefinished,mostwereboarded,scaffoldstood,halfpainted,apileofrubbletowered.Themodelhomesatbywoodland,prettyenough,whitestucco,pillarsandsashwindows.Walkhatedtheplace,thesterilefeel.HethoughtofCapeHavenandthewilltomakeitsomeplacelikethis.Peoplewerebuyingparcelsofcoastthatdidn’tyethaveplanningpermission.Hehopedhe’dbelongdeadbeforethegreentiderolledin.
Upclosethehousehadalreadyaged,adeepcrackcreptitswaytobrokengutteringthathungloose.Grassgrewlong,weedspokedtheirwaythroughbeds.
Thedoorwaslarge,Walkcouldn’tfindabellsohehammeredthewaycopsdidontelevision.Heavy,urgentthumps.Hestoodthereawhile,birdssingingathim
Hewalkedalongthefrontofthehouse,thedrapespulled,nogapsatall.Atthesidewasagate,wroughtiron,blackandheavybutopenwhenhetriedit.
Apool,barbequeareabuiltupandout,TVscreenbythechairs.Walkstoppedstillwhenhesawthebackdoor,open.
“Darke,”hecalled.
Hesteppedinside.Hisheartbeatquick.Thoughtofdrawingbutfoundhishandsnotcooperating.That’showitwasnow.
Afanspunabove.Hesawneatorder,openedacabinettocannedfood,labelsfront,perfectlyso.
Hemovedthrough,sweatingnow.Pastthediningroom,anoffice,thelivingroom,televisionon,thesoundmuted,ESPN,KarlRavechinfrontofawallofbooks,talkingBautistaandBraves.
Thewholeplacewasdressed,everyitemcarefullychosentoprojectanideal.Hesawplasticfruitinabowl,plasticflowersonasidetable,andphotoframesfilledwithamodelfamilysportingplasticsmiles.
HeimaginedDarkelivingtherealone,bigandawkwardandtryingnottomakeamess.
Walkclimbedthestairs,wood,carpetrunner,creamandthick.Hepassedamirrorandsawhimselfreflected,handstillonhisgun,akidplayingcowboys,huntingdownVincentandhisplastictomahawk.
Hetriedguestrooms,threebeforehefoundthemaster.Everythingimmaculate.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
Hespun,hishearthammeredaway.
Darkestoodatthetopofthestairs,shortsandvestandearphonesin.Thestarewascoldandhard.
“Icametocheckonyou.”
Justthestare,nothingmore.
“Therewerepeopleaskingaboutyou.Didn’tlooklikethekindofguysyouwanttopayavisit.”
Walkfollowedhimdownthestairsandintoaplushden.
“Youwanttogetthisoverwith?”
Walktookaseatonthesoftleathercouch.Darkestayedstanding,thegulfbetweenthemgrew.
“JulietaFuentes,”Walksaid,andthenwatched.
SweatcoatedDarke,downmuscledarmsandlegs.
“YourememberJulieta?”
“Iremembereveryonethatworksforme.”
“Yourememberherboyfriend,MaxCortinez?”
Nothing.
Walkstoodandmovedovertothewindow.Theyardwassmallbutlandscaped,treesandborders,somekindofsculpturecarvedoutofalog.“Idon’tblameyou.WhatyoudidtoMax.Itwasone-sided,himandJulieta,youevenedthingsup.”
Darkejuststared,butforamomentsomethingelsecreptin.Sadness,mayberegret.
“It’snoble.Youdidherafavor.Youshowedheart.”
“Julietaearnedmorethantheothers.”
Andthenthefit.Hewasprotectinghisasset.DickieDarke,hissolepurposethepursuitofmoney.
Walk’sthroatdriedashestrayeddeeper.“Youlostit,though.Beathimtoobadly.Hecould’vedied.IsthatwhathappenedwithStar?”
Darke’sface,thedisappointmentplainenough.“You’reaskingthewrongquestionstothewrongperson.”
Walkmovedcloser,adrenalinefiringagain.“Idon’tthinkso.”
“VincentKing,youdon’twanttoseethemanheis,onlytheboyhewas.”
Walktookanotherstep.
Darkestraightenedup.“You’reoutofyourdepth.You’relosingyourself.Iknowhowthatfeels.”
“Howdoesitfeel?”
“Sometimeswejustwanttogeton.Peoplegetinthewayofthat.”
“HowdidStargetintheway?”
“How’shergirldoing?YoutoldherIwasthinkingabouther.”
Walktensedatthat,grithisteeth.Anotherdayandhemighthavesquaredoffwiththebiggerman,anotherdayormaybeanotherlife.Hisbreathinggrewsolaboredtheroomstartedtodim.“Ibettergeton.”
Hewalkedoutandintothekitchen.Darkefollowed.
Walkslowedalittleashefeltthebloodrushfromhishead.Heheldoutahandtosteadyhimself.Themedication,thefuckingdiseasemakinghimweak.
Bythestreetdoorhenoticedit,thesmallcaseinthecorner.“Youtakingatrip,Darke?”
“Business.”
“Anywherenice?”Walkturnedtofacehim.
“SomewhereIwashopingIwouldn’thavetovisit.”
Themomentpassedbetweenthem,andthenWalkturnedandleft,climbedintothecruiserandheadedbacktotheCape.
Itwasn’ttillhecrossedthetownlinethathepulledover,anddialedMontana
23
ITRAINEDSOLONGDUCHESStooktosittingbythewindow,ontheboxseat,skywatching,justliketheoldman.Shenoticedhimwatchingherclose,andwatchingthedrive,likehewaswaitingonavisitor.
Robingotsick,afluthatsawhimtaketohisbedforaweek.Duchessbroughthimhotdrinksandfussed,thoughitsattherebetweenthem,likeaweightonherchest,akindofdivideshewouldbreakdownabsolutely.
Onthethirdnighthisfeverspiked,hecriedoutfortheirmother,upinbed,slickhairandwildeyes.Hescreamedandwrenchedsoundsfromdeep,akindofpainsheknewwellherself.Halwaspanicked,askingDuchessifheshouldcalladoctororanambulance.Sheignoredhim,wetaclothandstrippedRobinnaked.
Shesatwithhimallnight,Halbythedoor.Notspeaking,justthere.
Thenextmorningitbrokeandheatealittlesoup.Halcarriedhimdownandsettledhimontheporchswingsohecouldwatchtherainandbreathethemist.
“Ilikehowitdrumsthelake,”Robinsaid.
“Yes.”
“I’msorry.WhatIsaidbefore.”
Sheturnedandkneltontheroughwood,herpantsalreadytornatthekneefromworkingherjobs.“Youdon’teverneedtosaythattome.”
HalhadaVCR.TheywatchedRitaHayworthonelazySunday.Duchessdidnotknowawomancouldbesoexquisite.Andthen,intheattic,shediscoveredabagfullofWesterns,satbesidetheoldmanandwatchedthemthroughthenighttillRobinwasallbetter.ForadayshelosthernameandchasedabandofMexicansthroughsappingwheat,Halwatchingonfromtheporch,shakinghisheadlikehe’dtakeninaloon.ShecalledhimTucoandtoldhimhewastheuglyandshewasthebad.Thegoodclappedhishands,hiscurlsrainplastered,hisyellowmacdrippingwet.
Ondaysshepracticed,shemarchedahundredyardsback,hitthetreebangcenterandcalledherselfSundance.
ThefirsttimesherodethegrayshefeltasclosetoButchassheeverhad.Closetoherblood,alittlelessforeign,aroottakingholdinMontanaearth.Shelayahandonthegrayandfelttheheatfromher,pattedgentlyandtoldthehorseshewouldn’teverkickherand,inreturn,maybeshecouldagreenottothrowacowgirltothedirt.ShegrippedthehorntightandshookrainfromherhairasHalledheraroundthepaddock,justagentletrotthatleftherfightingthewidestsmilewhenshewasdone.
Anotherweekandshewatchedtheendlesscarbonskybegintocrackandtherainease,theblueedgeitswayinandsunlightblessthegroundforthefirsttimeinamonth.
AsshelookedoutacrossthelandshesawHalbytheharrowandRobinbythecoop,bothofthemturningskywardandsmiling.
Halraisedahand,Robintoo.Andthen,slowly,withgreateffort,Duchessraisedherowntothemboth.Inmathshelearnedthetrianglewasthestrongestshape.
TherewasagradualismtoMontanadays,fallsweepingthemalongwithleavesathousandkindsofbrown.
OneSaturdayHaldrovethemtoGlacier.TheyhikedtoRunningEagleFalls,theaspenscatchingthelightandstoppingherbreath.Theywalkedonacarpetofleaves,somesobigtheycametoRobin’sshoulderwhenhedrewthemup.Hetriedtocollectthem,gotsomanyhecouldbarelyseeover.Halbroughtthemtoaclearingandtheywatchedthestarkyellowcottonwoodswavelikefool’sgold.
“Beautiful,”Halsaid.
“Beautiful,”Robinechoed.
Duchessjuststared.Somedays,meanandtoughwashardtolocate.
Theystoppedatrocks,watercascadingloud.Theystoodbesideafamilyoffour,sosymmetricalDuchesslookedawayfromthemotherandfatherlikethey’dcommittedamodern-daysin.Shereasonedthey’ddivorcesoonenough,hardentheirlittleangelstillallthatwasleftwasslammeddoorsandangrytears.Shedidsmileatthat.
DuchessstillworeherdresseachSundaytoCanyonViewBaptist.EachtimeHalstillfrownedandtheotherkidsstillstared,buttheoldpeople,thecouplesthatstoppedandbowed,widowedladiesthatcarriedthemselveswithearneddecency,theyalltooktoher.NonemoresothanDolly,whosoughtheroutmostweekendsandsatbesideher.
Fallshadows,thecandlesandlanternsneeded.Robinsatacrosswiththreeotherkids,brothersallolderbuttheylethimtrailthem.Theirmotherhushedthemnowandthen.Robinwatchedtheminquietawe,biggerboys,therewasnothingthatcompared.
“Hewillcome.”
“Who?”Halsaid.
“Darke.Youshouldknowthathewillcome.”
“Hewon’t.”
“I’mJoseyWalesandhe’saUnionsoldier.Thebountyismyblood.Hewillcome.”
“Youstillhaven’ttoldmewhyyouthinkhe’scoming.”
“HethinksIwrongedhim.”
“Didyou?”
“Yes.”
Theoldpriestcalledcommunionandshewatchedthelineform,sohungryforpurgationthey’dsharecheapwineandspit.
“Youwanttogoup?”Halsaid,sameeveryweek.
“DoIwanttocontractherpes,Hal?”
HelookedawayandDuchesstookthatasasmallvictory.Robinlinedupwiththebiggerboys.HeworeanoldMississippinecktietheyfoundintheatticandapanamahatatleastsevensizestoobig.
AstheypassedRobinturnedtothem.“John,RalphandDannyaregoinguptotakecommunion.IwanttostaywiththembutIdon’twanttocontractherpes.”
HalfrownedatDuchess.
Theystayedforcake.Duchessateasliceofchocolateandasliceoflemon,madeeyesatasliceofpearanddatebutanoldladytookitbeforeshecommitted.Shehadgainedalittleweight,enoughtoedgeofftheseverity.
WhentheyarrivedbackatthefarmhouseDuchesssawthebicycle,oldandshitty,layinginthedirtbytheporch.
“It’sThomasNoble,”Robinsaid,hisfaceattheglass.
ThomasNoblestoodatthebottomstep,badhandtuckedintothepocketofgreencorduroys.Heworeasmartgreenshirtandgreenjacket.
“Jesus.Helookslikeafuckingbooger.”
Theyclimbedfromthecar.
Duchessstood,handonhipandscowling.“Whatareyoudoinghere,ThomasNoble?”
Heswallowed,lookedatherdressthenswallowedagain.
“Ihopeyou’renotcheckingmeout.Halwillshootyou.Right,Hal?”
“Yes,”Halsaid.ThenheusheredRobinintothehouse,madeapromisetolethimdrivetheridingmowerafterhechangedoutofhischurchclothes.
“I…themathpaper.Ineededsomeoneto—”
“Don’teventrythatbullshit.”
“Ijustthoughtmaybewecouldhangout.BeingasIlivejustoverthere.”Hepointedwithhisgoodhand.
“IknowRadleyland,there’snoneighborclose.Howlongdidyouride?”
ThomasNoblescratchedhishead.“Fourmiles.Maybe.MomsaidIcoulddowiththeexercise.”
“You’reskinnytothepointofmalnourishment.She’ddobetteradvisingachangeofdiet.”
Hesmiledasimplesmile.
“I’mnotfixingyouanylunchorevenadrink.Thisisn’tthe1950s.”
“Iknow.”
“Well,I’mgoingtopulltheweedsbythewater.Workdoesn’tstopjustbecauseyoudon’thavethegoodsensetocallahead.”
Shewentintothehouse,changedintoheroldjeansandshirtthenfoundhimstillthere,standingdumbandlookingdownathissneakers.
“Isupposeyoucanmakeyourselfusefulandhelpme.”
“Yes,”hesaidquick.
Hetrailedherdowntothelakeedge,kneltbesideandpulledweedsshepointedat.Shetookacigarfromherpocket,stolenfromHal’sdresser.
“Youcan’tsmokethat.You’llcatchthecancer.”
Sheflippedhimoff,thenbitthetopoffthecigarandspititintothedirt.“JesseJohnRaymondheldasmokeinhismouthwhenheslaughteredthecowardPatBuchanan.”Shegrippedthecigarinherteeth.“Yougotalight?”
“DoIlooklikethekindofboythathasalight?”
“Fairpoint.Icouldjustchewit,likeBillyRossClanton.”
“Ithinkthat’sadifferenttypeoftobacco.”
“Youknownothing,ThomasNoble.”Duchessbitalargechunkoffthecigar,chewedandtriedmightilynottovomit.
ThomasNobleclearedhisthroat,thensquintedupather.“So…thereasonIcame.There’sthisdanceapproachingus.Thewinterformal.”
“Ihopeyou’renotworkingupthecouragetoaskme.Nowofalltimes.WhenI’vegotamouthfulloftobacco.”
Heshookhisheadquickly,thenwentbacktothetask.
“YoushouldknowthatIdon’tintendtomarry.AndIespeciallywouldn’tmarryyou…withthehand.”
“It’snothereditary.Iwasananomaly.DoctorRamirez—”
“I’manoutlaw.I’mnotgoingtotakethewordofaMexican.”
Heworkedoninsilence,thenstoppedtosquintupatheragain.“I’lldoyourmathhomeworkforamonth.”
“Alright.”
“Alrightyes?”
“No.Istillwouldn’tgowithyou.ButI’llpermityoutodomymath.”
“IsitbecauseI’mblack?”
“No,it’sbecauseyou’reaweaklingasshole.I’mlookingforbraveryinaman.”
“But—”
“I’mafuckingoutlaw.Whenyouwillrealizethat?Idon’tdressupniceanddateboys.I’vegotbiggerthingson.”
“Likewhat?”
“There’samanafterme,”shesaid,andhewatchedhercarefully.“AmannamedDickieDarkeandhedrivesablackEscaladeandhewantstokillme.So,youwanttodosomethinguseful,you’llkeepaneyeoutforhim.”
“Whydoeshewanttokillyou?”
“HethinksIwrongedhim.”
“Tellthecops.Oryourgrandfather.”
“Ican’ttellanyone.IftheyfindoutwhatIdidI’llgetinshit.TheymighttakemeawayfromRobin.”
“I’lllookout.”
“Youeverdoneanythingbraveinyourwholelife?”
Anotherheadscratch.“Thetire-swingbyCallyCreek.”
“That’snotbrave.”
“Youtryitwithonehand.”
Shealmostsmiled.
“Mymotherbirthedmewithoutpainrelief.Braveryispasseddown,right?”
“Shit,ThomasNoble.Youmust’veweighedacoupleounceswhenyouwereborn.Probablyshotoutwhenshesneezed.”
Hewentbacktopulling,squintingthewholetime.
“Whereareyourglasses?”
“Idon’tevenneedthem.”
“You’repullingthefuckingbluebells.Ihappentolikebluebells.”
Hegingerlylaythebluebellcarcassbackonthebank.“It’snotalwayseasytobebrave,youknow.I’mnotlikeyou.Youseethekidslaughingatme.They’reinagroup,aheadtaller,bigger,they’vegotmuscles.”
“It’snotabouthowbigyouare.It’sthewayyousellit.”
Hethoughtonthat.“SoIactlikeIcanfight?”
“Andthenyoudon’thaveto.”
“Thismanlookingforyou.Willitworkonhim?”
“No.Youseehimandyoutellmerightaway.”
“Alright.Butmaybeyoushouldbemoreworriedaboutthatkidyouthreatened.Tyler.Hehasanolderbrotherandhe’slookingforyou.”
Shewavedahand.“Fuckhimandhisfamily.Nowpullthatbigweedandthenbeonyourway.It’llbedarkbythetimeyoumakeithome.Andyoucanillaffordtogethitbyatruckandloseuseofanotherlimb.”
Hestoodwithreluctance.
Shewatchedhimwalk,pickuphisbicycleandsetofftowardthegate.Shewaitedtillhewasoutofsightbeforeshespitoutamouthfuloftobacco,shuddered,andscrapedhertonguewithherfingers.
24
THEIVERCOUNTYPARADE.
Mainbustled.Aboyropingstrawbalecalves,cursingashemissedthetop.Girlstossingbeanbagsintohoops.Therewasastallsellinghotdogs,arampforskateboardsnothingmorethanplyrestingonanupturnedplantpot.HaltookRobintogethisfacepainted.Duchesssatonthesidewalkandwatchedthefloats.MountCallInsurance,TrailwestBank.Littlegirlswithtiaras,wavingtotheflashofacoupleofcameras.
ShesawThomasNobleandhismother.Mrs.Noble.Shewastallandstriking,headsturnedasshestrolled.Besidewasanoldman,shortandthinandwhite.
Thomasheadedover.
“Yourmotherdoingcharity?Helptheagedorsomething.”
ThomasNoblefollowedhereye.“That’smyfather.”
Shefrowned.“Jeez,what’stheattractionthere,financialorfetishistic?”
Hetuggedherarm.“I’vegotsomethingtotellyou.It’surgent.”
Shestoodwithreluctanceasheledherfromthecrowds.NowDuchesscouldonlyguessatwhatThomasNobledeemedurgent,andherguessesrangedfromhimbelievinghismotherwasfoolingaroundwiththemailman,tofeelingcertainhiswitheredhandwasgettingstronger,andthathe’dsoonbeabletocrushcanswithit.Hehadathingaboutcrushingcans.
“Thisbetternotbeaboutyourmotherfuckingthemailman.”HerrelationshipwithThomasNoblehadblossomedintothekindofone-sidedfriendshipwhereheconfidedinherandsheusedhissecretsagainsthim,withoutmercy.
Heworeasunhat,tookitoffandfannedhimselfwithitastheymovedbeneaththeshadeofamapletree.“Thatkid,Tyler.Hisbrotherishereandhe’slookingforyou.”
“Youthoughtthatwasurgent?”
“Youdon’tunderstand.He’sbig.Ithinkyoushouldheadhome.”
“Whereishe?”
ThomasNobleswallowed.
“Don’tbeapussyallyourlife,ThomasNoble.TakemetothebigboysoIcanhandhisasstohim.”
Heledher,shakinghishead,wipingsweatwithatremblinghand.Wordspread,kidsclusteredinthealleywaybehindCherry’sBakery.
“That’shim.”
Duchessglancedatthekid,Tyler,theboythathadpushedRobinover.Andthenshelookedtothekidbesidehim,taller,fatter,uglier.Heworeshortsthatstoppedathiscalves,palelegsliketrunks,Conversewornandfaded.Darkhair,bowl-cut,alittleacneoneachcheek.
Tylerpointedherwayandthebiggerkidcametowardher.
“Whothefuckareyou?”Duchesssaid,fixingthebowinherhair.
“Gaylon.”
“Shit.Iguessyouhadtogrowuptough.”
“Youmessedwithmyfamily.”Hesteppedforward.
Sherolledhereyes.
“Youthreatenedtohurtmybrother.”
“ActuallyIthreatenedtobeheadthatmotherfucker.”
Adozenkidsnow,bloodinthewater.
“Youapologizetohim.”
“Shutthefuckup,fatboy.”
Collectivegaspsaskidsbackedupalittle,ThomasNoblenolongerbesideher.
Gaylontookanotherstep,clenchedafatfist.
Andthensheheardit.Partwarcry,partgirlishscream.ThecrowdpartedforThomasNobleashesprintedthrough.He’dloosenedhisshirtand,forreasonsDuchessdidnotdarecomprehend,tuckedhispantlegsintohissocks.
ThomasNoblemovedfast,boxedshadowsandswitchedfeet,circlingGaylonashebobbedhisheadbackandforth.
DuchessbroughtahandtoherfaceandwatchedthroughherfingersasGaylonlaidhimoutwithasinglepunch.
Andthenthebackdooropened.Cherrytakingoutatrashbag.Thecrowdmovedfast,Tylerandhisbrotherdisappeared.
Duchesswalkedoverandassessedthedamage.
“DidIwin?”ThomasNoblesaid,asshehelpedhimtohisfeet.
“It’sthetakingpartthatcounts.”
Hetouchedhiseyegingerly.“I’llhaveablackeye.”
“It’salreadyblack,”shereasoned.
“Maybeablueeyethen.”
“Comeon,I’llgetyousomeice.”Shetookhisgoodhandinhers.Despitethepain,hemanagedawidesmile.
“Thatwasbrave,right?”
“Morestupidthanbrave.”
ItwasassheturnedontoMainshesawit.
BlackEscalade.
Herblooddrained.
Darkehadfoundthem.
Sheletgoofhishandandmovedalongtrucks.Bumperstickers,SWANMOUNTAINandMONTANAELK,DISTRICTNINE.ShethoughtofDarke,tryingtoblendbetween,hissoullesseyesgivinghimaway.
DuchesssawHal’struck,thewindowsrolleddown.Shepoppedthedoorandslippedintothepassengerseat.ThomasNoblelookedonassheopenedtheglovecompartmentandslidtheSmith&Wessonfromitsplaceinside.
Shetuckedthegunintoherjeans.
ThomasNoble,thefightlefthimbeforeitevenarrived.
Theymovedbacktothesidewalk.Thesuncastahandoverthestreet,lightingthekidsandtheirparents,smilesoftheunknowing.Theywalkedup,outsideCherry’s,pastthebarbershop.Theyhuggedstorefronts,Duchessscanning,handonherbelt.
Thegun,nolongercoldbutburninghot,waitingonher.
AcrossthestreetwastheEscalade.SheimaginedDarkeinside,watchingherinthatwayhedid.
Shesteppedintotheroad,fearkeepingpacebutsheforceditdownbehindasmile.She’dletDarkeseeit,shewasgladhecamebecauseshewanteditdonenow.ShewouldkillforRobin,shedidn’tevenneedasking.
“Whatareyoudoing?”ThomasNobletuggedherarmbutsheshookhimoff,turnedandglared.
“Staythere.”
“Youcan’tjustgouptohim.”
ThomasNoblelookedlikehecouldcry,likehewantedtoturnandboltbuttheemergingmaninsidewasjostlingforplacewiththefrightenedkid.
ShecircledtothebackoftheEscalade.
Thesidewalknow,besidethecar,shetrailedahandalongthepaint,theshinedeepenoughtomirrorher.
“Duchess,please,”hecalled,butshedidn’tturn.
Sheslippedthegunfromherjeans,keptitbetweenherselfandthecarasshereachedforthehandleandpulledhard.
Itwaslocked.
Shepressedherfaceclosetotheglassandsawitempty.
Shespunaround.Theparaderolledon,drums,ribbons.Kidsmarchedinthebandwhilegirlstwirledandbeamed.
Duchesspushedherwaythroughagroupandheardkidscurseher.ThomasNoblestayedbeside.ShesawDarkeineveryone,warmsmilesandcoldeyes.Sheknewwhatmencoulddo,allofthem,capabilitywasenough.
Shewasabouttoturn,andthenshesawhim.
Sherannow,flatout.SheknockedCokefromakid’shand,sentanoldladysprawlingaspeopleyelled.Whenshereachedhimheturned,andhelookedupandsmiled.
ShekneltandtookRobinintoherarms.
“Whatisit?”Halsaid.
Andthenaladynoticedwhatsheheldinherhand.
“GUN.”
Halpulledhercloseaspanicbrokeoutaroundthem.
***
Thecallcameafterdinner.Halfilledhimin.BythetimethepanicdiedtheEscaladewasgone.Duchessdidnotgettheplates.Itcouldhavebeenanyone.Thereminderkeptthemallfocused.
Ashecutthelineitrangagain.
“You’repopular,”Marthasaid.
He’dpromisedtocookforher,losttrackofthedaysoendeduporderingin.Marthahadlaughed,saidshewasrelievedshe’datleastgetsomethingpalatable.He’dleftherinthehouse,workingthroughmorepapers.
“Cuddy,”Walksaidintothephone.Hehadn’tcheckedinwithCuddyinawhilesowasrelievedtohearthebigman’svoiceontheotherend.“How’sheholdingup?”
“Igothimbackinhisoldcell,hadtomovearunneron,bitchedsomethingawfulbutVincentseemsmoresettledinthere.”
“Thankyou.”
“Anynewsonthecase?ItriedaskingVincentaboutitbuthewouldn’tsayanything.Notliketheothers,alwayscryinginnocenceandinjustice.Iswear,you’dthinkwe’dlockedupabunchofchoirboys.”
Walklaughed.“Sohehasn’tspokentoanyone?”
“No.Itellyou,it’slikeheneverlefthere.Straightbackintotheoldroutine.Startingtothinkhemissedtheplace.”
Theymadesmalltalkawhile,andthenWalkheardMarthacall.
Hestood,lefthisbeeronthedeckandmadehiswayintothelivingroom.
Marthadidn’tsayanythingatfirst,juststraightenedslightly,thenleanedclosertothestackoffiles,putherglassesonandfocused.She’dbeentheonethatmadethebreak,thattracedDarke’snametoacompanyregisteredinPortland.
“Yougetsomething?”
“Maybe.Gobringmesomesnacks.Ineedsomethinkingpeppers.YougotanyHabanero?”
Heshookhishead.
“Malagueta?”
“Idon’tknowwhatthatis.”
“Shit,Walk.Somefuckingpoblano.Ineedheat.Jesus.Prepareformenexttime.”
Suitablychastisedhemadehiswayintothesmallkitchen,brewedcoffeeandwatchedthestreet.They’dbeenatitfourhours,fromdinnertolate,bothyawningandred-eyedbutbothknowingtheywouldsoonerworkthanlierestlessintheirbeds.Thecasewasgettingtohernow,morebecauseofthewayWalklooked,likehewasbeingravagedbythedetail.
Hehandedherthecoffee,andapeppermill.
Shefoughtasmile,thenflippedhimoff.
Hewatchedherpace,inherhandwasacorporationtaxfiling,astatementofregistration.Thetrailwasthekindofcomplexthathadalreadyseenhercallinfavorsfromataxationlawyersheknew.
“FortunaAvenue,”shesaid.
“Thesecondlinehomes.”
“Allbutacoupleareownedbythesameholdingcompany.Whendidthereportcomein,thefirstone?Theerodingcliffs.CaliforniaWild.”Marthachewedthecapofherpen.
Walkfishedthroughaheavystackofpapers.“May,1995.”
Marthasmiled,thenheldupherpaper.“ThiscompanyboughtthefirsthouseinSeptember1995.Andthentheyboughtanotheralmosteveryyearsince.Eighthomes,rollingfinance,eachmortgagedtopayforthenext.Thatworkedforthefirstsix,tilltheratehikes.”
“Andthen?”
Marthapacedagain,walkedovertothecabinet,toppedoffhercoffeewithwhiskyanddidthesametoWalk’s.“Sothiscompanyboughteveryhouseonthesecondline.CaliforniaWildgaugeditattenyears,right?”
“Giveortake.Thentheybuiltthebreakwater.TheKinghouseissafe.”
“Thesecondline,they’renotworthallthatmuch.Small,familyhomes.Gotthemcheap,doesn’tlookliketheyincreasedmuchovertheyears.”
“Until?”
“Untilthefrontlinestartedtofall,andthevacationersstartedtocome.Onebyonetheywentdown.Soallthatstoodbetweenthecompanyandwhat…”
“Fivemilliondollars.Atleast.”
“AndallthatblockeditwasVincentKingandhisfamilyhome.Thelandaround.Itcan’tbebuilton.NoonewouldgetapermitwhiletheKinghousestands.”
“Thiscompany,what’sitcalled.”
“TheMADTrust.”
“Whatkindofnameisthat?”
“Thename,itdoesn’tmatter.Butguesswhothesoledirectoris.”
ShehandedWalkthepaperandheheldittight,tryingtosteadyit.
Andthereitwas,atthetop,boldprint.
RichardDarke.
25
THATNIGHTDUCHESSWOKETOacoldsweat.
Shesawshapes,theclosettakingDarke’ssoullessform.
WhenshecalmedshecheckedRobin,thenslippedfromtheroomanddownthestairs.Sheworeasoftrobe.Halhadleftitoutforher.Itwassomethingtheyhadfalleninto.Shewouldstilltakenothingfromhimdirectly.Nofoodordrink,nohelpwiththehorsesevenwhenshehadhomeworkdueandthedaywasdrainingfast.Insteadheleftthingsforherandshetookthemwhenhewasnotaround.Shemarveledathispatience.
Shedrankwaterstraightfromthefaucet.
Assheturnedtoheadbackupsheheardit.
Movementontheporch.Maybetheswingoftheseat,thechainsloudnomatterhowmuchHaloiledthem.Sheduckedlow,herheartagain,racingawayfromher.
Shefumbledforthedrawer,foundadecent-lengthknifeandgrippedittight.Shecrepttothedoor,sawitopenalittleasmoonlightfellontoherbarefeet.
“Can’tsleep?”
“Shit.Iwasaboutreadytokillyou.”
“That’sabreadknife,”Halsaid.
Hesatontheswing,reducedtotheglowofhiscigar,thoughasshenearedshesawtheshotgunbyhisfeet.
“Youbelievedmethen,”shesaid.
“MaybeI’mjustwaitingonabear.”
“Ishould’vegottheplates.Ipickedupthegunandforgoteverythingelse.Fuckingrookie.”Shespitthewords,mouthtight.
“Youwereprotectingyourfamily,notmanypeoplebraveenoughtodothat.”
Sheshookherhead.“DoesDollyknow?”
AfterHalhadgentlytakenthegunfromherDollyhadappearedandledherintothesafetyofthedinerbeside.
“She’stough.Thoughtit’ddogoodtohaveanothersetofeyesoutthere.Sheasksafteryou,everytimeIseeher.Ithinkmaybeyouremindheralittleofheryoungerself.”
“Why?”
“Dolly’saboutthetoughestladyyou’llevermeet.Shehaditrough,shedoesn’ttellanyofit.HerBill,though,Iwasdrinkingwithhimonetime.Dolly’sfather,hewasmean.Hecaughthersmokingonce.”
“Andgaveherahiding.”
“No.Heburnedherwithit.She’sstillgotthescarsonherarms.Hetoldhershe’dneverhavethegutstolightoneupagain.”
Duchessswallowed.“Whathappenedtohim?”
“Shegotolderandheputhishands…Hewenttoprison.”
“Oh.”
Halcoughed.“Shedresseddifferentbackthen,Isawphotos.Sheworeboys’clothes,shapeless,baggy,buthestillcame.”
“Somepeoplearealldark.”
“Theyare.”
“JamesMiller,paidassassinandgunslinger.Hewenttochurchregular,didn’tdrinkorsmoke.Butrumorwashekilledfifty.Amoblynchedhim.Youknowwhathislastwordswere?”
“Tellme.”
“Let’errip.”
“Themobgotitrightthen.Ifthegoodstandbyidle,aretheystillgood?”
Itwasstarryenoughforsnow.Halsaidwinterhadnottouchedthemyet,thatwhenitdidthey’dknowitsowellthey’dforgetthecolorsoffall.
Hescootedover.
Shedidnotsit.
Theystayedinsilenceforalongtime.Whenhefinishedhiscigarhelitanother.
“Thecancerwillgetyou.”
“Itmight.”
“NotthatIcare.”
“Ofcoursenot.”
Darknesshidhiseyes.Hewatchedout,treesandwaterandthenothingthatwasslowlybecomingsomethingtoher.
Hestoodandwalkedintothekitchenandsheheardthewhistleofthekettle.
Shetookaseatatthefarendofthebenchandeyedtheshotgun.
Hereturnedwithcocoaandsethercupdownontheporchbesideher.Softlightfromthekitchenshowedmarshmallowinhers.
Hesippedwhisky,asmallmeasure.“Therewasastormonce.Badone.Isatrighthereandwatchedlightningcrossourland.Ithoughtaboutthedevil,Isawhisfaceinthesky,serpenttonguelashingoutlikethat.Thebarnburned.”
Shehadseenanacreoutwherenothinggrew,justthesootshapeofwhathadoncestood.
“Thegray.Hermotherwasinthere.”
Duchesslookedoverathim,gratefulforthedarksothathecouldnotseethepanicinhereyes.
“Icouldn’tgetherout.”
Shebreathedinthatmoment,knewwellaboutthehauntofmemory.
“Wehadstormssometimes,”shesaid.“Backhome.”
“IthinkofCapeHavenoften.Iprayedforyourmother,foryouandRobin.”
“Youdon’tbelieveinGod.”
“Neitherdoyou,butIknowyougototheclearingandyoukneel.”
“Justaplacetothink.”
“Everyoneneedsone.Thestoreroom,theguns,that’swhereIgotomullthings.IsitdownthereandIshutouttheworldandIfocusonwhatmatters.”Heglancedover.“Iwrotetohim.”
“Who?”
“VincentKing.OvertheyearsIwrotehimletterafterletter.AndI’mnotawriter.”
“Why?”
Heblewsmoketowardthemoon.“That’sabigquestion.”
Sherubbedhereyes.
“Youshouldgotobed.”
“Mysleeppatternsarenoneofyourconcern.”
Hesethisglassdown.“AtfirstIwasn’tgoingtosendthem.Just,afterSissy,andthenallthathappenedwithyourmotherandyourgrandmother.Iwantedanoutlet,maybe.ButthenIthoughtwhyshouldn’theknow.Maybehethoughthe’druinedhislife.Iwantedhimtoknowaboutours.Maybehehadavisionofme,retiredhere,sittingonbeautifulacres.Itoldhimaboutthework,aboutthedebt,thebillsandlivingunderthatkindofweight.”
“Didhewriteback?”
“Hedid.Atfirstitwasallsorrow.Iknowitwasanaccident…Idoknowthat.Butthatdoesn’treallymeananything.”
Shepickeduphercocoaandspoonedthemarshmallowintohermouth.Itwastoosweetthen,catchingherout,likeshe’dforgottenthegoodthings.
“Iwentthere,tohisparolehearings.Iwenttoeachone.Hecould’veservedless.Hewouldhavegotoutwithhisbestyearsstillahead.”
“Sohowcomehedidn’t?Walknevertoldme.Ijustfiguredhegotinshit,inthatplace,hedidbadthings.”
“Hedidn’t.Cuddy,thewarden,hespokeupeachtime.ButVincentdeclinedalawyer.Walkwastheretoo,sameeverytime.AndwebothsaweachotherbutIneversaidanythingtohim.BecausethatwasWalk’sfriendupthere,closelikebrothers.Irememberthatbackthen.Thickasthieves,ofcourseVincentdidthethievingbutWalkalwaysbackedhim.”
DuchesstriedtoseeWalkasaboy,asVincentKing’sbestfriend.InsteadshesawWalkinhisuniform,neveroutofit,notsincesheremembered.Hewasallcop,andVincentwasallbad.
“Towardtheendofthehearingthey’dalwaysaskthatsamequestion.Ifyougetout,areyoulikelytobreakthelawagain?”
“WhatdidVincentsay?”
“He’dmeetmyeye,andhe’dsayyes,hewould.Hewasadangertothepeople.”
Maybehethoughtitwassomethingnoble,toservethewholeterm,penancelikethat,smallrecompensebutintentwaseverything.Butnow,knowingwhatshedid,hewastellingitstraight.Vincentwasadanger.
“Thatpain.Losingyourmother,losingmydaughter,mywife,allthatwasevergoodforme.Iknowitall.Ididn’tthinkI’dgetthroughit.”
“Sohowdidyou?”
“Icamehere.Itookitbacktobreathing.Montanaisgoodforthat.Youmightseethatoneday.”
“Starsaidthere’scorrelationbetweensufferingandsin.”
Hesmiled,likehecouldhearthewordsdirectfromhisdaughter’smouth.
“WhatwasSissylike?”
Hestubbedhiscigar.“Deathhasawayofmakingsaintsoutofmortals.Butwithchildren…thereisnobad.Shewassmallandbeautifulandperfect.Likeyourmotherwas.LikeRobinis.”
Heknewbetterthantomentionher.
“Shelikedtopaint.ShecriedduringfourthofJulyfireworks.Sheatecarrotsbutnothinggreen.Shedotedonyourmother.”
“Ilooklikeher.Isawthephoto.MeandStarandSissy.”
“Youdo.Beautifullikethat.”
Sheswallowed.“Starsaidyouwerehard.Shesaidtherewasnothingsoftaboutyou,notafter.Shesaidyouwereadrunk.Shesaidyoudidn’tgotomygrandmother’sfuneral.”
“Webeginattheend,Duchess.”
“Ifyouthoughtthatyou’dbealright.You’refullofshit.”Shespokequietlyandwithoutmalice.“Areallthethingsshetoldmetrue?”
“Iamaconstantdisappointmenttomyself.”
“Iknowthere’smore.Whyyoudidn’tcomeback,whyshewouldn’tletyouseeus.Whatdidyoudo?”
Heswallowed.“Afewyearsafter.Imean…Iheardtalkofparoleafterfive.Forwhathedid.MySissy.”
Sheheardthehurtthere,alifetimelateranditwasstillsopresent.
“MaybeIdiddrinktoomuch.Someonecame.Hehadabrotherinthere,FairmontCounty,withVincent.Hemadeanoffer.Hecouldmakeitgoaway,rightthewrong.Itwasn’tevenalotofmoney.I…ifIcouldhavemytimeover,wouldIhavebeenstrongerandtoldhimno?”
“ThemanVincentkilledinFairmont.Itwasself-defense.”
“Itwas.”
Shetookalongbreath,hiswordssoweightedshecouldnotformaresponse.
“Yourmotherfoundout.Andthatwasit.Allandeverything.Asingleactonadistantnightandherewearebecauseofit.”
Shedrankhercocoaandthoughtofhermother.ShesearchedforamemorythatmightwarmthenightbutfoundnothingbutthewhiteofStar’seyes.
“Isthatwhyyougotochurch?”
“Understandingforwhatwehavedoneandmightdo.”
Whenshewasdoneshestood.Shefelttired,thoughtofDarkecomingandlookedattheoldmanandtheshotgun.
Atthedoorsheturned.“Vincent.Attheparolehearings.Whydoyouthinkhedidthat?”
HallookedupatherandshesawRobininhiseyes.
“They’dleadhimoff,andWalkwouldlookatCuddyliketheycouldn’tmakesenseofit.Buthewroteme.Hetriedtotellme.”
Shestaredathim.
“Afterthatnight,afterwhathedid,heknewnoneofuswouldfindfreedomagain.”
***
TheystoodoutsidetheoldRadleyhouse.FromthemoonlightthatfellWalkcouldjustaboutmakeoutMartha,theshapeofherface,smallnose,hairjustpasthershoulders.Hesmelledherperfume,somethinglight.Theyheldflashlightsandbothflickedthemon.
Walkhadtherecord,thetimeVincentmadethecallandthecoroner’sestimateoftimeofdeath.Theycouldbeaccurate,DuchesshadriddenherbicycletothegasstationonPensacola,Walkknewshestucktothemainroads,despitetherisk,soittookherforty-fiveminutes.ThatgaveVincentaroundfifteenminutestolosethegun.Theyhadtoworktheassumptionhewasthekiller,andthatassumptionhadkeptWalkawakethenightbefore.
“We’llheadeverydirectionhecouldhavegone.”
Marthahadastopwatch.They’dallowforthefacthecould’verun,sprintedthereandback,thoughWalkdidn’trecallifthemanappearedoutofbreath,orsweating,butthenWalkcouldn’trecallmuchofthedetailofthatnight,asidefromStar’sface,whichheknewhe’dcarryfortherestofhislife.Thememoryloss,itwascreepingonhim.He’dtakentomakingnotes,pretendinghewaswritingupwhenreallyhewasjustkeepingcheck.Theorderofhisday,thetimehetookpills,henoteditallnow.
TheystartedoutintoStar’sbackyard,steppedoverthebrokenfence,whichhadbeenthereaslongasWalkcouldremember.Intolightwoodland,justacopsethatseparatedIvyRanchfromNewtonAvenue.Theyweremethodical,everywalkway,everytreeandbushandclusterofflowers.Theycheckeddrains;knewBoydandhismenanddogshadalreadyrunthesameroutesbutWalkwashopingforsomethingmore,somethingonlyalocalwouldnotice.HeclosedhiseyesandputhimselfintoVincent’sshoes.
Theywalkedsevenroutes,someslightdeviationsfromthelast.Theygotnowhereatall.
“Hedidn’thaveit.Ifhehadwewould’vefoundit,ormorelikelyBoydwouldhave.”
“It’saholeintheircase.Abigone,”Marthasaid.“TheD.A.willbepissed.”
TheyfoundtheirwaybacktotheRadleyhouseandstoodonthesidewalk.
Shereachedoutandgraspedhishand.Hewasclosetobreaking.Everywayheturned,hecouldn’tfigureit.He’dlostDarke,triedhiscelloverandoverandleftsomanymessageshefilledupthemailbox.
Hefeltit.DarkekilledStarandpinnedtheblameonVincentKinginordertogethishandsonthehousethatwouldsavehisempireandmakehisfortune.Itwasflawed,butthat’sallhehadtoworkon.Asforthegirl,hetookcomfortinthefactthatHalwasaghost,Radleylandwasburied,thekidsweresafeupthere.
AttheendofNewtonsheledhimdowntheneighbor’sdrivewayandthenhoppedalowfence,hiddenbythickbarberry.
“Youstillknowalltheshortcuts,”Walksaid.
“Starshowedmethatone.”
Twentyminutesandtheywerebytheoldwishingtree,starsovertheocean,thetoweratLittleBrooklikeanabandonedlighthouse.
“Ican’tbelieveit’sstillhere.Yourememberweusedtomakeoutunderthistree.”
Helaughed.“Iremembereverything.”
“Younevercouldunhookmybra.”
“OnetimeIdid.”
“No.Iunhookeditbefore,letyouhaveyourmoment.”
Shesatdown,thenreachedupandpulledhimdownbesideher.Togethertheyleanedbackagainstthewideoakandlookedupatthestars.
“IneversaidIwassorry,”shesaid.
“Forwhat?”
“Leavingyou.”
“Itwasalongtimeago.Wewerekids.”
“Weweren’t,Walk.Notaccordingtothejudge.Doyouthinkaboutit?”
“What?”
“Me.Pregnant.Ababy.”
“Everyday.”
“Hedidn’tgetoverit,myfather.Hewasn’tallbad.It’sjust…hethoughthewasdoingrightbyme.”
“AndwrongbyGod.”
Shesaidnothingforawhile.Thelightsofaboatdrifted,movingwiththetide
“Youdidn’tmarry,”shesaid.
“Ofcoursenot.”
Shelaughedgently.“Wewerefifteen.”
“ButIknewit.”
“That’swhatIlovedaboutyou.Thatpurebelief,ingoodandbadandlove.Youneversaidanything,aboutmyfather,aboutwhathedid.Younevertoldanyone.EventhoughIleftyoubehind,andStarwenttoanotherschoolanditwasjustyou,andthisthing.ThisgiantfuckingsickeningthingthatVincentdid.”
Walkswallowed.“Ijustwantedyoualltobehappy.”
Thatlaughagain,nothingaboutitwaspitying.
“Ididseeyou,”hesaid.“Maybeayearafter.AtthemallinClearwaterCove.Iwaswithmymother,andyouwerestandinginlineoutsidethemovietheater.”
Shewasquietbeforeitcametoher.“DavidRowen.Justaboy.Itdidn’tmeananything.”
“Oh,Iknowthat.Ididn’tmeanbecauseofthat.Ijust,youlookedhappy,Martha.AndIthoughtaboutthatboy,andhedidn’tknow,right.Hedidn’tknowwhatweallwentthrough,andIthoughtthatmust’vebeenalright.Youcouldjust…itwasn’ttherebetweenyou.Youdidn’thavetosharethatthing.Youcouldjust…be.”
Shecried.
Heheldherhand.
26
ASWINTERARRIVEDRADLEYLANDfrozeandtheskywhitenedwithlightsnows.
RobinlayflatonhisbackandwatcheditsolongDuchesshadtodraghiminwhenhisfingersturnedwhite.Thefieldworkeasedbuttheanimalsstillneededtending.Thegrayandtheblackworecoatsastheygrazed.Duchessbegantotakethegrayouteachmorningalone,saddlingheratfirstlightandfollowingtracksshebegantolearnwell.ShetookenjoymentfromtheMontanaquiet,sothickitwasasifGodhadlaiddownablanketoverthewoodlandandsmotheredallbuttheloudestchickadees.
TheywatchedoutforDarke,Halsittingtilllateeachnight,adeerstalkerandblanketandtheshotgunbyhisfeet.SomenightsDuchesswokeandwenttothewindow,sawhimdowntherethenpromptlyfellbackintodeepsleep.Othernightsshewentdownandhefixedcocoa.Theywouldsit,mostlyinsilence,butsometimessheallowedhimtotellherstoriesofBillyBlue,sodazzlinganddetailedshewonderediftheoldmanmadethemuphimself.Onenightshefellasleeponhisshoulder,thenwokeinherbed,thecoverpulleduptight.
ShespentweekendswithThomasNobleandRobin,trampingwhitewoods,givingthemaheadstartthentrackingtheirbootprints.Thecoldwascrispandfreshandbroughtclaritytoherwanderingmind.ShethoughtlessaboutCapeHavenanditsunchangingseasons,andmoreaboutMontanaand,occasionally,thefuture.Shechosememoriesofhermotherwithgreatcare,seekingonlythediamondsamongstamountainofcoal.
Hergradesimproved,shesatatthebackandgotonwithherschoolwork,draftingIndiansandsettlersandmakingthemlivethroughherwriting.ShesentWalkaphotoofRadleyland,takenfromthewindowinherbedroomthedaytheywoketothicksnow.ShewentwithHalintotowneachSaturdaymorning,theydidthegroceryshoppingthenheadedtoCherry’stodrinkcocoaandeatdonuts.MostdaysDollywasthereandtheysatandtalkedwithher.Bill’shealthhadworsenedandbeneathDolly’sfaultlessfaceDuchesssawcracksbeginningtosnakeinashowofprescientmourningthatleftherfretfulafter.
TheydroveuptoHambyLake,thewatersodeepitmight’vebeenanocean.Halrentedaboat,cuttingcrystalwaterastheydriftedandfished,thesunstealingthecoldawayforanafternoonasclosetoperfectasDuchesscouldallowherselftoimagine.Robinpulledoutadecentrainbowtrout,thencriedtillHalthrewitback.
ThomasNoblespokeofthewinterdanceoften.Somedaysshemerelytoldhimtofuckoff,otherssheaccusedhimofplottingtospikethepunchthendowickedthingsonceshehadpassedoutcold.Shecalledhimasexualpredatorandhescratchedhisheadandpushedhisframesuphisnose.
ThefirstdayofDecemberhebroughtherabunchofbluebellshe’dbeensaving.Longdead,asorrysightbutthesentimentwasthere.Hebikedthefourmilesthroughicyroadsanduptheircarpeteddriveway.Bythetimehearrivedmildfrostbitehadsetinandhewasseeingstars.Halsathiminfrontofthefiretillhethawed.
“Iwon’tdancewithyou,”shesaidastheywatchedtheflames.“Iwon’tkissyouorhugyou.Iwon’tholdyourgoodhand.Iwon’tdressprettyandImaynotevenspeaktoyouformostofthenight.”
“Okay,”hesaid,aslightchatterinhisteeth.
FromthedoorwayshesawHalandRobinsmilingandsheflippedthemoff.
ThenextSunday,afterchurch,HaldrovethemtothestripmallinBriarstown.Tenstoresinaneatrow,fromSubwaytoCashAdvance.Shefoundwomen’sclothinginaplacecalledCally’s.Sherifledthroughrailsofpolyester,heldasequinedgowntothelightandsawitbaldinatleastfiveplaces.“It’slikebeinginParis.”
Halpointedtoayellowdressandsheaskedhimwhatthefuckheknewaboutfashion.Shepointedtohisbootsandfadedjeans,hisplaidshirtandwidehatanddeclaredhimascarecrow.
Theycircledthestorethreetimes.Robinbroughtovergaudyfinds,beamingasheheldthemagainstherthenrunningoffwhensheaskedhimifhewantedhissistertodresslikeaneightiesstreetwalker.
Callyherselfcameout,readthemoodandretreatedtothecounter.Sheworeabeehiveandplatformsandhidtwentysurpluspoundsbeneathawidebelt.Halsmiledatherandshereturnedasmileinsympathy.
Duchessfounditattheback,stoppedstillandstared.Then,slowly,shereachedoutandpickeditup.Sheplacedthehatonherheadandfeltherstomachflip,hermindonBillyBlue,herblood.Herplace.
Itwasathingofbeauty,leatherstuds,brimjustright,thekindofhatanoutlawwouldkillfor.
Halappearedbehind.“Suitsyou.”
Shetookitoffandcheckedthetag.“Jesus.”
“Stetson,”Halsaid,likethatexplainedtheeye-wateringprice.
Shewouldnotaskforit.Itwastoofancy,butstill,sheglancedbacklonginglyasshewalkedbacktothedresses.
“It’llhavetobethispieceofshitthen.”Shesnatchedtheyellowdressfromtherail.
Halmadetospeak,totellherthatwastheverydresshe’dpickedoutnearanhourago.Sheglaredandhethoughtbetterofit.
***
Cuddysetupthemeet.AburgerjointjustsouthofBitterwater,Bill’s,allfadingredpaintandairofgoingoutofbusiness,handwrittensignstoldofthree-dollarspecials.Itwasempty,Walkrolleddownthewindowasheheadedtothedrive-thru.
Theguywasold,Hispanic,hairnetandapronandfurrowedbrow,thekindofoldmanthattookshitfrompunkkidsthenpickeduptheirtrashlikeatip.Walkcheckedthenametag,“Luis”
LuisclockedWalk,thenpointedtothelot.
Walkdroveoverandparked,gotoutandsatonthehood.Tenminutestillhecame,stoopedwalk,shufflingfeet.
“Ionlygotfiveminutesbreak,”Luissaid.
“Thankyouformeetingme.”
“AnyfriendofCuddy.”
LuishadoccupiedthecellbesideVincent’sforeightyears.Armedrobbery,thelastinalonglineofcrimes.Tattoosonhisarmspokeofaffiliation,Walkguessedhewaslongpastallthatnow.
“YouaskandIanswer.AndthenIgeton.Thebossman,hedoesn’tlikecopsaroundhisjoint.”
“Fairenough.TellmeaboutVincentKing.”
Luislitacigarette,kepthisbacktothewindowsandfannedthesmokeasheblewit.“TheonlyguyIevermetwhodidn’tsayhewassetup.”
Walklaughed.
“Serious.Hedidn’tsaymuchofanything.”
“Hedidn’thavefriendsinthere.”
“No.NotVincent.Hedidn’teventakehisyardtime,man.Andthepuddingcups.”
“Excuseme?”
“Pudding.Thefoodisdogshit,thepuddingisn’t.Iseenamangetstabbedforhispuddingcup.Vincentgavemehiseveryday.”
Walkwonderedwhattodowiththatone.
“Youdon’tgetit,cop.Heatejustenough.Hesaidjustenough.Shit,hebreathedjustenough.”
“Enoughtowhat?”
“Stayalive.Noexistencebeyondthefundamental.Hestayedalivetoservehistime.Andhemadefuckingsureitwastheworsttimehecouldserve.NoTV,radio.Nonothing.Would’vespenthistimeinsolitaryifCuddyhadlethim.”
Luisheldthesmokedeep.
“Hehadtroubleinthere,”Walksaid.
“Everyonedoesatsomepoint.Hehadagirl,right?Outside.Otherstalkedabouther,maybethatwashisweakness.Maybethinkingofherwithsomeoneelse.Jealousy,Itellyou,insideit’lldriveamancrazy.Hedealtwithitwellenough,madesureotherslefthimbeafter.”
“Buttheystillcameforhim.I’veseenthescars.”
“Theonlyenemythatguyhadwashimself.”
“Howdoyoumean?”
“Heaskedmetogethimablade.Nobigdeal.Ifiguredhewantedtosettleupwithsomeone.”
“Hedidn’t?”
“SamedayIgaveittohimIheardtheguardshollering.Ain’tunusual,butthiswasVincent’scellsoIwentuptosee.”
“And?”
Walkwatchedhiscolordrain.
“Messy,man.Cuthimselftoribbons.Deep,seriouscuts.Hedidn’thitthearteries.Hedidn’twanttodie,justtosuffer.”
Walkletthatsitawhile,foundhimselfunabletospeak,throattightlikehecouldbarelybreathe.
“Wedone?”
“Ineedacharacterreferenceforhim.”
“Youwon’tfindnoone.BecausenooneknowsVincent.”Luisdroppedhiscigarette,stubbeditoutthenbentandpickedupthebutt.HewinkedatWalk,extendedahandandtuttedwhenWalkwenttoshakeit.
Finally,WalkpulledoutatwentyandLuistookit.
27
DOLLYSHOWEDATTHEIRDOOR,ladenwithabigbox.ShewastheretocollectRobin,hewouldspendthenightatherplaceasHalsaidhe’dkeepfreeincaseMrs.Noblecouldn’tcollectthemafterthedance.Alwayslookingout,worrying.
SheledDuchessuptothebedroomandopenedtheboxtoastartlingarrayofmakeupandperfumes.
“Don’tmakemelooklikeawhore.”
“Ican’tmakeanypromises,sweetheart.”
Duchesssmiledatthat.
Anhourlaterandshewalkeddownthestairs,herhairexpertlycurledandherlipsshiningpink.SheworeanewbowandnewshoesthatCallyhadhelpedpickout.She’dgainedalittlemoreweight,nolongersoskeletal,hermusclestightfromthework.
ShesawHalwearingsomethinglikeprideonhisfacesoshetoldhimtoshutthefuckupbeforehecouldsayaword.
“Beautiful,”Robinmarveled.“YoulookjustlikeMom.”
***
TheytailedDollyandRobintilltheyturnedoffatAvoca.Snowfelllightlybuttheroadsweresalted.Dolly’splacewasbig,fancyandlitwithwarmwindowlight.She’daskedafterBill.Dollysaidhedidn’thavethegoodsensetogiveup.
Theypassedasignblinking,DRIVESLOW
“Younervous?”Halsaid.
“Aboutgettingpregnanttonight?Nah,whatwillbewillbe.”
TheyturnedontoCarlton.
“I’mworriedaboutRobin,”shesaid.
Heglancedover.
“Whatheknowsaboutthatnight.It’s…it’snotbackbut,Idon’tknow.Hedreamsaboutit.Ithinkmaybehehearditall.”
“Thenwe’lldealwithit.”
“Justlikethat?”
“Yes.Thatsoundalright?”
Shenodded.
TheymadetheturnontoHighwoodDrive.
“Shit.”
“What?”Andthenhesaw,andhetriednottosmilebutlostthebattlefully.
ThepathtotheNoblehouse,sweptofsnowbutlinedwithrosepetals.
“Fuckingshootmenow.”
Atthewindowshesawhim,facepressedtotheglasslikeRobinwaitingonChristmas.
“He’swearingafuckingbowtie.Helookslikeamagician.”
Halbroughtthetrucktoastop.ThestreetdooropenedandMrs.Noblestoodthere,camerainhand.BehindherwasMr.Noble,andheheldavideocamera,sobigitmountedonhisshoulderandthrewoutablindingspotlight.
“Turnback.NowayI’mwalkingintothatfreakshow.”
“It’salright.Maybedoitforthem,justonce.”
“Aselflessact.”
“I’llbewaitingup.Youcallmeifthere’saproblem.”
Shetookadeepbreath,thenreachedforthemirrorandfussedwithherbow.
“Youhaveagoodtimetonight.”
“Iwon’t.”
Sheopenedthedoorandthecoldmether.“Mydressisplain.Notliketheothergirls.”
“Sincewhendoyouwanttobelikethem?You’reanoutlaw.”
“I’manoutlaw.”Shesteppedintothesnow.
Hefiredtheengineandasshemovedtoshutthedoorshecalled,“Hal.”
“Yes,Duchess.”
Shemethiseye,helookedoldthen,capablebutsheknewthetollanditscost.Shethoughtofhermother,ofSissy.
“I’mnotsorry,foreverythingI’vesaidtoyou.”Sheswallowed.“Ijust…”
“It’salright.”
“It’snot.ButIthinkonedayitmightbe.”
“Yougoonnow.Tryandhavefun.Smileforthecameras.Bothofthem.”
Sheflippedhimoffbutaddedasmiletoit.
TheglitterballspunandDuchesswatchedlightshardsoverthecrowd.ThethemewasWonderlandandshestaredatthecottonsnowandfrostedflowers.Abovethemballoonshunginwhiteandblue,paintedstarsandcardboardtreescircledadancefloormadetolooklikeice.
Shefiddledwithhercorsage.“Ititches.DidyoufinditinaDumpster?”
“Mymotherpickeditup.”
Theyhungattheback.Shesawgirlsinfancydressesandheels,teetering.Shesaidasilentprayertheywouldfall.
ThomasNobleworeadinnersuit,asizetoobigsohisbadhandwithdrewintothecuff.Drapedbehindwasasilkcape,sofantasticallybizarreshecouldnottearhereyesfromit.
“Myfathersaidagentlemanalwayssportsacapetoaformalevent.”
“Yourfatherisahundredandfiftyyearsold.”
“He’sstillgotmoves.Ihavetogointhebackyardwhentheymakelovebecausethenoiseisdeafening.”
Shestaredathim,suitablyhorrified.
ThemusicstartedupandDuchesswatchedagroupofgirlsrunatthedancefloor.
ThomasNoblefetchedthemajuiceandtheyfoundseatsatatablebyaheart-shapedstageandphotographer.
“Thanksforcomingwithme.”
“Youalreadysaidthateighteentimes.”
“Youwantcake?”
“No.”
“Howaboutsomepotatochips?”
“No.”
Theyplayedsomethingfast.JacobListonclearedaspaceandbrokeouthisbestmoveswhilethegirlhewaswithclappedawkwardly.
Duchessfrowned.“Ithinkhemightbehavingafit.”
Thesongswitchedtosomethingslow,thefloorthinned.
“Youwantto—”
“Don’tmakemesayitagain.”
“Nicesuit,ThomasNoble.”BillyRyleandChuckSullivan.“Atleastithideshiscripplehand.”Laughter.
ThomasNoblesippedhisjuiceandkepthiseyesonthedancefloor.
Shereachedoverandtookhisbadhand.“Dancewithme.”
AstheypassedsheleanedoverandsaidsomethingtoBilly.Hemovedawayquick.
“Keepyourhandsawayfrommyass,”shesaid,astheyreachedthefloor.
“WhatdidyousaytoBilly?”
“Itoldhimyouhadaten-inchcock.”
Heshrugged.“That’saquarter-truth.”
Shelaughed,somuchandsohardshe’dforgottenhowgooditfelt.
Sheheldhim.“Shit,ThomasNoble.Icanfeeleveryrib.”
“Andthat’sinclothes.Youwouldn’twanttoseemetopless.”
“Icanimagine.Ioncesawadocumentaryaboutfamine.”
“I’mgladyoucamehere.”
“Youworemedownwithrelentlesspressure.Yourfatherwouldbeproud.”
TheybumpedintoJacobListonandhisdate.Jacobwaswrigglinglikeheneededtopiss.Duchessshothisdateacompassionatesmile.
“Imeanhere.Montana.I’mgladyoucametostay.”
“Why?”
“Ijust—”Hestoppedmovingandforawretchedmomentshethoughthemighttryandkissher.“Ijustnevermetanoutlawbefore.”
Shesteppedalittlecloserandmovedwithhim.
***
Walksatinhisoffice,blindsdrawnbuttownlightscutthedark.Hecradledthephoneonhisshoulder,madenotesashespoketoHal.Herestedhisfeetonastackofpapers,sawhistrayfittoburst.He’dgettoitall,themessbotheredeveryonebuthim.
Hecheckedineachweek,sametimeonaFridaynight.
Itwasusuallyquick,acatchupabouthowtheboywasdoingalright,stillseeingtheshrink.Andthenontothegirl.Sometimesthey’dspeakfiveminutes,justlongenoughforHaltotellofsomethingbadshe’ddone,andhowhe’dhadtocheckhislaughtertillhewasdonebeingpissed.Walkknewthatactwell.
“It’sslow,”Halsaid.“WithDuchessit’sslow,butshe’sgettingbetter.It’sgettingbetter.”
“That’sgood.”
“Tonightshe’sattheschooldance.”
“Waitaminute.Duchessisatadance?”
“It’sthewinterformal.Theygoallout.ThewholeofEvergreenMiddleislitup,youcanseethespotlightfromColdCreek.”
Walkallowedhimselfasmile.Thegirlwasdoingalright.Againsttheodds,andtheywerestacked,shewaslivingalife.
“AndRobin.Ithinkhe’sstartingtoremember.”
Walkdroppedhisfeetdownagainandpressedthereceiversotighthecouldheartheoldmanbreathing.
“Nothingconcrete.”
“Didhementionanynames?Darke?”
Halmusthaveheardthedesperationtherebecausehespokethenextlinessoftly.“Nothingconcrete,Walk.Ithinkhe’sslowlyopeninghimselftothefactthathemighthavebeentherewhenhismotherwasmurdered.Theshrinkisgood,shedoesn’taskorpryortryandguidehimanyplaceatall.”
“Partofmehopeshedoesn’tremember.”
“Isaidthattoher.Shetoldmetherewasadecentchanceheneverwould.”
“Ithinkaboutallofyouupthere.”
“Iwatchoutforhim.ThisDarke.WhenshesawthecarIthoughthemight’vecome,likeshealwayssaid.”
“Andnow?”
“I’mstillwaiting.Shootfirstaskquestionslater.”
Walksmiledatiredsmile.Sleeplessnightshadtakentheirtoll,wrestlinghisthoughtstothegroundandpoundingthemcleanoutofhishead.Somedayshefoundhimselfonastretchofhighwayandcleanforgotwherehewassupposedtobeheading.
“Goodnight,Hal.Youtakecare.”
Hereplacedthereceiverandyawned.Normallyhewassobeathe’dheadrighthome,drinkasolebeerandwatchedESPNtillsleepfoundhim.ButrightthenhegottheoverwhelmingurgetoseeMartha,noteventotalk,justnotsitthenightalone.
Hepickedupthephone,startedtodialthenkilledit.Hewasfullyawareofwhathewasdoing,graduallyslidingintoalifehehadnorighttointerferewith.Itwascold,nomatterhowhefelt,itwasacoldandcruelthingtodo.Whenshesawhimsherememberedthedarkestpartofherlife,andshealwayswould.
Hewalkeddownthehallwayslowly,thestationindarkness.
“Leah,Ididn’tknowyouwerestillhere.”
Shelookedup,tired,notevenasmile.“Overtime,right.Someone’sgottosortthefilingsystemout.It’lltakemethenextmonth,evenworkingthroughthenight.”
“Youneedahand?”
“No,yougeton.Doesn’tmatterifI’mhereallnight,Edwouldn’tevennotice.”
Hewenttosaysomething,wasn’tsurewhat,butthensheturnedawayandwentbacktowork.
Heheadedout,thinkingofDuchessDayRadleyataschooldance,andsmilinghiswayintothewarmevening.
***
Thesnow,likethetalk,worsenedastheydrove.Mrs.NobleaskedThomasaboutthedance.Hetoldheritwasthebestnightofhislife.
Duchesswatchedsnowbuildonthefarmlandbeside,usuallylosttothedarkshecouldseeamileouttomountains.
WhentheyreachedRadleylandMrs.Noblewenttoturnbutthedrivewaywasdeepnow.Halcouldn’tkeepontopofit,itwastoolongandthesnowfelltoofast
“Icanwalkitfromhere.”
“Yousure,honey?I’dtakearunatitbutIthinkwemightgetstuckthenight.”
“Halwillbeontheporch.He’llseeyourlightsandstartwalkingdown.Yougeton.”
Sheclimbedoutquickandsetoffupthedriveway,beforeMrs.NobleorThomascouldgetoutandtrytofollow.
Halfway,sheturnedandwavedandwatchedthemtraillightintothedistance.
Shetrudgedthesnow,liftinghernewshoeshighateachstep.Gumtreesstood,branchesweighedundersnow,arcofwhitelikeshewaswalkingthroughaweddingarch.Free,shefacedthesky,theturningsnowflakes,thebeautyalmosttoomuchtotake.ShethoughtofRobinandhowtheywouldspendtheirweekend,fanned-outangelsandsnowmenastallastheirgrandfather.
Whensheclearedthereachingtreesmoonlightgracedtheoldfarmhouseandshesmiledwithoutknowingwhy.Inthedistancelightburnedinthekitchen.
Shetookanotherstepandthenstoppeddead.
Printsinthesnow,almostcoveredbutstilltheyremained.
Footprints.
Bigprints.
Thefirsttimethatnightshefeltthecold,thereal,truebiteofMontanacold
“Hal,”shesaid,quiet.
Shepickedupherpacealittle,herheartbeginningtorace.Somethingwaswrong.Shecouldfeelit.
Andthenshesawhim.
Andshecalmed.
Hewassatonthebench,thegunbyhisfeet.
Whenshereachedtheporchshewaved,smiledwide,thenclimbedthesteps.She’dtellhimabouthernight,justhowbaditwas.
Butthenshesawhisface,pale,tight,sweatbyhishead.
Laboredbreaths,butstill,hetriedtosmileforher.
Sheapproachedslow,andthen,withgreatcare,shepulledtheblanketfromhim.
Andthat’swhenshesawtheblood.
“Ohfuck,Hal,”shewhispered.
Hekeptahandpressedtohisstomach,buttheblooddrainedfastandsteady.
“Igothim,”Halsaid.
Heofferedonehandtoherashislifeemptied.Shetookit,hisbloodtoherlikesomefataldisease.
Sheletgoandranforthephoneinthekitchen.IverCountyPDonspeeddial,shetoldallshecould.
SheleftprintsofHal’sbloodonthereceiver.Shefetchedwhiskyfromthecabinetandranbackout.
“Fuck.”Sheputthebottletohislips.
Hecoughed,thebloodtherenow.
“Igothim,Duchess.HeranbutIgothim.”
“Don’ttalk.Peoplearecoming,peoplewhoknowwhattodo.”
Hewatchedher.“You’reanoutlaw.”
“Iam,”shesaid,hervoicebreaking.
“Youmakemeproud.”
Sheclutchedhishandtight,pressedherheadtohis,closedhereyesandheldhertearsback.“Fuck,”sheyelledit.Shehithisarm,hischest,slappedhischeekhard.“Grandpa.Wakeup.”
Shelookeddownatthebloodonhernewyellowdress,andthendownatthesnow,wherefootprintsledhereyestowhitefields.
Shekneltoncemore.“Webeginattheend.”Shetooktheshotgunfrombesidehim.
Shenolongerfeltthebitingcold,nolongernoticedthefullestmoon.Shedidnotseestarsortheredbarnsorthefrozenwater.
Atthestableshesaddledthegrayandledherfromherplace.
Shepulledherselfupwithonehand,theshotgunintheother,andshesnappedthereinsastheyranaftertheprints.
Shecursedherself,complacent,thewayshehadfallenintothepromiseofanewlife.Sherememberedtheanger,thehottwistinganger.
Shetoldherselfwhoshewas.
DuchessDayRadley.
Outlaw.
PartThree
Restitution
28
HEMADETHEDRIVEFROMdaytonight,highbeams,blinkingwildflower,Mojavenothingbutmorphingshapes.
RouteFifteen,thelightsofLasVegas,dazzlinglikesomegrandaliencrafthadfallenfromthesky.
Risingbillboards,styledmagicianswitheyebrowsarchedandagingstarletstakingtheirbackcatalogallthewaytothebank.
Hewatcheditfadeintherearviewandbeforelongitwaslikeithadneverbeen.HeskirtedtheValleyofFire,BeaverDamandtheeternalshadowoftheCanyonbehind.Motellightsandgasstationsandahighwaythatemptiedasthehoursdrifted.
CedarCity,hestoppedatanall-nightdiner,historicdowntowninIronCounty,mostlysleeping.Hesatataboothandlistenedtoacoupleguystalkabout“Clarke’ssendoff.”Hecouldn’tfigureoutifClarkewasdeadorgettingmarried
Herubbedhiseyestosigns,POCATELLOandBLACKFOOT,IDAHOFALLS
AsCaribou-Targheecametoviewhesawthefirstblueinathousandmilesofblack.Heslowedon87andwatchedthesunrisebyHenrysLake,thewatersomanyrefractedcolorsherubbedhiseyesoncemore.
ThefirstsnowatThreeForks,whitefieldsrantowhitesky.Heclosedthewindowandblewtheheaterbutdidnotfeelthecoldnortheheat.
WhenIverCountyPDcalled,Walkhadbeenhome,laidup,somekindofpalsygrippedhimsotighthealmostcouldnotreachthephone.Butthenafter,whenthecophungupheslammedthereceiverdownagainandagainuntilitbrokeapart.Thenhe’dheavedthecontentsofhisdeskontothecarpet,kickedhiscomputerscreenuntilitcracked.Andthen,slowly,he’dcleareditallupagain.
Anyillusion,thepostcards,FridaynightcallswithHal,anyillusionthegirlandtheboymightyetgettheirdeservedlifehaddiedsuchacoldandfinaldeaththatWalkdidnotspeaktoanyoneforthreedays.Hehadtakenleave,vacationtimebackdatedadecade,gotthemsoworriedLouannehadstoppedbyandhammeredonhisdoor.Hedidnotanswer.NordidheanswerMartha’scalls.
Hespentthefirstdayinhisapartment,Darke’slifemappedoutonthewallbehindhistelevisionsetsohecouldnevergetthemanfromhismind.HechasedleadssooldthenumbersdidnotconnectoriftheydidhereachedconfusedpeoplethathadnotheardDarke’snameintwentyyears.Hetrieddrinking,abottleofJimBeam,madeitaquarterwaythroughbeforehegaveup.Hismeds,withthealcohol,justmadehimdrowsy.Helongedforamistake,areasonhecouldcarrytheblameonhisshouldersandsinkdowndeep,butagainhefoundnothing.Itwasacruelhandoffate,anothinganomaly.Darkemadeachoiceandsawitthrough.Andtheycouldstillnotpinathingonhim.Nowitness.Snowburiedblood.They’dputoutallpoints,blockedtheonlyroads,sentateaminasdeepastheycould.IverCountyworkedthetheorythekillerwasdead,buriedinatomboficesomewhereamongstthewoodland,likelytornapartbytheanimalsoncehethawed.
Walkreturnedtothestationandgoton.Hewroteuproutineviolations,stoppedbyroutineelementaryschoolsandworkedroutineshifts,fourdaysandonenight.
Marthastoppedby,uninvited,andwhenhetoldhershepressedahandtohermouthlikeshewantedtoscream.IfWalkwasbrokenbefore,whathappenedinMontanascatteredthepiecessofarandwidehegaveupallhopeofbeingwholeagain.
HevisitedVincent,satinthehotwaitingroomforthreehoursincaseVincentchangedhismindandcameout.HestoodwithCuddyandwatchedbasketballanddidnotflinchwhenmentookhardfallsorlostatoothtoanelbow.
Thebeardwaslongnow,pasthisneckdowntohisskeletalchest.Hehadagedadecadeinmonths,hisskinpursedtightoverhollowcheeks.
ThesnowthickenedatLewisandClark,hewashedupinagasstationon89.Itsmelledofpissandhetriedshallowbreathsashepulledoffhisuniform.Hestoodnakedbeneathflickeringlight.Nobulgingstomach,saggingchest,insteadhesawribsandhipbones.Hedressed,shirton,slacks,tie.Hishairwascroppedclosenowsohedidnotneedtocombit.Hishandsshook.Hedidnotfightthem.Theynolongercooperated,ifheheldthephonewithone,hecouldnotgraspapenwiththeother.Itwasexhausting,maddening.
CanyonViewBaptist.
Someonehadclearedthelot,walleditoffwithsnowpiledhigh.Hewasearlybyanhoursorolledhisseatbackandclosedhiseyes.Anightontheroadshould’veseenhimgrabthirtyminutesbuthismindwouldnotleavehim.HethoughtofDuchesswhenshewassmallandthewayshehadlookedathim,likehewasamanwhocouldsolveherproblems.
Firstcarsrolledintothelot.Hewatchedthem,oldpeoplethatworethecoldontheirfaces,cheeksredastheyambledintothesmallchurch.
Hefoundacornerattheback.Anorganplayedsomethingserene.
Atthefrontwasthecoffin.
Hestoodwhenothersdid.
Andthenheturnedandsawtheboy,Robin,holdingthehandofaladyhedidnotrecognize.Theboylookedolder,suddenly,likethechildhadonceagainbeenrobbedbythepullofatrigger.
Behindthem,sheappeared,herdressdarkandsimple.Shekepthereyesupandhard,challenging.Shegazedaroundthechurch,peopletriedtheirbesttosmilesadsmiles.Shedidnotreturnany.Shewasnotachildnow.
Whenshesawhimshestuttered,justonestep,areluctantmemory,andthenshewaspast.
Asshesatatthefronthesawthebowinherhair,tuckedoutofsightbutitwasthere.
Behindherwasaslightboywithglasses,andwhenthepriestspokeandRobinbegantocrytheboyplacedahandonDuchess’sshoulder.Shedidnotturn,justshookhishandfromher.
After,WalkfollowedthembacktotheRadleyfarm.
Insideweresandwichesandcake.AladywhointroducedherselfasDollyhandedWalkacoffee.
Robinstoodwiththeladyandlookedaslostasachildeverhad.HesaidnothankyouwhenDollyofferedhimadonut.Hesaidnothankyouwhentheladyaskedhimifhewantedtoheadupandtakealastlookathisbedroom.
Walkslippedoutandcrunchedthesnow,followingsmallprints.
Hefoundheratthestable,herbacktohimasshepattedahandsomegray,hersmallhandonthehorse’snose.Thehorsebowed,nuzzledagainstherandshekisseditgently.
“Youcanleavenow.”Shedidnotturn.“Youdon’tneedtostaylonger.Iseeeveryoneinthere,watchingtheclock.LikeHalwould’vewantedtheminhishouseanyhow.”
Hesteppedbeneaththearchedroof.“I’msorry.”
Sheraisedahand,it’salright,fuckoff,hedidn’tknowwhichanditdidnotmattermuch.
“There’sakidinthere,hekeepslookingoutforyou.”
“ThomasNoble.Hedoesn’tknowme,notreally.”
“It’simportanttohavefriends,right?”
“He’sanormalkid.Twoparents.Makesgoodgrades.SixweeksattheirvacationhomeinMyrtleBeacheachsummer.Webreathedifferentair.”
“Areyoueatingalright?”
“Areyou?Youlookdifferent,Walk.Where’sthatsoftgone?”
Sheworeonlyherdressbutdidnotshiver.
“ThatladyatthechurchwithRobin—”hestarted.
“Mrs.Price.That’swhatshelikesustocallher.Incaseweforgethowtemporaryourplaceis.Shecametoshowface.”
Walkmethereyeforamoment,thenshelookedaway.
“I’msosorry.”
“Fuck,Walk.Stopsayingthat.Handwegetdealt,right.Fate,resignation.There’snodifference.”
“Theydon’tteachthatatchurch.”
“Freewillisanillusion,sooneryouacceptthesooneryougeton.”
“Thefarm?”
“Iheardthemtalking.Halhaddebts,it’llgoatauctionandthey’llbecleared.Radleyland.We’realljustcaretakers.”
“AndRobin?”
Sadnessthen,thatonlyhecouldsee,burieddeepbehindhereyes.
“He’s…hedoesn’tspeaknow.Hehasn’tsaidmuchbutyesorno.They’lltryandplaceus,fostercaretillthen.Mrs.Price,Mr.Price,theygetpaidtotakeusin.Feedus.Sendustobedateightbecausetheyliketheirowntime.”
“Christmas.”Heregrettedtheword,likeithadaplace.
“Ourcaseworkerbroughtgifts.Mrs.Price,shedidn’tleavenothingoutforRobin.”
Heswallowed.
Sheturnedandpattedthegrayagain.“She’llgetsold,unlesssomeonewantsherwiththefarm.Ihopetheydon’trunherhard.Shelimpsalittlenow,afterthatnight.”
“Shefell.”
“Ifell,”shesaid,bitter.“Itwasn’tonher.She’sadecenthorse.Shestayedwithme,after,justthere,besideme.”
Thesnowbegantodriftonceagain.Helookedbackatthefarmhouse,theboywithglassesbeingledoutbyhismother,craninghisnecktogetalookatDuchess.HethoughtofVincentandStar.
“Willyougettostayhere,sameschool?”
“Wehaveawoman,sheworksourcase.That’swhatwearenow,Walk.Acase.Wearenumbersandafile.Alistoftraitsandmistakes.”
“You’renotanumber.You’reanoutlaw.”
“Maybemyfather’sbloodissofuckingweakitstealsawaytheRadley.I’mnotStarorHal,RobinorBillyBlue.Iamonenight,onemistake,onereaction.I’mnothingmore.”
“Youcan’tthinkthat.”
Sheturnedfromhim,likeshewastalkingtothegray.“I’llneverknowwhoIam.”
Helookedacrossfrozenland,theelkinnumbersatthebaseofthemountain.“Ifyouneedme.”
“Iknow.”
“Butstill.”
“Thatoldpriest.Heaskedusthemeaningoflifeonetime,afterservice.Theyoungkids,heaskedusallinturn.Mosttalkedaboutfamilyandlove.”
“Andyou?”
“Isaidnothing,becauseRobinwasthere.”Shecoughed.“ButyouknowwhatRobinsaid?”
Heshookhishead.
“Hesaidlifemeanshavingsomebodycareenoughtoprotectyou.”
“He’sgotyou.”
“Andlookwhereweare.”
“Butyouknowthat’snot—”
Sheheldupanotherfuckyouhand.
“TheythinkthemanHalshotisdead.”
“Iknow.”
“Theywon’tsearchforhimanymore.ItwasDarke.Theydon’tbelieveme.”
Togethertheywalkedthroughsnowtowardthecruiser.
“IthinkofVincentKing.”
Hewantedtomakealink,StartoDarke.Hecouldnot.
“Youknowthisisn’tonyou.”Hereadherwell.
“Itis,Walk.Thistimeitisonme.”
Heturnedandwantedtohugherbutshestuckoutahandandheshookit.
“Idon’tthinkI’llseeyouagain.”
“I’llkeepintouch.”
“Canyounot?”Thefirstshakeinhervoice,justslightbuthesawherturnherhead.“Justgoandtellmetobegoodorsomething,likeyouusedto.AndthenyougetonandI’llgeton.Oursisasmallstory,ChiefWalker.Sadenough,butsmall.Let’snotpretenddifferent.”
TheystoodinasilencethatrodeoverthetreesandtheRadleyland.
“Alright,”hesaid.
“And?”
“Begood,Duchess.”
29
THEIRCASEWORKERWOREPURPLElipstick,asclosetosomberassheevergot.
Shelly.Herhairwasthreekindsofcolor,noneofwhichDuchessdecidedwerenatural.Shewasloving,soulful,sheheldtheirfuturewiththekindofcarewarranted,andcriedopenlyforthemanshehadnevermet.
TheysatinthebackofherrustingVolvo740.Cokecansonthefloor,ashtrayspillingthoughsheneversmokedwhentheywereinthecar.
Duchessturnedbythewaterandwatchedthefarmhouseforthelasttimeastheydippedbeneaththeprayingtrees.
“Youkidsalrightbackthere?”Shellycrunchedsecondandthecarshuddered.
Duchessreachedoverandtookherbrother’ssmallhand.Hedidnotfightheranddidnotsqueezeback,justletitliethere,limpanddeadtoher.
Shellysmiledinthemirror.“Itwasalovelyservice.”
Theydrovemileonmileofwhite,winterreachingsolongtheycouldnotrecallfall,airsochillDuchesswasgrateful.Lettheworldfreezeover,letallthecolorsdraintillthecanvaswasblankoncemore.
TheyarrivedinthetownofSadler,linesofneat,shoveleddriveways.
ThePricehousesatonastreetofidenticalten-year-oldhomes.Theirswaspaintedashadeofputtysoblanditwasasifthedeveloperwasashamedtoblightsuchbeautifullandwithit.
“Hereweare.YoualrightwithMr.andMrs.Price?”Shellyaskedthatoften.
“Yes,”Robinsaid.
“AndHenryandMaryLou?”
ThePricechildren,closeenoughinagebutaworldapart.Churchpoliteinfrontoftheirparents,butDuchessheardthemtalkingamongstthemselves,aboutHalandwhathappened,howtheyshouldnotgonearthegirlbecauserumorhaditshechaseddownamanandfiredashotgunathim.Andwhatkindofgirldoesthat.
Obviouslytooshelteredtoknowofoutlaws.
“They’refine,”Duchesssaid.
Theysaidgoodbyesandtookhugs.DuchessledRobinupthePricepath.ShellywaitedtillMr.Priceopenedthedoorthenwavedagainanddesertedthem.
DuchesswenttohelpRobinwithhissmartshoesbuthemovedawayfromheranddidithimself.
Mr.Pricesaidnothing,didnotaskafterthefuneral,justturnedhisbackandleftthemtoit.Duchesscouldnotclaimtheyweremistreated,justleftfarbehind.Dinnerondifferentplates,drinksinplasticbeakersinsteadofglass.TheywereleftwiththetelevisionsetintheplayroomwhilethePricessatintheden.Herebutnot.
DuchessfollowedRobinthroughtothekitchen,whiteunitsandmarble,Henry’sreportcardsontherefrigerator,MaryLou’sartworkframedandhungabovethediningtable.Robinstoodatthedoorsandlookedout.Theyard.Thesnowmanwaslarge,Mr.PriceandHenryrolledmoreandmore.
Mrs.PriceandMaryLoucrossedsnowwithsticks,brokethemtotherightlengthforarms.Henrysaidsomethingandtheylaughed.
“Youwanttogoout?”Duchesssaid.
AtthatmomentMrs.Pricelookedup,sawthem,thenturnedandwentbacktoherown.SheplacedanarmaroundMaryLou,protective,defining.
Theirroomwastheconvertedattic.DuchessfollowedRobinupthestairs.Theyhadasmallbathtothemselves,abasinandtubandtoothbrushesinacup.Somedog-earedbooksonasmallshelf,FamousFive,aselectionofDr.Seuss.
“Youwanttochangeoutofyoursmartclothes?”
Helaybackonhisbedandrolledawaysoshecouldnotseehimcry.Hisshouldersshooklightlyandshewentoverandsatbesidehim.Whensheplacedahandonhisarmheshruggedheraway.
“Youshouldn’thaveevencometoday.YouhatedGrandpa.Evenwhenhewaskindyousaidmeanthingstohimbecauseyou’rejustmeanallthewaythrough.”
Hestaredattheskylightabovethem,snowdrifteddown,borrowedshelterallthatkeptthemfromthewildsnow.
“I’msorry,”shesaid.
“Youalwayssaythat.”
Shepokedhisribs.Hedidnotsmile.
“Youwanttoreadabook?”
“No.”
“YouwanttothrowsnowballsatMaryLou’sface?Icouldmakethemoutofpureice.”
Almostasmile.
“OrIcouldnailMr.Pricewithone.Breakatooth.SpearMrs.Pricewithanicicle.WecouldmakeHenryeatyellowsnow.”
“Howdoyoumakeyellowsnow?”
“Pissinit.”
Helaughedthen.Shepulledhimin.
“Willwebealright?”hesaid.
“Wewill.”
“How?”
“We’ll—”
“Youcan’tlookafterus.AndIdon’tthinkMr.Pricewantsushere.”
“Theygettwelvehundredbuckseachmonthtolookafterus.”
“Sotheymightkeepusforallthatmoney.”
“No.Thisisjustfostercare,rememberwhatShellysaid.She’lltryandfindusadecentfamilytostaywithforever.”
“Withafarmandanimals?”
“Maybe.”
“AndwecangodoGrandpa’sashessoon.”
“WhentheycallShelly.”
“Sowe’llbealrightthen.Everythingwillbealright.”
Shekissedhishead.Shedidnotlikelyingtoherbrother.Inthebathroomshefoundsmallscissorsandcuthisnails.“Ishould’vedonethisbefore.”
Hewatchedher.“YoulooklikeMomagain.Youshouldeat.”
Sherolledhereyes.Hesmiled.
Thatnighttheyatemashedpotatoesandsausage,togetherinthesmallroom,infrontofthetelevisionset.Theystillworetheirfuneralclothes.
“Sheknowshowtocookatleast,”Robinsaidasheate.“Icouldeattwoofthesesausages.”
Duchessmovedtoknifehersausageontohisplatebuthepushedherhandaway.“Notyours.Youneedtoeattoo.”
“I’llgoseeifIcangetyouanother.”
Shegrabbedherplateandwalkedslowlydownthehallway,Robinshutin,cartoonsplaying.Onthewallwerefamilyphotos,oneatDisneywithHenryandMaryLouwearingmouseears,oneatKennedy,anotherattheCanyon.Mr.PriceandHenryworematchingballcaps.
Therewasasign,BLESSTHISMESS,acaricatureofMrs.Pricebythewater,hersmilewaybiggerthanDuchesshadeverseenit.
Shestoppedbythekitchendoorandheardthematthediningtable,Mr.PriceaskingMaryLouabouthertest,thenHenryaboutsoftball.ShewaitedtillHenrystartedtalkingthenslippedintothekitchen.
“Duchess.”
Sheturned.Silenceastheylookedherway.
“Ijust…RobinlikedthesausagesoIwaslookingforanother.”
“Allgone,”Mr.Pricesaid.
“Oh.”
SheglancedatMaryLou’splateandsawshehadthree.
Duchessturnedandleftthem,forkedherownsausageandhelditout.AsshegotbackshepasseditovertoRobin.
“Youateyoursalready?”hesaid.
“Yeah.Theyweregood.”
“Toldyou.”
WhenthehousewassleepingshemovedsilentdownthestairsandintoMr.Price’sstudy.Allwood,neatstacksofbooksonfinanceandcurrency.Atthecomputershesearched“VincentKing”andreadallshecouldaboutthecase.Itconfusedher,thatVincentdidn’tpleaditoutandcoplifewhenhisguiltwasclearlikethat.Thenewspaperssaidhestilldidn’tspeak,notatthearraignment,andstillhadnotinstructedalawyer.
TheD.A.wasslick,shewasgoingtobatforStarRadleyandherorphans.Thosepoorchildren
Shespunquickwhensheheardsomeoneatthedoor.
“You’renotsupposedtobeinDaddy’soffice.”
MaryLou.Wellfed,hairbrusheddailybyMrs.Price,skinmottledbyacne.ShewasfifteenandDuchessguessedshewasthekindofgirlthatwouldonedaywearapurityringbeforelosingitthefirsttimeshedrankliquor.
“Ihadtousethecomputer.”
“Ihavetotellhim.”
Duchessloadedhervoicewithchildlikefear.“Ohpleasedon’ttellDaddyonme.”
“Youshouldwatchit.”
“Or?”
“Youthinkyou’rethefirstkidswehadhere?”
Duchessstaredather.
“Iheardyoutalkingtoyourbrother.Youthinkyou’llgetplaced?”MaryLoulaughed.
“Whywouldn’twe?”
“Well,Robinmight.He’syoungenough,decentenough.ButIheardDaddytalkingaboutyou,allyourtroubles,who’sgoingtowantyou?”
Duchesstookastepforward.
MaryLoutookastepforward.“Youwanttohitme,don’tyou?Lashout.That’swhatkidslikeyoudo.”
Duchessclenchedherfist.
“Doitthen.”Asmile,knowing.
Duchessfelttheadrenalinekick,thefireburn.Andthenshelookedback,atthecomputerscreen.Apictureofthescenethatnight,thesmallhouseonIvyRanchRoad,ablurofneighborsandreporters.Andthepicturebeside,CapeHavenPD.Walk.Smiling.Herreminderofeverythinggood.
SheslippedpastMaryLou,tookabreath,andwentbackupthestairs.
30
WALKWOKEATHISDESK,sunlightfoundstrewnpapers.
Hestruggledtostraighten,thepainsobadhealmostcriedout.Hefoundpillsinhisdrawerandswallowedtwowithoutwater.
He’dhadLeahordernewpants,shirt,jacket.Thescalestoldhimhe’dlosttwenty-fivepounds.
Theknocking,hedidn’tknowhowlongithadgoneonforbuttherewassomethingfranticinit.
Hestaggeredtohisfeet,triedastretchandalmostpukedwiththepain.Hesuckeddownabreath,pushedhischestoutandsteppedfromhisoffice,andthenslumpedalittlewhenhesawitwasjustErnieCoughlinfromthehardwarestore.
“Morning.”WalkopenedthedoortohimbutErniedidn’tcrossthethreshold.
“Thebutcher.Whereishe?”Erniebarkedit,handstuckedintoabrownapron.
Walkshooktheconfusionaway.
“Thebutcher,”Ernierepeated.“It’saftersevennow.Hegetsbackfromvacation,samedayeveryyear,whyhasn’ttheshopopenedup?”
“Hunting.Archery,right?Maybehe’stakenanotherday.”
“Dumbbastard,chasingturkeysallover.Twenty-twoyears,Walk.Sincehetookoverfromhisfather.Twenty-twoyearsI’vebeenbuyingbreakfastsausagefromhim.ItakeitovertheroadandRosiecooksitup.Threepancakes,syrup,twocupsofstrongcoffee.”
“Can’tyoujusteatthesausageRosiebuysin?”
Ernielookedathimwithsomethinglikedisgust.
“Youseethenewspaper?Newhomesontheedgeoftown.They’llruinthisplace.Itakeityou’llvoteagainst.”
Walknodded,yawned,tuckedhisshirtintohispants.“I’llgoseehim.”
Ernieshookhisheadonceandthenturnedandleft.
BackathisdeskhedialedMiltonbutgotthemachine.ThenhewentrightbacktowatchingsecuritytapesfromCedarHeights.Moses,onthegatehouse,hadgiventhemupwithoutmuchofafight,didn’tevenaskforthekindofpaperworkWalkdidnotpossess.
Therewasalmostnomovement,butthequalitywassobadhehadtofocushardincaseanyoneleftonfoot.Hedidn’tknowthetimescalesinvolvedsohefaceduptodaysofrecording.Hewatchedthedaypass,themailman,theneighborwiththeFord.
Anotherhourbeforehesawsomething.Hesloweditrightdownandranitthreetimes.Heknewtheoldtruckwell,theComanche.Hesquintedandcouldjustaboutmakeouttheshapeofthebumpersticker,thesilhouetteofablacktail.Milton
Hewatchedwithinterestasthebarrierlifted,thenhesearchedrealslow.Threehourslater,theangleworseasheleft.Therewasnodoubtingitwasthesametruck.
Threemorehoursbeforehefoundthesedan,acloseenoughmatchforthetwomenseekingDarke.
Tenminutesandhewatchedthemleave.
IttooknineteenminutestogetBoydonthephone,butonlyacoupleforhimtoshootdownWalk’srequestforawarranttosearchDarke’splace.WalkmentionedtheguyslookingforDarke,feltlikearookieassholewhenBoydaskedfortheplatesbutWalkcouldn’tgetaclearread.
WhenhehungupWalkloosenedhistie,thenleanedforwardandbangedhisheadonthedesk,hardenoughtohurt.
“IfeellikeIshouldintervenehere.”
Helookedup,sawMarthaandmanagedasmile.Shecarriedhercase,ladenwithfiles.
“Yougotanyboozeinthisplace?”Sheparkedherselfintheseatopposite.
HereachedforthebottomdrawerandpulledoutabottleofKentuckyOldReserve,agiftfromoneofthevacationersforcheckingherplaceduringthewintermonths.Hefoundacoupleofcoffeecupsandpouredthemameasureeach.
Hewatchedasshedrank,alreadywaitingforthesubtleflushthatcreptintohercheeks,thesameflushshegotwhenshewasangryorexcited.MarthaMay,hestillkneweverythingabouther.
“Igotnothing,”sheannouncedwithexaggeratedfanfare.
“Youcameallthewayoverheretotellmethat?”
“MaybeIwantedtoseeyou.”
Hesmiled.“Really?”
“Coursenot.Ibroughtyouadish.”SheopenedherbagandpulledoutaTupperwarecontainer.
“DareIask?”
“Justsomeleftoverpasta.”
“And?”
“Nothing.”
Heblinked,waiting.
“Cubanelle,”shesaidfinally.“Weak-assfryingpepper.Youneedtoeat,Walk.You’regettingallskinny.I’mworriedaboutyou.”
“Iappreciateit.”
Shestood,paced,toldhimthingshealreadyknew,thensatagain.AndthenhetoldheraboutDarke,andthetapes.
“Yourtheoryis?”
Herubbedhisneck.“Idon’thaveone.Notyet.IwanttolookinDarke’splace.AndIwanttoknowwhohe’spayingallthatmoneyto.IfIcan’tgethimforHal,orStar,Iwanthimforsomething.Iwanthimoffthestreet.”
“Ifhewastheone,inMontana,there’sachancehe’sdead.”
“WeputhimthereandwecanestablishalinktoStar.Maybetheboyheardsomething,Darkewantshimdead.Wecanuseit.Ijustneedmyangle.”
“Thebankpayment?”
“Icalledthemanager,hewon’tsayanythingwithoutacourtorder.Nosurprise.”
“FirstUnion.Youneedtoaimalittlelower.Ateller,maybe.”
Heraisedaneyebrow.
“What,youthinkIdon’tknowhowtohustle?I’vegotallthesedeadbeatfathershidingtheirincome,soIgostraighttothesource.”
“Andthatworks?”
“Notalways,butIcallinfavors,andIlendthemtoo.Lifeofalawyer.So,youknowthewholetown,Walk.Theremustbesomeoneyoucanleanon.”
HewalkedupMain,headdown,ignoredgreetings,stoppingonlywhenAliceOwenblockedhispath,thedoginherarms.
“Couldyouwatchherforamoment,Walk.Ijusthavetorunin—”
“Ihavetobesomewhere.”
“Literally,oneminute.”Shethrustthedogathim,thefuckingsnappybastardofadog,thenheadedintoBrandt’sDeli.Hewatchedherinside,smalltalkwiththegirlbehindthecounter,nodoubtorderingsomekindofsoybeanmonstrosityfromthenewmachinewhileshedeliberatedoverthetwenty-dollarcheeses.
Helookeddownatthedogandwatchedtheteethbare,andthenbacktoAlice,who’drunintoBreeEvansandwastalkinganimatedly.
Andthenhelookedathisbadge,andhethoughtofhisdays,hisfucking,soullessperfectdays.
Hesetthedogdown,unclippedtheleashanddroppeditintothetrashcanbeside.
Themuttlookedupathim,confusioninitsbulbouseyes.Andthen,tentatively,ittookinthewildaround,channeleditsinneranimalandbegantotrotitswaydownMain.
Walkleft,cutthroughavacantlot,massagedhishandsandstraightenedhisback.Thiswashisactnow,hissidetotheworld.Pillrolling,sloweddown,hardtoconcentrateonanythingatall.
Hestoodoutsidethesmallhouseandstared.Hehadn’tseenthemenwork,didn’tevenknowtheoldplacehadbeenremodeled.IthadcometohimanhourafterMarthaheadedhome,whenhewasreadinginterviewsforthehundredthtime.
DeeLane.
She’dmetDarkeinthebank,FirstUnion,whereshe’dworkedasatelleraslongasWalkcouldremember.HecalledLeahwhenherealizedtheydidn’thaveanup-to-dateaddressforher,felthisheartsinkalittlewhenLeahtoldhimDeestilllivedatthehouseonFortunaAvenue,thesamehouseDarkeownedandservednoticeon.
Butitwastirednolonger;newwindows,newporch.Thewoodstainedfreshandthepaintshone,theyard,newgrassandflowersplanted.Therewasagate,afence,prideinplaceofdespair.
Shemethimatthedoor,beforehecouldknock,smallsmileasshestoodasideandhewentintothehouse.
Insidewasmostlythesame,insteadofthecardboardboxeshesawalifeunpacked,thephotosandthefurnitureallintheirplaceagain.Shewenttomakecoffee.Heaskedifhecouldusethebathroomthenheadedupthestairs.Hesawtheeldergirl’sroom,Yalepennant,longtimeoffbutWalkheardbothkidsweresmartenough.Andthentheyounger’s,paintedpink,newthrowonthebed.Notobscenemoneybuttherewasanewtelevisionandcomputer.Heusedtoknowbothkids’namesbutfoundthemjustbeyondhisgrasp.
BackdownandDeeledhimouttotheyard,wheretheysatatasmalltable.
“Iknowwhatyou’rethinking,”shesaid.
“I’mjustgladDarkeletyouhaveyouroldplaceback.Ithoughtit’dbepulleddownbynow,makewayforthemillionsandallthat.”
Shesippedhercoffeeandwatchedthewaterlikeitwasbrandnew,notjustnewlyunveiled.
“It’saview.”
“Sureis.Ialmostdon’tbelieveit,whenIwakeup.Earlynow,maybefive.Iliketowatchthesunset,youseenitoverthewater,Walk?”
“Sure.”
Shelitacigaretteandbreatheditlikeitwasallthatkeptherfromscreamingout.Heknewwhatshe’ddone,sheknewit,yettherewerestilllinestorun,practiceforthemosttiresomeofplays.
“So,youwerewithDarkethatnight.Star.Thatnightwhenshewasshotdead.”
Deeflinchedatthat,likeitwasnotnecessary.“We’vebeenthroughthis.”
“Wehave.”
“Youlooktired,Walk.”
Hesteadiedhishand,burieditbeneaththetable,pulledonhissunglassesascloudsmovedin.
“Hewashere,thatnight.Whatwereyoudoing?Remindme.”
“Fucking.”Shespokewithoutemotion.
Awhilebackandhemight’veblushed.Insteadhesmiledasadsmile,buthegotit.Therewasnohatredthere.
“Iworkedmywhole…”Sheheldthesmokedeep.“Ipaidmytaxes,raisedmychildren,didn’tmurdermycheatinghusband.Inevertookanythingfromanyone.”
Hesippedhiscoffee,toohottotaste.
“YouknowhowmuchmoneyImakeinayear,Walk?”
“Notenough.”
“Hedoesn’tpaychildsupport.Isthatfair?Hehidesitallsohedoesn’thavetopayforthegirlshebroughtintotheworld.”Shelookeddown.“TheRadleykids.Arethey—”
“Theirmotherisdead.”
“Jesus,Walk.”Shedraggedahandthroughherhair.Thinwrists,veinsstandingproud.“Yougonnamakethisharderthanitneedstobe.Yougotthemanalready,right?”
“Youdidn’tthinktoaskwhereDarkereallywasthatnight.”
Shetippedherheadback,mouthalittleopenassheblewthesmokeaway.
“Didyouatleastgetsecurity?”
“Idon’tknowwhatyoumean.”Shemethiseyewithtearsinhers.
“Icouldcallyouin,makeyoutestify.Youknowwhatthepenaltyisforperjury?”MaybehecouldproveDarkehadlied,butitdidn’tmeanshit,notreally,notwithoutsomuchmore.
Sheclosedhereyes.“There’snofamily.Justmeandthegirls.Nooneelseatall.”
Hewouldnottearamotherfromherchildren.Thetollwastoogreat.HeknewthatfromtalkingtoHalandwatchingDuchessandRobin.
“Ineedsomething.Afavor.Itcouldcometonothing,butIneedit.”
Shedidnotaskwhat,justnoddedonce.
Hereachedforwardandtouchedherhand,andshegraspedhistight,likeshedidnotwanttoletgo,likeshecouldwringtheabsolutionfromit.
31
SHESLEPTTHESHALLOWESTOFsleepseachnight,sowasonherfeetquickandpullingonasweaterandjeanswhensheheardthetapping.Robinsleptdeeplybeside,curledfetalthewayheusedtointhefamilyroomatVancourHillHospital.
Atthewindowsheheldupafinger,foundhersneakersandcreptdownthestairsandoutintothecoldnight.
Heworeascarfandwoollenhat,hisbikeproppedbythegate.
“Shit,ThomasNoble.ThatwasMaryLou’swindowyouweretossingstonesat.”
“Sorry.”
“Howfardidyouride?”
“Ileftatdinner,toldmymomIwassleepingoveratafriend’s.”
“Youdon’thavefriends.”
“I’vestartedhangingoutwithWaltGurney.”
“Thatkidwiththeeye?”
“It’sonlycontagiousifyoutouchit.”
Heworeacoatsothickitwaslikehisbodywaswrappedwithtires.
Theymoveddownintothelongyard.Behindbaretreeswasasmallfishpond.RobinhadsatthereanhourbeforeMrs.Pricetoldhimitwasnotstocked.
Theysattogetheronastonebenchbeneathahalf-moonandbrightnestsofstarlight.
“Youshouldreallywearregulargloves.NotevenRobinwearsmittens.”
ThomasNoblereachedacrossandtookherhandandblewontoit,thenbracedhimselfbutshesaidnothing.
“Youwereinthenewspaper.Allthatstuffthathappened.Ikeptthecuttings.”
“Isawitall.”
“Iwishyouwerecomingbacktoschool.”
Alooktowardthesleepinghouse,theneighbors’beside.Wakeup,gotoworkandpaybills.Takevacations.TheyworriedaboutpensionsandP.T.A.meetings,whichcartobuynextandwheretospendChristmas.
“IlikedHal.IknowhewasscaryandallthatbutIlikedhimjustthesame.I’mrealsorryforyou,Duchess.”
Sheballedsnowinherhandtillherbonesached.“I’mfiguringoutmynextmove.Takeitbacktobreathing.Ican’tfuckup,Iknowthatmuch.Thegirl,MaryLou…I’dliketobeheadthatmotherfucker.”
ThomasNoblepulledhishatlowoverhisears.
“IneedtogetbacktoCapeHaven.ImadeapromisetoRobin,thatI’dfindusahomeforgoodthistime.It’sallthatmatterstohim.”
“Iaskedmymotherifyoucouldcomelivewithusbut—”
Shewavedhimoff,gavehimanout.“Thewaysheiswiththemailmanyou’lllikelyhaveasiblingsoonenough.”
Hefrowned.
“Idon’tneedanyone…butmybrother,he’sjustababyreally.Youthinkthere’ssuchathingasatrulyselflessact,ThomasNoble?”
“Sure.Youcomingtothewinterdancewithme.”
Shesmiled.
“Ilikewintermost.Outofalltheseasons,andIthinkwehavemorethanmostinMontana.”
“Why?”
Heraisedhisbadhand,themittencoveringittotally.
“That’swhyyouwearmittens.”
“Yes.”
“Therewasanoutlaw,WilliamDangs,andhewasacrackshotbadassthatheldupthreebanksbeforetheygothim.Hehadonearm,attheshoulder,wholethinggone.”
“Serious?”
“Yes.”Rightthenshewasgladhedidnotknowhertells.
Shebegantoshiver.
Hetookoffhiscoatandslippeditroundhershoulders.
Hebegantoshiver.
“Theymightsendussomeplacefar.Ifwegetanyoneatall,couldbeanywhereinthewholecountry.”
“I’llridethere.Doesn’tmatterwhere.”
“Idon’tneedanyone.”
“Iknow.You’rethetoughestgirlIevermet.Andtheprettiest.AndIknowyou’llprobablyhitmebutIthinkmyworldisinfinitelybetterbecauseyou’reinit.Beforeitwasjustkidsthatlaughed,pointed,whispered.Butnotnow.AndIknow—”
Shekissedhimthen.Herfirstkiss,andhis.Hislipswerecold,hisnosecoldonhercheek.Hewastoostartledtokissherback.Shebrokeitandturnedbacktothefrozenpond.
“Shutup,”shesaid.
“Ididn’tsayanything.”
“Youweregoingto.”
Theybreathedmist.
“Halsaidwebeginattheend.”
“Sowherearewenow?”
“I’mnotsureitmatters.”
“Whereveritis,Ihopewecanstayherealittlelonger.”
Theyheldhandsawhile,thenstoodandwalkedbackdowntheyard,springburiedsodeep.Inthehousewashersuitcaseandherbrotherandshehadnothingelseintheworld.Shecouldnotdecideifthatmadeherfreeorsoterriblycursed.
ThomasNoblepulledhisbicyclefromthegateanddustedsnowfromthesaddle.
“Howdidyoufindme?”shesaid,asshehandedhiscoatback.
“Mymotherwastalkingtoyourcaseworker.”
“Right.”
Heclimbedonthebike.
“Hey.Whydidyoucomeheretonight?”
“Iwantedtoseeyou.”
“And?Icanreadyou.Tellme.”
“I’mlookingforhim.Darke.EverydayafterschoolIridetotheRadleyfarmandwalkthewoodland.”
“Couldbeyou’llfindabody.”
“Isurehopeso.”
HefreewheeledtotheendofthePricedriveway.Shefollowedhimoutintothestreet.Mailboxesneatlylined,eachhadafamilynamepaintedon.CooperandLewisandNelson.Robinlikedtoreadthenames,toseehimselfinside.
“ThomasNoble.”
Hestopped,leanedononefootandlookedbackoverhisshoulder.
Sheraisedahand.
Heraisedhisown.
WhenshegotbacktotheirroomshefoundRobincrying,scootedbackagainstthewall,hisheadinhishands.
“Whatisit?”
“Wherewereyou?”hespokebetweensobs.
“ThomasNoblecamehere.”
“Thebed.”
Shelookedoverattheballedsheet.
“Thebediswet,”hesaid,distraught.“Ihadadreamaboutthatnight.Iheardthings.Iheardvoices.”
Shepulledhimcloseandkissedhishead.ThenshehelpedhimoutofhisshortsandT-shirt,puthiminthebathtubandwashedhim.
Whenshewasdoneshedressedhimincleanpajamasandlaidhiminherbed.Hewassleepingbythetimeshegottoworkstrippingthemattressdown.
***
Walklayinhisbedwrestlingwithfactshealreadyknew.DickieDarkehadliedabouthisalibithenightStarwasmurdered.Miltonhadpaidhimavisit,maybethetwohadgonehuntingbutWalkdidn’tbuyit.Miltonwasmissing,Walkhadstoppedbyhisplaceandfounditindarkness.Therewasnoonehecouldcheckinwith,nomoteloranything.Miltoncamped,hunted,movedthroughtheacresinthekindofsolitudehecouldn’tbearintheCape.
Anhourfromdawnhestoodanddressed,drankcoffeethenclimbedintothecaranddrovetoCedarHeights.
Nooneworkedthegatehouseduringnighthours,soWalkleftthecruiserbeneathtreesthatswayedagainstlighteningsky,crossedthedrivewayandsteppedthroughthesmallergatetotheside.
Nolifeinanyofthehouses,noteventheplaceacrossthestreet.Hemovedwithoutcare,headup,nodoubtcaughtonthecameras.Hedidnotknowifitwasthelackofsleeporthewayhisbodytremoredbutthatmorninghedidnotgiveashitforthetroublehewasinviting.
Hemoveddownthesideofthehouse,openedthegateandsteppedintotheyard,andthenstalledwhenhesawit.Thebackdoor,asinglepaneofglassmissing,removedwithgreatcare,nonoiseatall.HethoughtofthemenlookingforDarkeashereachedinandturnedthehandle.
Nosignofanythingashemovedthroughthehouse,TVoff,plasticfruitinthebowl,upthestairsandthroughthebedrooms,madeuplikeaperfectfamilyhadsteppedoutforanhoursointerestedpartiescouldgetalookattheirlives.
Hecheckedbeneaththebed,pulledthesheetsbackandthentossedthepillowtothefloor.Andthenhesawit,faroutofplace.Rightthereinthebed,asweater,smallandpink.Agirl’ssweater.Hethoughtofbaggingit,takingit,andthenexplainingittoBoyd.Heleftit,butmadeanoteinhispadsohe’dremember.
Andthentheflashoflights.
Heduckedlow,movedtothewindowandheardthecaridle.Heriskedalook,differentsedanbutsametwo,thebeardedguyrolledthewindowdown,litbytheglowfromhiscigarette.Hestaredatthehouse.
Walkcountedoffthebeatsofhisheart.
Fifteenminutestilltheybackedup,turnedandslowlyrolledaway.Hegottheplates,forwhatitwasworth.
Backinthekitchenheswitchedonthelightsandsearchedeverycupboard.
Healmostmissedit.
Downonhiskneeshecheckedthetiles.
Nodoubtitwasblood.
Ittookthreehourstogetatechvanover,andthatwasallonfavor.TanaLegroshadbeenattheendofhershiftwhenhecalled.WalkhadoncebustedhersonsmokingweedatapartyhebrokeuponFallbrook.He’drecognizedthekid’ssurnameanddrivenhimhomeinsteadofwritinghimup.Tanawouldbegratefultillthedayshedied.
OnceMosesarrivedatthegatehouseWalktriedtoliaisewiththeguy,butfoundtheeasiestwaytodealwithhisquestionswastosliphimatwenty.
Heventuredthroughtothebackwherehefoundthesmalloffice.Thecomputerwasplastic,hollow,asfakeastheideal.
Tanacame,oneotherguywithher,youngandmethodicalandeager.TheguystoodbackandraisedaneyebrowasTanaloweredhermask.Shepointedinthedirectionofthekitchen,blindspulled,luminolreagentsettheflooraglow.
“Jesus,”Walksaid.“Blood?”
“Yes,”Tanasaid.
“Isthatalot?”
“Yes.”
“Canyourunit?”
“Yougotawarranttobeinhere?”
Hesaidnothing.
“GuessIcan’tremovethistilethen.”
“Sorry.”
“I’llswabandholdontoit.YougivemesomethingmoreandI’llworkupaprofile.Won’tgetnowhereifit’snotinthesystemthough.”
HethoughtofthemenafterDarke.AndthenhismindrantoMilton.
Heleftthecruiseruponthesidewalk,ranacrossMilton’sfrontyardandhammeredthedoor.
“Milton,”heyelled,thensteppedbackintothestreetandlookedattheupstairswindows.Heheardanoisebehind,turnedandsawBrandonRockwateringhisgrass.
“YouseenMilton?”
“Vacation.”Brandonlookedlikeshit,darkglasses,stubble,featheredhaircollapsed.
“Youalright?”
“Leahdidn’ttellyou?”
“What?”
“Thosetwodon’teventalkanymore,sheprobablydoesn’tevenknow,”Brandonslurredit.
“Knowwhat,Brandon?”
“Edletmego.”
Walktookastepnearerandsmelledthebooze.
“MeandJohnandMichael.”
“I’msorry.”
Brandonwavedahand,turnedandwalkedunsteadilytowardhishouse.“Fallingmarket.Failingeconomy.Bullshit.Edrantheplaceintotheground.Booze,thewomen.UsedtogotoTheEightmorethanme,andIlivedinthatplace.”
Walkdraggedatrashcanover,stoodonit,pulledhimselfoverMilton’ssidegateanddroppedintothebackyard,feelinghisbonesjarashehittheground.
Hefoundthekeyunderafalsestone.FiveyearsbackMiltonhadtakeninastray,askinnymongrelthatheturnedsofatitwasputtodeathayearlater.Somuchmeatitwenthappy.WalkhadagreedtofeedthethingwhenMilton’sfatherpassed.
Inside.
Hesmelledbloodrightoff,guessedMiltonsecretedthescentwhereverhesat.Hesawacalendaronthewall,twoweeksmarked,evenhadacircleonthedayhe’dbeopeningupagain.
“Milton,”hecalleditloud,incasetheguywasbathing,thekindofsightthat’dchasedreamswithnightmareforalleternity.
Nothinginthelivingroom.
Heclimbedthestairs,triedtheguestroom.Amattressonthefloor,nosheets.Andthenhecametothemaster.
Itwasneat,thickblanketonthebed,despitethewarmth,anolddresserwithmirrorabove,maybethekindhismotherhadused.Onthewallwastheheadofadeer,mountedonmahogany,thedeadeyesmadeWalkwonderwhatkindofmanwantedthethingwatchingoverhimlikethat.
Therewasabookshelf,heavywithtextsonhunting,traps,mapsofthewild.Nothingonastronomy.
Hewalkedovertothewindow,sawthetelescope,theCelestron,andranafingeralongtheback.Thedustwasthick,likehehadn’tusedthethinginayear.
Heleaneddown,peeredthroughandtookabreathwhenhefoundthetelescopenotangledattheskybutonthehouseacrossthestreet.
Onasinglewindow.
ThewindowtoStarRadley’sbedroom.
HethoughtofMilton,alwaysofferinghelp,theComanche,takingouthertrash,givingDuchesscutsofmeattotakehome.Walkalwayshadhimdownasgood,misunderstood,alittleoff,butbasicallyadecentman.Hecursedunderhisbreathashebegansearchingthroughdrawers.
Hefoundthesuitcasebeneaththebed,hauleditoutanddumpeditontopofthemattress.
NeighborhoodWatch.Scrawledinmarkerpenacrossthetop.Therewasorderinside,thephotoscataloged.Theynumberedinhundreds.SomewerePolaroid,somebetterquality.HepickedoneupandsawStarinastateofundress,barechest,justunderwear.Andthatwasthetheme.Insomeshewasclothed,workingtheyard,somehadDuchessandRobininview,cleartheywerenotthefocus.Heturnedfromthenudes,Starbentover,Starundressingforbed.
“FuckingMilton.”
Someoftheshotswereold,tenyearsofwatching.Henoticedacouplewithaguyshewasseeing,Walkcouldn’tquiterecallthename.HeguessedMiltonhopedtocatchthemfucking,insteadgotaseriesofshotsofStarkissinghimgoodnightthentheguyretiringtothelivingroom.
Andthenhestopped.
ThefilemarkedJune14th
ThedayStarwasmurdered.
Withashakinghandheturnedthepages,andcursedagainwhenhesawtheywereblank.
Hetookafinallookaround,thencalleditin.LeahTallowtookitandsoundedshockedwhenhetoldher.
He’dbringMiltonin,justassoonashefoundhim.
32
THEYSETTLEDINTOFRAGMENTEDLIFE.
TheytrailedinsilenceeachmorningasMaryLouandherbrothercollectedfriendsonthewalktoschool.Thegroupstaredbackandwhisperedandlaughed.OnetimeDuchessslippedontheice,toreherjeansandcutherknee.Theydidnotstoptohelp.Shelimpedoninquiet,stillholdingherbrother’sbagaswellasherown.
MrsPriceaddedaplasticsheettoRobin’sbed.ItrustledsoloudeachnightheclimbedinwithDuchess.
Theymetwithtwocouples.
Thefirst,Mr.andMrs.Kolene.DuchessknewrightoffthatShellyhadworkedhardtogetthemtothetable,thetablebeingaplayareaintheparkonTwinElmsAvenue.DuchesspushedRobinontheswingwhiletheKolenesandShellysatonaparkbench,drankathermosofcoffeeandstaredatthemliketheywereattractionsinapettingzoo.
“Whatthefuckaretheylookingat?Theywantustodotricksorsomething?”
“Quiet,theymighthear.”
Duchesstookatissuefromhercoatandwipedhisnose,thenwentbacktopushingtheswingwhileShellysmiledather.
“Thedudelookslikealibrarian.”
“Why?”
“Thoseglasses.He’sgotasweaterwithnosleeves.Ithinkthey’retoooldtohavekidsnaturallyandnowtheywantasecondshot.Couldbeproblemswithhissperm,ormaybeshe’sbarrenastheMojave.”
Robinstaredover.“What’sbarren?”
“Herpartshavediedoff.”
“Shelooksalright.”
“Icanfeelthebitterseepingfromherpores.Should’vefrozenhereggs.Shewon’tloveusright.”
“Butnooneelsehascome.”
“Theywill.Shellysaidwehavetobepatient,right.”
Helookeddown.
“Right?”
“Yeah.Iguess.”
“Thesepeople,theygettested.Vetted.Theytakeclassessotheyknowhowtoparentright.”
Shepushedhimhigher,tillthechainbegantoflexandhescreamedandlaughed.Shemarveledathisabilitytoadapt,thewayhesmiledatMr.andMrs.Pricesomuch,justthechancetheymightreturnitenoughforhim.
Sheworkedhardtokeephertemperinchecknow,didn’tsayanythingwhenMaryLousmirkedorHenrywouldn’tsharehisgameswithRobin.SheburiedthepartofherthatthoughtaboutHalandthewayhehaddied,andhermotherandthewayshehaddied.ShewatchedoldWesterns,readherbooks,knewthatlivescouldbecoloredsoboldbyrevengetheyateawayallthegoodapersonmighthaveoncehad.
ItwasWalkwhokeptherfromdoingsomethingfoolish,heanchoredhertothegood,hekeptheraimedtowardthefutureinsteadofthenow.Walkremindedhermencouldbeallgood.HekeptherfrommarchingovertoShellyandtheKolenesandtellingthemtogetthefuckaway,thatshe’dcaredforRobinhiswholelifeanddidn’tplanonquittinganytimesoon.
Mrs.KoleneraisedahandandRobingrinnedandwavedashardashecould,likehecouldn’treadwhatwasgoingon.They’dbarelyspokentothem,acoupleofquestionsinbroadMidwestaccents,nowayofplacingthem,justanothercouplelookingforawaytomakethemselveswholebutknowingrightofftheRadleychildrenfellshort.
“Nottherightfit,”Shellysaid,onthedrivebacktothePricehouse.
Mrs.Pricehadbeenpissedatthemthatevening,likethey’dplayeditwrong,likeshewastiringofthemandwantedyounger,fresherfacestodragtochurcheachSundayandshowoff.
Thenextmeetwasbad.Mr.andMrs.Sandford.Hewasaretiredarmycolonelandshewasahomemakerwithanemptyhome.
TheysatonthesamebenchwithShelly,madesmalltalkwhiletheysizedupthekids.Thecolonelkeptlaughingandslappinghiswife’sknee,hardenoughtoleaveaprint.
“He’llbeatus,”Duchesssaid,fromherspotbytheswing.
Robinstaredathim.
“Probablywantyoutoshaveyourheadandenlist.”
“Couldbeshe’llteachyoutobake,”Robinsaid.
“Motherfucker.”
“Yousaidthattooloud.”
Theylookedupatthecolonelwatchingthem.Duchesssnappedoffasalute.Shellysmilednervously.
EarlyMarch,thethawbegan.
DuchesssatatthewindoweachnightandwatchedthesteadydripfromwindowsasthecolorslowlybeganitsreturntoMontana.Morningbroketocoldsun,butsunjustthesame.Sidewalksmelted,yardsemergedfromburial,shadblowshedbrownstowhiteblossomthatreachedskyward.Shewatchedthechangebutcouldseenobeautyatall.
Duchessmovedthroughhersmalllifewithoutfeeling,eachmotionsoautomaticshesometimesforgotwhichdayoftheweekitwas.ShecaredforRobin,walkedhimtoschoolandignoredMaryLouandhersidekickKellywhentheycutherdown,hershoes,hertop,thebrandofherjeans.Shellycameeachweek,sometimesshetookthemoutforice-creamandonceeventothemovies.Robintalkedaboutanewfamily,howthefatherwouldbelikeHal,teachhimtofishandplayball.Heheldthebeliefinhissmallhands,tighterwitheachpassingday.
OneSaturdayShellytookthemtoseethefarm.ProbatewouldtakemonthssoitwasstillRadleylandforalittlelonger.TheyswungbytocollectThomasNoble.
Highspringmorning.RobintookShellytoseethecoopandtoldherofthejobsheusedtocarryout.DuchessandThomasNoblewalkedthewheatfields,nocropsplanted,justrowsofweedandmoundedearth.Shefeltasadnesssoprofoundshecouldnotspeakforalongtime.Halineverystepshetook,cigarsmellastheywalkeduptotheporchandtookaseatontheswing.Shepushedback,thechainspulledandcreakedandshewantedtocrybutdidnot.Shevisitedthefieldwherethegrayonceran,shemissedheralmostasmuchasshedidhergrandfather.
After,theyleftthefarminheavysilenceandRobindidcry.Sheheldhishandinherown.WhentheygotbacktothePricehousetheysatidlingonthestreet,watchingtheneighborkidsridetheirbikes.Itwaswarmingup,summerawhileoffbutmakingitsintentknown.
“I’vegotsomeone,”Shellysaid.
Duchesscouldhearsomethinginhervoice,tracebutitwasthere.Somethingdifferent.
“Who?”Robinsaid.
“TheirnamesarePeterandLucy.They’refromWyoming,whereIusedtowork.Tillnowthey’vebeensearchingjustforonechild,butItoldthemhowspecialyoutwoare—”
“Soyoulied,”Duchesssaid.
Shellysmiledandheldupahand.“Hearmeout.They’resmalltown,he’sadoctorandsheteachesthirdgrade.”
“Whatkindofdoctor?”
“Arealdoctor.”
“Ashrink?BecauseIdon’twantsomeguymessingwithmy—”
“Aregulardoctor.Inapractice.Makingsickpeoplewellagain.”
“Ilikethem,”Robinsaid.
Duchesssighed.
“Youcanmeetthemnextweekendifyouwantto.”
RobinlookedpleadinglyatDuchess,tillshenodded.
***
TheyrodeRoute5inherPrius,MedfordtoSpringfield.
AhundredmilesfromSalemtheyleftbrightlightsandsmoothasphaltforbumpingdowndarktracksthatsliveredthroughMarionandthekindoftownshipsthatexistedonoldmapsandnowhereelse.
Marthaslept.WhentheroadssmoothedandheldstraightWalkallowedhimselftoglanceover,andwhenhedidhefeltthesharppainthathadstabbedathimsincethedayhewalkedbackintoherlife.Shelookedcalm,atpeace,sobeautifulhesometimesfoughttheoverwhelmingurgetokissher.
DawnbrokeovertheCalasadeHighway,Walkwassotiredheveeredoverthedouble-yellowstillMarthareachedoverandgentlytuggedthewheel.
“Youshould’vepulledover.”
“I’mstraight.”
OntheSilverFallsHighwaytheywatchedthesuncreepfromthehillsandcolorfarmlandadozengreens.AtadinertheyateeggsandbaconanddrankcoffeesostrongWalkfeltitsharpenhimrightupagain.
“It’snotfar,”Marthasaid,lookingatthemapspreadoutacrossthetable.
TheywereheadedtoUnity,aprivatehealthcarefacilityinSilverFalls.ThesameplaceDickieDarkehadbeenmakingpaymentstoasfarbackastheycouldgoinhisbankrecords.Deehadcomethrough,knockedonWalk’sdoorthenightbeforeandgivenhimaslipofpaperwiththerecipient’sname.
Threecupsofcoffeeandtheyleft,caffeinecoursingWalk’sveinsastheSilverFallsStateParkcameatthem.Marthanavigatedandbeforelongthetreestoweredbeside.Rocksroseabovesteepbanksofgreen.Walkopenedhiswindowtotherushofsoundastheypassedawaterfall.
Anotherturnandtheycametothegates.Walkhadcalledahead,toldthemhewantedtolookaroundtheplace.Hegavehisnamethroughthespeakerandwatchedthegatesswingopen.
Theyfollowedthelongroadtillthehospitalcametoview,sleekandmodern,dark-framedglasscontrastedsandbricks,theplacecould’vebeenluxurycondosnestledamongsttheforest.
Thewoman’snamewasEicherandshemetthematthedoorwithaheartysmile.Sheledthemintoavastentrancehall,modernart,asculpturethatcould’vebeenaneagle.Therewasacalmtoitall,doctorsstrolledby,nursesmovedslow,nofuss,noworry.AtfirstWalkthoughtitmight’vebeenaretreat,thekindofplaceharriedexecscameforsomedowntime.ButthenEicherwasbackwiththem,andshereeledoffthekindofworktheydid,thecomplexneedsoftheirpatientsandtheround-the-clockcaretheyprovided.
Shemovedwithpurpose,despitetheextrafiftypoundsshecarried.Anaccent,hardtoplace,might’vebeenGermanbutitwasmuddiedbylocalphrases.Shedidn’taskwhotheyweretherefor,Walkhadmentionedarelativeonthephone,neededhelp,neededspecialistcare.Eicherhadtoldhimtocomeinandtakealookaround,nothingformal,thefitwasimportantandcouldn’tberushed.
BesidehimMarthasaidnothing,justnotedthesprawlingdayrooms,abankofelevatorsandcarpetsothickshefeltherfeetsink.
Eicherdetailedthehistory,theproximitytotheStateParkandthecalmitinspired.Theywereequippedforanykindofemergency,fivedoctorsoncall,thirtynurses.
Sheledthemoutintothegardens,whichstretchedtheirwaydowntoastreambehindalowfence.Walksawacoupleofporterscatchingasmokebyasetofdoors.Eichershotthemalookandtheystubbedouttheircigarettesandmovedon.
“CanIaskhowyoufoundus?”shesaid.
“Afriendofmine.DickieDarke.”
Shesmiledthen,whiteteeth,adecentgapbetweenthefronttwo.“Madeline’sfather.”
Walksaidnothing.
“She’sanexceptionalgirl.AndMr.Darkeissostrong,afterlosinghiswifelikethat.DidyouknowKate?”
Marthasteppedforward.“Notwellenough.”
Eicherlookedsadthen,theonlycrackinapristinefa?ade.“Shewasalocalgirl.GrewupinClarkesGrove.Madelineisherdouble.”
Sheledthembackthroughthebuilding,signedoffwithabrochureandapromisetocall.Walkdidnotneedtopressfurther,hehadfoundwhathecamefor.
“Willyougivehimmyregards?Ihopehe’shealingupwell,”Eichersaid.
Walkturnedtoher,shereadthelook.
“I’msorry.Theaccident.Dickiewaslimping,saidhe’dslipped.”
Walkfelttherushthen.“Whenwasthis?”
“Maybeaweekago.Somepeople,badluckseemstofollowthemaround.”Eicheraddedanothersmile,thenturnedandleftthem.
FifteenmilestoClarkesGrove,andfromtheretheytookawalkalongacolorfulMainStreet,distantfromtheCapeinmilesalone.Walklikedthetownrightoff.Theyfoundtheoldmunicipallibraryattheendofthestreet,quaintbuttired,liketheplacewasrunningonhandoutsalone.Emptyinside,darkandcool,thesmelltakingWalkbacktoPortolaandhistwoyearsofcollege.
Anoldladyatthedeskdidn’tlookupfromherscreensotheyheadedtothebackandthecoupleofcomputers.Marthagottowork,sittingclosetoWalk,herlegpressedagainsthis.Hewatchedher,thewayshefurrowedherbrow,theriseandfallofherchestasshebreathed.
“Areyoucheckingmeout,Chief?”
“No.Sorry.No.”
“That’stoobad.”
Helaughed.
Shetypedquick,“KateDarke,”thearchivespulledupadozenmatches.Theyreadinsilence,thecaraccident,howKatediedatthesceneandMadelineAnnsufferedcatastrophicbraininjuries.Therewerephotos,theice,theFordlefttheroadandheadedstraightdownasteepbank,meetingtreesandpoppingthewindshield.Thelakebehind,TheEight,theonlycalminthatshot.
Asinglephotoofthefamilybefore.
MarthazoomedincloseandWalkwasstruckbyDarke,thatemptiness,thehollowgaze,itwasallabsentbackthen.
“SoMadelinewouldbefourteennow,”Marthasaid.
“Yes.”
“Jesus.She’sbeenintherenineyears.AroundthetimeDarkestartedmakinghismoves.It’salotofmoney.”
Walkfoundanotherarticle,thisonefocusedonMadelineandtheworkdoneatUnity.Itsaidalotandnothingatall.Thegirlwaskeptalivebyamachine.
Darkewashopingforamiracle.
33
HARBORBAY.
Walkmadeitthereinthirty,didn’tflashthelightsbecauseCabrillowasempty.ThecallcameinanhourafterhemadeitbackfromPortland.
Heleftthecruiserclosetothegateandwalkedpastthebobbingtrawlers,ashinyBaylinerandalineofNavigators.Gapsbetweenboards,watersloppedbeneath.Hesawaclusterofcatfishturningasanoldmantossedwhatwasleftoftheday’sbait.
Frenziedwater,saltbreeze,asenseofdread.
Thetrawlerwasa’73Reynoldsbutlookednewer,freshpaintandbluetrim,AndrewWheeleronthedeck,hiseyesonbreakingwaves.
Walkknewhimalittle.AndrewhadtakenStaroutafewtimes.
InthedistancewastheCape,thecliffs,landtrailingdowntothebeachandtheKinghousecommandingallofit.AndrewstillworkedwithSkipDouglas,sooldandgrizzledhebarelyspokeawordondryland.Skipsteppedontotheboards,noddedonceatWalkandheadedbacktowardthelot,nodoubttograbacoupleofbeerstotaketheedgeoffthedaythey’dhad.
Andrewcamedownandtheyshookhands,Andrew’sarmsmuscledandtan,sunglassesonhisheaddespitethedusksky.LightsflickeredonasWalksteppedontotheboat.
“Whathappened?”Walksaid.
“Wewereoutwithcitypeople,groupfromSacramento.Threeofthem,childhoodfriendsouttravelingtheirwayuptoSixRivers.”
LobsterseasonranOctoberthroughMarch.Therewerelimits,numberandsizeandweight,butmostofthecustomersjustwantedadayoutonthewater.
“WewereheadinginslowwhenSkipcalledmeover.Thenetwascaught,happensoften,alwaysapainintheass.SometimesIpullonawetsuitandheadin,cutawaywhereneeded.”
Walkplacedahandonthesidethoughthewavesweregentle.
“Itwasheavy,though.Skipeventookoffhisballcapandwipedhishead,andthatguyneverbreaksasweat.Igrabbedthetrawlwinchandwegotitmoving.Thenitbrokethewater.Theguyspuked,allthree.Gullscircled,morethanusual,that’showIknew,criessoloudSkipclosedthedeadman’seyes.”
“Youdidn’ttouchhimotherthanthat?”
Andrewshookhishead,thensteppedaside.
“TheguysweresosickIhadtotryandcoverhimontheridein.”
Walkpulledthetowelbackthenfoughtforbreath.
Milton.
Bloated,mottled,eyesswollenover.
“Youalright,Walk?”
“Jesus.”
“Youknowhim?”
Walknodded.
HethoughtofthebloodatDarke’splace,they’dmatchitsoonenough,hehadlittledoubt.Morepiecestofigure,souneven.
“Sitdownforabit,youdon’tlooksogood.”
Theysatonthedeckandwaitedforthecoroner.AndrewpassedWalkabeer,whichhesippedasthecolorreturnedtohim.
“Better?”
“Youdon’tseemallthatshakenup,”Walksaid.
“It’smythirdbody.”
“Serious?”
“OneinJersey,andthenIworkedtheKeys.AlotgoingoninCapeHaven.”
“Toomuch.”
Walkheldthebottletohisheadandsoothedtheacheforming.Hishandshookashedrank,hedidnoteventryandhideit.
“Isawyouatthefuneral.I’msorryIdidn’tgetachancetocomeover.”Andrewhadstoodattheback,headbowed,stayedafewminutesthenslippedout.
Andrewwavedhimoff.“Iwas…itwassad.Thewholething,whenIheardabouther.Ithoughtaboutthekids,evenbackthen,theboywasababybutthegirlusedtoglareatme.”
WalkthoughtofDuchess.
“Youknowwhodidit,thisguy?”
“Maybe.”
Andrewaskednothingelse.
Theywatchedaboatheadin,lowlightsovercalmwater.
Andrewheldhisbottletothedyingsun.“It’dbeenfiveyearssinceIlastsawher.ButIstillthoughtabouther.Itwasn’teven…theonethatgotaway,nothinglikethat.Youknowwhenyouwanttosavesomeone,butyoudon’thavethefirstcluehowtodoit?”
“Yousawherawhile.”
“Afewmonthsmaybe.Metheratabar,watchedhersingthenboughtheradrink,thoughtshewasnice-lookingandfunnyandkindofdamaged,whichwasn’tallthatunusualinthekindsofbarsIdrinkin.”
“Andthen?”
“Weweretogetherbutnot.Almostlikefriends.Iwantedmore.”
Walkwatchedhim.
“Sex.Weneverdid.”
Walkglancedoverataspeedboat,outofplace,whiteandgarish,nodoubtavacationerbringingouttheirtoy,theoldandnewcollidinginawaythatstillpainedhim.FORSALEsign,Walkhopedwhoeverboughtittookitsomeplacefaraway.
“Shewasbeautiful.Sexissomething,right.Iknowwedon’ttalkaboutit,butit’ssomething.Inarelationship,withoutitwhathaveyougot?”
WalkthoughtofMartha,thenatureoftheirfriendship,theundercurrentthatpushedhimeverytimehesawher,dragginghismindsomeplaceitshouldn’thavebeen.Shehadclosedoff,thepartsthatwerehis,hermind,gonetogroundwiththechildsheoncelost.
“Didshegiveareason?”Walksaid.
“Shesaidyougetonegreatlove.Andyou’reluckyifyoufindthat.Anythinglessmightaswellhavebeennothing.”
WalkthoughtofStar.Shedidn’tgetherhappyending.Eachnightheprayedherchildrenwould.
***
Robinwasnervousthedayofthemeet.
TheylayawakethenightbeforeandRobintalkedofPeterandLucylikeheknewthemwell.Hedecidedhemightliketobeadoctortoo,that,orateacher.Shetoldhimtosleep,thathewantedtobefresh.Hetalkedanotherhour.
ShelaidouthisshortsandT-shirt,heexchangedthemforhissmartslacksandfuneralshirt.Hetriedonhisbowtie,discardedit.Heshinedhisbestshoeswithspitandpapertowels.Shetriedtountanglehishair,gaveupandpressedittoaparting.
Sheworejeansandatop,heyelledtillshechangedintoadress.Hechoseayellowbowforherhairthenaskedifsheshouldwearalittlemakeup.Heatenobreakfast,justsippedhisjuiceatthewindow.
“Youneedtorelax.”
“Whatiftheydon’tshow?”
“Theywill.”
Thedrivetothepark,Robinwasquiet,staringout.Duchesssawhissmallfingerscrossed.Theypulledintothelot,steppedouttosun,birdsongandgentlebreeze.
Peterwasshort,alittleoverweightbuthecarrieditwell.LucysmiledinthekindofwholesomewaythatmadeDuchessthinkshewasborntobeamotherorathird-gradeteacher.Shellywavedandtheybegantowalkover.
Peterturnedandwhistled.AblackLablookedup,onepawintheair,thenbegantorun.
“They’vegotadog,”Robinsaiditinawhisper.
“Justtryandbecool.”
Robinlookedupather.Shewaitedalittle,thennoddedandhetookoff,runningattheLabandwavinglikeamadman.
“Shit.”
“Don’tworry,”Shellysaid.
“Hewantedtobringhissuitcase,incasetheywanttotakeusrightoff.”
“Shit,”Shellyagreed.
Itcould’vebeenawkwardwhentheymet,liketheothertimes,carefulhandshakesandtoomucheyecontact,butPeterandLucywerewarmandopenrightoff.Theyintroducedthemselves,talkedabouthowfarthey’dcome,drivenupwithJet,theirLab,fromtheirsmalltowninWyoming.PetersetoffwithRobinandJet,stayingjustaboutinsightastheycrossedoverlonggrass.RobinkeptlookingbackandwavingtillDuchesswavedback.Duchessdidnotsayanythingwrong,justdidnotreallysayanythingatall.LucytoldhershelikedherdressandDuchesstoldherthankyou.SheaskedaboutschoolandDuchesssaiditwasnice.AndaboutlivingwiththePricefamilyandDuchesssaidthatwasnicetoo.
Thewholetimeshewatchedandworried,RobintakingPeter’shandandclutchingittight,thenpettingJetandsmilingtoowide.WhenLucymentionedtheykeptchickensDuchesshopedandprayedPeterdidn’ttellRobinthesamething.
TenminuteslaterRobinturnedandmouthedchickenstoher.DuchessgavehimasmileandRobinclappedhishands.
Theykepttoasafelimit,notalkofthepastthoughLucysaidshewassorryaboutHal,abouteverything.Shetoldhowherownmotherpassedwhenshewassmall
Whenitwastime,RobinhuggedPetersolongDuchesshadtointervene.
Robintalkedthejourneyback,notstoppingforair.HesaidPetermentionedmeetingagain,howhe’dlethimholdJet’sleashnexttime.Shellytoldhimhedidgood,thatPeterandLucysaidhowmuchtheylikedmeetingthem.
“And?”Robinsaid.
“We’llsee.ButI’vegotthatgoodfeelingagain,”Shellysaid.
Robinclappedhishands,thenhejumpedfromthecarandranupthepathtothePricehouse.Mrs.PricemethimatthedoorandsmiledforShelly.
“Youshouldn’tsayshitlikethat.Nottillyouknow.”
“It’simportanttostaypositive,”Shellysaid.
Duchessrubbedhereyes,theyearlong,theuncertaintydraining.
ShewasnotsureifshebelievedinGod,butthatnightsheprayed.
34
WALKFOUNDHERATTHEchurch.
Hestoodbythedoor,restedahandontheoldclapboardandlookedtothewater,theflowersongraves.
Marthasataloneonthefrontbench,hereyesonthestainedglassandthepulpit,thesameseatsheusedtotakeeachSundaymorningwhenherfatherwasminister.Walktookhisseatattheback,silent,notwantingtodisturbher.Hehadspentthemorningonthephone,firsttoBoyd,tofillhiminonMilton.HetoldhimaboutthelinktoDarke,thattheywenthuntingtogetherandthatMiltonwasseenenteringandleavingDarke’splace.Hecouldnotmentiontheblood,butBoydsaidhewouldworkonit,getawarrant.
Andthenhe’dcalledatriallawyeroverinClearlake,aguynamedCarter,oneofMartha’scontacts.CarterwantedameetwithVincentKing,Walkcouldnotmakethathappen.Itwaslooming,weeksaway,notlongenoughforanyonetoprepare.
“Ineedyou,”hesaid,andtheoldchurchcarriedhiswords,causinghertostop,liftherheadbutnotturn.Shefinishedspeakingwhateversilentwordsshehadchosen.
Hewalkeddown,togethertheysatbeforetheoldcrossandthesaintedneighbors
“Ineedyou.Forthetrial.”
“Iknow.”
Helookeddownathistie,goldclip,starredcollar,hehadneverfeltsoweak,ormaybehealwayshad,butdidnotrealizeittillthen.HehadseenKendrickagain,uppedthedose.Therewasnowaytostopwhatwouldcome.
“I’llmakemistakes.Andtheywillmatter.”
“Iknowit’sunfair.”
“It’smorethanthat.It’slifeanddeath.Ioncewantedtostandupfrontandhelppeoplethatway.Aportofcallwhentimesweregoodandbad.Hetookthatfromme.Myfather.”
“Youcouldhavestill—”
Shecuthimoffwitheyesfulloftears.“Ididn’twanttolivealie.”
“Miltonisdead.Thebutcher.IthinkDarkekilledhim.IthinkDarkekilledHaltogettothechildren.”
“He’sworriedtheboywillremember.”
Walknodded.“Darkecan’tcomebackherenow.Heowesmoneytopeople,badpeople.”He’druntheplates,thistimegotahit.ThesedanwasregisteredtoaconstructioncompanyinRiverside,oneofthedirectorswaslinkedtoaknowncrimefamily.Darke’sproblemswouldnotgoaway.
Shelookedathimthen.“TakeittoBoyd.Theyneedprotecting.”
“Ihave.Hestilldoesn’tbuyit.”
“BecauseVincentKingisintheway.”
“Butifhewereinnocent.Ifwecangethimoff…”
“Shit,Walk.Thebesttriallawyerinthecountrycouldn’tgethimoff.”
“IfVincentisinnocentthenDarkeiscomingforRobinRadley,notDuchess.”Walkclosedhiseyestothetremors,rubbedhisneck,themusclessostiffithurttoturnhishead.
“Youwanttotellmewhat’swrongnow,Walk?YouthinkIhaven’tnoticedallthistime.Youlooktired.You’velostalotofweight.”
“It’sjustthestress.”
“Saythatenoughandyou’llstarttobelieveit.”
“Iwon’t.”
Hewatchedanoldladypassthedoor,akneelandcrossbeforeshewenton.Maybeshesleptbetterafter.
“You’reallpurpose,Walk.Iusedtolookatyouandseeeverythinginside.”
“Iwanttobethatmanagain.Ijust…it’sallchanging.I’mlosingmyself.Ifeelit,everyday.Iusedtothinkeverythingwaschangingaroundme.IdrovepastTollerland.Hardtoimagine,allthosehomes.”
“Peopleneedtolivesomewhere,Walk.”
“Secondhomes.They’llpushthetownfurtheraway.”
“Youlikethingshowtheyare.I’veseenyourhouse.Youroffice.Youclinghardenoughtothepast.”
“Therewasatimewhenthingswerebetter.Whenwewerekids,don’tyourememberthat?Isawmylifefixed,copinthetownIgrewupin,wifeandkids,LittleLeague,campingout.”
“AndVincentacrossthestreet,maybeyourwivesarefriends.Youvacationtogether.Youbarbeque,watchyourkidsinthesurf.”
“Istillseethatmoment,thirtyyearsandit’sclear.It’sso…Icantouchit.ButIcan’tchangeit.”
“TellmeabouttheVincentyouremember.”
“There’snothinghewouldn’tdoforme.Thatkindofblindloyalty.Hehadgirls,butStarwastheoneforhim.Hewasquickwithhisfists,butneverstartedthefight.Hecouldgoquiet,sometimesfordays,andIknewhisfatherwasonhim.Andhewasfunny.Hewaseverythingtome.Hewasmybrother.Heismybrother.”
Hecouldnotreadhereyesthen.Outsidethesunshone,thebirdssang.“IthoughtI’dmarryyou,Martha.Youknowthat?”
“Iknowthat.”
“You’reonmymind.Firstthinginthemorning.AndwhenIlieinbedatnight.”
“Masturbationisasin.”
“Don’tsaymasturbationinchurch.”
“YoulikemebecauseI’msafe,Walk.I’mthemirrorofyou.Idon’tchange,nosurprises.Simpleanddependable,tillouridyllicchildhoodwasshattered.”
“That’snottrue.”
“Itis.Butthere’snothingwrongwiththat.Wehelppeople,Walk.Icanthinkofnobetterwaytolivealife.”
“Soyou’lldoit.”
Shedidnotanswer.
“Youthinkwe’dhavebeentogetherinanotherlife?”
“Thisoneain’toveryet,Chief.”Shereachedacrossandcalmedtheshakeofhishandwiththewarmthofhers.
***
PeterandLucypickedthemupfromthePricehouse.
ShellysatwiththemintheSUV,ontherearbenchbusyingherselfwithpaperworkastheydrove.
PeterandRobintalkedendlesslyduringtheride,aboutJetandhowhewasafraidofbirds,aboutapatientPetersawwhohadhiccupsafullyear.
“Didyoutryscaringhim?”Robinsaid.
“Pete’sfaceisenoughtoscareanyone.”LucywinkedatDuchessinthemirror.ForherpartDuchesssmiledback,thoughshecouldnotmanagealaugh.ThatmorningMaryLoutoldhertherewasn’tachancesomenicedoctorandhiswifewouldwantatroubledgirlintheirhouse,notagirlthatmakesshittygradesandlikesplayingwithguns.Duchesshadtakenit,eatenhercornflakesinsilencewhileMaryLouwalkedoverandyankedthepowercablefromthebackofthetelevisiontheywerewatching.
Theypulledovershortofanywhere,idlingatthesideoftheroadwhilePeterandLucyturnedintheirseats.Peterreadfromaguidebook.
“GoingtotheSunRoad.Youready?”
“Ready,”Robinsaid.
PeterlookedatDuchessandsmiled.
BesideherRobinsqueezedherhandtight.“Ready.”
GoingtotheSunRoadspannedfiftymilesoftoweringrock.Lightmetthemattheeasttunnel,twomountainspartingliketheopeningofashow.
Theycrawledalongsheerdrops,theroadtwistingtonothingahead,arollercoasterridesobeautifulDuchessclosedhereyes.
Theytraversedvalleys,waterfallsloudbeside,wildflowersomanycolors.Cliffsidetrailsfelltolimpidlakes,tallpinesleanedwiththehill,liketheyweretryingnottofall.
LucypulledoutaNikonandsnappedoffshotaftershot.Behind,ShellyleanedforwardandplacedahandonDuchess’sshoulder,gaveitasqueezelikesheknewthegirlneededit.
TheypulledoffatJacksonGlacier.Lucytookahamperfromthetrunkandlaidablanketonthegrass.RobinsatwithPeterandtheyatesandwichesandpotatochips,drankjuiceboxesandwatchedwavingshadowsoverthelagoon.
“Grandpawouldlikeithere,”Robinsaid.
Duchessatehersandwich,thankedLucyandtriedtosmile.Attimesshefeltsofarfromaplaceshehadneverbeen,likehomewassomewhereoutthereandcalling,shejustdidnotknowhowtofindit.Shewipedhereyesonhersleeve,feltLucywatchingherandmaybewondering,howfuckedupisthiskid?DoIreallywantherinmylifefornowandalways?
“Areyouokay,Duchess?”Lucysaid.
“Yes.Thankyou.”Shewantedittosoundsincerebutdidn’tknowhow.Shewantedtoconveyit,thatshecouldlivequietlyintheirlife,notdisrupt,notimpactatallsolongastheylovedherbrotherandcaredforhim.
Shestoodandwalkedtothefencing,leanedoverandwatchedshallowwaterandbluestonebeneath,purpleflowersthatbledwithbright,asweepoflodgepoleserried.
Lucyjoinedher,saidnothingandDuchesswasgrateful.
Ontheridebacktheyslowedformountaingoatandbighornsheep.
“Whatiftheyfall?”Robinsaid.
“Don’tworry,”Petersaid.“I’madoctor.”
Lucyrolledhereyes.
DuchessstudiedPeter,thewayhedrovesocautiously,hownaturalhissmilewas.Sheimaginedalifeordered,whereeverythingfitjustright.Therewasacalmtohim,unhurried,peoplewouldpasshimbyandhedidn’tnoticeorcare.Shethoughthe’dmakeadecentfatherforRobin.
WhentheygotbackshewatchedRobinhugPeter,armslockedtightaroundhiswaist.Andshesawthelookthatpassedbetweenthem,PeterandLucy.
Duchessknewitwithsomecertainty.
Theyhadfoundtheirnewhome.
35
THEYWORKEDLONGINTOTHEnight,Marthamakingcoffeeatmidnightthenagainattwo.
They’dspenttheafternooninFairmountCounty,withVincent.Marthahadrecorded,triedtocoachandpromptbuttherewasnowayVincentwouldtaketothestandsohe’dsaidnothing.Itwasanexerciseinfutility,butWalkhadhopedmaybeseeingthatMarthabelievedinhimwouldgiveVincenttheexcuseheneededtofinallyunloadeverythingthathadhappenedthatnight.
ItwasonthewayinthatCuddyhadcaughtupwithhim,handedhimanenvelope.
“Whatisthis?”Walkasked.
“Vincent.Hegotmail.Doesn’tsaymuchofanything.Thoughtyoumightwanttotakealook.”
Walkhadwaitedtillhewasaloneinthewaitingroombeforehe’dunfoldedthepaper.Aletter,typedbutnodoubtitwasfromDarke.FundsarehardtocomebybutIhaven’tgivenup.IknowI’mlettingyoudown,soI’vefoundawaytomakethingsright.Goodluckattrial,sometimeswishesdocometrue.
He’dreaditadozentimes,lookedforsomethingthatwasnotthere,somethinghedidn’talreadyknow.Darkehadaconscience,maybe.Itnolongermattered.
Whenhehandedtheletterover,Vincenthadshoveditstraightintohispocket,turnedbacktoMarthaandchangedthesubject.Alinewasdrawn,andWalkwasclearlyontheothersideofit.
Withthetrialonthehorizon,Marthaspentherdaysprepping,callinginfavors,evendrivingdowntoseeheroldprofessorwholivedinCameronCounty.
SheandWalksetupanofficeinhisbasement,coveredeverywallwithpapersandphotosandmaps.Shereadtrialtranscripts,practicedheropeningstatementsomanytimesWalkkneweverywordofit.MarthaknewtheD.A.byreputation,andknewshe’dhavebeenpreppingformonths.Thefactswerecogent:VincentKingknewthevictimandwasfoundinherhousecoveredinherblood.
TherewastalkofsubpoenaingDickieDarke,buttheycouldnotfindhim.TheD.A.alreadyhadhisstatement.Therewasnothingtyinghimtothescene,anddoingsowouldseeDeeLanecalledtothestand,andWalkwouldnotdothattoherchildren.Nodoubthewouldbecalledasastatewitness.
Theymappedoutlocallivesandwheretheyintersected.TheD.A.wouldclaimVincenthaddumpedtheguninthewater.Marthacouldprovethatwasnotpossibleinthetimehehad.Itwasasmallwin.Theyneededit.
AtnineWalksatonachairandfeltthetremorfirstinhislefthand,thenhisrightleg.Heclosedhiseyeslikehecouldwillitaway.Heslowedhisbreathingandcursedhisbodyforsuchbetrayalatsocrucialatime.
“Areyouokay,Walk?”
Hewenttospeakbutfeltitinhisface,hisjawandlips.Atingling,thenthesametrembleofhisbody.Itwouldpass,butnotintime.Hefelttears,hotandshameful.Hetriedtoraiseahandtowipethemback,beforeshesaw,buthishandwouldnotmove.
Heclosedhiseyesandwilledhimselffromthatroomandthattownandmaybethatlife.Hethoughtbacktobeingtenyearsold,ridinghisbikewithVincent,thetwoofthemcrossingeachotherandsmilingtheopenwayonlychildrencan.
Andthenhefelthandsonhis,notfirmbutthere,warm.HeopenedhiseyesandsawMarthaonherkneesbeforehim.Herbeautifuleyes,evenfilledwithtears.
“It’salright.”
Heshookhishead,itwasnotalrightandwouldnotbealrightagain.Ithadbeenadozenyearssincehecried.Butrightthen,whenhelookedaroundattheperfectmesshislifehadbecome,hesobbedlikehewasfifteenandVincenthadbeensentawayalloveragain.
“WhydoyoucarryVincentwithyou?”
“It’sonme.Thatnight,afterIfoundSissy.Iwenttohisplaceandsawthecar.Iknewrightoffitwashim.”
“Iknow.Youtoldme.”
“ButIcouldhavewokenhim.Hewouldhavehandedhimselfin.Itwouldhavelookedbetter,tothatjudgeandjury.Thejudgewould’vebeenlenient.InsteadItookittoChiefDubois.Whodoesthat?Whothefuckdoesthattotheirfriend?”
Marthatookhisfaceinherhands.“Youdidwhatwasright,Walk.Youalwayshavedone.ThewayyoulookedoutforStarevenwhenIknowshewould’vepushedyouaway,it’ssomethingspecial,todothatissomethingspecial.”
“Weendure,right.That’swhatwedoforthosewelove.”
“Theworldwouldbeabetterplacewithmorepeoplelikeyouinit.”Shespokesosincerelyhecould’vebelievedher.Butinsteadhelookedoverhershoulderattheboardandhisfriend.Theydidnothavetimeleftforanyofthis.
Hekissedher,suddenly,withoutthinking.
Hestartedtoapologizebutthenherlipsfoundhis,andtherewassomethingfranticinthewayshekissedhim,likeshe’dbeenwaitingthirtyyears.Shepushedhimback,andthenpulledhimtohisfeet,tookhishandandledhimuptothebedroom.Hewantedtostopher,totellhershewasmakinganothermistake,thatshewasbetterthanhimineveryway.Butwhenshekissedhim,hefeltit.Fifteenalloveragain.
Thenewscameinlate,Walk’scelldragginghimfromthedeepestsleephe’dhadinalongtime.Hesatup,Marthastirredbesidehim.
Helistenedinsilence,thencutthecallandlayback.
“What?”
Hestaredattheceiling.“TheautopsyonMilton.Hedrowned.Nothingelse,nootherinjuries.Hejustdrowned.”
Marthagottoherfeetquick,despitethedarksky.“Thisisit,Walk.”
“What?”
“Thegamechangerwe’vebeenwaitingfor.”
***
ThatnightRobinwokecrying,thesheetswetthrough,thenightmarethatgrippedhimsovividhecouldnotspeakforthefirstmomentsDuchessheldhim.
“ItwasMom.IwaslockedinmybedroomandIheardMomandshewasscreaming.IwantPeterandLucy.IwantMom.AndGrandpa.Iwanttogobackandforthistobethenightmare.”
Shehushedhimandkissedhishead.
Aftershehelpedhimwashshepulledplasticsheetingfromtheotherbedandtheysettledinthere.Sheleftthedrapesopenandtheywatchedanightskyofplentifulstarsandthefullestmoon.
“It’llbeokay,youknow.”
“Youthinkthey’lltakeustoWyoming?”
“Yourfutureisn’twrittenyet,Robin.Youcanbeanything.You’reaprince.”
“IwanttobeadoctorlikePeter.”
“You’dmakeagooddoctor.”
Afterhefellasleepshesatdownbythewindowandtookoutherschoolbook.Shedidherhistorypaperasbestshecould.Shewasstrugglingagain.
Shelookedoveratherbrotherandknewwithoutdoubthewasthecolortohershade.
ThenextdayastheywalkedtowardschoolMaryLoutookturnsleaningintotheotherkids’earsandwhisperingsomethingthatmadethemwrinkletheirnosestightandlaugh.
“Whatisit?”RobinsaidtoDuchess.
“Nothing.ProbablysomethingdumbshesawonTV.”
Itcontinuedthewholewalk,alongHickoryandintoGroveStreet.Theycollectedfourmorekids,theWilsontwins,EmmaBrownandherbrotherAdam.EachtimeMaryLoudidthatsamething,broughtthemcloseandwhispered,watchingindelightastheyrecoiledthenlaughed.
“Ewww,gross,”Emmasaid.
RobinlookedupatDuchessagain.“Henrydidn’twantmewalkingwiththebigkidstoday.”
“Henry’sanasshole.”
Duchessstaredatthemastheywalked,atMaryLouwhokeptlookingbackandsmirking,andKellyandEmmaandfuckingHenryandhiscuntfriends.ShefeltthatcoldleadinherveinsbegintomeltandturnmoltenastheyreachedtheschoolgatesandMaryLoutookherwhisperstoaclusterofkidsfromherclass.Theyallturned.Gigglesturnedtoopenlaughs,facespulledindisgust.
Duchessmovedthen,Robingrabbedherhandtightandpulledherback.
“Please,”hesaid.
Shekneltinthegrass.“Robin.”
Hewenttospeakandshesmoothedhiscurlsback.
“WhatamI?”
Hemethereye.“Anoutlaw.”
“Andwhatdooutlawsdo?”
“Theydon’ttakeanycrap.”
“Noonepushesusaround.Noonelaughsatus.Istandupforyou.Ourbloodisthesame.”
Fearinhiseyes.
“Youheadintoclassnow.”
Shegavehimagentlepushandheturnedandwalkedintothebuilding,reluctant,nervous.
Shestood,droppedherbagandstaredatMaryLou.Andthenshewalkedtowardher.Girlsmoved,EmmaandKellyandAlisonMyers,theypartedforherbecausethey’dheardthestories.
“Youwanttotellmewhat’ssofunny?”
Boyscameoverandfannedoutaroundthem.
MaryLoudidnotbackoff,justcarriedthatsamesmirk.“Youstinkofpiss.”
“What?”
“Yourbed.Itwasyoulastnight.Isawmymotherwashingthesheetfromyourbed.Youpissedyourselflikesomeretard.”
Duchessheardthebellring.
Noonemoved.
“Idid.”
Thereweremurmurs,laughterandacoupleofshoutsshecouldn’tmakeout.
“Youadmitit?”MaryLousaid.
“Sure.”
“See.Itoldyouitwasn’tbullshit,”shesaidtoKelly.Thensheturnedandthegroupbegantomove.
“ButyouknowwhyIdidit?”
Theystopped,headsturned.
MaryLouwatchedher,uncertainofwhatwascomingbuttensingup,ready.
“Soyourfatherwouldn’ttouchme.”
Stonesilence.
“Liar,”MaryLousaid.
KellyandEmmainchedaway.
“Youfuckingliar.”ShescreamedthenranatDuchess.
MaryLouwasusedtoshovingmatches,maybesomehairpulling,nothingmorethanthat.Shedidnotcountonmeetinganoutlawintheschoolyard.
Duchessdroppedherwithonesavagepunch.
MaryLoucrumpled,hertoothinthegrass,theotherkidsholleringasbloodspilledfromhermouth.
Duchessstoodstillandcalm,watchingherprey,kindofhopingshe’dgetupandthey’dgoagain.
Whenitwasdone,whentheprincipalandtwoteachersranoutandtookalookatMaryLou,beatenbloody,toothmissing,thenewgirlstandingoverherandsmiling,theyhauledherinsideandcalledthePricesandShelly.
Duchesssatalonewaiting,wishingHalwouldwalkdownthehallwayandstraightenouthermess.OutthewindowshewatchedMontanaskyandwonderedaboutWalkandtheCape,whatkindofskytheysawthatmorningwheneverythingchangedonceagain.
Mrs.Pricearrivedcrying,herhusband’sarmaroundher.
“Nomore,we’renotdoingthisanymore,”shesaidbetweenbreaths,glaringatDuchesslikeshewantedthegirldead.
Mr.Priceglaredtoo,soDuchessflippedhimoff.
Shellygotthereandhuggedher.Duchessstoodstillanddidnothugherback.
Theadultsconvenedintheprincipal’soffice,goldplaqueonadoorsoheavyDuchesscouldmakeoutnothingmorethantheoddraisedvoice.Mrs.Pricegoingoff,outofmyhouse,notonemorenight,safetyofmyownchildren.
DuchesswascalledinoncethePricessteppedout,lookingawayastheypassedher,likeshedidnotlivebeneaththeirroof.
Shellyaskedheraboutwhatshesaid,aboutMr.Price.Shetoldthetruth.ShesaidittoshutMaryLouup.Shellybackedherasbestshecould,thelosinghorsebutstillshethrewsupportherway.
Theprincipalwasaghast,graveallegations,noplaceforviolenceintheirschool,shewouldnotbewelcomeback.
Duchessflippedhimoffforgoodmeasure.
“Youalright?”Shellysaid,astheywalkedfromtheschool.
“I’malive.”DuchessdidnotlikeleavingRobinthere.
SheclimbedintoShelly’scarandsatsilentastheydrovetothePricehouse.
Mrs.Pricestoodintheirkitchen,onguard.Mr.PricehadrunMaryLoutotheemergencyroomtobecheckedoverandseeabouthertooth.Threatsweremade,legalandotherwise.Duchesswasushereduptotheattictopacktheirbelongings.Itdidnottakelong.Hercasehadbeenreadysincethedaytheyarrived.
SheleftthehousewithoutsayinganotherwordtoMrs.Price,whostoodonthestep,dabbingathereyes.
Shellydroveinsilence,backtotheoffice,wheresheworkedthephonemadlywhileDuchesssatonanoldwoodenchairandwatchedhourspassby.
AtthreeShellyheadedoutandleftDuchessunderthewatchofacoupleofolderladieswhosmiledherwayeverytenminutes.
ShellyreturnedwithRobin.He’dbeencrying.
Atfivetheygotaplace.Shellyspokewithoutemotion,tiredandbeatenbyahundredotherfiles,othercases,otherlivesjustaslost.
“It’sagrouphome,”shesaid.
36
THEHOUSEWASGRAND,GREEKrevival,DoriccolumnssotallDuchessfeltsmallbesidethem.
Anacreoftendedgrassrantoquakingaspenboldgreenagainstspringsky.DuchesssatonabenchwithRobinwhileplaneswrotetracksintothesky.Shellywasinside,meetingwithalargeblackladynamedClaudette,andsheseemedtorunwhateveritwasthatneededrunning.YouthGuidanceHome.
Robinwasquiet,resignedastheyarrivedatthehousebutnervousenoughtokeepholdofhissister’shand.
“I’msorry.”Shesaiditwithsuchsadnessinhervoicethatheleanedhisheadonhershoulderforamoment.
Therewereotherkidsandtheyplayedagameofsomethingcomplex,aballandthreehoopsandabat.Duchesswatchedfortwentyminutesandcouldn’tfiguretherules.Sheknewthelookintheireyesthough,kidslikeher,thedamned.Theydidn’toffersmilesornods,justwentabouttheirdaylikeitwouldbeamiracleiftheymadeitthrough.Therewasaladyoutsideonthestreet,holdingontoagirlnobiggerthanRobinandstaringatthehouse.Shehadthewirystrung-outlookofauser.
Ahalfhourlatertheyatetogetherinadiningroomthatsmelledofahundreddinnerschokeddownbyahundredkids.Robinpushedhisfoodaround.
Therewasacommunallounge,aTVinthecornerrunningamovie.Acoupleofgirlssatonabrownsofaandwatched,eatingpopcornbutmostlyignoringeachother.
Intheothercornerwasachestspillingwithtoys,rangingfromstackingcubestopuzzles.
“Goplay.”
Robinwalkedover,headdown,andpickedupastorybookfartooyoungforhim.Hesatcross-leggedonthefloor,turningthepagenowandthen,milesawayfromhissisterandthatroom.
InthehallwayshefoundShelly.
“IknowwhatIdid.IknowIfuckeduptoobad…”
ShellywenttorubherarmbutDuchesssteppedback.“Whatwillhappennow?”
“Idon’t—”
“Justsay,Shelly.Justtellmewhatwillhappentomeandmybrother.”
“Thishomeisforgirls.”
Duchessshookherhead.
Shellyraisedacalminghand.“ClaudettewillletyoustaywithRobin,onaccountofhisage.”
Duchessbreathedagain.“WhataboutPeterandLucy?”
Shellyswallowed,lookedaway,atRobin,atanywherebutDuchess.
“Didyoutellthem?”
“Ihadto.Peter…he’sadoctor.AndLucy,attheschool.They,whatyousaidaboutMr.Price.Theycan’triskthe—”
“Igetit.”
“We’llkeeplooking.Wejustneedtofindtherightfit.”
“Idon’tfitanywhere.”
ThelookinShelly’seyesalmostbrokeher.
Robincameout,theywalkedalongthehallwayandupthestairs.
Theypassedbedroomswithkidsinside,agirlreadingastoryaloudandhersisterlisteningintently.Thewallswerecolored,pastelshadesofpinkandyellow.Picturestackedtocorkboards,familyshotsoffallenfamilies.
Theirroomhadwhitewallsandthecorkboardwasbare,theirtimethereunwritten.TwobedsDuchesswouldlaterpushtogether,thecoversstripedwithrainbowcolors.Anemptyclosetandchest,awickerbasketfortheirwashing.Thecarpetwassquaresthatfittogetherlikepuzzlepieces,easytoliftoutiftheygotstained.
“Youwantmetohelpyouunpack?”Shellysaid.
“Igotit.”
Robinstoodinthecenteroftheroom,lookedupatthewindowthenpulledthedrapestocutfallinglight.Heswitchedonthelampandthenclimbedonthebedandcurledawayfromthem.
“WhenwillPetercome?”hesaid.
ShellylookedatDuchessandDuchesstoldheralright,sheshouldgonow.Shellysaidshewouldbebackthenextdaytoseethemsettled.
Duchesswentovertohimandputahandonhisback.“PeterandLucy.”
Heturnedthen,satupandstaredather.
Shesaidnothingmore,justshookherhead.
Herearedfast,cursedherwitheverywordheknew.Helashedoutandcaughthercheekhard.Shekeptherhandsdown,justclosedhereyesasheyelledandscreamedthekindoftruthsthatnolongerhurther.Sheknewthemalready.Shewasabadsister.Shewasabadperson.Hecriedsomuchheshook,hisfaceinthepillow,screamingforalifesoclosethatforafew,blissfulweeks,hehaditinhisgrasp.
Duchesswaitedforhimtocryhimselfout.Ittookalongtime.Shefeltbloodonhercheekwherehehadcaughther.
Whenhefinallysleptshetookhissneakersoffandcoveredhimover,andworriedshehadnotbrushedhisteeth.
Thatnightsheheardnoise,someoneasnewasthem,acrossthehallinthesmallroom.Crying,thenClaudetteandcalmingwords.
Duchessscootedoverintoherbrother’sbedandwatchedhim.ShethoughtofThomasNobleandhowhewouldnotbeabletofindthemnow.Shedidnotknowhisaddresstowritehim.ShecouldaskShellybutsheknewshewouldnot.Shewasnothingmorethanafootnoteinhislife,inDolly’s,inWalk’s.Sheleftnolastingimpression,herimpactuglybutmercifullybrief.
“Duchess,”Robinsatupright.
“It’salright.”Shestrokedhishair.
“Ihadadream.Thatdreamagain.Ican’tworkoutwhatthevoiceissaying.”
Shelayhimbackdown.
“SometimesIforgetwhereIam.”
Sheplacedherhandonhishearttillhecalmed.
“Butyou’rehere.”
“I’mhere,”shesaid.
Hereachedupandtouchedherface.“DidIdothatmarkthere?”
“No.”
“I’msorry.”
“Youneverneedsaythattome.”
Springdriftedtowardthepromiseofsummer.AsWalkandMarthapreparedfortrialtheRadleychildrenstartedatyetanothernewschool,rodethebuswiththeotherkidsfromthehomeandsettledintotherhythmsofanother,fetteredlife.DuchessstilltendedtoRobin,caredforhimlikeamotherbutdidsowithoutfuss,settingabouthertaskslikeitwasallshewasgoodfor.Shetriedherbesttosmileforhim,topushhimontheswingandplayhisgames,runaroundthebigyardandhelphimclimbtheoak.Butshecouldnotoutrunhermistakes,feelingtheyweredestinedtosinknotonlyherbutnowherbrothertoo.
Shellystillmadehervisits,Robinsmilingwhenherhairchangedfrompinktoacobaltblue.HeaskedafterPeterandLucyateveryvisit,evenaskedfortheiraddresssohecouldwrite.Duchesshelpedhimwiththeletter.Hetoldthemheknewheandhissisterwerenottherightfitfortheirfamily,andthatitwasokay.HeaskedafterJet,askedhowhotitgotoverinWyomingandhowJetkepthimselfcool.Hesignedoffwithlove,thendrewapictureofthegrouphome,andofhimandDuchess.Stickfigureswithwidebubbleheadsandstraightmouths,asifdeepincontemplationofwhatmighthavebeen.HemadeDuchesssignhernametoo.ShescrawledDuchessDayRadley,Outlawbeforehemadehercrossthelastwordout.
ShereceivedapostcardfromWalk.He’dbeenintouchwithShellyandshe’dfilledhimin.HewroteheraboutCapeHaven,howitwasallquietwithouther,hiswritingsosmallshealmostcouldnotreadit.
ThecardwasashotofCabrillo,BixbyCreekBridge,thearcinBigSur,thewaterbelowbreakingsohardshecouldhearit.Shetackedittotheircorkboard,alongwithaletterthatarrivedfromPeterandLucyaweeklater.Theysaideverythingandnothing,toldRobinitwashotterthanHadesandLucyhadgotsunburntendingtheyard.Robinhadmadeherreaditfivetimes,eachpepperedwithquestionsshecouldnotpossiblyknowtheanswersto.Theysignedoffwithadrawingoftheirown,RobinandDuchess,frommemory.Lucywasadecentartist,butshemadethesmilesalittletoowide.AlongwiththelettertheyenclosedaphotoofJet.ThatnightRobinsleptwithitbyhisnightstand,wakingacoupleoftimesandcheckingitwasstillthere.ThenextdayDuchesstackedittothecorkboardandtheircollectiongrewalittle.
Duchessbegantotentativelythinkofthefuture,notherown,butRobin’s.Hergradesfellagainasshedriftedtowardthelowerendofherclass.Theotherchildrenleftheralone,knewshewasfromOakFairsomightwellbegonesoonenough.
AndthenonedayaboynamedRickTidebegantoseekherout.ItturnedoutRick’scousinwasKellyRaymond,MaryLou’ssidekick.Rickheardthestory,thenhegaveitadressingandsentitonitsway.BythetimeitmadeitbacktoDuchessshe’dbeenresponsibleforMaryLoulosinganeye.ForherpartDuchessletitslide,evenwhenRicktrippedherinthelunchlineandsentherandherfoodtothefloor.
AdaylatershepoppedRickhardenoughtosendhimtothenurse.Shellywascalledanditwassmoothedover.TheprincipalknewenoughaboutRickTidetokeepitfromspillingfurther.
ShewasexcusedforthedayandShellytookherintoMainStreet,wheretheysatoutsideaburgerjointanddrankshakeswhilethetrafficcrawledpast.Theroadwasconedforanupcomingparade.Flagswerestrungandabannercrossedfromonebuildingoverthestreettotheoppositeside.
“BerryParade?SoundsabouttheshittiestparadeIeverheardof.”
Shellysmiled.“Youknowwhattodayis?”
“I’vebeenfollowing.”Thefirstdayofthetrial,she’dbeenonthecomputerwhenthehousesleptandreadallshecould.
“Youalright?”
“Sure.Halsaidit’dbeoverquick.They’llputhimtodeath.”
Shellysighed,herheadtiltedalittle.
“Spillit,”Duchesssaid.
“What?”
“Whateveritisyouwanttosay.”
Shellyhidhereyesbehindsunglasses.“Ineversplitsiblings.They’realwaysbetterofftogether.”
“JesseJamesandhisbrotherFrank,theyrobbedbanksfromIowatoTexas.CopsgottheirgangatNorthfield,onlythebrothersescaped.Theylookedoutforeachother.”
Shellysmiled.“I’vebeendoingthisjobtwentyyearsnow.Workedallover.I’veseenallsorts.Theypassthrough,ontheirwayout,ontheirwaybackin.I’veplacedhundreds,eachtime…Icried.Imadeitmylife,anditshouldbe.But—”
“There’snosuchthingasabadkid,right?”Atraceofpaniconhervoice.
“You’renotbad,Duchess.”
Atruckpulledup,thesamecolorasHal’s.Duchessfeltthepaininhergut.
“Robinissix.That’sagoodage.That’sarealgoodage,butitdoesn’tlast.Hardasthatistosay,andtothinkeven.”
Duchesssethermilkshakedownandstaredintoit.
“DoyouknowwhatI’msaying,Duchess?”
“Iknowwhatyou’resaying.”
Shellyfishedatissueoutofherbag,liftedherglassesanddabbedathereyes.Shelookedolderthen,liketheyearshadrunherdown,theweightofsuchprivileged,abjectresponsibilitynightandday.
“IwoulddiebeforeIletgoofmybrother.”
“It’snotaboutlettinggo.”
“It’sabouttrustinghiscaretosomeoneI’venevermet.AndI’venotmetmanydecentpeopleinmylife.Idon’tliketheodds.”
“Igetthat.”
“Isitaselflessact?”
Shellylookedupather.
“Isit?”Hereyesdesperatenow.“Isitaselflessacttodothat?He’ssosweet,youknow,he’ssogoodandsweetandheneedsabettersisterthanme.Canyougivehimthat,Shelly?I’mlosinghim,he’sturninghard.Ican’tletthathappen.Hegetsupinthenightandheneedsme.Hecallsout.AndifI’mnotthere—”
Shellypulledherinandheldhertight.
“Fuck.”
“It’salright.”
“It’snot.Noneofitis.”
“Iwouldneverdoittoyou,Duchess.Iwouldn’tdoanythingwithouttalkingtoyoufirst.AndIcanseethisisn’tright.Siblingsneedtostaytogether.I’llkeeplooking.We’llfindtherightfit.IpromiseI’llkeeplooking.”
37
WALKANDMARTHADRIFTEDTHROUGHthreedayssotorturoustheydrovebacktoCapeHavenandlayawakeinWalk’sbed,unabletoclearthepaintedpicture,theprisonerthatspentthirtyyearsplanningrevengeonthegirlhecouldnothave.
Openingstatementswerebrief,planslaidout,sevenminutesforMartha,eighteenfortheDistrictAttorney,EliseDeschamps.Deschampswasimpressive,lengthylistofcredentials,smartclothes,blackhairframedapaleface.Sinceritypouredfromherassheapplaudedthejury,toldthemsheworkedforthem,forthestateofCalifornia,andforStarRadleyandherorphanedchildren.Shewastheirvoice,theirjustice.Proofwouldbeoverwhelming,premeditated,cold-blooded.VincentKingwasamurderer.Hetookthelifeofachild,thenthelifeofafellowprisoner.Killingcameeasy.Theywouldseetheyhadnochoicebuttofindthemanguilty,and,indoingso,passonasentenceofdeath.Itwouldnotbeeasy,butsheneededthem.TheRadleychildrenneededthem.
Deschampswasskilled,alumnaofYaleLaw,flankedbytwoassociateswhowatchedandscribbledandnoddedattherighttimes.
Clerks,bailiffs,theartist,thereporters.Asmallcollectiontowatchaman’sfatedecided.
Despitethegrandtheories,theexpertwayDeschampslulledthejury,thefactspresentedwerehardandincontestable.Shebroughtinthepathologistfromthestatecrimelab,whoreeledoffqualificationssotoweringMarthamovedtocallyeah,hecouldbeconsideredexpert.Deschampsbarked,JudgeRhodeshandledthingswellenough.WalksmiledasMarthaheldherground.HesawVincentdothesame
Thepathologisttookthemonthekindofjourneythatsawphotosdealt,jurorsshakeheads,onecried.Hedetailedblows,hardenoughtobreakthreeofherribs.Hetrackedthepathofthebullet,thekillshot,intothechest,likelyshewasdeadbeforeshehittheground.Chartsoneasels,anatomyspelled.
AfingerprintguytookthemthroughprintsliftedfromtheRadleyhouse.VincentKinghadbeeninthekitchen,hallway,livingroom.Theyliftedonefromthefrontdoor.Afteranhourthejurytired.ThatVincentKingwasatthescenewasneverinquestion.
Anotherexpert,ballistics,ahiredguntotalkguns.Andthenofthegunitself,thoughitcouldnotbefoundthebulletpulledfromStarRadley’sbodywasa.357Magnum.
AndthenDeschampsran,liketheyknewshewould.Shepulledoutpaperandwaveditroundlikeitwaslit.VincentKing’sfatherhadagunregisteredinhisname,aRugerBlackhawk.Sheaskedthejurytoguessthecaliber,thetypeofbulletitfired.Walkwatchedthemcloseandsaweachofthemfollowtheballwayoutofthepark.
OnthecrossMarthatriedtoscoreminorpointsbygettingtheguytoadmitthe.357Magnum,thoughalittlelesscommon,couldstillbepurchasedwidely.Thedamagewasdone.
DeschampswentontodetailStar’slife,difficultchildhood,heryoungersister’stragicdeathandthenhermother’sowndeath.Sherecountedtheevents.VincentKingsatthereimpassive,onlyclosinghiseyeswhenshetalkedofthestripofwoodlandwheretheyfoundthatlittlegirl’sbody.Lefttodie,coldandalone.AndthenontothesuicideofStar’smother,howStarhadfoundher,howthatmighthavefelt.And,finally,brighterpromise,troubledthoughshewas,shedotedonherchildren,DuchessandRobin,nowsettledintoagrouphomeinatowntheydidnotknow,ataschoolwheretheyhadtostartover,athousandmilesfromhome.Anotherphoto,thethreetogetheronthebeach,Walkhadtakenithimselfonararedayofcalm.
Walkwascalledasastatewitness,alongwithahandfuloffirstresponders.Firstonthescenehetookhisseatinthehallowedhall,clearedhisthroatandtoldthetruthinallitsugly.BloodonVincent,calminhisvoice.Hedidnotslantdetail,justlaiditoutandglancedathisfriendnowandthen.Vincentofferedhimaslightsmile,it’salright,youdoyourjob,Walk.
Aftereightdaysthestaterested,WalkandMarthawenttothebaracrossfromthecourtroom,wheretheytookaboothinthebackandpickedatfriedshrimpfreshfromthefreeze.
“How’sVincentdoing?”
“Ohhe’sjustswell,”Marthasaid.“I’vegothalfamindtoputhimonthestand,letthejuryseehowcalmheis,wecallinsanity,paddedcellfortherestofhislife.Beatstheneedle,right?”
Walkpickedupashrimp,studiedit,placeditbackonthegreasedpaper.“Howlongwillyoutake?”
“Acoupleofdays.I’llsaymypiece,callmypeople,andthenthey’llgetthecaseandthey’llputhimtodeath.”Shestaredintohersoda.
“You’redoinggood,Martha.Really,youlookgoodupthere.”
“Trynottolookatmyasssomuch.It’spredatory.”
“It’stheshoesthatgetme.YourcommitmenttoChuckTaylor.”
Shereachedintoherbagandpulledoutabottleofhotsauce.
“You’rekiddingmewiththis.Youactuallycarryitwithyou.”
“Doublesupasmace.”Shepouredliberally.“YounoticeI’mwearingacross.”Shepointedtohernecklace.“Jurorsthree,nineandten,they’reactivechurchgoers.”Shehaddonetheconsultingherself,satthroughtwodaysoftorturousselection,struckacouplethat’dlikelyvolunteertoexecutethemanthemselves,movedforliberalsonlytoseeDeschampsrepaythecourtesy.
“Thatgun.”Shesighed.“Thebullet.Likeitwasn’tbadenough.”
Walktookasteadyingbreath.“Ihavefaithinyou.”
“You’rejusttryingtogetinmypants.”
Walknoticedsheseemedanxiousthenextmorning.TheystoodwhenRhodescamein,tookhisseatonthegrandchair,betweentheflags.
VincentsatupfrontinacheapsuitthatWalkhadpickedout,notie,heflatrefused.
Marthacalledherowndoctorfirst,Mr.Cohen.She’dhelpedhisdaughteroutofabindonce,anothersorrystoryofadeadbeatassholewithquickfists,butCohenwasgratefulenoughtorepayhislittlegirl’ssavior.
TheywentthroughphotosofStarRadley’sinjuries,bothnotedtheseverity.Andthen,thephotographsofVincentKing’shands.Slightswellingontheright,butlikelyold,andlikelyfromanaltercationVincenthadgottenintoafewdaysprior.
OnthecrossDeschampsgotCohentoadmithecouldnotsayforsurewhentheswellingoccurred,andthatamanofVincent’ssizecouldinflictinjuryjustaseasilywithanopenhand.
Marthamovedontotheissueofgunshotresidue,broughtinherexpert,aforensicscientisthiredonWalk’sdime,hisdwindlingsavingsamassedfromastaidlife.Shewasyoungbutconfident,heldtheroomasshespoke.Sheranthemthroughthescience,elementalcomposition,thechainreaction,theplumeexpelledduringgunshot.NoresiduewasfoundonVincentKing.
Marthalookedonduringthecross,watchedherexpertadmittheresiduecouldhavebeenwashedoff,thefaucetwasrunningafterall,sweatedoff,notbeenthereinthefirstplaceifVincentKinghadlefttheroomrightafterfiring.
Walktooktothestandonceagain.Thistimehesmiled,admittedhewasVincent’schildhoodfriendbutthatwasalongtimeago.Hewasactuallytheonewhoturnedhiminallthoseyearsback.Hisdutywastoupholdthelaw,andhewouldn’tletanythinggetinthewayofthat.
AndthenMarthasteppedtothefront,tookabreathandfiredherownkillshot.
Thebutcher.
Milton.
Deschampsnarrowedhereyesandstraightenedupalittle.
MarthahadWalkdetailMilton’searlylife,howhisfatherwasabutcherintheshophewentontorun.Walksaidhewasanoutcast,thekindofkidthatotherscrossedthestreettogetawayfrom.Deschampsobjected,citedhearsay,butthepointwasmade.
Thatoutcasthadturnedintoatroubledadult.Hewaslonely,tothepointwhereheoftengottalkingtovacationersandaskedthemtogohuntingwithhim.Yes,Miltonlikedtohunt.Shedetailedtheweaponsregisteredtohim,thelistwaslongandWalkwatchedthejurorsexchangingglances.
“WouldyousayyouwereclosetoMilton?”Marthastoodbythejuryboxasshespoke.
“Ilikedhim.Ifeltbadfortheguy,healwaysseemedalittledesperate,butIjustfiguredhewasshy.Hedidn’thavefriends,noonehecouldcallon.”
“Sohecalledonyou?”
“Sometimes.Wewenthuntingtogether,justtheonce,Iliketheeatingbutnotthekilling.”
Acoupleoflaughs.
“Sohewasproficientwiththeseweapons.”
“Morethanthat.Isawhimbringdownamuledeerfromathousandyards.Themancouldshoot.”Walkaimedhisansweratjurorone,whohuntedtheMendocino,justlikeMiltonusedto.
Marthamovediton,establishingthatMiltonlivedacrossfromStar,howheusedtolendherhistruckandtakeouthertrash.
“Ithoughtitwasdecentofhim,”Walksaid.“Shehadsomeonelookingoutforher.”
“Someoneotherthanyou?”
“Yeah.”
Walkmethereyethen.Shewasdoingwell.Hewasproudofher.
MarthacalledtheirattentiontoexhibitC.
“Canyoutellmewhattheseare,ChiefWalker?”
Walkranthemthroughit,whathe’dfoundinMilton’sbedroom.Someofthejurorsshooktheirheadsatthem,photosofStarinvariousstatesofundress.
“Andhowmanyofthesewerethere?”
Walkblewouthischeeks.“Alot.Hundreds.Theywerecataloguedbydate,goingbackfar.”
“Anobsession.”
Deschampslookedlikeshewantedtoobjectbutheldtight.
“Itlooksthatway,”Walkagreed.
“NowyousaidMiltonhadatelescope.”
“Hesaidhelikedtowatchthestars.”Walksaiditevenandwaitedforthejurorstocatchit.
“Butitwasn’ttrainedonthesky?”
Deschampsstood,saidnothingandsatagain.
“Sowhatdiditaimat?”
“StarRadley’sbedroom.”
“Andthecataloguing,howrecentdiditgo?”
“UptothenightStarwasmurdered.”
“Andthephotosfromthatnight?”
“Missing.Theyhaven’tbeenfoundyet.”
Marthaeyedthejurors.“AndwhatdidMiltonsaywhenyouaskedhimaboutit?”
“Ididn’tgetthechance.Wepulledhisbodyoutofthewaterlastmonth.”
Gaspsthen,loudenoughforRhodestoquietthem.
“Hedrowned,”Walksaid.“Nosignoffoulplay.”
“Suicide.”MarthaletthewordhangthereasDeschampsgottoherfeetandscreamedherobjection.Marthawithdrewit,butnotbeforeithadregisteredwitheveryoneinthatcourtroom.
Deschampstriedhardatredirect,colorinhercheeksasshegotWalktoadmittheyhadn’tfoundMilton’sprintsattheRadleyhouse.Hecould’veworngloves.Walkdidn’tneedtosayit.Theguywasabutcher,heworegloves.Therewasnostretchrequired.
Themoodwasbetterinthebarthatnight.Walkorderedthemburgersandtheyateincontentedsilence.Marthalookedtired,thepressuresogreat.TheytalkedalittleaboutVincent,andhowhehadn’treactedtoMilton,justsattherelikealways,eyesdown,ignoringthestares.
“Itwasagoodday.”
Marthachewedthestrawinhersoda.“It’sstilltoomuch,Walk.”
Helookedup.
“There’stoomuchtoignore.Idon’twantyoutogetyourhopesup.Thiscasewasneverwinnable,butwe’vedoneallwecan.Miltonwasfortunate,asbadasthatsounds.Butit’lltakemore.Thegun,thebullet.Thehistorythere.Thebloodonhishands.Shit,I’dconvicthimifIdidn’tknowhim.”
“Butyoudoknowhim,right?”
“Thejurydon’t.”
Hewalkedheroutandstalledbyhercar.“Youwanttocomeback?”
“Closingargumentstomorrow.Earlynightforme.”
Herwatchedherleave,thenclimbedintothecruiserandheadedbacktothestation.Itwaslate,Leahdone,theplaceindarknessbuthehadn’tstoppedbysincethetrialbegan.Hefoundastackofpapersonhisdesk,hitthelightsandslumpedback.Hefishedthroughthemail,openedacouplebeforehecametoit.VerizonCommunications.Darke’scellphonerecord.Boydhadcomethroughforhim
Therewerepagesgoingbackayear,numberssosmallWalkhadtosquint.He’dgetbackonitoncethetrialwasdone.Heflippedthem,eyesblurringasheyawnedandstretched.Hedidn’texpecttogetanything.
Butthenhefoundthedate,December19th,thedayHaldied.Itdidn’tregisteratfirst,hiseyesglossingoverdigitsheknewwellenough.
Hefocusedagain,expectedtoseesomethingdifferent.
Andthenhedroppedthepapertothedesk.
ThecalltoDarke’scell.
IthadcomefromtheCapeHavenPoliceDepartment.
Shecried.Hewatched.
Theysatintheyard,theCapeslept.Shehadbeenawake,theshadowbeneathhereyestoldhimshedidnotsleepanymore.
Sheblinkeddarktearsofmascara.
Afullmoonabove,highlightedthesorrow.LeahTallowwipedhereyes,sniffed,criedsomemore.Hehadwalkedovertothehouseinsilence,tryingtofindanotheranswer,desperatelysearchingforit.
“Youwanttotellme?”
Therewasnoattemptatlying.Shestaredatthegrass,calmsetin,likeshe’dbeenwaiting.“We’vestruggledforalongtime.”
Hedrewalongbreath,hopingtostaveitoffamomentlonger,knowingonceitcameitwouldchangethings.
“It’smoney,Walk.”
Hewatchedthetorturedlook.
“Ed.Thebusiness,it’sallgone.”
“Gone?”
Shelookedup.
“Connectthedotsformehere,Leah.”
Shestaredbackatthehouse.“TallowConstruction,it’sbeeninEd’sfamilyseventyyears.Hetookitoverfromhisfather,whotookitonfromhisgrandfather.Itusedtoturnadecentprofit.Itusedtoemployhalfthetown.Jesus,Edstillhasfifteenmen.Wepaythemoutofoursavingsmostmonths.
“AndthenEd’sfatherdied,andheleftusthehouse,onFortuna,secondline.Notmuch,alotforus,butnotallthatmuchintherealworld.”
“Youcould’vesoldthebusiness,cuttheloss.”
“Edwouldn’t.Helovesthistown,Walk.Likeyoudo.Butweneedthechange,thenewhomes,thenewmoney.Andyoublockedit,youandtheothers,youvoteditdownwheneveryoucould.”
“LastIheardit’llgothroughregardless.”
“Butit’stoolateforusnow.Youburiedus,youknowthat.”
Heletthatsitawhile,wonderedathisrole,hisneedtokeepCapeHavenfrommovingonwithouthim,withoutVincentandStarandMartha.
“Darke?”hesaid.
Thenshetookabreath.“HeboughttheFortunahousefromusforcheap.InreturnhehadthecontractslinedupforEdtopullitdown,andtherestofthestreet.Construction.Edwouldgetthem,allthosehomes,condos,itwouldsaveus,Walk.AndsavetheCape,therealCape,thelocalsthatwerebornhere.”
“Butit’sgonenow.Allofit.”
“Notyet.”
“Idon’tunderstand.”
“TheKinghouse.Theinsurance.DuchessRadleyhasthetape.IfshejustgivesitbacktoDarkethentheinsurancewillpayoutandwe’llgetitback.”
Heletthatsettle,hismindspinning.“Howmuch?”
Leahswallowed.“Allofit.Thehouse,secondchargeonthecompany,creditcardsandloans.Shit,everything,Walk.Wecouldn’tevenaffordtokeepmeon,that’swhyIpickupalltheextrashiftsatthestation.”
Walkwatchedthemoon,thenglancedbackatthehouse.“DoesEdknowwhatyoudid?”
“No.Ikeepthebooks.Edisafuckingidiot.HethinksIdon’tknow,thewomen,alwaysperfumeonhim.”
“Yousoldoutachild.”
Sheshookherhead,thetearsfallingfaster.“Hewouldn’thurther.Youdon’tknowDarke.”
Hewantedtotakeherhand,despiteeverything,he’dknownheralifetime.Hesteeledhimself.“Howdidyoufindthem?”
Emotionlefther,shewenton,callousfactslaidbare.“Thecall.IknewitwasMontana,Ifiledyourreceipts.Thegasstation.AndthenHalsaidthenameoftheschoolonthephonewithyou.Andthelakebythefarm.”
“Youlistenedin?”hesaid,stunned.Thefactstookhisbreath,herubbedhiseyes,thebackofhisneck,felttheheatinhischeeks.Hestood,felthiskneesweakandsatagain.“Yourhandsarebloody,Leah.Andforwhat?Foryourhusband’sbusiness.”
“Forthem,”shesaid,loud,andpointedatthehouse.“Formykids.Forallthefamilieswesupportinthistown.It’sjustatape,afuckingtape,Walk.Duchessburnedtheclubdown.Weallknewit,butyoudidn’tdoanythingaboutit.”
“That’snot—”
“Itis,Walk.Youknowitis.YouandStarandyourfuckingmisguidedloyaltytoVincentKing.Starwashisgirl,youpromisedtowatchoutforher.Iknowthat.Youtoldmeyou’ddoanythingforyourfriends.Sameasinhighschool.Ifyoudidyourjob,ifyoubroughtthegirlinand—”
“Where’sDarkenow?”
“Idon’tknow.”
Hewatchedher.
“Idon’t.Iswearit.”
“Duchess.He’sstilllookingforher?”
“It’saboutthemoneywithhim,it’salwaysaboutthemoney.Hewouldn’tstop,withmyhelporwithout.”
HethoughtofMarthathen,athome,runningoverherclosingargument.
“Hekilledaman.That’sonyou.”
Shecriedhard.“Ican’tthinkofthat.”
“Shit,Leah.”
“There’speopleinourlivesthatwe’ddoanythingfor.Youknowthatbetterthananyone.”
ThatnighthewalkedthestreetsoftheCapetillsunbreachedthenightskyandthedayfoundhim.HestoppedbytheRadleyhouse,Milton’splace,MainandSunset.HestoodbytheKinghouseandthoughtofitbeingknockeddown.EvenifDarkedidn’tcomethroughwiththemoneythensomeoneelsewouldbuyitforless.Hethoughtofshootinghoopsonthedriveway,ofhidingoutintheoldatticandlookingatRichKing’sPlayboys.Therewasachancetheyhaditright,thatMiltonhaddonewhatMarthasaid.MaybeVincentwasinstitutionalized,ormaybehejusthatedhimselfsomuchthathe’dratherbeputtodeaththangoonlivingasafreeman.Therewerestillsomanyquestionswithoutanswers.Heknewtherewasachancehe’dcoloreditashadeitneverwas,butstill,hefeltitinhisbones.VincentKingwasinnocent.Andhewouldn’tleaveittochance.Notanymore.He’dcomesofar,hewouldgettothefinish,evenifitcosthimhissoul.
38
THATMORNINGWALKSTOODINfrontofthemirrorandshaved.
Hewatchedthebasinfill,hisfaceemerged,pale,gaunt,sick.Hedidnotdwell,justsplashedhischeekswithicywaterandtookalongandheavybreath.AndthenhedrovetoLasLomas,andtookhisseat,andignoredthelooksandwhispers.
LeahTallowwasledin.
Shelookedcalm,makeuphidthenightbefore,simpledress,heels.ShemetWalk’seyeasshepassed,hedidnotsmile.
Martharanherbackground,howshe’dworkedadminatCapeHavenPDforfifteenyears,sometimesdispatch.Partofthefurniture,likeWalkandLouanne.Shespokeconfidently,stutteredacoupletimesbutWalkcouldseethejurylikedher.
He’dcalledherearly,toldhereverything,she’dagreedinasecond.Atruceofsomekind,therepercussionscouldwait,butthiscouldnot.Andthenhe’dcalledMartha,andtoldher.Andinhervoiceheheardthedoubts,andheknewwithsomecertaintythathewasjeopardizingeverythingtheybothhelddear.
“Thesystem…it’sarunningjoke.Let’sjustsayWalklikesthingshowtheywere,nothowtheyshouldbe.”
MarthasmiledatWalk,whoraisedhiseyebrows.Jurorsevencaughtitandlaughed.
“SoI’vebeentryingtooverhaulitforyearsnow,tryingtogetthefileroomsortedout.Seetheybroughtinnewtemplatesfouryearsback,newformsandcoding.AndthewayWalkdoesit…Imean,thereisanorder.Organizedchaos.”
Deschampsstood,Rhodesmovediton,Marthaapologized.
“SoI’vebeenatitthreemonthsnow.I’mupto1993,andthat’swhenIfoundit.”
Marthaheldupthepaper.Deschampsobjected,thejudgecalledthemovertothebench.WalkheardheatinDeschamps’svoice,redfaceassheturned,shookherheadonceandreturnedtoherseat.Rhodesalloweditintoevidence.
“Canyoutellmewhatitis?”Marthasaid.
“It’sabreak-inreportfromNovember3rd1993.NumberOneSunsetRoad,theresidenceofGracieKing.”
“VincentKing’shome.Thehousehereturnedtoafterhisrelease.”
“Yes.”
“Doesitsaywhatwasstolen.”
“Yes.ChiefWalkerwasthorough,likealways.HewentthroughitwithGracieKing,Vincent’smother.Turnedoutsheforgottolockthesafe.Theytooktwohundreddollarsincash,agoldbroochandsomediamondearrings.Andahandgun.”
“Ahandgun?”
“Yes.ARugerBlackhawk.”
Murmurs,tillRhodesquietenedthem.Deschampswentbacktothebar,arguedsomemorewiththejudge.ItgotheatedenoughforRhodestocallafifteen-minutebreak.
Walktookthestandnext,didnotneedtointroducehimselforrunhiscredentialsagain.Martharanhimthroughthebreak-in.Hespokewithcalm.HedidnotmeetVincent’seyeonce,thoughfeltthestare.
AndthenDeschampswasup.“Ifeelalittleblindsidedhere.”
“Leahonlyfounditlastnight.Sheworkseveningssometimes,whenherhusbandcanbehomewiththekids.Itbothershermorethanme,thesystem,Iknowwhereeverythingis.”
“So,ChiefWalker,ifyouknowwhereeverythingis,howcomeyoudidn’tbringthistoattentionearlier?”
“Iforgotaboutthebreak-in.”
“Youforgot?”Shelookedatthejury,confusiononherface.“YougrewupwithVincentKing.Youknewthefamily.Youusedtovisithiminprison.Itdoesn’tstrikeme,withallthat’sgoingon,assomethingyou’dforget.”
Walkswallowedandtookalastbreath.Heknewitwouldchangeafter.Allofit.
“I’msick.”
Helookedaroundtheroom,reportersattheback,alineofwatchers.Hefeltthequiet,theeyesonhim.
“IhaveParkinson’sdisease.Mymemoryisnotwhatitwas.Ihaven’ttoldanyoneyet,thoughtIcoulddealwithit.IguessI…IguessIdidn’twanttolosemyplace.”
Heglancedatthejuryandsawcompassion.AndthenacrossatVincent,whowatchedhimwithsadeyes.
Andthenhelookeddownatthebreak-inreport,andheknewthatiftheystudiedit,iftheylookedhardenough,they’dseeaslightleantothescrawl,likeitwaswrittenwithashakinghand.
***
Closingstatementsbeganatfive,Rhodessaidhe’drathergivethejurythecaselatethanmoveintoanotherday.Marthawasupfirst,andshetookthefloor,everyeyeonher.Shedidn’tusenotes,Walkcouldimagineshe’dhadalatenight.Shewasbrief,she’ddetailedthefacts.ShespokeofStarandthetragedythatbecameofher.ShetalkedoftheRadleychildren,andhowtheydeservedjustice,butfortherightperson.AndthenMilton,thefactscouldnotbedenied.Shepaintedaportraitsotragicallyaccuratethatthejurorssatmesmerized.AndthenontoVincent.Sheaskedthemtoimagineenteringtheprisonsystematfifteenyearsold,afrightenedchildinaprisonwiththedarkestmen.Shespokeofhisregret,hisbattletoservethehardesttimehecould.Maybehewasinstitutionalized,maybehedidkillamaninself-defense.Andmaybehedidmakethekindofmistakeyoudon’teverdeservetorecoverfrom.Butthatdidn’tmeanhe’dkilledStarRadley.Andhissilencedidnotspeakofguilt,butratheracrushingself-hatredthatburnedsofiercehe’dratherbepunishedforanother’scrimethantakehisplaceinaworldwherethechildhe’dkilledcouldnot.
***
Athousandmilesfromthatcourthouse,Robinfoundtheyellowflowerfromarabbitbrushandbroughtitback.Duchesshelpedhimflattenit,thenpinittotheirboard,besideJet.Sheplacedanarmaroundhim,hermindelsewhere.RickTidehadbegunagain,tryingforarise,akidthatdidnotknowwhentoquit.He’dspitonherback,toldherthatwasfromMaryLou.She’dgonetothebathroomandwashedhershirt,thoughtofWalkandhowhe’dtoldhertobegood.
ThateveningaftertheyateDuchesstookRobinouttotheswingsetinthebiggardenandpushedhimbeforeasunthatsatblazingbeyondthetrees.Hesquintedandsmiledandshetoldhimhewasaprince.
Thenshehelpedhimreadyforbed,brushedhisteethandreadhimachapterfromastoryaboutapignamedWilburandaspidernamedCharlotte.
“He’sanemotionalpig,”Robinsaid.
“Heis.”
Thatnighttheysaidaprayer.Robinlookedovertohissisterandshemadehimclosehiseyesandsteeplehisfingers.
“Whydidwepraytonight?”heasked.
“Justcheckingin.”
Afterhefellasleepshecreptfromtheroom.Shepassedthebeds,theforgottenchildrenslept,deadtotheworldforthoseprecioushourswhentheycouldforgettheirplaceandoccupyanother.
Theroomindarkness,justthetelevisionglow.Sheflippedchannelstillshefoundtherightnewsstation,andwatchedasreportersgatheredoutsidethecourthouse.
She’dcalledWalk,collect,hesoundedbeatashetoldherthejurywouldthinkonit,thattheycouldcomebackanytimeatall.Sheguesseditwassoon.
Hermindrantohermother,tothepastyearandallthatcamewithit.
Sheturnedandsawherbrotherstandinginthedoorway,hiseyesfixedonher.
“You’renotinthebed.”
“Sorry.”
Hewalkedoverandsatbesideher,andtheywatchedscenessodistantitwashardtobelievetheirconnection.
Theysawreportersfill,cuttocommercials.Insilenceshesatandwonderedwhatwasonherbrother’smind.WhentheyretunedtheyranthroughthetrialanddetailedthingstheydidanddidnotknowabouttheirmotherandaboutVincentKing.
Whentheverdictflashedredshesatup,heartbeatingfast.
“Whatdoesitsay?”
“Theysaidhedidn’tkillMom.”
Shewatched,mouthslightlyopen,asthereporterfoundajuror.Themanlookedtired,butstillmanagedasmile.HedetailedthetestimonyoftheCapeHavenChiefofPolice.Howthecophadfoundabreak-inreportthatshowedthesuspectedmurderweapon,agunonceownedbythesuspect’sfather,couldnothavebeeninthepossessionofVincentKing.Thejuryhadbeenonthefence,itgavethemtheouttheyneeded.
Shegotapaininherstomachthen,sobadshepressedafisttoit.“Walk.Whatthefuckdidyoudo,Walk?”
Robinnestledcloseandshekissedhisheadandquestionedeverythingshethoughtsheknewabouttheworld.Ithadtiltedonheragain,theconceptoftruth,theimplausibilityoffair.
Andthentheysawhim.
AndRobinstood.
Onthescreen,accompaniedbyasmallwomaninasmartsuitandChuckTaylors,wasVincentKing.
Theroomlitwiththeflashofthecity’scamera.Aninnocentmanbeingledtoawaitingcar.
“Whatisit?”sheaskedherbrother.
Heshook,hiswholebodytrembledashestruggledforbreath.
Hebegantocryasdarkpooledandspreadfromhispants.
Shedroppedtoherknees.“Robin.Talktome.”
Heshookhishead,clenchedhiseyesclosedtight.
“It’salright.I’mhere.”
“It’shim.”Breathless.Crying.“Iremember.”
Shecuppedhisfacegently.“Whatdoyouremember?”
Hestaredpasther,atthescreen.“Vincentwasinmybedroom.Irememberwhathesaid.”
Shewipedhistearsashefinallymethereye.“Hetoldmehewassorryforwhathe’ddonetoMom.HetoldmetosaynothingorI’dregretit.”Heclosedhiseyesandsobbed.Sheheldhimtight.
Sheledhimbacktotheroom,puthiminthetubandshoweredhimoff,thendressedhiminfreshpajamasandtuckedhimintothebed.
Heslept.
Andthenshepacked.
InherbagshefoundaphotoofStarwiththem,oneofsofew,intheiryardbarefootandlaughing.Shetackedittothecorkboard,alongwithaphotoofHal.
Shecrackedtheblindtostars,andthentookherseatatthefootofhisbed,whereshesatfornighthourssolongandquickassherecountedtheirtime.Shethoughtofhisbirth,firststepsandwords.Allthewayshemadeherlaugh.Hisfirstdayofschool,howshetaughthimtotossafootballintheirsmallyard.
Shestayedtillfirstlight,hewouldnotwakealoneinthedark.
Shepulledherbagtothedoorandproppeditgentlyopen.
Thenshereturnedoncemore,andsheheldbackhertearstillshecouldnolongerbreathe,cursedherselfandpulledatherhairlikethemadgirlshewas.Hadsheaknifeshewouldhavecutherselfdeep.Shedeservedittohurt.Shedeservedallthepain.
Sheleaned,kissedherbrother’shead,toldhimtobegoodassheslippedfromhislife,likesomanybefore.
39
WALKSATATHISDESK,foundthebottleofKentuckyinthedrawer,unscrewedthecapandtookalongdrink.
Heclosedhiseyestotheburn,didn’tfeelallthatmuchlikecelebrating.Vincenthadgonerighthome.Hedidnotspeakontheride,hedidnotsmile,justshookhandswithMarthaMay.Walktoldhershedidgood,methereyeandknewthatMarthaknew.Victorywashollow.Thedistrictattorneyhadstormedfromthecourtroom.
Hedrankalittlemore,tillthenightsoftened,hisshouldersdropped,hisbodystoppedexhaustinghim.
Helookedoveratthestackofpaperspiledhighonhistray,goingbackayear,mostlyroutine,hehadignoredallbutVincentKingandDarke.Theonethingtheyhadn’tliedaboutattrialwasthestateofWalk’soffice.
Hepulledthestackandbegantothumbpages,Louanne’sscrawl,trafficviolations,vandalism,possibletrespass.Hefoundithardtofocus,hardtorecognizewhatusedtoberoutine.Hecaughtacoupleofmemosfromstate,andthen,amongstitall,hesawamessagefromaDoctorDavidYuto,returninghiscall.
Walkscannedhismind,thefrustrationgrowingbeforehesettledontheautopsyofBaxterLogan,themanVincenthadkilledinFairmont.
Hecheckedhiswatch,sawitwaslatebutdialedthenumber.
Themanansweredonthefirstring,turnedoutYutowasworkinghislastweek,preparingthingsforhissuccessor,twodecadesyounger,morethanalifetimelessexperienced.Theymadealittlesmalltalk.WalkranovertheLogancase,ittookYutoaminutetolocatethefile,amanwhoknewtheorder.
“Whatmoredoyouneedtoknow?”Yutosaid.
“Idon’t…Iguessthedetail.Ijustwondered—”
“Weweren’tasstringentbackthen.NoDNAtolookfor.Inotedcauseofdeath.Headtrauma.”
Walksippedhiswhisky,hisfeetontheolddesk.“Sothatwasit.Onepunchand—”
“Notonepunch.NotthewayLoganlooked.”
Walkstaredintotheglass.
“IrememberCuddycalled.Ofcoursehewasyoungthen,hehadn’tyettakenoverfromhisfather.ButhetoldmenottowastethatmuchtimeonLogan.Sexoffendersaren’tallthatpopularatFairmont.Inotedcauseofdeathandmovedontothenext.”
“Thebeating…wasitbad?”
Yutosighed.“It’sbeenalongtimebutsomeofthem,youjustdon’tforgetsomeofthem.Teethgone,botheyesocketsshattered.Hisnosewasbrokensobadlyitpressedflattohisface.”
“Butitwasafight.VincentKingwasfightingforhislife.”
“I’mnotsurewhatyouwantmetosayhere,ChiefWalker.Itwasafight,butLoganwasbeatenlongafteritwasover.”
Walk’smindrantoStar,threeribssnappedlikethat.HethankedYutoandhungup.
Heswallowed,tastedthewhiskystill,histhroatdryingup,heartbeginningtoraceaway.Hestood,leftthestationandmadethewalk,nightnow,nothingtoseebutdistantlightridingthewaves,thesteadypullofboatscrossingthebay
Hebreathedsaltwind,movedslowenough,triedcollectinghisthoughtsbuttheyranandformedpictureshedidnotwanttosee.AlongBrycewoodAvenue,neighborsheknewfromthesummersbefore,whenthetownwashis.
HestoppedattheendofSunsetwhenhesawVincentacrossthestreet,backtohim,movingfast,darkjeansandshirt.Hethoughtofcallingout,insteadfollowed,farenoughback.Hewonderedhowthemanfelt,deathtolife.
Alongthestreetandup,twominutesandVincentclimbedoverthegraywall,dry-laidstone,jaggedagainstsoftstreetlight.Hewalkeduptothewishingtree,notbreakingstride,justbentquick,andthenhewasup,glancingbackandaround.
Acaratthetopofthestreet,fallingheadlightsupandoverthehill.Walkmovedintotheshadow,Vincent,spooked,movedon,atpace,awayfromthebeams,intothenight.
Walkwatchedthecarpass,andthenheclimbedthewallanddroppedtolonggrass.Atthetreehefeltaroundblind,thentookouthiscellandlitthebase.
Thehole,closetothedirt,smallenoughtomiss.
Heknelt,reachedahandin,andpulledoutagun.
40
“THOSEFOOTPRINTSONTHEMOON,”ThomasNoblesaid.“TheApolloastronautsmadethemandthey’llstaythereforatleasttenmillionyears.”
Shesawskynolongerendless.Sheknewaboutsoulsandtheprophetic,aboutdivinereunionandaworldtocome.ShetriednottothinkofRobin,ifhewokethatmorningfrightened,sheswallowedalumpofsuchbittershameshealmostcriedout.
“Wherewillyougo?”
“Ihavebusinesstoattendto.”
“Youcouldstayhere.”
“No.”
“Icouldcomewithyou.”
“No.”
“I’mbrave.Itookablueeyeforyou.”
“ForthatIwillalwaysbegrateful.”
Theylayattheendofhisyard,thewoodlandbehindmadeshadowsofthem.
“Whatyou’vebeenthrough,”hesaid.“Itisn’tfair.”
“Yousoundlikeachild.Thenotionoffair.”Sheclosedhereyes.
“Youknownothinggoodwillcomeofanyofthis.”
Astarbledfromthesky.Shedidnotmakeawish.Wishingonstarswasforchildren,andDuchessknewshewasnolongeroneofthose.Shewonderedifsheeverhadbeen.
“Allthesepeople,”Duchesssaid.“Theyspendalifetimelookingtotheskyandaskingquestions.DoesGodintervene,ifhedoesn’t,whydotheystillpray?”
“Faith.Thehopethathewill.”
“Becauseotherwiselifeistoosmall.”
Hespokeagainquietly.“Iworryyouwon’tfindawayback.”
Duchesswatchedthemoon.
“IusedtoaskGodaboutmyhand.Why?Thatkindofthing.IusedtoprayI’dwakeupnormal.Youknowwhat,thosewerewastedprayers.”
“Maybethey’reallwasted.”
“Stayherewithme.I’llhideyou.”
“Ihavetodosomething.”
“Iwanttohelpyou.”
“Youcan’t.”
“Youwantmetojustletyougoalone.Isthatbrave?”
Shetookhisgoodhandandtheylinkedfingers.Shewonderedwhatitwouldbeliketobehim,histroublessoslight,hismotherinthehousesleeping,hisfuturesounblemished,sowideopenlikethat.
“They’lllookforyou.”
“Notallthathard.AnotherWelfarerunaway.”
“Youdeservetobefound.AndwhataboutRobin?”
“Please,”shesaid,soclosetotheedge.“Theymightcomeseeyou.Cops.TheymightcomeaskyouwhereIamandwhereI’mgoing.You’llthinkabouttelling,thatyouknowwhat’sbest.”
“AndifIdo.”
“Youdon’t.”
Shelaytillmorning.Hismotherleftearly,dressedinworkoutgear,herLexuscreepingsilentfromthedrivewayasThomasNobleopenedthebackdoor.
DuchesswentintotheNoblehouse,washedupandatecereal.
Therewasasafe,ThomasNobletookfiftydollarsandhandedittoher.Shefoughttosayno,hestuffedthebillsintoherhand.
“I’llpayyouback.”
Shefilledherbagwithacoupleofcans,beansandsoup.Shemovedfast,sawShellywasmovingfasterbecausethetelephonerangandthemachinepickeditup.
Theylistened.
“Shesoundsworried.”
“Shehasathousandmorelikeme.”
Atthedoorshesawbagsreadytobepacked.ThomasNoblewouldgoonvacationinafewdays.Hewouldforgether.Hislifewouldgoon,shesmiledatthatthought.
Outsidethestreetwoke,garbagetruckatoneend,mailmanattheother.
ThomasNoblewheeledouthisbicycleandleaneditagainstthegate.“Takeit.”
Shewenttosaynobutheplacedahandonhershoulder.“Justtakeit.You’llgetfurtherbeforetheypickyouup.”
“I’llbeaghost.Ialreadyam.”
“WillIseeyou?”
“Yeah.”Theybothknewitwasalie,heletitgo,leanedforwardandkissedhercheek.
Shegotonthebike,bagoverhershoulder,allshehadintheworld.
“Later,ThomasNoble.”
Heraisedhisgoodhandassherodedownhisdrivewayandintothestreet.Thenshepedaledhard,notlookingback,windstreakingherfaceassheleftthelightroadsbehindandsoughtoutthedark.
AnhourandshewasonMainStreet.SheleftthebikeoutfrontofJacksonHollisFuneralParlorandsteppedinside,thecentralairhittinghersohardherskinpricked.
“Duchess,”Magdasaidwithasmile.“Nicetoseeyouagain.”
Magdarantheplacewithherhusband,Kurt,amanthatsharedpallorwithhisclientele.Hemusthavebeenwithsomeonebecausethedrapewaspulled,thecoffinshid.
“Iwantedtocollectmygrandfather’sashes.”
“Iwonderedwhenyou’dcome.Shellysaidshe’dbringyouoneday.”
“She’sinthecar.”DuchessnoddedtowardaNissanacrossthestreet,parkedatananglethatblockedtheview.
Magdaheadedoutbackandreturnedaminutelaterwithasmallurn.
Duchesstookit,turnedtoleaveasthedrapespartedandDollycameout,Kurtbehind.Duchessslippedoutandontothesidewalk,madeitalmosttoCherry’sbeforeDollycaughtupwithher.
“Duchess.”
Dollyledherinsideandsatherdowninthecorner.Shewenttothecounterandorderedforthem.
Dollyhadaged,makeupnotquitesoperfect,hairnotcurledsoneat.Shestillworethenames,Chanelbagandshoes.
“I’dsayit’snicetoseeyoubackhere.”
“But.”
Dollysmiled.
“I’msorryaboutBill.Ididn’tknow.”
“Hewasready.TurnedoutIwasnot.”
Duchess’sbaglayopen,theclothes,thecans.Shepulleditclosedandzippedit.
Dollylookedatherwithsadness.
“Whatwillyoudonow?”Duchessasked.
“Burymyhusband.BeyondthatIhaven’tgivenitmuchthought.Thereweretrips,placeswewantedtosee.Idon’tknowifI’lldoitalone.Buthehadagoodlife,that’sallwecanask,right?”
“ThomasNobletalksaboutfair.”
Dollysmiled.“Igetthat.”
“Fairmeanssomeoneisincontrol.”
“Iheardabouttheman.Itwasonthenews.Ithoughtofyou,andofRobin.Maybethat’swhatThomasNoblemeant.Abouthowsomeonegoesthroughlifecausingpaintoothers,andsomepeoplejusttryandgeton.Thetwoalwaysseemtocollide.”
DuchessthoughtofDolly,herlife,herfather,impressioncast.“Halsaidthatmanwasthecancerofourfamily.Hisreachisfar,tomeandRobin.Tomybrother.Ican’t…”
Dollyreachedoverandclosedahandoverhers.“Maybeyoudon’tchoosewhoyougettobe.Maybeit’spredefined.Someofusareoutlaws.Maybewefindeachother.”
“Andmaybeit’sallnothing.Nooneincontrolbutthepersonwillingtogooutandtakewhattheywant.”
“Doyouknowaboutjustice,Duchess?”
“Three-FingeredJack.Herodefivehundredmilestoavengethedeathofhispartner,FrankStiles.”
“Butwhatdoyouthinkitmeans?AndIdon’tmeandefined,Imeanwhatdoyouthinkitmeansforthepeoplethatgethurt.”
“Anend.Icouldtakeitbacktobreathing.ButIknowthat’snotenough.”
“AndforRobin?Whatdoyouthinkhewants?”
“He’ssix.Hedoesnotknowwhathewants.Hedoesnotknowaworldbeyondtheimmediate.”
“Andyou?”
“Iknowtoomuch.”
Thewaitresscameoverwithtwococoasandasmallcupcakewithasinglecandleinit.Sheplacedthemdown,winkedatDuchessandthenreturnedtothecounter.
“Happybirthday,Duchess.”
Duchessstaredatthecake.“Youdidn’tneedto—”
“Hush,now.It’snoteverydayagirlturnsfourteen.Youneedtomakeawish.”
WhensherealizedDollywouldnotquitsheleanedforward,closedhereyesandblew.
Outsidetheywalkedtheshadedsideofthestreet.WhentheygottotheparlorDuchesspickedupthebicycleandwheeleditalong.
Dollystoppedbesidehertruck.“There’salotIshouldsayhere.”
“ButnothingIdon’talreadyknow.”
“Willyoucomebacktothehouse?There’ssomethingI’dliketoshowyou.”
“Ican’t.Ihavetogeton.”
“Anothertime.”
“Sure.”
Dollytookherhand.“Promisemeyou’llstopbyoneday.”
“Iwill.”
“AndIknowyou’llmakegoodonthat.Anoutlawisonlyasgoodasherword.”Dollylookedfrailthen,writtenwithconcern,likeDuchesswasevenclosetobeingherproblem.
“IcancheckonRobin.”
Duchessnodded,aslighttrembleinherlowerlip.Shewouldhavetogettougherforwhatwouldcome.
“Youstaysafe,Duchess.”
AndthenDollyreachedintoherbagandtookoutherpurse.AsshebegancountingbillsDuchessgotonthebicycleandrode.
SheturnedattheendofMain.
ShewavedandDollyraisedahand.
DuchessmadeittoRadleylandanhouroffnoon,legsburning,T-shirtdampthrough,hairslickeddown.Sheburiedthebikeingrasslandbythegatesandwalkedslowlyupthewindingdriveway,beneaththeprayingtrees,besidethedeadwater.
ShethoughtofRobin,ifhewasatschoolnow,ifShellywaswithhim.Ittookallshehadnottobreakfromherpath,returnandfalltoherkneesandtakehiminherarms.She’dkeptonephotograph,himsmiling,ayearbackwhenhishairwaslonger.Shetookitfromherbagassheclimbedtheoldporchstepsandsatontheswingingseat.
Therewasaboardbackonthegates,SULLIVANREALTY,therewouldbeanauctiononedayinthefutureandsomeoneelsewouldmovein,takecareoftheland,runthesametiredcircle.
InthedistanceDuchesswatchedelk,clusteredlikealwaysatthefootofthehills.Thefieldsneededtending.ShethoughtofHaloutthere,alifetimealone.
Attheredbarnsheopenedthedoorandsawhistoolsstillwheretheywere,nothingofvaluetoanyone.Shecrossedintotheshadeandwalkedtotheruganddraggeditback.
Shepulledupthedoorinthefloor,itwasheavy.Sweatdrippedfromherchin.Sheproppeditandwalkeddownthesteps.
Alowstore.Gunsonshelves,ariflerack.
Anoldleatherchair,Hal’splacewherehecouldbealone.Besidewasasmalltable,andonitathickstackofletters.Shethumbedthem,settledonthelastandopenedit,andasshedid,twopapersflutteredtotheground.Shepickedthemup,twohalvesofacheck.Shepressedthemtogether,swalloweddry,amilliondollars.Post-dated,acouplemonthsafterthetrialwasduetostart.Thesignaturewassimple,morelikeprint.RichardDarke.OnthebackshesawVincenthadendorsedit,signedstraightovertoHal.
Sheplaceditallback,thoughtofthecostofatonement,warmedbythethoughtofhergrandfatherrippingitintwo.
Shestood.
Acrossshesawboxes.
Shewalkedover,tookakneewhenshesawthecoloredwrappingpaper.Gifts.Shecheckedthetags,sawherownnamescrawled,andthenherbrother’s.Thereweredatesoneach,goingbackeachofheryears.Shesatbackonthelowrungandtoreoneopen.Adoll.Thenanother.Apuzzle.ShedidnotopenanyofRobin’s.
Shestalledatthelastone,datedthatday.Sheopeneditwithcare,tookthelidfromitandswallowedwhenshesawwhatwasinside.
Sheliftedthehatoutandadmiredit.Leatherstudsontheband,ventedcrownandfour-inchbrim.Shethumbedthetag,theintricategold.
JohnB.Stetson.
Andthen,slowly,sheplaceditonherhead,thefitperfect.
Shetooktwoguns,hersandoneofhis.Shetookaboxofbullets,thekindhe’dshownher.
Whenshewasdonesheplacedeverythingback,loadedherbagandfelttheweight
Hisashesdriftedawaybythewater,inthespottheysometimessat.
Shesteeledherselfanddippedherhat.“Solong,Grandpa.”
41
WALKSPENTADAYDODGINGcallsfromabove.
Newstraveledquick,hewouldbesummonedtoGovernorHopkins’sofficewherethey’dtalkoverhisreplacement,nodoubtofferhimadeskjob.Threecallssofarthatday,liketheyranwiththeassumptionhewasnowherenearfittoserve.
Hesatathisdesk,thefilespreadout,Milton’sbloatedfacestaringathim.Themanhadnofamilytospeakof,adistantauntthatlivedinacarefacilityinJackson.He’dcalled,she’dclaimedshedidnotknowaMilton.
Helookedupwhenhesawheratthedoor,triedasmilebutitwashard.
Marthaclosedthedoorbehind.
“Youbeendodgingmycalls,Chief?”Shesaiditwithasmile.
“Sorry,I’vebeenbusyhere.”
Shesat,tiltedherheadandraisedhereyebrows.“Truth?”
“Ihaven’tbeenabletofaceyou.”
“Youhustled.”
“ButIdidn’twanttohustleyou.”
Shecrossedherlegs.“I’llgetoverit.Webothwentintothiswithoureyesopen,right.”
“Ithinkmemorethanyou.”
“I’vegotbusinesscominginnow.Fuckersondeathrowwantmetoruntheirappeals.Forgetit.Givemedeadbeatmenandbroken-downwomen.They’remybreadandbutter.”Sheranahandthroughherhairandhewatchedeverymove.
Shereachedover,triedtotakehishandbuthedrewitback.
“Talktome,”shesaid.
“Whenwestartedthis,Ionlysawtheend.IsawVincentwalkingfreeandtheclockrollingback.Thatwasenoughforme.Thatwasmyendgame.I’msick,Martha.Mycells,they’redying.What’shappening,thisistheearlystage,it’sjustthestart.”
“Iknowthat.”
“Doyou?I’vereadup,spokentothedoctor,seenothersinthewaitingroomfurtherdownthelinethanme.”
“Sowhatareyousaying?”
“Idon’twantyoutobeacarer.Iwantmoreforyou.Ialwaysdid.”
Shestood.“Yousoundlikemyfather.LikeI’msomelittlegirlthatdoesn’tgetasayinherownlife.Ichoose…you’remychoice.AndIthoughtIwasyours.”
“Youare.”
“Bullshit.Youchooseyourself,yourfuckingnoble,dependableself.”
Helookeddown.
Shewipedhereyes.“I’mnotsad,I’mmad.You’reacoward,Walk.That’swhyyouleftitallthistime.”
“Ididn’tthinkyou’dwanttoseeme.”
“Well,Idid.”
“I’msorry.”
“Don’tfuckingsaythat.Alltheseyearsyoucould’vereachedout,comeseenme,shit,evenpickedupthephone.ItwasVincentthatmadeyou,likehealwaysdid.”
“That’snot—”
“WhenIaskedyouabouttheVincentyouremembered,youhighlightedthegood,anddidn’tsayshitaboutallthetimeshefuckedStarover.Allthegirls,allthetimesshecriedonmyshoulder.Youusedtocoverforhim,evenliedtome.Youalwayscoveredforhim.”
“Itdidn’tmeananything.”
“Iknowthat.I’mjustsaying,you’velivedthepastthirtyyearsforsomeoneelse.Isn’tittimeyoustopped?”Shestrodetothedoor,thenstoppedandturnedandjabbedafingertowardhim.“Whenyou’redone,whenthepitypartyisoverandyoufindyourballsagain,youcallme.”
ThedooropenedandMarthabrushedpastLeahTallow,whoturnedandwatchedherleave.
“Isshealright?”
Hestood,closedthedoorandusheredLeahintothechairopposite.Sheworenomakeup,hairpulledup,facedrawn.
Hetookhisseat.
“Areyousureyouwanttodothis,Walk?”
“Yes.”
Hewatchedasshedialedfromaburnercell.
Darkedidnotanswer.Leahwaitedforthemechanicalvoicemail.
“Iknowwheretheyare.Callme.”Leah’svoicecaughtasshespoke.Tearsfellasshecuttheconnection.
“Whenhecallsbackyougivehimthisaddress.YoutellhimthekidisfriendswithDuchessandmightknowwheretofindher.”Walkslippedherapieceofpaper,thehandwritingjustaboutlegible.
“Don’tdothis,Walk.I’llspeaktoBoyd,I’lltellhimeverything.”
Hewatchedher,whatwasleft,andhetriedtohateherbutcouldnot.
***
Sheknewtoheadsouth,tothebiggertown,FortPryor,wheretherewasabusstation.Shedidnotknowhowfarfiftybuckswouldgether,sheguessednotfarenough.MaybeIdaho,Nevadaifshewaslucky.Shedecidedrightofftolooknofurtherthanthedayahead,anymoreandthetaskathandrearedupandpushedherback.
Sherodesingletracks,keptherpaceslow,whentheclimbsbeganshegotoffandpushed,whentheydroppedshewentwiththem,handpullingthebrake,cautious
Montesse,CometPark,areasofoutstandingbeautyallhiddenbyenvelopingtreesandshadow.Prettyhousesspacedfarapart,yellowsignscallingforvotesonKeystonepipelinesthatwouldpumplifeintostallingtowns,thefewtrucksoutsideagrocerystorenothingmorethanthetwitchofdeath.
Twomilesfromanywhereshegotaflat.Ablowthatbroughtherclosetotears.Shetriedtomoveonward,thebikeslownow,eachpedaldoubletheeffort.
ShecursedasshedumpedThomasNoble’sbicycleinthewoodlandbesideJacksonCreek.
Shesatonafallentree,atebreadalreadyturninghard,dranktherestofherwater,thenmovedoffonfoot,hersneakersnotuptotheland,theskinpulledfrombothheels.
Shepassedfarmhousesandpatchworkfields,everyshadeofgreenandbrown,Trinitychurchesthatstillhadbellsandpeopletoringthem.Foramileshetrailedanoldcouple,ramblinggear,longsticksandeasysmiles.Shelistenedtoeachoftheirsteps,thoughshekeptoffthetrailsheatleasthadsomesenseofdirection.Theywouldbeheadingsomewhere.Shewasstillsureitwassouth.
Shelostthem,cursedagain,feelingweakandthrown.
Shecametoaroadsobigandlongandemptythatshestoppedbesideandtiltedherheadtowardthesky.
Andthentheoldcouplereappeared.HankandBusyfromCalgary.Retired,vacation,stayingatmotelsandhikingtrails,lookingthrougholdeyesatnewsights.
Shefellintostepwiththem,gavethemhalfastory,howhermotherwassickandshewasheadingintothehospitalinFortPryortoseeher.Theygaveherwaterandacandybar.
Busyspokeabouthergrandchildren,sevenofthemscattered,abankerfareast,adoctorinChicago.Hankwalkedinfrontlikehewasscoutingtheland,movingbranchesfortheladies,hisneckredfromthesun.
Hanknoticedherlimp,soonhadheronthegrasswhilehefishedthroughhisbagandfoundpadsthathetapedtoherheels.
“Poorgirl.”
Theymovedagain.HankhadamapandhepointedoutLakeTethan.
“Anotherlake,”Busysaid,andmadeeyesatDuchess.
“IusedtoliveinatowncalledCapeHaven.WhenIwassmall.”
“That’saprettyname,”Busysaid.Shehadpowerfulcalves,hikinglegs.Abroadface,handsomenotsoft.“Doyourememberitwell?”
Duchessbattedblackflyfromherfaceastheyemergedonanothertrail.“No.”
TheycrossedRoute75andtookaroadnotwiderthanatruck.ShedidnotquestionasHankmovedwithsuchpurpose.TheywerestayinghalfamileoutofFortPryorandwouldgethertheresafely.Shewasdueluck.Longdue.
“Doyouhaveanysiblings?”Busyasked.
“Yes.”
DuchesssawBusywantedtoaskmore,sawitinthesadsmileandwateryeyes.Sheletitgoandthemomentdriftedhighabovethem.
Anhourofwalkingandtheycametoasetofgatesatthecurveofaroadthatclimbedsofaritsendcouldnotbeseen.BesidehoneysuckleandflowersthatweredyingtheypushedthroughbecauseHanksaidtheyshouldstopforalittlebit.
Thehouseemergedlargeandstately.Theywalkedtothefrontandlookedupatthestone,blocksbiggerthanherhead,windowsornateandpretty.
HanklookedaroundandDuchesswatchedhim,clutchingherbagtightandcheckingherguns.
“ThehouseisAttaway,Hanklikesarchitecture.”
Hankpulledoutacameraandsnappedoffadozenshots.
Theycircledtothebackandsawneatandlongbodiesofwaterthatstretchedtowoodlands.
“Smoke,”Busysaidandpointed.
Itrosefromafirebytheclearing.Anothercouple,sameage,samelookintheireyes.Likethey’dfoundheavenadecadebeforetheyweredue.Introductionsweremade,NancyandTomfromNorthDakota,hadanRVbackatHartsonDambutwantedtoseetheAttawayhouse.
Theyategrilledhamburgers.DuchessthoughtofRobin,checkedherwatchandsawhewouldbeeatingnow,alone.Hewouldnoteatwithouther.Shegotapaininherstomachsobadsheclutchedit.
Atsunsettheymadeittothemotel.FortPryorwasaten-minutewalk.Hankfilledherhandswithcandybarsandanotherbottleofwater.Busyhuggedhertightandtoldhershe’dprayforhermother.
Duchesswalkeddowntown,herfeetachingalittleless.Darkfellonthemountainbehind,acoupleoflights,adiner,StockmanandBob’sOutdoor.
Shefoundthebusstationonthecorner,acrossfromabodyshop,shinycarslinedasstreetlightbouncedfromtheirhoods.Insidewasablackladyatthecounter,notbusyenoughforDuchess’sliking.SheguessedShellywouldhavecalledthecopsandmaybetheywould’vetakenalookatthefarm,spoketoThomasNoble,shedoubtedthey’dhaveputanythingmoretogether.
“HowfarcanIgetwithfiftybucks?”
Theladypeeredoverherglasses.“Whichwayyouheading?”
“South.California.”
“Youalone?Youdon’tlookoldenoughto—”
“Mymotherissick.Ihavetogethome.”
ShewatchedDuchess,tracingherfeaturesforsomething,theliemaybe.Decidedshedidn’tcareenoughsoturnedtohercomputer.
“Buffalo,it’llsetyoubackforty.”
Therewasamapbehindplexiglass.DuchessfoundBuffalo.Itlookedalongwaybutnowherenearfarenough.
“Itdoesn’tleavetillmorning.Youwanttothinkonit?”
Duchessshookherhead,pushedhermoneyoverthecounter.
“We’reclosingupsoon,”shesaid,asDuchesseyedthecushionedbench.“Yougotsomewheretogo?”
“Yes.”
Shehandedovertheticket.
“WheredoIgofromthere?”
“Youwantthequickestorthecheapest?”
“DoIlooklikeIgotmoney?”
Afrown,thenanotherlookatthescreen.“CheapestseatsIgotisDenver.ThenGrandJunction,ontoLA.Longway,girl.Stillalotofmoney.”
Duchessleftthebusstation.Shehadseventeendollars,abagwithtwoguns,alittlefoodandachangeofclothes.
OutsideabarnamedO’Sullivan’sshefoundapayphone,pickedupthereceiverbutrealizedshedidnothaveanyonetocall.ShewantedtospeaktoRobin,notevenspeak,justlistentohimwhileheslept.Shewantedtokisshisheadandpullhimclose,sleepwithherarmaroundhim.
Shefoundapark,aclusteroftreesandaplayground.Sheslippedintothewoodlandandlaybackonthegrass.Inherbagshefoundasweaterandspreaditoverherself.
Atanhourwhenthetownstillsleptshehikedthehalfmile,eachstepheavy,leaden,everymuscleresisting.
Themotelwasquiet,notevenaclerk,notanyoneatall.BIGSKYsign,COLORTVS,VACANCY.Shewalkedalongthelot,familycarsinfrontofeachdoor,aclusteroftreesthatrosehighabovethelowroofofdarktile.Drapesovertheglass,shemovedtothedoorwiththeBroncoinfront.Calgaryplates.HankandBusy,theirwindowwideopen,thatwasthem,unworried.
Shelaidherbagdownandtookthegunfromit.Andthenshesaidasilentprayerassheclimbedthroughandintotheirbedroom.
AshapethatwasHank,sheetcovering,deadtotheworld,adayofhikingwoulddothat.Justenoughlighttomakeherwaytothechair,wherehispantslay.Shefishedthepocket,foundawallet,aphotoofsmilingchildreninside.Shecouldnotswallowassheslippedthebillsfrominside,couldnotbreathebecauseherchestached.
AndthenshesawBusy,eyesopenandsad.Duchessreachedbehindandfelttheguntuckedintoherjeans.Theoldladysaidnothing.
Duchesswasbrokenassheleft.
Itwasherjobtoremindthem,toletthemknowtheworldwasnotgood.
42
WALKSATINARENTALattheendofHighwoodDrive.
Alineofsingle-familyhouses,big,expensive,Germancarsoneverydrive.Heworehisuniformthoughsunklowinhisseat.Besidehim,emptycoffeecups,nofood.He’dmadethedrive,thethousandmiles.Hethoughtofflying,facinghisfear,butheneededhisgunsoleftthatfightforanothertime.
TheNoblehousewasempty,Thomasandhisfamilyontheirannualvacation.DuchessoncetoldhimtheyspenteverysummerinMyrtleBeach.WalkhadgiventheaddresstoLeah,knewDarkewouldshowupifhethoughtthetrailmightleadtoDuchess.
Walkhadnonewspaper,nobook,nothingatalltodistracthimfromthetaskathand.Anhourbackhe’dpoppedacoupleofpills,themusclepainwasbad,theconvulsing,theneedtojustliebackandletitrideoverhim.
Thiswouldbehislastjobasacop,thelasthurrahindecadesofnothing.HegavenothoughttoMartha,toVincentandtheunfurlingmessintheCape;thiswasfortheRadleychildren,hewouldkeepthemsafe,hewoulddoitforStarandforHal.HedidnotknowhowcloseDarkewaswhenhecalledLeahback,butguessedhewasnearMontana.Duchess,thetape,itwasDarke’slastchancetosavehiscrumblingempire.
Walkfeltthetiredlikeawarmblanketonthecoldestnight,heavyonhim,pullinghimdeeper,hiseyesheavy.Thepills,drowsinesswasoneoftheblessedside-effects,hereasonedhehadn’tsleptwellinayearsotherewasnodangerofitfindinghimnow.Still,heyawnedonce,then,slowly,heclosedhiseyes.
ThomasNoblewaslyingonhisbedwatchingthetelevisionwhenthepowercut.
Hestood,silent,nothingbutthesoundsofthehouse,theclockinthehallway,thesteadyhumoftheboiler.Hestood,tookastepandstumbledoverhisbag,packed,ready.Hisparentshaddroppedhimatcamp,sameeverysummer;theyliveditupbythebeachwhilehemadesandartandtie-dyedT-shirtseightmilesfromhisownhouse.He’dsnuckoutafterdark,hikeditback,cutthroughwoodlandintohisyardandfoundthesparekeyinthegarage.Itwouldhitthefaninthemorning,bythenhe’dbeonhiswaytoCalifornia.Trailingher.Helpingher
Hisheartbeatfast,heplacedahandonitandtriedtocalm.Helistenedbutheardnothing,feltdumbforgettingfreakedoutbythedark.Hewalkedtothewindowandsawtheneighboringhomeslit,theporchlightsburning.Heknewwheretheboxwas,whattodowhenthepowertripped.
Hemadeittothestairswhenheheardtheglassbreak.
Hefrozethen,rootedtothespot,unabletomoveamuscle.
Heheardthelockturn,thedooropen.
Thecrunchofstepsonglass.
Heknewhisfatherkeptagunandthatitwaslockedinhisoffice.Healsoknewhewouldnothavethecouragetoaimitorfireit,notevenwithtwogoodhands.
Stepsagain,hardonthekitchenfloorthensoftonthecarpetedhall.Hewantedtocryout,announcehimselfbecausehalfthefearwasingoingunnoticed.Anicehouseonanicestreet,hismotherhadjewelry,thekindofshowypiecesthatmight’vebeennoticed.
Hetookabreathandmovedfast,treadingontheouteredgesofthestairs,fromthetopfloortothemiddleandintohisparents’bedroom.Hereachedforthephoneonthenightstand.
Notone.
Herantothewindow,thoughtofyellingbutheardstepsagain,closerthistime,atthefootofthestairs.Hismindworkedfast,helookedatthedrop,reasonedhe’dbreakaleg,atleast.
Hespun,lookedaround,sawagapbeneaththebed,knewtherewasspaceinthecloset,settledfortheguestbedroomandmovedfast.
Shadowonthestairs.Hedidnotlookbackuntilhemadeit,slippedbehindthedoorandpressedhimselfflattothewall.Hewantedtocry,foughthardnotto,thoughtmaybewhoeveritwaswouldthinkthehouseempty,takewhattheyneededandleave.
“Thomas.”
Heclosedhiseyes.
“Iknowyou’rehere.I’vebeenwatchingfromthewoods.YoutellmewhatIneedtoknowandI’llleaveyoube.Igiveyoumyword.”
Hewantedtocallout,toaskwhatthemanwantedandthengivehimwhateveritwas,rightaway,noarguing.Andthenthemancalledoutagain,andThomasNoblefelthisbloodchill.
“DuchessRadley.”
TheguywiththeEscalade.Darke.
ThomasNoblelookedaroundwildly,sawnothinghecoulduse,nothingheavyorsharp,nothingthatcouldbuyhimpreciousseconds.Darkewouldfindhimnow.
HethoughtofDuchess,ofthefirsttimehe’dseenherandwhatshehadbeenthrough,theirfirstdanceandthetimeshe’dkissedhim.Hethoughtofhisperfecthomeandlovingparents,andwhereshewasnow,aloneontheroad,aguninherbagandthecouragetouseit.Hehadn’tbeenabletohelpher.Butnowhecould,hecouldprovehimself.Hecouldbeanoutlawtoo.
Hewatchedtheshapestepthroughthedoor,biglikeafuckingmonster,andasitnearedThomasNobletookadeepbreathandlaunchedhimselfthroughthedarkness.
Gunshot.
Walkwoke,jumpedfromthecarandtookoffintoarun.
Brokenglass,opendoor,hebarreledthrough,guntrainedout,roomtoroom.Hemovedupthestairs.
Thekidwasonthefloor,backeduptothewall,kneesagainsthischest.
“Youhurt?”
Heshookhishead.Abovewastorndrywall,halftheceilinggone,awarningshot
“Whereishe?”
“Backdoor.”
Walkrandownthestairs.Hesawthefencingattheendofthegrass,jumpeditandfoundhimselfinthewoodlandbehind.Hefollowedaloosetrail,gunoutinfrontasmoonlightfellinsilvershardsthatcuttheirwaythroughthickgrowth
“Darke,”heyelled,heardnothingsokeptrunning.
Hemovedthroughtoweringtrees.
Andthen,ahead,hecaughtsightoftheshape,byatree,movingslow.
Walkraisedhisgun.
Hestood,feetapart,handslocked.
Hefiredonce.
Thebigshapefell.
Hemovedon,slow.
BythetimehemadeittohimDarkehadproppedhimselfbackagainstatree.Nothinginhishands,Walksawthegunacoupleoffeetfromhim,bentandpickeditup.
Darkebreathedhard.Shoulderwound,painfulenoughbuthe’dlive.
Walklistenedout,heardnothing.Theneighborswouldcallthecopssoonenough.
AtthatmomentWalkdidnotfeelthetwitchesinhisbody,justfocusedsolelyonthejob.Hisjob,hisplace.Hewasnotyetreadytogiveeitherup.
“Didn’tthinkyouhaditinyou.”
“Youwanttogetthisdone,Darke?”
“Sure,ChiefWalker.”Hisvoicewascalm,noemotion,despitetheendcomingathim.
“You’vebeenholingupallthistime.”
“Healingup.There’speople,Iowethem.Theyaren’tgoingaway.Youeverbeenshot,Walk?Twiceformenow.”
“I’vegotquestions.”
Darkedidnotpressahandtothewound,justletthebloodrunsteadydownhisarmsanddripfromhisfingers.
“WefoundMilton.Trawlerhookedhim.”
Darkestaredupathim.
Walkcontinued.“Whatdidhehaveonyou?”
Darkelookedconfused,butmaybethewheelswereslowlybeginningtoturn.“Helikedtotakephotographs.”
Walknoddedtonoonebuthimself.
“Hejustwantedafriend,someonetogohuntingwith.SoIwent.We’realllookingforangles,ChiefWalker.That’swhatwedo.”
WalkthoughtofMartha.
Darkeclenchedafistandthebloodranfaster.“ThisthepartwhereIconfessmysins?”
Distantsirens.
“IknowaboutMadeline.”
Darkeswallowedthen,thefirsttraceofemotion.“She’sfourteennow.”
“SameageasDuchessRadley.”
“Ididn’twanttocomeforthegirl.Itriedeveryotherway.”
“Hal.”
“Hedidn’tgivemeachancetospeak,justpulledashotgun.”
“You’reamurderer.”
“Justlikeyourfriend.”
Walktookastepback,thatdizzyingfeelingalloveragain.“Vincent…”
“Tragedyhasawayofmakingsaintsoutofsinners.Believeme,Iknow.”Darkegulpedair,thepainwassharp.“Theboyinthere.Ididn’thurthim.”
“Iknow.”
“Peopleseeme.ThewayIlook,theythinkcertainthoughts.That’salright,ithelpsmegetthingsdone.”
“YoumurderedStarRadley.”
“Youevenbelievethatanymore,ChiefWalker?Iaskedherforafavor,totalktoVincentforme,gethimtosellup.Ionlyhadtomentionhisnameandshelostit,throwingpunches.Shewaswild.”
“YouandVincentmadesomekindofdeal.Youcouldn’tseeitthrough.Couldn’traisethemoney.”
“I’mamanofmyword.AskVincent,he’lltellyou.”
“Youtalklikeyouknowhim.”
“MaybeIdo.MaybeStartoldmethings,shelikedtodrink,drugs,whatever.Confessiondoesn’tonlyhappeninchurch.”
“Whatareyousaying?”
“Vincent…he’snotwhoyouthinkheis.”
Walkwatchedhim,lookingforthetruth,maybenotwantingtoseeanyofit.
Darke’sbreathgrewshortthen.“Ihavelifeinsurance.EnoughtokeepMadeline.”
“Itwasalwaysaboutthemoney.”
“Theywon’tpayoutforsuicide.Believeme,Ichecked.”
“Suicidebycop.”
“Notifyoutellitright.”
“Shedoesn’tneedyou?”
Darkeclosedhiseyes,thenopenedthemtothepainofitall.“Achildisalwaysbetterwithaparentintheirlife.Buttheplaceshe’sin.That’swhatsheneeds.That’sallIcangiveher.”
“Shewon’tgetbetter.”
“Theycan’tsaythatforsure.There’sachance,intime.Miracleshappeneveryday.”
Walkdidn’tknowifhereallybelievedthat,butguesseditwaswhatkepthimgoing.
“Shootme.”
Walkshookhisheadslowly.
“Putmyguninmyhandandthenshootme.”
Walktookastepback.
Thebloodstilldripped.Darkewastoostrong,toobigandstrong.
“Fuckingshootme.Please.Justfuckingshootme.Ikilledtheoldman.Icameforthegirl.Please.”
Walkheardnoisebehind,distantbutcoming.
“Ican’tdothat.”
“Mercy,Chief.YourGodbelievesinthat.”
Walkshookhishead,nothingclear,therightthing,thefairthing.HethoughtofMadeline,agirlhedidnotknow,andDuchess,agirlhedid.
HetookasteptowardDarke.
“Givemygirlachance.Youcandothat.It’sinyou.”
Walktookanotherstep.“They’lllockyouup.”
“I’llgetoutoneday.AndthenI’llcomeforDuchessagain.Thistimeit’llberevenge.Simple.I’llshoother.”
Walksawthroughit,tooeasy.
“Fuck.Please,Walker.Youletthecopstakemeandmydaughterdies.I’moutofmoneynow,I’vegotnothing.TheclubwasallIhad.Ican’tpaytokeepheralive.”
Walkstoodthere,thegunsoheavyhecouldbarelyholdit.
“Youneedtowipeyourprintsoffit.”Darkelayhisheadbackagainstthetree,tearsfilledhiseyes.“There’sakeyinmypocket.AlockupoutsidetheCape.WestGale.There’sthingsinthereIwantMadelinetohave.It’simportantsheknowsus.”
Walkjuststared.
“Wedon’thavetime.Justdoit,Chief.Givemygirlachance.”
WalkwipedDarke’sgun,thenleaneddownandhandedittohim.
Darkewincedasheraisedit,thenaimedwideandpulledthetrigger.
Theecho.TheringinginWalk’searsasheraisedhisowngun.
Darkenoddedonce.
Walkpulledthetrigger.
43
DUCHESSPASSEDTHEFACEOFtownsandlonelymountainsandaskyattimessoblueitbroughtherhometotheendlesswatersofCapeHaven.
Sherodeabovethewheel,everybumpinherbones,theroadlaidoutlikeascaracrosslandhergrandfatherhadoncetraversed,hisonlyhappinessfarbehind.
Theystoppedattownsandpeoplecameandwent,oldmenthatcarriedsomethingquietandforgotten,youngmenwithbackpacksandmapsandplans,andthecoupleswhoselovespilleddowntheaisleandmadeDuchessturnherhead.Thedriver,ablackmanwhosmiledatherwhenthebussleptandtheyweretheonlypeopletoseeahitchhikerframedbyaColoradosunrise.
Trucksbrokendown,hoodupandmenbentoverandin,theirwomenwatchingthesilverpass.Dinersandcopcars,Lincolnsandastretchtoofarfromanywhereworthgoing.
AtCarogaPlainamanwithaguitargotonandaskedthefewiftheymindedandtheyallshooktheirheadssohesangaboutgoldenslumbers,hisvoiceroughbutsomethinginitstrippingtherooffromtheoldbusandlettingthestarsfallin.
Itwasonlythenight,whenthemoonemptiedintotheArtayaCanyonandthedriverslowedthebusanddimmedthelightsthatDuchessallowedherselftothinkofRobin.Ithurther,notlikethekindofsweethearthurtshereadaboutintheglossysomeonehadleftintheseatback,thiswasarawkindofgutyoursoulpain,sofierceshedoubledoverandgaspedforair,reachedintoherbagandfoundherwaterandtookshallowbreathsintothebottle.Thedrivercaughthereye,hisfilledwithwastedconcern,shewouldnotbealright,nothingaboutherwouldeverbealrightagain.
SheranoutofmoneysomeplaceoutsideofDotsero,bulginghillscratered,avolcanorose,greentreespartedforsterilelandsoredshebenttotouchit.
Shefoundaphoneboothatatruckstopon70,waterrushingonahead,fightingitswayfromRockyMountainstothespreadofMexicoandbeyond.Shecalledcollectandtheoperatorconnectedhertoaworldshefeltfarfrom.BygracealoneshegotClaudetteandshefoughtofftalkofcomingbackandthecopsandthetrouble.SheheldonjustlongenoughforClaudettetotellheryeah,hewasdoingokay.AndthenClaudettetoldhertowaitandshe’dfetchhim.
Shehungupwhensheheardhim,andthenfellagainstthebrick,alongroadfromanywhere,toosmalltobealone,theskyagatheringstormshecouldnotoutrun.Herbrothersayinghello,quietlikehewasinonasecret,andherunabletofindaword,notasinglewordtosaytohim,notevensorryforwhatshehaddoneandwhatshewoulddo.
Shespentherlasttwobucksonmilkandadrybagel.
Shesattherefourhours,thesuncrawlingitsarc,thehandofaclockthatpushedmorningtotheblazeofafternoon.Inthegasstationawomanworkedthecounter,amagazinehiddenbehind,herheaddownandtired.Sheworelargeglassesandhadastainonhershirt.ShegaveDuchessthekeytotherestroom,smiledquickasshedid,likesheknewthecrossroadsthegirllivedatandhadseensomanylikeherbefore.
Insidesmelledbad,graffitiscrawledoneverysurface,romanticdeclarationsTom&Betty-LaurelFuckedHere,numberstocallforagoodtime.DuchesscarefullystrippedoffherT-shirtandjeans,washedherselfwithsoapshepumpedfromthedispenserthendriedoffwithpapertowels.Shesplashedicywaterontoherface,thetiredcreepedfromhereyes.
Outsideshewatchedtruckers,tryingtoselecttherightonebasedonnothingmorethanagutinstinctthathadnotsteeredherallthatwellinthepast.
Anhourlatershesettledonabigguywithaplaidshirtandhandlebarmustache.Hedroveacleanrig,thenameAnnie-Bethonthehood,aheartoneitherside.
Sheapproachedhimandhesmiled,tookinherwethair,Stetson,smallbagandninety-poundframe.
“Wheredoyouneedtoget?”
“MaybeVegas.”
“Vegas,huh.”
“Yeah.”
“Youarunaway?”
“No.”
“Icouldgetintrouble.”
“I’mnotarunaway.I’meighteen.”
Helaughedatthat.
“I’mpassingFishLake.”
“Where’sthat?”
“Utah.”
“Alright.”
Astheydroveshewatchedtheworld,viewhighandcommanding.Thecabsmelledofleather.ThebigguywasMalcolm,likehisparentsexpectedhimtostopgrowingatfivesevenandworkaccounts.Therewasaplantonthedash,shetookthatasagoodsign.Andaphotoofagirlnotmucholderthanherandawomanbeside
“IsthatAnnie-Beth?”shesaid.
“Mygirl.”
“Pretty.”
“Sureis.That’soldnow…nineteen.University,politicalscience.”Pridecoloredeveryword.“Icheckinwithhereverynight.She’sjust,she’ssosmartwedidn’tevenknowwhereitcamefrom.Ablessing.”
“Thatyourwifewithher?”
“Usedtobe.Ilikedtodrink.”Hepointedtoapinonthedash.“Eighteenmonthssober.”
“Maybeshe’lltakeyouback.”
“Notonthecardsformeyet.Igotaplant,cactus,Ikeepthathealthyforsixmonthsthenmaybe.It’sallabouttakingitback,right.”
Shelookedatthecactusonthedash,longdead.Shewonderedifheknew,andalsojusthowharditwastokillacactus.
Hetriedaskingheralittle,shegavenothingsohequit,pushedhisvisordowntocullthebrightandthenrodemileaftermile.
Shesleptalittle,wokewithsuchastarthetoldheritwasalright.Shesawredrock,dried-outyellowsandorange,sunsetonaroadsolongandstraightshewonderedifshewasdreaming.
Atatruckstophetoldherthatwasall.Shethankedhimandhewishedherwell
“Gohome,”hesaid.
“Iam.”
Attheedgeofatownthatdidnothaveaclearname,Duchesswalkedbeneathasilversky,herfeetsoheavyitwasallshecoulddotokeepthemmoving.Tallbuildingseitherside,paintedcolorsthatlightenedwitheachstep.Yellowplantersandsaplingtrees,dyingstoresandfloatingnoise,abaracrossthestreetthatflutteredneon.Soundsthattoldhernottogoin.Shestoodthere,herbagpullingtheskinfromhershoulder,eyessotirededgesblurredandstreetlightssmothered.Across,eachstepwaywardandhardtopoint.Shebreathedinstammers,notknowinghowtobeanylonger,herhandsnumbfromtheweight,theoccasionalmemoryofRobinlightingupherchest,allfireandhatredforthemanwhohadstolenheroldlifeanddiscardeditsocarelessly,likelitterinthewind.
Shepushedthedooragainstbetterjudgment,foughtherwaytothebar,themen,andsomewomen,parting,thelightallred.
ThebartenderwasoldandsheaskedforaCokebeforesherealizedshedidn’thaveenough.Asshefishedinherpocketshesetitdown,readherwellandthenpushedittowardherinanactofkindnesssodistantshehadalmostforgottenitexisted.
Shefoundacornerandputherbagdown,satonalowstoolandclosedhereyestothesweetdrink.Amanwithaguitarheldtheothercorner,andhecalledonregularsandtogethertheyplayedandsangandthebustlingcrowdwatchedandsometimeslaughed.Therewasn’tonethatcouldholdatune,butDuchessstaredonlikeshehadn’theardmusicinthelongesttime.
Foramomentsheclosedhereyes,wipeddirtandsweatthatcrossedherfaceandfoundhermother,holdingRobinuptothestarslikehewassomethingblessedinsteadofanothermistake.
Andthenshefoundherselfonherfeet,andshewasmovingandagainthepeopleparted,thewomenwatchingherlikeshewasachild,themenwatchingherwithsomethinglikecuriosity.
Shepassedthepooltable,breathedsmokeandbeerandthebreathoftiredmen,leaningoneachother,someswayingtotheguitar.
Whenthemusicdiedshereachedthecorner,andtheguitarplayerdippedhishatandshedippedherowninreply.
“Youwanttosing,girl?”
Shenodded.
“Alrightthen.”
Shetookaseatandlookedout,meetingtheminturn,somesmilesandsomenot.
Sheleaned,whisperedbecauseshewasn’tsureofthesong’sname,onlythewords,butthemangotitandsmiledlikeshe’dchosenwellenough.
Heplayedandshesatsilent,hedidn’tseemtomindwhensheclosedhereyesandmissedhercue,thereweremurmursbutsheblockedthemoutandinsteadletthosechordscarryherayearback,whenhermotherwassomeoneshecouldreachoutto,neverquitegraspbutthefeelingwasthere.Shesawherbrother,andthenhergrandfather,thereparationinhislovestealingalltheairfromherchest.
Sheopenedhermouthandsang.
Shetoldthemshewasontheirside,whentimesgetrough.
Themurmursfellsilent,andthemenatthetablestoppedliningtheirshotsandinsteadmovedtowardthelittlegirlwhoslicedheavenwideopen,hersoulbaredandburned,themanbesidesotransfixedhealmostcouldnotmatchherwithhischords.
Shewasdownandout,onthestreet.Darknesshadcomeandpainwasallaround.
Shewasundernoillusion,hisbloodwouldnotcleansehers.Butshewoulddoit,shecouldn’tnot.
Whenshewasdonesheletthesilencehang.Theoldmancamefrombehindthebar,andhehandedheranenvelopestuffedwithbills.Shefrownedtillhepointedtothesign.SINGTOWIN,monthly,ahundredbucks.
Shedidnotwaitforthecheers,shewouldhearthemcarryoutintothelonelynightassheleftwithherbagandfoundherwaytothebusstation.
Thiswasherpathtoperdition.
Agirlonherwaytorightalifetimeofwrongs.
44
WALKSPENTANIGHTANDdaydealingwiththefallout.
TherewerequestionsfromIverCountyPD,hesaidlittle,theywerestilltryingtofigureoutwhyDarkehadbrokenintotheNoblehouse.Walkdidnothelpmuchwiththat.Hesaidhewastired,sick,thathe’dwriteafullreportinthecomingdays.Hewouldn’tspeakofDuchessandthetape.He’dfindabetterangle
Heclimbedintotherentalanddrovesomeplacehecouldsleep.Amotelfiftymilesfromanywhere.
InatiredroomhelayonhisbedandthoughtofDuchess,lostouttherenow.Hedidnotfightthewayhisbodyshook,justcavedtoit.Hispantswereloose,he’dpunchednewholesinhisbeltthreetimesnow.Ifhelookedinthemirrorhewouldseeafrownwherehissmilehadoncebeen.Theysaidhe’dneverchange.He’dclungtothat.
InthedrawerbesidehefoundaBibleandapenandpaper,andhewrote,resignedtoresignation,hegaveuphisbadge.Therewerestillquestions,maybeforeverunanswered,buthewouldtry,forthegirlandtheboy,hewouldstilltry.
HecalledMartha,gothermachinesoleftthekindoframblingmessagethattoldherhewasgood,knewshewouldn’tbuyitbutsignedoffwithapromisetocallagainafterhegotsomesleep.Healsotoldherhewassorry,sorryformorethanhecouldpossiblyatonefor.
Hiscellrangatnine.
HeexpectedtohearMartha’svoicebutitwasTanaLegros,fromthelab.Hehadn’tleanedheavythistime,justaskedifitcouldbedonequietly.
“Ioweyousomebloodwork.Ididleavemessages,severaloverthepastmonth.”
“Sorry.I’vebeen…”
“Anyway,Imadethegunapriority.”
“ThebloodinDarke’splace.Milton.”
“No,actually.Animal,nothuman.”
WalkranahandthroughhishairashethoughtofMilton,huntingwithDarkethenheadingbacktohisplaceafter.“Deer?”
“Couldbe.”
“Right.”
“Youokay,Walk?”
“Thegun.Didyougetanything?”
“Wepulledprints.”
“VincentKing?”Heheldhisbreath,theroomdoingitsspin,allornothingnow.
“No,actually.”
Walktookit,tootiredevenforhispulsetoquicken.
“It’ssmall.”
“Woman?”
“Child.Smallchild.”
Walkclosedhiseyes.Andthenhedroppedthephoneasthepiecesbegantofit.Heached,sobeathecouldbarelyholdhisheadup.
HethankedTana,thendialedVincent.
Vincentansweredonthesecondring,amanthatdidnotsleepanymore,oneofthenightpeople.
“Iknow.”
HelistenedtoVincentdrawbreath.
“Whatdoyouknow?”Vincentsaiditquiet,notachallenge,justacceptancenow.
“Robin.”Thelittleboy’snamehunglongintheair,thelastyear,allthathadgonebefore.Walksteppedtothewindow,sawthefreewayemptyofcars,theskyemptyofstars.“Ifoundthegun.”
Thesilencewaslong,justthetwoofthem,holdingtogether,likealways.
“Youwanttotellme?”
“Itooktwolives,Walk.Icanlivewithoneofthose.”
“BaxterLogan.Hepaidhisprice,right?”
“Youthinkitmakesthatwoman’sfamilyhappy,whatIdidtothemonsterthatruinedher?Maybe.IknowwhatIdid.Ilivewiththat.ButnotSissy.Eachtime…eachoneofmybreathsisstolenfromher.”
“Tellmewhathappened.”
“Youalreadyknow.”
Walkswallowed.“Theboyshothismother.”
Vincentbreathed.
“Buthewasaimingatsomeoneelse,”Walksaid,quiet,sad.
“Darke.”
“Thegirlburnedhisclub.Insurancewouldn’tpay.How’dyoufit?”
“Isawhiscar,wentroundback,thecut.Darkesaidhewassearchingtheplace,triedthekids’bedroomdoorandStarlostit.Theboyclimbedoutthewindow,heardhismotherscreamandcameback.”
“Brave,”Walksaid.“Likehissister.”
“Starshovedhiminthecloset,gothimoutoftheway.Thekidfoundthegun.Maybehethoughtshewasgettingbeat.Heaimedout,closedhiseyesandpulledthetrigger.StillhadthemclosedwhenIgotthere.”
“Darke.”
“Would’vekilledhim.Hehadherbloodonhim.Kid’stheonlywitness,whateverhesays,Darke’satthescene.Darkegoesdown.”
Walkrestedhisheadagainsttheglassaslightrainbegantofall.HethoughtofDarke,thatperceptionandhowheusedit.Maybehewould’vekilledtheboy,Walkdidn’tthinkso.Buttheanglepresenteditself.“How’dyoupleadit?”
“ToldhimI’dtakeitall.I’dtakethefall,nooneelseforthecopstolookfor.Hewasneverthere.”
“Heboughtthat?”
“No.Thehouse,Walk.Hewantedthehouse.SoIgavein.Hecouldbuyit,ifheleftthekidalone.”
“Whydidn’tyoujustpleadguilty?”
“PleadguiltyandIspendtherestofmylifeinthatcage.Pleadinnocentandtheendcomesatme.Thecasewasn’twinnable.Questionswouldhavecome.Thegun.”
“Youhidit.”
“Darketookit.HisinsuranceincaseIchangedmymind.”
“YouhelpedRobinbackthroughthewindow.Washedyourhands.Shit,Vincent.”
“Thirtyyearsinside,youlearnaboutcrimescenes.”
“Youpluggedtheholesandstayedsilent.”
“Yourquestionsdidn’tneedanswering.IlookmoreguiltyifIjuststaysilent.Starttalkingandyoutiemeup,nogun,Icouldn’texplainthat.Letthemstickaneedleinmyarm.Letthemdowhattheyshouldhavedonethirtyyearsago.”
“Sissy.Itwasn’tmurder.”
“Itwas,Walk.Youjustdidn’twanttoseeitthatway.I’mreadynow.Iwanttogo.I’vealwayswantedtogo.ButafterI’dservedmytime.HalsaidhewasgladIwasinthere,thatIshouldbepunished.Deathwastoogood.”
“Darkecouldn’traisethefundstobuyyourplace.Notthedownpayment,thetaxes.NotafterwhatDuchessdid,”Walksaid.
“Ididn’tknowthat.Butthenhewroteme.”
“Isawtheletter.”
“Right.”
“Youmust’vebeenmad.”
“Iwas.AtfirstIwas.Notforme…butthemoney.Ineededthatmoney.”
“Hegavethegunbackbecausehecouldn’tkeephissideofthedeal.Amanofhisword,right?”
Silenceforalongtime.
“Peoplearecomplex,Walk.Justwhenyouthinkyougotthemfigured…hegavemeanoutifIeverneededit.”
“Sometimeswishesdocometrue…thewishingtree.”Walksaidittohimself,tiredsmileonhisface,rightthereandhe’dmissedit.
WalkthoughtofVincentontheotherend.Hewonderedhowgrounddownhewas,iftherewasanyofthekidleftinthere.“Youbankedontheboynotremembering.”
“Isawhim,gonelikethat,outofthisworld.Idon’tthinkheknows.SoItoldhimIdidit.That’senough,justthatdoubt.Letsomeoneelsetakeitaway.Fuck,hedeservedthat.Itriedtobringherback.IpumpedherchestwitheverythingIgot.”
WalkthoughtofStar,thebrokenribs.AndhethoughtofDarkeandMadelineandthecruelhandoffate.
“Youliedforme.Youstoodincourt,wearingyourbadge,andyoulied.Youstillknowyourself,Walk?”
“No.”
“Youcan’tsavesomeonethatdoesn’twanttobesaved.”
Quietalongtime.
“How’sthingswithMartha?”
Walkjustaboutmanagedasmile.“That’swhyyouwantedher.”
“Amilliontragediesbeganthatnight,Walk.MostofthemIcan’tfix.”
WalkthoughtofRobinRadley.“Iusedtowanttogobackanddoitallagain.ButnowI’mjusttired.Sofuckingtired.Maybeyoudidagoodthing.”
“IoweadebttotheRadleys.Hemightnotremember.He’ssmall.Icoulddiegivinghimhislifeback.There’sachanceit’llallstayblack.”
“Youneargaveyourlifeforachance.”
“Icouldn’tlethimbeme.”
45
WALKDROVEDOWNLASTROADS,eachmilebehindonehewouldnottravelagain.Hehadspentalifeafraidofchange.Hehadkilled.Nothingoutwardwasdifferent,heknewitwouldnotbe.Thebaycameathiminsuchglory,hekepthiseyesonbrokenlines.
Twentymilesfromhomehefoundtheplace,astoragefacility,WestGale,tired,redlockups,nooffice,justanumbertocallifyouneededservice.
Walkpulledup,headedoverandtookthekeysfromhispocket.Hecheckedthenumberonthetagandfoundoneofthesmallerunits.Heunlockeditandsteppedintodark,foundtheswitch,lightflickered,stripscastdullyellow.
Ononesidehefoundacoupleofplasticstoragecontainers.Heworkedslow,saweverythingfromanold,happierlife.Weddingalbum,Darkelookedyoung,tallbutnotsoimposing,hiswifewasbeautiful.AndtherewerephotosofMadeline,brownhairandlighteyes,widesmileineveryshot.Shelookedlikehermother.Achristeninggown,anoldweddingdress,thekindofthingspasseddowngenerations.
Walkwouldkeepholdofit,paytherental,letthepeopleatthehospitalknowwhereitwasincasemiraclesdidhappen.
Hewasabouttoturn,tokillthelightsandlockupwhenhesawapileofboxesandgarbagebagsinthefarcorner.Hecheckedthem,oldfiles,nothingofnote,andthenhesawastackofjunkmail.Andhesawthenameandaddress.DeeLane.
Hetrainedhismindbackayearbeforeitcametohim.Darke’soffertostoreherthingswhileshefoundsomeplaceelsetolive.Beforetheymadethatdealshe’dcarrywithher.
Hetossedthemailbackontothepilethencursedwhenthewholethingtoppled.Ashebentdownitcametoview.Outofplace.
Asinglevideotape.
HedrovebacktowardtheCape,breachedthetownlimit,sawanewsign,hardmetalandtoweringscaffold,lightfellonthepromiseofnewhomes,newstores.Themotionhadpassedsilently,Walkdistracted,justanotherchangeinachangingworld.
Thestationwasdark.Heleftthelightsoff,satinhisofficeandloadedthetape,thenfrownedwhenhesawTheEight,Darke’sclub.Andthenhenotedthedateinthetopcorner,andhispulsebegantoquickenasherealizedwhathewaswatching.
Itcoveredaday,herolleditforwardtillhesawher,Star,workingthebar.Hewatchedherliketheghostshewas,thewayshesmiledandflirtedasthetipsraineddown.Heskippedalittle,stoppedatascuffle,bodieseverywhere.Starfellback,clutchedhereyeandappearedtocurse.Shewasstumbling,movingliketheliquorhadfinallytakeneffect.
Walkcouldn’tseewhotheguywas,backtothecamera.
Butthenthemanwalkedout.
Herecognizedthelimp,thepainittooktotryandcorrectit.
BrandonRock.
Hesearchedagain,rolleditforwardtillhesawher,clearasday.Small,blondehair,facetorturedwithhateassheworked.HewatchedDuchessstartthefirethatwouldburnforayear.
Whenhewasdonehestood.Hetookoffhisbadgeandplaceditonthedesk,thentookthetapefromthemachineandsteppedoutintothenightair.HewalkedalittleupMain,snappedthetapefromthecaseandpulledoutthereel,thenhedroppeditintothetrash.
***
TheKinghousewasempty.
Duchessstoodoutfront,anoldTaurusparkedupatthecurb.She’dtakenthekeysfromaladyplayingtheslotsinabarinCamarillo.She’dleaveitthere,keysinside,tootiredtofeelsorrynow.
She’dcircleditandknockedonthedoor.Therewasdoubtthatlingered,thatshecouldgothroughwithit,despitethejourneyshehadbeenontogetclosetothismoment.
Asshe’ddrivendownMainshehadstaredatstreetslikesheexpectedsomethingtohavechangedintheyearshe’dbeenaway,nothingmajor,justsomethingthattoldherCapeHavenwasnotthesamewithoutherandhersmallfamily.Insteadshesawthetownatrest,nothingdifferent,notevenayardleftovergrown.Justgloss,likehermother’sbloodhadbeenpaintedoversothoroughly,likeshehadneverbeen.
Shewentroundtothebackagain,foundarockandbrokeawindow,crashingwavesstolethesound.
InsidetheKinghouseshewalkedthroughtherooms,guninhand.Photosonthewall,VincentandWalk,theirbackstothewater,thekindofcarefreesmilessheherselfhadneverknown.
Sheclimbedthestairsandcheckedeachbedroom.Onlymoonlighttoguideher.Shesawacloset,Vincent’sclothes,sofew.Threeshirts,apairofjeans,heavyboots.Shethoughtofthemakingofamurderer,ifitbeganlongbeforebirth,cursingtheparents’genes,thefatalbloodline.Ormaybeitslowlycrept,toomanyknocks,toomanyscars.VincentKingmighthaveoncebeengood,butachild’sblooddidnotwashfromyourhands.Andthirtyyearsamongstthemostflawedofmen,itwouldtakethestrongesttosurviveintact.
Therewasnobed,justamattressonthefloor.Nofurnitureintheroom,nopaintingsortelevisionorbooks.
Justasinglephoto,tapedtothewall.
Aphotothattookherbreath,forthegirllookedjustlikeher.Blondehairandblueeyes.SissyRadley.
Sheleftthehouseandwalkedthemile,climbedthetrailsthatrosehighabovethetownlights.Shestoppedhalfway,everymuscleached,airpainedherchestlikeherbodydidnotwanthertogoonamongsttheliving.
Asshecrestedthefinalhillshesawthelight,thelateservice.Shehadbeenoncebefore,satwiththehalfdozenfornootherreasonthanshecouldnotsleep.
LittleBrookEpiscopal.
Shewalkeduptheroad,alongsidethepicketfence,cametothedoorandlistenedtotheheavenlymusic.Shedroppedherbagforamoment,leanedagainstthewood,thelongdayalmostover.Withnowherelefttogoshemadeherwaytothesmallgravewherehermotherlay,besideSissy,inthepartofthecemeteryreservedforthemostinnocent.Duchesshadaskedtheybetogetheragain.
Shestoppeddead.
Hestoodthere,tallagainstthepreciousnight.Behindhimthelandfellaway,thesheercliffsandendlesssea.
***
AtIvyRanchRoadWalkheadedupthepathandknocked.
Brandonlookedlikeshit,saidnothing,juststeppedasideasWalkwentintothehouse.Itsmelledbad,takeoutcartonseverywhere,beercans,thickdustoneverysurface.AstackoffitnessDVDs,RockHard,Brandonsuckinginhisstomachonthecover.
Brandon’seyeslookedglazedashesatdownatthekitchencounter.WalkthoughtofStar,howshe’dknockedhimbackonetoomanytimes,andmaybethatwaswhyBrandonhadlethisfistgothatnight.
“Iknowwhatyoudid,”Walkbegan.
Andthatwasallittook.
Brandoncried,thedamburst,hecriedtillhisshouldersshook.Walkwatchedhim,theconfusionbuilding.
“Ididn’tmeanit.I’msorry.Youhavetobelieveit,Walk.”
Walksaidnothing,justlistenedasthestorybrokebetweensobs.
“Ireachedout,likeyousaid.Iofferedtotakehimoutontheboat.Fishingorsomething,whatever.Iwantedanendtoit.ButthenIthoughtaboutit,howhescratchedtheMustang.Iknewitwashim.Whoelsewoulddothat?AtfirstIwasgoingtoreportit,buttheneverythingwithStarhappened.Itwassupposedtobeajoke.Togethimback.Weweren’tevenfarfromshore.”
Walkbreathed,theconfusionpassing,justsadnessleft.“Youpushedhimin.Milton.”
Brandoncriedmore,coughedlikehewasretchingupthememory.“Iwaitedforhimbackatthedock.Ijustwantedtoshowhim.Makehimswimback.Justajoke.Andthenhedidn’tshow,soIwentback.Buthewasgone,Walk.Hewasgone.”
Walksatwithhim,calledBoydandwaited,toldBrandonwhattosay.Behonest.You’llsleepbetteratnight.
Hewatchedthemtakehim,Brandondoingthewalkwithhisheadbowedlow,onlybreakingoncemorewhenheglancedupandsawMilton’soldhouseacrossthestreet.Itmight’vebeenkarma,thecosmicforcesStarusedtotalkabout.Walkdidn’thavelongtothinkitover,becauseDeeLanecalledhiscell,andshetoldhimshe’dseensomeonebreakintotheKinghouse.
“Didyougetalookatthem?”Walksaid,breakingintoarun.
“Itlookedlikeagirl.”
HeranallthewaytoSunset,withtheweightgonehemovedlightandfast.Hewassweatingwhenhemadeittothedoorandhammeredithard.
Roundbackhesawbrokenglass.
Hetracedhersteps,hercounterstroke,heknewhewastoolateforwhatwouldcome.Onthemantelhefoundthephoto,barelyrecognizedtheboyhewas,butinVincentandStarhesawonlysmiles,asnapshotoftimehecouldnolongercallback,nomatterhowhardhetried.
Andthenupthestairs.Andhetoostoppedstillwhenhesawit.
MaybeVincentcouldmoveonfromthecell,thewarden,themenandthechain-linkfences.Buthe’dneverleavethelittlegirlbehind.
***
Shewatchedhimalongtimebeforeshetookthosesteps.
“Iwaswaitingforyou,”Vincentsaid.
Duchesssteppednearer,slowlysetdownherbagandpulledoutthegun.Itwasheavierthansheremembered,rightthenshecouldbarelyholditup.
Helookedatherlikeshewasthelastchild,thelastgoodthinginhisworld.Shesawhehadlaidflowersonthegraves,likehehadaright.
Hesawthegunbutdidnotseemalarmed,insteadhisshouldersdroppedandhebreathedoutsteady,likehehadbeenwaitingonthefinalendtoalifetimeofendings.
Hesteppedbackasshesteppedforward,againandagain,untilsheplantedherfeetandwatchedthemoonlightbehindhim.
Musicfromtheoldchurchcarried.
“Ilikethissong,”hesaid.“Therewasachapel…atFairmont.Ialwayslikedthissong.Earth’sjoygrowsdim,itsgloriespassaway.”
“ChangeanddecayinallaroundIsee.”
“I’msorry.”
“Idon’twantyoutotalk.”
“Okay.”
“Idon’twantyoutotellmewhathappened,Idon’twanttoknow.”
“Okay.”
“Peoplesayit’snotfair.”
“Itneveris.”
“Thatdaywhenyougavemeagun.Yousaiditwasyourfather’sgun.”
“Yes.”
“Icleaneditlikeyoushowedme.Respectit,right?ButthenIhiditinthecloset,eventhoughyoutoldmetouseittoprotectmyself.”
“Ishouldn’thavetoldyou—”
“Sothat’swhatI’mdoing.Halsaidyou’reacancer.Everythingyougetnear…youjustkillitalldead.Hesaidyoudon’tdeservetolive.”
“Hewasright.”
“Walkstoodupincourtandtoldalie.Starsaidhewasallgood.”
“I’msorry,Duchess.”
“Fuck.”Shereachedupandfixedherhat,herbreathlefther.Hervoicebarelyheldbutshesteadiedherhandandreachedforthetrigger.“Iamtheoutlaw,DuchessDayRadley.Andyouarethemurderer,VincentKing.”
“Youdon’thavetodothis.”Hesmiledgently.
“IknowwhatIhavetodo.Justice.Vengeance.Icanhandleit.”
“Youcanstillbeanyoneyouwant,Duchess.”
Sheleveledthegun.
Histearsfellbutstill,hesmiledather.“Icameheretosaygoodbye.Thisisn’tonyou.Iwon’tletyoucarrymewithyou.”
Shegaspedwhenhesteppedback,hisarmsoutashetookflight.
Sheranandscreamedandstoppedatthecliffedgeasthedarknesstookhim.
Thegunfellbyherside.Shedroppedwithit,herkneesinthedirtasshereachedahandout,overthecliff,andgraspedattheair.
Behind,hermotherlay,andDuchessusedthelastofherstrengthtocrawlovertothegrave.Shepressedacheektothestoneandclosedhereyes.
PartFour
Heartbreaker
46
BLAIRPEAKBORDEREDTHEELKTON-TRINITYNationalForestandtheWhitefoot,thekindoftownwhereWalkcouldhavespentthedayjuststaringoutatthesprawlofwilderness,attreessotallitwasasiftheywerereachingupforGod’shand.
He’dmadethedrive,pastthebarrenhillsanddeadgrassofadozenhauntedcommunities,morethanahundredtimesoverthepasttwentyyears,Starbeside,countingoffthemilesinquietthought.Andthen,after,ashappyasheeversawher.WhatdemonslivedinhersoulwereexorcisedbyamannamedColtenSheen,acounselorwhoworkedoutofaroomaboveastorethatsoldsecond-handpianos.
Inhishandwasasmallurn.Theservicehadbeenbrief.
ThelastwillofVincentKinghadbeenclearandvagueenough.Theforestspannedsixcountiesandtwomillionacres,Walkfiguredherewasasgoodaplaceasany.
Hecrossedthestreetanddroppeddown,trodthedeadleavestotoweringsugarpines,andthenscatteredtheashesovertheforestfloor.Hesaidnothing,nograndgoodbyes,justallowedhimselfamomenttorememberatimefinallybeginningitsfade.
After,hewalkedupUnionStreetandfoundthedoor,theshopclosedupbutalightburnedagainstthewinter’sday.Hebuzzedup,heardthedoorgiveandheadedintothesmalllobbyandupnarrowstairs.He’dbeeninoncebefore,thefirsttime,justtomakesureshedidn’tbolt.
“I’mChief…”Walkstammered.“Sorry,I’mWalker.JustWalker.IusedtobeChiefofCapeHavenPD.”
WalkwasnotsurprisedwhenSheendrewablank.Themanthatstoodbeforehimhadagednicely,fullheadofgrayhair,aninchoffsixfeet.HeextendedahandwhenWalkmentionedStarRadley.
“I’msorry,it’sbeensuchalongtime,”Sheensaid.“Ihavesomeonedueintenminutes,soIcangiveyouthose,butthat’sall,I’mafraid.”
Theysat,Walkfallingintothesoftchair,smilingatthesereneprintsonthewall.Besidewasalargewindow,openinguptoaviewoftheElkton-Trinityandthewhite-cappedalps.
“Icouldloseadaystaringout.”
Sheensmiled.“Ioftendo.”
“I’mhereaboutStar.”
“YoushouldknowIcan’ttellyouanything.I’mbound—”
“Yes,”Walkcutin.“Ijust…I’msorry,Ifoundmyselfintownagain,justthoughtI’dstopby.Yousee…shedied.”
Sheensmiled,compassionemanated.“Isawit,Ifollowedthestoryinthenews.It’stragic,really.Butstill,evenindeath…”
“I’mnotevensurewhyI’mhere,notreally.”
“You’remissingyourfriend.”
“I…yes.I’mmissingmyfriend.”Ithithimthen,outofallthefeelings,allthechasingleadsandbattlingtheories,hehadn’tthoughtaboutjusthowmuchhemissedhisfriend.Itwaseasytoseehertroubles,herbeauty,everythingbutthereal,sweetpersonhehadknownalifetime.
“IguessIjustwantedtoknowwhyshestoppedcoming.Shedidwell,forsolongshedidsowell.Andthenitallstoppedsosuddenly.Andsheneverreallycamebackfromit.”
“There’samillionreasonswhypeopleturnback,orchooseadifferentpath.EvenifIcouldtellyou,it’sbeensolong.AndIonlysawhertheonetime.”
Walkfrowned.“I’msorry,itisStarRadleywe’retalkingabout.”
“Yes.Irememberyounow.It’snotoftenapatientgetsbroughtinbyapoliceofficer.”
“But,Idrovehereveryweek.”
“Nottome.Ididseeherthough,often.Theview,I’malwaysatthewindow.”
Walkleanedforward.“Whereexactlydidyouseeher?”
Sheenstood.Walkfollowedhimtotheglass.
“Rightthere.”Sheenpointed.
OutsidethecloudsweptinasWalkstoodonthesidewalk.TherewasonlyonebusthatranthroughBlairPeakandWalkgoton,sameasStarhad,onceamonthforadozenyears,thebusstopfacingColtenSheen’spicturewindow.
Hesatattheback,thebushalfemptyasitclimbedthesteephillsideanddippedintothevalley.Treesroseandshadowedtheroad.
Awhiletilltheyclearedthewoodland,Californiaopeningup,theplainsvast.Hegotupandwalkedtothefront,stoodbesidethedriverandlookedout.
Hedidn’tseeittilltheymadethelastturn,andthen,suddenlyandwithoutwarning,herealizedwherehewas,andwhathestoodinfrontof.
Thebusstoppedandhegotout,helookedaroundasitpassed.Therewasnothingelseformilesineitherdirection,justlongtrackroad,therazorfencetwentyfeethigh,andthelowbuildingsthatmadeupFairmontCountyCorrectionalFacility.
Hewaitedanhour,satintheroomalone,heldhishandupandwatchedthetremor.He’dslippedalittle,missedmedication,lifeintheway,nothisbutVincent’s.Itwasbadnow,thepainsometimes,thefearalways.Hesethisalarmanhourearlier,allowingtimeforabattlethatwasgettinghardertowin.Thefuturewasafrighteningthing,butthenhereasoneditalwayshadbeen.
TherewasahalfsmilewhenCuddycameout.“Almostdidn’trecognizeyouwithoutthestars.I’mfinishingupifyouwanttowalkwithme.”
Walkfellintostepwiththebigwarden,stayedclosebehindhimatthegatesastheyopenedandlocked.Alifeofit,orderandnot,keepingthebadinsideandgoodout.Hecouldnotimaginesuchatoll.
“I’msorryIdidn’tmaketheservice,”Cuddysaid.“Notallthatintogoodbyes.”
Theywalkedalongthefence,towerslikesilos.
“There’sthingsIdon’tknow,”Walksaid.
Cuddybreatheddeep,likehe’dbeenwaiting.Walkdidnotknowwhattheyweredoing,walkingtheperimeter,maybeCuddyjustlikedthefreeairafterpullingtenhours.
“Starcamehere,”Walksaid.
“Shedid.”
“Buthername,Icheckedthevisitorlogs.IcheckedeverythingIcould.”
Theypassedaguardinatower,Cuddyraisedahand.
“Ilikedusk,”Cuddysaid.“Theendofastronomicaltwilight.Thesun,degreesbelowhorizon.Iletthemoutsometimes,towatchasunset.Fivehundredmen,killersandrapistsandpushers.Theystandtogetherandstareatthesky,it’stheonlytimewedon’thaverealtrouble.”
“Why?”
“Thebeauty,maybe.Itmakesithardertodenyhigherpower.”
“Oreasier.”
“Don’tloseyourheart,Walk.Thatwouldbetherealtragedy.”
“TellmeaboutStar.”
Cuddystopped,thefurthestpointfromtheprison,betweentwotowersandguardsreadytoendlifejustasquickasanyjury.
“Ilikedher.Igottoknowherplentyovertheyears.VincentKingwasasdecentamanasIevermet.AndIgottoseeit,thechange.Scaredkid,fearlessforawhile,andthenhegottobeokaywithit.”
“What?”
“Hisownskin.Okay,butnotgood.AndStar,shehelpedhim.Hecausedherthepain,andhewastheonlyonethatcouldtakeitaway.Hehadpurposeagain.”
Walkwatchedthefirststarsburn,heavenlyfromoutthere.
“Heneededher,tofeelsomethingagain,morethanwhohewaswhenheworeorangeandwalkedinchains.Itplayedlikeamarriage,overtwenty-oddyearsshe’dcome.Sometimestheydidn’tspeak,atthestart,justwatchedeachother,shewasallfire,burningup,andhe’dlookatherlikeshewasplacedonthisearthjustforhim.”
“Whatabouttheotherprisoners?”
“Oh,Ididn’tletthosetwointhecommonroom.Imean,atfirst,ofcourse,butIsawrightoffshewastooyoungforit,themenweretoocruelwiththeirwords,promisesandthreats.Vincentgotitbadafter,guardsbrokeitupintimebutoncetheothersknewhisweakspotthey’drunwithit.There’sanotherroom,anapartmentwehad.Conjugal,itwastobeearned.Justusandthreestatesnow.”
“Youletthemalonelikethat?”
“Vincentneededit…tofeelhumanagain.Shit,Ineededtoseehimhumanagain.AndStar,thetwoofthem.Cosmicforcesandallthat.Notaprisononearthcouldcutthatkindofpull.”
Walksmiled.
“Icouldn’tputitthroughthelogs,notstrictlyallowed.Iwatchedher,theshape,ninemonths,thatglow,youknow.Twice.Twomiraclesbornfromdespair.”Cuddysmiled.
“Butshedidn’teverbringthem—”
“Hewouldn’thaveit.Notcagedlikethat.Andhedidn’twantthemtoknow.Can’treallyblamehim.Hesaidthere’snotakidouttherethatwantsafatherfromFairmont.Wetalkedaboutit,itgavehimresolve.Livelifeforsomeoneelse.That’snotwasted,right.”
WalkclosedhiseyesandthoughtofDuchessandRobin,theirblood,thatunknown
“Heaskedmenottotell.IsaidIwouldn’tvolunteerit,butalsothatIwouldn’tlieifsomeonecameasking.I’mamanofmyword.”
“Right.”
Cuddylaughedsoftly.“Notmanyofusleft.”
“IthinkmaybeStartoldDarke.”
“Why?”
“Justsomethinghesaidattheend.Thethingspeopledofortheirown,right?Theysawthatineachother.VincentandStar,theycouldn’tkeepitgoing.”
“Andthenitwaschanged,theypulledtheapartmentdowntomakewayforthenewCat-5.Vincentwouldn’thaveherinthecommonroomagain,notafterthelasttime.Imean,thesearementhat’dmakepromises,thatthey’dgolookherupwhentheygotout.Empty,butstill.Vincentdidn’twantthat,notforher,notforhischildren.”
“Sohecutheroff,”Walksaidsadly.
“JustaboutthehardestthingI’veeverdone.Turningherawaylikethat.Hetoldhermoveon,findsomeoneelse.Shestillcame,ayearshewaited,incasehechangedhismind.Andthennothing.Ifiguredshe’dfoundawaytomovepast.”
“Shedid.Notpast,justawaytofeelnothing.”
Cuddysaidnothingbutheknew.Therewasn’tatragedyofanykindhehadnotwitnessedorseenthefalloutfrom.
“Soyoudidn’tknowanyofit?”Cuddysaid.
“No.StarknewwhatIwould’vesaid.Thatsheneededtolookoutforherself.Thatitwasn’thelping,dwellingonthepast.LikeIknow.LikeI’monetotalk.Maybetheyneededsomethingjustforthem.Theirsmallfamily,broken,buttheirs.”
WhentheyreachedthegateWalkshookhishand.“Thankyou,Cuddy.Youdidagoodthing.”
“CanIask,whynow?Whatbroughtyouback?”
“Chance.VincentwantedmetoscatterhisashesintheElkton-Trinity.I’mnotevensurewhy.”
Cuddysmiled,thentookholdofWalk’sshoulderandpointed.“That’sVincent’scellupthere.Eleven-three.Thirtyyearslookingout.Youseewhatitfaces.”
Walkturned.
Andthere,abovetheranginghills,hesawthetwomillionacresoffreedom.
47
ITWASAFINEFALLmorning,brightsunlightcrossedthemountainbehind.
Duchessrodethegray,thetwoheadingouttogethereachday,beforeMontanawoke.Sheknewthetrailswellenoughnow,breathbillowed,thegraycontenttogoslow,shewouldnotrunwellagain.Duchessstrokedherastheystoodatopthebutteandlookedoutovertheranch.
Thehousewassawntimberandbeautiful,fireburned,thechimneysmoked.Therewerebarns,arivershehadfollowedthreemilesthroughaspensbeforeseeingwolftracksandquicklyretreating.Shehadaknife,hergrandfather’s,andonweekendsshewouldexplorealone,cutpathsintotheshrubland,steppingthroughshallowwatertablescraftedbythefall.
Themonthsthathadfollowedwerelonganddifficult,butshefoundthenewsurroundingshelped.Shetookitbacktobreathing,likeHalhadoncetoldher,andthoughitdidhurt,allofit,sheknewtimewasallpowerful.
Whenshereachedthestablesheledthegrayin,madesureshehadwaterandstrawandpattedhernose.
ShefoundDollyinthekitchen,readinganewspaper,thesmellofcoffeerichintheair.Duchesshadgonetoher,turnedupatmidnightandmadegoodonherpromise.Atfirstshehadagreedtostayonenight,thenextmorningDollyhadledhertothestableandshowedherthegray,whichshe’dtakenforfreeaftertheysettledHal’sestate.
Onedayhadledtoaweek,whichturnedtoamonthandmore.Dollyactedonthepretenceofneedinghelpwiththeland,thoughshewaswealthyenoughtohaveseveralmenstopbyeachweek.Duchessworkedhard,stayedoutfromdawntillthesunfellaway.Theydidnotspeakmuchatfirst,thegirlsobeatenDollyknewitwasonlyintimeshecouldhelpher.
Dollybroachedthesubjectofformaladoptiononemorning,astheysweptchokecherryleavesfromthedriveway.Duchesssaidnothingforthreedays,thentoldDollyifshewasstupidenoughtowantherasadaughterthensheshouldseeadoctor.Butifhegaveheracleanbillthenyes,shewouldliketostay.
Duchesskickedherbootsoff.“Ineedtoearnsomemoney.”
Dollylookedupfromhernewspaper.
“Iowesomeone.Ineedtopayitback.”
“Icangiveyou—”
“Ihavetoearnitmyself.Outlawssettletheirdebts.”Shehadn’tyetfiguredouthowtotrackdownHankandBusy.She’dstartatthemotel,makecalls.Shewouldmakethingsright.
Duchesswenttopassher,stoppedwhenDollyheldupaletter.
“Thiscameforyou.”
Duchesstookitfromher.ShesawtheCapeHavenstampandretreatedtoherbedroom,whichshehadpaintedashadeofgreenthatmatchedthehills.
Sheclosedthedoorbehindherandsettledintothebigchairbythewindow.
Sheknewthewriting,smallenoughthatsheimaginedWalkspentaweekcomposingit.
Shereaditslowly.Heapologizedforlyingincourt,forshakingherfaithinhim.Hetoldhersometimespeopledidthewrongthingfortherightreason.
Fortwentypageshespokeofhislifeandhermother’s,ayoungVincentKingandMarthaMay.Hetoldherhowhewassick,andhowheusedtobeashamedofit,andscaredoflosinghisplace.Andofplaceherambledforapagebeforehegottoit,andtoldherthekindoftruththatsawherdropthepapers,standandpaceherroom.
Whenshecalmedshegatheredthemupandreadon.HetoldherofVincent,ofthebloodinherveins,andhowsheshouldnotfeelsadbutproud.Ofhowhermotherhadalwayslovedhim,andhadkeptthatlovealivethroughtheharshestofconditions.HementionedVincent’storture,ofhowhecouldnotatoneforthelifehehadstolen.Shewaslovedthough,that’swhathesaid.Sheandherbrotherwerebornofthemostunbreakablelove.
Enclosedwasasinglephoto,Walkonarustingboat,thesignnew,CAPEHAVENFISHINGInthewaterDuchesssawthereflection,asmallladywithdarkhair,holdingthecamera,thewidestsmileonherface.
AndalongwiththephotographwasalegaldocumentthatwasVincentKing’slastwillandtestament.
Later,Dollywouldtellherhowshe,alongwithRobin,nowownedagrandhouseinCapeHaven.Vincenthadbeenrestoringitforthem.Andthattheydidnotneeddoanythingyet,butonedayshecouldvisit,orsellit,ordowhatevershepleased.Inthespaceofalittletimeshehadgonefromhavingnothing,tosomething,thefuturestilluncertainbutitwasthere.
Thatnightshelayawakeandthoughtofallthathadgonebefore,whatshehadlearnedandwhatshewouldforget.Shehadbeenwaiting,healing,gettingstrongenoughagain.
ThenextmorningshetoldDollyshewasready.
48
THETOWNANNOUNCEDITSELFWITHOUTfuss,justasmallsignthattolditsname.
OwlCreek.
DollyhadafriendinRexburg,they’dmadethedriveovernight.FromthereDuchesshadriddenthebusherself.Dollyhadaskedonceifsheneededher.Duchesstoldherno,butthankyou.
Thebuswaslong,silverwithredandbluedetail.Whenitpulledovershegrabbedherbagandstood,walkedherwaydowntheaisleandsteppedoutintoWyomingair.
Thedrivercalledandwishedhersafetravel,closedthedoorandmovedon.Shecastalastlookatthewindows,reflectedstares,acoupleofsmiles.Thesmelloftheengine,mechanicalheat.
Shewalkedwithherheaddownnow,sincethatday,quieterthanshehadbeenbefore.
ShepassedtheCapitolHotel.Awningshungoverofthekindofstoresthatsawwell-heeledvisitorsshoppingtheirwindows.Lacey’sPottery,AldonAntiques,ThePresslyFlowerShop.
PasttheCarnegieLibrary,thesunlowandheavyovertheBighorns,thevistaofrollingplainsbeforeit.Shebreatheddeep,herbackachedfromtheseat.Shefreshenedupintherestroomofashinygasstation,wantedherhairtobejustrightbeneathherhat.
Shecarriedasmallmap,wheresheneededtobewascircledanddidn’tlookallthatfar.Shewalkedlessthanamileandfoundawidepatchofgrassborderedbyprettyhouses.
Anotherroadandshefoundit.
OwlCreekElementary.
Thebuildingwaslow,signspaintedwhite,flowersbrokefromhangingbaskets.Acrosswasanotherpatchofgrass,andbeyondthatalargeoakthatremindedherofthewishingtree.Shemadeherwayover,stoodbeneaththearmsthensatonashadedpatchofleavessoorangeshescoopedoneupandheldittowardthesky.
Inherbagwasabottleofwaterandshedrankalittle,savingsomeforlater.Shehadacandybarbutwastoonervoustoeat.
Thefirstcarpulledup,thenanother,butmost,shenoticed,walkedtheirwaythroughthetowntocollecttheirchildren.
ShesawPeterrightoff,Jettuggingonhisleash,Petersmilinghellotojustabouteveryone.
Sheclutchedherchestwhenthefirstchildrencameout.Shefussedwithherhat,thenretiedhersneaker.Sheworeherbestdress,yellow,hisfavoritecolor.
Shegaspedwhenshesawhim.
Helookedtaller,hishaircutshorter,hissmileunalloyedandbeautiful.Sheknewhewouldonedaybeaheartbreaker.
BesidehimwasLucy,andhegrippedherhandtightassheledhimtotheendofthepath.AndthenhesawPeter,andRobinrantowardhimandPeterscoopedhimupandtheyhuggedtight,foralongtime,herbrother’seyesclosed.
PetersetRobindownandhandedhimtheleash,Jetjumpingupandlickinghisface,Robinlaughing.DuchessstoodrootedasPeterledthemtothesmallparkbeside,pushedRobinontheswing,helpedhimupthestepsthencollectedhimatthebottomofthetallslide.
Shewatchedthem,felteachofhissmilesasiftheywereherown,heardhislaughtercarryfar.Lucyjoinedthem,shecarriedabag,papersspillingfromit.WhenRobinsawherherantowardherlikeithadbeenthelongesttime.
Duchessmovedwhentheydid,stayedagooddistancebehind,buttheywouldnothavenoticedher.Shetriedtocallout,severaltimes,soquietshecouldbarelygetouthisname.
Theylivedinanicehome.Greenclapboard,whiteshutters,neatyard.Thekindofhouseshehadoncedreamedoffindingforthem.
Theyhadamailbox,TheLaytons.Shewalkeduptheirstreetasthesundropped,Wyomingskycomingatherwithsuchdelicatebeauty.Shecheckedouttheneighbors,sawkids,bikes,abatandball.
Whenduskfellshemadeherwaybackandslippeddownthesideoftheirplace,intotheyard.Aswing-set,abarbeque,abugmotel.
Foralongtimeshestoodfrozen,nightreplaceddaywithsomanystars.
Shemadeherwaytotheporch,tookthestepsandstoppedbythewindow.Thelightburnedfrominside,theperfectsceneplayed.LucywithRobin,helpinghimwithhisreading,Peteratthecounter,callingoutdinner,aplateforeachofthem.Theysattogether,thetelevisiononbutmuted,JetbesideRobin,hiseyesexpectant.
Robinfinishedeverybite.
Shewatchedthemtillitwastime,tillPeterkissedRobin’sheadgently,andLucytookthereadingbookandhishandandledhimupthestairs.
Shewonderedifhewouldremember,alltheyhadbeenthrough.Sheknewtherewasagoodchancehewouldnot,notthedetail.Hewasyoungenoughtobeanyone.Theworldwashis.Hewasaprince,and,finally,sheunderstoodwhy.
Shewasnotagirlthatcried,butrightthentearsfellassheallowedthedamtobreak.
Shecriedforeverythingshehadlost,andeverythinghehadfound.
Duchesspressedherpalmtotheglass,andsaidgoodbyetoherbrother.
49
DUCHESSTOOKTOHERBEDROOMforthenextfewdays.
Dollyknewtogivehertime,space,roomtobreathe,despitetheworry.Shelefthermealsoutsidethedoor,checkedinonlyonce,toaskifshe’dlikehelptendingthegraythatmorning.InsideshefoundDuchessathersmalldesk,sunlightonherasshewrote.
MondayandDuchesswalkedintoclasswithThomasNoble.
“Didyoufinish?”hesaid.
“Yeah.”
Ithadbeenafreeassignment,areportoftheirchoosing.ShewatchedkidsstandatthefrontandspeakofthingssovariedasJeffersonandfootball,summervacationandhowtotrackawhitetail.
Whentheteachercalledher,Duchesswalkedtothefrontoftheclass,fixedherpapertotheboardandswalloweddownhernerves.Sheshovedherhandsdeepinherpocketsandstoodbeforeherfamilytree.
Complete.
ShefeltalltheeyesonherassheglancedatThomasNoble,whosmiledandmotionedforhertostart.
Duchessclearedherthroat,turnedtothefrontandbegan.
Sheledwithherfather,theoutlaw,VincentKing.
Acknowledgments
KatherineArmstrong,foraflawlessedit.Thankyouforputtingupwithme,forrunninguphillswithme,formakingmeabetterwriterandforhelpingmetellthisstory.It’sinfinitelybetterbecauseofyou.
Victoria,forlovingmeevenwhenItriedtogrowabeard.Neverhavethewords‘Turnoutthelightsandnokissing’beenutteredwithsuchtenderness.
CharlieandGeorge,fordrivingmemad,keepingmesane,andeverythinginbetween.Idoitallforyou.
LizBarnsley,myfirstandlastreader,myfriend,myspiritguide.Weareproofthatsometimestheblindleadtheblindsomewhereveryspecial.
Myfamily,whoarealwaysthere.Takethathowyouwill.
CathrynSummerhayes,officiallythebestagentintheworld.Thankyouforalwaysfightingforme,you’rescarilygoodatit.
SiléEdwards,forhelpingmebagPatterson.Thatbedofmoneyisours.
KatieMcGowan,LukeSpeedandeveryoneatCurtisBrown.Obviouslybookpeoplearethebestpeople,butwithyouIfeelI’mwiththebestofthebest.
AllatBonnier.ThankyouforfeigningindifferencewhenIcallintotheoffice,Iknowyoudoitjusttokeepmegrounded.
NicoPoilblanc,salesgod,lovegod,allroundbeautifulman.Thankyouformakingpeoplebuymybooks.Ireallyhopethe200signaturesallmatch.Ididmywristexerciseswithyouinmind.
NickStearn,foronceagainmakingearth-shatteringcoverlovetome.
JennieRothwell,themosttalented(andfamous)Jenniferintheworld.There’snooneI’dratherdressasabookandrun26.2mileswith.
KateParkin,forpayingformyexquisitewords.Pleasedon’tdeductforthoseC-bombs.
FrancescaRussell,forpimpingmeoutwithsuchgraceandstyle.Noonerocksafurcoatandcanequitelikeyou.
StephenDumughn,fortotallygettingthisbook.Andalsoforteachingmedazzlingmarketingspiel.Weneedtositdownandcultivateourverticalsynergiesverysoon.
JonAppleton,forcopyeditbrilliance.Anymistakesare,ofcourse,his.
SiobhanO’Neill.Always.
IoncestoodonastageandforgottothankMaximandtheCWAjudges.I’mremedyingthatnow.Thankyouforbackingthelongshot.
Thebookbloggingcommunity,IwouldlovetonameyouallherebutfeelcertainI’dleavesomeoneout.Iwantyoutoknowhowmuchyouhavehelpedme,youarethelifebloodoftheindustryandIlookforwardtokissingeachofyouatfutureevents.Notongues,Fenton.Sorry.
Myfellowauthorfriends,therearetoomanyofyoutolist,andforthatIwillalwaysbegrateful.
WeBeginattheEndReadingGroupQuestions
DuchesssaystoWalk,“There’salwaysaman.Wheneveranythingfuckeduphappensintheworld,there’salwaysaman.”(Here)Later,DuchessthinksaboutDarke:“Sheknewwhatmencoulddo,allofthem,capabilitywasenough.”(Here)Whatdoyoumakeoftheportrayalofeachgenderinthisbook?Aremenorwomenworseinthisnovel,ormighttheybeequallygoodorbad?
Startellsherdaughter,“Selflessacts,Duchess.They’rewhatmakeyouagoodperson.”(Here),yetsheseemstobeentirelyselfishinmanyofheractions.Whydoyouthinkthisis?DoyouagreewithStar?Whatmakesagoodpersongood?
HalasksDuchess,“Ifthegoodstandbyidle,aretheystillgood?”(Here)Whatdoyouthink?Arethereanyostensiblygoodcharactersinthisnovelwholosetheirgoodnessbystandingby?
HaltellsDuchess:“Iamaconstantdisappointmenttomyself.”(Here)Whydoyouthinkhefeelsthisway?Whatcouldhehavedonedifferentlyinhislife?Isself-disappointmentwhatmakespeopledecent?
ConsideringWalk’sintervention,Duchessthinks:“…sometimesadultsthoughtwatchingoutmeantdoingshitthat’dleadtothekindofconsequencesthatrippledfarfromthem.”(Here)Inthisnovel,aregoodintentionsadangerousthing?
DuchessaddressesVincent:“‘Freedom’,shesaid.‘Isittheworstthingtotake?Worsethananything.Maybeitis.’”(Here)Later,talkingaboutVincent,HaltellsDuchess:“Afterthatnight,afterwhathedid,heknewnoneofuswouldfindfreedomagain.”(Here)WhydoyouthinkDuchessasksVincentthis?Whatcouldbeworsethanlosingfreedom?Doanyofthecharactersreclaimit?
StarsaystoWalk:“You’relikeakid.Betterandworse.Badandgood.Noneofusareanyonething.We’rejustacollectionofthebestandworstthingswe’vedone.”(Here)Later,DuchesstalksaboutDolly’sabusivefathertoHal:“Somepeoplearealldark.”(Here)ButHal,thinkingaboutSissy,tellsDuchess,“Butwithchildren…thereisnobad.”(Here)Areanyofthecharactersinthisnovelmorallypureineitherdirection?
Starbelievestheuniversefindsawaytobalancethegoodandthebad(Here).Thinkingaboutthestory,doyouagreewithher?
WardenCuddyandWalkdiscussmorality:“‘Butthenmaybetherearen’tdegreesofbad.Maybeitdoesn’tmatterbyhowmuchyoucrosstheline.’/‘Mostpeoplegetnear.Atleastonceintheirlife.’/‘Notyou,Walk.’”(Here)Isthereamorallinethat,oncecrossed,cannotberetraced?
CuddytellsWalkthatheseeshimselfinVincent:“Hislifeandmine.Theyaren’tallthatdifferent,saveforasinglemistake.”(Here)Later,explainingtoDuchesshowStarfoundoutthathe’dsentBaxtertokillVincent,Halsays,“Allandeverything.Asingleactonadistantnightandherewearebecauseofit.”(Here)Isitfairforonemistaketoforeverchangealife?Whatdoesthisnovelsayaboutthepossibilityofforgivenessformistakes?
IsDuchessrighttotellRobinseveraltimesthathedoesn’teverneedtoapologizetoher?Whydoesshetellhimthat?
Atschool,Duchesslearnsthatthetriangleisthestrongestshape(Here).Howisthisfactreflectedinherlife?What’sthestrongesttrioofcharactersinthisnovel?
“Itwascold,nomatterhowhefelt,itwasacoldandcruelthingtodo.Whenshesawhimsherememberedthedarkestpartofherlife,andshealwayswould.”(Here)IsWalkselfishtotrytocomebackintoMartha’slife?
DuchesstellsWalk,“Oursisasmallstory,ChiefWalker.Sadenough,butsmall.Let’snotpretenddifferent.”(Here)WhydoyouthinkDuchesssaysthis?Whydoesshereverttocallinghim“ChiefWalker”?
DuchessderidesThomasNoble,“Yousoundlikeachild.Thenotionoffair.”(Here)WhydoyouthinkhebelievesinfairnessandDuchessdoesnot?Istheworldofthisnovelfair?
AboutWalk,Duchessthinks:“Starsaidhewasallgood,likethatwasathing.”(Here)DidWalkdotherightthinginkillingDarke?
AboutRobin,VincenttellsWalk:“Icouldn’tlethimbeme.”(Here)WhatdoyouthinkVincentmeant?
DoyouthinkDuchesswouldhaveshotVincentifhehadn’tgoneoverthecliff’sedge?(Here)
Tohisdoctornearthebeginningofthestory,Walksays:“Itellyou,youeverseemewastingmydaysonsomefishingboat,youjustcomedownandshootme.”(Here)Yetthisseemstobethelifehechoosesattheend.Later,Walkthinks,“Thefuturewasafrighteningthing,butthenhereasoneditalwayshadbeen.”(Here)WhyhasWalkchangedhismind?WhatdoesafrighteningfuturemeanwithregardtoWalk?IsWalkbetteroffatthebeginningortheendofthenovel?
DuchessasksThomasNoble,“Youthinkthere’ssuchathingasatrulyselflessact…?”(Here)DoesDuchessfindouttheanswertothisquestionbytheendofthestory?Doyouthinkthereissuchathing?
WhydoyouthinkDuchessleavesRobinwithPeterandLucy?DidshedotherightthinginlettinghimstaywiththeLaytonsratherthanreclaiminghim?Isthishertrulyselflessact?(Here)
IsDarkeagoodperson?WhydoyouthinkhegivesthegunbacktoVincent?
WhydoyouthinkDuchessclingstothebeliefthatsheisanoutlaw?Whydoesshereferenceoutlawsthroughoutthebook?
Doyouthinkeachcharactergetstheendingtheydeserve?
Whydoyouthinktheauthornamedthisbookwhathedid?Doyouthinkthetitlefitsthebook?Whyorwhynot?
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TallOaksisanidyllicsmalltown,untilthedisappearanceofayoungchildthrowsthetight-knitcommunityintocrisis.
JessMonroe,theboy’sdistraughtmother,issimultaneouslyleadingthesearchandbattlingherowngriefandself-destructivebehaviour.Herneighbourswatchon,theirsympathymaskingastringofdarksecrets.
Thisisasmalltownwherenothingisasitseems,andeveryonehassomethingtohide.Andastheinvestigationdrawstowardsaclimax,prepareforadevastatingfinaltwist…
AVAILABILEINPAPERBACKANDEBOOKNOW
Anddon’tmissChrisWhitaker’soutstandingthriller
ForfansofLisaJewell,HollySeddonandLocalGirlMissing,AlltheWickedGirlsisagrippingcrimenovelwithahugeheartfromanexceptionaltalent.
EveryonelovesSummerRyan.Amodelstudentandmusicalprodigy,she’sarayoflightinthestrugglingsmalltownofGrace,Alabama–especiallycomparedtohertroubledsister,Raine.
ThenSummervanishes.
Rainethrowsherselfintotheinvestigation,aidedbyamostunlikelyally,buttheclosershegetstothetruth,themoredangeroushersearchbecomes.
AndperhapstherewasalwaysmoretoSummerthanmettheeye…
AVAILABLEINPAPERBACKANDEBOOKNOW
FirstpublishedinGreatBritainin2020byZaffre
Thisebookeditionpublishedin2020by
ZAFFRE
80-81WimpoleSt,London,W1G9RE
Copyright?ChrisWhitaker,2020
CoverdesignbyNickStearn
Coverimage?ChrisKridler/Getty(clouds),Shutterstock.com(field)
ThemoralrightofChrisWhitakertobeidentifiedasAuthorofthisworkhasbeenassertedinaccordancewiththeCopyright,DesignsandPatentsAct,1988.
Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproducedortransmittedinanyformorbyanymeans,electronicormechanical,includingphotocopy,recording,oranyinformationstorageandretrievalsystem,withoutpermissioninwritingfromthepublisher.
Thisbookisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,businesses,organisations,placesandeventsareeithertheproductoftheauthor’simaginationorareusedfictitiously.Anyresemblancetoactualpersons,livingordead,eventsorlocalesisentirelycoincidental.
ACIPcataloguerecordforthisbookisavailablefromtheBritishLibrary.
ISBN:978–1–78576–941–2
PaperbookISBN:978–1–78576–962–7
ThisebookwasproducedbyIDSUK(DataConnection)Ltd
ZaffreisanimprintofBonnierBooksUK
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TableofContents
TitlePage
Contents
PraiseforWeBeginattheEnd
AlsobyChrisWhitaker
Dedication
Youseesomething…
PartOne:TheOutlaw
Chapter1Chapter2Chapter3Chapter4Chapter5Chapter6Chapter7Chapter8Chapter9Chapter10
PartTwo:BigSky
Chapter11Chapter12Chapter13Chapter14Chapter15Chapter16Chapter17Chapter18Chapter19Chapter20Chapter21Chapter22Chapter23Chapter24Chapter25Chapter26Chapter27
PartThree:Restitution
Chapter28Chapter29Chapter30Chapter31Chapter32Chapter33Chapter34Chapter35Chapter36Chapter37Chapter38Chapter39Chapter40Chapter41Chapter42Chapter43Chapter44Chapter45
PartFour:Heartbreaker
Chapter46Chapter47Chapter48Chapter49
Acknowledgments
WeBeginattheEndReadingGroupQuestions
KeepReading…
Copyright